Prioritizing Self Care to Build Healthy Relationships with Esther Avant

What if prioritizing your health could actually improve all aspects of your life, including your relationships? Join me as I chat with Esther Avant,  a health industry veteran with over 17 years of experience in fitness, nutrition, and wellness. Esther shares her personal journey from struggling with binge eating and restriction to becoming a health and lifestyle coach, passionate about helping other women achieve their health goals.

In this powerful conversation, we explore the importance of making our health and well-being a priority, especially for women. Esther and I discuss the challenges of taking that first step and reallocating resources to ourselves while addressing the guilt that may arise when we shift our focus inward. We also dive into the impact of our behaviors and attitudes on future generations as Esther shares her experiences as a parent and how setting personal boundaries reflects our self-worth and confidence.

Esther and I also delve into the vital role of nutrition education, setting the right example for our children, and breaking unhealthy cycles. Together, we uncover the keys to creating healthy habits and unlocking our true potential. Don't miss this enlightening conversation with Esther Avant, as we learn how to prioritize our health, build self-worth, and inspire future generations to lead healthier lives.

Here's what not to miss:

[00:02:03] From Personal Trainer to Mental Health Advocate

[00:08:01] Why Meal Plans and Workouts Aren't Enough

[00:13:07] Prioritizing Self-Care for Women

[00:18:27] Boundaries Reflect Your Self-Worth: A Lesson in Empowerment

[00:26:29] Creating Healthy Habits for Future Generations

[00:28:31] Write It Down: Key to Breaking Cycles

[00:32:25] Developing Self-Awareness to Overcome Temptations Choices

[00:39:16] Stop Weaponizing Inconsistency: Embrace Your Varied Interests

[00:41:58] Achieving Health Balance and Compassionate Ownership

[00:46:14] Small Habits for Big Changes: Coaching Tips

[00:48:00] Prioritizing Health for a Fulfilling Life

Ways to connect with Esther:

Website: www.estheravant.com
Instagram: www.instagram.com/esther.avant
Podcast Live Diet-Free: https://podcasts.apple.com/

________________________

Corissa is a Somatic Trauma-Informed Relationship Coach™ & Narcissistic Abuse Specialist ™ who empowers women after they’ve endured narcissist trauma to rediscover who they are, reclaim their power and find the clarity and courage to move forward and live a life they love. Corissa is also a recovering people-pleaser and codependent who has endured way too many narcissistic relationships to count! She coaches not only from her knowledge and training but also from the wisdom she has gained from her own healing journey.

Book a FREE 30-minute Confidential Clarity Call HERE.

Ways to connect with Corissa:

Podcast Website
Website: www.corissastepp.com
Community: StrongHER
Instagram: @corissastepp
Facebook: Corissa Stepp

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:09

Welcome to the Stepping Into Meaningful Relationships podcast. I'm your host, carissa Stepp. I'm a relationship and human design coach, and this podcast is designed to help you create a stronger connection to yourself so you can transform the relationships around you, whether that be with your partner, a friend, a parent, a child or your business. We will be looking at relationships through the lens of human design, and my guests and I will bring you the tools, tips and tricks to create deeply meaningful connections with others. But first let's start with you. The most important relationship you have is the one with yourself. Thank you for tuning in. Now let's get to today's episode. Hey, everyone, welcome back.

Speaker 1: 0:55

I am going to be speaking today with Esther Avante. She is a health industry veteran with over 17 years of experience in fitness, nutrition and wellness-related roles. She is a certified sports nutritionist, personal trainer, wellness coach and owner of EA Coaching, which has provided holistic health and lifestyle coaching since 2015. Her mission is to help women live their happiest, healthiest and most confident lives and to change the fact that the majority of women are so preoccupied with their weight and bodies that they never fully pursue their passions. She knows that if more women prioritize their health, they'd be able to unleash the confidence and focus they all need to leave their mark on the world. Esther is also a boy-mom and a Navy wife who has lived and traveled all over the world while running her EA coaching business. Esther, thank you so much for being here today. I'm really excited to be chatting with you today to talk about the connection between our physical health and our relationships.

Speaker 2: 1:52

Thank you so much for having me. I love this topic and I'm really excited to be here Awesome.

Speaker 1: 1:57

So would you mind just telling us a little bit more about how you first got into this and why this work became so meaningful to you?

Speaker 2: 2:03

Yeah, i will try to keep it short because it's been a long career and it's had kind of a lot of chapters and twists and turns. But essentially I started off I went to college for exercise science and my first job post-college was personal training. I loved being in the gym myself, which is kind of how I ended up there, but in working with my first real-world clients I started to see the limitations of focusing on just exercise and that there was so much more to health and to weight loss and happiness and confidence than the workouts in the gym. And that was partly by connecting with clients and feeling like we were having therapy sessions. It was partly by their frustrations of feeling like you know, i'm going to the gym a few days a week, i'm doing what you tell me to and I'm not losing weight, and realizing I needed to be able to talk about nutrition. So I eventually started pursuing nutrition-related certifications and internships and ways to further develop my skillset outside of the gym.

