Am I UNWILLING or Am I AFRAID? (The Cost of Our Goals; Follow Up Episode)

Are you TRULY unwilling to do that thing that is necessary to go after your goal? 

Is it an ACTUAL Authentic "no" Or, is it just avoidance of discomfort and fear standing in the way? 

Do you know the difference? Do you know WHY it is important to know this difference? 

Do you want to know how to navigate this space and make an empowered authentic decision about the prices you are NOT WILLING to pay (because it goes against your authentic purpose) to go after your goals? 

Do you want to clear up the confusion about if you might just be a bit afraid to pay the cost? 

Then listen up... This episode is going to help you out.

Enjoy!!!

Transcript

Unknown: 0:09

Welcome to the authentic life connection podcast. I'm your host, Seth Lusk. I'm a master certified life coach, author, personal trainer and nutrition specialist. For over a decade, I've been helping people with their dreams and goals for their life and health. I spent many years watching people get frustrated with their journey in life and giving up on taking actions towards their goals. So I dug in deep to find answers to why so many of us face this same frustration and struggle in life. So in this podcast, we're gonna dive in deep on topics surrounding what it means to consistently live a fulfilling and authentic life, where you are unstoppable and taking action towards your dreams and goals. So the only question is, are you ready to start living your most authentic and fulfilling life once and for all? Then let's get started. Shall we? Hey, everyone, welcome back to the podcast. For those of you listening in for the first time, welcome, welcome. You picked a great episode to join in on. I have recently talked with you all I did an episode, I think it was two episodes ago, where I talk with you all about the importance of understanding the costs of our goals and the benefits of our goals. And really understanding what the costs are that we're going to pay when it comes to our invest when it comes to going after and achieving our goals and really being clear on what those investments are going to be when it comes to our time, our emotional experience, our finances. And what I also talked about in that episode is really being clear with yourself on whether the costs that you are paying or are going to pay to achieve this goal are costs that you are willing to pay, because the benefit that you get out of going after this goal, and achieving the goal brings something to your life that is worth it for you to pay that investment upfront. To have the goal to go after the goal and to achieve it. And one of the things that I talked about in that episode was really being able to tell yourself whether or not this is Is this an investment that I'm willing to pay up front. And this can be a little bit confusing for some people. And so I wanted to come on here and do another episode and talk with you all about this, this concept of the costs or the investments that we will pay up front when it comes to going after our goals, and really being able to determine for ourselves so that there is no negotiating going on in the brain at the time that the investment comes up. And it's time to do it. And my friends, that's the point of all of this. It's not that when we weigh this out, and we understand the the investments and the benefits, and blah, blah, blah, that Olson is just gonna be like, Oh, well, now it's easy. No, it's not going to make it easier, the investment is still going to feel like an investment is still going to feel like you are paying something upfront, it's going to challenge you, it's going to feel uncomfortable. And this, this causes a lot of people to get very confused in this area, when it comes to really being honest with themselves about are these investments I'm willing to pay that I want to pay upfront for the benefit of this. And the reason why is because I've done an episode on on this in the past, I can't remember what episode number it is. But I've talked with you all about the difference between not wanting to do something and not feeling like doing something. And there is a huge difference. Because not wanting to do something is because it goes against our vision of purpose. It goes against what we see as being why we're here and why we're doing what we're doing. And when something goes against that we don't want to do it. And there's a big difference between that and seeing the things that are going to be asked of us when we create the life that we want. And we see that it's going to feel uncomfortable in the process, there are going to be investments associated discomfort upfront. And recognizing that there's a huge difference between that feeling of discomfort coming up and just being like, Ah, I did this is going to be difficult. And we get that sort of trepidation, that anxiety that that emotional turmoil. And a lot of times we'll tell ourselves, no, you know what, I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to do this anymore. And what I found in my years of working with people is that we tell ourselves, we don't want to do things. But the truth is that we just don't feel like it in the moment because we have so many stories about the feelings that are coming up when the actual rubber hits the road. And we're telling ourselves something about those feelings being wrong or that they shouldn't be there or that we shouldn't have to experience them or that we need to lessen them in order to move on forward. And so a lot of times, what we will do is will end up telling ourselves, we don't want to do something, when really the reality is we just don't feel like doing it. And there's a huge difference, there are a lot of things that I don't feel like doing that I