Special Guest, Cyrus Webb: The Art of Saying No to create a Life You Want to Say YES to.

Ever wondered how someone can transform their lives, turning personal trials into a story of triumph and authenticity? That's exactly what media personality and author Cyrus Webb and I discuss in a truly illuminating episode of the Authentic Life Connection Podcast. Cyrus takes us through his fascinating evolution from his Mississippi roots to becoming a prominent voice in media, underscoring the power of self-expression he found in writing and the surprising detours that led him to host his own radio show.

Our conversation doesn't shy away from the tough decisions and the necessity of setting boundaries. Cyrus opens up about the challenges he faced, including the loss of a parent and inheriting complex character traits from his father. He shares his deliberate choice to remain single, fostering sharp focus on his work and life's ambitions—a decision that resonates with anybody who's ever wrestled with the balance of personal goals against societal expectations. As a life coach, I reinforce the concept that saying no can be just as important as the pursuits you say yes to, and Cyrus's narrative serves as a powerful illustration of this principle.

The episode wraps up with a deep reflection on the responsibility that comes with self-awareness and the pursuit of purpose. We discuss the transformative wisdom passed down from loved ones, the bravery needed to step away from the corporate world, and the impact of living in tune with one's true calling. Plus, Cyrus gives us a glimpse into his current projects and how his journey of self-acceptance has led to professional fulfillment and the ability to inspire others. Join us for a conversation filled with heartfelt stories and invaluable insights on living a life authentically yours.

To get in touch with Cyrus Webb

Website- www.cyruswebb.com

Instagram- www.instagram.com/cyruswebbreviews

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You are listening to the Authentic Life Connection Podcast, episode number 177. Welcome to the Authentic Life Connection Podcast. I'm your host, seth Lusk. I'm a master certified life coach, author, personal trainer and nutrition specialist. For over a decade I've been helping people with their dreams and goals for their life and health. I spent many years watching people get frustrated with their journey in life and giving up on taking actions towards their goals. So I dug in deep to find answers to why so many of us face this same frustration and struggle in life. So in this podcast, we're going to dive in deep on topics surrounding what it means to consistently live a fulfilling and authentic life where you are unstoppable in taking action towards your dreams and goals. So the only question is are you ready to start living your most authentic and fulfilling life once and for all? Then let's get started, shall we?

Speaker 1: 1:07

Hey everyone, welcome back to the podcast. For those of you listening in for the first time, welcome, welcome. You picked a great episode to join in on today because I'm having a special guest on. His name is Cyrus Webb. Some of you all may have heard of him. He's kind of a big deal online. He is a promoter for Amazon. He helps promote other well-known and not so well-known artists and authors through his channel, through his presence on the radio and his actually almost daily broadcast that he has, and today he has taken some time out of his very busy schedule. He's got some new and exciting stuff going on in his life right now, but he took some time to join me today for a conversation and we dive into some really great topics.

Speaker 1: 1:56

I think you all are going to get a lot out of this conversation and really enjoy hearing Cyrus talk about his life and the things that he has experienced, the things that he chose to do with his life in spite of adversity, and I hope you guys are as inspired by this conversation as I was. So thank you for listening in and enjoy the conversation that I have here with Cyrus Webb. All right, hey everybody, thanks for joining us today.

Speaker 1: 2:28

I've got Cyrus Webb here on the podcast with me today, and he's a friend of mine that I've known for a couple of years only via the internet, though. We lived in Mississippi at the same time and I never met you when I lived in Mississippi, but then one of my good friends, kim, introduced me to Cyrus online a couple of years ago, and Cyrus actually helped me out with publishing my own book, and I brought him on the podcast today because he's got some really incredible stuff to share about overcoming obstacles and really creating a life of authenticity for himself. And, you know, authenticity is what we're all about here. So, cyrus, why don't you introduce yourself, tell my audience a little bit about you, what you do, and let's have a fun conversation today?

Speaker 3: 3:14

All right. Well, thank you so much, Seth. I appreciate the invite. First of all, it's great to be on your platform. As you mentioned, I'm Cyrus Webb, a native of Mississippi. I still call Mississippi home, even though I do get to travel more these days, but Mississippi will always be home for me. Professionally, people know me as a media personality. I'm into branding. I also am an author, like yourself, and I've had the privilege of being able to do some great things with some companies and brands like Amazon. I work with them also as an on-air personality as well. So professionally that's kind of it, which is funny, because professionally is probably the most exciting part of my life. The personal stuff is not normally as exciting, but I love what I do and I get to deal with some great folks.

Speaker 1: 4:03

I would say, you know, this is kind of a common theme that I hear from a lot of entrepreneurs is that their work is the most exciting part of their life. Do you hear this as well from a lot of entrepreneurs? I mean, I think we kind of pour ourselves into our work, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: 4:17

Yeah, and I think it can be good, slash, bad, right, I guess, depending on our circumstances, like for myself as a single guy, it's not that bad because I feel like I'm neglecting anyone or, you know, not doing something I need to be doing or spending time with someone. But I think, yeah, I think it's one of the signs of really being passionate about what you, what you do and what you enjoy.

Speaker 1: 4:38

Yeah, absolutely. I agree with that. So you're also you're kind of a big deal when it comes to being a media personality. I know you've got kind of your own, your own show that you do, and you've got several books out. At this point in time, how many books do you have published?

Speaker 3: 4:54

Yeah, so I actually like solo books. I actually have five. I have co-written over a dozen books with authors that I've worked with, including five children's books, which I don't promote as much myself because they kind of take the lead on the promotion of that. I just wrote it with them and illustrated it with them. So, yeah, writing has always has been a big part of my life. It's been the way I express myself the best. I feel like Even before I got into the whole broadcasting thing, writing has always been that thing for me that I went to Books also. I have to say, growing up, books were kind of that lifeline for me.

Speaker 1: 5:35

So you were writing before you decided to get into kind of being a radio personality or any of the other broadcasting shows.

