Becoming Dad: The Truth About Fatherhood No One Talks About

In honor of Father's Day, we had the one and only Phil Hoel, father to Bob, in the studio to chat about what it really takes to be a father!

Transcript

The world needs more fathers with the qualities and values, hard work, honesty and dedication and time takes a lot of time to be a be a parent.

Welcome this edition of the Hoel Truth podcast. Today for Father's Day, I thought it'd be pretty cool to get my dad in here, and get him behind the camera and make him a little uncomfortable, and, just just kind of chat it up about life and being a dad and just kind of what, you know, what struggles, what childhood, you know, created the man that he is, you know, and just, you know, talk about being a Grandpa and, and that kind of stuff.

So, my dad, I'll let him introduce himself. And then, we'll just, kind of chat about life, so just. I know, I know, I'm the favorite, but you got some other kids. You should probably mention here, so, we'll let you do that. I’m Phil Hoel and I got five kids. Pretty proud of all five of them.

Angela and Curtis, and, of course, Bob and Zach and Matthew. So, Matthew, the youngest baby. He's over in Liberty area, works at, fertilizer place. I always forget what the hell the name is because it's. He's there. It's Keystone now, right? Yeah. So they've changed names a couple times. Zach is here in Glenwood, and works for Griffey Farms.

Helps dad feed cattle and whatnot. Curt is a firefighter EMS down in Hopkinsville, Kentucky area. And then Angie is in the Greensburg area and working for the state and, environmental. So I guess kind of, What, the reason I had this is I just kind of feel like I just want to tell my story of that, and I want to keep it as positive as possible.

But as fathers, you know, the different struggles we went through, and, you know, I guess I think you should probably start with my grandpa. Tell your dad what happened to him when you were in the first grade. And you know what? That you know, 40 years of his life after that accident was, my dad was in a tractor accident. Tractor turned upside down on him.

Paralyzed him from waist down. They said he’d never walk, but he walked. And, He was a big impact on my life. Of course, at the time, I was 11 years old, my older brother moved out and I had to take over taking care of the livestock. So I've been taking care of cattle for a long time.

So what, you were in the first grade when that happened to grandpa? Yes. Yeah. First grade. So what is the first grade? Is that, like, eight years old? What is written in the third grade? He's turned ten. So, yeah. First grade, first grade, second grade. What? So. Grandpa. So how old would have Grandpa been when that accident happened?

He's been in his 40s, right? Yeah. I mean, it's sort of that he lived 41 years after the accident when I said he lived six months. Well, now, they told us in 81 that he didn't have long to live., that his medicine could no longer work. And then he lived til ‘04. Okay, okay. Yeah. Because I was. Yeah, I was in high school.

Yeah. The spring of ‘04. Yeah. You sure it wasn't ’03? Nah, it was ‘04. Okay. I thought I was a sophomore, but anyways, so, I mean, like, and, you know, it's kind of funny that we say that about the medicine and everything, because here at the office, we've been working with a lady that we're actually going to have on the podcast coming up soon that's a nurse practitioner and talk about, you know, how grandpa threw a lot of medicines away and just read up on his vitamins and took vitamins, and that was 81.

They told him he didn't have long lived because medicines no longer work, and he told them all away and started them vitamins. So 45 years ago, I mean, let's be honest, this corrupt is our pharmaceutical industry is these days like to think how how much better it was 45 years ago. So, kind of tell your story of back surgeries, farming.

What got which forced you out of farming into, environmental. And then. So a little back story is, dad grew up in Camden, Ohio area, and then we moved over here, when I was in a third grade to Indiana and 96. Correct. Yeah. And, so that's that's why Rushville is home for me.

So tell that back story of, like, the farming. Yeah, the back surgeries and what, you know, kind of kind of some of them steps in life. And what led you to Indiana. For a farm for years and then got married in 81. Bob's mom, and then, in 85, October 85th, I had a first back surgery, and then two years later, had my second back surgery, and doctor told me that I'd find something else to do, or I ended up in the wheelchair, and, so I went to college, got surveying degree surveying for a couple of years.

