Confessions of a Reluctant Caregiver

Jennifer Jenkins with The Elizabeth Dole Foundation

JJ, Natalie, and Emilie

The Elizabeth Dole Foundation is the preeminent organization empowering, supporting, and honoring our nation’s 5.5 million military caregivers; the spouses, parents, family members, and friends who care for America’s wounded, ill, or injured veterans. 

Founded by Senator Elizabeth Dole in 2012, the Foundation adopts a comprehensive approach in its advocacy, working with leaders in the public, private, nonprofit and faith communities to recognize military caregivers’ service and promote their well-being.

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Natalie:

Hey folks, welcome to our special series heroes caring for heroes on the Confessions of a reluctant caregiver Podcast. Today, we're featuring organizations who offer services and support to our hero caregivers. Now, let's listen in as we learn more about these amazing organizations. We're gonna learn this, JJ. Hey,

Unknown:

Natalie, how are you doing today?

Natalie:

I am fantastic.

JJ:

You know, we've got another episode of educational resources for our heroes caring for heroes campaign.

Natalie:

And you know what, we have a fantastic resource to share today. Right, you have Jennifer Jenkins, from the Elizabeth Dole Foundation. And wow, Jennifer, we are so happy to have you on the show to talk about the great things the Foundation is doing for veterans and their families and actually active duty because you all you all active duty veterans, and their family members and caregivers. You all are hitting it all.

Unknown:

Well, I'm honored to join you, a fellow caregiver. It's always good to spend time with others who play in the same dirt as you, if you will. Yes, no. And yes, Elizabeth Dole parent station is proud to serve anyone that is taking care of an active duty service member, Guard, Reserve veteran, doesn't matter if you're a veteran served in World War Two, or they're still serving right now. It doesn't matter if they're 99 or 90. That's my favorite part about the foundation.

Natalie:

Wow, I love that.

JJ:

So I love that a lot of these foundations we work with started because of a caregiver. And the Elizabeth Dole Foundation started because Elizabeth Dole said, Oh, by the way, I'm in this caregiving situation. And I need help. Is that correct?

Unknown:

It sure did. And most people see Senator Dole as the transformative cabinet member who's the reason why we wear seatbelts and have airbags and safe speed limits, or as the leader of the American Red Cross, through the new understanding of AIDS and why we need to screen our blood and how important blood is and the national campaign to get people to give blood. They don't think of her as the caregiver for a world war two veteran. Her husband, Senator Bob Dole had significant disabilities. From his time in service. He almost died in the mountains of Italy, during World War Two. And so she helped him in many ways during their marriage. But when he had a stroke, I spent 10 months at Walter Reed Army Medical Center. That's when Senator roll really became a caregiver and got to spend time with other caregivers, she realized that they needed a voice.

Natalie:

So when did the when did the foundation give us a little bit of history and put some color around the history of the foundation?

Unknown:

Yeah. So in 2012, the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, launched our first class of fellows, so fellows who are caregivers who live the life of caring for a wounded ill or injure, service member or veteran. And their purpose was to come together and say, these are the issues we're facing. We need support in this way, financially, we need education, or we need awareness that she did something really critical. This is what smart people do. They gather data, right? Because you can have the most compelling plea in the world. But if you don't have some numbers to put with it, you're not going to get the attention that you need. So she gathered together some organizations like Wounded Warrior Project said, hey, just a survey done to find out who are these military caregivers in the public at the time had the thought in their mind that it's a young spouse, maybe, you know, she has a couple of kids and she's her veteran has served in combat, got shot or stepped up on an IED. But the reality was a lot different. And that's what that initial survey came back in 2014. It took a couple years to gather all the data. That's when Senator Dole was able to say, Listen, there are five and a half million of these caregivers who knew?

JJ:

And that's old data, so it's not a Yeah, you know, that's not 2023. I'm sure there's a lot more by now,

Unknown:

there is another survey underway right now. Yeah. It's actually going to also include the children of those caregivers, and the effects that caregiving has had on them. I'm really excited to see that data when it's when it's finished. It's nearly done. So you may have Have to have us back on the podcast to talk about love that. Absolutely, absolutely. Since that time, Senator Dole has brought on a fellows class every year because every caregiving experience, as you guys know, is unique and individual and represents a different subset of the population. And she gives those caregiver fellows an opportunity to talk to the nationally elected leaders, to corporate and nonprofit leaders. And I myself had the honor of being a Fellow in 2014. Because I am a caregiver. Well,

Natalie:

we can totally relate to your caregiving may not be military. But there is one thing that is universal. And I think that's the biggest thing that we wanted to say is, in the sense of as we're doing this series, caregiving does not discriminate. We all have our own past experiences, where we're going to experience caregiving a little bit differently, and military in the light and live in that military life. And what happened that puts you into caregiving for military versus what put it in for me and my husband, as cancer versus us in our mom, Parkinson's. But there is a common thread in that sense of thoughts and feelings at times and feeling like we're not doing enough, maybe we're not strong enough. And so I know that the Elizabeth Dole Foundation has created programs to really support again, active duty veterans, but also the hidden heroes. So could you talk about the programs, especially the hidden heroes program?

