0:01
Welcome to Detoxing from The Matrix Podcast, formerly known as Soulbriety, where we talk all things awakening, ascension, consciousness, and the recovery of self, soul, and spirit from being strung out on the greatest drug of all the external matrix. This podcast is a place for illuminating conversations that will take you from divided to divine, into purpose and suffering to sovereignty, while we detox the fuck out of your mind, body, and soul from all those limited programs of separation, struggle, scarcity, and pain. I'm your host, Lindsey Carracardi, and this podcast is for all the rebel souls who seek to live deeply, authentically, and fully expressed as the divine badasses you are. 1s Note this episode was originally recorded when it was Sobriety Podcast and has been added here to Detoxing from The Matrix. Due to copyright issues on the name Sobriety, I have no affiliation with the trademark Sobriety brand or method. 2s Welcome, everybody. Hello, divine badasses. Once again, it's Lindsay here, spiritual practitioner and coach, new Thought Minister, and Doctor of Divinity in training. I am a teacher, a speaker, and a twice published author. And welcome to another Divine Download of Soulbriety podcast, where on today's episode, we are talking about being triggered as fuck. Okay? So let's break this down. Today. I'm super excited because this is a super fun conversation for me because I love triggers, okay? I love being triggered because being triggered shows me where my blind spots are. Being triggered shows me where I'm still giving my power away. So I really want to start things off here with a story, and I want to take you back to this moment where about seven years ago now, okay? And there I was, right? I was driving down the streets of Long Beach, California, where I lived at the time, and I was just on another endless search for parking. Downtown Long Beach. Parking was a mess. You guys know how it is. You come home after work and you're circling, you're circling, you're circling, and 40 minutes have gone by and you're still looking for a parking spot, right? And it was going on Twilight. So it was starting to get, you know, harder and harder to see, harder and harder to watch for those potential open spots that I needed to swoop in and grab before somebody else did. And I was just hoping for that spot to open up, that I could squeeze my little Honda Civic into. It had been a long day. I was tired, and I really just wanted to get in the house. I wanted to relax after a really annoying day at my job, which was a Monday through Friday job, and it was turning into a grind. It was a job I was working at that had started off cool and was turning into a soul sucking grind. So in short, for me, at that moment of my life, it was not feeling super expansive. 2s And so as I'm driving down from the park, heading towards my apartment, and I'm looking at the flowering trees and I notice there's this car riding my ass, right? And he is riding right close to my bumper, like so obnoxiously close. And I'm rolling along and I'm going under the speed limit because like I said, I'm looking for parking. And as I'm driving, right, I'm looking into the rear view mirror and I'm kind of glaring at him and I'm shooting him daggers through my rear view mirror as though he can see me. And I'm muttering under my breath and I'm just getting more and more pissed as I look around for parking. But now I'm looking around for parking, and I'm also splitting that between glaring back at him and I'm huffing and I'm puffing, and I'm getting more and more pissed as he continues to ride my ass, right? And then the next thing I know, I'm kind of muttering insults at him under my breath and I'm just stoking this fire of my anchor, right? Every insult I could think of, just muttering and throwing logs on the fire. And I pretty much end it at this point where I'm just calling this guy under my breath an inconsiderate asshole and saying, why does he think he can just push me down the the street and bullying me to go faster? I'm not going to go faster. He can't make me go faster, right? And this is all the stuff I'm saying to myself. And so by the third block, I had had enough. By the third block, I was burning up on the inside. 2s So the next thing I know, I slam on my brakes. And before I even know what I'm doing, I slam on my brakes, I jump out of my car, and I'm walking towards this guy's car, and I'm yelling, and I'm just cursing him off. And I'm just unleashing all of this fire from within me onto this guy, and I'm just screaming at him, I'm pissed. I'm pissed. 2s And so I need this say. He kind of looks at me, looks like maybe for a second he might kind of get out of his car and kind of yell back. And then I guess he thinks more of it, and he just goes on his way. Kind of looks, yells something inconsequential out the window, drives away, and off he goes. Now, needless to say, right, this was not my gold standard moment of behavior. This is not my best behavior. But I'm curious. How many of you have found yourself in those moments where 1s you just reacted before you even know what you're doing, right before you even knew what you were doing? You were bursting into tears or yelling out or just getting dragged into some reaction that you were like, what the hell was that even about? 2s Right? So in my defense, it was a full moon, and I'm a scorpio moon, and that's my case, and I'm sticking to it. Now, that's a joke, but really, the truth is that this was way before I had emotional sovereignty in my life. This was way before I had spiritual recovery. This was way before I did my trauma work, and I really reset my nervous system. And I was still living I was about a year sober, maybe slightly over a year, maybe about 14 months over 16 months sober. 