Navigating Trauma's Terrain: Cultivating Resilience and Harnessing Growth Through Life's Challenges

Navigating the terrain of trauma isn't a journey I ever planned to map out, yet here we are, compass in hand, with my personal history as the guide. Boundaries became my North Star, a pivotal discovery that reshaped my path to well-being. Join me, Seth Wusk, as we traverse the delicate balance between healing from past hurts and embracing the growth that can be fostered by life's unavoidable challenges. This episode isn't just about recounting tales of hardship; it's a deeper conversation on finding empowerment in our ability to rise, to heal, and to ultimately thrive amid the complexities of our experiences.

As we chart the course, we'll examine the parallels between emotional resilience and the discipline of physical muscle training—acknowledging the necessity of both the exertion of facing our traumas and the rest that allows us to recover and grow stronger. It's a dialogue about intentionality, sovereign consent, and the transformative power that comes from consciously engaging with the challenges life throws our way. I encourage listeners to take a moment to reflect on their own journeys, to consider their relationships with trauma and challenges, and to listen in for insights on fostering a life marked by strength, fulfillment, and an authentic pursuit of dreams that honor the full spectrum of human experience.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You are listening to the Authentic Life Connection Podcast, episode number 173. Welcome to the Authentic Life Connection Podcast. I'm your host, seth Wusk. I'm a master certified life coach, author, personal trainer and nutrition specialist. For over a decade I've been helping people with their dreams and goals for their life and health. I spent many years watching people get frustrated with their journey in life and giving up on taking actions towards their goals. So I dug in deep to find answers to why so many of us face this same frustration and struggle in life. So in this podcast, we're going to dive in deep on topics surrounding what it means to consistently live a fulfilling and authentic life where you are unstoppable in taking action towards your dreams and goals. So the only question is are you ready to start living your most authentic and fulfilling life once and for all? Then let's get started, shall we? Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. For those of you listening in for the first time, welcome, welcome.

Speaker 1: 1:13

You picked a great episode to join in on and it might be a little bit shocking to hear the topic that we're going to talk about today. At first, it might even feel a little bit traumatic, but it's important for us to talk to you Today. I actually want to talk about trauma and I want to talk about a pattern that I'm seeing in personal development and in a lot of people's lives surrounding the topic of trauma and, per usual, with humans and our nature and sort of how we've been societally programmed to look at things. We bounce back and forth between black and white and black and white one extreme to the other and we forget that there is all of this gray area in between and that there's so much opportunity for growth and true understanding and ability to create things that will blow our mind if we're willing to explore the gray areas between the black and the white, and that oftentimes, when we balance or when we bounce back and forth between the black and white, we end up just recreating the same problems in different flavors. And one of those areas in which I see people in personal development and just people in general bouncing back and forth on the black or the white is when it comes to trauma.

Speaker 1: 2:37

And I want to preface this episode with saying I really truly do understand. I have experienced trauma many times in my life that I don't want to experience again. I refuse to experience it again and I will never allow it to happen again in my life, now that I see my power and being able to set up my boundaries and say what I'm okay with and what I'm not okay with, and telling people where I begin and where I end as a person and therefore where the boundaries are of what I will allow in my life and what I want. And a lot of this comes from the fact that I have experienced trauma that I will not allow myself to experience again. I won't and I know that many of you out there listening are in the same boat and personal development in the last five to 10 years has really taken up that burden of healing trauma in a beautiful way, in a beautiful, beautiful way. I'm not trying to knock this idea of healing our trauma, but it's reached a tipping point where it's starting to get dangerous. And the reason I'm saying it's starting to get dangerous is because I'm seeing so many people that are so absolutely trauma averse that they can't even show up in their life in a way to challenge themselves, to create things in their life that they actually want to create that are truly important for them all for the sake of avoiding trauma. So I want to explain to you all what it is that I see as being the problem here and what I see as being the path forward.

