We are BACK for Season 2 and couldn't be more excited! Let's jump back into life. As the chaos of life swirls around us, we're standing firm in the eye of the storm, sharing our personal journeys of parenting young adults during their transition to independence. Remember the mix of exhilaration and fear when you got your first job? Join us as we relive that experience with my 16-year-old daughter and explore the vital lessons of financial independence this rite of passage brings.
How safe do you feel when your young adults venture out into the world? We're tackling this significant concern head-on, discussing the importance of setting safety expectations and establishing a safety code word - especially as our kids navigate post-high school. No stone will be left unturned as we dive deep into the complexities of communication, safety, and the nuanced dance of letting go while still holding on.
Excitement is brewing as we introduce our new Fireside Chats - a platform for those who often go unheard. We're breaking down barriers and sparking crucial conversations to voice the unspoken. Plus, we're continuing the story of our father and connecting with family members we wouldn't usually spend time with. So buckle up and journey with us through this enlightening and empowering season, where every conversation is an opportunity for growth, understanding, and connection.
And here are some resources to help you navigate:
Guide to Tough Talks with Teens
IG LIVE - sending your kiddo to college
Accountability Recipe
Reach out to us at dumpsterdivejj@gmail.com
Be sure to LIKE, SHARE, AND FOLLOW/SUBSCRIBE!
AND go find us on YOUTUBE too!
PLEASE READ CAREFULLY
These Terms and Conditions apply to your use of Dumpster Diving with Janice and Jane Podcast. Your use of the Podcast is governed by these Terms and Conditions. If you do not agree with these Terms and Conditions, please do not access the Podcast.
See FULL Terms and Conditions Here.
We are BACK for Season 2 and couldn't be more excited! Let's jump back into life. As the chaos of life swirls around us, we're standing firm in the eye of the storm, sharing our personal journeys of parenting young adults during their transition to independence. Remember the mix of exhilaration and fear when you got your first job? Join us as we relive that experience with my 16-year-old daughter and explore the vital lessons of financial independence this rite of passage brings.
How safe do you feel when your young adults venture out into the world? We're tackling this significant concern head-on, discussing the importance of setting safety expectations and establishing a safety code word - especially as our kids navigate post-high school. No stone will be left unturned as we dive deep into the complexities of communication, safety, and the nuanced dance of letting go while still holding on.
Excitement is brewing as we introduce our new Fireside Chats - a platform for those who often go unheard. We're breaking down barriers and sparking crucial conversations to voice the unspoken. Plus, we're continuing the story of our father and connecting with family members we wouldn't usually spend time with. So buckle up and journey with us through this enlightening and empowering season, where every conversation is an opportunity for growth, understanding, and connection.
And here are some resources to help you navigate:
Guide to Tough Talks with Teens
IG LIVE - sending your kiddo to college
Accountability Recipe
Reach out to us at dumpsterdivejj@gmail.com
Be sure to LIKE, SHARE, AND FOLLOW/SUBSCRIBE!
AND go find us on YOUTUBE too!
PLEASE READ CAREFULLY
These Terms and Conditions apply to your use of Dumpster Diving with Janice and Jane Podcast. Your use of the Podcast is governed by these Terms and Conditions. If you do not agree with these Terms and Conditions, please do not access the Podcast.
See FULL Terms and Conditions Here.
We are back for season, back to reality and Jane, and we are back for season.
Speaker 2:Numero dose.
Speaker 1:I am fully loaded right now.
Speaker 2:We have given them almost six full weeks to listen to the rest of season one.
Speaker 1:I have faith in our listeners that they are going to grow and share and do all the things.
Speaker 2:We are so excited. We are going to give you a little bit of a glimpse of what we have coming for you this season.
Speaker 1:We have a lot of different transitions going on in our household. We have a lot of new people in our household. We have a lot of new people in our household. We have a lot of new people in our household.
Speaker 2:We have a lot of new people in our household.
Speaker 1:We have a lot of new people in our household we have a lot of new people in our household. We have a lot of new people in our household.
Speaker 2:We have a lot of new people in our household.
Speaker 1:We have a lot of new people in our household. We have a lot of new people in our household.
Speaker 2:We have a lot of new people in our household.
Speaker 1:We have a lot of new people in our household.
Speaker 2:We have a lot of new people in our household. We have a lot of new people in our household. We have a lot of new people in our household. We have a lot of new people in our household. Great, now it's all over with and it's time to start school people.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:I'm to start school. Yes, yes, she's For us to start school Exactly, and you are. I'm actually really excited. So we, you and I are both in the same positions, right, like most people listening can relate. We have, I have a 16 year old our last child, who is starting her junior year. We have our four year old granddaughter starting preschool and you have your two youngest who are tell us what grades.
Speaker 1:Well, Chase is going into community college. So she just graduated high school. Freshman year, baby Yep. And then Jenny is starting eighth grade, so she has five more years of public school and and then she's off to wherever she wants to be off to.
Speaker 2:What's important is she survived seventh grade, and that's my mantra Girl can survive seventh grade.
