Episode 20: Behind the Scenes with Meredith Yinger and She TV: Unmasking the Scars of Domestic Violence

Ever wondered how women can shape the narrative in the male-dominated industry of documentary filmmaking? Meet Meredith, a groundbreaking director and founder of She TV Media, a production powerhouse that gives voice to unheard female narratives. Our conversation takes you through her journey from broadcast journalism to documentary filmmaking and the inspiration behind She TV Media. We tackle the subject of the scarcity of female production crews in the industry and how her company is shifting the paradigm with diverse, empowering content.

In this discussion, we shed light on Meredith's transformative documentary project 'Scars on Scene', a poignant portrayal of three women transcending the shackles of domestic violence. The film brings to the forefront the rise in domestic violence during the pandemic and the urgency to shift focus from negativity toward hope, healing, and resources. We examine the long-term effects of trauma, post abusive relationships, and how 'Scars on Scene' is pivotal in raising awareness about these significant issues.

The episode wraps up with an exploration of the potential of trauma-informed care and its indispensable role in society. Meredith shares her insights on the power of storytelling, its impact on our perception of trauma, and how she's using her platform to foster change. We also learn about her future plans for 'Scars on Scene', including distribution strategies and impact campaigns. Come join us on this enlightening journey of resilience, strength, and the transformative power of storytelling.

Find Meredith: https://www.shetv.me/
IG:
@shetvmedia
@meredithyinger

Reach out to us at dumpsterdivejj@gmail.com

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Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

You ready? Yeah, yeah. So you are listening to Dumpster Diving with Dennis and Jane and our special guest Meredith, who I met through one of my coaching colleagues, JP Reynolds, who all of our three listeners know by through the episodes. But you know, we're growing. We're growing from that three listeners, Amen. Everybody loves JP. Everybody loves JP when we have him on and you are his goddaughter, correct?

Speaker 3: 0:31

Oh, yes, yes, yes, he is the OG godfather.

Speaker 2: 0:36

He, so is Falling him down from now on OG godfather.

Speaker 3: 0:41

That's what I call him now Love that so much?

Speaker 1: 0:45

Oh my god, yes, that's so him. So tell us, tell us how you know. You know JP. Obviously he's your godfather and has been since a very long time, I'm sure so. But he was the one that was like, hey, you really need to talk to Meredith. She's doing some really great stuff and I'd love for you to meet with her. And so you and I met and I was like, hell, yeah, you need to come on our podcast because this is cool stuff. So why don't you kind of give us your intro and you know when we're wine howling and kick us off?

Speaker 3: 1:15

Yeah, I love it. What a big question. Well, first off, shout out to Uncle JP. So I appreciate him. I feel like we're each other's number one fan club, like we're always like, oh, have you, you know? Oh, you should talk to JP, oh you should. So, anyway, I'm happy to be here and any recommendation or people that come to me through Uncle JP, I'm like they're good people. But yeah, I've been busy. I'm Meredith, I'm a director and I also own the video production company she TV Media, which is all about telling, empowering and positive stories through commercials, documentaries and narratives, and ultimately, this came out of my love for filmmaking. Back in the day, I thought initially I wanted to go into broadcast journalism and I think I may be mentioned this to you, jay but Oprah is and was my, you know, idol, my model for what I wanted to, you know, accomplish.

Speaker 1: 2:15

Love it.

Speaker 3: 2:16

And she was like, hey, I started in broadcast journalism and I'm like, okay, well then, that's the way to go. So I went to college with that you know mentality of trying to follow in her footsteps and realized and, you know, knocked down doors and tried to do my best in communication studies and learning everything I could about asking questions and that's my favorite thing to do. And then I worked at ABC7 and I did a lot of work in the news world and I realized it was not for me and in the process of that I actually found documentaries, which was kind of a good combination of, like the investigative, curious side of me and also filmmaking. So that was cool. I never even thought of those two things. And back then documentaries were not cool, they were not like everyone was making them.

Speaker 2: 3:09

I got in a rep for a second because I said go Meredith. You said back in the day, and then just now you said back then and for people who are just listening and not seeing, meredith looks like she's about 12. So I'm struggling with the references, but that's okay, we're gonna let you slide.

Speaker 3: 3:23

We're gonna let you see it, I appreciate the mercy, I appreciate it. That is very true. It's all relative, right, everything is relative, but at least in my understanding that was kind of the take on it, and I thought it was cool because there were so many different topics and ways that you could approach documentaries and like mockumentaries and you can kind of blur genres and talk about things that people don't normally talk about, you know, that aren't in narratives or not in TV shows, and that was really exciting to me. So that was kind of like a turning point, I feel like, in terms of what I thought was possible.

Speaker 2: 4:01

Postgrad Love that Nice. So how long has she TV been up Like? How long has it been in existence?

