The moment you realize it’s not aligned anymore (and what to do next) with Laura Parr

What happens when the life you worked so hard for… no longer feels right?

In this deeply honest and unfiltered conversation, I’m sitting down with one of my closest friends, Laura Parr, to talk about what it really looks like when something no longer fits. our job, your relationships, or even the identity you’ve been holding onto.

We talk about:

• The moment you realize you're no longer aligned
• Why feeling “not enough” often starts in childhood
• How your body signals when something is off
• Letting go of expired dreams without guilt
• Raising confident children by modeling self-trust
• Why your worth has nothing to do with your title

If you’ve been questioning your next move, feeling stuck, or wondering if it’s time to let something go… this episode will meet you right where you are.

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Sending you light and love always!

Transcript

Stop Carrying Expired Dreams

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Why are you dragging dreams that have expired from the person that you are into this new era?

SPEAKER_01 0:08

Hey love, I'm Ebony and welcome to Thrive Like a Mother, a podcast for women who are ready to slow down, nourish themselves, and build lives that feel anchored and intentional instead of rushed. If you're tired of surviving and ready to thrive physically, mentally, and spiritually, you're in the right place. Each week I should ground a conversation and practical rhythm to help you regulate your nervous system, strengthen your relationship with food and rest, and return to yourself. Let's take a breath. You don't have to do this alone. Let's thrive together.

Laura Parr Joins The Couch

SPEAKER_02 0:54

Alright. Hey y'all, welcome to the Thrive Like a Mother podcast. Y'all, today's episode is extra special because she's oh my goodness. Y'all, this is one of my closest friends. And when I say that, I mean like she has literally walked through life with me and not just like the highlight reels that you guys get to see on Instagram and things and things like that. I mean like everything, right? Battle. Battlefield. Through the battlefield. But today, my guest is Laura Parr. She is an absolutely incredible mom. Uh, she speaks multiple languages, multiple. Um, she also trains in jujitsu and she's a I don't even know the right word for that. Fabulous, amazing, cool, pushing the bounds type of cook.

unknown 1:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:47

We'll get to that later. But she has been my co-chef since day one. What season conversations before I even like locked in any venue, before I said, like, oh yeah, I'm doing it, when it was literally just a menu.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

Can I just say that I didn't know I was your co-chef until like a week and a half before? I just thought I was helping my close friend develop a menu. Be there with me. She was like, You're coming, right? And I'm like, I I can go help. Yes. No, you need to be in the official title. And I was like, Wait. I was telling everyone else. And they were like, Oh yeah, that makes sense. I was that's just very coded me. Like, I'm just helping my friend thrive in the project, never thinking that I was gonna be that was funny. And then I was supposed to be like with the guests, and then I figured like the ladies that were in the kitchen that who worked on plastic, they were like, You are going to be there with us, right? And I'm like, I wasn't planning to. They were like, but who's gonna give us directions? And I'm like, the document? They're like, no, we need to, and I'm glad I did because they had a lot of questions in the process, yeah. And I knew it's funny, you underestimate what you know and your expertise sometimes. Like, what is it? Um now I'm thinking the word in French and not in Spanish. Great. Uh syndrome, it's like a imposter syndrome. Oh, yeah. I have that heavy, y'all. I don't have that normally. It's just that I don't necessarily think about it. I know I'm a good cook for me, and if I like what I cook, just so you know, just because other people don't like what you cook doesn't mean you're not a cook. You like it, that's all that matters. You know what I mean? Like, if I like sugar or salt in my churros, just let me have my salt in my churros and keep it moving.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:38

You know what I mean? Or like the margarita, like sometimes you make a cough and people are like, I don't like salt. Well, don't put it. Mm-hmm. Facts. How about that? It seems like I like I am an extrovert, but I consider myself more of an ultrovert and I oh that's a new one. Yes. It is a person that is can match energy in a social environment, but that they don't necessarily recharge with people. Yeah. So I'm like, my home is like my haven. Yeah. I have everything in my home, including a popcorn maker.

SPEAKER_02 4:11

All right, y'all. Well,

Naming The “Not A Fit” Feeling

SPEAKER_02 4:12

today, as you can see, this is one of those, I can't even say kitchen table, but if you're sitting on a couch, get comfy. This is one of those types of conversations. We're gonna be diving into what I feel like Laura is literally an expert in, which is when you feel like you're not enough in your job and your relationship and life to yourself and trying to figure out, or not trying to figure out, but trying to understand when something no longer fits fits and like what to do next. Um, so I want to start with your job transition because that's where you're currently at, just in your season of life. I know we talked a lot about how you started to feel like the company you were at was just not a great fit. When did you, I guess, start to feel like it wasn't aligned for you anymore?

