Episode 19: A Glimpse into the Doxy Family Dumpster: A Candid Conversation with Uncle Kim

Get ready for a deep dive into the Doxy family history as we sit down with Uncle Kim, the brother of our late father Kurt Doxy. Brace yourself for an emotional rollercoaster and join us as we unpack three decades of Kurt's life, as seen through Kim's eyes, and navigate the intriguing family dynamics that shaped our shared past. From our father's military escapades to the million-dollar debt that turned their world upside down, this episode is packed with revelations about the Doxy family life.

As we traverse the timeline of the Doxy family, we'll have Kim lead us through the impactful moments of Kurt's journey. Hear firsthand about Kurt's exciting time in the Air Force, his stint in Alaska, and eventually his ventures in the Golden State. Kim provides a raw and honest account of the highs and lows of our shared family history, shedding light on the complex relationships, shared adventures, and the seismic shift in their lives brought on by unexpected financial challenges.

In the grand finale, we explore the more personal aspects of the Doxy family saga, including Kurt's journey to Silicon Valley, his health struggles, and the effect these had on the family dynamics. Kim's reflections will ultimately guide us to a deeper understanding of the value of recognizing the potential stories that are yet to be written within our family. This episode is not just a recollection of the past but a testament to the resilient spirit of the Doxy family and our shared journey into the future. Join us and get to know our family history like never before!

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

We can get this commentary.

Speaker 2: 0:04

It's great, it's actually great. How ridiculous can be we.

Speaker 1: 0:08

Yeah, how old is he trying to use Zoom right now?

Speaker 2: 0:11

I know we know nothing about him, so we can only make assumptions right now. Kim, in all seriousness, if you can hear us for some reason you're on mute and off camera Send us a chat and let us know what's up in the chat box, and then we'll know what to do while we wait.

Speaker 1: 0:32

If you can hear us, blink twice in your non-existing camera. Ha, ha, ha ha.

Speaker 2: 0:36

Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha ha, Shut your mouth with the talking to us. You know what. Would you please respect your elders, Jane, how many times are you talking about this?

Speaker 1: 0:48

I'm trying, I'm trying. He's a list of the podcast and if he hasn't, he's in deep trouble.

Speaker 2: 0:54

If he hasn't, he's in deep trouble and he deserves whatever he gets right now, because, right, he's forearmed. Somebody important said that sometime, I don't remember who. Maybe you should text him. All right, I will message him, because I think I did. I just shared my cell phone, but I don't have his yet, so let me go in there. Hi, we see you here, but no camera and Maybe you're knocking, but you can't come in.

Speaker 2: 1:29

That's right. That's right. That's right. All right, let's see what he says. I guess it's possible that he logged in and then walked away.

Speaker 1: 1:41

Maybe because Could be, I was doing storytime.

Speaker 2: 1:46

True, that's very true. That would scare anybody, any, and everybody would be scared by that. Yeah, this is very exciting.

Speaker 1: 1:58

Look at this air plant of mine.

Speaker 3: 2:00

There we go. How about now? Hey, hey, hey.

Speaker 2: 2:04

There you are, ta-da. Now we can hear you?

Speaker 3: 2:09

How are you Not bad Hanging in there. So far Good.

Speaker 2: 2:15

Good. So, just so you know, we I never actually got confirmation from Bruce. So I'm thinking we're thinking we might just go ahead with you and then have another conversation with Bruce, because if for some reason, he just hasn't been tracking our message string, then he messaged me separately when he realized he had missed something and he was like is it too late? I was like no, this is what we're doing, this is the link, this is all the information. But then he never responded to that. So I don't want to have you text him right now, for example, and him scrambling Well, that's Bruce, that's Bruce. Yeah, I'm glad we're recording right now actually. Yeah, we're doing a trash talk. We got to.

Speaker 1: 2:55

We'll have a sizzle reel on Facebook later today, right, hey?

Speaker 3: 3:00

Hey, I can trash talk Bruce. Yeah, well, it's still. You're not right. But if you want to get him to do something like this, you need to call him on the phone and to him in person and say we're going to do this in five minutes, and then he might be able to do it. Because if you say five days from now, oh, ok, ok, that's good to know, all right, so we'll come back to it.

Speaker 2: 3:26

This actually works out quite well for us, kim, because we can have we have a great conversation with you today and then, before this airs and he hears it, we can have the same conversation with him and then we can compare your answers and see it's like the dating game from back in the day, right, and we'll see if you Except for the whole family drama and we're stirring the shitpot. Exactly.

Speaker 1: 3:51

Exactly.

Speaker 2: 3:53

So, Kim, we're technically we're recording right now, but we're going to Just a second. We're going to do our official opening. Before we do that, what we're thinking about in this first conversation and just getting to know you and all the things is, Once we do the intro, I'll kind of start a timer on my end, so we'll be an hour or so. So we're not going to talk about all the things. We can't possibly get all caught up in the whole world of Kim and the Doxy family in an hour. But so we thought we would start with, if it's okay with you, just kind of are doing the quick intros among us and then we're going to really maybe focus this first episode on some things about our dad, about Kurt, from your perspective, right Like.

Speaker 2: 4:39

We've had lots of conversations about what our experiences have been. Of course I've had no experiences with the Doxy family. You're lucky I'm turning my video off, by the way, my Wi-Fi just got wonky. So we're super curious about what was going on in the rest not all the details, but from your lens as a brother, how much you were aware of what you experienced in terms of your brother Kurt's adventures, if you will, across three decades. So again. We don't know how far we're going to get, but that's going to be where we start, if that's okay, and then we'll come to a natural close when we can, in an hour or so, and then we'll pick up if there's a future conversation, if you don't hate us after, Okay, All right.

Speaker 3: 5:30

Whatever?

Speaker 2: 5:31

Whatever, I like it, I like it. So, jane, do you want to? Well, let me, I'll start the music. Right, I've got the music, so I'll start the music and then give it like 10 seconds maybe, and then you can start the opening.

Speaker 1: 5:43

Okay, okay, sounds good. Okay, here we go, let's see what's together as we walk.

Speaker 2: 5:54

I lied, hold on. I want to back it up to, the Hold on. I'll tell you again Up almost. And here we go.

Speaker 1: 6:07

That's it. There you go. You're listening to Dumpster Diving with Janice and Jane, and we have a special guest this week, or this episode. I should say it's our good old Uncle Kim. Welcome, Uncle Kim.

Speaker 2: 6:26

Welcome Welcome.

Speaker 3: 6:28

Well, thank you very much.

Speaker 2: 6:31

Now for context, jane. Let's set it up really quickly for everybody else. For context, this is my very first time ever meeting and talking with our father's brother, and is that true for you too? Or have you met Kim before, jane?