Speaker 2: 3:06

At the same time I was in my early 20s, going through a lot of my own kind of life transitions And despite all I knew I was still struggling with very typical sort of binge and restrict cycles of being quote, unquote, perfect all week and then going overboard all weekend telling myself I would never do it again. And around we went. So I was feeling a little bit of, i guess, imposter syndrome about you know who am I to be helping anyone when I'm struggling myself? So my career has sort of paralleled my own personal development And once I had the exercise, once I had nutrition and I still wasn't putting the pieces together, i started to realize the sort of big, unaddressed elephant in the room is the psychology, the mental work, the behavior change, the how do we take the textbook science and apply it to our own lives? And not just how do I do that for myself, but how do I help a vast variety of clients with different lifestyles do it themselves too. Because I knew pretty early on that the answer if you want to be really you know successful, if you want to have longevity in this, this industry, is not to be a here's what worked for me, so I'm going to give it to you type coach. I wanted to actually be able to work with clients and say your life is different than mine And I can still help you. So my own pursuit of the mental piece helped me strike a balance where I got out of that all or nothing mentality. I stopped binging, i stopped restricting. I really broke free of that. I found so much confidence and peace and happiness in myself And now feel even more passionately about helping other women expedite the process and achieve that kind of breakthrough without taking, you know, 15 years to do it.

Speaker 2: 5:06

And the other sort of piece of that that has come into play was seeing my own mother struggle with her weight and doing what many bombs do, many women do period the slim fat shakes, the weight watchers at the time you know this is the 90s, so the Denise Austin exercise tapes And just seeing how hard it was for her And I'm very, very fortunate that she never passed those issues on to me, i, she, i know it was very intentional about never speaking about her body negatively, never letting me see, you know, kind of the dark side of that. But now, as an adult doing what I do, i know how hard it must have been for her. And I most drawn to and most passionate about working with women who remind me of my mom, because I know what an amazing woman she was And I can only assume that she would have gotten more out of her life, been happier, been more confident, if she had figured out how to really master her health. And that's sort of what has come into play with our coaching is knowing that you can't hate yourself into a different body and a different life. It needs to come from a place of love.

Speaker 2: 6:23

And that when it does, when you realize your own value and you're willing to make yourself a priority, do the hard work, get this, you know, make these changes that not only do you benefit, everybody around you benefits and it has this cascade effect that positively impacts every other aspect of your life. And you know that's the intro that you gave, that that really is. It is, i just think about what could women do if the soundtrack in our brains wasn't always about our bodies, food wasn't always negative. And I think the kind of ripple effect of helping just one woman make these positive changes not only does it help her children, but it helps everybody that she encounters. It improves her relationships, it improves how she shows up in the world, and that is just like a limitless power.

Speaker 1: 7:16

Yeah, oh my gosh. So I wanted to emphasize something that you said, because it was so powerful, which is you can't hate yourself into a new body or a new life, and that it has to come from a place of love. Because, wow, like absolutely 100%, and I think that we all have that inner critic voice And it can be something that we battle our entire lives, and learning how to quiet that because I don't know that we can ever really totally get rid of it, but learning how to deemphasize it and to quiet it is such a powerful gift and tool that you know you're helping women with, which is amazing. So it sounds to me like there's a lot, there's a big aspect of like mindset work that's happening here too And that I love that you're taking this holistic approach.

Speaker 2: 8:01

That's exactly it. And you know, hearing kind of my background, i think a lot of coaches and a lot of companies focus on exercise, maybe exercise and nutrition, but focus on what I consider to be the very surface level stuff. At this point it is pretty easy to figure out what to do. I know that's kind of a loaded statement. You can Google, you know, a meal plan for 1500 calories. You can Google what workouts should I do for a beginner, that sort of thing.

Speaker 2: 8:34

There's no shortage of information, which is its own issue, but it's so much less I don't know what to do And more I do know what to do. I'm just not doing it, which is something almost 100% of women I talk to tell me. And therein lies the issue. And the solution to that issue is not another meal plan, another workout program, it's figuring out why are you not doing those things? And that work is not what most women are expecting to do. They think I just need kind of the drill sergeant just tell me what to do. I'm a people pleaser so I'll do what you tell me because I don't want to let you down. And, as most of us have experienced, it works, but only temporarily.

Speaker 2: 9:16

It works until right exactly, it works until it doesn't. And if you want to make lasting, meaningful change which ultimately we do, that is what we're after it requires doing things differently And it requires being willing to do work that you might not even realize is yours to do until you start digging beneath the surface. So once you have that kind of what should I be doing for workouts, what should I be eating, then it's about addressing, first identifying and then addressing the obstacles. So this is where I think your past, your relationship with yourself, your current habits and lifestyle and beliefs come into play. This is realizing.

Speaker 2: 9:54

It's not that I don't have time to get my workouts in.

Speaker 2: 9:57

It's that I'm not in the habit of setting boundaries to protect the time that I have, or I'm not in the habit of managing it in a way that allows me to be on the list. Or maybe it's that I don't feel like I deserve to change how my family is eating, because, you know, because I just don't think that I'm deserving. My mom would just make us whatever we wanted, and I feel like that's what a mom should do is kind of be this selfless martyr. And now I need to work through those feelings. So a lot of times it can we come up with kind of this deep stuff that you're just like, ooh, didn't realize that was there, but it really is the reason that it's been so hard in the past. So I think I always think of like the exercise. Nutrition is like the tip of the iceberg And your real work is what's beneath the surface And it's it's hard to do, sometimes it's emotional, sometimes it's overwhelming, but that's what's going to really make the lasting changes.

