Dumpster Diving with Janice & Jane Podcast
Dumpster Diving with Janice & Jane Podcast
Holiday Magic Unwrapped: Laughter, Family Traditions, and Setting Boundaries This Festive Season
This holiday episode dives into the humorous and awkward moments that often accompany family gatherings, exploring the concept of the "ick" and the importance of setting boundaries. Janice and Jane share personal anecdotes of holiday chaos and emphasize the value of self-care amidst the seasonal hustle and bustle.
• Disclaimers about the holiday spirit and personal experiences
• Exploration of the “ick” phenomenon in relationships
• Sharing of individual "ick" stories
• Importance of setting boundaries during family gatherings
• Discussion on best and worst Christmas memories
• Navigating the pressures of holiday gift-giving
• Empowering listeners to prioritize self-care during the holidays
• Reflection on the value of curation in family experiences
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and Happy Holiday fellow Dumpster Divers!
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good, you're listening to dumpster diving with janice and jane and this is our uh holiday edition. I got my mini muggins uh, he's mary, with some lights.
Speaker 2:You know we're both drinking coffee, I think still um disclaimer if you have uh or are prone to seizures, don't watch the YouTube version, unless you want to see Jane do a spit take, in which case go ahead, yeah.
Speaker 1:Because that is funny and yeah. So if you do suffer from seizures, from bright lights or just annoyance, don't watch our show.
Speaker 2:If you suffer from seizures due to the annoyance, don't ever watch our show. Don't watch our show If you suffer from seizures.
Speaker 1:Due to annoyance don't ever watch our show. Exactly, that's what I'm like. Or due to annoyance Every episode we should start doing this.
Speaker 2:So one of the podcasters that I listen to you and I have talked about this before is Armchair Anonymous or Armchair Experts, and they do this episode where you know people. They have a prompt and people call in and tell their their stories, but they always do a disclaimer at the beginning to tell you like if there's like death stories or a great story, we should just start disclaiming every episode that we do oh my god, that would be great.
Speaker 1:Like okay, today's disclosure is I like it. You're just not gonna like us afterwards if you don't like christmas don't listen to this episode if you don't like, if you're a bah humbug, don't listen to this episode.
Speaker 2:If you're a grinch, I don't listen to this episode.
Speaker 1:If you're a Baham bug, don't listen to this episode. If you're a Grinch, I don't even want to talk to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, If you think you have the perfect Christmas every year, don't listen to this episode.
Speaker 1:We're about to no no Cause, we cause we were just discussing, if you don't like it looking like Christmas threw up. Yeah, we're going to give you the ick because Christmas threw up in my office this morning.
Speaker 2:You're not our people, you're not our people.
Speaker 1:We, we are Chachki loving Christmas decorating people.
Speaker 2:And.
Speaker 1:I mean, we decorate ourselves. Look at us.
Speaker 2:That's right, right, see, it's, it's. It's well what I here's what I know about our listeners, jane. I know that they rely on me to bring the class, and so you know I have to, and so is my part. Yes, um, I was gonna say what was that look? Yes, I feel. Well, I actually feel like maybe neither one of us well no, actually we both have nice butts.
Speaker 1:I think that we got that. That's actually true, okay, that part we both have nice butts. And I will say no idea, our conversation was going actually true, okay, that part we both have nice butts.
Speaker 2:And I will say I had no idea our conversation was going to land here. By the way, I'm not really sure how we got here.
Speaker 1:I don't think that we should stand up and turn around or anything, but I'm just saying, like sisters, like we, definitely from the backside, we look, there you go.
Speaker 2:There you go, we keep. We've we've had many conversations about what qualities did we get from our father's people?
Speaker 1:evidently, that's it evident or our moms had great asses, because my mom had a great ass or has a great ass, like she's always had a bubble butt, like I don't feel like my mom does not, that I I mean again, it's been a long time since I've seen her ass, so I don't yeah, it's been a long time since I've seen my mom's ass. I mean, the last time I saw my mom's ass was, I think I was like 14.
Speaker 2:I wonder how long this is a trauma.
Speaker 1:This is a trauma story.
Speaker 2:So again, I can't tell you where this is going, so be warned, go ahead. Trauma story about your mother's ass. Let's hear it so.
Speaker 1:I'm asleep, it's 3 AM. Yes, I hear a rustle in my room or I feel like somebody is in there, like you know how you like wake up and like your kids staring at you, and you're like, ah, you know, like that. Well, I'm like 14, 15. I'm in my room and this first time I ever had my own room and I had a big vanity mirror and all you know like it was and it was always clean. I feel somebody in my room and I crack open my eyes and it's my naked mother in my room looking in the mirror. Ooh, it looks like I've lost some weight and she's naked, like in my room it's only like full mirror, like I lost some weight, and she was like, oh, I can't wait to start wearing Laura's clothes. Like what the fuck.
Speaker 2:She thinks you're asleep. Yeah, what the fuck? Cause she thinks you're asleep.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Looking at herself in the mirror and discussing with herself how soon she's going to be wearing my clothes.
Speaker 2:Oh, very quick parenting lesson. Don't do that, it's weird.