want to do. And that's what I want to talk with you all about today is that when we're talking about the investments, for our goals, to go after our goals, to achieve our goals, and we're talking about the investments, we will pay up front, when it comes to to that process. What I find is that for a lot of people, they get very confused. And let's say nope, that's, that's not a cost I'm willing to pay, that's not an investment I'm willing to pay. But then when we dig below the surface, they are actually willing to pay it, it's that they're scared of the discomfort that they will face. When it comes time to pay that price. When it comes time, and they're telling themselves, Oh, I shouldn't have to feel that I shouldn't have to feel that much discomfort. And this is what I want to talk with you all about today. Because there's, I don't want you all getting lost in this and saying, Oh, well, you know, I listened to the podcast, and you told me if this is a price that I'm not willing to pay, then don't do it. And I don't I don't want to do that. So I guess this means this goal isn't for me. And I can already see so many of you out there kind of throwing tossing balls out of the window, because there are going to be uncomfortable costs associated with it uncomfortable investments up front associated with it. And you're telling yourself, you don't want to pay those, you're not willing to pay those. But the truth is, you're just just scared. You don't feel like paying that investment. But there's actually the true you, the you that knows that vision of what you want, and why that that investment upfront is worth it. That version of you wants to pay this, they want to pay the investment, they want to experience that discomfort and go through it. But then there's that part of you that doesn't feel like going through it because you still have a human brain that has urges, and this outdated biology to avoid discomfort at all costs, because discomfort means possible death. And in the process of growing, we sort of end up killing a version of ourselves that we've been showing up as so that we can show up as the fullest version of our true selves. And the killing of that story that kept that version of us alive to the brain can oftentimes feel like actual death. And the brain has a lot of ways to urge us to not go through that. Because it's terrifying to the brain. Because it's uncertain, your brain has no idea what to expect on the other side, because it has all of its evidence and hopes, tied into the old story, the old version of you that you were showing up as the untrue version of you that you were showing up as, as being its way of survival. And when you go to shift that up, your brain is going to throw out all of the stops all of the urges all of the chemicals to say no, don't do this. And that could feel very much like oh, I don't want to pay that. I don't want to pay that investment upfront. But the truth is, is that you don't feel like doing it. So I wanted to give you all a way to kind of look at this and really be honest with yourself about is this a cost? Is this an investment that I'm willing to unwilling to pay? Or is this just something that I'm afraid to pay? So what I want you to do, when you are doing this, you've already done this cost benefit analysis, and you might have some costs, you're like, No, I'm not willing to pay that. So I want you to write down all of the costs associated with your goal that you tell yourself, you're not willing to pay. Okay, write down each and every cost. And then the ones that you're not willing to pay, I want you to write those down in the list. What are the costs that you think are associated with going after your goal that you're telling yourself you're unwilling to pay? Write them all down? Okay, what are those costs, then beside each one? I want you to write down the reasons why you're unwilling to pay that price. What are the reasons why you're not willing to pay that price? And here is where you're going to be able to tell whether or not you're actually unwilling to pay the price. Or if it's about it just being scary, and you don't feel like paying the price. So if you look at the reasons why you're unwilling to pay the price, if it has anything to do with it being too difficult or painful, you have your answer. If the reason is about you're not good enough, you have the answer, because this is you fearing that it's going to be difficult for you. Okay, so this doesn't mean that you're not willing to pay the price. This means you're unsure about whether or not you're going to follow through. And that means there is you want to pay this price, but you're telling yourself I'm not sure. And so it's easier to just say no I'm not willing to pay that price because it's too difficult. I don't know if I'm good enough. Alright, so if that if your answers are about that, then you have your answer. You're this, this is not necessarily price that you're unwilling to pay. This is because you're fearing how uncomfortable it's going to be, and whether or not you will follow through. If your answers are reasons about what other people might see you as or think of you while you're paying this cost. And what I mean by that is, you might fall down on your face about 500 times, while learning a new skill. And that's one of the costs you're going to pay. One of the investments upfront, is going to be taking the time to learn a new skill. And to look horrible at it for a period of time, that might be one of the investments. And you might be like, No, I'm not willing to pay that. If the reason is because of what you think other people might see you as or think of you while doing this, while paying that, then more than likely, this is you avoiding an uncomfortable cost to achieve your goal. It's not