Speaker 1: 10:54

I completely agree with you. So I actually spoke about this as a guest on a podcast about a year ago which was about my own personal transformation and how I feel like I noticed this pattern with my clients. I've noticed this pattern talking with other people, my colleagues, where we usually start this transformational process by first focusing on the physical right. We focus on our physical bodies because that's the thing that is, you know, we're we're dealing with and we can focus on, because it's right in front of us every day when we're looking in the mirror right When we're trying on our clothes, we we know how our bodies feel in the clothes that we're wearing and how we kind of go about our day. So the focus typically tends to be like okay, I'm going to start eating better, I'm going to start exercising. And then, once you get to a place where you're like all right, like I've got like a routine down, I'm feeling kind of comfortable, I've got some consistency going, I'm feeling better, I'm toning up a bit, you know, like you start to feel that you know. Then it's kind of like okay, well, now that I got that part down, now I need to start looking at my mental and my emotional well-being. And then I think from there and sometimes like these all happen at the same time or like concurrently or overlap or whatnot, then then it comes down to like a spiritual thing too, like, okay, like now, like let's focus on like the whole thing the mind, the body and the spirit And it's just this like evolutionary process. But I love how you are starting with people at the beginning of these journeys to lead them down the path so that it does affect their whole well-being and overall.

Speaker 1: 12:23

And the other thing that I was going to was going to mention was when you mentioned about how it's one of those things where, like, we don't even know how to place boundaries around our time and our energy so that we do put our Self-care on the list. Right, taking care of ourselves on the list, Yeah, we're people pleasers, right. Women in general I talk a lot about people pleasing We're conditioned to be people pleasers, Right. We're conditioned to be the caretakers and the nurturers and especially when we become moms, You know, we're taking care of everybody else and the focus goes outwards.

Speaker 1: 12:57

Right, we focus on the needs of everyone around us and we forget that we have our own needs And it can be really hard to even be like, well, I don't know what I need, What do I need? I've been focusing on everyone else for so long, like I didn't even know that I was a priority. I didn't know that I could prioritize myself. It feels guilt, I feel guilty doing that, you know, and so I love that you are changing this, because it's so important for women, because, Gosh, our health is everything and I think that, like, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure, Which I know that's such a cliche saying, but it's so true.

Speaker 2: 13:32

Absolutely, and you're so right that I think one of the biggest challenges is that in the beginning, when you do kind of have whatever realization, it is that you need to make your health a priority. Maybe it's just not being able to wear anything in your closet, maybe it's a health scare. I Talked to a lot of women who are like, okay, i have realized I need to do something, but it's been so long that I don't know what that looks like. It feels like a A different lifetime ago that I was, you know, running half marathons or I was active in the gym and My life is so different now that I like it, just like doesn't compute.

Speaker 2: 14:08

I talked to a woman very recently who had Previously done endurance events and really had a strong identity as a fit person, and then she had back-to-back babies in the midst of a pandemic and now they're toddlers and she started starting to kind of come out of survival mode and Realize, okay, i can, i can start to reallocate some resources to myself again, and that's why she reached out.

Speaker 2: 14:31

She was like I don't, i don't know what it looks like, because I can't.

Speaker 2: 14:35

Feasibly She's like I tried to go out for a run This weekend and it was only gonna be 30 minutes and my kids are crying at the doorstep begging me, you know to to take them with me.

Speaker 2: 14:45

And she was like I just can't fathom, you know, making another marathon a goal, knowing that it's gonna require me to be on hours-long training runs and I think that can be one of the hardest steps is like just taking that first one and figuring out Okay, is it even feasible? Should I even be trying to get back to who I was before? Am I trying to get back to a new version of myself? Like I know I don't want to be here, but everything else is just like kind of foggy. And I think that's where sort of laying out those initial steps is so helpful to At least light up the the path right in front of you. And then from there It sort of branches off into these various ways. You know clients will say I never thought this was gonna come up in coaching, but in order to get there you need to start somewhere.

Speaker 1: 15:30

Yeah, and I think sometimes it's like if we look at too far down the road, it can be overwhelming right. So it's like let's take the baby steps to get there and figure out this moment right now.

Speaker 2: 15:42

Exactly.

Speaker 1: 15:43

Yeah, that makes complete sense. And then, you know, i I do feel really strongly that When we feel good in ourselves and we feel like We're in our work, comfortable in our bodies, we're comfortable in our own skin, we're comfortable showing up as who we are. We feel safe being who we are. It then allows us to show up more authentically than in our relationships too. Right, like you mentioned in the beginning, it's like we can show up differently For others when we're coming from a full cup, as opposed to coming from this place of depletion or exhaustion Or or anything, and even just with, like, our, our children, right, being able to be present in the moment and not being like what's the next thing I have to do, where do I have to go tomorrow, what's the you know? and just thinking about the whole long to-do list, as opposed to being like, alright, i got my me time, i'm good, i'm ready to like give to everyone else around me, and not feel like I'm sacrificing all the time.

Speaker 2: 16:38

Exactly. You mentioned something earlier about the kind of outside-in approach that a lot of us take, and I saw a great visual In a self-help book once. That was kind of these three circles, one inside each each other, and the outside was, you know, work, and then the middle one was family and then the inner one was self, and the author was saying we tend to Give work the bulk of our resources, and then family gets what's left over after that and then Whatever, if anything is left for ourselves, then we get it and it's you know, it's the scraps, and that We need to take the inside-out approach and recognize that the time spent on ourselves is not selfish, it's not wasted, it's actually. Not only are we worthy human beings, independent of anything else, but it's also going to benefit all of those other areas of your life. Nobody is getting the best of you when you are not taking care of yourself, whether that's physically, mentally, spiritually, all of things. Everyone else benefits.