Speaker 1:You're welcome and traumatizing, yeah, like. But you know, like some people, wow, wow, oh there and just do weird shit and to say my life was normal as a you know our regulars know very wrong, no different so wow. Well, let's get back into the holiday spirit and let's talk about it.
Speaker 2:Okay, let's talk about it because our, our listeners aren't going to know this, but before we hopped on, we were talking about a bunch of crap. But one of the things is like this funny video you just saw, right, tell us about the ick, because we have ick stories.
Speaker 1:We have ick stories and it's funny because I never knew that this was a term and and recently I started hearing it, so it's like probably a newer thing. But this comedian I was watching a reel and this comedian comes on and he was like, yeah, he was like I had no idea about the ick. He's like I have a female friend that was like, yeah, the guy gave me the total ick and I knew I wasn't going to sleep with him. And he was like what is the ick? And she goes you know, just one of those small things that you do and it just like get, just gives you the ick. Like you're like well, give me an example, she goes. Well, just last week I was on a date with somebody and we went to the park and he sat crisscross applesauce on the on the park on the grass. I was like no way, I like that, just cracked my shit up because I was like I've so been there where it's just one little thing and you're just like.
Speaker 1:I could never even imagine nothing, like nothing, no intimacy whatsoever. And so they went on to a couple other ones and then they gave a. He got some examples from other friends and the other one that cracked me up was she goes, yeah, he went to pay for dinner. He takes out his wallet and I hear I was done. I was like, yes, and he goes. I didn't know, I was one Velcro wallet or crisscross applesauce away from not getting screwed that night. He goes, this is crazy. And so it just made me think about. Like multiple things popped up in my head and my dating stuff like that, especially when I was younger. Like you know, like certain things you're just like what, what was that? Like you didn't even know people did that shit. You know like oh my God. So, yeah, it just cracked me up and then when I brought it up, you were like two things. So what are you? What are your two things?
Speaker 2:Which is funny, because I don't necessarily think that we. I think what's interesting about that video is that it shows that we don't actually know in advance what it is. We don't want to be walking around with a list of oh, my God if he does this, walking around with a list of oh my god and so, so, and, and I think for me, like I'm thinking the crisscross and even the um, the velcro, like there's something about them that don't feel particularly masculine. And if you're attracted to a male for masculine, you know masculinity. So for me, I can think of two things.
Speaker 2:This is just random and i't even I've never thought about it this way until you said this, like when a man stands with his hand on his hip, right, that's so specific, I know, but every time I, it's always just like I, and that's terrible. I shouldn't, it's true, it's terrible, but it's true. We're being really true. Yeah, it does seem feminine to me and because you know, you know, and I'm a married woman, I'm not looking to be attracted to other men, but it just becomes a process very effeminate to me. And, again, that's perfectly okay, unless I'm thinking that you might be a partner of mine, because that's not yeah, no, no, no, my, no, my, my partner needs to have a certain, you know, stature or like like I said, I hadn't even thought about it, but the other one that popped into my head.
Speaker 2:This is always my go-to. Um attempted actually two, but they're they're the same thing. Bad pickup lines right like cheesy, cheesy, bad pickup lines. And both times the guy used his name, so so when he said it, I knew you've said this to 5,000 women because it was like right there One was.
Speaker 2:I remember like when I was back in my twenties and living in Virginia and stuff in college, and a guy at like a bar coming up beside me and doing the whole hey, I'm Ken, you know, like Ken and Barbie barf, right. And then the second one I was actually a teenager. My parents were trying to we're thinking about joining a gym. That literally when gyms were first a thing a million years ago. And same thing. I remember a trainer there. I'm like 16, 17 years old. He's an adult male, probably, maybe, maybe not maybe 18, 19 years old, but it's not like he was, but still. And I remember him, um same thing, walking up behind me, I'm like standing on the whatever. And he's like hey, I'm Adam, you know, like Adam and Eve. So that like twice, oh, my god, you're like this is a nightmare. Oh, so gross. So those are my icks, those are my?
Speaker 1:what about you? Okay, well, you know, I've had plenty of of icks in my life where I was just like it's such a turnoff, and that's really what it is. It's such a turnoff like I thought you were cool. Oh my god, I need to find this video. I saw there was this, it was. It was. This was like. This was the visual ick if I had ever seen one. So this lady gets on a treadmill, this guy gets on a treadmill and she looks over and he's hot. Right, he's all built. He needs to work on his legs, but you know he's built and he's like beeping the treadmill and he's like, oh okay.
Speaker 1:So she straightens her ponytail and like, and she's like running and there's somebody's watching it, right. And then the guy finally gets his speed on and he jumps on and he literally starts running like this, like his arms are like flailing around and her face, like the dread in her face, she was just like and went away like he was so like weird floppy running. She was just, it was like the ick. She got off that treadmill so fast. It was hilarious, and then that was a couple days ago, so then this tied it in. I was just like, oh my god, but that was like a total, like you know, science project but you're right, it waits to turn off, right, like that's right.
Speaker 2:So you don't even know, necessarily until you see or hear it. And then you're like, oh, this is horrible, horrible, horrible right right.