Speaker 3: 4:10

Just about five years now. Oh wow, yes, started out very small, obviously, doing kind of trying to find our way. Also, we started working with local businesses, women owned businesses and entrepreneurs, just kind of getting our hands dirty and creating any kind of content that we could. And then we kind of expanded into nonprofits from there and then larger entities and brands building, you know, food strapping, still food strapping. But that's kind of how we started out, because it is very rare to have an upper dominantly female production crew, like even now.

Speaker 1: 4:50

That's amazing.

Speaker 3: 4:51

We're still a rarity, even though it might not feel like it. Yeah, absolutely.

Speaker 2: 4:56

I mean, we're seeing more, you know, more emphasis on women in general in terms of the industry, right, like you said, more women producing, executive producing, directing, doing all those kinds of things. But to have a company that's completely committed to this idea of, you know, all women, all empowerment, et cetera is, I mean, incredibly unusual.

Speaker 3: 5:16

Yeah, thank you, we like to. I like to think that it's just a leveling of the playing field, almost Like we're non-exclusive. We're just trying to take on a male dominated industry from a different perspective, and I think we need both right.

Speaker 1: 5:31

We need both perspectives to really create new and interesting content and not just keep regurgitating you know what we have for the last century, right, yeah, if I see one more movie rebate for the fourth time, I'm like going to just cry because it's let's get out of that, let's get out of it. You know so many stories to be told right, it doesn't have to be the same story over and over again.

Speaker 2: 5:55

Although you know we as consumers we kind of drive that, because we respond by buying the tickets and doing the things even over and over and over again.

Speaker 1: 6:06

Right, so it's a little bit both right, but it's also what are we being exposed to? And if we're being exposed to the same things over and over again, of course we're going to buy it you know.

Speaker 3: 6:16

So, like if all of your options are chocolate, you're going to probably choose chocolate Chocolate exactly I might.

Speaker 1: 6:23

So we need some variety, we need some, you know, some fruit thrown in there or something, yeah.

Speaker 2: 6:30

Before we go too far down the road, mary, I want to just dig for a second into the entrepreneur part of this. Right, so you talked about like you went. You did all the things that people tell you to do. Right, you went to college, you got your degree. You just following Oprah's paths into the broadcast in order to see if that would lead you to a similar place.

Speaker 2: 6:50

If you will, and what I love about the story you just told us, as brief as it was, is that it really just shows that you know, first off, just do right, do something right, move, take a step, and then there are going to be doors and opportunities that present themselves that you might not have been able to plan for or predict, right? So you really just kind of briefly showed how things can evolve once you actually start to take action. But it's a little bit daunting for people to think about that whole idea of entrepreneurship. Right, because you didn't. It's not just about the fact that it's a, it's a mostly, if not all, female driven company that you started, but that you started a company, right? Tell us a little bit about, like, how you tackled that, if you will.

Speaker 3: 7:28

Yeah, that's a that's a great question, and I honestly think that a lot of naivete had to come into play here, because I think that I was so like in 2018, I was so delusional to the sense that like this doesn't exist and like why not me? That I was just like I kind of just dove head first, right, and I was fortunate, you know, to have my co-founder, natalie, who was like, yes, okay, let's do the dang thing, and I think that A lot of crazy idea can go a long way. But, like, the passion behind crazy ideas can also really, really carry you and I have that at least to thank for my journey. I feel like I'm a filmmaker by trade, but like I'm a business owner by like necessity. Like I didn't set out thinking like, yeah, let's run a company, let's learn how to make proposals, let's do budgets, let's blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, but it's just kind of like you kind of do that or don't create right. So I was kind of like, okay, whatever I can learn, like as I go and I'm still obviously learning like I'm nowhere near. You know, it's always a journey, but I think, in terms of like the entrepreneur side, it's like I'm a natural networker. So I did have that kind of going for me.

Speaker 3: 8:50

I love talking to people, I like connecting and I feel like as soon as I found the mission behind what I wanted to do talking to people, it was easy, right Cause it's like I'm obviously very passionate about it. I can talk for days like I want to work with other people that have that kind of mentality. So that kind of, I feel like, has been my saving grace, because it's not like I'm going out selling things or I'm pitching something that I don't inherently like want to exist. It's just kind of like everyone should be on board with this, like we should all want to see this diversity, just see what we don't see. And I think that is kind of like the underlining thing I keep going back to when I have to learn a new skill or I have to negotiate or have to do something. I feel like I always fall back on like why am I doing this? Yeah, and that kind of just makes the crappy parts better, because it's still, in my opinion, like making a difference.

Speaker 1: 9:55

Well, I think that you're making a huge point and this is something that comes up in coaching all the time and I'm sure it does with Janice as well with the lifestyle and fitness and stuff like that too is you have to remember your why Cause? That's your driving force, that's your motivation, and if you don't have something that's going to motivate you to do things and get uncomfortable, then why are you even doing it? So there's a different why question. So the fact that you naturally go back to that obviously having the OG Godfather, jp Reynolds, probably helps a little bit with this. Definitely helps.