Unknown:

Oh, absolutely. So our obviously our oldest program is advocacy itself. Senator Dole has been instrumental in helping to pass legit to get legislation passed to educate our lawmakers about what the needs are of the caregivers and giving the caregivers the opportunity to be face to face with those leaders. So I myself have had the chance to speak at the White House Congress, I never would have dreamed that definitely my Mr. Smith Goes to Washington moment to tell people that I'm a sibling, caregiver. And we have very unique challenges, to say the least and and to be very specific about what those needs are. After all the advocacy started, Senator and her team realized that caregivers need a place to connect. And that hidden heroes as she defines them, the caregivers of veterans and service members need their own community and their own place to network because we have a very unique perspective. We created an online support community a safe place for caregivers to learn from one another to vent to share, share wins to talk about losses. And that program, the hidden heroes caregiver community is very near and dear to my heart. And it's really integrated with our cities and counties program, because those community based programs can bring in the virtual community members. So I might need to talk to somebody on Saturday night virtually, about what I'm going through. And that person could be in Hawaii, they could be in Germany, but then also being able to go to downtown Indianapolis to a caregiver event is important to it's important to be have those connections virtually, but also to do some face to face, we can't just isolate in our caregiving worlds. Several other programs that have been hugely impactful, a HOPE Grant Program for emergency financial services, teaching financial readiness and life planning to caregivers, not just for their loved ones, but for themselves, which is very important. A lot of times we forget that we have to take care of ourselves first. And many other programs. It's the dynamic nature of the foundation that I love so much of what worked 10 years ago, may not fit what's needed today. And Senator and her team are really understanding that they have sometimes you have to shift gears.

JJ:

Yeah, I think it's really important to point out who qualifies to work with the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, like, Who do I have to be who can join up with the hidden heroes?

Unknown:

Well, you don't just have to care for somebody with a purple heart. You know, I do I do. My brother has a purple heart. He was wounded in combat. But you might also care for a service member that experienced invisible wounds, maybe military sexual trauma, maybe anxiety, depression, even traumatic brain injury can happen from the result of a car accident, or a training accident. And so I always want to make sure people understand that it doesn't matter if you're caring for a 19 year old who got hurt in boot camp, or if your loved one is 99 and served in World War Two and got hurt In combat and has a Bronze Star and they call it a fruit salad and they have all the metals. I've never heard of that. Yeah, not everybody has some people just have one piece of fruit, that's okay. We, okay, that's Heroes is for them to it's for everybody wounded, ill injured, maybe they have Parkinson's or Alzheimer's, it doesn't matter if they're registered with the VA. If they're not registered, that's irrelevant in okay, what really matters is that you have a relationship with someone who served and you help provide care for them. Hmm.

Natalie:

I think that's really important, because I think it's civilians. You know, and this was something that I learned probably a month or two ago, I went to a different I heard a panel interview with individuals who are other nonprofit organizations who were providing supports, and they talked about whether you're registered with the VA or not. And so I think those as a civilian as we're wanting to help individuals, because I've said it on the other ones, I don't know anyone who doesn't know someone who has served. And if you don't, it's kind of odd to me, I'm like, what rock Have you been living under? Or do you need more friends? And so, and that's okay, because I think everyone should have friends. But we have a lot of individuals who have served who are both active duty or veterans themselves. And typically, if we hear someone who needs help, our basic human nature is, well, how can I help? And so I think, you know, we had something similar happen, where somebody had said, you know, hey, I served this individual, that's a chiropractor. And, you know, he, we were worried he was going to, you know, not going to have housing. And so we talked about what are the different supports out there? And I know we're talking about caregivers, but it's like, how can we as civilians support our military caregivers to support those active duty or veterans, etc. So I think that's really, really important.