Speaker 1: 6:45

Oh, no, yeah, actually the only time I don't remember ever meeting you, kim, when I was a child. But I may have, but I don't remember. But the first and only time that I've been in Kim's presence is at Grandma's Funeral in Washington DC.

Speaker 2: 7:03

Oh, wow, okay, and how?

Speaker 1: 7:04

long ago was that? That was in 2009.

Speaker 3: 7:10

Yeah, Okay, so it's been a minute. Yeah, we had run into each other when you were living in Key West that brief time, and I swung through town for one reason or another I forget what it was and I met you guys then.

Speaker 1: 7:26

Yeah, and I think I remember that because it was right around the same time as Bruce showed up, because I remember him taking Jason to Universal Studios and it was a summertime-ish and it was like we were too little and I remember briefly maybe meeting you, but it wasn't, it didn't stick. But I remember meeting Bruce and Lynn.

Speaker 3: 7:46

Yeah, it was there on your grandmother's back porch one afternoon.

Speaker 1: 7:54

Yeah, oh, you know what I remember seeing a photo now. I remember because you were walking behind Jason and they took a picture and I remember that now. So, yeah, I do remember that, yeah.

Speaker 3: 8:04

Okay, yeah.

Speaker 2: 8:05

So this will be a random tangent, but everybody's used to that now. So you said, jane, just now, oh my gosh, I remember seeing a photo. And now I remember you were walking behind Jason and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And I just heard this great bit by a comedian who was talking about the difference between the photos of our parents and what our kids are going to experience. And so it's the same thing, jane, you're going to be able to show to your dollars. Look at this picture. And that's who this is. And this is your uncle, a great uncle in their case. Kim and we were all in Key West and blah, blah, blah. Our kids, 20 years from now, are going to be like look at this photo of this dinner that I ate. Oh wait, here's a photo of me standing by myself. Take a picture of my cell. The great storytelling is over.

Speaker 3: 8:50

Because my kids will also get by the way.

Speaker 2: 8:52

Oh, and here's a picture of our cat and here's a picture of our other cat. Yeah, it's going to be great, it's great Anyway. Anyway, I'm back, I'm back, all right. So, kim, position yourself, if you would please, for our listeners. And what I mean by that is like we know we have early on, in early episodes, you know, said okay, the Doxy family and the sons and the, but you know, not everybody remembers every word we say, which is hard to imagine, but evidently that's true. So position yourself in terms of like the Doxy family and where you fell in the order of birth and where you reside now, and just kind of some brief intro stuff.

Speaker 3: 9:28

Yeah, all right, I was tailing Charlie. As far as the boys go, kurt was the eldest. He was born in 42. Bruce was next and he was born in 44. Then came Jan, and he was in 47. And I came along in 49. And then 14, 15 years later we adopted Sabrina while we were living in Hawaii.

Speaker 2: 9:55

Okay, okay.

Speaker 3: 9:58

And now? So you want me to go from there to where I am now.

Speaker 2: 10:01

Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 3: 10:03

Okay, I'm now retired retired and that's a full time job, if you haven't figured that out yet and you don't get a day off. There's no holidays, there's no weekends.

Speaker 3: 10:20

And there are no weekends, nothing. So I'm living in Tallahassee right now. My wife died back in 09. Matter of fact, grandma and my wife died about three days apart from each other, so that we got to have one funeral. That was made it nice and easy for that, but so that was in 09. And other than that, what have I been doing here? As little as possible.

Speaker 2: 10:53

I love that we can all aspire to a retirement that actually involves doing as little as possible. My husband is retired Navy and he works for Navy contractors now, and so he keeps asking that question like how did I retire? But yeah, I have a full time job and I'm like babe, just, you know, just keep going, you're fine, go with it, it's all good, it's all good.

Speaker 3: 11:17

When I retired from the Air Force they still had that law in place that if you were an officer you would lose half of your retirement pay if you went to work for the government.

Speaker 2: 11:31

Are you kidding?

Speaker 3: 11:33

No, I'm not kidding you. Yeah, and so I started down and looked at a couple of jobs that I was interested in and qualified for and I said, huh, I'm going to have to take a large amount of cut in my pay, my retirement pay, so they're not paying me enough to do that.

Speaker 2: 11:51

Give up the free money in order to work for other money. That makes zero sense. I can imagine how so you've been retired for how long.

Speaker 3: 12:00

Since 94. So, coming up on 30 years.

Speaker 2: 12:03

Oh, okay, you are not allowed to meet my husband because you will be a bad influence, so we're just going to keep you away from each other for a little while. I'll let you know, maybe like 10, 15 years from now, then you can have a conversation, but for now we're going to keep you. So you have three children too, right? Go ahead. Sorry, kim. Yeah, you have three kids yourself, right.

Speaker 3: 12:28

Correct.

Speaker 2: 12:28

Okay, so run them down for us.

Speaker 3: 12:31

Okay, michelle is the eldest and she is what? 52 now and she's living in just outside of Albuquerque. She's got two kids and two grandkids. So I have two great grandkids Three, excuse me, I have three great grandkids, that's right. I'm sorry to keep track of that. And then Monica is living up just outside of Springfield, massachusetts, and she works for the VA. Oh, shelly works from her place in Albuquerque. She works in Washington DC remotely, which is kind of cool. Yeah, you can walk around in your fuzzy slippers all day long. Oh, yeah, and Eric is how old is he? Pretty old, 46, 47, something like that. He's living, he and his family are living in Spokane, washington, oh, wow, and they have two kids up there. Oh, and Monica has two kids.

Speaker 2: 13:38

And you said Monica is up in the Northeast.

Speaker 3: 13:41

Right Springfield Mass.

Speaker 2: 13:42

That's right, okay, okay. So I am actually, then, the same age as Shelly, because I'm 52. So we were born somehow close to each other. Okay, she was born in 1971. Yeah, me too, yep.

Speaker 3: 13:56

Okay.

Speaker 2: 13:57

Yeah, yeah, okay, that's helpful. So, and you know, once upon a time, when we first, when I first met Dylan back last fall it's almost been a year now you know, you may have seen it right, he worked out the whole like as much as he knows, based on 23andMe and family history and stuff like the whole timeline of Kurt, if you will right. So what we know is that he had children spanning three decades yeah, something like that. Amazing, right, and so so I want to. So it's helpful for me to hear you share again among the siblings, the Doxy siblings, where you fall, and then your own family, because they're just when I think about the vastness of the number of people, right, and I've met, obviously, jane and I and Devin, and, and we met, I met Sarah, I had a chance to meet Sarah last fall and, of course, I've met Jane's youngest kids. So that's kind of the scope.