Speaker 3: 5:44

Oh, definitely. I talked to some of my classmates from even middle school that say they remember me carrying around these notebooks. I was writing stories then, and even you know, books. Again, I was always a big reader too. But yeah, writing has always, always. I mean, I think as far back as I can remember I had journals. I still have some of those journals from you know, my school, my school days. So, yeah, writing has always been the thing for me and I think it kind of helped me to figure some things out for myself and also to make sense of the world I was. I tell people I'm probably one of the most extroverted introverts out there because I really do value my solo time. But people, I love people, I love people's stories, I love to get to know people, but I also really like just being with myself and spending that time doing things just with me. So, yeah, writing kind of helped me to kind of make sense of all of that and so, yeah, writing kind of helped me to kind of make sense of all of that.

Speaker 1: 6:45

Yeah, and so two things here that I think I kind of want to segue here. First of all, how did you make the leap from writing? What made you decide to make the leap from writing to doing kind of like an online radio broadcasting type of personality? And second of all, for my audience to kind of know this a little bit about you, you, you told me that you also struggled with having a speech impediment as a kid. So how was that for you deciding to go from writing to becoming a speaking personality?

Speaker 3: 7:17

yeah, that's a great question. You know, I don't think I've ever been asked that before, so I I the and I think because most people don't even believe the speech impediment part because the transformation has been so dramatic. Even my mother talks about this. Growing up, my father, who I lost when I was very young, he also had a really bad stutter, and growing up I had a really bad stutter through elementary school, going into middle school and it would be very difficult for me and that may have even contributed to the fact that me not wanting to really be around people, I would get frustrated.

Speaker 3: 7:53

My mom would say about trying to say things. And then I had a teacher who saw something in me and decided to work with me after school, and that teacher really helped, I think, change the trajectory of my life in a lot of ways, because, for one, it showed me that and that's why I think I love school so much and work with school so much today, because she did that on her own, she wasn't paid to do it, she volunteered if my mom would let me stay after school to be able to help me. And ironically, seth I get to I don't get to share this story that often, but when I had my very first book signing, she showed up at the book signing.

Speaker 1: 8:33

Really.

Speaker 3: 8:34

I got a chance to spend that moment with her. I didn't know she was coming. She saw it in the newspaper and when I released Words I Choose to Live by which was now three years ago when this edition of Words I Choose to Live by came out she came to my book signing at the Walmart in Pearl, mississippi, and I got a chance to introduce my family to her. So it was such a great moment. But for me, what happened was after I was able to start using my voice, I decided that I wanted to do something with it. Right, so I did not. Radio was not something I thought about ever. For one thing, I had very low expectations for myself. I really just wanted to write and draw. That was always my thing in life. I never. I wasn't one of these kids that grew up and said I want to be rich and I want to live in this big house, and that was never my. That was my brother's thing. That was never my thing. I just I was a very simple kid. I feel like I'm still fairly simple today. But what happened was I had a series of events happen. I went through a lot of what I would call angst, and I think young people go through this. But I never felt worthy. Even though I did well in school and my family would commend me on things, I always felt like they were just saying that because they had to. They were my family, they had to be nice to me. I didn't look at myself and I could not. I didn't. It was when I got in my twenties I could look at myself and say I love you to myself. I felt very uncomfortable. I was a short kid and obesity ran in my family, so I was always afraid of being big and I want to be short and big. My brother's a big guy and so I went through that whole thing. So a lot of it was up here. And the funny thing is, seth, no one ever said any of the things to me that I personally believed, but I this narrative. I had told myself that they don't really like me. So I remember the first time and it was this was in middle school. The first time I tried to kill myself was in middle school and my family, I think they thought something was wrong. But you know, especially in the black community you don't talk about those things and they didn't really they're like okay, why would. Why did he try to kill himself? It had to be an accident, and so they kind of brushed it off. And I think you know, for me it was like, okay, I'm still here, so I've just had to figure this thing out, have to figure this thing out.

Speaker 3: 11:06

And so going into high school, I did well, but I always knew I didn't want. I mean, college was not something that I really aspired toward. I grew up, you know, being told you know you, you know you do well in school, you go to college and you get a job. That's what you do, that's what I was told. But it just didn't feel like the right thing for me personally. Now, I don't personally have anything against college or anything like that, but as a person I didn't see it. But from when I finally got to high school and I was graduating, I was getting all these offers from colleges and things. I thought to myself I don't really think that's the route for me, I don't think that's what I'm supposed to do, and so I decided that I wasn't going to do it. And so I decided that I wasn't going to do it. And so the fast forward.

Speaker 3: 11:44

To get to your question, when I graduated from high school I just was working Right and. But I was still drawing, still writing, and when I was living in New York at the time I'd moved to New York to kind of trying to figure some things out and to do some work and got into the arts there and at 20 years old I developed carpal tunnel syndrome and tendonitis in my right hand, had to have surgery. It was horrible. I'd never had surgery before in my life Never, had never broken a bone, had never. So went through all of that, went through a depression and that's when I tried to kill myself. The last time was when I was 20 in New York, and so when I was 20 in New York and so when I survived that, went through some counseling and figured out you know what, cyrus, you have. There's a reason why you're here and I said you know what? Maybe it's, maybe this is why I don't have the speech impediment anymore. I'm supposed to share my story and encourage people, so that when I came back to Mississippi at 21, I started sharing my story. I was still working, but sharing my story.

Speaker 3: 12:46

So to get to your question, in 2003, I was speaking at an event. A man walked up to me and you'll like the story. I don't know if you know this or not, but a man walked up to me after my speaking and I shared about my depression and suicide attempt. And he said where are you from? And I said I'm from Rankin County and he said my name is Charles Evers. It was Medgar Evers' brother who owns WNPR in Mississippi. He says you have a very distinctive voice.

Speaker 3: 13:14

He said have you ever thought about doing radio? I never will forget that question because I never thought about doing radio. That was never instant. I said no, sir, I've never thought about it. He says I'd like to offer you an opportunity. He said I think you'd be good at it and that started my radio career. He offered me a once a week show on WNPR 90.1 FM in Jackson. It was on Tuesdays and the first one was horrible. The first episode was horrible because he told me it was everything I didn't want to do. He said to me well, I think.