Unknown:

You know, and I think that you hit on something really big, like, you need to have friends in this. Whether you're caring for a civilian or you're caring for a veteran, you need to have caregiver friends who understand what burnout looks like, but who also understand how impactful education and inspiration can be in turning around your your mental and physical wellness as a caregiver, I'm really proud of a program at the foundation called seek three, which is caregiver community connection. So they bring in experts, whether it's talking about food insecurity, and how you can find resources for that, or ways to find more affordable housing, or something, something like yoga, or meditation or mindfulness. So that C three program has been really great for, for caregivers in our community. And, you know, every time you participate in something like that, you're giving yourself the opportunity to make friends.

JJ:

Well, it looks like the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, you guys work with other organizations as well. And when you look at your website, I know you work with Wounded Warrior Project, it seems like I saw them on there. But you have a lot of things out there, you do respite, you do health and wellness, like you mentioned, and then you do have the peer support. If people are looking for that. How do they get involved? Is there you go to the website? Do I call someone? How do I do that? Jennifer?

Unknown:

Yes, go to hidden heroes.org. That's where you start a three start at all. There's a you can click find help. And I love the very first line, it says you don't have to do this alone. Okay. And not only do you not have to don't just don't do this. That was my problem. I tried to do this alone for 10 years. And it was the biggest mistake of my life, because I got burned out. And then I didn't know where to find resources. So go to hidden heroes.org Click the button to sign up. It says join our community just sign up. And that will give you access to the online community to all the virtual programs. Once we have your email and your zip code, then you get invited to anything local that's happening for you. And there's all kinds of other things that you you can learn about whether it's advocacy legislation that's coming up, or resources with partners with states with communities. I didn't know that there were so many resources out there. I just needed somebody to help me find them as civilians, what can we do to help? I liked that too. So civilians can register as well. You can sign up for the newsletter on the website and learn all the different things that the foundation is doing. And there are many public facing offering, which I think is great because I learned a lot from caregiver in the civilian world. And I hope that some of Then caregivers learn from me as well. I think it's important that we do things together. Are there ways that we can help? I like that too. Yeah, we want to help Jennifer.

Natalie:

How can we serve?

Unknown:

So network online, remember your friends and families and neighbors, this is the big one. I know so many caregivers of civilians of my little boy has a condition, a medical condition he was born with. And I've been able to meet a lot of other moms and dads at the clinics. But caregiving in the military environment, you're sometimes really in a silo, you go to the VA, you don't know anybody there, you don't know anybody in your neighborhood or your your schools. And that is, it's important that your neighbors can understand what you're going through something as simple as saying, you know, I see my neighbor taking her brother to the VA 234 times a week. And it seems like it's every Wednesday and Wednesday is when the trash cans need to come off the curve. So the HOA doesn't send a letter, I'm going to offer to pull those trash cans up for her. Just that tiny, tiny little gesture can make such a difference. other little things like that just in you know who the veterans are in your neighborhood, you see the flag, if they're a Marine, you know, they've got the hat on, I'm saying that because my son's a Marine. So,

Natalie:

you know, we know Semper Fi,

Unknown:

the United States Marine Corps, you have to say the whole thing. But so, so stop by when you're walking your dog and just say, Hey, first, thank your whole thank you to your whole family for your service, because everybody serves in a military family. And second, we want to help you, you know, can we mow your grass once a month? Or when do you when do you get your groceries, we'll help carry them in for you. Little tiny things like that, right in our neighborhood, are how we start making the difference. And then you can read, you can say, Listen, I found out about this great thing called hidden here as and you can send them, you can send them to hidden heroes. Also, you can share it, you guys have wonderful social media work connected. So you know if I show up in the in your top followers list, now you know why. But sharing the hidden heroes, with your followers on social media is really important too. Because you don't know your high school friend might be married to an Army veteran, and she might really need to connect to other spouses. Right?

Natalie:

Yeah, I would. I would agree with that. And I think you know, it's interesting, there, literally was just at another organization that we're featuring healing strides. And like I said, a young lady Casey is one of our guests confessors. And she talked about the impact that, you know, those non traditional therapies have have really helped her and her husband is as they transition out of the military, and with him having a disability, but an injury. She talked about how exactly what you said that it's really hard. You know, you have all these services while you're in the military. But when you transition out, it's the community is different. And it's not that it's like, oh, we're not going to give you these things. But I mean, our younger sister was a part of the, you know, she was the Air Force, her husband, her husband was Air Force, or ex husband was Air Force. And so you have all these supports, you get to a new base, all the ladies are the spouses come and say, Here you go. This is where you go to the doctor, this is where you go to this. But then when you transition out, it's a little bit not only do you have a loss with that transition, you have a loss like it is, but you also are losing your community because you're out in the civilian world. And I think the more that, you know, we can help people find each other and the supports like this. I think as a civilian, I'm like, Hey, did you know that? You know, I found this out about wounded warrior, I found this out about Elizabeth Dole. I think there's a lot of people who may feel overwhelmed with that transition, or may have not just gotten connected. And that could be one of the kindest things that you do exactly what you said, Hey, we've got this available. Did you know this? And they say no, you're like, hey, let me help connect you