Speaker 2: 14:56

I'm following a lot of people on Facebook now and connected that way, but haven't, aside from you and Bruce who've reached out so kindly, haven't, you know, had specific kinds of conversations or communications with folks? And honestly, for me it's about, like, you know, if and when people would like to do that, then they'll let me know, right, and I don't say that isn't like, oh, you have to approach me first. I'm not 16 in high school, but more of a. I know for myself, at least my own, you know. Understanding is like I know I'm assuming from the family perspective it was tough to keep track of all of Kurt's children and we want to hear from you about that.

Speaker 2: 15:32

But to my knowledge I was completely unknown until Dylan made the connection with my one of my daughters on 23 and me. So I just feel like there's this whole, like I don't want to, I don't want to upset anybody, right? So that's kind of how I've been taking it. And of course I'm sorry, dina, of course, of course, of course. Sorry, dina, sorry, if you're listening, sorry, I didn't mean to forget you?

Speaker 3: 15:51

Yes, I've met.

Speaker 2: 15:52

Dina a couple of times and of course she's wonderful and kind and so sweet. So anyway. So, jane, are we, do we want to just start with, like, so tell us about your view from those three decades, or do you have something else you want to jump in with, because I know you two haven't had a really close connection with Kim?

Speaker 1: 16:08

Yeah, I mean I'm here for the ride. So wherever you want to start, Dina, that's fine with me.

Speaker 2: 16:14

So let's do it, kim, if you're good with that, like for us. I think we're super curious about like we've had some really intense conversations and I don't know how much you've, we don't know how much you've listened to all of our episodes, but we also like to assume everybody listens to all of it. But we've had some intense conversations about our own experiences, right, and Jane, of course, had some experiences immersed in the Doxy family, lots of experiences detached from the Doxy family, and so we're just kind of curious, like across those three decades, right, what was it? What else was kind of going on in the Doxy family? Or or how aware was everybody? Or in tune was everybody in terms of like as the kids were coming along and their different family groups and that kind of thing, like just that whole perspective.

Speaker 3: 16:59

So, picking up from there and whatever you'd like to share, Well, you know, kurt left the home when he joined the Air Force and back in 1960. And so my upfront face-to-face experiences with him were kind of spattered. But you know, he always kept in touch with mom and so that was, you know, 1960, I was, I was just what was I? Nine, ten, eleven years old, something like that, and then. But you know, we sort of kept track of what he was doing with his, his first wife, and then his being sent to Alaska Gosh, that was fun. And then you know him coming back and joining the Navy and and hooking up with Dolores and and all that kind of stuff.

Speaker 2: 17:54

And you said he was sent to Alaska. What was? Was that? What was that about?

Speaker 3: 18:01

That was about 1963, I guess he was. You know, he was a weatherman, a weather guesser, and he, they sent him to a little weather station on top of Sparvon Mountain in Alaska and he was real happy with the thing. There were three guys up there and they were up there alone and they had a base camp down at the bottom of the mountain. But during the winter, which goes from about the first of August until about the first of July the next year, he, he was stuck up there on that mountain. Can we tell?

Speaker 1: 18:43

you real quick, kim? Can we tell you real quick what the heck he was? A weatherman. I didn't know that, like we, janice knows nothing, I know very little, and I only know what my wonderful mother has told me, and so I didn't. I had no idea what his MOS was or or whatever. And so, and knowing the fact that he loved women so much, being on a mountain with two other men was not what he wanted to do, that makes me giggle.

Speaker 3: 19:18

Yeah, yeah, he did not have a real good time up there.

Speaker 1: 19:24

And he didn't.

Speaker 3: 19:27

He got himself in trouble a little bit up there. But you know, when you're you're one of the junior guys and you get some jerk who's the in charge of the of the operation. He didn't, he didn't get along, so but anyway, and then he got discharged. When he got discharged he went oh what, before he went into the Air Force, of course, he married his first wife I don't remember what her name is and then he came back and they divorced and then he wasn't doing well as far as Jim finding substantive employment. So he went back in the Navy. And he went back in the Navy as some sort of administrative clerk position or something like that. You know, because he could type pretty fast and he could use the English language functionally being in the Navy, that's an advantage. And so anyway, that's what he did. And he was bounced around on a boat for a couple of years and he was married to Dolores at that time and we were at Quantico, Virginia. So I was in high school at that point. When he was in Alaska, we were in Hawaii. So you know I could say nanny, nanny, boo, boo, and that will just, coincidentally, that in 64, when that big earthquake hit Alaska, they got banged around quite a bit up there on top of that mountain. Oh yeah, he said that was a pretty exciting experience and anyway. So he left there, joined the Navy, sailed around for a while and then came back to Virginia after he got out of the Navy and still could not find substantive employment in that area.

Speaker 3: 21:27

Kurt was always looking to score the big job, the big paycheck, and the idea of starting in at the ground floor and working your way up was just not his style. And so he packed up and he told me once he says Dolores, sweet lady, she did not want to leave the bosom of her family down there on Aquire Creek in Stafford, virginia. And Kurt said well, I'm not sticking around. And so he took off and he headed out to California and hung around with Bruce for a while. So he and Bruce were in close proximity with each other for a number of years down there in Southern California and that's where he met his third wife, lynn, and then is where he met his fourth wife, patricia, and you know that's what he did. A lot was meeting new wives, but so he was bouncing around, job to job, had some, but he was again like I said, he was always getting a position and want to move forward.

Speaker 3: 22:42

And at that time Bruce was just, you know, doing his thing down there. He was fixing cars and had a gas station and he was doing other stuff. But you know, again Kurt was trying to score the big one and that was kind of his downfall there. And that was in the 70s and in 74s when I went to OTS in the year yeah, air full and I went to flight school in Sacramento. So I had some little interaction with them for about a year, which is 74, 75, 76 timeframe, that I had a little bit more interaction with them directly. And then I went off to Japan with my family and they were banging around and that was kind of a and telephones were not like they are today. There was no internet. I know you don't believe that.

Speaker 1: 23:44

But trust me, we remember, we remember. We're old enough for that shit. We didn't have cell phones, yeah.

Speaker 2: 23:56

So that is the revealing thing for me, then is or the maybe it's confirming, because Dylan's timeframe may have helped with this, but so clearly then he connected with my mother when he was, I'm assuming, married to Dolores, because if Dolores's family is in Scottson, stafford, virginia, I was born in Frederick'sburg.

Speaker 2: 24:19

That's where I was born, and I was in spots, so my mom's family was really from that Frederick'sburg area. So that's the little light that's been shed for me, like, okay, that's the right timing, that's the right location, because I think for Dylan couldn't quite figure out where people geographically were. So that's a gap that you just built for me.

Speaker 3: 24:40

Right yeah, did you spend much time in Frederick'sburg?

Speaker 2: 24:45

Oh yeah, I mean so my youngest. Until I was about five we lived in like the Stafford Frederick's burg area and then we moved to Spotsylvania and that's where I grew up mostly.