SPEAKER_00 5:08

Well, this is a lesson in listen to your body. Um, around like every job is gonna be different. Every job is gonna have a different, it doesn't matter if you have experience in the field or experience in what you're actually doing, you're still gonna feel like there's some level of balance that you need to achieve in order to be successful. And when the quicksand and the pull kept moving, and I realized that it didn't have like structure in the way in which I was learning, even though I knew the industry, I realized that the way in which it was structured wasn't appropriate for me. Yeah. And I started not sleeping. My perimentopause kick started early, so I have early onstead perimentopause. Shout out to the Hog Flash girlies. It's real. Oh my gosh. We're gonna have to talk about that. Yeah, we have to talk about that. I I literally wanna do a podcast where I tell you all the things that your mom never told you. Because I don't mind prepared. I don't like talking about it because I wanna I went to seven gynecologists until the last one was like, oh, you're going through perimenopause. Seven seven. That is a problem. I have never, this is my personality. Don't do this because you'll go to jail. But I wanted to punch them into the next stratosphere when they were like, you just need to work out more. Babes, I do jujitsu three times a week. I don't think that's it. Um, so I I started feeling in my body I couldn't sleep. I was getting like heartburn. I normally am a person that I had underestimated the power of a vacation or of time off. Yeah. Which I think a lot of people are like, oh, my my salary or whatever. Yeah. Take the time off. Take the time off. I mean, at the end of the day, even if they care about you as a person, they're a business. Um, I think the people I worked with, they're all lovely. I still stay in touch with a lot of them. Yeah. And even my boss at the time, she was like, I'd love to give you a recommendation because even though this wasn't a good fit, you will have so much to give. However, it's just a matter of more than you not being a good fit for them. Are they a good fit for you of where you're in life? Maybe that job would have been amazing 10 years ago and you dreamt about this kind of job, and that was your dream job 10 years ago. But I don't know about you, but I'm not the same person, thank God, that I was 10 years ago. Why are you dragging dreams that have expired from the person that you are into this new era? You know what I mean with that? Like, like if seven years ago my goal was to have abs and then I'm still in my health kind of cycle, but now I just want to work out for my cycle and I see exercise as medicine. Then if it's okay for you to change from ab city to health city, why is it okay? Why is it not okay for you to like go like, oh, that job in 2015 that I like would have failed for? I've outgrown that job. I actually think that I have much more to offer than that job at that time. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 8:24

It does. It's like, why do we give ourselves that grace in other areas of our life? Yeah. And when it comes to like jobs and careers, we feel like, oh, I have to stay here because this was my dream job. I'm doing it. Your body will tell you.

SPEAKER_00 8:39

Your body will tell you you won't sleep, you won't eat well, the food that you used to enjoy, you don't enjoy it anymore. You know when I realized that it was like I was making, I've been very blessed that I've made six figures for the past 10 years. And because of the languages, and I've worked in aviation for 15 years, so it's been like um, like really as a single mom in the United States, I feel like first off, they sell you that being a single mom is the worst thing ever. A guy came up with that just saying, but I'm like, I'm very blessed in that area. However, when I stopped enjoying the money that I was making, like I wasn't seeing it as a tool of abundance, I was seeing it as the thing that was keeping me tethered to a place. That's when I knew that something was wrong. And that applies to every single area of my life. Like, if you feel like what's keeping you tethered to a romantic relationship, to a friendship, to like a job is the possibility or the potential of gaining something, you're glorifying that situation for something that it's not. Yeah, but something, even though the job wasn't the right fit for me, and I certainly was not the right fit for them. I appreciate every single lesson that I learned because it helped me be a much better professional and it helped me arrive into my body and ask my body like, why are we feeling like God?