Speaker 3: 13:46

He says you know we kind of do talk radio here and I have a show and you know, so maybe you can talk about, you know things that are going on in the world and give your opinion. Well, one thing about me, seth, and you probably know this from my post I people don't really know what I think about anything because I'm not very big on espousing my opinion. I like to hear from other people but I never want people to think that I feel like my opinion is absolute. So I went into and I understand the importance, especially when you have a profile, especially in the public, that people, they listen to you and I I take that very seriously and so I never will forget the first show in July 2003. So I'm on there talking and not making any sense and I said you know what, this is what I do and this is what I'm interested in and looking forward to being with you.

Speaker 3: 14:34

So the first calls that came in they were like who's this white guy Radio? So they're talking to my producer, handyman, and they're like who is this guy? You know, because of course, my voice was there was no introduction to me like Cyrus Webb's going to be a new host, so I was just throwing it out there, right. But this is what happened halfway through the show and this kind of changed everything. A caller called in. Handyman told me we had a caller, and I love telling the story because she and I are still friends today.

Speaker 3: 15:06

My friend named Angela Sarton and she's now Angela Collier. She lived in Biloxi, mississippi. I didn't even know the show reached that far. I was in Jacksonville, I didn't even know the show reached to Biloxi. And she's like Cyrus I'm listening to you on the radio and I'm so proud of you. And something told me to ask her, ask her about herself. And I said Angela, thank you so much for calling in.

Speaker 3: 15:29

And for those, she's an artist, for those who don't know you, why don't you tell them about yourself? And Seth, the moment she started talking, I knew that's what I was supposed to be doing, not talking about me, introducing the world to other people. And that is what set me on this path. Ever since now, 21 years later, and to still be on the radio here in Mississippi is such a blessing to me because people have seen that growth and I laugh about that story.

Speaker 3: 15:56

But that story was so necessary, I think, to me appreciating where I am today and understanding the importance of letting other people know that their stories matter, that who they are matter, and using my platform to be able to do that. So that's kind of the navigating way to get to your question of how it happened. It wasn't. It was not planned. It just I spoke at this event was not planned. It just I spoke at this event. It just so happens if you believe in things just so happening that Charles Evers, of all people being in the audience, walks up to me and says I'd like to offer you an opportunity, and that started it.

Speaker 1: 16:33

That's awesome, really, really awesome. And yeah, I mean, I follow you on social media quite often and for those of you in my audience that maybe haven't ever heard of Cyrus before, you need to go check out his social media. But you're very right, you spend a lot of your time introducing the world to other people, so I'm going to make you a little bit uncomfortable. Step outside of your comfort zone. Today, we're going to go back into this journey that you just introduced us to here, because I think it's quite incredible and you kind of glazed over a little bit here and I want the audience to get some of the juicy details here when, when did you? When did you publish your first book?

Speaker 3: 17:16

so my first book. So and that also is a funny thing and it really shows you how old school I am. So I'm, as I mentioned, at the time when, in 2003, when I met Charles Evers, I was and you probably are familiar with these where people would do the chapbooks, remember those when they would take the pages, maybe go to Kinko's, or obviously they would have the books stapled together and they'd have these books. I was one of those people, so I first did that in 1999. That was my first little chapbook that I would have, and I would be actually going to poetry events and stuff and would actually sell them and travel with those. So, officially, though, I got my first book deal, which is the funny thing my first book deal actually came in 2013. That's when I thing my first book deal actually came in 2013. That's when I got my first book deal how old were you then?

Speaker 3: 18:07

I at that point. Let's see, I was about to be 49, so I was 38 then okay, I was 38 years old and it was benita and hodge they uh, they offered me a book deal. They're based out of tennessee and they had been following me and my affirmations that I would post, and they're like don't post any more affirmations, we want to publish these.

Speaker 3: 18:30

I was like OK, and so that was a hard time for me, also because 2013 was a year before I lost my grandmother and she had been having some health issues at the time, so it was a bright spot in that point, but it was also a time when, personally, I was going through some, some navigations for myself. But yeah, officially I became a published author in 2013.

Speaker 1: 18:57

But you were writing all the way, since you were a little kid.

Speaker 3: 19:00

All the way. Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I was never. I was one of those people and this is an interesting side note that you may not know my father was murdered when I was five years old, and so my father was not considered a good guy. I'll say it that way, guy, I'll say it that way. But I think you know, when I I look at him, even though I have very, very brief memories of him but, believe it or not, very vivid memories of him too I look at pictures of himself and I can see me in him, and what I mean by that is he was someone who definitely was a go-getter, he was a hard worker, but he was a very no-nonsense guy. He was a very complicated character, and I'm a complicated character, quite honest with you.

Speaker 3: 19:52

People don't think that looking at me, but I am very complicated, and I say that because I realize that I've made some very calculated decisions that have helped me to stay focused on the path that I'm on, and they'll sometimes mean, you know, shutting doors that other people think that I should be walking through. You know, I knew very early on, seth, that I would be a single guy, that that was going to be my thing and that that was to be stay focused. For me, that was going to be the route Right, and so I used to write about that. You know that that was. You know that was the path for me, because I just I'm a very jealous person when it comes to my time, and so I I knew then that made that, yeah, I'm not going to be the guy that you hang out with. I am going to tell a lot of people no when you want to. You know you just want to come over.

Speaker 3: 20:48

You know, and that is, you know, for some people. You know that makes me seem kind of isolationist, but to me it's practical, because I can't do what I want to do the way I want to do it and then bring all these other things in. So that's a path I've chosen right. So I think about that sometimes when I think about my dad, that my dad made some very complicated decisions in his life, you know, and some of them good, some of them not good. And so for myself, I always try to keep that in mind as I'm kind of going through my life of building what I've built, but also trying to be honest with myself and other people along the way is.