Speaker 1: 10:31

Stitch is a confidence coach and you got it in your back pocket and so. But that is such a huge thing for somebody. That and I don't know how old you are, but you're definitely younger than Janice and I at your age is such a huge gift that you have already, because it took me into my 30s, late 30s, to figure that shit out. So I'm excited for you because you've already got some of those tools. That is pushing you forward. So it's just the beginning. It's so much fun.

Speaker 3: 11:08

I want you as my alarm every morning.

Speaker 1: 11:10

That would be awesome.

Speaker 2: 11:12

That's where I can make more money. I can make more money I love the alarm clock. Oh, my God, I love it, I love it.

Speaker 3: 11:20

Please, please, trademark and market.

Speaker 2: 11:22

that I love that. You said you didn't know the business piece, right. You just kind of had to jump in and figure it out. And that's a whole other conversation, right, that we could dig into, because I feel like so many people are so daunted by that, this idea that, oh, I have to have this and this and this and this all lined up perfectly before I can kind of take the leap. And again, what your message seems to be is it's gonna be muddy and it's gonna be messy, but you have to jump in, right. If you don't jump in, never get there. Again, it's that idea of just do so, you have to start somewhere.

Speaker 1: 11:55

Yeah, you do, and not only that, but having a good support system helps you make those moves, and a lot of small business owners or entrepreneurs they jump into it and they learn as they go. Some of them get paralysis by analysis. I just not perfect, I can't do this whatever. But even no matter how successful you are, they always need to coach. They always need somebody to help them, have that sounding board and do those things, because you reveal so many different things, and the fact is that you, too, have a business coach as well, and so just having that resource is so supportive and helpful. So all you business owners out there, go get a coach, a good one that's gonna sit and listen and help you with you first and then your business Cause that's where the work needs to start.

Speaker 2: 12:42

Such a great point. Such a great point. So tell us a little bit about you mentioned, as we were coming in, scars unseen, right, and you don't have to go right there if you want, but we'd love to hear a little bit about some of the work that you've done in the last five years that you feel like has been really either groundbreaking or important to your being able to kind of continue to develop the company and then bring us into the current, which is your current project, that you're really focused on.

Speaker 3: 13:07

Ooh, okay, what? Where do I start? I guess for me, there's been quite a few projects that I feel like I'm really, really proud of. Obviously, scars are unseen. I think is like the mecca so far for me and for this company, just in terms of, like, the amount of time and energy and resources and everything that we have put in, like this has been.

Speaker 3: 13:34

This project was probably, is probably as old as the company. Like this was one of the very first things we pitched to an incubator lab with film independent and Loyola Marymount University and we were accepted into and from there it was a totally different story. Back then it started as just a series and before then it was just a feature focused on one person and now it is a feature based on three people. So we have evolved like format wise a very long way from there. But I'll start with scars on scene, because I'm already talking here about it.

Speaker 3: 14:14

But scars on scene is a triumph of the human spirit documentary following three women who have overcome domestic violence and are paying it forward. And this is a very, very relevant topic, I think, even more so than now, than when I started, just because of the COVID-19 pandemic. It was like one in four women up until like 2018, 2019. And then now it's one in three, and that exacerbated the problem because of COVID-19. And so do I wish this project existed when it was meant to come out three years ago? Yes, but do I think that it's probably an even better time now for it? Yeah, like I think now we're even in a more open minded state to like, receive and talk about this content and to really start conversations and to continue breaking the stigma around this topic of domestic violence.

Speaker 2: 15:13

So tell us a little bit then about you. You said the format evolved, meredith, so tell us a little bit about how that evolution happened. Did it happen because of the people, like, ultimately, the three women who came into the space, or how did the evolution happen?

Speaker 3: 15:27

Yeah, so initially we met our first interviewee, trish, and we were going to just focus on her story and through working with her and her nonprofit, we actually met our second interviewee and then from there, through our crowdfunding campaign, we actually were contacted by our third interviewee who saw the crowdfunding campaign.

Speaker 3: 15:49

I still have the most beautiful voicemail saved on my phone that she called and left this message and shared her story with us and that was so cool because I just felt like it was it was all coming together right, like these women were coming forward and these stories were like so different and so powerful on their own, but like together they kind of paint this larger picture and view of how different domestic violence is and how many different layers and ways that this is an issue, because I think we only really get to see one version in terms of the content that's already out there and it always always focuses on the gory aspects and like the abuse details itself, and I feel like that does a very big disservice to the women and men involved in domestic violence situations, because there is so much hope out there and there are so many resources for healing and there is so much progress that these women specifically have made that.