And seeing that, it was phantom and faced and even though I, it's hard to spend time with the kids, I couldn't, you know, that was, that that was really hard. So I went back to college. You got the environmental degree, then, or, ended up getting into construction and, construction inspector. So that's been a been doing ever since.

So since he won't say it, he ended up getting a job with the state of Indiana with DNR, back in 96 and, you know, moved over, and I, I do remember that he came to us kids and just was explaining where he wanted to go. And I do know that you had, you know, asked a lot of questions.

And Rush County was very well known for their FFA program for H, and FFA is a big part of us kids. Growing up you knew the importance of that. So that's kind of how we landed in Rushville, or in Glenwood, but Rest County is kind of the center of the area. Was vision. So conservation, stormwater specialists, you know, the roads to control, construction sites and, Ross County happened to be in the center pretty well center of the area.

I had, like I said, I checked and found out about there. Like Bob said, the forage and, FFA because that's what I want my kids to be big in. So one thing, if you know, dad, he's fed cattle since probably when he was in a diaper, and he's passed that gene on to me. And probably the worst part is he's passed it on to my three kids.

So I guess, like, kind of talk like what? What you seen for H and FFA do for for kids growing up, it's just, Well, my thing is, growing up, I had cattle, within them. Nothing fancy because I didn't have the, money to do that. But, kept. So the kids keep the kids busy. You can give them something to do.

And I give as good a cattle as I could form the show. It's fair. And, Yeah, just to teach them responsibility, teaches them, work ethic.

No. Right. Now, some questions here. So what what was your biggest fear being a single dad with? So I'll go ahead and say this. I said I'm going to keep this positive, but, my biological mother left when I was two. I'd been to her. It would have been three, pretty much. And Angie would have been eight ish.

You know, in college, Baxter, you know, back surgeries, bankrupt. Let's just be honest, you know, let's just put it all out there, like, you know, I always want to tell stories and, like, of the overcoming and, you know, because it's it's Father's Day weekend. Dads are not celebrated enough. And good moms are needed to, very fortunate.

Of some people that stepped up in my life, but, you know, like to step back. And it's kind of ironic because I've got a young man I just hired a couple weeks ago. I haven't even got to share this with you. His dad's raised him, and I made a comment here today about me not having a mom.

And, sometimes they think the dads are just the devil's, and I. I kind of knew his story, but he's like, yep, you ain't say anything new. And I'm like, oh, I was like, I'm sorry if I touched a nerve. He's like, no, no, you're right. So I guess, like, what? Take us through some of that. Like what?

What was the fear? And, you know, like because I also know that when we moved to Indiana that my Aunt Jenny and Uncle Charlie. And there's a story there that, you know, my aunt got cancer about the same time that you were going through a lot of this, and she ended up helping. She was there a lot to help us because she was home, you know.

But I also know that hurt her feelings. And, you know, because you were moving us kids away from her. But, you know, talk about, like, why you did that. Because, I mean, that's that's my entire story. Like, if you hadn't moved over here, I wouldn't have met Emily. I wouldn't have my kids. We wouldn't have this business, you know, all that kind of stuff.

So I kind of like to look at how God's we different trials end to end where we're at right now. Well, I got out of college, got a job with, Hamilton County Salt Water District and actually went to a seminar. And Batesville, field day and, got introduced to a guy named Mark Goldsmith that worked for DNR.

And we talked for a little bit and he says, of course, I you know, I lived in Ohio and he says, you want to work in Indiana. And, you know, he says he be covering several counties and be doing the same thing you're doing there in Hamilton County. And so I told him I was interested. So then he sent me a notice when it when the job was posted, and I applied for it and then come over and interviewed it and decided it was a pretty good pay raise.

But, get my kids out in the country and that's, you know, keep him out in the country was the big thing.

I had a lot of help from my sisters. I had three sisters, but mainly Jennie was the most then, with my second wife was, made the biggest impact as me, as a father making me hit up her father. In the years when these guys were. You had.

