The Embodied Leader - A Human Design Podcast

My love/hate relationship with labels

• Steph Russell • Season 1

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This episode delves into the complexities of embracing neurodivergent identities and the emotional journey that comes with various labels.

From navigating initial grief and confusion to finding empowerment through understanding and education, we explore the importance of self-acceptance and compassion in reshaping our relationships with these words.

• The emotional highs and lows following a neurodivergent diagnosis

• Challenges of defining 'disability' within our family context

• Understanding the significances of language and labels

• Exploring alternative education and parenting approaches

• Using human design as a tool for personal understanding

• The ongoing journey of acceptance and growth in neurodivergence.

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For details on The Rebel Parent Collective Membership - click here 


Speaker 1:

Oh, hello, hello, beautiful souls. So over the last 24 hours I have been sharing some insights on Instagram about being neurodivergent and that we are a neurodivergent family, and I felt like this was a really lovely time to just come on and record a podcast episode for you all and to share my personal journey on this love-hate relationship with labels. And firstly, I guess I wanted to really speak to the part of there's no wrong or right. I'm very much an advocate for for that we find and we do what is right and best for ourselves and for our families, and I guess our journey started with this when we had our well, when our son was diagnosed um many years ago now with autism, adhd and sensory processing disorder and what I very quickly realised, we had a private diagnosis first which was so detailed. Like it was pretty incredible when I step back and look at the process that we went through and the depths of it. But the realisation hit me very quickly after you go through the journey of you get the diagnosis but on a fundamental level, nothing actually changes. You still walk in and out with the same child and back then I was left with Well, what does that mean now? Like, what do we do? It doesn't change anything. And for me it very much felt like a grief process. For my husband it was like a celebration and he got so much validation and self-acceptance for himself because he then recognized that he too is autistic and um. So for him it was this incredible journey of knowing that all of these experiences that he was having and feeling when he was younger, growing up through through to adulthood, there wasn't anything wrong with him and actually it was that he is autistic. So for him it was a really great process. But, like I say, for us well, for me in particular, because I am the primary carer for both our children, my husband works it was like well, it doesn't actually change anything.

Speaker 1:

But I knew that from getting that diagnosis and from knowing what we had navigated as a family I think her son, from memory, was seven he's now 12 when he was diagnosed. Might've been just eight. Um, we'd been through a lot of experiences, right, we knew that things were, I would've said back then, like very different the experiences we were having, the behaviours that we were having to manage. And what happened before our son was diagnosed with autism is that one of his teachers had said I'm pretty sure he's dyslexic, and I still remember to the day having receiving that phone call from his teacher and just bursting into tears, because when you hear these words it's. It can be quite a shock and it can bring a lot of mixed feelings to the surface and you don't know what it means as a parent. And what does that now mean for them? How do we navigate it? What do we have to do? We want to go into rescuer mode, especially for me as a 5-1 in my human design, life's problem solver. How do I solve this problem? Um, and then it was only as we journeyed through them, thinking he was dyslexic, which he is dyslexic as well. But we were then like no, the more research I did and the more I educated myself, you saw that so many children got misdiagnosed with dyslexia when actually it was autism as well, and so that's really what got the ball rolling.

Speaker 1:

But this isn't really to go into depth about the autism, adhd, you know, sensory processing side of things. This is about exploring this love-hate relationship with labels. So I had the realisation on a fundamental level, nothing really changed. So I had the realization on a fundamental level, nothing really changed. And so I really struggled with the word and that term autism. I struggled with ADHD. I realized that everything you could look at, every behavior, every set, tell you you'll be shocked at how many there are, and for me, even that word disorder, like it's just got such a negative and low vibration and expression to it and a lot of people within the neurodivergent community and world. You know, if there's one thing we could drop, it would be that word disorder, um. And so I really struggled.

Speaker 1:

I struggled massively with the word disabled disability. I was like we're not, we're not a disabled family. I had a lot of emotion coming to the surface when we were working with a lot of um. We were working with a lot. We were working with a specific charity that are local to us, that were absolutely amazing and they were very much about you know, you need to tell him. And I was having all of this stuff come to the surface and at the time I had always been holistic, I'd been spiritual, but I hadn't had my real spiritual awakening. A lot of it had been suppressed and so I wasn't connected to that part of me. So we were very much still trying to go down the traditional route, but I was very quickly quickly realizing that the traditional route didn't work and didn't serve us.