Speaker 3: 16:55

I was like why are we focusing on that when we should be yes, like we should be focusing on what can happen and the other side, right, the living with trauma, as is a society being trauma informed? Like how can we do better as opposed to harking on the negative?

Speaker 1: 17:18

Right. Well, it's crazy because right before we came on, I'm talking to my friend out in Wisconsin and we were talking about this exactly because, even though I come from domestic violence, from multiple situations of domestic violence, and it's not over when you're out of that person's energy, it's never over because it's instilled inside of you and I feel like the reason why people still talk about that is because it's never resolved. If you don't get help, don't resolve it yourself. So that's what they harp on. Well, you're not getting hurt anymore or whatever.

Speaker 1: 18:04

You chose to stay, whatever the case may be, but we're having a normal conversation and something that was said I had to like. I was like okay, hold on, I need so. When I said this, I was joking, but a little bit I wasn't, because it triggered me and let me explain why. And so and he sat and listened in, was like, oh my gosh, I'm sorry, but it was, but it still stuck with me because it brought it all back up and it's something just how I was treated when I was sick in an abusive relationship and it didn't feel supportive, it didn't feel anything, and he was joking around and being like oh, do this. And I was like, oh yeah, no, no, I feel it all here. No hold on time out. But my responsibility is for him is to say I don't like this and this is why. So this is a trigger for me. That's what. That's my responsibility Now it's his responsibility to remember that and then we can talk about it again or whatever, if we need to.

Speaker 1: 19:17

But it never stops. It's always there until you can fully resolve it, and I've obviously done a lot of work on myself and didn't get upset and said, well, you're just an asshole, I'm never gonna talk to you again. I was like you have no idea what you just said and how it affected me, so let me help you. It's so important for that, and that's why I feel like what your work, that you're doing, is so important, because it's the aftermath, it's the ripple effect, it's all of those things. We're away from the abusers now, those of us who have done the things that we need to do, but it's never gone, and so that's why your work is so important, and I just wanted to share that with you. So Thank you.

Speaker 3: 19:59

I really appreciate you and you are a powerhouse and I think that you are doing the work that so many people need and are yearning for also, and I feel like you just have taken this upon yourself as well, just as a responsibility, almost, like to educate and to change that conversation right, to not just keep sweeping things under the rug and shrugging it off Like you're standing up for yourself every time that you do that, and I think that when you stand up for yourself, you stand up for everyone, right right, and I'm a true believer in doing it publicly as well, not in a bad, negative way, because there's so many people that do that and they just talk out of the side of their neck and nobody listens.

Speaker 1: 20:46

That's what they want. They want people to do that, but how? We're doing it one person at a time, and being so intentional with everything that we do and making sure that the message that we are conveying is exactly how we feel and how we want other people to feel, people that just go out and go. Oh well, it's this, because this is what the book says and blah, blah, blah. No, that's one person's version of it and that's not fair. So we have to do it through love and support and coaching and just time, and it's not just throw money at a problem and keep shoveling the same shit down their throat and they'll just finally swallow it. No, we're not doing that. Neither is she. Tv media.

Speaker 2: 21:34

So there it is, what do you feel like as the story kind of unfolded and you ended up with these three women and their experiences? What do you feel like are some of the kind of commonalities Like where did their stories intersect? Because I'm making an assumption that it's in part that intersection that really is a focus of what you're trying to accomplish with a project.

Speaker 3: 22:00

I think, really, the themes that came out pretty strong were are that all of these women not only wanted to get out for themselves and to create a better life for themselves, but they all were like how can I help the next person, how can I help one person, how can I change one person's day, one person's life, one person's? And like that just naturally came up in our conversations and our interviews and our things, and it was just like each one of them said if I can help one person, and I was like that's amazing, like if that is the overarching feeling of of these survivors, there's such power in that and I feel like there's such like community in that as well, and that is kind of something that I was like these are women doing amazing things, and not only are they doing amazing things for themselves, they're also paying it forward. They're also looking to the next person behind them and saying how can I bring you up with me? And I think that is a huge, huge theme and also just like the strength of each of these women, I think is very beautiful and very obvious, because their stories are insane, they're heartbreaking, they're earth shattering to certain.

Speaker 3: 23:31

I've been obviously inundated with this content for a very long time. But for someone who's never, never even thought twice about what this is, what this could look like, what this could feel like, like I don't really have words. I think that is why the triumph of the human spirit aspect is so huge and I wanna see more content like that and I wanna make more content like that because it is there inherently like as humans, right. So that's something that's so cool that I feel like we just kind of touch on Like it's not obviously the whole everything. We can't in this whole document, we can't even touch on everything, we can't approach it from every single angle. But I think that is like my takeaway and I hope other people's takeaways too.

