Thrive Like a Mother Podcast
I'm Ebony and I'm a mama to 3 beautiful souls. I'm learning how navigate my trauma healing while building the life I never dreamed was possible. I'm a survivor of childhood abuse and for the longest time, I believed that if anyone knew my story, I wouldn't be worthy of love. Many years later and now I know that it far from the truth.
On the Thrive Like a Mother podcast, I'll share the resources and tools I use on the daily to cultivate a healthy mindset break the wheel of survival. Here we're about honesty and transparency. Because at the root of it all, my purpose in creating this podcast is so that you know you are never alone in your journey.
There may be laughter, there may be tears and we'll do it all by linking arms and learning to thrive together.
Thrive Like a Mother Podcast
Daring to thrive with Dr. Greg Linkowski
What does it mean to truly thrive after trauma? At 71, Dr. Greg Linkowski calls this his "last and best quarter" – a remarkable perspective from someone who witnessed his father's attempted suicide as a teenager, navigated a demanding medical career, and experienced the heartbreak of raising and losing a special needs child.
Dr. Linkowski's journey through childhood trauma to purposeful living offers profound insights for anyone seeking healing. His candid discussion about breaking generational cycles of alcohol use resonates deeply, as does his emphasis on daily spiritual practice. "God loves desperate people," he shares, reflecting on the desperate search for healing during his son David's decade-long battle with a rare neurological condition.
Writing his memoir Dare to Thrive wasn't just about sharing wisdom – it became another step in his healing journey. Dr. Linkowski discovered that revisiting painful memories brought unexpected emotional challenges, proving that healing is ongoing rather than a destination. His refreshing honesty about not "consistently thriving" offers hope to those who feel discouraged by setbacks in their own healing process.
For listeners navigating trauma, Dr. Linkowski provides practical wisdom: prioritize self-care, establish a faith practice, seek professional help including therapy and medication when needed, build a support network, and find mentors. "You can't pour from an empty vessel," he reminds us – essential advice for caregivers who often neglect their own wellbeing.
What's your legacy? For Dr. Linkowski , it's not his professional accomplishments but the love, generosity, and forgiveness he hopes to leave behind.
Connect with Dr. Greg Linkowski on Instagram @thegreglinkowski_m.d. Read his story in Dare to Thrive available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble.
Thank you so much for listening in! If this episode spoke to you, it would mean the world to me if you left a review or shared it with a friend. And don’t forget to tag me so I can personally thank you for helping me spread the word.
Follow and chat with me on Instagram:
Podcast account - @thrivelikeamother.podcast
Personal account - @thrive.empowered
Sending you light and love always!
Hey, love, I'm Ebony and welcome to Thrive Like a Mother On this podcast. We're scared for our truth, but that fear is what fuels us to truly live in it. You're in the right place if you feel like you're stuck in survivor mode and you're ready to step into who you were truly meant to be. I'll share resources and tools I use daily to help you in your journey towards a healthier mindset and to break the wheel of survival. The journey may not be easy, but you won't have to face it alone. I'm a mama of three, healing day by day from past trauma, and I'm on a mission to build a life I've always dreamed of but never thought was possible. So, love, if you're ready to believe in what's possible, let's link arms and thrive together. All right, loves. Welcome to another episode of the Thrive Like a Mother podcast.
Speaker 1:Today's guest y'all he is bringing a lifetime of wisdom, resilience and really deeply personal insight to our discussion today Dr Greg Lankowski, isa, retired diagnostic radiologist. He's a proud husband and father and now the author to Dare to Thrive. Lessons Learned from a Trauma Survivor. And at 71 years old, greg is calling this his last and best quarter. So in this episode we're really going to dive in, what it looks like to reclaim your identity after trauma, what it looks like to deepen your faith and also to use your story to help others to thrive, to use your story to help others to thrive. So, greg, I'd love to jump right in, because we started with a bang here that you said this is your best quarter, yet what is making you feel most alive?