Speaker 3: 25:01

It's right across the river from Fredericksburg.

Speaker 2: 25:04

Yes.

Speaker 3: 25:05

So you were spitting down, oh yeah, anyway. And then, okay, that was through the 70s, and then in the 80s they send me from Okinawa, japan, to the very, very northern tip of Maine You're closer to Canada than you are the United States up there and it's miserable weather up, absolutely miserable. And so we spent I spent three years there and I had a little bit of interaction there. That was when Kurt was in. The time frame was 78 through 81. For me, that's when I left Lorraine and went to England.

Speaker 3: 25:51

And so while I was up there at Lorraine, kurt was in. I think he was in Dallas at the time and he was working with for some guy selling marketing franchises. And so this guy who was marketing franchises with them owed them, owed Kurt and his buddy about a million dollars, and back in the early 80s a million dollars was really worth something. So it was on that million dollar obligation that they started working on setting up their own little franchise business and it was going to be precision tune, I think, or dine to tune whatever. And I did a little graphics works for him and stuff like that, and he said, oh yeah, we're going to pay you, we're going to pay you. And of course he never did.

Speaker 3: 26:48

And he was also going to have me open up a training center for people who were getting the equipment and the franchises. They were going to come to Las Vegas, because everybody loves to come Las Vegas and that's where we were going to locate the thing. And I was going to be running that. I was a shop teacher, I had a bachelor's and master's degree in shop and all that kind of stuff, and so I fit the bill and Bruce was going to move to Australia and ramrod the franchise operation down there. Wow, and they had ordered equipment and it was created in sitting on a dock and they had put money down for buying a filter factory, a factory that makes oil filters and air filters and fuel filters, all that kind of crap for cars, and this way they would have their own brand. It was a big operation and all of a sudden, that guy that owed them a million dollars said nah, I'm not going to pay you.

Speaker 2: 27:58

Oh, wow.

Speaker 3: 27:59

Yeah, and what was? I had put in my papers to get out of the Air Force and that was in 1980. I had put in my papers to get out of the Air Force to do that for him. And all of a sudden we were going along and getting closer to my date of separation and I couldn't even find him on the phone. Wow, couldn't run him down and Bruce had a hard time running him down. And Bruce had owned this big house in someplace in Southern Cal, someplace in the South it's just out the LA down toward Escondido, someplace in Southern California and he was doing happy, he had a good employment and sources of income and he was sold all that. He was ready to go and the whole deal fell through. So that really put a bad taste in Bruce's mouth for a long time. Wow, because it hurt him over. And when Bruce told me that, I immediately went down and pulled my papers to stay in the Air Force. And I told the Air Force well, if I can, I'll just wait and see where they're going to send me. If they're going to leave me in Lorraine forever, I'm getting out. If they're going to send me to some rat hole little place that the Air Force has lots of. I'm going to get out, but the slimy bastards turned around and sent me to England, so I stayed in England.

Speaker 3: 29:41

While I was in England, bruce, I think they were down near Beaumont or someplace. At the time Kurt was down there working, I don't know what his position was, but they were doing gray area cars, import cars. Do you know what that is? No, that's where they take. To import a car into the United States, it has to meet US safety standards and emission standards. Well, what they were doing is they were bringing cars over that were not aimed at the United States market, but they would bring them over and then modify the cars. And this was legitimate, was that?

Speaker 1: 30:26

at Scarob. Was that at Scarob, or whatever?

Speaker 3: 30:30

Say again please, scarob, scarob.

Speaker 1: 30:35

Yeah, was that Scarob Automotive or something like that? I remember him working for like Scarob and it was like cars or something like that.

Speaker 3: 30:45

Yeah, and they were doing BMWs.

Speaker 1: 30:48

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3: 30:50

Because they were having trouble getting the technical specs for the cars that were coming over from Europe so that they could then modify them. So he got me to go get some manuals for these things in English, because I was in England, which would have been better than German or French or something. So I went down and spent a couple of hundred bucks buying these technical manuals and bundled them up and sent them to him at the business address. And your dad never paid me for those because he had quit that business or gotten fired, I don't know which. And so he screwed me over on that one and but I stuck it out in England until I got there in 81, left in 84. And that's when they sent me to West Berlin and spent six years there in West Berlin and during that time I went back to Key West once.

Speaker 3: 31:51

While I was in England I went back to Key West once, and so that was the time when I was in England, so that it was that time frame you know, early 80s that you were down in Key West. That's when we bumped the heads there. Yeah, while I was in Germany he was doing all his little shenanigans where he spent his time up here in Tallahassee and other things, and that's when your mother divorced him, yeah, and then from Germany they sent me to Hawaii so, and that was in 90. And I wasn't hearing much from or about him other than he was in. I had married Roberta, and was producing lots of babies, and at the time they were living in Boston, the Rhode Island.

Speaker 1: 32:53

Oh yeah, they were.

Speaker 3: 32:54

Yeah, they were living in Rhode Island and working in Boston and well, he found this really he thought was going to be his and he was did. Real. Well, it was with a company that I don't know if they're still around, but they made modems and it was Zoom tell, but anyway he was working for them. He had done a real good job cracker job of creating a service department for people to call up and whine and complain about their equipment, and he set up a real good thing and he was well respected there. Well, he then got this potential even bigger job in and I think it was Cincinnati or Cleveland someplace in Ohio, to work for a company there. Well, he went there, he told the people off at Zoom that you guys suck, I'm leaving and rather than taking a leave of absence, as it were, he told them off and left.

Speaker 3: 34:07

Oh wow, that job in Ohio fell through. He was going. I got to go back to Boston because that's where my family's living and Zoom tell didn't want anything to do with him. And Zoom tell spread the word around Boston that you don't want to hire this guy. He's a jerk. And so he was saying like, well, maybe I've got to get the hell out of this neck of the woods. So he was looking at going back to Dallas with his family and Roberta says I'm so happy, I have my family here, my life is here, I have my church, I have my kids, and these kids are in school and soccer, that kind of crap. And he says, well, we can't stay. And so she kind of threw him out. Of course she wanted to stay there also because she had a thing going with the preacher at her church and she could probably Crap.

Speaker 2: 35:09

Ok, I got you.

Speaker 1: 35:10

Oh wow, we didn't hear about that, but we knew we would hear new stuff.

Speaker 3: 35:14

Yeah, well, roberta had a thing to do, but anyway, all those Rawlings girls did, but that's, you know. Should I be slinging out dirt like this? You know?

Speaker 2: 35:30

we'll pause there for a second. Our disclaimer really always is listen. Everybody has their own experience with the story, right and so to your point, right, like we, we only know what we know based on secondhand information, right or third hand in this case. Now, we know it through you, but you know it through Bruce or someone else, because you weren't standing there when it was all happening. So so we are.