Speaker 1:She can survive anything. Seventh grade blue big time, I think, for every girl.
Speaker 2:Oh, for almost every single girl. It blows. There's just no death, that's it. It just blows. So, yes, I love it that she survived, and eighth grade is going to be a breeze and then she'll be off to the wonderful world of high school. It's exciting. So how are you adjusting to having a college age child now in the home? And what is that? How's that changed your dynamics and what's going to go on there?
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, I've, I mean you know this about me I'm I'm pretty open with my kids and talk to them about everything, and they have quite a bit of freedom, you know, and, and so, because it's about trust with them, you know and, and and they know that, and so I trust my kids and unless they start doing stuff that, you know, takes that trust away, and then we have to rebuild. But but no, so Chase, like, really does her own thing. She has a work, she, she's with her friends, she's home, you know, and, but she's, you know, she's excited, and she's at the fair right now, the little county fair, and with her friends, yeah, cause she starts school tomorrow, and so so it's cool and you know. But the schedule is a little different now, but she did get a job with the schools, so she's going to be there pretty much all day Thursday, yeah, and then she's keeping her other job, which is awesome, and so yeah, and so she's just going to keep busy with that.
Speaker 1:Our one challenge is that she's not driving yet, and, and you know, we, I had to do Some things, and so I wasn't able to give her the car that I wanted her to, so we had to make some adjustments and so it's going to be a little tough with schedules and stuff. But with Devin being here, he's already said that he would help with, you know, up and drop off and stuff, because her school is about, you know, 15 minutes away on the freeway. So, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, there's a lot of adjusting and, you know, luckily I have, I have Devin and Shoko here and they can help out until I can, until we can secure a car for, you know, december, and so that's kind of our timeline for right now and and we're just working it out, you know, yeah, so we're just helping each other out. It takes a tribe, you know.
Speaker 2:Frickin tribe and I love that you're. You know, my guess is all of the I'm going to say, moms, the dads too, but we obviously relate more to the moms that are out there listening to you talk and they're probably saying what I are thinking, exactly what I'm thinking, and that is man, she's covering up a lot of stress and shit, and what I mean by that is you're like, so we're adjusting and we're going to and that's what we do, right, that's exactly what we do as moms, like, oh, we're going to do it when the reality of what that actually looks like is very complex and very stressful and oh, so I just want to like know that, that I know that you're going to get get while you're doing it and I think
Speaker 1:like oh yeah, don't let my high fool you, literally for high.
Speaker 2:She needs to. You know, everything's fine, everything's fine, and this is why POT has to be legal. So that we can deal with the Frickin stress right.
Speaker 1:So so I know you're covering a lot there, but and it's- funny because you mentioned Chase.
Speaker 2:I love that Chase has another job. I keep you know with Joe and I have this conversation a lot like with our young adult children that, like you know, when we from the. You know I had my first job when I was 12, right, and by the time I went to college I had disassociated from my family and so it was just me. So I I feel like there's only been a small window of time in my life when I have not worked two jobs right and I literally like even when I was a high school principal I was an adjunct professor right For a university I have almost never only worked one job, and at that age, from like 18 to 25, it was I don't even know how many hours a week.
Speaker 2:Two to three jobs like as much money as I could make right To survive, so I love that she has that second job.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and she I mean she she likes money, you know, and she likes money and she also likes she's very creative, you know, and and all those things, and she works at Michael's right now, and so every day she comes home with a bag and I'm like, do you?
Speaker 2:Oh my.
Speaker 1:God Make money or do you, did you?
Speaker 2:just spend your paycheck.
Speaker 1:Yeah, did you? You know what's going on?
Speaker 1:Oh no, this is all on sale, mom Look and I'm like you know so, but she's very creative and she's always making something for her friends, like she loves baking and stuff.
Speaker 1:So the fact that she spends a majority of her money on stuff to be able to give to other people, I'm like, okay, you know it's very sweet language, you know that's her language, and she, she makes us cupcakes all the time, yeah, stuff like that. She just likes doing those types of things and so I love that for her, you know, and she doesn't really need money right now, but with, you know, a pending car, you know, and I want to be able to pay for the car, which I'm going to do, but then you know she's going to have to pay insurance and and and gas and all of those things, and so you know that's going to be adulting 101 for her, and and so the fact that she's driven and wants to get another job because she knows that's coming makes me happy, and the convenience of being at the school and and stuff like that, and her current job is to help her with that, they like immediately. Like we want to hire you, you know so.
Speaker 2:If you get that first job, the veteran she's had hers for a hot minute. And and honestly, like we're. So our youngest just got her first job. She's a greeter at a restaurant here in the area and and that's a part of kind of like the launch plan that I have formulating as an online course in my head for parents that one day I'm going to make a reality, but it's an idea that it's not about them getting a job at 16 because they need it.
Speaker 1:Right.