Speaker 1: 21:37

You know, we live in a time where we're so interconnected and there are so many options of things that we could do with our life that are being thrown in our face on the internet daily, daily, daily, and I feel like so many people get lost in, like the sea of well, maybe I should do this with my life. Well, maybe I should do that with my life. Well, maybe I should do this. And very few people find themselves in a space like what, the space that you were in where you made the decision hey, listen, I'm going to be very strict with who gets access to my time so that I can stay focused on doing what it is that I want to do, and I feel like this is where human power comes from is being able to make decisions like that about.

Speaker 1: 22:22

You know, this is what's important for me in life. These are the things that I will say no to in order to prioritize those and make time for them and really be able to cultivate them and create the things that I want to with my life. So I think that's a really powerful thing that you said there, and I mean you kind of ran over it quite quickly, but I want to kind of pause and focus in on that for my audience, because this, to me, is where the secret sauce is and where I spend a lot of time with my clients as their life coach. Focusing in on is getting them to see what is truly important for them and to make the authentic, honest decisions about. This is what I'll say yes to and this is what I will say no to in life, in order to prioritize my energy and time into these things. Want to talk a little bit more about that.

Speaker 3: 23:14

Seth, but I will say this too, and this is where my family and I had to, we kind of had to have some difficult conversations. Where my family and I had to, we kind of had to have some difficult conversations and my close friends and I cause I do have what I call my, my tribe is I think everyone should have close people and I and I am very appreciative of family, I love family. But I realized when because my last suicide attempt, part of what the problem was, everything I wanted to be was what they wanted me to be and that's where the unhappiness came yes, and and I, when I would replay it later, I would think well, people would say well, cyrus is going to be a great lawyer, or Cyrus is going to be.

Speaker 3: 23:53

No one ever asked me if I wanted to be a lawyer. They just had this story that they had created. So that's where my unhappiness with Cyrus came from, based on what other people expected Cyrus to do. I'm the oldest of two children of my mom's, and so she had these great hopes for me that she didn't have, which is nothing wrong with that. Instead of asking me, well, cyrus, what do you want to do? That was never asked of me. Asking me, well, cyrus, what do you want to do? That was never asked of me. And so I realized when I was replaying this, when I went through the last suicide attempt and moved back to Mississippi I let them all know that you know what. My days of being the Cyrus you wanted is over. I'm going to do what I want to do, and if you ask me to do something, you could be my mother, my grandmother. If the answer is no, if I don't want to do it, I'm not going to do it.

Speaker 3: 24:45

That means you will be disappointed sometimes, you will be happy sometimes, but at least I will be at peace. And that's what I started doing, seth, honestly, at 21. And I use this phrase a lot with my friends and that is I protect my peace. I think one of the biggest mistakes people make is that they choose unhappiness with themselves to please other people Absolutely. I'd already been through that and it almost cost me my life, so I wasn't going back to that. So today my mother will tell you, at 77 years old, she has to call to ask if it's okay to come over to my house. No one just drops by and says I was in the neighborhood because you will not get in.

Speaker 1: 25:26

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 25:26

And I have set very strict boundaries. I let people know I will be glad to help you if it fits within my schedule and I don't have anything planned, but I'm not going to make myself unhappy to do something that pleases you. And that leaves me frustrated, and I think when I talk to my friends, seth, that's the sadness I feel from them. So many of them have advocated their own happiness To please other people. Other people get what they want from them, but then they are left feeling like I really don't want to do this, and my thought is always then, why are you doing it? You're the one who has to live with you. Why are you doing it?

Speaker 3: 26:08

I think so many people live in fear of. I don't want people to think well, believe me, my no game is strong. I have no, I don't care who you are, I have no problem these days saying no. My mom will say, hey, can you do? No, I can't do that. I have a full day today. I can't. I won't be able to do that. However, I do have time on this day. If that works for you, we can make that happen. And what I learned from that, seth, is this People will push you as far as they think you will let them.

Speaker 3: 26:40

Bingo If you allow them to know that you're prioritizing yourself first and that they can still have time, then they will take that time, and I have stopped in making other people the priority. Now again, that sounds harsh for a lot of people, but I tell you one thing, seth I can't tell you the last time I had a headache, other than going for my annual checkups, I haven't been in the hospital in 20 years. I don't have, I don't. I'm not on any blood pressure medicine, any heart medicine. I'm not on any prescription medication, because I have learned that I have to protect myself if I'm going to be of service to anybody, because if I'm not at my best self, I can't serve anyone, either personally or professionally. So I think that's been very important for me. Now, that is not easy for everyone to do, but I have learned to do it and I've learned the importance of doing it, and I think that's why I've been able to benefit the way I have.

Speaker 1: 27:36

This is. I'm loving the fact that we're talking about this right now, because people pleasing is like the soapbox that I step up on all the time with people and I get so much negative pushback on this when I talk about this with people because we have such a culture around the world today. It seems like that somehow people pleasing is like this badge of honor to wear. It's we're doing a kindness to the world and I keep trying to tell people you know, people pleasing is.

Speaker 1: 28:07

It's really quite manipulative and narcissistic and it doesn't get anyone anywhere, because the truth of the matter is, the people that think that they like you don't even like you. They they like a lie that you're telling them, and the people that might actually like you don't even get the opportunity to like you because you don't show up as you and let them know what it is you truly like and how you want to spend your time, to let them make empowered and educated decisions about how they want to feel about you, and so I think it's really great that you're sharing this. I think this is something that that I speak about a lot, and I'm happy to have someone else on the podcast that talks about this this way. I would say also, cyrus, my no game is very strong, and I get a lot of people that are kind of like you're kind of a jerk when I when I tell them no, I don't really want to do that.

Speaker 3: 29:04

Yeah, and it is a weird thing, seth, and I think too. Again, I look at my family and my friends and I think about those who do the opposite. How I'm so much happier than they are because my thing is. And I said something to a very good friend of mine who was talking about oh, I have to go do this. Or I said, well, why do you have to do that? Well, I told them I was going to do it and I said you know what I said do you really want to do it? And they're like no, I said so. Basically, you're choosing to make yourself unhappy. It's different if you want to do it.