Speaker 3: 35:52

This is your version right.

Speaker 2: 35:54

Exactly, it is your version of the experience and it is not intended for anybody to hear and go oh, that's exactly what happened, because none of us were standing there, right? So it's just simply your perspective of Right.

Speaker 3: 36:06

Well, this, this stuff that I am talking about in Boston, stuff I got from Kurt's own lips yeah, because he has Kurt's lens right.

Speaker 2: 36:17

That's my point is like even you getting it from Kurt is Kurt's version of right. So and again, I'm not discounting any of it, Kim, it's just to acknowledge that we only know what we're told, and so that's all we can talk about, right?

Speaker 1: 36:30

Yeah, in addition. In addition, this is this is really educational for us because we we didn't get to experience any of that with him, and and and again, this is your, your truth, based off of your experience through it. So they've all you know, everybody's had their chance to, you know, say what they, their version is, and we've been corrected on timelines and stuff like that. We're here for it, you know, because this is just a learning experience for us and we appreciate everybody's view because we are very objective, we are very open minded, we're both coaches, so we get that and we want that because I can't even.

Speaker 1: 37:08

I mean, my bias was my bias because of my mother, and then when I got to spend some time with Kurt when I was 18 years old, I got his perspective and it was much different than my mother's and and other things that happened in my life.

Speaker 1: 37:22

Those puzzle pieces started clicking together and going, oh, that's when she lied to me that for the one billionth time and said it was this is actually this, you know, and so it's. It's therapeutic for me, quite honestly, because I like storytelling and I like all of those things. I'm sitting here smoking my weed, listening to all my dad has done. And it's funny because when you say that he went in and wanted to be the top dog, you know, and I have that mentality, but I do, I do all of the work. You know I'll climb that ladder and but I'm going to and I'm going to show you that I'm climbing the ladder because I'm bringing you along with me, because I'm also a great leader, and so it sounds like it was also that type of person, but maybe didn't input the things that he needed to to complete the cycle, you know. So now I know, like, ok, I'm like my dad, but better.

Speaker 2: 38:19

Well, the other thing, again, another clarifying point for me was, I feel like, from Dylan we got some of the California background story backstory, of course, because he was there with Bruce, and obviously Dylan was there too, and so that was what you revealed, kim, though, was that story about, like, the franchise business and the person who owed a million dollars and he was going to like that's all it all sounds like that was the closest he got to the quick payoff, right, like the, but he was also putting in the work, like putting in the work to design it, make something happen, and something so much so that you were ready to leave the military to go be a part of it, and then it backfired, something that was out of his control, right, the original person just opted not to pay, and so all of that fell apart.

Speaker 2: 39:05

Like I can't, I can only imagine how crushing that must have been for him in terms of getting that far down the road to, and so that's an angle, like you said, jane, that we had not heard. That level of detail and that whole time period was something that's brand new to us. So I really just this is so great.

Speaker 1: 39:22

Yeah, and the fact that you guys were so connected when we were so disconnected, you know, and so being able to fill in the gaps is really cool. So we appreciate this so much.

Speaker 3: 39:35

Yeah, well, a lot of the things that Kurt did was he was kind of a hooligan, but like that, frank things like you say, he really, they really did nail it because they did such a good job figuring out how to sell franchises when they decided to do their own and they, oh they had it worked out. It was such a good plan that both both Bruce and I were ready to, you know, change directions on a dime to support so and I thought and nothing else ever like that ever came his way again.

Speaker 3: 40:09

It may be if he had stuck it out with Zoom tell in Boston he might have done well, but you know, and then that that time he went out when he was you know, yeah, anyway, he ended up in Florida and the early 90s, mid 90s, whenever it was living a grandma's house. Of course he had his first strokes while he was in Boston. They weren't debilitating about the only thing noticed that he had slurred speech even when he was sober. So he. But then when he came down to key were to Melbourne, florida, where mom and dad were living. He wasn't doing real well with with stuff. But then I guess it was in 90.

Speaker 3: 41:02

Well, sometimes in the early 90s he got a job offering out there and the company was in Silicon Valley, san Jose or someplace, and they were thinking about moving their whole corporate office up to Reno because the cost of doing business was so great in in the San Jose area that you know they could give everybody huge raises and still be saving money. And so he was going. He went to Reno to help scout out the area and help plan the area, to help them move, to say, hey, here's an office building this empty, here's a whatever this that's vacant and near the, the, the major trunk lines for fiber optics and all this kind of crap, the stuff that they would need. And that's when he had another stroke and that was, yeah, that was a big one. Because the, the company, hadn't heard from him a couple of days. He was in this motel and Bruce and Lynn had not heard anything from him. So they literally went over there to the room and found him and packed him up and shipped him back to Florida.

Speaker 1: 42:19

Anyway, you know, he was just, he was basically over for him, and that was in the mid 90s and 97, because I was 18 and I had received a phone call from grandma and she said that he had had a stroke and he's now using a walker, and and she was like you know, I'd really love for you to come out and and see your dad, because he's not doing very well and he would love to see you.

Speaker 1: 42:48

And so I did and I went out there for, I think, a full week and and, yeah, it was really sad because he could barely talk and he couldn't walk. He had, he had, he had a walker and his speech was very slurred. He could barely, you know, write. So I would, you know, talk to him and then, you know, we would get him to write something and then, you know, and so in some words, he could say, but it was, it was very hard to see, because I remember dad when I, you know, when I was little and he was big and strong and tall and you know all of those things, and to see him so frail it was, it was really sad yeah, and it was that was the time that that my dad was starting to deteriorate yes, here, here's mom who's you know, five foot two and a half and weigh in 115 pounds, is trying to throw these two mooses around and pick them up on the floor and all that kind of crap she had.

Speaker 3: 43:48

They had fallen so often and she would call 911 and the local fire department would come over to pick them up off the floor. They finally said mrs Doxy, here's our private number to the fire station oh you don't have to make 911 calls anymore, just call us up and and she, they had her, you know. They'd say the telephone would ID that it was, you know, jane Doxy on Pebble Creek and I'd say, oh, has the Colonel fallen down again?

Speaker 3: 44:19

and they would round with their smaller truck no sirens, no lights, no, nothing. Just come around and pick her up. But that was about the time that mom was able to get Kurt into that VA home yeah, not federal VA, yeah and get him in that one up there in Daytona. And he just deteriorated to down into a wheelchair and he was when dad died. We took his dad's power chair up there to him and he was. He was so depilitated he couldn't really drive it very well, and so they said they took it away from him because he said he's the creep keep crashing into things and into people and and all that.