Speaker 2:If they don't need it. That's something to be super grateful about. It's about, like, using that as the beginning of the experience that they start to have in terms of developing who they'll be as a professional and as an adult. But also, like you know, camey, of course, our youngest, was, you know, just awestruck when she well, when she got her first paycheck, it was only for like a couple of days and she's like who the hell is FICA? But, like all of us, at first paycheck, right, but, but you know her, her second paycheck was much bigger because it's a summer and she's working a lot, and and so, you know, we basically are saying all of it goes into savings, except one little piece, right, that she can use to spend, because for now she has a 16 year old brain.
Speaker 2:It's not developed enough to say sure, you figure out how you should spend your money, right, and so, and and to your point, what our kids know is that you know we don't buy our kids cars. So they, none of them have owned a car before they graduated high school. But then, as soon as they're graduating high school, they're buying a car and they're paying for their own insurance. We will pay for their insurance from you know, 16 to graduation, but after that and so if you're going to go to college, yeah, you got to have some a chunk of change in the bank it's saved in order to pay all that stuff. Right, while you're in college.
Speaker 2:Right, and I love that she's working while she's going to school, because I do think a lot of parents and I get it, I respect the heck out of this kind of approach of like they're going to have their whole lives to work. They don't need to do that now. But my thought about that is okay, true statement, don't get me wrong. However, part of how you figure out what you do and don't want to do is by having some of those initial jobs, right, and and part of how you begin to you I can't remember the expression you just used, but I loved it. So it's all right, but it's already gone. But how she starts to learn to adult, right, you can't learn to adult if you're being handed stuff until you're 22 years old, right, they have to baby step it.
Speaker 1:So I love, I love, love, love that she's doing all that, yeah, and I agree with you, know the whole not buying a car and stuff like that, but you know I I get into the situation. I've never done that for one of my children and I really don't want to. But you know it's me overcompensating for for the other parent.
Speaker 1:We're not alone, Making promises that they couldn't keep, and so now I'm like F but. But it's also. But it's also a benefit to me because she will help with her little sister. You know, it's a little different, it's almost like you're it's almost like you're buying a second car.
Speaker 2:That she gets to use because she was helping out with you know what I mean. Like, that's a little bit different and I think that that makes a lot of sense. And don't get me wrong, like our kids have always known plenty of kids whose parents just buy the car and it's fine. Again, like every parent, every family, do you like? It's all good, I just, we just have our own approach. And point right, it really is about like if you're not mature enough to have some fiscal responsibility for it, you're not mature enough to be driving it around full time, like you own the place Right.
Speaker 2:So, so, so. So, with all of that in mind, that's a great kind of transition to what we know all the parents out there are doing right now right, everybody's prepping to get back to school. On my parent coaching side, I just did a live video that I'm sure everybody listened to, right, right, everybody did, okay, and in the whole world, billions of people in the earth. But it really was about, like, as parents who are sending a kid off to college for the first time, right, and it was really designed for my kids going away for the first time, although there's some application to even in a case like Chase, where she's going to be home, in terms of, like, what do I have to be thinking about to ensure that we both get our needs met? Right, because there's, you know, especially when they leave for college, but even when they're at home, it's the I'm 18 and I'm adult.
Speaker 2:Now, what are the? What are the boundaries if I'm living at home versus when I'm not living at home? And I kind of created some big buckets. One was communication, one was organization, like how you help them organize, one was the kind of importance of the social but also safety angle, and then a bunch of like miscellaneous stuff that I that I shared. So I thought maybe we could talk a little bit about a couple of those things, like how you guys are thinking about that in terms of Chase now being a young adult in the home, right, not a child, if you will, in the home, and I suspect it's going to be a little different because, like you said, there's a lot of trust and kind of freedom if you will. It sounds like that you already give. So what are you guys thinking about in terms of the adjustments?
Speaker 1:The adjustments. You know for us, no-transcript. You know she really does have a lot of freedom because I do trust her and so and she communicates with me. That's something that I've instilled with both of them, or all of my kids really is that communication is key, you know, and I'm never going to assume the worst. You know I'm going to always assume the best, but I need to know if the worst is going on. You know, and make sure that you're communicating that.
Speaker 1:But with Chase, you know she's a good kid and we discuss everything and she is very communicative when it comes to safety and stuff like that, and so it's all about just making sure that they're prepared. You know she has her mace, she has her. You know she has her phone, she has all the things you know and she is working on and I'm helping her with this being more aware of her surroundings, because there's, you know, our kids have their face on their phone and stuff like that. I mean they walk out into the middle of a street half the time and out looking. So that's one of the big things that I help her with is making sure to be aware of her surroundings.
Speaker 1:Look at that person. What do you think what you know, do you get a weird vibe? Blah, blah, blah. You know if there's ever somebody that's in that. You know, in that realm and I've been around because I have a very good sixth sense for that kind of stuff and and I mean, just just a couple of weeks ago there was a. There was a, I think you know. Oh, we, when we, when we talked before, you know, our sister in law, yeah, our sister in law, shoko, was at the local Ross and she was getting followed by two males in the Ross and they were trying to trap her in aisle and stuff like that. And so she got out and left and called Devin and told him and so I said, you know, you need to call the police you know, I mean, it could be a sex trafficking thing.