Speaker 1:So so one of mine is like a bad kisser, like and, and I like bad kissers but define it, because bad kissing can mean lots of things.
Speaker 2:What does it mean to?
Speaker 1:you Okay. So there's a couple of different versions of bad kissers. The bad kissers are like the little they like, like, kind of like, just like, move their lips around on yours. What is this? And then the other one is the sloppy kisser. If I pull back and I have drool on my face, like you need to like do something, like there should be no drool on my face, it should not like. And their mouth is wide open, like I can't, no.
Speaker 2:I can't. You just made me think of one, rose. I'm sorry the whole time. I'm really sorry. I just thought of one and it's like when somebody kisses you and like like you're going into the French level of kissing, but their tongue just sits there.
Speaker 1:Yes, what is that? And you're like what?
Speaker 2:Yeah, but you're like I've never been kissed like that before, Obviously Like this is horrifying, though, because, as I think about us describing it, I'm like kissing is disgusting yeah we're putting our dirty tongues in each other's mouths.
Speaker 1:I don't know Like. I mean, we just ate a garlic bread. I don't know Right. Kissing in general is just disgusting, but fun and a total turn on. It's the most disgusting turn on ever it really is, it should be the ultimate ick, and it's not.
Speaker 2:I don't know, I don't know how it should be oh my god, there's another one.
Speaker 1:I don't know if I could, even.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm gonna say it so just don't make us vomit no, I saw this other reel I don't know why these are all popping into my head right now where this guy is dropping off his wife at her high school reunion and she was like. He's like, oh, have fun. She's like, oh yeah, I'm gonna see all my people and she jumps out of the car. Before she closes the door, she goes. Some of the guys here fingered me bye and closed the door and skipped off and he goes oh, imagine that you're going back to your high school reunion.
Speaker 2:If you're facing those people now and you're all gonna pretend like it didn't happen, we're all gonna pretend like it didn't the car tells her husband oh my god, I was like that is the best relationship ever, like that Amazing.
Speaker 1:So, anyway, some terrible kissers, you know um, but also little things like um a dirty house, like a nasty bathroom, like I can't like if I see, if, if there's any, if it, no, no, no, because here's the way.
Speaker 2:I look at that Like if you, let's say, it's a one night stand, right, if you left your house tonight thinking my goal is to get lucky, I'm bringing some person back here, you better clean your house. And you didn't bother to clean your house. That says a lot about you.
Speaker 1:Oh, totally Seriously. It says a lot about how they treat the people in their life seriously.
Speaker 2:It says a lot about how they treat the people in their life like and how they manage their life right. All the above, all the things.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, I'm never home, so my house is a mess. Well, you're probably never home because you're avoiding cleaning your home, you know yeah, we talked about that.
Speaker 2:The whole thing, exactly no no, that's chaos you know, all kind of stuff.
Speaker 1:A nasty car, like a dirty, nasty, gross car? No, like it doesn't need to be immaculate, but like if, if I see that it's like that, no, I don't know Cause that tells me a lot, that tells me a lot, but little funny things.
Speaker 2:Like you know, there's some gross things that I've seen people do and I'm like all right, we're not going to get much grosser, we're going to have to get another disclaimer but like there's yeah, we'll have to have another disclaimer, but like certain things where I've witnessed like family members and stuff like that, and I'm just like how are we?
Speaker 1:How are you? So anyways but um, onward and upward. So those are some icks, you know. I just thought that was funny and we were just cracking up about it. But like forward, and upward so we're going to.
Speaker 2:This is like our holiday version. We're going to assume this is our like new year's wrap up too, because we don't know if we're going to record again between now and new year's, because we're not that organized well, and we also have a shit ton of stuff going on.
Speaker 1:We have a shit ton.
Speaker 2:So maybe we will, maybe we won't. So, in case we don't, we're going to wrap it up and if, for some reason, we do, we'll call it a bonus or we'll pretend it's a new year, whatever, people will never know, except that I just said it, but regardless. So we're talking about you know, and it could be like best Christmas Christmas memory as a kid, worst Christmas memory as a kid, but leading into like things to think about as folks are approaching the holidays. Everybody's about to pile into their cars, hop on airplanes, go visit the fam Just some of those reminders.
Speaker 2:We've done this before, but we know that it's important for us to hear them over and over again, especially as we think about, like, parenting and our kiddos and what's okay and what's not okay and all the fun stuff. So that's what we're going to talk about, and hopefully a little bit more humor that goes along with that, along with some sage, sage advice, some wisdom, some wisdom to share, and then we'll sage you on the way out. Exactly, exactly. That's right, that's right. So do you want to go first? What do you want to do?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Like so we were talking like best and worst Christmases and there's as kids I was just talking to somebody about this the other day I'm like I know I gave my mom a bad rap about everything, right, but there were certain things that I really appreciated about growing up that she did, that were super special and cool, that no other parents really did. So it was like I felt special because my friends were like I didn't get a stocking like that. Like my mom, like we, we never really had a lot of money for a lot of presents. Right, it was. It was very rare that we got something big, but but the stocking was always on. You know, the stocking always had a handful of certain things that were always in there, a giant jawbreaker at the toe, like one of those big ones from, and they would go to the candy store in Santa Cruz, like you know, for those for that time it was like really cool, they would have like saltwater taffy and some nuts and oranges and like all of that stuff. But then I have like cool, like things that you needed like hair ties or underwear or you know. But then there was also little trinkets and little different things in there, maybe a pair of earrings. That was super small and wrapped up, so it was really cool because that was like the best part about Christmas.