Speaker 1: 4:32

And to start off, I want to first of all explain what is trauma, and trauma can basically be defined as any time that we experience something that is very stressful or frightening or distressing for us and we find it difficult to cope with it or it feels out of our control. That is what trauma is, by definition, and it is. It is so true that it is crucial. It is so crucial for our well-being and our fulfillment in life for us to heal the trauma that we have gone through as children, and being a child is traumatic. It doesn't necessarily mean you had bad parents or even bad circumstances, but growing up as a child is a traumatic experience for so many of us, actually, I would say almost 100% of us.

Speaker 1: 5:28

We experience trauma as a child Coming into the world and learning all of the intricacies of what it means to be a human in this world and in the societies that we grow up in, maybe with the religions that we grew up with. It can be so traumatizing for a child. And then there's also the issues of emotional abuse, physical abuse, that occur for many children and these all produce trauma for us that if we don't take a look at them, these wounds that this trauma created, if we don't look into it, if we don't learn to process that trauma in a productive way and to really heal the wounds left behind from that trauma, we end up actually recreating that trauma in our life later on as adults, either for ourselves over and over again Actually, we do create it for ourselves over and over again but we can also end up creating it for our own children if we decide to have children or have children, and we can create it for people that we're in romantic relationships with. We can recreate it in other relationships in our life as we grow older as adults. So it's so important for us to heal from our childhood trauma.

Speaker 1: 6:42

But what I see happening is that the personal development industry seems so hyper-focused on healing trauma that it has created this idea that trauma is something that we don't want to happen to us and that trauma is something that we should avoid at all costs. And while there are particular forms of trauma that we can say, no, I will not do that, I will not experience that, I will not allow that in my life. That is a no for me. That's okay. But here's the thing as we grow up as adults and we decide and we choose to see what we truly value in this life and what we want to do with that, to create and contribute to the world around us in a way that we see as being positive, as we grow and our abilities to do so, as we expand our character traits and our strengths to be able to create more and contribute more to the world around us and create this deep sense of purpose for our life, we are still going to experience trauma, my friends.

Speaker 1: 7:56

As a business owner, I can tell you I have gone through countless traumatic events starting my business, growing my business, evolving my business completely, changing business models. There are so many aspects of that process that were traumatizing for me Realizing things that I was going to want to learn to be successful in that area, and some of the things that I would go through to challenge myself, to grow those skills, to grow those strengths, to grow those abilities to show up as the coach that I am, to show up as the person that I want to be in my relationships. I experienced trauma in those challenges, but through that trauma. Through that challenge. That is how I was able to grow the understanding, the strengths, the capabilities that I now have today, that I am so, so proud of having, so happy to have, and the abilities that those skills, those strengths have given me to be able to reach out and help other people who are hurting and in trauma that they don't want to be in authentically. That is worth it to me to have gone through those traumatic events.

Speaker 1: 9:20

So let's talk a little bit about trauma and healing from trauma and then authentically choosing trauma even after we've healed from it. I think it helps if first we understand that the majority of the trauma that we experience as kids growing up, learning about life, trying to figure out who we want to show up as who we truly are and how we want to show up and show that to the world, and, at the same time, learning about the world and the other people in it and the goals that they're going to have and how that's going to conflict with ours. And how do we communicate, how do we work together as a team, even though we might have, what seems to be, on the surface, conflicting goals. This creates a lot of events as children that feel very traumatic. And then we have other people that have their opinions about what we should need and have to be doing, that have authority over us as kids and us following their dialogue, following their stories about life being at the brunt of them. Healing their own trauma or not healing their own trauma is traumatic.