Speaker 1:It could be something, you know. I don't know what could be worse than that, but you know, whatever. And there's young girls. I said Chase is out there with her friends right now and I don't know exactly where they are. So, you know, they called the cops. And then, 10 minutes later, there's two police helicopters circling the town and so I'm like, okay, either they're looking for them or or this is just coincidental. I immediately sent a message to Chase and said where are you? She's like the movies. I'm like, okay, here's what happened. Make sure that you're on the lookout. And she's like okay, I will. Thanks, mom, you know. And I could have just sat there and go oh, she's going to be fine, you know. But we don't know, they're five miles away, or across the country, or across the world. You know, having that communication, that open communication, and just knowing that I'm not being overbearing, I'm just giving you a heads up, like, hey, you know, and take it seriously, and just be like oh, mom, you're just being ridiculous. No, this is serious, you know.
Speaker 2:I love that you're connecting honestly, jane, the safety and the communication piece right, because lots of times when I coach parents around how they like, lots of times when, when I'm coaching parents around the transition to after high school in this case, college, right, a big part of the angst that they feel is like my kid doesn't text my kid, my kid doesn't respond to me, my, when I text my kid doesn't call, my kid doesn't. And, of course, what you and I both know is that you got to back that up because that's a pattern that you've established. Right, this isn't just about going away, but unfortunately, you're likely experiencing the result of what you've created over time. Right, so you got to back it all up. But even in a situation where that's what you've created, right, what going going into that adulthood phase, that first year out of high school is a good time to regroup and say and be able to say, okay, maybe before we haven't done it this way, but now, moving forward, I need us to be able to do it this way. I need us to have regular communication. What can that look like? And you, it's almost like you have to kind of co-create it together because they are young adults, right. Right, if you've raised your kids with a do it because I said so mentality which of course you have not, but certainly plenty of parents do when they turn 18, you get the smack in the face of well, guess what? You're not the adult, only adult, anymore. Right, now I actually have a legal right to do it, whatever the hell I want, right. And so really now you have to kind of back that up, but assuming that all along you've created a different relationship than that with your kids.
Speaker 2:It's still important to really just talk about what are the expectations going to be if you live at home or if you go away to school. Right, and come some consensus around. What works for both of you, right Versus, this is what I want or I need, but what will work for both of us to ensure we're safe? And I hate to say it, but it sucks to have to say it. But to your point really acknowledging the fact that the world we live in is not particularly safe. And I don't care what neighborhood you live in, I don't care what part of the state or country you live in, the world we live in is not particularly safe. And, yes, we're going to do a whole fireside chat, which we'll talk about here in a minute, in terms of what's coming this season around the movie, the sound of freedom and this idea of human trafficking and all the safety and stuff that goes with that.
Speaker 2:But for now I'll say that even with that, it's an, even a reminder that, like, it's not even good enough to have a text right and some, in some way shape or form, you kind of have to have like some kind of code with your kid that says, if you send me a text that says, hey, I'm going to go stay the weekend with so and so, so don't be worried, if you don't hear from me, you need to include the code word. So I know you're actually sending that text, because that's the bullshit that happens, right In terms of like, when people get grabbed. But so, so, combining, like for parents, thinking about, how do you, how will you co design and kind of co agree on? What will the communication look like when we drop you off at college? And now you're doing your thing right how are we going to agree? What are we going to agree to?
Speaker 2:And along those lines, like you're saying with our kids and again, it's true, it's sad, but it's true, especially our young women, how we build in those extra safety measures right, and I'll say, in addition to what you said about Chase, the one thing that I add is, obviously, that what I'll say is are the givens, but not everybody thinks about it or does it. You should always be in a pack. In a pack, rather, there should always be somebody who's designated to be the person who's on watch Every time you go out. You have to take turns doing that and when you feel unsafe, make a fucking scene.
Speaker 2:I don't care where you are, I don't care who's around, I don't care how embarrassing it feels, make a fucking scene, because what we know is that predators are looking for easy targets, yeah, and the moment you start making a scene, they're going to most of them, right. Most of them are going to back up and go someplace else. So that's honestly one of my biggest safety tips for parents, for their kids, as they're going away.
Speaker 1:No, that's great and that's huge because, you're right, the predators are looking for quiet, easy prey and not somebody that's squawking, that's for sure. But as we were talking about and you said it setting expectations with the kids and resetting them. Sometimes I know this through my coaching, that sometimes people have a hard time even setting expectations and holding people accountable. So I actually, as you were talking, I was like, oh doi, I'll bring up my tool. So I actually have like an accountability recipe, you know recipe for accountability, and if you don't mind, I'll just run through it real quick and we can also add it to the notes and stuff in the notes. But it's good and you can use it in any situation. I use it for a lot of business coaching and stuff like that, when we're taking on new processes and procedures or getting the group input, stuff like that. But this is something that I've been using for many, many years and it's really awesome. If you follow it and really do it, it works.