1s And so I was physically sober. Right? On last week's episode on pain, we talked about the kind of layers of recovery, the layers of sobriety, and I wasn't yet into my soul, sobriety, right? I wasn't yet spiritually recovered. I hadn't recovered my nervous system and my mind and all of my emotions. So I was still very reactive. And this was because I was living in a fight or flight reaction. I was still living in survival, right? I was still carrying a lot of unhealed rage, a lot of unhealth pain, and I really loved to throw second darts, because second darts gave me a justification. And don't worry if you're sitting there saying, lindsay, you have no idea what a second dart is, I am about to tell you because, of course, I want to give you all of the information. So second dart is a term coined from Rick Hanson, who is a doctor and author who wrote the practical neuroscience of Buddha's brain. Buddha's brain is the book. And so Dr. Hansen in that tells us he talks about first starts, which are unpleasant, to be sure, right? But then we add our reactions to the first dart, and so the reaction we add is the second dart. 3s The second dart is this reaction. So, for me, the story that I shared with you, right? The first dart was the guy getting on my butt on my ass, on the car, right? Because yes, let's be real. It's a little bit obnoxious, right? And it's it's distracting, and it can feel aggressive. However, I was then the one who put all of the meaning. I was the one who started the throwing the second darts when I was cursing him off under my breath, when I was making it mean that he was inconsiderate. I was the one making it mean that he didn't care. And he was trying to bully me, and he was trying to push me and forced me to go faster. And I have no idea what was going on in that guy's mind or car. He could have not even been fully aware that I was in front of him. He could have been in a rush, but could have been a thousand reasons why this guy was riding my ass. And I have no idea what they were. But in that moment, I was so caught off by my reaction, by my fight or flight, that when he started riding my ass, I immediately went into second darts. 1s So second Darts are the meanings, the reactions, right? And what Dr. Hansen tells us is that second Darts often trigger more second darts through associative neural networks. So that's what happens for me, right? It was the associate neural networks of my neural patterns, my neural pathways that had been established to feel like like the world was constantly picking on me. The world was constantly trying to push me around. Men aren't safe. Look at what this person is doing to me. Look at what life is doing to me. Whoa, is me. I'm being picked on. Help. Help. I need help. Right? These were all the neural networks that I had been living under. And so there I was in this moment where this person was riding my ass, and all of this stuff got triggered. Okay, so he also goes on to tell us that, remarkably, most of our Second Dart reactions occur when there is, in fact, no first start anywhere to be found, when there's actually no pain inherent in the conditions we're reacting to. We literally add suffering to our experiences. 2s Right? We literally add suffering. And when we add the suffering, dr. Hansen goes on to tell us that the suffering will cascade through our body via the sympathetic nervous system and the hypothalamic pituitary adrenal axis, which is also known as the HPAA, and it's part of your endocrine hormonal system, 2s all become so intertwined. So Dr. Hanson just describes it as one system. And don't get caught up in the names and the initials, right? If you take any understanding, take this understanding that what happens is something happens outside of us. We have a reaction to it. Our reaction is the second dart. We start telling stories. We start stoking fires. We start feeding narratives. These narratives, these feelings, these patterns that we're stoking are running through our established neural networks, neural pathways in our brain, which then stimulates our nervous system and our endocrine hormonal system, which then brings up this whole reaction of, like, there's a threat, and now I have to keep myself safe. Right? This is essentially, in a nutshell, physiologically, what is going on when someone is, quote, unquote, what we love, we use as, like, a buzzword. Right? Now, when someone is triggered, quote, unquote, triggered, this is what is going on. Right? So triggered isn't just a buzzword for someone having an emotional reaction or being upset, right? Yes, the emotional reaction is there. But please begin to understand that there's, like, a whole system of neural pathways and chemical response and hormonal response that is firing up because it's familiar, it's well worn. It's literally a well oiled machine that you have established for yourself that you know how to operate in. Okay. This is so fascinating, right? Because when we can begin to understand because if you've ever had the experience. 2s Of trying to talk to someone who is quote unquote triggered, or someone trying to talk to you when you're quote unquote triggered, right? Like, how many times have someone told you to calm down when you were pissed the fuck off? They say, calm down, and it's like adding another fuel to the fire, right? Calm down. Call you want me to calm down, right? And I laugh because this was me when I was dealing with my anger, right? This was me before I cleared out my nervous system and I healed my trauma and I got into my soul recovery work, okay? So it's funny to me now, but please understand that when I was getting dragged around by it, and I'm sure for many of you that may still be finding yourselves in these reactive loops, it's not super funny when we're in it, right? Because it can feel really disempowering and it can feel like a really big point of judgment for ourselves. I used to really beat myself up, especially once I was sober and I was practicing