Speaker 2: 24:22

That's so powerful and I think that, meredith, listen to you talk. It's like you said, if you're somebody who nothing like this kind of trauma has ever been a part of your purview, right, having people who can come forward and share share both, like you said, what their story has been, but also, importantly to your point, jane, not only what happened before but what is happening now, right, and how, like you said, they're striving to make the difference for one single person. And, as I was doing just the brief reading, meredith, that's on the website for CTV one of the things that really struck me was your language around de-stigmatizing the idea of victimhood. Right, and I feel like that has been.

Speaker 2: 25:04

This idea of the stigma that does exist around victimhood has been one of the biggest kind of levers that people who are inclined to violence so the people who perpetrate domestic violence on others this stigma around victimhood has been a major lever for them. Right, just knowing and understanding that people are hesitant to talk about it and are worried about what it will look like and what people think. That's what they hide behind. Right, it's absolutely what they hide behind. So talk to us a little bit about kind of that idea of de-stigmatizing victimhood and how you're approaching that through this documentary.

Speaker 3: 25:43

Yeah, that I think it's different for each person and for each interviewee's story in terms of how they view it, but in general I'll say it's almost like I think I have to check, but I think we include this in the film. But if not, one of our experts says imagine a crime, any other crime where the impetus is on the victim, and I think just that mentality as a society is what is keeping this victimhood stereotype alive, right, like it's your fault. Yeah Well, you think of just that belief, I feel like, is what is the biggest issue, right? And it's like how can we break that down? Why is that? Why, like, what is the root of that?

Speaker 1: 26:37

Why? Well, I think it goes back to our judicial system where it's innocent until proven guilty, but we're gonna throw your ass in jail and you're gonna sit there and rot and whatever. Or, oh, you say you're innocent and all these people are saying you are. But it's that mentality of you did something to do this, to get here, and that really bothers me, because you know the whole aspect of, well, you need to not wear sexy clothes and you wouldn't have been manhandled or you shouldn't have done this or you shouldn't have done that. Hold on, so listeners are gonna love that.

Speaker 1: 27:17

I'm outside and I'm in the flight lane of my freaking airport over here, so I get the little personal planes that like sputter and stuff, so they get really. But it's that aspect of you, just, it's that fight for survival. So now I've been victimized, I've been assaulted, I've been all of these things, and now I have to prove that that's what happened. And some people don't have that in them, they just don't, and so they roll over, sweep it under the rug and keep going. And that's where it compiles and people become okay with it, because nobody was there to advocate for them or support them and they didn't have a resource or whatever it is, and I think it's just how our society works, and so it's just like oh, it's just easy just to go, well, prove it, and if you don't have the guts to prove it, then it just fuck you. That's where I think it comes from.

Speaker 2: 28:08

So I 100% agree with your perspective on the judicial system, no question about it. I feel like there's also some things that come before that, and what I mean by that is like it's daunting. Like you said, right, if you have the courage to come forward, it's incredibly daunting to face the judicial system you just described, jane, but there's also just the sheer shame. I feel, yes, and the result of being right and a victim Like this happened. Regardless of what it was right, whatever happened to you, I feel like, as a human being, some of our first feelings about those situations and of course, I'm speaking from my victimhood as a child is shame, right.

Speaker 2: 28:47

It guilt is what did I do that might have caused this? What did I do that might have? And so, right out of the gate it's almost like to your point, meredith, we are the ones pointing the fingers to ourselves, right out of the gate. That's like a human response.

Speaker 1: 29:00

Right. I mean I have a situation that happened to me in my 20s where and I did not report this to the police because of that fear that I was gonna lose my kids I was roofied and raped and this close to being left out in the desert and my survival skills kicked in and I got that person to bring me back to my friend's house, begging and pleading and doing all of those things and got back to my house and with my kids and I didn't report it because I was afraid that I would get my kids taken away from me. I was afraid because I let this happen and so I've never reported that to the police ever. I had nightmares about that person for years and I just lived with it because I was afraid.

Speaker 1: 29:52

And now, being twice the age, and I know so much better than that at this point, but it's those choices that we feel we have to make in those times of trauma and so we need to normalize talking about it. We need to tell people that it's okay to share this because that person's out hurting somebody else and somebody else and somebody else and somebody else, and we have to be the ones to break those cycles and speak on that. So this work is so important, meredith, it's so important, and I just happen to be somebody that's been traumatized over and over and over in their life, and so I can speak on that. But I'm also a well-rounded team and being that can get shit done and do those things, fortunately so you know, but I think

Speaker 3: 30:46

also to your point that like speaks on these systems that are supposed to protect you, that are supposed to be there to support you. That is a whole retraumatizing situation Experiencing. Yeah, right, like that's also part of the issue, right, if you can get over the shame, if we as a society and a person can get through the first couple hurdles, right, cause there's so many, and then who do you turn to? Right, like, who is it that's supposed to be there for you, that's supposed to protect you, that's supposed to invoke your legal rights, and if that system is not set up to approach you in a trauma-informed way?