Speaker 1:So there's five, there's six steps to it. So the first step is identify who's involved. So we're going to identify the key players and their roles. So if we're talking about the parent, you know the parent and the child going to college. So the parent's role is to protect the child's role is to communicate to the parent and make sure. Okay, those are our roles in this situation. Great. So then number two is you're just going to set mutually agreed upon and clear goals. Right, what is, what is the goal of this? It's to keep you alive, kid, you know. It's. It's to keep you above ground, happy, thriving and learning and doing all of these things. Right, that's the end goal. And to get you back home for the holidays and keep you know, rinse and repeat, Right. So, but what is the goal of the child, you know? Or? Or the new college? Maybe their goal is to have some more independence?
Speaker 2:That's right, you know, so so to sides.
Speaker 1:It's not just you must answer to me, it's. But I understand you're an adult. So what would you like out of this, out of this agreement? You know how about, hey mom, like you know, I'm not going to be a parent. Don't bug me if I don't text you back within 15 minutes. You know, like an hour I'm maybe doing something or whatever. Then if I don't text you back in an hour, you can mad dog, call me. All right, cool, here's mutually agreed upon, clear goals, you know like. This is what we want. Then identify capabilities, right, and and back you tracking to the goals. You have to have the overall goal, the individual goals, but then also a timeline goal, you know? And? And how long is this going to last? Until you're feeling comfortable, or or whatever, the piece may be right, cause they don't expect this to last forever, right, but if you're not setting that up front, mom might be thinking, or dad might be thinking, this is lasting forever and the kid might be thinking Three months is long enough, I don't need this anymore, right?
Speaker 2:But let me not but, and let me interject there. So we're talking about you're running through this tool with general communication and how frequently, etc. In mine, but tag on to that Along the goal piece. That's what, that's what we think about this chain, what is like you know, as your kids are heading into college, if that's what they're doing next, thinking about goals in terms of what are agreed upon, goals in terms of grades or expectations around what you're gonna Do. You have to inform me and all the stuff. Yeah, right.
Speaker 1:You will. You, you can use this formula on every set of expectations. Yeah, works every scenario? Yep, then step number three is identifying capabilities. There's, there's, there's, three little questions what will cause me to fail? What training is required and what tools do we need? Yep, you know, are we asking the right person to do the job? Right? If we're asking somebody that has zero knowledge about what we're asking them to do and we put them in that spot, guess what they're going to fail.
Speaker 1:That's right and we're doing. We're setting them up for failure at the very beginning. If we're not asking ourselves what do they have the proper tools? Do they need any training and are they equipped? Then you know we're we're missing the boat. That's right. Identify capabilities. Number four is track and measure. What and why are we tracking and what are we tracking?
Speaker 2:We need to make sure that we're tracking whatever it is, but and how often I'm assuming right like when do we agree, we're doing that Right.
Speaker 1:How is it being tracked and what are we comparing it to? Right, you know so, and I mean, if this is communication with mom and dad, I mean tracking. I mean, I guess, if they're fucking up, you know, and you're like, hey, look, here's all the, here's all the missed calls you have from me, right, there's your tracking, right, but you know, whatever it is, step number five is consistent, focused and formal feedback. How often are we meeting and what are we discussing? You have to have an agenda and say, hey, we're sitting down to talk about this. This is what I want to talk about. What would you like to talk about? Okay, do we have enough time to talk about both? All right, let's, let's get going, you know, and make sure to make it make it happen.
Speaker 1:And then, finally, outcomes. So there, there's three different types of outcomes. There's rewards for, you know, reward appropriately or whatever, you know. The second one is help where, if, if, if something failed, you know, let's go back through one through five and see where we, where we miss something, because More than likely it's in steps one through five, right, so then, where do we need to go get help? And then the third is position adjustment or consequences if you would? You know like what? What would be the end consequence If this doesn't go this way and and the wheels fall off and we come back and we're doing formal feedback and we're making sure that we're holding each other accountable and giving each other grace, and then it just continues to happen.
Speaker 2:We need to have a sequence here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, right well, and I wonder about and I love that, I love the whole thing, and you're making me think about two things, right, because I feel like Part of what you can build in there. And again, we're talking specifically about communication with your kid and getting them to communicate with you, which Tends to be the hardship that parents present with right and, honestly, one of the strategies, and I feel like it could be built in there I'd have to see the six steps in front of me again to to think about the best place for where. But one of the strategies, frankly, that I suggest the parents to use is Do one to others, right, in other words, building in to say listen.
Speaker 2:If we're agreeing through this, this accountability structure or or framework, if we're agreeing that you know when we text each other, you're going to respond within 24 hours, or whatever it is, then the same is true for me. So you text me and you have a question or you want something, I'm going to respond to you, and the same timeline you respond to me. So if you want to answer in five minutes, I'm going to need an answer in five minutes. If you are good with waiting 24 hours, great, then we're going to wait 24 hours. But that whole idea of like it's mutual right it goes back and forth, can be built into something like that to help Codify it. So it's, it's both like and it almost kind of comes back to your point about the, the end result, that outcome, part of the reward, is you get a response from me as quick as you want.