Speaker 3: 29:39

Now there's some things I want to do, like when my parents have doctor's appointments. My dad had to go for his colonoscopy last week. I volunteered to take that morning off so I could take him, because that's important for me. My mom she knows anytime she has a doctor's appointment. I'm clearing my schedule for that day because I know she's probably going to go shopping afterwards, so I have no problem. But you just calling them and says, hey, can you help me do, without even giving me the benefit of Cyrus, what is your day like today If you have some free time, do you think you can help me? That, to me, is a totally different conversation than trying to make someone feel like they're obligated to do something because you're a friend or because you're a family member, and my mom will tell you.

Speaker 3: 30:24

My mom tells you all the time don't. She tells people, don't, don't, show up at Cyrus's house if you don't want to get your feelings hurt. You know, don't, don't, just you know. Think you're going to, because I, I realized because here's the thing Seth and you, I think, can relate to this I part of when I'm in Mississippi. I work from home too.

Speaker 3: 30:43

So to me, you're not just disrespecting my personal space, you're disrespecting my professional space because you don't know what I'm doing here, you don't know if I'm with a client, you don't know if I'm doing an interview.

Speaker 3: 30:53

So that is, to me, is showing your lack of respect for me, instead of you trying to turn it around and say, well, you're just being ugly. No, you're being disrespectful of me and what I may be doing at that time. And I think that's where things have gotten turned around for so many people, which is why I feel so many people are unhappy and unsatisfied. I think if you gave people those parameters to say you know what, if you have time this week, if you could help me do this, I'd really appreciate it If it's something you want to do, I think people would do it without thinking anything about it. I know I do it, but I think this whole pressure campaign of you have to do or you're supposed to, you know, do this thing because you say you're my friend, you know I gave birth to you, you know I think it's wrong.

Speaker 1: 31:43

Absolutely. And I want to add on top of that, not only do people feel unhappy and unfulfilled that are in these cycles of people pleasing and literally this is the one common denominator with, I would say, 99.9% of my clients. They all identify themselves as people pleasers. But not only are they unhappy and unfulfilled, they all have this deep sense of a lack of acceptance.

Speaker 1: 32:10

And I'm always kind of like well, of course you feel unaccepted. You're literally over here hiding in a box and you're putting this like image out here and like playing around with it and seeing what people think about that and how much they'll accept that. And then some people do accept it, but you're still over here in the box. So of course you feel unaccepted. You're not even giving anyone the opportunity to accept you. So how could you feel accepted? You're rejecting yourself before anyone else even gets the opportunity to reject you. Of course you feel unaccepted and I think this to me is the saddest part about it is people feeling completely unfulfilled and unaccepted and they're not even giving themselves the opportunity to feel accepted in their life.

Speaker 3: 32:57

Yeah, such a good point, and I think that's why conversations like this are important, which is why I'm so glad I love seeing your post, seth, on social about this, because I think it's important to talk about. But it's also important to give people permission to think that what they want matters and who they are matters, and that's what it took me a suicide attempt to realize that. I hope it doesn't get to that point for everyone, which is why I think voices like yours are so important and why, when I have opportunities to share my platform, to do conversations like this, that I try to let people know too. That's actually selfless, because then people can get the best of you, you know, instead of just what you're offering, because you want to be able to be there for them so they won't feel a certain way about you.

Speaker 1: 33:48

Or yeah, or you want to try and manipulate the way that they think about you and the truth is they're not even thinking about you anyways. They're thinking about this thing over here that you're presenting to them. Yeah, it's really to me, people pleasing is the selfish thing to do. It's really to me, people pleasing is the selfish thing to do. And it's selfless to allow yourself to be fully seen and allow people to make their own decisions about what they want to think about you, how they want to relate to you, what parts of you they want to like and they don't want to like. And that's the selfless act. Right, there is to say, hey, here's me, yeah, what you will with it. Right, but I'm going back to something you just said a second ago giving people permission to say what it is that they want, to know what it is that they want and and know that it matters.

Speaker 1: 34:35

What was that process like for you, coming from that space of being the Cyrus that everybody wanted you to be and feeling so unhappy with it, and then finally saying you know what? Here are my boundaries, I'm going to do what I want to do. I know for a lot of my clients, that's actually a really difficult space for them to navigate is when someone actually gives them the opportunity to talk about what they want. They don't even know how to answer the question. So what was like? What was that process like? For you to kind of peel back all the layers of this is what's expected of me, this is what everyone wants from me, and then find underneath this is what I want for my life.

Speaker 3: 35:17

Seth. Seth, I have to tell you and I smile because I that's when I was free, and it also is when I realized the truth for me this is the truth that I'm going to share for myself that I still live by today that then it was all on me. If I was going to make the decision as to what I wanted to do, then the consequences of that decision was also on me. Versus if I was going to do what other people wanted me to do, that I would say well, you know what. That didn't work, because that wasn't really for. You know what I wanted to do in the first place, when I was able to embrace that this is what I want to do, I want to pursue my art, I want to pursue my writing. I'm not saying and I think that's where the confusion comes in I wasn't saying I want to do it. I didn't know what that looked like, seth, but that's what I wanted to do.

Speaker 3: 36:16

Now, if I had to work a job, which I did, I worked at kroger for four years, uh, you know, and then went on to do some other things that didn't let me to being able to be full time in this, but what I realized was saying yes to myself didn't mean that I was being reckless.

Speaker 3: 36:30

Saying yes to myself made me responsible and accountable, and that's what. That's what my joy has come in, and I tell people I've been very fortunate Even. I mean, you look at me as a person and I don't bring race into a lot of things, but I think that's another thing. My family looked at that you know you're a Black boy in Mississippi and there's, and in their minds, because of what they had seen, there are limited opportunities for someone that looks like you, who doesn't come from money, who now you're going to be uneducated on top of that, you know. And yet the day before my grandmother died Seth, you know what she told me I achieved things She'd never thought anyone of color would ever do, and I would not have been able to do that if I was not living for anyone else but myself.