Speaker 1:So and we got to open the stockings before they got up. So it was like, go open your stocking, so we got to sit there and eat little candies and stuff, like the stocking is always, you know, pretty dope for the girls, like I, for all my kids, like even, even, like even last year, I would send like stockings to my kids you know my kids and and each year I'd get them a cool stocking. So I'm sure they have a collection of different stockings. I even did their initials on them one year and stuff. So you know, I always do a little something different. This year they're getting a handmade card, so this year they're getting handmade card, cause that's all I can afford, but but yeah, so that was always fun and you know, and we would, we would do stuff like that.
Speaker 1:But also Christmas was also like a show at our house. You, you know, once they got up it was a nightmare, like it was. So like we, we loved that quiet time before they got up because it was just us kids opening up our stuff and just letting them sleep and right our favorite part because once they got up like it was, it was over, you know, the fun was over. It was bitching and moaning and screaming and do this, do that? You guys are ungrateful, wow, you know, like it was just always something. So so there's always a little. It was like always bittersweet the holidays, because it was no matter what the holiday was, it was always like that, you know there was always a little something special, but then there was always so the the bs that went with it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but uh, those are that's. That's kind of it. Like I have never had like a Christmas where I was like this is the best Christmas ever. It was always just so low key, you know, and um, and I've never like had anybody make a big deal about me, like relationship wise or anything. So it's always just been like me like I always give the gifts and don't really get any. So that's how it's always been.
Speaker 2:So I'd never, like you know, give her mentality right, Like you're the one who gives them and yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I want everybody to be happy. That makes me happy, you know. I mean, I'm sure one one, one year, one, one time, some some way down the road, somebody will do something spectacular for me. But you know like for me it's about doing it for everybody else you know.
Speaker 2:No, I get that. It's interesting. I feel like I wonder how much of this is like a mom thing, um, because I think I have a similar mentality about like I'm the person who makes sure all the stockings get stuffed. I'm the person who makes sure all the you know um, and Joe's really great, but he definitely, like it's almost like you have to. He has to be prompted right. Like and I've heard this so many times from moms like, oh, I stock my own stocking or I do my own you know, that kind of stuff I do every year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I you know there's so much similarity between us and I'm not shocking giving our similar childhoods, but because I you know, as I think about it, it's like there is no distinct best or worst. There are good and bad that went with every holiday, right, like there was no standalone holiday where it just was no drama, no, whatever. But interestingly enough and again I think this, the one way I relate to my mom is that in the midst of all the crazy and the horror and the abuse and the right, you know, horrific stuff, she had a mom heart or she has not dead, but you know, not my world, my mom she had the mom's heart, or she at least she did then.
Speaker 2:And what I mean by that is, like, as I think, about the preparation that goes into deciding the gifts and getting the gifts and making sure the gifts are there. And my mom is who I got the decorating from, Like my mom always decorated, Like I remember the house we grew up in, you know, was on a pretty big piece of property and there were these this is such a random memory these two holly trees, like we had a horseshoe driveway and there were these two really big holly trees and I it's so funny because when I think back I don't necessarily I know she did lights all around the house. I don't, I can't really picture that, but I picture these holly trees because she would always put the really giant colored bulbs in them, you know all the way up.
Speaker 2:And it's such an interesting way that our brain works Right Cause I have such a vivid memory of that. But she, you know, there were a couple of Christmases, like one year, where we got the three of us got bikes, like 10 speed bikes, right, right. One year I think I've told this. Yeah, exactly this. I told this story about one year how I was taking piano lessons and they surprised me because they bought a neighbor's like used piano and they made a big deal about so but and to and so, like that moment, right where you're just like oh, my god, this is amazing. But then, like an hour later, everybody's screaming at each other, like you said, you're so ungrateful, you guys have like it's just the negative that sucks it out. But I but I have to remind myself that, okay, but somewhere in there was a mother's heart, because she took the time to do that. She took the time to think about it.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean, but I think, and I think, that part of it is maybe you know she was like us. They were like us where you know we're going to give, give, give, give, give and and for us to not receive. I think because we've seen how people can react to that Like cause. I mean the. The experiences that I had with giving gifts to my mom was not fun because it was. It was always like this isn't what I wanted. Why?
Speaker 1:did you buy me this. I remember one time that my stepdad bought my mom some perfume and like there's perfume, and then there's a day toilet, all a toilet is like a little watered down but it's a more affordable, but it's the same sense and everything she bought. He bought her a day toilet and she goes you bought me toilet water. Like literally he was so crushed I could see it and she was just berating him about buying her toilet water and she didn't understand and I was just like you never knew what you were going to get when you gave the gift. So I think that like well, it's kind of backed off from that, but then she would be mad if you didn't get her anything, and then we're ungrateful and blah, blah, blah. So it was just like this trap. You know, like you, you were damned if you do and damned if you didn't, and so everybody started backing off from that.