Speaker 1:Because you did this, you gave me the same Exactly yeah, and you built it in in the goals because the goals are all about, you know, both sides wanting something from the situation. That's what it is. So it's. You know, individual goals, whatever it's, the group goal, family goal, whatever it is, you know that kind of collective communication Exactly, are we going to do this?
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it's honestly that goes for. I mean, we're talking about your kids going away to call or going to college, but that goes for anything, right, because a number of times, like we've all, as parents, right, got in a text from our kid and they're asking a question and we don't answer it right away. In five minutes later we get the same text in all caps, right, and that's an immediate uh, yeah, I will get to you. When I get to you, respond to my part, like okay, so that's not going to work out for us, but again, it's that it's, it's empowering when you kind of say, no, no, it's okay, I'm gonna, we're gonna respond accordingly. So I like that idea of, like the group community, like the, the goals we're setting are for both sides, right, it's not just what we're gonna do, is what we are gonna do. I love that. So, and and along those you know lines of communications and I mentioned it really quickly is this idea of, like you know, when your kid moves beyond high school, if they're in a school setting, then they're, they're going to class, they're earning grades, etc. And lots of times that's where the pushback comes from too, and and again, a lot of this has to do with what you've done up until this point with your kiddos, but what I coach parents around is this idea that, listen, assuming you are supporting this endeavor in some way, it might be only emotional support, it might be you have a roof to live under when you come home, it might be that we're helping pay for it. Whatever it is, that's again kind of a contract type of thing, right, like if we're helping support, of course, it would be expected that we then know how you're performing, right and coming to, and I love the, the framework you just gave in terms of coming to some agreements about what we expect and what happens if we don't meet the expectations, what happens when we do, how often we communicate, etc. So all of those things I think are are super, super important.
Speaker 2:The other thing that I'll Mention along these lines and then you know anything that you want to add in terms of what parents should be thinking about, jane is um, I under the, under the heading of organization, right? So as a, as a high school principal, every single fall we would have our graduates come back, because they all you know, they come to home coming and they do that whole thing and so and you know, it's funny how, fall of their freshman year they want to come back to the high school and just check it out and see what's what. And you know what have you? You never see them again after that. But, um, but that first and and and Un, you know completely, like you could. It was like clockwork every single fall.
Speaker 2:The biggest piece of consistent Response I got to how are things going? Right was a struggle with time management. Right, because from the moment they're old enough to walk around and go to dance class to the moment they graduate high school, somebody is managing their time right through their activities, through their whatever, and so it's amazing how a kid can perform Really well when they know this is the only 90 minute window I have tonight to do homework. So I really don't have a choice. That's when I'm doing my homework.
Speaker 2:Right translate that to college, where you know chase is probably taking four, three, four, five classes, but that's still really only amounts to probably 15 hours a week in class. You got to figure out how to structure on your own right and you have to develop routines to actually get the things done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, you know, fortunately, chase is my child and she better or worse?
Speaker 1:Yes, for better or for worse, forever amen. She, she is so good at managing her time and she's time to everything. And and she learned that from me because I was like a drill sergeant when she was little and I'm like we got to go, let's go, let's go like I had a single mom of three kids, you know, and then and then a fourth and you know, and just, it was always schedule, schedule, schedule. We got to go, and so she learned that If she just learned to get ready and be ready, you know, and it also helped the year that we lived With our friends and I had all these buses set up for them everywhere and you know, like it's fine, it's fine, you know, it's fine.
Speaker 1:I am the master maneuver person when it comes to getting rides and stuff like that. I work my magic. But anyways, she was responsible for getting Jenny up and so she would take her shower, get ready, make sure that Jenny got up, and they were out the door by 6 30 in the morning, you know, because I was already at work at 4 30. Yeah, she's always been really good about managing her time. She gets mad at me now, like if I'm like okay, yep, we can leave in a couple minutes and I'm like one minute behind. She's like, oh, you know, like she's, she's on top of it, so I know she'll be fine.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 1:That came with a lot of training, that's right and my accident, which did not happen by now. Her younger sister, jenny Holy hell, that girl can drag her feet and take forever and I'm like, but that's because Chase did it for her. You know, now, since Chase is gonna have a different schedule and stuff, jenny's gonna have to, you know, pick up the slack. So there's gonna be a learning curve, I know well and it's always.
Speaker 2:It's about incentives, right, because it's funny you say that, because with six kids, they've all had different ways of approaching this. But our 23 year old is the one who I would say is there. All the girls in general tend to be a little bit more organized, a little bit the whole thing, but the 23 year old is the one who I would say was, you know, it's most routine oriented, like, has all of her little systems down and her highlighters and her stickies and all the things for the scheduling and all those kinds of things. The youngest one is a little bit more Lazy, fair about life, etc. But again, the job has been so important for her because we basically established Ten minutes early is on time. So we are not driving you to work if you're not arriving ten minutes early, which means we have to leave our house at this time before your shift and if you're not ready to go you might have to call in sick.