Speaker 3: 45:13

And he was, of course, a lifelong smoker. Yeah, and tell that home where he could not get out onto the porch, the screened-in porch, because you could not smoke inside the facility. So he had to get out onto the porch and smoke out there. And it got to the point where he couldn't get out to the porch by himself and couldn't light his own cigarettes. So that's to the point he quit smoking and then then he was it's kind of went downhill from there and then it was March of 07 that he finally died. But that was it. What else?

Speaker 2: 45:56

Wow, I mean, it came honestly, like I, we can't tell you, I, you know Jane will speak for herself, but but every time we have a conversation with somebody else in this family it's so enlightening, right, like so much, just like we said a few minutes ago, of what you just shared, brought clarity to kind of things that had been, you know, almost hinted at before, not hinted as in secret, but hinted as in like I think this was happening, but I'm not really sure.

Speaker 2: 46:23

You just gave us a great deal of clarity even toward the end there, right, because Jane knew, of course I was able to say he'd had some strokes, but the story of like having the you know initial stroke that wasn't pretty, very bad, but then the second one where he was actually alone in a hotel room that you know never even have a note and know the man, that kind of breaks my heart a little bit, because I can only imagine how terrifying that is and, and God knows, if they hadn't gone looking for right, he might not have survived that one.

Speaker 2: 46:51

So, yeah, so that's, I mean, thank you for sharing all of that, and I think you know it's interesting for me because here's here's kind of a follow-on question for me, and it really is more about better understanding the dynamics of the Doxy family. Every family has such unique dynamics, right, and, and and even that idea of family means something a little bit different to to different people. But you know, as I think about you all, as the four children right, no five, with Sabrina right once she was adopted, do I have that right?

Speaker 2: 47:25

correct so as five right living all over the country, obviously, once you've grown, you being in the military, so all over the world. How much of a connection did you have through your mom and dad, like through the you know maternal and paternal grandfather, like how much connection did you all kind of have over, like were there certain things that you always did together, or you know times that you tried to get together, or once everybody left it, everybody just kind of go in, there was separate way, and then it was your mom who really just kind of shared information and made connections or what have you.

Speaker 3: 47:56

I'm super curious about that well, we never had any big family reunions or anything like that because, you know, like you say, we went off brother Jan, you know he, right out of high school he had he was planning on going to the University of Hawaii and studying music, specifically voice. And, just aside, he and I were both in the the elite singing group at our high school. We were both second base sections and Jan when. I was always like in his shadow, so to speak, and so I was always not real confident about my voice performance. And then 30, 40 years later I ran into our choral director and he says you were better than your brother.

Speaker 3: 48:59

And I thought you know, if he had said that to me 30 years earlier, it was in my life right, but anyway, jan was planning on going to University of Hawaii studying voice and he had a real solid girlfriend, chinese girl, her name was Suzanne Chi and they broke up and Jan just said, screw this. And he went and enlisted in the Army. And he said this way I can get GI Bill benefits and go to the college wherever I choose to go, and all that jazz. Right, well, and so the last time I might have a copy of it someplace. The last picture we had of all of us, all four boys, sabrina, mom and dad together, we were in living in quarters at Quantico oh, wow.

Speaker 3: 49:59

Kurt Bruce was in the Army because he had been drafted and Kurt was in the Navy and Jan had just you enlisted in the Army and I was still running around in high school and there's a picture some place of that. I'll try to post it some I can find it yeah, I know I would love to to see that.

Speaker 3: 50:24

That'd be really amazing, yeah that was 1966, the last time we were all together at one group alive. And then, you know, bruce went off and did his thing and in the Army and ended up in Fort Silly, oklahoma, with Avril and then when he got out of the Army he went to Southern California and pretty much been out there in California forever since then right and then Jan ended up not much longer because you know he could read right in Cypher.

Speaker 3: 50:58

So he was officer material in the Army and they sent him no TS and immediately sent him to well, shortly thereafter sent him to Vietnam. He, he was killed in February of 68. Yeah, so I was still in high school at the time and let's see After that again. Bruce and Kurt were out there in Southern California in close proximity with each other for a number of years and you know, after I went to college, my bachelor's and my two master's degrees I did right here at Ford State in Tallahassee, and then I tried being a public school teacher for a couple of years and I said, well, this is really a stupid thing to do, janice.

Speaker 1: 51:58

Yeah, janice is an educator and used to be a principal.

Speaker 3: 52:06

Yeah, Talking about you know, the unions were starting to come in and trying to come in and I was a teacher with a master's degree in one of the best paying counties in the state of Florida Key West, monroe County. And when I quit that and got in the Air Force as a second lieutenant on flying status, my salary doubled. Plus I had a medical dental for me and my children my family, that's a better deal.

Speaker 3: 52:44

Yeah, it's a much better deal and I didn't have to put up with there were a lot of losers in the teaching profession. You know, you really really start sterling people but then you get these losers.

Speaker 2: 52:59

I'm going to have to just for really quickly for a public service announcement, go ahead and acknowledge with that that that is true in all professions.

Speaker 1: 53:07

It's not yes, yes.

Speaker 2: 53:09

Okay, continue Continue.

Speaker 3: 53:12

That's insane. A turds always float to the top of the punch bowl and you get these people that you know again. There's a lot of good, hardworking, conscientious people, but there's just enough. That really turned me sour on it, and it was also during that time when you can't do anything with the children. You know they can rip things apart and tear things apart and kill each other and there's nothing. You can't even break up a fight. You know that type of thing.

Speaker 2: 53:43

Oh, no, no, no, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying and don't get me wrong, I totally also get that. Like you said, you had these opportunities and so in the end it all worked out for the best for you. So I'm looking now at we have about 10, a little over 10 minutes left in this in this, what we hope will become the first of many conversations, not all recorded right, okay. But I wonder then, you know you've got me just thinking about family in general and obviously with your brother, jan, dying so young and if I remember correctly you said he enlisted right and then he was. You know, once he was trained in his particular area, he was shipped off to Vietnam versus being drafted, which I think you said Bruce was drafted. Do I have that right?

Speaker 3: 54:31

Correct and he was drafted in 60, I don't know if it was 66 or 67 is around that timeframe Jan enlisted in 66 and went through some training and did some stuff and then they sent him to officer candidate school. Right and then he was, of course, and so he was. He was the first lieutenant when he died.

Speaker 2: 54:57

Okay, so that you know with him going, with him passing away so early, that idea that the last picture you all have as a family is in the late 60s.

Speaker 3: 55:08

Yeah, six.

Speaker 2: 55:10

It's, you know, I just so. My husband and I have six kids between us. We've both been married previously and I just think about, you know there's, having come from a family experience myself that was so incredibly dysfunctional. It's been really important to me right To be the person for now right, eventually, hopefully, one of our children will take over but to be the person for now who is so intentional about making sure that we are all together, right. At least our goal has actually been, since we've been married every couple of years because our kids rage in age from 16 to 31. So so we have to be really intentional and they're spread all over the country about how we get them, you know, in the same space every couple of years. So it's just so.