Speaker 1:I've never been like that. I've always appreciated anything that I got, you know, whether it was a handmade thing or a cool thing, like I loved it all. Like my kids, the grandparents used to take them to the dollar store and I remember one year I got a frog a female frog and a bikini on a jet ski.
Speaker 1:Oh my god, I love it I hid that thing like crazy, but like I appreciated it, you know. And then one day it just disappeared when we moved, I don't know did it break by accident?
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:I think she just peed into the trash.
Speaker 1:Can I don't know, oh, oh, okay, she she escaped chase is gonna kill me if she ever hears this episode. I knew it Cause she remembered that fucking thing. But anyways, what I'm saying is is like I don't think that she could get past her own bullshit. Yeah, really appreciate. Like it was, like this wasn't good enough and blah, blah, blah. And I and I and I don't want to be that person. So I'm always like no, no, no, no, no. I want to be a little more selfish, but at the same time, I don't want to like if, if you feel like you want to do something nice for me, do it, just do it. You know, please do it, because I would appreciate it.
Speaker 2:It's a and I feel like it's a weird dynamic and again I don't know if it's universal to mothers at all. So I'm curious about people who are listening but like we, we families, the whole thing, but then you, you know, then you see, like the messaging and I'm going to call it on social media, right, and of, like you know, the moms are exhausted, the moms are, you know, you know, feel kind of bad because people aren't doing the things. But it's like, but didn't we create that monster? Like if we basically said no'll do it, no, no, I got it. No, no, we kind of created that monster so it's like we pull it apart.
Speaker 2:So I feel like that kind of leads a little bit into like you know, if you're you know as you navigate the holidays right, if you're feeling overburdened or if you're feeling resentful because you're doing all the things right, you gotta own that maybe we're doing some of that to ourselves now. If you're the individual, if you're the person who's like asking for help from your partner or asking for and people are not doing it, that's a whole different story I assume you're like most of us and you're just doing all the things and then pissed that nobody else is doing it.
Speaker 1:Right, and that just takes a little bit of communication, you know. But but at the same time, we could be in situations where we don't get the help. We could be in situations where we don't get the help. You know, like I, the person that I'm, you know, dating right now and stuff like that like they came over and put up Christmas lights on my house. They were like, no way, you're not going to not decorate your house. And I'm like, okay, I'm not really in the Christmas spirit this year. It's taking a lot for me to get into it. I just have a lot of stuff going on. But like, like my, I've never been married to, in a relationship or dated anybody that ever, ever, wanted to decorate the outside of the house. And I was like that's amazing.
Speaker 1:They were like yeah, like we need to put lights out on the house, like we need it like it needs to be cute and it needs to be this and it needs to be that deck the halls, bitch, yeah. And I'm like who the fuck are you like? And they didn't ask me for help at all. They're like, you know, like let's go get the lights and they put it up, nail, screw in the hook, like the whole shebang, like two days to get everything up, you know, because we go get more lights and blah, blah. But like I've never had anybody do that before and I'm like this is kind of cool. You know somebody that actually wants to like. They're like no, we, we need to do this, like it's. You know, let's get it up, cause I wasn't even going to put up a tree. Yeah, janice, I wasn't.
Speaker 1:I know we talked about it and it's decorated and the stuff's up and I have my nutcrackers in the window and all this stuff, so, and I'm decorated behind me now and I'm going to go open the garage and look for some more lights so I can finish doing my little secret garden in the backyard. So, and I, and I really appreciated that, that, um beyond, you know what I have going on you know, you know, let's do it for the girls, let's do it for you.
Speaker 1:You need it, you know, I really appreciate that. So it's to have somebody surprise you like that and just be like you know, be thoughtful, like that meant a lot to me, you know. And I was like, wow, you know, like somebody actually cares about helping one, two doing it all, and then three, like knowing that it would bring me joy and they wanted to see that they're like I, you, like christmas, don't act like this, you know I love it well, sometimes it is being forced to kind of do it right, like you said.
Speaker 2:Now the decorations up, that's gonna lift right, that's gonna help exactly. That feels better the girls are hanging out in the living room.
Speaker 1:It's cute in there, but they have their little tree skirts. I'll have to take a picture of it for you because that is a new tree skirt that matches our tree, because it's I love it that's so cute.
Speaker 2:I love that so much yeah.
Speaker 1:Nathan found a pink, um, a zebra nutcracker in, um, a pink like uniform. It's so fucking cute. Oh, I gotta tell you, I gotta tell you, I we were having fun, we were at Michael's and we were looking around and he calls me unicorn. He's like you're just like a unicorn. Like you know, I've never met anybody like you. And I'm like, okay, call me a unicorn, that's right, I am a unicorn. So he always calls me a unicorn, you know. And so I found a unicorn nutcracker.
Speaker 2:Oh my.