Speaker 2:right now. Well, ebony, first of all, thank you for having me on your podcast and to all the mothers out there. My heart goes out to you and you have, without a doubt, the hardest job in the world. You know, what's bringing life for me is what I would probably call and I probably borrowed this from somebody but purposeful living. As a child, I went through a tremendous amount of trauma in my family of origin and spent many actually at least three decades in my own therapy and basically to learn how to become a good husband and a good father and a good grandfather.
Speaker 2:And there's a combination of things that I have tumbled to at this station of life, one of which is extremely important and I can't stress the importance of this is basically abstaining, or nearly abstaining, from alcohol consumption. I have found out, and it's taken me many years of essentially following the generational curse in my family of drinking, at times to excess and at times to numb out the pain for which I was experiencing. And I'm here to tell you I wish I knew now what I knew back when I was a teenager or early adult or adult. I could have saved myself a tremendous amount of pain.
Speaker 2:But that's one thing, and another thing that I am doing consistently, at least over the last few years, is I'm doing my very best to pray daily, and I pray by myself for about maybe five or 10 minutes, read a little bit of the Bible and most days, in fact even this morning, my wife and I do devotional together. We read a couple of different devotionals and we pray together. That is really so important. Now, I'm also sensitive to the fact that many women who are likely listening to this podcast are single moms and that is like extra tough. But I wake up and I strive to keep in my mind as I go through the day God, help me bring honor and glory to you in whatever comes across my path, and that's a term I'm borrowing from Pastor Doug, who wrote the foreword to my book Shameless Promotion of Dare to Thrive.
Speaker 1:That is true.
Speaker 2:But it really does work. And it also works with doing your best to consistently get enough sleep, and that can be a challenge. You have an infant. You have a child who's sick, but that is really important and also taking care of the temple that God gave you, and that does include physical activity and exercise.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I love that you're describing this way of purposeful living, I feel like for all of our listeners, you really kind of have to dig deep into what that means what that means for you.
Speaker 2:Get curious, you know.
Speaker 1:Don't wait years and years to think about these things for yourself, you know, start implementing them now. And so I love that you brought up the book, because I would love to talk about, like, what inspired you really to write Dare to Thrive at this point in your journey.
Speaker 2:Well, actually writing.
Speaker 2:My story, and largely the story of my primary family, namely my wife and my children, centered around the wonderful blessing that we had with our children and, as it turns out, we had and we have a living daughter who is thriving, who's married and has four little ones and who I who maintain an anonymity for you know, for podcast purposes but who I am so in love with. Three years after our daughter was born, we were blessed with a son and we named him David. We found out a few months into his life that things were basically the wheels started coming off the train and we believed we had a healthy baby boy. At about a little over three months of age, we came to the realization that David was not making eye contact and out of an abundance of caution, we brought him to the pediatrician who happened to be one of my colleagues, and we watched carefully as his facial expression changed from basically just his usual self to he had a very serious and very concerned look on his face and we're both thinking oh my God, what's going on?
Speaker 2:And he said your son has developmental delay. At that time I had no idea what that meant. I thought, oh for sure he'll catch up, you know, no problem. Well, as it turns out, things went from bad to worse. David had a cat skin, an MRI of his brain, as well as an urgent pediatric neurologist consultation, and then, about one or two months after that, around five months of age, seizures began to happen with David and essentially his overall health basically deteriorated to the that he was functionally a quadriplegic and in many ways, an infant in being able to communicate, couldn't talk, couldn't walk, and we found out that he had some type of abnormality in the white matter of his brain which they never actually came up with a diagnosis.
Speaker 2:but I know that God knows the diagnosis and God is the great physician, even though I am only a physician. But going through life with David, he lived almost 10 years. We were able to keep him home with us with the help of AIDS and even for a time we had a live-in nanny. We were blessed to be able to have that and I'm sensitive to the fact that many people do not have those resources. We were very fortunate in that we could have David home.
Speaker 1:It was one heck of a journey.
Speaker 2:I would not recommend signing up for one. But you know, there is a saying that God and we've all heard this, probably God will never give you more than you can handle. More than you can handle, and so my response is God must love us an awful lot. But I started writing about experiences that we were going through with David back in like 1995.