Speaker 1: 17:39

The people who are Depending on you are gonna get a better version of you when you're taking time for yourself right, right, and I think that For moms and for women, it's like we do place a lot of guilt upon ourselves for doing that right. But it's like, think about it If you were in a really toxic relationship and you were just getting breadcrumbs all the time, how long would you stay in that relationship and how long would you tolerate it? Hopefully not for very long, right, or maybe you will. I mean, one day you'll wake up and realize like this is not okay anymore. So why would you do that to yourself? Why not? Why don't you get the whole cake right, like you should be giving yourself the whole cake all the time, because if you can't give it to yourself, then no one else is going to and you're just going to accept the breadcrumbs in every other aspect of your life.

Speaker 2: 18:27

It's so powerful. There's something I have thought about on several occasions with my son recently. He's four and a half and He's, you know, testing boundaries and he's learning new words at school and he's and I've had several instances of telling him Do not speak to me like that. That's not okay. And I was thinking like parenting aside, which I think like it's important to establish boundaries and things like that but I was thinking how reflective that is of my own confidence and my own worth, that When you're not feeling good about yourself Maybe it's your toddler, maybe it's your boss, maybe it's your spouse, whomever if you don't feel like you are deserving of speaking up or of being treated well, you won't say anything, you will allow that behavior to continue, you won't nip it in the bud and by not saying anything then you're complicit in it continuing. And That's how you find yourself in a position where you feel like you're being walked all over, that nobody respects you, and it's a reflection of what's inside. And once you're in that position, it's that much harder to Suddenly start setting those boundaries and, after you know five years, saying don't talk to me like that or I'm not gonna put up with this anymore.

Speaker 2: 19:45

But I think that's one of the best examples of how your health is a reflection of your relationships is If you're finding, if one of the reasons that you haven't been able to establish healthy routines is because your family is, you know, degrading you or demeaning you or unsupportive, not only is that making that so much harder, but it's likely because you have felt that that's an okay way to treat you and instead of Focusing on them first which obviously, like that, does need to be addressed But I think you're gonna be a lot more successful if you focus on yourself first and figure out how do I start treating myself with the respect that I deserve? and Once I'm doing that, then I'm gonna have built myself up enough to be able to stand taller, keep my head up and say that's not okay, i've let it go in the past, i'm not going to anymore and You know, hopefully getting, you know, making positive changes, or at least feeling empowered enough to look at the options available to you and figure out What am I gonna do to improve my situation.

Speaker 1: 20:51

Yeah, we treat. We teach others how to treat us by the way we treat ourselves 100%. And then also I was thinking, like in your example, it's like you're also doing a disservice to your child because then they think that they can treat other people that way and That's not okay, right, you want your child to be respectful and Kind and a good person and you're doing a disservice them because you are teaching them that it's okay to not be respectful, right, and That just it forms their character too. So, like, even just thinking about it from, like, the next generation, right, like I think that it's important to have that bigger picture perspective. So you know, maybe it's too late for you to change a spouse or a boss or a friend right on how they treat other people, but you know, again, like it comes down to what are you tolerating in Your life that's not worthy? you know that you're that, you that you're not deserving of, right, anymore.

Speaker 2: 21:52

I think that having kids is such an incredible perspective shift That so many women that I've talked to Haven't been ready or willing or able to make the changes for themselves. But then their kids come into the mix. I Think especially daughters, but I have a son and I know it's still applicable there. They realize that they're always watching and everything from How we talk about exercise, how we talk about our bodies, the types of foods that we eat and how we talk about those foods, but not just that. Also what you were just talking about of you know.

Speaker 2: 22:29

One day, i hope my son will, you know, have a partner and a family and I want to know that he's gonna treat the people in his life with the respect that they deserve, and That's gonna be a lot harder to do if I've allowed him to not respect us For his early part of his life.

Speaker 2: 22:48

And I think, especially with daughters, that can be so sobering for moms to realize that they're they're furthering the Relationship with food and their bodies that their mom set for them and a lot of moms did not set good examples and To realize I think one of the most powerful things about being a parent is to realize that you have the Opportunity to influence the next generation and to be the generation where that stops, where you speak about your body differently, where your daughter has a good relationship with food and her body and exercise, where she knows that she's deserving of respect. And if that is the catalyst that Allows you to make your own changes, to lead by example, how amazing is that that you guys can learn and grow together, and it benefits not just you but, like we were talking about earlier, kind of that ripple effect for who knows how long yeah, i mean even just having a good relationship with your body and having and prioritizing your health.

Speaker 1: 23:45

I Mean that's all part of how you learn to also love yourself, too, right, it's like you have to love yourself in a healthy way to know that You have to take care of this body, that you're in right, that your health is the most important thing, because without it, you don't have anything else. Like you can't, you know, have a great job, right, you can't be, you'll have brain fog and you'll have you'll be lost, you know. And, and we lose our way when we're not spending the time taking care of ourselves, even if it's just getting enough sleep every night. Right, like, our brain backs up everything that we learned throughout the day, right, all of the memories and everything like that. And if we're not allowing ourselves good, healthy rest, even Then that process doesn't get to take place. And then think about all the things that you're not gonna remember about, like maybe when your children were Small right, because when our children are little, like we don't get a lot of sleep and you like forget little things. And in the moment, you're like, oh, i don't never want to forget this because it's such a precious time right for for our children when they're young and their babies. But because we're not getting enough sleep We very often do.