So what, what would what advice would you give? You know, a single dad, you know, that maybe have 2 or 3 young kids, you know, right now, you're only as good as the resources you got. And, always said you can't do it yourself. You got to have people helping you and the better people you got helping you.

That's why my kids are the way they are. I feel it's good. The resources, the people that I dealt with and worked with, it helped me out. I mean, there's there's a lot of truth to that. Who you put your kids around. And if it's FFA or for a church or sports, like give them, give them some responsibilities because that's, that's that's what, that's what kids need.

So as Phil Mitchell as well as, Carl Hilton, both people that made big impacts on me, but they both told me the same thing. When those same principles, when they walk down the hall, kids were and forage in FFA, you never had to worry about them as all good kids. So Phil Mitchell we lost him.

Definitely. Yeah. He was he was a minister at the Glenwood United Methodist Church. And then Carl Hylton, we lost several years ago, but he, he did start the engine, drove around and rode on a lot of Saturday. He's one when I was a kid, you know, you know, judging livestock. But it just it's it's kind of fun now, being a dad with my kids because, Rhett and Reagan did the livestock judging contest at Beef Congress this year, and they were they were so excited because I told them I did it.

So, like, they wanted to do it. And the poor kids had about five minutes of coaching from Trey Simmons about a week before of like roughly what the look like, what the look at Rhett's getting into for last year. You know about about this time. And it's funny because he's told me every day he's like dad, I won't be so much better beef Congress this year because I actually know what I'm what, what I'm looking at.

But it's like, you know what? I think as kids, you don't realize is the amount of volunteers of volunteer hours that people put in. And if it's a Karl Hilton or if it's a pastor or if it's a mister or I'm like, I get it, ag teachers are paid, but, you know, they're pretty much paid for for 8 to 4.

Not 6 a.m. to 10 p.m., you know? So it's it it really does. It really does matter. You know who they're around. And and another thing is, I think in a lot of people I think are afraid to talk about it, but it's just challenges also really help develop people and kids, you know, where, you know, I had to do a lot of things on my own, like, you know, with, you know, I know how to cook, I know how to wash my own laundry.

You know, that kind of stuff. You know, thank God my wife's good at both of them, so I don't have to do it as much. But still, like, you know, the the value, you know, the value in that. So. Yeah. Absolutely. You know, Uncle Charlie helped a lot. And Jenny's husband, like, you know, he was he was, he was there.

So, Yeah, absolutely. Growing up, my dad was in the hospital a lot, and, of course I had to help take care of dad, and, Yeah, I had talks, clothes and if we wanted to eat, we learned how to cook. And so our, taught my kids all that, too. So one thing that I'll. I will pay a huge compliment to my dad on is, always, always, always at football games.

Basketball games. How you chase me around when I coach youth football? When I was getting out of high school, in the college, you know, and and I know you always said that your dad struggled getting the games because he was in a wheelchair and 40. Well, it's been way more and 40 years ago now, 50 years ago, like it's just it was harder to get out for people like that than, you know, than it is today.

So that's and you know, my kids noticed that. They know, you know, you know, grandpa's going to be at the fair to watch me show, right? And I look at him, I was like, what do you think? And they're like, yes, you know, so I guess speak a little bit on to that. What what made that so important to you to spend time with your kids?

It's, you know, you got to support. I got a granddaughter. It's a basketball player. And I like to watch him play. It's, I get a lot. I enjoy watching him get out there and do their best. And, it's a very rewarding to me. You know, you raise these kids, and you hope to do the right thing, but then to see what the kids do, it's it's pretty awesome.

So what was a time when I was growing up that you wondered if I was going to turn out. All right, let's lighten this up a little bit. Well, okay. The day farmer stopped me and we hadn't lived here very long. He said, you, boy, come out and stop me and bullshitted with me for for a while stopped him on the road, then bullshitted me so I know then, you know, you had to bullshit and all down and, they returned and told me one day that Bob can bullshit his way out.