Speaker 1:God, and you know me, I'm just excited because I'm just like oh look, and I go look, babe, I found me as a nutcracker and we both started laughing so hard, so freaking hard. I was like almost peeing my pants laughing so hard. And I was like ball buster nutcracker, whatever you want to call it, and this lady was walking by, she goes, you have the best freaking laugh.
Speaker 1:She was like I don't crack myself up Like, and she just laughed even harder. We had so much fun but yeah, this freaking unicorn nutcracker. We didn't end up getting it, but it was a joke and it was funny.
Speaker 2:I love it. That is fantastic. So it is, why don't we, like, um, talk a little bit now, then, about some of the like we're starting to kind of get into, like perfection and like okay, bring it on yourself, et cetera? But now let's talk a little bit about, like, some of the things that we know are things that come with the holidays, that that people can be thinking about. Right, and the thing that's always in my mind is like how we message for our kids the family dynamics of holidays, right?
Speaker 1:Right and how to, how to manage that, and what's right and what's not right, and what they have and stuff like that and I think that you know.
Speaker 2:for me this part of the conversation is like, if you're in a family situation where everything seems good, like there's no big issues, that then this part of the conversation might not be for you. But most of us are sitting in situations where we're either about to receive a bunch of family or we're about to go out to a bunch of family.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it's that age old, like taking our kiddos and we're going to go to you know, grandma's, or we're going to go to Aunt Bessie's or we're going to go wherever, and they're going to see a bunch of people they see once a year, if that, these people are kind of strangers to them, but they're, you know, they're their family, et cetera. And reminding ourselves, you know, about some of the dynamics of that. And the thing that always comes to me is like this whole, like you know, we want our kids to feel connected to family, so much that we we expect them to treat family in the same way that they wouldn't treat other people, for example, right, like this is always one of the messages that I like to put forward is like, like, if your kid is going into a family situation, family and friend situation, and there are people there that they maybe they're a teenager and they just are in that don't hug me, don't touch me phase, maybe they're a little kid, but there are people they don't want to like the whole, like messaging around oh, you know, you should hug uncle Lewis, right, like give him a big hug, or oh, no, let so and so, like the messaging around, like all year long, we say to our kids your body, your decision, like you know, never touch somebody you don't want to touch, never let somebody do that. And then we get with our family and we're like no, no, no, everybody should have do whatever they want to you, right, like that whole thing. And so just a reminder to folks like it's a great way, set your kid up right Before you go into the situation like listen, high fives, handshakes, hugs, whatever you want is totally fine and nobody should make you feel bad about that or feel different about that.
Speaker 2:And then, as the parent, follow through on that and support them right, oh gosh, you know Janie's just not in a hug place right now. You know how kids are, so she gives lots of high fives or whatever it is like. Help set them up for what they'll feel comfortable with Right, right, no, and I agree.
Speaker 1:And and you know, you know my youngest child, you know she is very quiet. You know people that don't know her that well, don't like that. She's so quiet and we'll poke and poke and poke. Why are you so quiet? And I just leave her alone, like she's fine, like alone, but all throughout her very younger age, like you know relationships that I was in a relationship when she was younger, and the and my, you know ex. Like you have to talk, you have to say hello, you have to give them a hug, you have to do this, you have to do that, and I'm like no she doesn't, she's not comfortable, like sometimes she's not even comfortable in her own skin.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'm not, and when I'm in that mode and I'm around a bunch of people that I don't know, the last thing I want to do is have somebody touch me Exactly or provoke me and make me talk to them. Like just let me chill, and I think that older people see it as being disrespectful, you know, and stuff like that. And and I think that our generation is a lot more in tune with our emotionally sensitive children and everything.
Speaker 2:I think, you're right.
Speaker 1:So it's like this you got to make the, you got to make the choice on where you stand and how you're going to handle it as their adult, as their parent, with the family as well. Because I had to like, I had to like really fight for her, like stop, like just leave her alone. Well, if she's not going to learn this and blah, blah, blah, and it's just like she's her own human being, like leave them alone and like grandparents will oh, what are they, you know? So my thing is is like look, I and I've always told her this like you don't have to talk to anybody, you don't have to hug anybody.
Speaker 1:That, and I've always told her this like you don't have to talk to anybody, you don't have to hug anybody, that's right. Well, certain people, like you know your uncle Devin, who you know give him a hug. Like don't be weird. But like you know, everybody else screw it, don't worry about it. And if they give you any problems, come talk to me because I will protect you and I will not embarrass you and I will not make you do, but see this is.
Speaker 2:This is such a great reminder though, jane. I'm so glad we're having this conversation because you and I are so hyper aware of all of this right, and so I do try, like, like I think about my nieces and nephews who live on the east coast, and so when I see them I try to remember they're all kind of getting into the teenage years to say you know, I'm a hugger hug high five.
Speaker 1:What?
Speaker 2:would you prefer, right. But I'm thinking about, like the last time you guys were here, right, and I immediately went to hug both girls, of course, um, you, I could have cared less about, but them, um. And now I'm sitting here thinking I should be doing the same thing with them and like especially jenny, right, but this is so it's such a great conversation for us to have. Because none of us are perfect, all we can do Right.