Speaker 1: 31:25

Yeah.

Speaker 3: 31:26

It's going to end up probably keeping even more people from coming forward, which is what I think it has been.

Speaker 2: 31:34

I think you're absolutely right, and a really quick example would be a young woman who I knew during her college years and this is a I'm going to call it a simple example, and what I mean by that is to your point, meredith, about how the systems can be broken because of the people who are in them, right? So she was a young woman who came from a family where there was a lot of conversation before you go to college, especially as a young woman, right, all the different safety measures you have to be thinking about, all the different ways that you could be, things that you could do that could create a lack of safety, and avoiding all those, so fully prepared, ready to go, et cetera. And had an incident one time at like a I don't know that it was a frat, but like a party at a house or whatever and took a drink from somebody she knew and realized, like, like, within a very short period of time, started to feel really sick and so went outside and forced yourself to throw up because she started to feel something really odd. And so, long story short, she went to the ER that night because she was like I'm pretty sure I was like somebody put something in my drink. There's no question, right? And the response she got from the staff at the hospital was basically like where have you been? And the first question they asked was have you been drinking? Well, yeah, she had been drinking.

Speaker 2: 32:51

And when she answered yes to that question that the rest of the questions were along the lines of whatever this was was your fault, right, because if you've been drinking, really you're just a drunk girl. You're just a drunk. You're another drunk college girl. And don't get me wrong, in college towns all over the country, I'm sure that the ER staff are like, oh my God, right, a dime, a dozen on college girl who comes in, who rolls in here. But she was. It was completely talked up to that and she was so shamed and mortified from that and the only question, like I said, was have you been drinking?

Speaker 2: 33:20

Yes, from that point forward, whatever happened was her fault, based on the tone that she was so, fortunately, she had thrown up, she was fine and it all ended up as benign as it could have been. But can you imagine, right, as a 19, 20 year old young woman, that's what she's carrying forward. So guess what? Ers aren't for her now A safe place. They're not a place to go. She's been victimized because she can't be guaranteed that the people there who are going to be the people who help her right.

Speaker 1: 33:45

Right, little things. Yes, well, I mean, the reason why I never went to the police was because of when I was a kid, I wasn't protected by the police. My mother gets called. I have handprint bruises around my neck from her, choking me and making me pass out, sitting on my chest and she's three times bigger than me and they're like, oh, this stuff happens. I have blood, I mean, and I'm like they're like go back inside. And it's like, ok, I was attacked by my mother and the cops are just like just go back inside. And then the judicial system when she went to the courts and lied and said I was doing all these bad things and they take my kids away from me for two weeks until the court date.

Speaker 1: 34:29

So in my 20s this happens. I'm assaulted, I'm raped a couple of times. I'm like I am not saying a fucking word because I already know that they're not there for me. So I just need to shut my fucking mouth and thank God or whoever that I'm alive and just move on. And that's traumatized and survival mode that you just go into. You just go into survival mode, especially if you already have trauma. After trauma. After trauma, you compartmentalize, put that in a box and you move on, but you can only do that so long before it takes over your whole world, and that's what I had to learn. It took over my whole world. I was a servant to trauma. That's all I was. I wasn't living life for me, I was living life for everybody else and what their problems were, and I just had to ignore mine. And it took a lot of work to work on all of that stuff. But again, for the millionth time, and I will continue to say it, that's why this is so important.

Speaker 2: 35:29

So Well, and I do want to acknowledge, right, we have our well, we like to hope that they're extreme examples, right, we know there are a lot of good people out there in those roles who are working really hard, and a lot of hands that are tied because of regulations and the way things are written in, et cetera. So, Meredith, I'm wondering then, about like again, I just think this idea of destigmatizing victimhood is so critical. How do you feel like that comes through from the three women that you all focus on in the documentary?

Speaker 3: 36:02

I think that each of them kind of addresses what that means to them and how they've kind of internalized and in what way they have maybe felt like victims and how they don't want to be that or how they have kind of like overcome that or, you know, seen in hindsight, you know those instances where they felt like their power was taken away from them, and then also talking about, like, how they kind of have reclaimed to their power, which is amazing and that's a huge thing.

Speaker 3: 36:32

And I think, just also by these women being so willing and so open to talk about this, that's right In and of itself is helping, because there's so much power in a story, right, and having to recount their story and having to express this, but doing it because they know that, I think, is huge. And I also think, you know, they inspire me over and over and over and I think that there is so much, so much power in them reclaiming their story and sharing their story and hopefully to a larger audience as well, but even if so, to one person, right, like going back to that, there is a ripple effect, that's right. I have to believe that Absolutely.

Speaker 2: 37:21

Well, and I will say you said something when we first started, too, that really struck me, and that was the data around, like you know, before COVID I think you said it was one in four women and women and men and then, after COVID, one and three, because we know that people being locked down certainly translated to heightened violence, et cetera.