Speaker 1:

And actually, when we are raising children that have uniquely wired brains but hang on, let's pause right there we all have uniquely wired brains, have uniquely wired brains, but when we are raising a child or parenting a child, we're trying to get them into these systems, these traditional school systems that don't support individuality. That's when you realize that traditional parenting, traditional education, all of these shoulds and how we think things could or would be, they don't actually work. We have to do things radically different. Our children, as neurodivergent children, need us to become the change they need in order to thrive. We're trying to fit these neurodivergent children into a very neurotypical world and I had this realization very quickly that I was not. We were going to have to do things differently.

Speaker 1:

At the same time, I was juggling this. I guess, like I say, this process of grief, that I was almost going through all these different emotions, all these feelings that were coming to the surface and I did not want to. I felt really triggered, really triggered by saying that we had, like, my son was autistic, by saying that he's got ADHD, that we're a disabled family. Someone said to me about applying for disability living allowance and I was like we're not a disabled family, we don't need that. But as the more I journeyed into it, the more I healed myself, the more I got curious, the more I educated myself the more I looked at these words, educated myself the more I looked at these words. Right, and that is what a label is.

Speaker 1:

A label is a word and it's what meaning we give to the words is how that then impacts our lives and our family's lives, and how it then plays out. And what I realized was that actually everything has a label. Everything in this world is labeled. Somebody at some point decided to look out of a window or wherever they might have been, and call something that's got a brown stump and green leaves a tree. So that is a label for what I just described. Everything is labeled. We label whether they're good, whether they're bad, whether the you know all these experiences that we have if the food tastes nice, and, and so that's been really what enabled me to move through this relationship with these words. Like I say, that's what they are Lab are, labels are words. It allowed me to get curious with the meaning that I was giving to these words and how actually, we can use everything as a form of self-awareness. We can use these words, we can use these descriptions of behaviors or characteristics. We can use them for the awareness that they are. We don't have to attach such a strong meaning to them. And this is your invitation. If you're listening to this and you've been on a similar journey, I'd love to hear your story and your experience.

Speaker 1:

But also recognize that if you are triggered, like I was, if there were emotions and when I talk about triggers, that's when someone says something or we do something Normally it's an external thing. Someone says something, whether that's an adult, a child, or an action is taken and you feel an emotional response within your body. You've been triggered. When we have these responses, this is your body's way of communicating. Those things are coming to the surface in order for you to work through, in order to, to, to release and to heal and to let go of them. That's your body's way of saying you're ready, and what I want you to do is turn towards these emotions rather than turn away, because that's the thing that we can end up doing, because we are, we're trying to protect ourselves. It doesn't feel comfortable, it doesn't feel familiar, so the brain's going to try and keep you safe, but actually growth happens in these challenges. We get to grow and rise and move through these experiences, having this connection to ourself and connect, connection to others and heal those relationships when we turn inwards. This is that invitation to turn inwards and get curious, and that's really for me.

Speaker 1:

Look where this like love hate relationship has has come from, and also knowing about my human design. So I've got an undefined g-Center, as do both my children and your G-Center in your human design. This is your sense of direction, your sense of identity, the home of love, connection to higher self. If yours is undefined or open, it's the diamond in the middle. When you look at your chart, it will be white chart, it will be white, and this means you don't have a fixed sense of identity or direction. It's not fixed, it's not meant to be consistent. As you evolve, so will your sense of identity, so will your sense of direction. It comes in ebbs and flows and that's how I was really able to use my human design to support me on this journey, because your human design is your holistic roadmap and it supported me with understanding and and having that clarity as to why I had that love-hate relationship with these labels, with these words, and I then realized it's because for me and for our kids they're not meant to have and we're not meant to have this fixed sense of identity or direction.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes I love really diving into the whole autism, adhd, sensory processing, pda. I love being in that, heavily in that neurodivergent world, cptsd. You know, neurodivergent, neurodivergent world, cptsd. You know neurodivergent. Neurodivergence is an umbrella term for a lot of different. What's the word? A lot of different diagnoses, a lot of different labels, a lot of different words. So it can be things like autism, which is now ASD, like autism which is now ASD, adhd could be OCD, anxiety, ptsd, dyslexia, dysphraxia there's lots of them. And so sometimes I love being in that world. Okay, and that's, this ebbs and this flows with this G-centre. And then other times I really pull back from it. But now I accept and I embrace. That's how I've come here to live out my path and my purpose. Right, it's not meant to be fixed and we can use everything as this awareness. And for us, with our undefined g-center, we don't want, and particularly with the gates that I have gate 10 is the only gate I have defined for my G center I don't want to be labeled. That's why I am not pursuing an ADHD diagnosis. It's self-diagnosed.