Speaker 2: 55:52

It's always so fascinating to me, right To think about how different fight family dynamics are, and some of it's generational, some of it's just the time period we were in. Some of it's, like you said, there's so many reasons for that to be the case. So it's just, it's really just fascinating, and even just in the kind of scope of you know what it looks like, if you will, to be family, to hear the story.

Speaker 3: 56:15

Well, we, you know, to go back a generation. When we were kids. We were fortunate enough to be stationed a couple of times near the well in Northern Virginia, where most of my mother's family was, and so we had aunts and uncles and scores of cousins that used to get together all the time and carry on. And you know a grandma there, and she used to. She drew. What did she drink? She drank ram, said ale. She was a drinker and she lived in this little house and it was hadn't been updated since the 30s or something the 20s, and she had this window over the sink and she used to take her empty beer cans and throw them out the window because they fill up the trash can too fast. And she had a nice backyard with apple trees and a mulberry tree and the grandkids would come around. She said go, pick up the beer cans in the backyard, put them in the big trash cans.

Speaker 2: 57:23

Oh my gosh, that's funny.

Speaker 3: 57:25

Memories, you know. But and then you know the down in the keys. We had aunts and uncles that moved down to the keys. So we have been traveling through the keys for, you know, the 50s to visit with them, and so we had a pretty close connection with them, but not much with dad's family because they were all ensconced up there in Michigan and we never were near them. So it was only when we were traveling back and forth across the country from one post to the next did we encounter them. So I really don't have any memory, very vague memories, of this.

Speaker 2: 58:09

But as young as, like you said, as young kids, you guys had that opportunity to be with family.

Speaker 2: 58:13

It really was because, or not because, but once you became, you know, adults that you came, became more spread out.

Speaker 2: 58:19

So I have one final question that I want to pose, and then Jane obviously creates space for you to do the same if you have something.

Speaker 2: 58:25

But, kim, I'm sitting here thinking to myself so you had intermittent contact and times where you were closer to our dad than others, big chunks of time when you weren't, some chunks where you were, and so I'm super curious about, like, how he, to your knowledge, again, this is you you making some you know assumptions, if you will, based on your conversations with him over the years and knowing that you know those spent a long time since those conversations happened, since he passed away so long ago.

Speaker 2: 58:55

But, like, I just wonder about like how he, how he spoke to you about his kids right, he had kids by that time, like across multiple wives all over the country Like, did he see them as like a collective unit? Did he? Was he only focused on the I hate to say it this way but the kids who were in front of him at the moment and wasn't really like attending to, if you will, the kids who weren't. I'm just super curious about that, and so I don't know if you can shed light or not, and if you can't, that's totally okay, but it's worth an ask.

Speaker 3: 59:29

The impression I get when the way you ask that question is pretty much who's standing in front of me right now. Yeah, and you know, I think you probably. You know Jane, you probably remember that he was. He was pretty nice dad when he was there.

Speaker 1: 59:48

Yeah, yeah, he wasn't. Yeah, I have a story of when he wasn't very nice, but he definitely favored Devin over Jason and I, and so Jason and I definitely got the repercussions from that. But you know he wasn't terrible and I have several fond memories with him. It's just spending time together. You know. I don't remember him doing things with us or anything like that, but just being at home. He loved wrestling, like the WWF wrestling.

Speaker 2: 1:00:26

And so.

Speaker 1: 1:00:26

I remember sitting on the couch with him watching wrestling and, and he enjoyed it and he, as he chained, smoke cigarettes and drink Pepsi. You know, like I don't remember him being like a drinker or anything like that, but I know that he was, you know, definitely a force to be reckoned with if he was upset, you know, I mean he was, he was intimidating, that's for sure. And and I do have an instance where he was pretty abusive towards me because he was, I was supposed to be responsible for Devin and I was five and Devin was four, so it wasn't a good experience, but you know. You know, but but, that being said, I feel like he was a good dad, like I don't remember him being crazy, you know, or anything like that, and I think it really helped because my mother was so crazy, so it balanced it out. But because, once he was gone, oh God, she was a totally different person, you know, and that's when I really started noticing that she had problems, you know. So, um, yeah, he wasn't bad.

Speaker 3: 1:01:34

But he never really talked about his other children from other marriages.

Speaker 1: 1:01:39

No, no, he never. I didn't know. I had other siblings until after, you know, after he left, and then, you know, then I heard about Jan and Sarah and you know and stuff like that, but those are the only two that I knew about. And then once I went to Florida, um, you know, to see him, I then realized how many kids he had with Bobby, you know, and stuff like that, and how young they were, and I was like, oh wow, you know so, but it was mostly grandma telling me, you know, she was the one that she was the glue, she kept tabs on everything that Kurt did, um, if she feels like, until she always knew the birthdays and the. She always kept everybody connected.

Speaker 1: 1:02:19

And that's what I really appreciated about hers, because she was my only connection to my father, who I was told was no longer my father, and I had to call my stepdad dad, you know, and that was and that, and if we didn't we would be in a lot of trouble.

Speaker 1: 1:02:34

And so, you know, we got brainwashed into thinking that he was, you know, the anti-Christ or whatever, and and that we, we were, we were told not to. We could not have any contact with him until after we turned 18, you know, and that he wasn't our dad anymore, and so you know, we were brainwashed by my mom and my stepdad and and that sucked, you know, and I remember how it felt and you know. And then to sit and wonder like, does he think about us, does he want to get us? You know all of those things because we're in a really shitty situation with my mom. She was super abusive, very mentally ill, would make very emotional decisions and stuff, and I was just like, okay, so he doesn't care, and we're left with a psycho, you know, and and that's how it felt.

Speaker 3: 1:03:16

Yeah, yeah, yeah Well and that's.

Speaker 2: 1:03:22

You know, that's one of those, you know the kinds of things that they'll never be resolution around, right? Because the only person to bring resolution is obviously Kurt himself, right? So I'm listening to you talk, jane, and I am I am thinking this to myself, right? This has all been a little surreal for me, right, and it is fascinating to realize that you know 12, you know there are 12 or 11 for me, 11, half siblings out there.

Speaker 2: 1:03:54

You know, obviously Jason has passed away and to think about the scope of that, and, and you know, I my experience, of course, I grew up in a crazy dysfunctional family, very unsafe environment, and and literally, quite literally, walked away from that maternal, biological family as soon as I could, right, when I left for college.

Speaker 2: 1:04:19

College was my way out, and so and with the exception of a cousin, right, one cousin who I connected with later on in life as a, as an adult, I have zero connections there, and so what I do value about all of this is that, you know, like a lot of families, there's a lot of craziness here in terms of genuine, right, mental health issues, but also in terms of just the you know dynamics and the story across all these decades.