Speaker 2: 37:41

And I think that the other kind of piece with that, though and I'm curious about your perspective on this is that I'm an educator by nature, right, and so one of the things that I see happening in the districts that we work with across, you know, all over the place, is that there's so much more focus now on trauma. I feel like this idea of trauma-informed is actually front and center now, right, where people in schools especially, which is where kids who experience trauma end up. You know every single day, every single kid, that there's a destigmatizing of victimhood happening right now, just from the perspective that there's such a focus on being trauma-informed and recognizing the impact of trauma, regardless of, you know, where the trauma stems from, et cetera. So I'm curious about like whether it's particular to this project or just kind of in general your thoughts about that.

Speaker 3: 38:33

Yeah, I think in the last I would say I don't know three years. I think that, okay, it's kind of like two-part, it's like one. We all knew that as a society we had a lot of trauma that we were not dealing with before, not like COVID-19 happens. We all experienced another form of trauma on top of pre-existing trauma. Now we're trying to, everyone said, get back to a normal, which I think doesn't exist, but creating a new normal with all of those layers of trauma.

Speaker 3: 39:09

And I think, you know, for lack of better words, shit hit the fan and we were confronted and forced to deal with a lot of things. And I think it's amazing that we have this idea of trauma-informed care because, as humans, in every single sector of our lives, right, if legal, psychological, sociological, if we are all experiencing or have experienced varying levels of trauma, how can we function as a society without first addressing or at least being aware and starting from that place? Right, like starting from the acknowledgement, starting from this exists. I'm coming here, I acknowledge you, you know as you are, you know, acknowledging me as I am, and go from there. Yeah, I think it's amazing that it's happening just in all of these sectors, because we need it. We need trauma-informed care in our schools, we need it in our hospitals, we need it in our legal system. We need it in every single area of life.

Speaker 1: 40:19

Right? Well, I think there's so many different types of trauma-informed care because there are different. There's so many layers to it, right, there's historical trauma, there's current trauma. There's so many different things. There could be just hereditary trauma within a family and I have a very good friend of mine out in Georgia who you know we've been friends for 13 years and we have these conversations all the time because he is a middle-aged white male and he hears things, how people talk and stuff like that, and he's like, well, that should be over with, because you know, it's been 100 years and I'm like you don't get it at all, sir, and so I have to coach him. Like it's exhausting for me to talk to my best friend sometimes because I coach him and I'm like, dude, I'm going to send you a fucking invoice, okay like it's crazy, I'm filling you for these hours.

Speaker 1: 41:27

Yeah, this is why I love you man, because you like just tell me how it is and I'm like, yeah, it's a lot sometimes but, I love you, I love you, I love you so, but it's breaking down their shield because they're tired of hearing certain things or certain type of people says this and I don't like that, because that was 100 years ago or 200 years ago and they didn't go through that bullshit. They still are going through it today, every day, all day. You are unaware of it because you live in your own little bubble and that bubble consists of you know all your shields that you have and in all of the privilege that you have and all of the other things that you have that these other people don't. And so if you don't seek to understand and then to be understood, you will never get it. That's right, and he's like damn, but I'm like you think you already know knowledge does not equal understanding at all, and so until you're actually able to shut your own brain up, drop all of the biases and actually listen to the information that's coming to you from the source and with their energy, and not block it, you will never be able to do that, and that's why it is important, but it's important to speak their language to.

Speaker 1: 42:43

I've sat through trauma, informed care that was so clinical and so cold. It was just like, well, this doesn't do shit. Yeah, you have to have real people that have experienced that trauma to talk about stories from their their or or, bring stories. And there's so much power and storytelling and this is why we're doing what we're doing, because people want to connect on that level and if you're not speaking their language and doing it the way that they're going to understand, they're always going to miss the message. And so again, she TV media, you know like getting getting the actual people, not just some fucking doctor that sitting there and goes this is how people react to this and blah, blah, blah. And this is how you should treat them. Know, fuck that. I want to hear the story and I want to hear the passion behind it and why you're doing it, you know, because that's why that's going to move people.

Speaker 2: 43:38

That's what I love about what you're describing, meredith, is it's kind of the intersection of both, because you've referred to some of the experts and stuff that you guys have interviewed, and I couldn't agree more, jane right, like without that actual story and grabbing people and it's hard to have a big impact. Likewise, you've got the side of the brain right that says but what's the data, what's the research was? So it's that you guys are thinking about it across that way. So so scars unseen, emeritus, give us a. Is there a timeline in terms of when folks can expect to be able to actually see the documentary? Tell us a little bit about next steps for you guys.

Speaker 3: 44:16

Big next steps. I'm going to have picture locked, done with music by mid October.

Speaker 2: 44:24

Nice.