Anything. I mean, yeah, we seen my wife. I'm a pretty good sales guy here, guys. So, you know, let's just call a spade a spade. So that was Sam traveling, wasn't it? I don't remember who it was. I remember where he was parking. Freaking half in the yard. In the driveway. I'm. I'm dead. I know, I know, it was it.

Yeah. Because Sam just lived just north of us there, so we're just, you know, still lives just north of you. So, Yeah. No, that's, Yeah, he just got that property just north of us. Yeah, well, he's got it just south of us, but he. He don't live that far north, right? Yeah. That far north over there.

So. So, yeah, let's, let's talk grandkids. Because I'm just going to be honest, anybody watching this that knows you from 30 years ago, you were pretty damn hard on us kids. And my grandkids could pretty much do anything or my kids. Your grandkids could pretty much do anything and get away with it. So, you know, I guess talk about qualities in your grandkids that you see in yourself or your kids.

Just the work ethic, the, being responsible, communicating and, they learn from the best ever from their dad on their sneakiness sometimes. But, I won't throw my under the bus here, but they get more of that from their mother. But go ahead. Poor Emily, and that's a whole key. Thanks to the raise, kids and I ain't going to tell you I done such a good job with me.

It was the people that helped me. Because you can't do it yourself. You just can't. Like I said, I've missed phenomenal. So very, very, very fortunate there. What? So you didn't really give a good one of me, like, getting in trouble, which I don't really remember. Any ones that I thought you were going to, like, kill me or anything like that.

So I was really hoping that you had one that maybe I forgot about. I mean, I'll, I'll tell all myself the time that time I went down to Kentucky. When I come back, you had your brothers out because you turned the tractor on over Davis. Davis town? Yeah. George brothers is Camden their dad? But yeah. Yeah, that wasn't necessarily.

I was just trying to be responsible and feed cows there. So, I'll tell myself the time that I remember shooting Kurt with the B.B. gun, in the jaw. I shot him from pretty far distance, and it showed up in a dental X-ray, like 4 or 5, six, seven years later. And I do remember you saying, hey, what's this all about?

So, Yeah, I remember that now.

Well, one time I was at phenotype and we lived on an island. Come the back door. There was a back porch I looked in when the. You done something the curt you're out or you did something to each other. And of course, Curt was grandpa's favorite. And he went running and yeah, you guys was always sneaking around. Yeah, I was going to say that, you always tell the story that grandpa started to get on my ass, and you said, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

His grandpa confined to a freaking chair in the living room. So Maine Curt's way on on each other in the kitchen, and he's talking about being sneaky. Curt runs off and jumps on grandpa's lap and gets gets the innocent baby in trouble here, you know? So. Yeah.

What, what is your proudest moment? As a father, either with me or my kids, I guess I'll be selfish and we'll talk about me or my kids. Well, first thing I'm proud of all my kids is they all got college degrees and graduated. And about you, just the business you got. And, your kids are where they are.

Have a good kids and. That's I don't I means a lot to me. Go and get your hugs. So good. You used to be Rick. Give me a hug. Now it's really, really goes way out of our way to give me a hug all the time. No. So what I what I will say, like, I mean, the businesses, the phenomenal team that we've built, around us, the people that's been here and, that's behind the camera before years this fall.

Nick, a little over four years, Chris. Over three years now. Ellie. Was Ellie before or after you? Adam. All right. So. Ellie several years. So Ellie will be three years here. It just happened to get ready to happen. But, you know, one thing that I. That I remember, and anybody knows my dad, like, he's always given me away.

He's always. He's always got a freezer full of beef. My buddy dying ring tells me it all the time, and your dad always takes care of me. But I remember. And like, as a kid, you just remember certain things, and you don't really understand, the whole entire scope. But I remember one of us kids that went down on the damn basement got.