Speaker 2:So sorry, let us know that works out and it's amazing how that incentive of I don't want to have to call in sick and I want to earn that money now, all of them like she's great, she's right there on time in the moment that we said and boom, right, it's, it's, it's off, we go to the races. So you know, it's all about how you frame it. And again, what is it? What are those incentives Right? What are the things that you know they're gonna act for? And here's what they don't act for, because you said so, right, as the parent. That's, that's not an incentive at all. We want to think it is, but it certainly is not. It's so.
Speaker 2:So that crap what I'm looking at time. All right, let's think about, let's say a deep breath. So we've talked a lot about. We talked about our summer, we talked about some things that are gonna be transitioning this fall and how parents can Be thinking about supporting their kids. In the chat or in the description, I've already said I want to put your Accountability recipe. I'm gonna put my teen talk guide in there, because that's just like the whole how, how to have tough conversations, and I'll put a link to the live video that I did that goes into detail about some other things in terms of your kid transitioning to college. But let's talk about now, like more than ever. This is a time I feel like for parents, especially moms, to take a deep breath and like okay, in the next couple of months, as all the Things are getting underway, how am I gonna take care of myself, jane? How are you gonna take care of yourself in the next couple of months, friend?
Speaker 1:Oh, my goodness. Well, um, I have some trips planned, so that's nice. And, yeah, I'm gonna be up in Wisconsin for a week. Oh nice, your friend, yeah, and then a very good friend, and and.
Speaker 2:You know what? We're not gonna go into this, but that was a bit of a tone if people can see your face. Okay, Wisconsin with quote fingers Wisconsin okay.
Speaker 1:Anyways, you made me blush, janice, okay um love it. Um what else the things?
Speaker 2:Take some time for yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's, that's a big one. Um, we, um. I Feel like I was playing a game with my Wisconsin friend and we were. We had these little cards and though there were just like they're like questions that you ask each other, you know to get into each other, and one of the questions was is when where you overlooked, you know, or what is overlooked in your life, and and you know, I, uh, I thought about that and I was like, oh, you know, I kind of overlooked myself. I forget, you know, I forget how much time I spend on everybody else and not enough time on me and and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Hold on. Does that sound familiar to any of our listeners? Anyone raise your hand right now? Okay, go ahead. I just wanted to.
Speaker 1:I mean it's very rare, it's very rare. I mean, it's just, it's just Like it's just really my problem and you guys just really don't understand. Holy shit, are you kidding me? I think every adult overlooks themselves at. So no, so I, um no, I have some trips planned. You know, we're gonna see you on this weekend and I'm yeah, and we're gonna go hang out a little bit. And oh, we didn't talk about our fireside chats.
Speaker 2:Well, that's next. The final thing is to talk about yeah sorry, oh my god could you just Stop yelling at me. I sent the plan you like, never so follow it please.
Speaker 1:You know what. You were fucking late, okay, so miss.
Speaker 2:I'm 10 minutes they wouldn't have known that, you hadn't said that well, you shouldn't have said. It was a really good start talking shit to me.
Speaker 1:Okay, all right, fine, fine, anyways, yeah, so, um, trips, and then just really really just focusing on one thing at work right now, which is I can't wait, and so I'll be able to Distress a little bit from that. So, yeah, there's, there's definitely some changes going on there, so I'm very excited about that and that allows me to work capacity for our stuff, maybe start doing some lives or tick-tock lives and stuff like that, do some fun shit and together, you know, and that would be a lot of fun. So that's what I'm hoping for.
Speaker 2:I love it and I you know it's, it's. I feel like I've got a little bit of a lull for the next couple months, but and by that I mean like not on the road as much with work oh, just trying to take that opportunity to like Be present here at home and, you know, focus on whatever's in front of me, versus trying my mind is constantly going to all the things Also unrelatable to our audience, right, and so I'm just trying to like be present for the thing that's right in front of me. And Joe and I have a trip to Columbia. I have a cousin who's getting married in, so we're going to Columbia and we extended this trip by a few days because we literally never travel on Our. Oh, we've taken a few in ten years, we've taken a few like three-day trips by ourselves, but this will be literally the first time we've spent, you know, a trip, we've taken a trip away and had that much time together. So, and it's the first time I feel like we've, it is the first time we've traveled internationally since he got out of the Navy, so it's yeah, so we're looking forward to that.
Speaker 2:So I think you know, for the folks who are listening, I think that you know, if you take nothing away from this initial episode this season and we'll be we'll talk a lot about all the self-care things right, we that's a part of a common conversation but just be really thinking about how you're intentional about Yourself over the next couple of months. As you get all the people off to school, as you do all the things for all the people you know, without carving out that time and that focus for you. In the end you do a detriment right both to yourself and others because you're not taking care of yourself. So let's talk about the season yeah.
Speaker 2:I'm in up. So you mentioned fireside touch. You want to tell people about those?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so you know, we, During our episodes, there are some topics that we haven't really touched on, just because they are very sensitive.