Speaker 3: 44:25

I don't know when this is going to go live, so you can edit this part out.

Speaker 1: 44:30

I'm hanging on the edge of their seats Before then.

Speaker 2: 44:36

Okay after effect yes, yeah.

Speaker 3: 44:38

Okay then, then we're we're going to basically go the festival circuit and submit to festivals at the same time as trying to secure a larger distribution, and also we'll be working on impact campaign, to partner with organizations for some kind of partner events depending depending on, like, the release time as well to really start putting this in places, to start those conversations or to act as a bit of a conversation opener. I guess you know, start started as a foundational point where you can build off of into a larger curriculum, maybe around trauma or around approaching domestic violence through the different lenses. And ultimately, I would really, really, really love to see this in universities and in educational sectors and advocacy groups to utilize as a tool.

Speaker 2: 45:33

That's pretty powerful. So that timeline is fantastic and I'm wondering what you you just made me think of a sorry. Just a few weeks ago saw the movie Sound of Freedom and what I really value. I valued a lot about it, but certainly there's a really intentional call to action at the end and it really ties nicely into this whole de-stigmatization of victimhood, because really at its core is talk about it right at its core is like say these things that are so uncomfortable to say out loud, begin to be aware of your surroundings and recognize that.

Speaker 2: 46:02

You know, if one in three women are mostly women, but are being, are, you know, victims of domestic violence, then that means that people sitting in my neighborhood right now, right around me, in my immediate neighborhood, that's happening right. So so if you had to say, like, with what you just said in terms of what you hope right, like, eventually this becomes a learning tool that we see using universities and with organizations, etc. What do you feel like? Like if, when I watch this, right, what is the? What do you feel like might be a call to action that you would hope that people like me, right, people like us, people who are just kind of watching from you know, hopefully on Netflix or who knows what the opportunity for mass distribution will be, but what do you hope will take away from it?

Speaker 3: 46:45

I hope a couple things, but I definitely hope that those watching, even if they've never experienced and this is their first encounter with this subject matter, that they do realize that you don't have to be personally affected to care and to get involved and to start conversations, because I think that the more that we can have people who have not had this be so passionate and be so, yes, we need to talk about this.

Speaker 3: 47:18

This is not okay. I'm going to stand up for you because you don't deserve that. You deserve so much better and if the tables were turned, I would hope the same for you, right for me. I really just want there to be. This is probably a huge goal, but I would love for people to watch and say you know what this does matter to me. Maybe this didn't happen to me, maybe it did happen to me, but I have a responsibility, or, you know, I at least can have the compassion and the wherewithal to understand that it's not going to get better unless we all care unless we all start talking about it.

Speaker 2: 47:57

Embracing the we, not me, concept. Right, the idea of really focusing on the we there. I love that. I just I want to echo Jane said it many times but this work is so important and I just commend you for having the courage to take the step to start your own company, to focus it in the way that you're focusing in it, to really make sure it becomes a hub of empowering women and bringing the, the female lens, to the view, and all that you do and certainly in this particular project. So is this where is your website where people can go to see any of the things that you all have done so far? Is that the primary? Where do you want us to go to find you guys?

Speaker 3: 48:35

Yeah, the website she TV mediacom or she TV dot me is great. There's a also scars on scenecom specifically for the documentary, also on Instagram, but our website has all of our previous work, so that's a good place to start.

Speaker 2: 48:51

I love that. That's awesome. So you know, jane. Final thoughts as we wrap up with Meredith.

Speaker 1: 48:56

You know I think I said enough during this episode, but you know, I just I really appreciate the work that you're doing, meredith, and thank you for you know joining us and and bringing a fresh perspective to, to domestic violence and, you know, being somebody that has not experienced it but is an advocate. I thank you, you know, because you one of my favorite things to say is be the change you want to see. You know, and and you are doing that work, so I, you know I totally respect that and appreciate it, and you know, and I wish you all the well and hope to have you back, you know, and I mean after the venture when, Mary, she's going to come back.

Speaker 2: 49:40

We were all to you when she was a little. Yes.

Speaker 3: 49:44

I would be like Jane and Janice are the ones. Yeah, they set me up for success. I really do appreciate you giving me just an opportunity to talk about this and to talk about this project in my company. I think I love what you're doing and I think the more of this the better, right, so thank you, thank you, thank you for having me. I really I everyday with you.

Speaker 2: 50:10

Well, we'll be calling you. Thanks. Oh yeah, we'll be good yeah thanks for offering that.

Speaker 3: 50:17

Thank you for taking me on the slot you know, yeah, okay, cool, awesome.

Speaker 1: 50:21

Well, thank you so much, and I think that's the end of our episode, so we will say everybody thanks for listening, as always.

Speaker 2: 50:27

Do all the things, share like, subscribe. Do all the things and we're going to see you next time.

Speaker 3: 50:35

Thank you.