Bless It Or Block It Moment

SPEAKER_00 10:04

The the day I got let go. This is this is well, first off, I asked Jesus on a Saturday, Jesus, can you bless it or block it? There's one thing about me is that I am a very strong manifestor. That Tuesday I got let go. I I'm like Jesus. I mean, you could have given me a couple days, you know, a week. But something yeah. No, I prayed on Saturday and he said, say less, fam. And it happened three days later. But I slept ten hours. Wow. I slept ten hours. You know when was the last time I slept 10 hours? Like two years ago, and so that's when I realized that that decision wasn't like meant to hurt me, it was meant to protect me.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Because he hears conversations that I haven't heard. Yeah. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 10:52

Yeah, absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 10:54

And um, maybe I'm just in my Dululu land, but I'm like, I must be one of Jesus' favorite children because every time that I needed him to protect me from something, he's gone like kaboom for me. Like it's not even like a subtle thing, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:07

It's just like yeah, like okay, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

This is not for her. Yes, goodness. Okay,

Where “Not Enough” Starts

SPEAKER_02 11:14

so we're gonna get into not feeling like you are enough. I know there are many women listening to this episode and this podcast, and like we said in the beginning, they feel like they're not enough in their job, they're not enough in their relationships, not enough as a mom, not enough for themselves. For those people, where do you think I know you have the answer to this? Where do you think that narrative started?

SPEAKER_00 11:38

It starts from many places, but it really does start from upbringing. If you grew up with a mother that behaved like she wasn't enough, you as a child learned to absorb that more than what they said, even if the mom was like, be strong. If the mom is acting in ways in which is not strong, then that's what the little girl is absorbing as this is what strength looks like, or lack of strength looks like. And then if that's a little boy, he's saying, This is the kind of woman I want. And then he's gonna replicate the father figure. It is we all bring things from childhood. I certainly didn't have perfect parents. I did have parents that really tried, but shout out to my parents. I'm so sorry because my parents are very different from me. Like, my my mom is very like, she's like a Barbie, okay? She's like this beautiful Barbie, and she's but she's always like worried about what people think about her or how she says things. My dad, the same. No. Um, in fact, when I was younger, my mom used to say, I'm like, has anybody told you that you're sometimes you're too honest? My child, my childhood answer at 13 years old when my mom said that to me for the first time, is like, I feel like that is a problem for dishonest people. I have never seen my mom so baffled by I still remember that moment because I carry that in my life. Like, your confidence is only a problem for insecure people. Your assertiveness is only a problem for people that are there to confuse you. Instead of asking others what they think about you, ask yourself, well, check-in time. Do I feel good about this decision about for me? If there was nobody else on the planet, then that's all that matters. I see a lot of my friends like go through jobs and relationships and things like that. If you it's gonna sound really bad. I'm sorry, no fan.

unknown 13:37

Okay.

Boundaries In Love And Values

SPEAKER_00 13:38

If you literally are in a relationship and this person doesn't take you out on dates, and that's the reason why you're like not into them anymore, break up with them. If they don't take if they are not, I was in a relationship a long time ago. If that person doesn't prioritize fitness like you do, and for the reasons you do, meaning for health reasons, for longevity reasons, for mental health issues, break up with them. If the person is like, I don't believe in therapists, break up with them. Like, and you do, right? Like it's okay to break up with somebody that doesn't follow your value system. I think sometimes we're looking for that reassurance from other people. Other people don't have to like be in your body. You are a hundred percent of the time in your body and you have survived 100% of your hard days. So why are you asking anybody else for permission for decisions that you can take yourself? And so the other aspect of that is when I left Colombia. Now, one thing about Colombia is that when I left, I didn't know how to drive, I didn't know how to make a bed, I didn't know how to clean because unfortunately in Latin America, women are very coddled. Men are very coddled, but in a different way.

SPEAKER_03 14:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:45

And so when I came here, I was what I like to call a useless human, but I had to learn in a foreign country, in a different language with different cultures because I lived in the international dorms, so I was also learning other cultures at the same time. I had to learn that I had me at the end of the day and at the beginning of the day. And now I'm the girl that likes to make her own butter and builds her own desk. So, and when I go home, my mom is like, I gave birth to sparkly Bob the Builder. What is happening? Yes. Yes. I'm also the person in my family that has made the hard decisions the first time. I was it was the per first person in my entire family lineage to get a divorce. And as you can imagine, that wasn't a fan favorite. Yeah, they were probably like um. No, I was told like I was told, is not liking him still a good enough reason to break up with him? That was a question. I'm like, if I would break up with that person as a boyfriend or less than this, what makes you think that this is not a good enough reason for me to break up now? And that's when I realized like other people will project their insecurities when they give you advice. You have to really find those friends that are willing to take themselves out of an equation and willing to look at your situation in an umbrella and consider your life situation to give you good advice. Yeah. Because you have a lot of friends that will project stuff on you, right? It's like if they're going through a breakup and you're going through a rough patch in your relationship, yeah, they're probably gonna give you toxic advice. Even if yours is a raw patch, maybe it's not as bad as what they're going through, but they're using the opportunity to also work through some of their issues. So you have to find friends that are able to take themselves out of the situation, yeah, be objective and give you the space to make decisions on your own time.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

Because like this is our like this is your life, right?