Speaker 1: 10:33

So here's what's important to understand about that trauma is that the majority of that trauma occurred without our authentic and empowered sovereign consent, and that is why that trauma stays with us for so long. If we don't figure out. Why was it against my consent? Why did it happen? Why did I without knowing because at that point in time, as children, we almost feel like we don't have a choice why did I allow it to happen? And what can I do now as an adult to make sure I don't consent to that again? What can I do to heal the wounds surrounding that and heal the wounds surrounding the people that I see as being the cause of that trauma, so that I don't repeat those patterns, so that I can still show up as a whole human being and love other people and see that there are still going to be people in this world that are hurting and not healing, that are out there recreating their own trauma over and over again and they're going to be doing it around you.

Speaker 1: 11:42

Healing this trauma from childhood is important because a lot of it wasn't trauma that we consented to, because it wasn't trauma that we chose, because it was a challenge that would help us develop skills that we truly wanted, that we truly consented to, saying I want that skill and therefore I'm willing to go through this challenge for it. I want that strength and so I'm willing to go through this often traumatic challenge to create that strength within myself to be able to show up and do those things, to create those things, to contribute those things to life that I authentically want to. This is why healing from that trauma is so important, because otherwise we recreate it around us and we've never consented to it, we've never even realized what it is that we don't consent to and what trauma we would consent to. And this is where the power that we have as a human, as an adult, comes in is when we recognize I went through that trauma and I have the opportunity to learn from it and say that I never consent to it happening again. Maybe that's what we learned from it, but then there are going to be things in life that we see as being. That is important for me. That is something I want to stand behind, no matter how difficult it gets, no matter how challenging it is. This is what I want to stand behind. This is what I want to create more of in the world. This is what I value, and if I spend my life challenging myself to contribute more of that to the world, then it will be worth it.

Speaker 1: 13:20

And what I see happening for so many people out here in the personal development space is that they're so focused on healing trauma that they create this dialogue that, in order to have a fulfilling life, the objective is to avoid trauma, because we see all of the ways in which the trauma we didn't consent to created patterns within us that we didn't actually want to create, created drives within us to do things that we actually don't want to do, but we feel the urge to do it to people, please other people, to please society, to do these things and fulfill these stories that are not authentically ours, and we want to heal from that. But we want to be careful not to create another internal dialogue that says trauma is 100%, innately bad and therefore avoid it and we especially don't want to teach our kids to avoid challenge and trauma that comes along with challenge. What is important here is that we recognize that trauma without consent can create some deep scars that take time to really take apart and figure out. What do I keep from this and learn that I can turn something beautiful into and what do I say never again to. But we have to do this from an empowered space of understanding that trauma is inevitable. Challenge, which is in many cases traumatic, is inevitable.

Speaker 1: 14:57

The 50-50 of life is inevitable and what we truly want to teach the next generation is to say, yes, there is a 50-50 to life and I get to get out there and pick the 50-50. I get to pick the 50% of things that I'm going to love and I'm going to enjoy and I'm going to get pleasure from and I'm going to relish in having the opportunity to experience those things and at the same time, there's going to be the other 50% of life that is challenging, that is not certain, that feels scary and insecure and traumatic, and to pick and choose the ways in which we will go through that, that develop the strength, the character traits, the fortitude, the mental fortitude, the physical fortitude to show up in our life to create, unstoppably, the things that are truly valuable and important to us, that we want to contribute to this life. And I see so many people stuck in this trauma aversion. They're so busy focusing on avoiding and healing trauma that they forget that what truly empowers them in life is the ability to get out there after we've healed the trauma, not even after we've healed. Once we've started to see I'm healing my trauma, to get back out there in life and say, yes, that trauma occurred without my consent.

