Episode 9

This is the final episode of marriage and dating with Ben, Remember we are not experts. I hope you all have enjoyed this series. 

Transcript

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SPEAKER_00 0:10

We've done everything fast.

SPEAKER_01 0:13

Everything's going for you, number one count.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

So tell us guys. What else can we do for you?

SPEAKER_01 0:45

I got it from here. Welcome to another episode of Barry's Wang and Light Talks. This is the third and final series about disability dating slash marriage and relation in relationship. Once again, Ben Mr. Ben McNeil is here with me to kinda get his perspective on this topic as well. But for this final series, I'm gonna basically talk about what we can do as a society to make not only disability people's life better, but everybody's lives overall. I'll get into that in a sec. Thank you for joining all three parts of YouTube. I really appreciate it. Hope you told your friends right now, and I hope you really enjoyed this series. So in my in my personal thoughts with this, you know, disability dating class marriage, one I think it needs to be fixed in terms of everybody in the household and depending on what it costs to live in their in their specific state. Because not every state's the same like it is now. Some states are more poor, some states you have to pay a pretty penny to live there, and you know, I think it should vary based on that also. I do think as a disability community we we do need to give able-body people a chance, as well as able-body people need to give us a chance. So in that regard, I really think if we do if we do that in terms of mirrors, because shockingly people don't wanna date somebody with a disability because they don't want to be awkward or stand up from the ground and I'm here to tell you. What is like you? I mean, we uh have our own issues like we all do. And yeah, so we might have a couple couple of things we gotta communic m communicate through that other people might not have. I'm here to say even if somebody sent you a fine thing. You won't learn how to be more communicative, be more open, and not being closed off. So, in my opinion, what do you think that people should do to better this system and better their life as a whole?

SPEAKER_00 3:27

Well, I think in general, like I thought about last episode, is it's just I think we need to redefine not redefine, um, restructure how we how we interact between people with disabilities and people without disabilities. Because like you said, like no matter where you're at, you're you're still a person. You know, the only the only difference is is that one has a disability, one does not. We're still able to communicate, you know, we still live the the the same life, we have different circumstances, but different lives. And I I think a lot of times, you know, we want to debate which life is more valuable. Well, the answer is they're both they're both the the equally valuable. And so we start there, and then I I think from there, in regards to um, you know, because we've been talking about in regards to dating and marriage and and you know, it it what we've talked about, it's difficult to do that. Here's what I really think though. I think if you're somebody with a disability, despite everything that's been put out there, we need to create a society or to change in a way where people don't have to fear, you know, dating or getting married because they may lose their benefits. Um, and I I don't, and to be honest with you, I don't know the solution. You know, we talked about four, we're not experts, but I think the conversation needs to happen instead of just being okay with how things are. You know what I'm saying? And so to me, just finding a way where as we're growing together as people, people with disabilities, those that are not, understanding that people with disabilities, they have these benefits that they receive, and because of that, it automatically puts them in a way where they have to make that decision whether they're going to date, which leads, which should lead to marriage. And if they're and if they're looking at this and saying, well, if I get married, I'm gonna lose all this, that's a very fearful thing for anybody to go through, whether you have disabilities or or not have disabilities. And so I think there needs to be something set up where um finding solutions for that. But I think that starts ultimately with the opening discussions, actually knowing each other and understanding each other and being willing to listen to each other. I think that is uh vitally important. And I think in general, the last thing I want to say is I think we just we just need to be less uh I hate to use this word because I because I think sometimes it's used in the wrong context, but I ultimately to be less judgmental or to make our own judgments of of people and how you know, because like like you said, people with disabilities, people without disabilities, they're not much different. They're still human, and we need to work to to better ourselves to understanding each other and living life together.