Speaker 2: 1:04:49

And so I appreciate kind of coming in after the fact, right, because coming in after the fact, jane, to your point, like you have to, you live with that, right, you live with those memories and those experiences, the good and the and the not so good, and for me it's really about just being able to, you know, kind of recognize what a gift it is to step back and say, you know, okay, because of Kurt, you know, even though, like he, he only the only thing he did was, you know, do take the genetic, genetic act that it takes to make a baby right, but because of that, I, you know, now, 35 years later, right, I have Jane in my life, I have Devin in my life, kim, now, hopefully I have you in my life, and, and it doesn't, for me it's like the stories before that don't have necessarily or near the amount of weight as the potential stories we can kind of write together moving forward. So that's something I'll be grateful for, for a long time.

Speaker 1: 1:05:43

Yeah, I'm very excited, let's get. Yeah, and for me this has been a really cool experience because, again, like I said earlier, this is all the stuff that was in between. That was through the lens of my mother, who obviously had an agenda and spewed nothing but negativity and everything about our father and ill will and the family and they don't even care and blah, blah, blah. And it's like you know, when you're surrounded by that, all the time you do have those negative thoughts like okay, they just don't care. You know, we're stuck in this shack with no electricity and barely eating and eating at homeless kitchens and just dealing with all of this stuff and you know, thinking that nobody cares. And I knew that grandma always did, you know, but I didn't know if Kurt did or not.

Speaker 1: 1:06:36

And once I got to see him again, it was like some of those things, like I said, the puzzle pieces clicked together and I'm like, okay, the reason why we moved from California wasn't because what my mom said, how family members were trying to poison us, it was, kurt found us and they skipped town and so we moved from. You know, living in a little shack in a canyon in California, in Los Gatos on my uncle's property to central Phoenix, arizona, where the temperature is totally different, the people are totally different, and it was just a total shell shock for us and we were so angry because we were so happy and we were finally happy in that little spot. And then my mother tells us all the stuff and then I find out after I'm 18 that it was him that found us and we were running from him and I was just like, wow, okay, you know, my mom really worked hard at keeping us away from him and he did. He was like I found you and he's like, he sent a letter or something like that, and then the next thing he knew we were gone and everything, all the traces were erased.

Speaker 1: 1:07:47

So you know it, just hearing these different stories and how he was as a person is very, very enlightening, but also confirms a lot of things for me and how I am, because I didn't get to really know him like that and so, like I said earlier, like we're very similar and that explains why I'm not like my mother, so much, you know. And then I appreciate that, my God, I appreciate that. But you know, it's cool to hear that because I'm like, oh cool, I'm like my dad, you know, and that's where I get it from.

Speaker 2: 1:08:17

So it's, it's, it's bitter sweet, and even the best parts, right, because you I love it earlier that like okay, so I have that same drive and you and I have talked about that a lot. I think we both very much have that but, are willing to do the work to you know, climb the ladder to you know, show the value and and and get there and earn it, so to speak, versus the you know the quick win, or the quick, you know big pay off, or whatever.

Speaker 1: 1:08:42

And you know, what's funny is I work with people. I coach people that want that, you know, instant gratification, and I have to, I'm, I'm there, I'm the voice of reason with them and go okay, how is that really going to work? And blah, blah, blah. So it's almost like I'm coaching my dad at this point, you know, like I'm coaching people that are like my father, because, because I see the difference, you know, or whatever, and know how to do it and I coach them through, I coach business owners through that stuff all the time.

Speaker 1: 1:09:09

I did it this week and it felt so freaking good because I'm I, you know that's my true calling and and and I love coaching business owners and stuff like that and and getting them to see, you know, beyond their nose and and and open up that their mind to that and, and it isn't just instant gratification, you actually have to put in the work and have expectations and accountability and follow up and close the loop and all those things. And so it sounds like that's the stuff that he was missing in some, in some instances, but then figured it out towards the end and then came to the demise of his smoking habit, you know, and it sounds like he did get it fucking figured out finally, and then it was just a little too late for him, you know, and I, I, I feel that and I'm like, well, wow, I can carry on, you know that, and teach other people how to do that, and and that's, that's what I'm here for. So it's, it's super cool to see how it's kind of like linking together, you know.

Speaker 2: 1:10:06

So yeah, I like that a lot. This is so I'm going to do what I do best and bring us kind of to a close, because what we know is that you push past a little bit an hour and people start to tune you out a little bit. So we, we're going to save future conversation for future conversation. But so so, Kim, I'm going to, I'm going to give you the last word, and what I mean by that is to say, like you know, given the nature of the conversation that we've just had today, right, If there's, if there's one and I'm thinking we'll end it on a super positive note like if there's, whether it's a characteristic, if it's a something that when you think about your brother, Kurt, our father, and you kind of, and you kind of have a smile on your face, like you think fondly about it, Like I said, characteristic or whatever, what would it be? What's that one thing about him?

Speaker 3: 1:10:56

Huh, I don't know, that was a setup. Okay, okay, hold on hold on.

Speaker 1: 1:11:04

Or or I have a secondary question. The secondary question would be what, what? What was something you learned about Kurt and or Janice and I that you can link to Kurt, or something like that.

Speaker 3: 1:11:21

Well, I was thinking back to the first question. Is that when I was smaller he was good to me?

Speaker 2: 1:11:29

He was you know a lot of times he was.

Speaker 3: 1:11:34

he was a pretty good big brother and being the tail end Charlie. That Bruce was too, and so you know I look back on those days and and see him and and, but you know, Kurt always tried, he always tried.

Speaker 2: 1:11:52

Yeah, I love that. I love that. Thank you for that. I feel like that's a great place for us to wrap up. And, jane, I heard you add in there that he loves kids. Right, it was, it was never about. He did he.

Speaker 1: 1:12:05

Go ahead, Kim.

Speaker 3: 1:12:06

Yeah, he, yeah he did. And again, he was seven years older than I but you know, most of the time when he would he was out doing his thing. That is kid met that much older was doing. But you know, around me he was pretty good.

Speaker 2: 1:12:24

That's so great. That's a great place to wrap up. So, kim, again thank you, and so all of you who tuned in to listen to this episode. We hope you enjoyed meeting our uncle Kim as much as we did Well, at least I met him and reconnecting, obviously, jane and Kim and we, you know we love that you guys continue to be on this journey with us. So thanks so much for tuning into this episode and digging a little bit deeper into the, into the dumpster that is the doxy family, because every family has their dumpster. So thank you for listening, obviously like and follow and subscribe and share Jane, final word.

Speaker 1: 1:13:00

That's it, All the stuff that Janice just said. I echo that.

Speaker 2: 1:13:04

I love it. All right, peace out, guys. We'll see you next time.