because you're unwilling to pay it or that you don't want to pay it. It's that there's a part of you that fears, the discomfort of other people looking at you in a certain way, while you pay this cost. Maybe the cost is something associated with you not putting your money into a specific thing that you've always put your money into. Maybe you will always bought, you know, really, really expensive clothes. And while you're going through an investment upfront to go after a goal, your money budget might shift towards paying towards other things, which means less money for clothes, and you might be wearing clothes from last season, and not brand new clothes, and you're afraid of what other people are going to think about that. Like are they going to judge you and say, Oh, look, he's not good enough look good. Look, he's wearing clothes from last season, or she's wearing clothes from last season, oh my god, she's worn that dress before. And now she's wearing it like a third time as she maybe like things like this. If you're fearing what people are going to think of you, while paying a certain investment or paying a certain cost upfront, then more than likely, it's not that you're unwilling to pay it is that you have a fear about your value, and what other people think of you and that it is conditional. And that it's going to be uncomfortable to pay this investment upfront because it might cause other people to look at you in a way where you put conditions on yourself about your worth while paying a cost. Okay, so that doesn't that if your reasons are about what other people are going to think about you if you pay a certain price, then more than likely this is you avoiding uncomfortable costs in achieving your goal. It's not because you're unwilling to pay it or that you don't want to pay that that price. If your reasons are about the fact that nobody around you seems to have paid that same cost. So why should you then again, you're probably avoiding the discomfort of the cost. For two reasons here. Number one, you can't know the prices that other people have paid because you aren't them. You don't know what prices they paid for theirs for their investments for their for their goals, you don't know what prices they paid. Because most of the prices that we pay are a lot more internal than we recognize with some of them are going to be physical. In other words, we're going to shift money from one place to another shift our time and energy from one place to another. But a lot of the price that we're going to pay is going to be how we think other people think about us. And that's all in our own head, it's going to be our own emotional experience, which is all in our own head. So you don't know what costs other people are paying for their goals. You don't know that. So you comparing is this is you trying to avoid the discomfort of the cost of your goal. The second reason why this is you avoiding the discomfort is that everyone's cost to entry is going to be different, because of their individual lived experiences. Our design sensitivities are energetic lessons that we are designed to go through, all of us are going to have a different cost to entry. Okay. And so if you are unwilling to pay a price, because you are unwilling to pay an investment upfront, because you think other people haven't paid that same investment, then this is you avoiding the discomfort of the cost because this is your cost to entry is going to be different than anybody else's, because you're you they're not you. Okay, so this is again, how you're going to know you're avoiding the discomfort of your growth of the investment upfront is because you're making it about the fact that you think other people haven't paid that same cost or that you shouldn't have to because other people didn't. Number one, you don't know what costs they paid. So that's none of your business. Number two, everyone's cost to entry will be different. So it doesn't matter even if nobody else has paid that cost. This is your cost to entry, because this is your personal development, not somebody else's. All right, if your reasons are about contributing something or creating something or complying with something in life that you want to change about what is accepted to be true about life, we need to look a bit further. Is this something that you can so in other words, if you write down I don't want to do this because then I'm contributing to this existing in the world. I don't want to contribute to that, I'm going to be creating more of this in the world that I want to see less of in the world, we need to look a bit further before we can know for sure whether or not this is you avoiding something that is uncomfortable, or if it is, you really saying this is a price that I am not willing to pay, you can know this by looking at is this something that I can shift my story around in a way where I can still pay this price without complying with or accepting or contributing to this thing that I entered that I energetically wish to change in what is possible to accept about life. And if you can shift your story about it and pay that investment, then you are willing to pay the price, it's just that you have a story about it that that makes you think that if you pay this investment, it means something but it doesn't have to mean. So if you're able to shift the story about it, then you can't say I'm unwilling to pay this price. It's just that it feels uncomfortable for you. And you have a story around it, which isn't necessarily true. That is making it feel uncomfortable for you to pay this investment. And you need to look at that story and honestly say, am I able to shift the story. And if you're able to shift the story, then more than likely, you're probably also willing to pay the cost. And you need