Speaker 1: 24:55

But I love how you're laying it out that how we treat ourselves is going to impact the future generations.

Speaker 1: 25:01

And if we want our children to love themselves and to take care of their bodies and their health and to prioritize that and to make good Decisions too right think about, like, when they're teenagers or they go off to college, you want them making healthy choices and That needs to come from a place deep within, not because you told them so right, because at some point you're not going to be there to tell them What's right and what's wrong. So part of that decision is like well, when you eat that or when you don't move your body, how does that feel? How does that feel? Do you feel good? and having them tune into Those choices that they're making and the impact that it has on the other side can be really powerful and helping them to build a good, healthy relationship with themselves and To learn to love themselves enough to take care of themselves so that they're not getting into a place of burnout and depletion, and all of that so that they can show up in their relationships.

Speaker 2: 25:55

Exactly There's, you know there's always going to be a default choice and What we normalize when they're young in directly influences what the default choice is. And You know, for us it's prioritizing Lean proteins and fruits and veggies at our meals and talking about, you know, foods that we have sometimes and foods that we prioritize because they help us have energy and be strong and healthy and see well and all of those things that That just becomes the norm for them and that's just so cool to. You know, i think Probably the majority of us of our sort of generation in your, you know, 30s, 40s, beyond. I Don't know that any of us really had much in the way of like nutrition education. I certainly didn't.

Speaker 2: 26:41

You know, my parents would put, you know, some sort of vegetable on the table, but Not, not nearly to the extent to that, you know, i'm passing along to to my son and I just think it's such an amazing opportunity that he will one day be a young man who Just chooses certain foods because they're what he's been exposed to. And it really is as simple as that. It it's not a question, because it's just the norm, and Though it may not be the norm for us and it may require work on our end to to create that Within a generation it we've shifted things and then Our kids are gonna raise their own kids and it's gonna be their norm. And it's just so cool to see that, like the work that we're doing Isn't just for ourselves but it's gonna benefit generations.

Speaker 1: 27:32

Yeah, yeah, i mean like I grew up in the 80s Right, everything was like reduced fat, low sugar, which was not healthy because they were just adding all this other crap into the food, right, which was just terrible.

Speaker 1: 27:43

But yeah, absolutely 100%. and becomes like you said, like it's like, it's almost like a no-brainer right, like they don't have to think about it, exactly, it's just what feels good. And I think that even like that question of like well, how do I feel after I move my body, or how do I feel after I eat a really unhealthy meal or processed food or whatever it might be, can help us then make healthier choices to right. It's a matter of like retraining our brain and Giving our mind that evidence that, okay, when I move my body and even if it's just for 15 minutes, i feel better, i'm in a better headspace, i feel like I can focus better, i feel like, you know, i have actually more energy, not less energy, and just like noting that down and like writing it down, i think is a really powerful process to give us that evidence again, to instill that good habit and be consistent with it.

Speaker 2: 28:30

I agree with that. I completely do.

Speaker 2: 28:32

I was gonna give you exact same advice of write it down, because it's hard to remember in a different moment how you were feeling before, and I know that one of the things that helped me get out of my binge and restrict cycle was I started writing down Just how terrible I felt after a binge not just physically like I am feeling ill, but mentally. I felt so hopeless and frustrated and mad at myself and, just you know, shame spiral. And I wrote that down, not to make it a bigger deal, but because I knew I've been doing this over and over and over again. I obviously am not gonna remember this feeling when I'm tempted next weekend. So how do I bring this more to the forefront? and let me kind of pause and see the fork in the road. I can go down this familiar road and this is how I'm gonna end up feeling. Or I can choose this different path and see what happens, see what that changes.

Speaker 2: 29:31

And that's the same thing I recommend to clients now is, after you do a workout that you tried to put off, after you do your meal prep, whatever healthy thing it is, in the midst of those positive emotions, feeling proud of yourself, feeling energized, feeling like a healthy person write that down or leave yourself a voice memo because the short-term temptations whether that's doing a different thing or not doing a thing those are gonna continue to happen.

Speaker 2: 29:58

So you need to arm yourself with as much like you're saying evidence as possible of the choice that you wanna make and the outcome of it. And the more you make the choice that makes you feel good, the bigger that mountain of evidence becomes and the easier it becomes to make that choice, even without reminding yourself exactly how it's gonna feel. You just like, oh yeah, like vaguely in my brain there's like positive association with this thing. I'll just do it. But in the beginning, when you're just so used to doing kind of that familiar thing, it can be so helpful to have that written and to be able to see into the future of like, oh yeah, that's what happens.

Speaker 1: 30:36

Yeah, but I think like something else that you talked about before, which is like that black or white, like all or nothing. Thinking right, it's like okay, well, i already fell off the bandwagon this morning because I had a muffin and I shouldn't have eaten the muffin. So now my whole day is ruined and I might as well just eat whatever I want the rest of the day. You know, which is like such a bad thing, cause it's like, no, every moment, every choice that you get to make throughout your day actually makes a difference. So it's like how do we move through that? We have to actually think again.