yoga and I was practicing meditation and I was studying Buddhism and I was doing all of these readings, and I would still go into these reactions, and I would judge myself because there was, like, this idea out there that I had picked up that because I did yoga, I was, like, supposed to be calm all the time, right? Or because I was have spiritual practice, I was supposed to just be calm all the time. And that just wasn't me. And I couldn't understand 2s why I wasn't calm all the time because I really wanted to be I really wanted to be less reactive, but I would judge myself, and I would beat myself up for it. And then it just became another point for self criticism and self judgment and making myself wrong, right? And think about what goes on there where we make ourselves wrong and we're being really critical and harsh on ourselves on the inside, right? We're making ourselves wrong. That is going to be the very fuel that we then need to distract ourselves from. So guess what then happens? Something happened to outside. We then have a reason to get mad. We have a reason to get upset. We have a reason to then project our upset emotions out into the world instead of taking responsibility for them, right? Because if we cannot take responsibility for our own experience, then we can never free ourselves from it. So my mentor, Dr. Aaron, dr. Ern Haskell, who is a doctor of divinity, she talks about how when we are 1s the same power well, and this is part of universal lawsuit that the same power that we bind ourselves with is the same power that we free and liberate ourselves with. 2s And from her book Awakening, which is a 40 day guide which you can totally grab a free digital copy of down in the comment or in the text below this podcast episode, I'm going to leave the link for a free copy of Dr. Aaron's 40 Day Awakening Guide. She writes that your body becomes the victim of your stressful mind, your limited thinking, your set ways, your expectations, emotions, and your misplaced. Values and emotions can cause havoc on every organ of your body, making your blood pressure rise and planting cancerous seeds. You can blame others speak of broken promises, expectations, victim stories, but the reality is that nothing can cause stress except the way you think. To take responsibility and respond in a positive manner, no matter what occurs in life, is a sure measure of how awakened someone is. This does not mean you keep putting your hands back into a flame that keeps burning you, or stay in any circumstance where negative reactions are inevitable. This means you make positive choices and create a life where you can stay in serenity no matter what. 1s And this is where 1s we have to begin to take emotional responsibility. We have to claim emotional sovereignty for ourselves, because if we don't, we'll just continue to make excuses. We'll just continue to make justifications for why we're behaving the way we are. Sure, I could have yelled at that guy and then justified. Why? I have every right to get you. There's tons of justification. You shouldn't be doing that. That's wrong, that's aggressive. I have trauma. I was abused by a man. I don't trust my rate. There's a thousand reasons why you can always find a justification for why something has happened outside of yourself, but it will continue to disempower you. Oh, I had a long day, so I was tired, and I yelled at you. Oh, I did this. No, you guys. Justifications service some of the most disempowering messages that we can send ourselves because justifications assign power outside of ourselves. 2s Outside of ourselves. 1s And the only way to true spiritual sovereignty is to 1s assign responsibility and power inside of ourselves, right? But we can't do that until we've broken through 1s these neural pathways, these ingrained chemical and nervous system and hormonal responses that we just spoke of, right? So when you think about someone who's triggered and they are in the full reaction and you're trying to talk to them and there is just no getting through that's because that's not the time to try to bring a message of a different way of seeing things, right? That can't happen until the upset itself is cleared out, until the emotions are moved out. So, for example, for my clients, for example, if we're doing a session and maybe that day we wanted to do trauma work or we wanted to get into some stuff around their business, but they come in and they're all flared up and fired up and actively upset. Well, there's a whole process that we can do to move that upset out because until that upset is moved out, we can't actually get anywhere, right? Because that upset is this reaction that's taking over not just our emotions, but it's actually being proven that it's running through our brain in the neural pathway, it's running through our hormones. This becomes a system. And the thing is, the more we do it, it almost becomes like an addiction. It becomes a subconscious program in itself, right? So for example, those second darts, if those second darts that I'm throwing, maybe me feel powerful. I'm basically telling my subconscious mind that that's the type of thing I need to feel powerful. So guess what that does is for my power as a creator, for my power as a creator of my reality, that's telling my subconscious mind that that's the pattern I like to create from. Okay, yeah, keep giving me stuff so I can react because then I can feel powerful. And all I'm really looking for is power. 