Speaker 1: 37:25

Absolutely and and I.

Speaker 3: 37:27

That was one of the greatest gifts. Well, she gave me two gifts today before she died in 2014. And that was I had put my life on hold for her, willingly. I wanted to the last decade of her life. She had gotten sick, she was going on dialysis. They said she wasn't going to live, but a few years. She lived 10 years on dialysis and going three days a week, week, going through all of that and, you know, passed away at the age of 91. But she said to me the day before she died. She said you have given me so much. It's time for you to give that time back to yourself. She said those words to me the day before she died and that was the permission I needed, because I was. It's hard to explain, but I'm going to try.

Speaker 3: 38:13

I had, even though I had made the decisions that I was accountable, as I mentioned, I wanted to come back, be here in Brandon. I was living in Jackson at the time when she got sick and they told me about what was happening. I said, well, I can come, I can run my business from Brandon, I can do that. And so I was cooking three meals a day. I don't even eat three meals a day and I was cooking her three meals a day and taking her to dialysis three days a week and taking her through appointments and, you know, giving her insulin shots. I've never done any of that stuff, but it was a.

Speaker 3: 38:43

It was a relationship that I enjoyed, which sounds crazy, but it was.

Speaker 3: 38:49

I looked forward to being the last person she saw every night and the first person she saw in the morning, because, of course, we lived together and so that for me to be able to be accountable for myself and still work I was still working doing the radio show and all of that, but because of technology I didn't have to go into the studio. Now I could do it over the phone. You know, like you know, I've been able to do with a lot of my guests, and so for me, having that freedom of choosing, I would not have had that. If it had not been for that decision I made, I wouldn't have been in the good place I was in when she passed away. Now I went through some challenges after that because I'd never experienced a love like that before and so losing that it took me a minute, right, I mean. I think that's understandable, but definitely for me that accountability and responsibility was so freeing that I think it made everything else possible for me at that point.

Speaker 1: 39:49

That's really powerful. That's powerful to say yeah, because I feel like this is a big misconception that many people that I don't know fall into this. You have to work in the corporate world, you've got to go to university, you've got to work in one of these. There's this idea that becoming an entrepreneur that kind of deciding this is what I want to do with my life and create my own path forward is kind of this reckless, selfless thing to do. Actually, it's like putting yourself on the line here. You don't have a corporate structure to lean on, you don't have a boss to fall back on, like to come to and say, hey, I don't know what to do here, it's your I mean forgive my French, but your ass is the one on the line.

Speaker 1: 40:41

And this really and I found this out for myself when I decided to also kind of leave the corporate structure of work and do my own thing is that I was taking on a lot of responsibility for the results in my life that I didn't realize working in the corporate world I didn't feel responsibility for because, you know, I had the company that I worked for to fall back on and say, oh well, that was, that was their decision to run things this way and that's why it happened. And so, yeah, that's, that's a really powerful thing to say, and I think a lot of people don't realize this is it is it's it's taking on a lot of responsibility in life to to say hey this is what I want to do and I'm not going to use the excuse of well, my mom wanted me to do it or my boss wanted me to do it, so realized that.

Speaker 3: 41:46

You know, and I like the challenge of it. You know, I like that, and that also makes me weird in my own way. I like the fact that I because I mean you can relate to this too we become creators in our own world. We literally take nothing and turn it into something that's just not for us. I mean, just like what you've been able to do, you know, with your clients. I mean that came from here and now it's out here. You know, and it's. That is a powerful thing, you know, and it's also scary.

Speaker 1: 42:22

It's also scary because you're like, you're putting some of the most vulnerable pieces of you out there for people to have their thoughts about.

Speaker 3: 42:30

Yeah, I totally agree, and I live with the fear too, and I think as I become more successful, I think it becomes a little bit heavier for me, because for me my success, or what that looks like, has never been about me, since I really wanted to show other people that, hey, if that guy can do it, that I can do it too. Now that's going to look different for everybody, but my point is, if I was willing to put forth the effort, just imagine what you could do if you put forth the effort in your life. And again, I didn't just wake up and all of this stuff happened. It was a process. But I think that process would not have happened if I had not made the decision.

Speaker 1: 43:17

Yeah, absolutely Making the decision. That's the important thing you decided, and I think, well not. I think what I see a lot of people doing out here is just kind of contemplating the possibility, you know, thinking about it and not really making the decision. Like this is what I want to do with my life and I believe I can do it. Belief equals action, action equals belief, and really using that power to decide this is what I'm going to do with my life and, whatever it takes, that's what I'm going after, and you're a powerful example of that.

Speaker 1: 43:52

I mean the fact that you are a two time suicide attempt survivor and you're a public speaker who, as a child, you had a stuttering speech impediment, a stuttering speech impediment. And I feel like this is all of the reasons, like so many people I see making these excuses out here of why, oh well, they have this and I don't have that. That's why I can't do it, and all of these reasons why they can't go after their dreams. And to see people like you who have these obstacles and then you just say, all right, game on, I'm going after it. Talk a little bit about that to my audience, because I feel like I sound like a broken record when I talk about this with them. So for you, what was that driving force in you to say I've got these obstacles here, but this is what I want and I'm going after it?

Speaker 3: 44:47

I've got these obstacles here, but this is what I want and I'm going after it. Yeah, I think part of it is I really believe.

Speaker 3: 44:54

This is what I was created to do, and I know everyone has different belief systems, but for me, I really believe I was created for this. I had a dream about my grandmother the year after she died, where she came and sat on my bed and she had told me this same thing before she died. But she came and sat on my bed in this isn't a dream and she said, cyrus, you're going to do great, but just don't get the big head. And I I for myself, even growing up, as I told you, they would tell me all these things I was going to be. They would see, I mean the whole reason why they named me Cyrus, you know, after the king of the Bible, the shining one, you know, and so it's, it's ironic that they saw things in me that it took me a long time to see in myself, but I think for myself when I started to embrace it.