Speaker 1:Cause we get excited and we see them Exactly. You know they absolutely adore you, like it's. I know, but still mute, but yeah, like we're going to Genesis, okay, I love that.
Speaker 2:You would never know when she's there.
Speaker 1:but she, you know, with me and her sister she feels the most comfortable, Of course, where we see the most personality, right, you know, and she's starting to break out of her shell a little bit with you guys and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:but like well, it was great when we had them, because when we went we took them shopping just because, like, there were only the four of us right, so you weren't even there as a buffer, which doesn't mean she was like, but but it created the condition where she at least a little bit more right, like exactly.
Speaker 1:She has to engage because you're asking her questions and I'm not there to say anything.
Speaker 2:And that's another reason why I did that?
Speaker 1:because she is dependent on me, like when we go places and it's just her and me. She's behind me like my shadow and like she bumps into me, like she's that close, and so I need to put her in different safe situations, exactly, you know, release out of that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, with other adults that love her, you know, because her whole life it's been one. Yeah, exactly, it doesn't, you know, like I'm her only guardian, I'm her only person, and so and it's a very small and tight knit. And so the fact that we have you in our life, you know, and Joe and and, and all the kids and and the extended family, like it's really fun for us because we don't have anybody out here you know came out here to help Devin and his family, like that and did, and it took five, four years to get through all of that.
Speaker 1:And now it's just us and so it's like, okay, you know you're building it of the things that we can do with you guys and stuff.
Speaker 2:Absolutely so. That's an angle from a parent perspective. Now it's. Now I'm thinking about what popped into my head was like now, taking care of ourselves as the adults, right. And so, same thing, I think that you know, so often we get into this place with, we give our family so many outs because they're quote, family, and you and I've talked about this many times right, family is who you choose, right, it's not a privilege, it's not a right. Well, rather, it is a. It is a privilege, it's not a right right. You should be earning your place as a, as a family member, and so, same thing, right, like, you're going into these dynamics and nobody should have to have a shitty holiday season because they just happen to have the family. That's shitty, right. So, like, and we know, you know, we just had another big election and everything.
Speaker 1:You know all the things are running by and everybody's heated, and it's perfectly.
Speaker 2:It's perfectly a-okay to put those things aside, right, and kind of have a truce for a day and enjoy people. And it's also perfectly okay to say listen in my mind, right? You and I've talked about boundaries, right, boundaries. And I love your position on that always, which is that you know it's not something you make other people do, it's something you're doing for yourself, and so set those for yourself, established before you go in, right, like what am I willing to? I mean the word endure, right? Like what am I willing to? I mean the word endure right, what am I?
Speaker 2:willing to endure. And where's the line? At what point am I just going to say love, you got to go right Like Merry Christmas got to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but also what? What's the boundary for me? What am I going to bring to this If I feel my energy is drifting and and lowering and I'm starting to feel a certain type of way? Maybe that's my time, before it gets ugly, to go? You know what?
Speaker 2:I got to go give myself a timeout, right.
Speaker 1:Yeah, give myself, go on a walk, do whatever you do, because we are going to run into conversations that we don't want to have. We are going to be asked questions that we don't want to be asked. I'm going to feel uncomfortable, where you know. If that's what family's for right, you know. And so those things are going to happen. But what am I willing to endure? You know, and it's not even put up with.
Speaker 1:I say that just because to be funny, but, like it is, what am I willing to endure? What am I willing to? How far am I willing to go before I have to bow out gracefully and not hurt anybody's feelings? I mean, it's probably going to hurt people's feelings, but I can't. I can't worry about that part, but I'm going to save my sanity. Yeah, and and and. Also, you got to make those choices, and we've talked about this multiple times, like, once you've made that choice that you're going, you can't be mad that you're there, exactly, best of it. Have your boundaries and do what you got to do.
Speaker 1:Some families aren't like that. Some families are just like they have the best time, like do. Some families aren't like that. Some families are just like they have the best time, like when we go over with you guys, like there's never any drama, like it's so much fun, and then we mingle with other families and we do stuff, and then we get invited, you know, cause it's like they were fun. So it's it's always a pleasant experience going to your, to your you know gatherings and stuff, and so that's why we do it, because we have so much fun.
Speaker 2:If it wasn't. You know what's key about that is? It's because we really take to heart that the experience you have rests on the people you choose to surround yourself with Right. Right, and so the reason it is that way, when you guys are here is because these are the people we've chosen and it's our choice, and if you're bringing drama to it, I can choose to not have you here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can choose to stop inviting you you know, or vice versa, exactly, if there's drama there, I can choose to not come.
Speaker 2:And people start to know that about you, right? Like they start to know, oh, we're going to go to Janice and Joe's today, like they're not going to put up with drama. Right, like that, right, and I'm not going to bring drama, and I'm not going to bring drama.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not going to bring drama. There's certain people that I wouldn't bring over because I just know that it wouldn't mesh very well, you know. And so, and I want to enjoy my time with my family and not bring something that's going to, you know, alter that experience. You know, I'm only going to bring somebody that will enhance it. You know, I'm thinking about inviting my friend, uh Janae, and her son, andre, to the family because they would have so much fun and they are so much fun, you know, and I know that you guys would love them, not, ooh, maybe I should bring them, but it's going to be drama. But, yeah, I'll just bring them in.