2s And this is how we get our needs met in an inverted and destructive way. Because if we don't clear all the stuff out, if we don't reset the pathways, if we don't clear out the nervous system, if we don't reset those hormonal systems and release ourselves from these patterns, we're going to continue. We're going to continue. And so the first step to releasing yourself from any of this, noticing you're triggered and beginning to observe what is really going on here, what am I even upset about? What didn't happen the way I thought it should? Where were my expectations not met? Where am I feeling disappointment? What am I actually upset about? What am I actually triggered about? Right? So coming back to my story of the guy tailgating me, it's like if I had had these tools then, and I could have sat there and looked at, well, what am I actually upset about? It would have been first. That right. I was tired. So right then and there, my life isn't aligning with my values because I have no freedom. I'm grinding away at a nine to five that's wearing on me. I'm not happy. I live in the city where I have to circle around and look for parking. That doesn't feel super. That doesn't feel super liberating. Right? That's not super authentic to who I am and how I want to live my life. And then here comes this guy, whatever he's got going on, and he's riding my ass because I haven't healed my trauma. It's like I feel like he is. 3s Bullying me, pushing me, trying to get me to do it, right? So there's the power. There's the power, but it's not necessarily right. The truth of the situation is not necessarily that he was trying to push me around. That's the way I perceived it, because that's where I was at in consciousness, because of the patterns and the stories and the beliefs that I held, right? That I held. You guys, this is how we create our realities. This is how, when we are triggered and right now in the world, you can just watch people getting triggered all day long, and they are unwilling to look at why they're actually upset. They don't have the tools, right? So these tools need to be out there. That's why this is a whole chapter in Dr. Aaron's Awakening book. So I am going to include that link in today's podcast episode. You can go grab a free copy of that and really work through it day by day, because there's some powerful, powerful processes and stuff in there. But for starters, we have to begin to even be able to recognize, okay, I'm really upset what's going on here. And that's how we start to take emotional responsibility, emotional sovereignty, because, yes, it's the easy road to feel really upset and, oh, well, it's because of the traffic. It's because of that guy over there. It's because you did this, because they did that, because the government, it's because blah. It's because this because it's all bullshit. It's not because any of that. It's because you are the insider telling yourself a story. You're having a reaction. You're living an identity that is having a reaction to what is happening, and you feel out of control, and you feel powerless. 1s So the first step is becoming aware and then beginning to choose, beginning to observe, beginning to decide that you want to live another way. Claim the responsibility for yourself. Take charge responsibility, sovereignty over your emotions. Then you can begin to observe what is happening. Then you can begin to unravel them. And then you can begin to go deeper into the work. And when you are ready, you know where to go. If you know where to go, come and join between us. New thought. Global Newshought Recovery. Come and work with me privately. Keep watching the podcast. Come to my free trainings. 1s You're not here by accident, right? You're not here by accident. Your triggers are not a bad thing. Triggers are there to show you where you are living in a limited identity. They are there to show you where you're buying into a lie about yourself, about the world, and where you're giving away your power. So what I know to be true right here, right now, is that you are already powerful beyond measure. You can't escape it. It's who you are. It's what you are. You are God made manifest. You have all of the power in the entire cosmos at your disposal, backing you, waiting for you to consciously direct it. But you can't access it until you remember who you are. So in this moment, right here, right now, I just declare remembering, I declare an awakening. I declare the unraveling, the revealing, the healing. I declare the calling forth of the truth of your power awakening in every cell, in the deepest layers of your being right here, right now. And I say thank you for that knowing. Thank you for your awakening. Thank you. As I see you stepping out into to your power, living your life aligned sovereign, knowing that you are the creator of your reality, I say thank you. Thank you. Thank you. As I release this up, knowing it is done. Declaring it is done. Knowing my word is law. 1s And just knowing the truth for you. And so it is, my friends, I thank you as always for joining us today. Thank you for joining me on Tillbriety. Thank you for joining in these illuminating conversations. Until next time. I'll see you on the socials. Much love. 1s Hey, divine badass. Thanks again for tuning in and being here on Detoxing from The Matrix, where we talk all things awakening, ascension, consciousness and the recovery of self, soul and spirit from being strung out on the greatest drug of all, the external Matrix. If you know someone who would benefit from our illuminating conversations, please don't hesitate to share this podcast with a friend. And if you loved this episode or the podcast as a whole, don't forget to leave a review. It really helps spread the message and expand the collective. Don't hesitate to connect with me over on The Socials. You can find me all over the place at I am Lins Karakardi. I've really been having a blast over on TikTok with some great content and conversations. You can also find me on IG or in my Facebook community, The MoneyMatrix Detox. Be sure to check out the links below in the description for all the connections on social media, other ways we can connect, some free gifts and resources that will support your own awakening ascension, as well as ways that we can work together.