Speaker 3: 45:43

Wait a minute. I have been given something People resonate with. You know, with my work, people resonate with my words. You know people are impacted by my story and that's when I realized that everyone is an influencer. You know we throw that word around now so much, and you know I have to use it in my work, because that's part of the titles that you know we use for what I do. But all of us are influencers, seth, and I think for myself that is what I try to get people to see that we all.

Speaker 3: 46:13

I was having an influence, even just in my neighborhood, being able to during the summer. My mom would tell me and remind me of this and my cousins would tell me. I would actually have little mini summer schools with my cousins to help them get ready for the next race. And I thought to myself I've always been this person. This is just always who I am, so I really believe I was created to do this.

Speaker 3: 46:37

Now, again, I didn't know what that platform was going to look like. If you had told me in 2003, when Charles Evers came up to me, that I would end up on iHeartRadio and have a magazine and travel the country I mean, I wouldn't have been able to see. I had never been outside any. The only other state I'd ever been to is New York, but I moved to New York other than Mississippi. If you had told me that, you know, 21 years ago, I would not have seen it. But if you had told me that, cyrus, you're going to do great things at 20 years old. After what I've been through, I would have believed it, because I, at that point, I realized that that's why I was still here, because otherwise it didn't make any sense how I survived. Because we all know, not all suicide attempt survivors do you know. You know, don't go through with it, you know. And so the fact that I was still here to me was just proof that, yeah, there was something more for me to do.

Speaker 1: 47:31

Yeah, I think this is. This is what is is really important for people to see in their own life is having a sense of purpose. Whether you believe in God, whether you believe in the universal energy, whatever it is, whatever your spiritual practice might be, recognizing that there is a bigger design that you are a part of and that you serve a purpose in that design is crucial, and being able to see this is what I'm going to do with my life and this is why it matters, and this is why there's nothing else more important for me to do than to focus in on this and to really give my all to it, and I think that's something that's very important for people to see in their own life, and I think a lot of people are lacking this connection to that, and a lot of this has to do with the fact that so many people have spent their whole entire life living under these people, pleasing stories that they've never even taken the time to connect with. What is actually important for me what am I actually designed to be sensitive to? What? What are the things that, when I do these things, other people light up, because I have a way of connecting with this in a way that nobody else does.

Speaker 1: 48:42

And, um, really being able to remember those things for me myself after, you know, years of going through a lot of confusing trying to figure out who I am and what I wanted to do with my life as a young adult, after growing up in a Southern Baptist Christian home that basically taught me I was an abomination to God and that I was just something that's going to die and burn in hell for all of eternity.

Speaker 1: 49:05

Really trying to figure out how do I reconcile that and still believe that I was put here for a reason and I'm here to serve a purpose. And in being able to see where I am now and look back at my even my years as a kid and teenager, I was always doing what I'm doing right now. I just didn't know what I was doing and it wasn't until I kind of looked back and saw this is what I'm, this is what I've been doing all along and this is what people need. This is what people are looking for and I can I can help them with that. That was, that was a big eyeopening moment for me. But that's very important what you said there. It's important for people to recognize that they serve a purpose.

Speaker 3: 49:55

And Seth, I would add one thing I just thought about as you were talking, and not to be afraid to do it alone, because everyone can't go along with us. That has been, I have to say I was just writing about this in my new book. That has been one of the hardest things for me, because I'm genuinely not a selfish person. I want people, I want great things for other people, but what has saddened me is that the realization it really is the realization of not everyone can come. Not everyone can, because, for one thing, the journey is not for everyone and as much as you may love someone, you can't make them want something for themselves more than they want it for themselves. I had a situation that happened a few years ago with someone who I was close with and I really was trying to push them to do something and we worked on a project together and it was obvious their heart was not in it and I got mad about the situation and I was talking to another friend of mine that knew them and I said you know what? I'm just disappointed. You know I really wanted them to do this and they said something sad to me. That really, and this is why I pray about this, about being humble enough to see myself. And she said to me Sarge, did they ask you for that? And I said, well, no, they didn't ask me for it, but I wanted them to have it. And she said, well, how could you be mad at them for something they didn't ask for? You should be mad at yourself for trying to make them want something. And, seth, that was a light bulb for me, because I didn't, and that's why I tell people that self-evaluation is so important. I didn't realize I was mad at them for something that was my fault. Then it would have been a different story if they had said, cyrus, I want to do this. And then they didn't follow through. But I wanted them to do this, even though, because I knew it was going to be good for them. But they didn't see that and I thought to myself, wow, that is such. So that's why I love this journey of life, because we can have the best of intentions, you know, for others and ourselves. But if we're not truly thinking about again, going back to what we were saying earlier about being selfish and selfless, that was selfish of me, even though I thought I was doing something good for them, but that was selfish of me to try to make something for them that they may not have wanted at that time, but that was selfish of me to try to make something for them that they may not have wanted at that time. And I think I'm always every day, I can honestly say every day I do that self-evaluation of myself.

Speaker 3: 52:23

Did I handle that situation right, did I say, because I'm known for saying I'm a very blunt person in my casual conversations with people, not so much on radio, and so sometimes I think you know what you probably could have said that a little different. That didn't make me probably land the way you probably want. It was coming from a good place but it did not sell, and so I'm so glad I can laugh at myself about that and say text someone. So you know what I think. I screwed that conversation up, you know, and I apologize and they're like Cyrus, I get it, you know I'm good.

Speaker 3: 52:59

But I think that that conversation with ourselves and that knowing of ourselves and that to me is so important because it really helps us, not only for ourselves personally but also in our interactions with people too, as you, as you were talking about, even for those who may have known us growing up. You know people who knew me growing up. We were at a viewing. Someone in my neighborhood died recently and there was a viewing for them over the weekend and one of them said to my mom you know, cyrus, even growing up, it's the same Cyrus it is today. They just knew this was going to be the person. I thought about that when you said what you said, about you were doing exactly then what you are now living today and I think that's just so important to again that being self-aware.