Speaker 2:And I even kept some of my notes and I kept records of his medical appointments and stuff. So I have, like I had, a whole treasure trove of data that, because you know, when you're going through something really really terrible, you might even wonder is this really happening and why? You know you can question why God, why there?
Speaker 1:is no answer. Yeah, and we don't know here.
Speaker 2:You know there is. I hope to find out when I pass on and go to heaven. Maybe those questions will be answered, I don't know. But also my family of origin. We witnessed an attempted suicide that my father did while very intoxicated. That my father did while very intoxicated when I was about 13 or 14, he actually shot a loaded .45 caliber semi-automatic pistol into the floor of the kitchen and announced to our family that he was going up stairs to kill himself. And I've visited that scene many times in my life, both in my dreams and my own
Speaker 2:therapy. And I slowly realize now that we all got post-traumatic stress disorder, at least some hell of a dose of it from our family. And I thank God that we were able to subdue. My dad and I wrenched the loaded gun out of his right hand and one of my brothers confiscated all of dad's weapons, and really wisely, which I'm very grateful for. But you know the stresses and everything of becoming a physician. But you know the stresses and everything of becoming a physician, which were many, many battles to overcome. And God, I am convinced I didn't know it at the time, but I am convinced God was walking with me, whether I was walking with him or not? Wow, and lots of times I wasn't.
Speaker 1:And, I think, going through our marriage has its challenges.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm married to my medical school sweetheart and we've been married 41 years plus and there isn't much we haven't lived through. Some of it is not podcast material, but we've lived through a lot. And then we discovered, probably about 12 years ago, our third child, emmy. Our son came out as gay. That was a very unexpected challenge, to put it mildly, very unexpected challenge to put it mildly. And through my growth as a father, I had to come to terms with my own views about sexuality and about those types of things. And I mean I give myself a lot of space and a lot of grace because where I was coming from, I grew up in New York in the 60s I was an altar boy in the Catholic Church even back when the mass was Latin and being gay was very taboo then. And I've been with many evangelical christian groups over the years, and that I mean the prognosis. If you're gay according to people's, what some folks say is dismal.
Speaker 2:As far as your eternal reward, I'm here to tell you, having lost one son, I could not and will not ever turn my back on my believe and and and Ebony, listen, as a doctor, we're trained, we're supposed to know everything. Uh, uh, I'm, I'm 71 and still learning, but anyway. So now, now move the clock up to about four years ago and I realized, okay, I retired, I have a good retirement, my wife is semi-retired and we're very comfortable. We're very comfortable, I mean financially, we're blessed with abundance, we're blessed with abundance. My question to myself was what difference am I going to make in the world? What kind of legacy will I leave? And I almost got like a download from God write your story story. And uh, I was, yeah, let's just say uh, encouraged by a few, a few other people in my life that you know that would be a real interesting read. So I, I have some wisdom. I also, as you can tell, love to talk a lot.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that my mother had a phrase she passed on, I think three years ago, yes, but she had a phrase a little bit of Greg goes a long way and I love that. I love that phrase because I interpret it now as a compliment, but anyway, so those are some of the underlying things. I can imagine my world as a doctor, I know that with writing. Dare to Thrive even just what we've been talking about now.
Speaker 1:It requires a lot of reflection within your past within yourself, and even you know what brought you to write the book, thinking of like what legacy am I going to leave? Are there any? Or really, what were some of the most surprising or healing moments that came up for you as you were writing the book, as you were revisiting your past?
Speaker 2:Well, very frankly, about probably four or five months into writing, I could feel myself going down. I could feel my emotional state. I was in tilling the soil that I. I thought I was done with grieving david's passing. I thought I had mastered my family background. I mean, you know I was, I was and am a perfectionist in recovery as well as a, you know, people pleaser in recovery. Many of those things came to the surface and that propelled me to do some of my own insight psychotherapy, which helped me kind of make friends with myself and unravel some of why I was dragging myself again through stuff that I thought I had missed.