Speaker 1: 31:04

Like, well, how did I feel after that muffin? Well, two hours later, i crashed and I was reaching again for more sugar, because now I spiked my blood sugar with that sugary muffin and I'm just craving more of it. Well, how do I break that sugar addiction? right? How do I break that cycle? Well, i need to make a healthier choice and I need to have a lean protein, i need to have a healthy fat, i need to have greens, i need to have fiber, and then my body will feel salt filled and I will have energy that's going to sustain and I'm not gonna crash in the afternoon, right, absolutely.

Speaker 1: 31:35

And I think that, like you know, writing all those things down can help us in those moments where we do feel like it's like all or nothing. And I think even like with exercise too, right, it's like even if you can only get a five minute ab workout in or something like that right, where you're just moving your body, you're burning a little bit of energy, can be really helpful. And you know, what I want to offer to the listeners is you know, for years I struggled with anxiety and I found that moving my body was a really good tool. Before I had tools to regulate my nervous system, to help me expel any energy that was stagnant or stuck in my body that was keeping me in that anxiety. You know just that anxiety in general, instead of my mind just spinning, it allowed me to kind of drop back into my body, get into my body, so that I was not up in my head just like going in circles.

Speaker 2: 32:26

Absolutely. I think people tend to see someone who looks fit or looks healthy and thankfully it just comes easily to you. you're just never tempted by anything. you just always want to do you know the workout or choose a healthy choice, and you know. it sounds like what we're both saying is like you need a lot of experience, you need to go through these things and you need to actually develop that awareness of yourself, your body, the situation and start making those connections between I did this thing and this is how I felt. I did this thing and this is how I felt then.

Speaker 2: 32:58

And at this point I don't really feel like I face a ton of temptations that really legitimately threatened to derail me. but it's not because they don't exist. It's because I have had so many instances of making the choice that doesn't make me feel good that I have finally pieced together. I don't want to feel that way. I know like sure. the last night a bunch of our family members were having ice cream after dinner and I didn't even think twice about it. I just don't like it that much And I knew having something so sweet, having dairy right before bed, like I'm just I'm not gonna wake up feeling great And I want to feel good.

Speaker 2: 33:37

Once you get a taste of feeling good, you want to keep feeling that way, and I think that's part of what makes it so difficult is, when you have been disconnected for that long, you don't know what you're missing. You just kind of settle into this like this is just how people feel We're lethargic, we can't wait for a nap, we need coffee and sugar to get through the day. You don't realize what you're missing. So once you start making those different choices and feeling the difference, it only gets easier because you're like I'm gonna do whatever I need to to continue feeling this good And that makes the temptations that much less tempting. because you're like yeah, that like immediate gratification of like the sugar or the. you know, skipping the workout it's not going to feel as good as the other thing is gonna make me feel.

Speaker 1: 34:22

Yeah, it's almost like to me. It's like a rewiring of like those neural pathways, right, like we're changing. When we change our decisions and we keep them consistent and we start making all those healthy choices, it's like our brain chemistry starts to change too, where, instead of being focused on avoiding pain, we are seeking pleasure. Right, and that's kind of like the same side of it. You know it's two different sides of like the same coin, but it changes and influences the behavior, right, and it channels it in a different, more productive way when we're seeking the pleasure with healthy choices as opposed to seeking the short-term pleasure of ooh, it's gonna taste really like ice cream's gonna taste really good in this moment. But I'm not thinking about how I feel tomorrow morning. How I'll feel tomorrow morning or like that. My stomach's gonna be completely ripped to shreds and I'm gonna feel terrible. I'm gonna be feel bloated and whatever it might be the next day.

Speaker 2: 35:17

Exactly that's really what it is is starting to have that like bigger picture awareness of not just the immediate but also what's kind of the fallout of that. And it's Not just in like the situations we're talking about. It's so helpful in other aspects too. For example, i'll have clients who Maybe skip dinner one night and are asking you know, is this, is this a really big deal? Should I force myself to eat if I wasn't hungry? and we talk about sort of the the short and the long-term Consequences, that, as a one-off Under-eating one day, not a problem, it'll all work itself out, it's nothing to stress about. But the thing to be aware of is how does that under eating impact you the next couple of days?

Speaker 2: 36:00

We fail very often to make the connections between Things that are related but have so much distance between them that we don't see it right away. So you might, you know, skip dinner on Monday, wednesday. you're like I am a ravenous monster and I don't know why, like I'm not PMSing, i don't know what it is, and it can take some time and this is why collecting data can be really helpful to start to realize. Oh, you know what, every time I skip dinner, a couple days later I have this insatiable hunger. So now that I have that information, does that change what I want to do on days that I it gets late and I haven't had dinner? Do I want to continue to skip it and just go into those next couple days with heightened awareness? Do I want to eat something anyway and know that it's gonna stave off something later? So just kind of like Starting to map out, i picture like a one of those detective boards, like all the pins and like the spider web of the yarn of like How the people are connected is like.

Speaker 2: 36:55

Everything about this is interconnected our movement, our nutrition, our mindset, our lifestyles, our relationships. It's also Intertwined that you need to start kind of distancing yourself from the emotions of it, from the day to day of it, and figure out all of these Synapses that that you might never realize were even there.