Speaker 1:And you know, we there's been plenty of things that we could have talked about, and not that we're steering away from it, but we wanted to have time to think about how we want to tackle those topics and so what we've decided is is that we're going to keep our episodes, our episodes, you know, and having our Doxy family episodes and then our just you know, guests and stuff like that and hitting topics along the way, but we want to do fires, fireside chats, so those are going to be sprinkled in between episodes as bonus episodes and and it will be Janice and I and a guest, maybe, maybe not, you know, just depend maybe into a family member, maybe, you know, a little topic, big topic, old topic, new topic, whatever it is, whether it's on social media or the news or whatever it is, or if it's just something that you know we thought about during the week or whatever it is, and and we want to bring in experts here and there and have those open conversations.
Speaker 1:I mean, we're obviously very open and transparent with the way that we talk about things, but there's some things that are very sensitive and we want to make sure that we get out our thoughts but also, you know, have that space to to think them out out loud and talk about it.
Speaker 2:And the only thing I'll add to that is, you know, as Jane and I have talked about the purpose of the fireside chats, all the things that you just said, and not what I'll add is they're going to be. It's going to be the conversations that might piss some people off right, like we're really very careful in these episodes to not tackle things that are too political, for example, or to whatever. But at the end of the day, we also have a responsibility, as our platform grows and our audience grows, to be a voice for people who don't otherwise have a voice. And we both have some some, some things that you know, some experiences that we can build off, of, that we can share, etc. And so, yes, those fireside chats are going to be your kind of.
Speaker 2:There should be a bell that goes off in your head when you see that. Come up and know that we're not going to be ultra sensitive and we're not going to be ultra screening. We're really going to say what we feel and we believe, and you may agree with us. Wonderful and you might not. Also wonderful, by the way, because we are about creating conversations that invite people in, not shut people out, and so, but the fireside chats are going to be where we don't shy away, right, and yet we're going to have the quote unquote safety zone of our regular episodes, where you know we're going to be ourselves because we always bring you authentic cells but also, you know, be a little more PC, right, and those regular episodes. So yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, right, yeah, and I think that it's. It's also a space for us to learn about each other, because it is more of a an open forum to an almost you know. Yes, you can respond to it, but what was your reaction and why? Yes?
Speaker 2:exactly.
Speaker 1:That's what we want to talk about is what was your initial reaction? You know what initially went through you before you had time to think what, what, what do what feelings came up? What did you say? What did you do? You know because so many times, and, and, and to be transparent with that, and then, and then go, but this is how I, this is how I'm responding now.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:How much it angered me and this is what I felt like I wanted to do. But this is how I responded. So you're going to hear that, that, those raw nerves, and you're going to hear that reactionary aspect, and those are emotions Because it's triggered, because it's something that you know you're just sick and tired of hearing or seeing or whatever the case may be. So it is going to be a little bit more. You know, risk a or whatever you want to call it.
Speaker 1:I love that you use the word raw and I think that's a little bit more raw and and you know, but we're, we're still going to be respectful. You know, and like that, you know it's nothing like it's just. You know we are coaches and so we are expected to be on all the time. Yep, that's exhausting, Yep, and we're incapable of being on all the time, even though people have those expectations for us.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:So the fireside chats? I don't even know why I just didn't say this at the beginning. The fireside chats are our, our space to be human.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:Why did I just say that? The beginning? My God, it was about time.
Speaker 2:I'm like I'm thinking myself. If you would only say this the weeds were long enough, god. So that's that, you guys, and we have a few episodes queued up. The only thing I'm going to add to the season is that and Jane already alluded to it we are going to be continuing the doxy story. You know, we we started out strong with the doxy story.
Speaker 2:We backed off of it a little bit, not really intentionally, but also kind of in our own off camera, off recording conversations, just not sure like how much more do people really want to hear? But this summer we had a couple of opportunities to have some conversations with folks and realize no people actually are really intrigued by that, mostly because all of us have our family shit and so it's somebody else's family shit. So we're going to bring you intermittently throughout the course of the season, continued conversations, one we already have queued up with one of our uncles who neither one of us have really spent any well. We've never spent any time. Jane had some childhood that she kind of remembers through pictures, experiences meeting him really for the first time, queued up and and really get digging even deeper into the dynamics of the man who is our father, who brought us together, for better or for worse. So, yeah, we're going to bring you some of that too.
Speaker 2:So that's what you can expect this season, but we are just so thrilled that you're here listening right now. Obviously, we need you, need you need you to like and follow and subscribe and share, share, do all the things. Our audience doesn't grow unless you help us grow it. So we thank you for listening to this conversation, for sharing the conversation with others, and I saw a meme on social media the other day that was something to the fact of. It literally doesn't cost you a dime to press share, right, it doesn't cost you a single dime. And so why not do that for the people, especially in your life, who are just going down roads like we are, where we're just kind of taking a risk and seeing what happens? So, and and if you do that, then you go have preferential treatment at our shows when we go on the road. So there, you are welcome.
Speaker 2:you're welcome, all right, you guys. And yeah, peace Bye.