to look at that you need to look at that and be honest with yourself about it not just oh, it feels uncomfortable. And and this is what it means like really look, Can I shift my story around what this means by me paying this cost, but me paying this investment upfront? And if I can maybe I am actually willing to pay it. If you're not, if you're not able to shift this story. And you're saying, no, no, no, this is this is how this is the life that I want to live. This is the life I believe, and this is what I want to contribute to this is what I do not want to contribute to, I don't feel trapped by this, this is honestly me saying this is something I do not want to contribute to the world, this goes against my values, this goes against what I hold to be truly important for the life that I want to be living, not the life that I have to survive, or that I was told should be important for me, then this may be a price that you're just not willing to pay. This might be a no, this is an energetic, no, that is not a price that I'm going to pay. For me, it would be in any way shape or form. If I am paying a cost to that goes against me being compassionate with myself or with anybody else having less understanding for myself or anybody else, I am not willing to pay that cost, I'm not willing to do it. Because that is something that goes completely against one of my core sensitivities and values. And that is having understanding and compassion for myself and for others. So I am not willing to pay any cost, or pay any investment upfront that doesn't Oh, that goes against that. Now I can shift around how I pay it, though, so that I'm not going against that. That's the time that's a topic for another discussion. But my friends what I want, what I want for you all to begin exploring today is I know we've already talked about doing this cost benefit analysis. And some of you may have already done it. If you haven't, I highly suggest you go back and do it. Go back and listen to the episode where I talked about this, I think it was two episodes ago. And do the cost benefit analysis really look at if the cost of benefit is worth it for you. And when you get to the part where you're talking about costs and whether or not you're willing to pay them upfront for the investments you're willing to pay upfront. If you have any way you're saying no, I'm not willing to pay that upfront, I want you to give it an honest look. And really go through it and put it through these questions here really asking yourself, Is this a reason that it's because I feel like it's too difficult, and I'm not good enough to do it. And I'm not going to make it and I'm not strong enough or I'm not this enough, or I'm not whatever enough to be able to do this, then this is about you avoiding the discomfort of your growth. It's not about it being a price you're unwilling to pay. If the reasons are about what other people are going to think about you then this is again, you avoiding the discomfort of the cost of the investment that is being asked of you to grow past your limits and really get into your personal development and expand what is possible for you. Instead of saying no, this is a price I'm unwilling to pay, it's you avoiding your discomfort of your own growth. And also the if the reasons are about nobody around you seemingly paying the same price and so therefore you shouldn't because it's unfair. Again, this is probably you avoiding the discomfort of your growth because this is you comparing your journey to somebody else's and nobody else has done your journey nobody else will ever do your journey that's yours and yours alone. So I really want you to go through and ask yourself be honest with these these questions and why you're saying you're unwilling to pay these these prices and really get a clearer understanding. Is this something I'm actually unwilling to pay to invest upfront? Or am I avoiding the discomfort that is being asked of me to move into that next level of my personal development, am I basically looking at the gate that the universe is putting in front of me and saying, Hey, right here, this is the gate, you go through to your next level up, and am I saying no to that gate, and looking around for other things to distract myself with my personal development or whatever. Or even outside of personal development, in order to avoid going through that gate, the universe is saying this is your next level of development doesn't matter how you come how you, you know, turn this around, or twisted or turn it or shifted on its axis, you're always going to end up back at this gate, because this is your next lesson. And I want you all to be really honest with yourselves about this, because I see so many people avoiding that gate that the universe is putting right in front of them and saying, Hey, listen, this is the this is the price, this is the investment for your next level, this is your next level up here. And so many people are rejecting that and turning away from it. And they're saying it's because Oh, it's a price I'm unwilling to pay or they're there. They're just saying, Oh, no, I decided this was this was the path of personal development. They're distracting themselves with other personal development. So I really want you all to be able to be clear on this, when you do this cost benefit analysis. And you're asking yourself, M are these costs that I'm willing to pay? If you say no, I want you to go through these three lenses here. And really look at why you're saying no to it, and really make a decision, is this something that I am energetically saying, No, I will not contribute this to the world around me? This is a no for me, then by all means, let's find it. That's fine. Where's the cost gonna come from? Then? When is it going to? Is it going to