Speaker 1: 37:16

Yeah, i mean even just thinking about like well, how did I sleep that night after I didn't eat dinner, right like. And then how did I feel the next day? was I snapping at my children? Did I have less patience, right right. Did I have more brain fog? Was I having a hard time focusing and concentrating on my work? or whatever it might be, because that's all part of it too. It's like noticing all those other Impacts of how it.

Speaker 2: 37:37

You know how it can challenge you in your day Exactly after, yeah, and I think a lot of times were so focused on weight That we overlook those broader Lifestyle benefits that, independent of your clothing size or your inches or the number on the scale, how is your energy, like you said, how is your mood? Are you enjoying your life more? Are you getting more restful sleep? and then you know everything is better when you're better rested. So really recognizing that when we talk about health, we're not just we're not just talking about weight. That's such a tiny component of it. Everything is better when you are health focused.

Speaker 1: 38:17

Yeah, i agree. And then also like something that was just popping into my mind, which is you know when you are choosing to move your body. You know, for me at least, like I tend to go through I can be very, very consistent, but I go through cycles of what type of exercise I prefer. So, like I'll get really into yoga And I'll be into it for like three years and then all of a sudden, like I'm into like going to dance classes And then all of a sudden, i'm into like doing more like hit-style workouts, and then I but I need to constantly like change it up and I think that, like sometimes we're like Oh well, everyone else is doing it and they've had these results, so I need to keep doing it, even though now it's like I'm dragging myself to this class or to do this workout or whatever That I just want to like give everyone like this permission slip.

Speaker 1: 39:00

Like it's okay to change up your routines too If you start feeling like you need something different. Right, like it's not like a one-size-fits-all back to like something else that you mentioned earlier. Right, that we're all different and we don't have to have like the same prescription For what that looks like.

Speaker 2: 39:16

That's a great point, and that's something that I see so many women use against themselves is Oh, i can just never stick with anything. It's like, okay, let's talk about what kind of duration we're talking about. Are you jumping ship from program to program every few weeks, every couple months? Okay, that is something to address. But when we're talking about what you were just saying of like I just kind of go through these phases where this interests me and that doesn't Giving yourself the the distance to realize What is my actual goal here, is it to do, you know, a thousand workouts of this style, or is it to be somebody who is active in whatever way, feels good long term, and You know, to just not like weaponize things that truly are not a problem?

Speaker 2: 39:59

good for you for having varied interests. Good for you for maintaining your consistency through different seasons of your life. There's just, there's always a different way to think about something, and I think we often Choose the negative when it comes to ourselves. So, instead of feeling like, oh yeah, i'm just this, like you know, i can't stick with anything, it's like well, what's the positive of that? Have you developed new strengths? Have you made new friends and social connections? Are you still doing something Like that, those are all wins and you're absolutely right Like let's just be explicit that, like you have permission to do that.

Speaker 1: 40:34

Totally and even just like within your week too. Like you don't have to like if you're gonna get into running and strength training. Like you don't have to do both of those things every single day, you know like.

Speaker 2: 40:43

Right, exactly like. Just think about how much in your life changes from you know, day to day, week to week, month to month, year to year.

Speaker 1: 40:49

Well, even just like with your cycle too, right, like there's certain times during the month where you're gonna have low energy and doing a high intense workouts Just not gonna feel good, it's gonna feel like a slog. So maybe that day you just go for like a long walk, right, you know, i don't know, like you find another way. It doesn't have to be something that, like you know, honoring your body and its energy levels to and your health, like how you're feeling, like if you're just coming out of a cold, like don't beat yourself up over. Like I didn't get my workout in today, you know exactly.

Speaker 2: 41:17

Oh wait, i'm hacking up along, so like, right right, work with your body, you work with your brain, like, of course They're gonna be scenarios where you need to get yourself uncomfortable and things like that, but more so, we're talking about just not being a you know SHIT head to yourself and Like recognizing yeah, i can push myself through this really intense workout when I'm PMSing and already feel miserable And I'm not even gonna feel good afterwards.

Speaker 2: 41:43

Or I can say today is not the day. I'm gonna take a walk and reduce some yoga, i'm gonna stretch, i'm gonna take it easy and Then actually feel good and and trust that this is not gonna last forever. I will get back into intensity in the future. But that, you know, nothing is static. I think we see that in most areas of our lives, but I think we have a hard time realizing that with our health, that we feel like I should just be able to eat the same thing every Day, do the same workouts, have no, you know, variations or fluctuations and it's just not realistic. Your weight is gonna fluctuate, what you want to do for movement is gonna vary and it's all okay.

Speaker 1: 42:19

Yeah, i love that. That's so. I think that's such a good permission slip for everybody. Because, even so, like some of us are not meant to be consistent, right, like where some of us are like, okay, get up every morning at 5 am To work out, and that's my time, and other people are gonna be like, yeah, sometimes I like to work out in the morning, sometimes, like, do it in the afternoon, sometimes it's the evening before I go to bat. You know, like just making sure that, like you know, whatever consistency looks like to you, it doesn't have to be regimented and routine, like root, nice, it can be Flexible and you can go with the flow and you can kind of, you know, lean into like, okay, like I notice, like this week I'm feeling really energetic in the morning and you know, next week Maybe, like I have more time in my day or more energy in my afternoon, or something like that.