Speaker 1:

It was my husband that was the first person to say to me you do know that you've got ADHD, right? Um, he kept sending me all these things and all these reels from um Instagram and and I was like no, no, no, no, like he was the one that came up with the podcast name originally. It's not named that now, but three, three a's and a cat, because we didn't have a dog back then. So that was the three statistics and a cat. And then we were going to call it three a's, a cat and a witch, because, um, I've been called a witch before and I love that because which stands for wise woman, and now we are here with the embodied leader. So completely different. Um, and my husband has never once featured live on this podcast. He may do in the future, but not at the moment.

Speaker 1:

Um, and I guess also it's that confirmation, right with that evolution, with that undefined g-center, with living out your human design experiment, that as you, as you evolve, so does your path, and that there isn't this wrong or right and that actually, when you step back, everything is labeled. You get to use everything as awareness. You get to take everything with the high expression. That was one of the things that I found and I struggled with at the beginning is I found the neurodivergent world really heavy. It felt heavy. It felt in the low expression. It didn't make me feel expansive, it was contractive. It didn't feel great.

Speaker 1:

But then I realized, as I went on this self-discovering personal growth journey, that actually that's because I had work to do around the relationship that I had with these words and the meaning that I was giving to these words. This is why the Rebel Parent Collective membership was born, because when we heal the relationship with ourselves, we get to heal the relationship with other people as well. So when you are constantly being triggered as fuck by the people you love the most, that's when we're going to turn inwards right. We're bold and fearless women. We're flipping this script on parenting. We are rising, we are becoming the change our children and ourselves need to see so that we can navigate life with more ease, so that we can have more happiness and fulfillment as a family, so that we have the opportunity of thriving. And so I feel like I've gone round the houses with this audio, but I love that because I know that's actually what I'm here to do, and my husband always says to me as well that my daughter well, our daughter has PDA as externalized. Our son has internalized PDA, and that he says you know your PDA as well.

Speaker 1:

But I can see everything through human design. When you've got a lot of individual circuitry within your human design, you don't like being told what to do. You need that freedom and flexibility. You want to go out there and live life and have these experiences on your own terms. And then also from human design when we look at the arrows. And then also from human design when we look at the arrows, dependent on which way yours or your children's arrows point. I've got two arrows pointing right and two arrows pointing left, but if you have any arrows facing right, this is your energy, showing you that you are designed for this freedom, this flexibility, to have this flow and fluidity around how you show up. It's not as fixed and consistent. And again, this is why I'm so passionate about not just knowing your human design but actually embodying it, actually being in your experiment. It actually being in your experiment, being in a space where you can be held and seen as you journey through this lifelong experiment. And that's the other thing.

Speaker 1:

When we talk about healing, there is no end destination. It is ongoing. And it's ongoing because of how much we are on a subconscious level. Every time you step up a level, there'll be another layer to shift. Something else will come to the surface. So every time your child moves into their next level of development, or they hit puberty, or they hit a new phase in their life, let me tell you it will bring new stuff to the surface in you. This is ongoing work. Right, there's not an end button, and I think that's also really important is to lean into that and to explore everything from a place of love, from a place of curiosity. I use the 3C framework within the Rebel Parent Collective Curiosity, compassion, connection, get curious.

Speaker 1:

Get curious with how your kids are behaving, get curious with what's coming to the surface in you. Look at things from a place of compassion. This is why education is so important, because it enables you to move to a place of compassion. And then, from this connection connection to yourself, connection to your truth, connection to what your family is navigating, recognizing what's coming in from external shoulds or societal expectations. When we're talking about being neurodivergent, that's what it means. It means that your brain and or your body at some point has diverged outside of societal expectations or norms. There's nothing wrong with you, there's nothing wrong with any of us, and human design is the science of differentiation. It's rooted in our genetics, it's rooted in our DNA and it brings together your personality, which is why it forms this incredible holistic roadmap and this guide. And hello, yes, it is your child's user manual.

Speaker 1:

And it's not always easy. That's one thing I want to finish this podcast episode with. This is not for the faint hearted. This journey, this journey when we are rising, growing, evolving, when we are having this radical acceptance and and taking doing things radically different right, it's not always easy, it's not as comfortable because you're breaking from outside of these norms, but let me tell you, it'll be the best thing you've ever done. It is the best gift you can give to yourself and to your children, and I've got full body goose pimples. I can feel the emotion coming to the surface. So I'm going to close here today for this episode. I am sending you so much love and thank you so much for listening. Thank you.