SPEAKER_01 6:12

Yeah, well said, and I gotta say, um this is not because of my parents or my friends knowing this for myself, it's I'm in that same spot right now. Wait, you just missing on? Should I date, should I not, you know, or should I just, you know, stay home and watch TV all day. And honestly, if you want to live that way, that's fine. But that's not the way I want to live. And I encourage you, despite what the w world tells you, um, start your own business, you know, find friends that'll help you out. Like Mr. Ben here, he's helped me out plenty of times when I needed help doing some things. It all takes a system and not just a system, it all takes friendships. That's what I meant to say. I'm I'm meant to say friendships. Because not only do you have to deal with uh working around the system and they make it so difficult because awfully enough people take advantage of it. As people talk about South Carolina is the last one to readjust their system and make it better for their uh society, knowing that this is on a federal level, I think is the first thing we need to de fix because it starts with going to the House and going to the Senate, and then then the laws might get changed because it takes us advocating, signing petitions, saying, you know, talking to our representatives in our state on making these laws happen. And if they want to make it a government issue instead of a state-by-state issue, I think that's where the big total co comes in. Honestly, it shouldn't be that way. I feel like one if they upgrade the payment based on the state needs and stop giving people that want to get married that have a disability, knowing that we gotta find different people to help us out. The general world uses the word caregiver and blah blah blah. And you know, I hate that word. I really do, because it's like when belittling us as a disability person, like, oh, you can't do this for yourself. Let me get somebody that can take care of you. Most people are like, oh, bless your mom's heart, bless your dad's heart. I'm like, I do my own schedule, I live my own life, I might I might have to make uh sacrifices. Honestly, a lot of people with disabilities don't want to talk about their benefits in the SSI stuff because they're worried about people saying, Oh, you're just in it for the money. And I hope through this podcast series you li like you take it back and you realize that really the money is done as soon as you start, you know, dating and you know, making that decision like, okay, I figured how to support myself because I wanna be able to support my own family like everybody else. And if you're on the pants of dating somebody with a disability, do not go for them as soon as you realize you're in a wheelchair. Like, I can't speak for everybody in the world, but I can speak for myself. If I think I'm in a motherized wheelchair, I'm in a motherized wheelchair. And I'm honestly gonna give you a heads up, like, hey, I need help with this, hey, I need help with that. You know, it's basically if you want to meet up with me and then lying, go to the bathroom and sneak out of the back door, how awful does that make you look bad in return, how awful do that make the person with a disability feel when there's plenty of relationships that are on YouTube that have people have written books trying to deny the rumors that people still try to believe things. ADA or the government fix everything with disabilities, the problem is everything's not fixed because they do not follow through one of the promises. Now, I told you I'll get into that on the last podcast and that's why I'll get into generally people and the agencies trying to help us disability people to find a job. Now, that's great if you are, you know, amputee or, you know, know how to know how to work mistery already, but if you're somebody like me with cerebral palsy, can only move like one one side of your arm and the other side's like a a zombie and like a Scorpio has a time. I say that because my wrist bins like a Scorpio memes and but like I went through several different agencies. I don't wanna say their names because they might not have worked for me but they worked for somebody else. And yeah, I'm happy when I'm talking to those that tried everything and uh left on what term, where do I go from here? And the point being is you have to find your own path, start your own business. That's what I hope you learn. Never give up, because you can find many people on YouTube thriving and living based on their life and decisions and different personalities and different businesses that they want. And also I like to thank everybody that recognizes I'm just a young person and I'm just trying to raise awareness of what I see that the world needs help and understanding. And I appreciate for listening. Ben, do you have anything you have to say or you wanna wrap this thing up and call it a day?

SPEAKER_00 13:37

No, I think it was really good. Thank you for letting me be a part of this series, and I hope to be also bored. That'd be great to have conversations like this.

SPEAKER_01 13:44

I'm pretty sure that we'll be when we talk about the scriptures in the Bible in some episode in terms of the Bible relates to a lot of things, disability wise, and people give their Bible credit. Thank you for being on. You can email me at B A R A E T S dot S W A G G U Y L I F E at G M O.