We used to eat cool with, like, ice cream, you know, back when it was price 59, $0.69 a container. And me or Kurt. And we'll blame it on Kurt since he's not here. We had left the damn freezer open, and dad went down there a couple of days later, and a lot of the meat, it wasn't spoiled, but it was thawed out and we drove around.

I remember as a kid, we drove around to the neighbors and it's like, here, there's nothing wrong with this freezer. Lower was open like, but use this up. Like use it tonight or tomorrow, you know, put it in your refrigerator. And now I look back and I realize how poor we were at that time. And that was a lot of money and meat.

And that, that, that had to be a lot harder than it looked like as a kid. But I guess I feel like it's passed on to me where it's like, you know, the generosity, is a core value around here. It's all me and Emily. We try to live our life every day, but, you know, it's just.

It's naturally in my blood, you know? Speaking of Don green, like, you know, he had some heart issues last year, and we went and cut me and Emily and the kids went and split a bunch of firewood and took it home. And anybody that knows Don, knows that he's he don't want much help. He's a little prideful, like any man that wants to provide for his family.

But he was choked up multiple times and appreciative, you know, of that. But but what's fun is watching it in my son now, you know, he sees it. He sees the generosity and, you know, and he has no idea, you know, he knows some of the stuff we do to be generous, but he doesn't he doesn't fully understand it.

So, you know, that stuck with me for, I mean, 30 years now. So, I think that that speaks volumes as you, as a dad. And I think we just we need that in the man in this country like to be generous and give of your talents, or, you know, my dad's got it. You've got a town of feeding cattle like you.

Just. You really enjoy it, like, you know, it's it's it's what? You know, you put a lot of pride in. You have. But like, the by the poor skinny things and see what I can make out of them. They don't always be a success, but most of the time they are. So,

I guess as we wrap this up, any words of advice? Anything that I didn't bring you up that, you know, you think we should talk about?

Well, you just got to, learn to love people, whether they like you or not. Turning your cheek. You gotta turn the other cheek. Takes a lot of hard work to raise kids. It takes a lot of hard work just to live nowadays. Honesty and hard work goes a long ways. Well, as you say that. Like, that's actually how I was going to plan on ending this.

Because my dad said it my entire life. If you work hard and you be honest, he you always told me you'll never have to worry about a job. And since I'm too stubborn to work for somebody, I've got to work for myself. I've just kind of added, you know, a set of just honesty and hard work.

Like you're never to worry about a job, like, you know, Zig Ziglar says his quote is, if you help enough people, you don't have to ever worry about money. You know, and, you know, that's that, that that goes right in line with, you know, work hard and, you know, be honest. Because once again, I don't think there's anybody can disagree that that's, two core values, two values in this world that you can't really argue with.

So, dad, I appreciate it. You know, I appreciate I'm, I'm trying to raise three kids, do the best I can. And I know how hard it is with with a wife. And not have to do it for years or part of your time by yourself. I don't know. I don't know how I would do it.

So, you know, one thing that I've, I've probably learned more in the last 3 to 4 years is, is I try to look back and just reflect and see where the hurt came from or the challenges came from, you know, from whoever is struggling, you know, and, you know, I've said it, you were you were pretty hard on us kids in the grand scheme of things.

Thankful you were. But, you know, I, I just look back and, you know, look back and realize how quick you had to grow up as a as a first grader, to help with the farm. And, you know, you didn't give up on those kids when you could have thrown your hands up like Nancy did, you know?

And, you know, you you persevered, you pushed through, and you know, and, you know, something else was, was was the generosity, but was always caring to like another another fun story about you is when we were coaching youth football, there's a you were unemployed and struggling to make all the ends meet. And there's a young boy that was playing on our team that his mom tried to move them to Shelbyville.

And you burnt your gas to go pick him up for practice, bring him to Rushville, drive him back to Shelbyville, and then drive back, you know, to Glenwood. So I just I just think we need more men that they want to love their families. That kind of want of that don't kind of but that do want to put to toe the line in the sand and say, come hell or water like, this is my responsibility.

So, I love you and I appreciate you.

I love you too.