Speaker 1: 16:33

But this challenge over here that is going to be traumatic in so many different ways, I am sure I pick it. I choose it Because this challenge is authentically something that I want to sign up for and go through, because in that process I will learn to show up more fully as the person I know I am inside and contribute what I know. Only I, because of my particular sensitivities, am able to bring to the world and contribute to the world. Because I am me. I have my own set of values, my own set of experiences, my own set of sensitivities that allow me to show up in the world and contribute things in a way that nobody else on this planet can and when I want to do that, I'm going to be challenged to go as I go deeper into that. As I expand my ability to do it, I will face challenge and trauma, and that I choose. With my consent. Sign me up for it. This is the path forward when it comes to life and the fact that we will not get through this life without trauma. That's part of the deal of being a human. It's messy, it's scary, it's uncertain and at the same time, it's exciting, it is adventurous, it is fulfilling and joyful. And we get so much pleasure and joy out of going through those challenges and seeing what we are truly capable of creating if we choose to go through them, what we are truly capable of contributing to the world and giving things that are important to us to the world by going through those challenges.

Speaker 1: 18:20

And you won't do it if your focus in personal development is simply on healing trauma and avoiding it. I get it. I get it.

Speaker 1: 18:31

It sucks, it hurts to go through trauma that you did not, you did not authentically and sovereignly consent to, and I get that. It is a definite no to ever go through that again and I understand and I am here to. I cannot emphasize more the importance of healing that trauma that before you were old enough to sovereignly and authentically consent to it, someone else chose for you that you were going to go through this, and I get that this. This is a wound to heal. This is a wound to protect while it is healing.

Speaker 1: 19:16

But if you want to get out there and have a truly fulfilling life, while you're healing that trauma, you've got to recognize that life is still 50-50. You're not going to get out of it without trauma. And if your life is about avoiding trauma, then guess what Life will choose for you without your consent, the trauma that you will experience. And what I'm here to offer as a way forward is that when we step up to the plate as the sovereign, authentic, badass beings that we are, that are capable of choice, that are capable of co-creating with the universe, that are capable of contributing such value to the world around us, when we see our true power to say yes and no and to decide what we will create in this life, when we see that power and we step up to to use that, to fully use that, which is what this life is for, and we do it from an empowered, sovereign space.

Speaker 1: 20:26

We're still going to experience trauma. My friends, the question is, will you get ahead of the game and stand out there and say, yes, life, I get that. You are 50-50. So bring me this challenge, bring me that difficulty, bring me that trauma and I will grow through it and I will strengthen myself through it. Now I want to. I want to also say here this is very important to understand, because I also get that this can go to an extreme, where we have the I don't know the bro school mentality of just get out there and grind, grind, grind, grind, grind. And we still need time to recognize or not to recognize. We need time to rest.

Speaker 1: 21:11

Yes, challenge and trauma are important, but, as with any sort of stress in life, when it comes to personal, when it comes to physical training, when it comes to personal development, when it comes to anything that we want to grow in, we will stress ourselves, we will experience trauma. But then there needs to be that intentional time to step back from the challenge, step back from the trauma, step back from the stress. Let the challenge, the wounds from that challenge heal so that we can step back out stronger. I am not here to say just get out there in the world and traumatize yourself 24 seven. That is not what I'm here to say. I am here to say that trauma is not 100% bad when we choose it with authenticity and sovereign consent. And when we choose it it is our job to know our authentic place, where we are, and our ability to handle challenge, our ability to handle adversity and to push ourselves just a little bit past that ability. Just like in physical training, we break down the muscle when we get just past its ability to do the work that it can, and in doing so we traumatize the muscle and then we give it some rest and the body goes in and it finds the damage and it heals it and it makes the muscle stronger. And this applies to personal development too. It applies to how we challenge and strengthen character traits and strengths and mental fortitude when we get out there and we do this, I want to also caution we don't just swing to the other side and trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, trauma, challenge, challenge, challenge, challenge, challenge all of the time. We do need that time to step back, go within ourselves and say, yes, you've challenged yourself, you've broken down these muscles here. Now we're going to let them strengthen themselves and we're going to step back out and we're going to do it again, so that that, my friends, that is the key.