Friends Who Don’t Project

SPEAKER_02 16:39

Correct. No one else's.

SPEAKER_00 16:40

So But also friends that are now gonna pressure you to make a decision that is outside of your scope. Because I feel like, for example, when I've had friends going through divorces or through custody battles or through job changes, I really take pause when other people are like, you need to break up now and you need to do this now. Well, no, because you don't know what's happening behind the scenes with these people. All you have to do is be there in the suck with the person and be a soft place to land. Stop trying to solve people's lives. You don't know what it is like to be in their scam.

SPEAKER_02 17:14

Goodness. Ooh, okay, I love this question. I don't know. Because, like I said, she is an amazing mom. Um, her son is literally like the male version of her.

SPEAKER_00 17:26

Which may be a good or a bad thing, depending on if you know if you depends on who you are. That may be a good or a bad thing.

SPEAKER_02 17:36

Well, let's

Teaching Confidence By Example

SPEAKER_02 17:37

flip the script a little bit with Frederick. Like, how are you teaching him about confidence and about embracing his own work?

SPEAKER_00 17:47

Example. And not necessarily what I say to him, although he is hilarious, but I'm also obsessed with my kid take that with a grain of salt. But I think showing him through example, yeah, what that looks like. Um he um and my child is very like emotionally intelligent, which I can tell you he did not get that from me because I had to emotional intelligence is a muscle that I had to shape because I didn't grow up in a household or in a country or in a family where emotional intelligence was something that they talked about.

SPEAKER_03 18:23

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:24

I think it was kind of like psycho babble that people talked about to manipulate other people, but it wasn't really understood.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:34

My little brother has been, shout out to Freddy, who is my first baby. I named my son after him, five years younger than me, one of the smartest people I know, if not the smartest. He's like, he is like, I'm a very data-centered person, so I'll make decisions from that place. He's a lawyer, and so our heights are great because I'll bring stats and he'll bring laws, and then my parents are like, we're out, and we're not having this conversation. But with Frederick, I realized early on that he was a lot like my brother. He had my interest in terms of numbers and all that, but he had my brother's heart. And so that really triggered something in me to protect him at all costs.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 19:17

And so one of the things that I will tell him is you do not need to protect people from your feelings, especially your dad and I. Now, his dad is American. We have a different value system. That doesn't mean good or bad, but I will say that Americans are not as expressive. And so this becomes an issue when Frederick is like, I don't like this. And I encourage him every single time. It's like, you don't have to manage other adults' feelings. It is not your responsibility to tell an adult how to feel they're gonna feel how they're gonna feel. And if they're uncomfortable, good growth happens in discomfort. And I am your coach. You are a little human in training, and until the end of time, I'm gonna be your mom. So I need you to sometimes guide me in how to properly coach you. And I think that comes from doing jujitsu for four years now. Sometimes some coaches are not gonna be the best fit for you. That's true. Maybe some teachers or school are amazing, but they're not the right style for you. And that's okay. It's like being so connected to your why and to who you are and your sense of self that you ask first to yourself, is this okay before you ask anybody else? And I know that that takes time and people are like, make a decision now. It becomes pretty automatic after a while. But if you need to take if you need to take seven days to have a conversation with you to break up with that crusty ass man, then do so. Or you just send him this video and then I'll do it for you. You're not good enough for her. Let her go. All right, guys. This is the most PG advice I have. There's more remote. That is true. Um my other advice, a little bit more aggressive and probably like not great for this forum, but it's okay. Now you know. But yeah, so with my son, I'm like, I want you to be exactly who you are. If you're interested in something, I want you to tell me keep me posted. He wanted to learn how to play piano. I bought him a piano. Yeah. Even if he played it for like two or three times, I don't care because you got to explore it. Um, I also told him, okay, I think boy moms are going to relate to this.

SPEAKER_02 21:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 21:24

Especially boy moms that are single moms or are in a relationship with a man that has an undercooked prefrontal cortex. Sorry. Um, I am not gonna let some other woman finish racing my kid. You know what I mean? Like when you go out in the world because I'm supposed to coach you, you're supposed to be fully cooked. That's true.

Money Skills And Useful Humans

SPEAKER_00 21:46

So I've been talking to my kid about investing in finances. He's 12, mind you.