Unknown:

as well. And the other thing about our military and their families is they're really good at being strong enough to endure deployments or injuries, and separation. And it becomes against your grain to ask for help. Yes. Then when you get isolated after you leave the military, you don't stop having that mentality and it can be really difficult. So I think, understanding how difficult it is for the military families to ask for help. It's not that they're so prideful or they don't want it or need it. They've just really learned not to To be self sufficient, and so they need a little bit of extra prodding and pushing.

Natalie:

A little bit like it's structured, which aligns with, you know, I love this structure. But I think that, I think it's, you know, the whole idea of it takes a village, regardless of military caregivers or not, it's really that you're not alone. And that's what I hear you saying that you're always programs and how you partner with other people. So you might not be able to be everyone to, you know, everything to everyone. But you can also help them get connected with other supports to help meet their needs.

Unknown:

Yeah, we do individual referrals, okay, also, so a caregiver can say, I'm struggling with X, Y, and Z. And a member of our staff will gather some more information, and then connect you to the partners that we have, who will best fit, fill those gaps. And also, I always want caregivers to go on the website, just to read the stories and mines on there. But every single fellow who shared their story has also shared a couple of resources other than the foundation that have helped them. In my case, it was Wounded Warrior Project and Easterseals. Another caregiver, you know, may have connected with a service dog organization or the Fisher House. I think that's always really important to to say, oh, gosh, it sparks it sparks ideas that it gives you that inspiration that sometimes you need to get healthier.

JJ:

Yeah, well, yeah. And I think we all learn best by others experiences. It just it's a big benefit. So we don't have to learn the hard way. But I can pick up a lot of hands. And I know, Jennifer, you have and we didn't share this in the beginning, Natalie, but Jennifer has a lot of military experience. Yes, because it's important to note that she is a caregiver for her brother, who is US Army retired, she is a mother of a United States Marine, and she is the wife of a Navy veteran,

Natalie:

she's sitting all the branches, Jane, just about medicine is Air Force and a couple of guards and you know, the Coast Guard, you know,

Unknown:

maybe my little baby will go into space.

Natalie:

So trying to figure out Space Force.

JJ:

But we appreciate again, you know, the little things that we all need to be saying, but we appreciate your service as for that entire military family. So

Natalie:

I'm not sure how you all have dinner together. Because all the acronym jokes, I think we all know the acronym joke. So between the Navy and the Marines, especially,

Unknown:

oh, so much.

Natalie:

Yeah, I've got a friend who's a Marine, and he was on a Navy ship. And anybody who's listened to this who's military connected, be like, Oh, I know that acronym. And so

Unknown:

I also have an officer and enlisted. And that's a whole other thing. Oh,

Natalie:

my gosh, that this is about, you know, that's the thing that and this is what we've just enjoyed and been blessed by this series so much and learned about the organizations and learn about the military culture, and learning about how we as civilians can come alongside and support both active duty and our veterans and their caregivers. And rather, they need active care. Now, I think anybody would say I think any of our individual serving say that if they have a spouse partner, they absolutely their spouse, partner cares for them so they can serve. And that's the truth.

Unknown:

And you know, everyone today that serves in the military volunteered, they they enlisted, they volunteered themselves by their family got drafted.

Natalie:

That's the truth, girl.

JJ:

Jennifer, thank you for being drafted. by everyone in your family, we appreciate it. And we appreciate the Elizabeth Dole Foundation and all that you do, we will make sure that for all of our listeners, all of the links are in all of our social media and we're going to share it we know everybody out there, we're sterile, all the information because the resources are phenomenal. And the stories are also great. So you we cannot get enough resources out.

Natalie:

Thank you, Jennifer. Thank you both so much. Alright, guys, thank you for listening in. And we've hope you've enjoyed this educational podcast. Find out more information, you can go to Elizabeth Dole foundation.org And you can also do hidden heroes. You can find out more about hidden heroes on the Elizabeth Hill foundation.org website. Thanks so much. Thank you for listening to our special series heroes caring for heroes. Please visit our website to learn more about our featured organizations supporting hero caregivers. Before you go, please take a moment to leave us a review and tell your friends about the confessions podcast. Make sure you connect with us on your favorite social media site to stay up to date on all things caregiving. And of course, you will find a video recording of our episodes on the confessions website and And our YouTube channel we'll see you next time when we confess again

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