Speaker 1: 53:41

Yeah, absolutely, and, like you said, not being afraid to go it alone. I think this is one of the things that I see holding so many people back and I've seen it hold me back in my own life for years is holding on to chapters of a relationship and trying to drag that relationship with me in a direction that the other person didn't want to go with life, and then feeling like I couldn't go unless they came with me. And you know, especially coming from a very conservative Southern Baptist Christian home and then coming out as a very open and proud gay male and wanting to live a very unashamed life like that and wanting to kind of. You know, I still I'm still very spiritual, I still believe in God. I just have my own beliefs about him.

Speaker 1: 54:34

But it was, it was a struggle for me for, I would say, over a decade, to kind of release the responsibility of me needing my family to accept the journey that I was on and come along with me on it and to just be able to say you know what, seth, let them be them and you be you and let the relationship evolve how it's going to evolve when those two things happen and if that means that some of them will fall out of your life, then that's just how it's going to be and that, that willingness to say, okay, if that's what's going to happen, that's what's going to happen, is, um, that's a powerful space to be in, to be willing to do things without the people that we think we're going to be there with us for our whole life.

Speaker 3: 55:22

Yeah, seth, what you just said reminded me what I was mentioning earlier about that accountability and acceptance for ourselves. I mean, I think that's it, because everything comes with a cost and you know, for myself, you know I'm very happy, which you know. I have to be honest, sometimes I feel bad saying I know that sounds crazy, but because I know there's so many people who are not happy. My best friend right now is going through some challenges professionally and health-wise and we've been best friends for over 20 years and I hesitate sometimes talking with him and we're talking about things and he's like well, sorry, you can tell me, everything is going well. I'm asking you for a reason. I'm asking because I want to know, but I know he's going through things and you know you don't want to be that person.

Speaker 3: 56:08

Oh, I'm so sorry you're going through that, but for me everything's great, you know, you know it's, you know I, I really I try to balance that of saying you know, yeah, things are good, and then like, okay, well, what's going on? Who are you interviewing? La la la. And I still, even to this day, will hesitate on that because I don't like making it seem like, oh, I'm so sorry, things aren't going well for you, because things are going great for me, and just that about myself is something that's one of those work in progress things, because if people love you, they want to see you happy, Seth, as you know, and I think it doesn't mean that everyone's going to be feeling the same way, but I'm still navigating how to express the happiness and joy I have and not make it seem like I'm trying to make it my life is better than yours, type of deal. You know what?

Speaker 3: 57:00

I'm saying I mean, and I think there is, there's. We both know there's some people who do that Like I'm living the life You're not. You know that's. That's not the place I come from, and people who know me know that they, they know I'm not that guy. But I think that's one of the things I that's part of that self-evaluation for myself is, you know, as you're talking about what you're doing, being careful that you're not making it seem as though it puts you in a different space than other people.

Speaker 1: 57:28

Yeah, absolutely, absolutely. Oh, cyrus, I think we could. We could keep talking for a very, very long time about all of this, but we've been talking for about an hour now, so I want to give you a chance to also talk to my audience about the things that you're doing to help other people right now, how they can get in touch with you, the things that they can get access to through you. Kind of give us the spiel here.

Speaker 3: 57:58

Well, I have to say this is the part I'm very bad at. I'm horrible at this part, but it's. I will say this Seth, I want to commend you on what I've been able to listen to your podcast in the past. I want to commend you on the place that you are creating for others and also in showing by example, which is so important for me to do and I'm so glad to see you doing that and others doing it Showing by example what's possible and not being afraid to speak truth, even when it's not something that is easy for people to accept.

Speaker 3: 58:33

So first of all, I want to say that and thank you so much for the invitation to be on. You know pretty much for myself the big thing for me this year I'm doing a lot of speaking. This year I'm releasing three books this year. Two of them are already out. My first poetry book in 18 years, which I'm so excited about, my Journey in Haku is doing well right now on Amazon this week released my first business book, minding your Business, which I'm very excited about. And then I have a children's book that is coming out this summer which I'm excited about. This is my own children's book called Mel's Healthy Choice, and so I'm excited about that. I wrote it and illustrated it, so that's going to be coming out this summer.

Speaker 3: 59:16

But as far as for myself, I'm continuing to evolve my platform with the radio show. We're celebrating 21 years in July, so definitely invite you guys to listen to conversations live. You can find it wherever you listen to your podcast. Our radio audience can still hear us here in Mississippi. We're on six days a week here in Mississippi, but the podcast is on five days a week. But everything you can find everything that we're doing just at my website, cyruswebcom. That'll lead you to everything, with the radio show, the magazine, the books. Everything's kind of right there in one place.

Speaker 1: 59:47

All right, awesome. I'll grab some links from you after we're done here so that I can also put them in the show notes of this episode. So thank you for coming on, cyrus. This has been a really wonderful conversation. I definitely want to have you back, because there were a few things we started talking about today that I was like, oh there's, we can have a whole nother hour long conversation about that. So thank you for coming on and thank you for sharing your story with my audience and and offering some really powerful words of insight, hope and inspiration for everybody. Some really powerful words of insight, hope and inspiration for everybody.

Speaker 1: 1:00:22

So, guys, if you're interested in connecting with Cyrus the links that he mentioned I'm going to put them in the show notes below. You can get in touch with him. You can check out more of what he's doing, his books and everything he's got available on his website. So thank you very much, cyrus. Very nice having you and, for the rest of you all, I will see you all again here next week. Until then, ciao of the first people to know when I release a new episode each week.

Speaker 1: 1:00:56

If you have any questions, or if you have interest in learning more about the coaching that I do with my clients one-on-one, then just head over to my website at wwwlifecoachsethcom. That's wwwlifecoachsethcom. There you're going to have the ability to reach out to me for questions that you might have or to book your free discovery call with me to discuss what one-on-one coaching with me might be like for you. You can also check out and order your copy of my book to get a taste of what I'm all about as a person and as a coach. I'm so happy that you joined us today and I hope to have you here again next week. So until then, let authenticity be the guide to your most unstoppable and fulfilling journey of life. Thank you.