Speaker 1:Maybe they're not that you know, maybe they think they've processed but haven't fully yet. Especially when you have children, you know there are traumas and things that come up for us that maybe we thought we had overcome. Right, it's, having a kid is kind of like, you know, getting a very, very large mirror into when a kid is kind of like, you know, getting a very, very large mirror into you know your childhood and how you want to show up as a parent. So, gosh, yeah, thank you for sharing that, because I know a lot of our listeners will connect to that. I want to bring a lot out about your faith, about your faith, and I want to ask how your faith, even in those moments of doubt, how they really played a role in how you've handled the hardest parts of your life. I know we talk about your son, sammy, right? If we want to touch on that example or any other points of your life where you've really had to dig deep and hold on to your faith, and how it's helped you.
Speaker 2:I can remember a particular time Now. This was back probably when David was five or six years old. I happened to be playing a round of golf with Pastor Doug and our good friend Jerry. We were a trio for a time and I can remember vividly just having this conversation with them and I believe this happened asked.
Speaker 2:God to either take David home or give him a creative miracle and heal him while he was still on earth. And in essence, that was very, very liberating, because I realized that his fate and my fate, we all belong to God. I mean, god is the author and finisher, but we did our part. I mean we went to. I mean you can't make up what we did. We went to Catholic charismatic healing ministries, protestant, baptist, whatever you name it.
Speaker 2:If there was a healing evangelist in town, chances are we were there. We were desperate for a miracle. Oh and, by the way, another saying is God loves desperate people, that's for sure. And so, just knowing that I wasn't, I was the parent and, yeah, I was an active caretaker and participant, father to David, who had major special needs, but also father to our daughter and an other healthy son.
Speaker 2:And it was a juggling act and, believe me, during the years David was alive, the other two kids probably didn't get all the attention that they needed or deserved. There just wasn't enough to go around. But I will tell you what did show up. I'm here to tell you, if you were to meet us in person, our children and even our grandchildren, just by virtue of having had David in our lives, we have much deeper sense of empathy and compassion for people, because there's no substitute for experience. I mean, we've been there, I know what it's like and I'm just very grateful to be at this station of life with nothing catastrophic really ongoing, but yeah, that is true that is true, that is true Okay.
Speaker 2:You know, there's no shortage of pain in this world.
Speaker 1:put it that way there's no shortage of it, but pain can also have a purpose. So how can we teach our listeners that are listening today, how can we teach them to use their most difficult experiences? How can they use those to help others?
Speaker 2:Well, what comes to mind is, very importantly, take care of yourself. Take care of yourself. You can't pour out of an empty vessel. We know a lot of the phrases, and that can include many, many things, one of which well, a few of which, for sure are if you don't have a faith, walk, get one. It's really good to know okay, I'm living and there is a reason for me to live. You know life is meaningful.
Speaker 2:You are each individual, each of us is here for purpose and in order to embrace life, who you are, it's really important to know the real you, and there are lots of avenues of support out there, including individual and couples therapy, and there's a variety of different types of therapies. There's also pharmacotherapy. The practitioner decides like you have anxiety or depression. That's really, really bringing you down. There's a variety of medications that can help and I totally am a fan of them.
Speaker 2:Happen to have also been the recipient of some different pharmacotherapy agents. But, in addition to therapy, lean on your support. If you happen to have a good relationship with family, let them into your world, because people generally who love you want to help you and not hurt you or your kids. But one has to be careful about that too, because to really know people and trust them, that takes time and it takes experiences, and because you're a precious person I mean Ebony, you, all the people who are listening here, are precious in God's sight, and those little beings that you are entrusted with your children. They are so important. It is up to the parents to embrace that.
Speaker 2:And look, I understand, you know, if you have two, two and a half strikes against you, life can be a bitch, and it is, yes In some ways, and it's it keeps on showing up. So, you know, make sure that you get the help If it's a church group, a secular group, psychologies, a psychologist, marriage counselors. Also, if you're fortunate enough to get a mentor or two in your life, perhaps somebody who's been there, done that and who you respect, and who can come alongside you and put their arm on your shoulder and say you know, you can do it, you go girl, you go guy. Yes, yeah, you bring up a great.
Speaker 1:You go girl, you go guy.
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah, you bring up a great point. I found that to be so important.