SPEAKER_03 21:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

I've been talking to him. Stop talking to your child like goo goo gaga. Yeah. If you guys remember when you were children, you were. Remember more than you think about your childhood. And so stop treating your children like they don't understand stuff.

SPEAKER_03 22:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:07

Right? They do. Like my cat. Stop treating your children like why are you angry at me? Just say hi to people. This is my other child, my feline child. Anyways. Yeah. I'm gonna be well, Darcy Hair is good because you're cute. Um yeah, with Frederick, I don't talk to him goo-goo gaga. Like he cooks with me. Yeah. He blending. Yeah, yeah. And I'm like, no other work woman, first off, you need to be a complete person whenever you get married so that you're not like looking for a woman that's gonna uh like fill the voids in you, and that applies to boys and girls. But second, you're gonna be a useful human in this relationship. You're gonna be a partner and not another child she has to raise. And so I was like, this is how you vacuum, this is how you cook. I show him our budget sheet, which is unorthodox. I understand that a lot of people have insecurity about this, but I will show him how much I invested that month, what I invested it in, why I invested it in there. I'll show him savings and why I did that and the percentage. And actually, he understood percentages and all that. Yeah. Before he started taking it in school.

SPEAKER_03 23:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

So his teacher was a little taken aback. Why does he know percentages? He's like in fourth grade. Yeah. Like because he has me. He's fine. And so we always underestimate how much our children are able to learn or actually learning. And I remember how bright and like on it I was at his age. And I'm like, no, I'm not gonna treat I'm not gonna assume that you want Barbies and Transformers at 12. I'm gonna ask you exactly what you want and you need. Um that's just how I'm gonna do it. And it's paid dividends now that he's older. He recently, and I think you saw this in a post in Facebook. He was like, Yeah, he was like, Mom, I talked to dad about investing, and he said yes. So can you teach me how to invest? And I'm like, say less fam. I did like a child-coded investment presentation on like what's a stock, what's an ETF? You know what NETF is, look for it. Because my generation wasn't taught about this, and so I learned this the rough way, and that's one thing about my life that I learned all these lessons the wrong way, meaning that I went through it and now I'm telling you about it, so you don't have to, and I had to wait. And sometimes some people are good at learning from other people's skin. Yeah. I wasn't, yeah. Because I would see people go through stuff and about life, I had to go through health things, through monetary things, to everything things on my own so that the lessons stuck. And um, I ensured that whenever I'm in the process of learning those lessons, that I bring my son in so that he feels a sense of ownership. Um, and so I see it like training wheels a little bit. Like I'm learning I'm teaching you how to ride a bike with training wheels so that whenever you go through this, you know it's not so bad. Like whenever

Worth Beyond Titles And Flowers

SPEAKER_00 25:09

I lost my job, I sat him down and he was like, Why aren't you freaking out? It was like, Because my job title doesn't define my worth as a person. I don't care if I have director or senior or manager in my title when I get to be Laura at the beginning and at the end of every single day.

SPEAKER_02 25:25

I love that. So I still have that. It also just I think teaches your children that hey, I'm still a human on this earth too. I think sometimes they see us as, oh yeah, no, mom, mom's a like superhuman, a super superhero. And it's like, no, I'm also human. I'm still living life, I'm still learning.

SPEAKER_00 25:45

One something that my child tells me is that I love that no matter what you're going through, life. He told me that recently, and it made me take a step back because I'm like one of those moments that was like, wow, I am doing a good job. You know, that I was like, he said, I love it that even when you're going through hardship, your outlook on life never changes. You you always see abundance. You always are there for your friends. Instead of like dying in a depressive episode, what you're doing is that you are using that time to help friends, to engage in things, to expand on the languages and the language learning. Uh retake the piano and stuff. Like, I don't, I'm not a person that sits idle waiting for somebody else to tell her you are worth. No. And I think that um I've survived 100% of my hard days. And yes, I had community in the process, which is so important, but nobody did the heartlifting for me. I had to do, I had to do every single bit of effort, and I give myself kudos because I feel like we're always so scared of giving ourselves like flowers when flowers are gone. But then we give other people flowers. Yeah. From what garden are you giving them flowers if yours is scarce? I give myself enough flowers every day so that I am able to give that abundance to the people I love, which is like three percent of the planet. But that's fine. That's another conversation.

Share, Tag, And Closing Words

SPEAKER_01 27:14

Thank you so much for listening, love. If anything in today's episode resonated with you, share it with your bestie or share it on social media and tag me so we can chat about it. As always, sending you light and love. And remember, you are worthy, you are enough, and you deserve to thrive.