Speaker 1: 23:19

The key to true personal development and a fulfilling life is recognizing have you become trauma averse? How, how much in your life are you taking actions, making decisions to avoid trauma? Are you doing it so much so that you're not allowing yourself to be challenged enough to grow in the areas where you truly want to grow, and say, yeah, sign me up for that trauma, sign me up for that challenge, and, at the same time, recognizing when you hit that point where it's okay, I've challenged myself, I've broken down the muscles, it's time to let them rebuild. This balance, this dance, this, my friends, that's an empowering, authentic and fulfilling life right there.

Speaker 1: 24:08

This episode today is about bringing awareness to this trend that I see of personal development going more and more and more in the direction of just being challenged in trauma averse. And I want to be clear again I know. I know that the trauma that we experienced when we were kids, the trauma that we experienced, without our consent, the trauma of emotional and physical abuse. I get that. We want to say no to that, but be careful that your story about trauma doesn't swing so far in the other direction that you become so trauma averse that you're not willing to step back up to the plate in your own life and challenge yourself to create the things that you truly desire to create in your life, to contribute the things that you truly, authentically want to contribute to this world, and to go deeper and deeper and bigger and bigger into those challenges at your authentic pace. This is how you take the steering wheel back in your life, my friends. This is how you get in the driver's seat and feel like your life has that fulfilling deep meaning and purpose. It already has it. The question is, are you in the driver's seat of it? Are you choosing that with intention? Because that makes all the difference.

Speaker 1: 25:34

Getting out of that, that path of trauma aversion and seeing trauma as being something to always avoid is crucial. At the same time, seeing it's not about just 100%, all of the time pushing ourselves and challenging ourselves and grinding ourselves down to the bone. We need the rest time to recover, but today I want you to take a step back from your own personal development journey and look at where the industry of personal development, or even just your own, hurting from the trauma that you experienced when you were a kid, or even as an adult, without your consent, has that story turned into a story of fearing challenge and trauma? And, if so, if so, it's time to take a look at getting back in the driver's seat the empowered driver's seat of your life, and stop seeing your life as this thing that you have to survive and heal from, and see it as an opportunity to say yes to the challenges that allow you to show up more as the person you know you are inside, and say no to the challenges that don't inspire you and challenge you to do so, and that, my friends, is where your real power lies.

Speaker 1: 26:52

Trauma, I get it, it hurts, but when we start seeing trauma in this light and the light of, yes, I experienced some trauma that I will not experience again, but also, yes, sign me up for this.

Speaker 1: 27:08

That's the secret sauce, my friends, and I want that for more of you.

Speaker 1: 27:11

I'm here for any of you all who are ready to take a look at number one childhood trauma that you're still healing from what to do with that and how to grow that into a story of you being a sovereign and empowered badass, being in your own life that is ready to step up to the plate while that trauma is healing, and challenge yourself to step into the role of co-creating with the universe and contributing the things to life that you feel that true desire inside to contribute.

Speaker 1: 27:45

I'm here for any of you all who are ready to find that dance, find that balance, find that way to stop surviving your life and start thriving in it. That's all I've got for you all today. Let's get out there and learn what it means to choose trauma that grows us into the life that we want, while healing the trauma that we didn't choose, didn't consent to, so that we can see the path forward to the life we truly desire. I love you all and until we meet again here next week, ciao. Thank you for joining us today. I hope you enjoyed the content of this podcast. If you did, please subscribe so that you're one of the first people to know when I release a new episode each week.

Speaker 1: 28:34

If you have any questions, or if you have interest in learning more about the coaching that I do with my clients one-on-one, then just head over to my website at wwwlifecoachsethcom. That's wwwlifecoachsethcom. There you're gonna have the ability to reach out to me for questions that you might have, or to book your free discovery call with me to discuss what one-on-one coaching with me might be like for you. You can also check out and order your copy of my book to get a taste of what I'm all about as a person and as a coach. I'm so happy that you joined us today and I hope to have you here again next week. So until then, let authenticity be the guide to your most unstoppable and fulfilling journey of life you.