come from somewhere else? Or are we shifting the goal. But for those of you out there who are saying no to costs, because of one of these three reasons that I mentioned in this episode, then what I want to caution you with is to say, maybe you are actually you want to pay this price, you want to pay this investment upfront, but your brain is urging you not to because of the discomfort of it. And I want to encourage you to reach out and get the support of a coach and a group to really work through that emotional experience of going through that gate and facing your own personal development entry to that next level that next level up and stop making these excuses for yourself and saying, Hey, no, this is something I'm not willing to do. This is something I don't want to do, when in fact, this is just this, you don't feel like doing it. Because it's something it's going to be uncomfortable. And you're telling yourself that personal development shouldn't be uncomfortable. And there's got to be another way there's less uncomfortable, and I'm here to tell you, my friends, it's personal development is uncomfortable, it feels very uncomfortable. That's what it's there for. We are removing old stories about ourselves and about the world around us that no longer serve us. And that terrifies the brain that terrifies the brain. And when we can make sense of those stories that the brain is pulling up to make us believe that these things are things that we're not willing to do or don't want to do when we can really pull apart those stories and see where they're coming from and why we have them and why they're not serving us. That's when we find our power to be able to move forward through these gates that the universe puts in front of us and says hey, here's your cost to entry, are you going to pay it or no, and really be able to stand up and say, You know what, Yes, I'm ready, I'm going to do it. And step forward into that, that next expansion of growth, where we really learn what we're capable of what's possible for us outside of our old stories. So I want to help more of you break out of that, that cycle of staying in that same same story of what where you're limited in what you're able not able to do, and move into that next level of your personal development here. And I'm hoping that being able to after you've done your cost benefit analysis, you know, asking yourself these questions about the cost or saying you're not willing to pay adds that extra layer of of you really being able to say either this is a cost, I'm not paying sorry, I will I will find another place to pay it in life. But this is this goes against this is not the way that I do it. This is not my why this is not my purpose. This is not why and how I do this? Or is it you just avoiding the discomfort of what the universe is saying, Hey, listen, you're limiting yourself with this belief here. So your payment is to move past this belief. Here's the gate you ready to go. And I want more of you to make the choice to open that gate up and step through and really say here I am. Give me all the discomfort. Let my brain throw all the temper tantrums. I am here to work past this story of what I've been told to believe is what limits me. And I want that for more of you. So that's what I've got this week. I hope it helps some of you all let me know if you if you've done the cost benefit analysis. And then you do this and you're like, Hey, listen, I've found some costs that I don't feel like paying and But I've realized that they are ones that I want to pay and you want, you want someone who's gone through this, and worked through this and helped other people work through this, that feeling of insanity when we go into, you know, really pushing past the boundaries of what we've been taught to believe as possible for us. And it can feel like we're going insane when we're doing this. If you want someone who has gone through that with themselves and with so many other people, and knows how to help you navigate this space with your brain and everything that's going to do and help you have the tools there to say, hey, wait, I see what's going on here. I'm not gonna let this stop me again, this time. I'm here for you. I'm here for you. And that's that's the magic of what I do with the people that I work with is not just aligning them with what is truly important for them again, but really giving them the tools to go through this work to go through these gates that are going to feel like we're going insane when we try and shift our stories about what is possible for us in life, and we're gonna fall down 500 times doing it and we're doing it for the 500 and first time when we have the movement forward that we're looking for. So I've got your back. And I'm here for you reach out. And I love you all. That's what I've got for you today. And until we meet again here next week. Ciao. Thank you for joining us today. I hope you enjoyed the content of this podcast. If you did, please subscribe so that you're one of the first people to know when I release a new episode each week. If you have any questions or if you have interest in learning more about the coaching that I do with my clients one on one, then just head over to my website at WWW dot life coach seth.com that's www dot life coach seth.com there you're gonna have the ability to reach out to me for questions that you might have or to book your free discovery call with me to discuss what one on one coaching with me might be like for you. You can also check out and order your copy of my book to get a taste of what I'm all about as a person and as a coach. I'm so happy that you joined us today and I hope to have you here again next week. So until then, let authenticity be the guide to your most unstoppable and fulfilling journey of life.