Speaker 1:I share this all the time that even if you feel like you don't have the support or you don't have a circle, sometimes you have to be willing to go out and look. There are people out there who are willing to become a part of your circle and your support. There's so many people in this world Just to you know. Get curious and be open. Sometimes that can be scary, right, because you know you don't always know who to trust, right? Yeah, yeah, okay. So let's talk about fatherhood. We've been talking a lot about that during this episode, but I know you speak about it as one of your greatest accomplishments. Greg, can you really just chat about how being a father and experiencing loss has shaped the way you're viewing legacy and love?
Speaker 2:Well, I have to say I've learned in many ways through the school of hard knocks and I embrace now the notion that God is the author and the finisher of life. I am not. I am. I would say I'm a work in progress and indeed I am. And, by the way, if anybody thinks I'm consistently, if anybody thinks I'm consistently thriving, I'm here to tell you I'm not, but I'm still daring to thrive and life is, does have meaning. I think the important thing that I've learned is that we don't know one day to the next about there's no guarantee for longevity of one's life, and life is precious.
Speaker 1:My mandate to myself is live while you're alive.
Speaker 2:I wholeheartedly agree with that, and being a father is just sadly, many men don't take fatherhood seriously. You can come to my home and my wife and I have so many diplomas, so many degrees, so many rewards, and when we pass on I know where they're headed. They're headed to be recycled and to be refilled. So while I'm here, I want to inject humor into situations, because I really got. Both of my parents had good sense of humors, even though they failed at many things, but they and I love to laugh and it makes me feel good when I, like, am able to have people around me laugh and experience joy, you know, and that sort of thing. And experience joy, you know, and that sort of thing. I think the greatest legacy that I desire to leave is a legacy of love and being generous, caring and hopefully a very forgiving individual too. Yeah, I mean, those are some of the key things I too. Yeah, I mean, those are some of the key things, I think.
Speaker 1:Well, Greg, thank you for your time today. If you could leave our community with one final message, especially for the women listening that are navigating currently their own trauma and healing, what would that message be?
Speaker 2:Winston Churchill was famously misquoted as saying never, never, never give up. I mean, what he actually said was more complicated than that. As a paraphrasing it do not give up. God loves you, you are valuable, you are worthy and, very importantly, you're a major value. Your kids need you, and those are some cogent reasons for living and pressing on, despite the difficulties. And, believe me, I can't even imagine some of the stories people are writing in your audience.
Speaker 1:Yes, gosh Well, can you share with them where they can buy Dare to Thrive if they want to dig more into your story, and then also just how they can connect Dare to Thrive if they want to dig more into your story, and then also just how they can connect with you and continue to follow along?
Speaker 2:Well, dare to Thrive is available, actually, through many resources. Probably the easiest is Amazon, also Barnes, noble, noble. I would ask, if I am blessed with having you read my story, if you could post, if you resonate with it, if you could post a review on Amazon, I would be most grateful. You know what I will do, believe it or not, I don't know. Ebony, if you have my Facebook handle or Instagram handle, I should have that right before me.
Speaker 1:That's okay, I will. I think I have the links and I will always make sure we put it in the show notes, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'll direct them there. So very much, yeah, I have. I have somebody else handling my social media, because I'm you wouldn't want me doing it, because you wouldn't want me doing it?
Speaker 1:Gosh, that's great.
Speaker 1:Well, yes, y'all you will be able to find I'll make sure I put a link to the book as well as Greg's social handle, so you can continue to follow along in his journey and again listen to his wisdom, because he shared a lot already on this episode with y'all and Dr Greg. Thank you for your vulnerability, woof, goodness, the words today, your wisdom and, honestly, just your willingness to share your story with our community. Today your life is truly proof that healing it never has an expiration date and that thriving really is always possible, even in those moments where we feel like it may not be. So just thank you.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much, ebony, and God bless you and the good work you're doing, and God bless all the folks out there, onward and upward.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, Thank you so much for listening. Love. If anything in today's episode resonated with you, share it with your bestie or share it on social media and tag me so we can chat about it, as always, sending you light and love, and remember you are worthy, you are enough and you deserve to thrive.