Speaker 2: 43:00

I love that. That's a great point and very well phrased. Consistency versus, you know, being regimented. That's something I think each of those things can you know. Flexibility and and being more Or structured can benefit you at different times. When you're starting a new habit, it is very helpful to kind of work that in Monday, wednesday, friday at lunch, i do these things. It starts to become like you feel like you should be doing it. But there are also times where that ends up working against you and you're like, oh, a meeting ran long, i can't get my workout. In guess I can't do it. It's it's past lunch. So, developing both of those skill sets and, most importantly, being able to toggle between them as needed Depending on what's going on in your life, Yeah, yes, definitely for sure.

Speaker 1: 43:44

And I think also just like back to what we were talking about, which is like just having compassion for yourself too, right, and that that inner critic that we were talking about, right, like don't let the inner critic take over, or like give yourself some compassion and grace where, even if, like, you're like, oh, i didn't get the tough workout in today, i did something really gentle, but you know what, maybe that's what your body needed that day and it's totally okay.

Speaker 2: 44:05

There's always tomorrow part of our coaching framework is what we call compassionate ownership, and it's exactly what you just talked about Treating yourself with the same compassion you would give anyone else in your life, recognizing that you're an imperfect human and that's fine, and also recognizing that it is your responsibility to make the necessary changes, and not from you know this like hardcore, militant perspective, but from that place of love we were talking about earlier of Okay are the. You know I am giving myself the grace that I need, but I do also need to be Realistic and look at am I getting the results that I want? am I feeling good? am I healthy? am I happy? and, if not, recognizing it's my responsibility to change that. So you know, learning how to tow that line between giving yourself the grace and and showing up for yourself when you need to.

Speaker 2: 44:58

Every workout probably shouldn't be that sort of laxadaisical Well, i moved, i did something Just like every workout shouldn't be the hardcore I gave every ounce of bloods wet and tears that I had. It's that in between, and it's figuring out when do I push, when do I ease up, and striking a balance that works for you in this phase of your life.

Speaker 1: 45:18

Amazing. Yes, definitely, oh my gosh, i love that. So I, you know, I think that we we've hit like on a lot of different things. Is there anything else that maybe you think might be helpful for our listeners to know? that might be That we didn't talk about yet.

Speaker 2: 45:34

I think the the only thing is I know we have covered a lot and that some of this, if you are Feeling like this, is pretty far from your reality To know that Getting here is possible for you. This balance, this, this mindset, this kind of overall That we're talking about, is possible even for you and All you have to do is start, pick one thing, commit to it, get some wins under your belt, get some momentum going and you're gonna already feel more capable of doing the next thing. And when you take it just step by step like that, you will make so much progress and you'll do it without the overwhelm that comes with a lot of the changes that we try to make.

Speaker 1: 46:14

Yeah, one of the things that I do when I'm coaching clients and of course I'm not coaching them from this perspective, but just when we're trying to instill new habits, it's always I always make the suggestion of like, basically, like you don't have to like break the habit Gold, cold Turkey or whatever, like right now, like it's just like let's just take small baby step, let's make a tweak maybe just making a tweak to a bad habit So that it looks becomes more of a good habit in some way, and then just like building upon that. So you know, if you're looking at this and you're like, wow, like I really haven't even worked out in the last five years, right, like I'm just supposed to just start this week and I'm just gonna jump into like an hour-long class, well, maybe that's not going to be setting you up for success. Maybe you need to kind of Gradually, kind of move your way into getting into a regular routine and maybe you start with a 20-minute you know Exercise routine. Maybe it's. Maybe breakfast is the one meal that you have the most control over. So maybe that's where you start with making different choices for, say, your nutrition. Right, like okay, like I have control over breakfast, i'm gonna make sure every morning that I have a meal that has protein in it and healthy fats And greens and fiber and all that kind of stuff. And then maybe you know, eventually you get to tweaking lunch and dinner and everything like that.

Speaker 1: 47:31

But like making those small changes because, especially if, like, you're a mom and you're cooking dinner for your family, like it might be really hard to like there if your kids are used to having like chicken nuggets every night for dinner And all of a sudden you're throwing in like a salmon dish with like a side of asparagus and like maybe brown rice or something They're gonna look at and be like what is this, you know? so maybe, like we just slowly make the changes, like we give them a few chicken nuggets and then we give them the vegetables and you know something else. So do you agree with that? Does that absolutely? Yeah, yeah. Well, thank you so much. This has been such a great conversation And I love that we were talking about all of this and how it can really impact how we show up for ourselves, how we show up in our relationships for other people and how we can really focus on our being a whole person and By health is like such an important aspect of all of that, because it really sits at the middle of it all right, where we are taking Good care of ourselves so that we can Feel like we are Complete and that we are whole and that we are not seeking something outside of ourselves to fill us up at the end of the day, or where we're not depleting ourselves to give more than what we have to give.

Speaker 1: 48:39

Thank you so much for coming on. Thank you for having me All right listeners. Until next time, be well. If you're hearing this message, that means you've listened all the way to the end, and for that I am truly grateful. If you enjoyed this episode and found it valuable, Would you mind leaving us a review wherever you listen to podcasts and sharing it with others? If you'd like to connect with me for one-on-one coaching or human design reading, you can find me on my website or on social media. Also, if you have a topic you'd like me to discuss on a future episode, please DM me. Be sure to tune in next week for another episode of stepping into meaningful relationships.