Speaker 1:No I don't want to be embarrassed by my guest.
Speaker 2:You know I love that. That's a great perspective as well. Right, like, be aware of what you're bringing into the situation, be aware of what you're willing to. We both said endure, we said tolerate. And the other piece, I think I heard like a psychologist say this one time what's worth the price of admission? Right, how much am I willing to put up with Because it's worth the price of admission? When I'm getting back from this, right, I think that's such a great way to think about it, cause at some point you're like, nope, not worth the price of admission anymore.
Speaker 1:Right, so tip the scales got to go.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I think the other thing about you know, um, our relationship and stuff like that we have a very good understanding of each other and and what we need, and so like, for example, like when you guys took the girls out, like I was just like I don't have it in me to go shopping, I'm just going to sit here. I ended up taking a nap. That's exactly what I needed, you know. And it was like you, you know that about me. I know that you like to go run around stuff and that's your thing. Like I can handle about this much of it.
Speaker 2:And then I'm like sorry, sis, you did pretty well from like 8am to 10am.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like no, literally that's decompress and you know, like it's just how I am right now and the fact that you're, you're appreciative of my communication, of that you know, you, you know, and in that relationship it's not like you were out. I can't believe I'm not here with her kids. She's here and she could have come and now oh wait we did I know joe said mom could be taking them to the mall, but that was the ball on black friday.
Speaker 1:That was your mistake. I don't even know what you guys were, it was our choice, and it was.
Speaker 2:We fell prey to our nieces in the back seat who were like can we just go to a mall?
Speaker 1:the one that doesn't ever talk, and you were like she spoke to us.
Speaker 2:We're going to the mall if she said can we just go to the north pole? Guess what We'd be fucking finding, Santa right now. I think. I think it's calculated, I think she knows exactly that and she's just like I just have to keep my mouth shut long enough.
Speaker 1:She's so smart, this girl, like she is my like I can, I know her so well. She, she is like the uh, yesterday, the last couple of days she hasn't really talked to me and I'm like, okay, so last night she came home and she didn't say anything to me. So I went into her room and I was like what do I stink now? Like you don't want to come talk to me when you get home? Like what's going on? And she's like you know. So I could tell she was in a mood with there was something going on.
Speaker 1:And then later on she came into my room and she was like you know, like being pouty, I go, I'm just going to take a wild guess. And and cause I'm, I'm watching a friend's dog, I'm just going to take a wild guess and you're upset that the dog's here. Oh yeah, because of my cats. I go, I have to close the door. I go, you have to close the door anyway because you don't want them to go outside. She's outside in a kennel. They can't, she can't get to them. I go. So you're mad that you have to close the door just because you have to close the door.
Speaker 1:And she's just like yes, like you need to stop Right. Don't don't be this upset about something you have zero control over. It was my right, just deal with it. Okay, it's what it it is, it'll be over soon. Yeah, she lightened up, you know she lightened up afterwards, but like I know her so well, I knew exactly what she was upset about.
Speaker 1:yeah, exactly her behavior, and I hate it because I know her I'm starting to figure it out just yeah, yeah, I call her out on her shit, but that's what she needs, because that's what we all need, honestly, but yeah, but yeah, but I think that's, and that's, you know, kind of a great place to start wrapping this up, right?
Speaker 2:Is this idea that, like, everything about this holiday season will be a choice. And even when, even if you're in a position with a family situation where you're like, no, like, if I don't show up, I know I'm going to get shit, okay, but still that's a choice, right, all of it is a choice, um, and so you know, I think what I want to leave people with is like take care of yourself this holiday season, and that doesn't mean be a raging bitch and be selfish. That's not a. It's about me. Christmas. I mean you could, but it's not gonna get you. Take care of yourself, and it's okay to make some choices that will ensure that you have your own peace of mind, that you have some joy yourself. Um, and if that means stuffing your own fucking stocking, then stuff it right and, and, fricking, wrap that stuff up and put it in there and then pretend to be surprised. And if you're like me, I wrapped that shit up and then forget about it and then open it and be surprised because I'm like, oh my God.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I bought myself. I mean, santa brought me this. Oh my God, that's hilarious. I've done that before. Like, oh my God, that's hilarious. I've done that before. Like, oh my God, look at the spectacular piece of jewelry you know like. This is great.
Speaker 2:Exactly.
Speaker 1:It's amazing, it's like lotion oh my God, I love it so much.
Speaker 2:All right. So that's so. Last but not least, we are going into the new year.
Speaker 1:We high five cause we hit our 50 episodes. This is actually 51, I think think so we made our our goal for the podcast.
Speaker 2:Above and beyond, we have committed to continuing in 2025. We're not making a commitment to a number yet we're feeling it now I love how she tries to like, fuck around and act like somewhere. I want people to be worried. I want there to be like a petition. I don't want them to stop listening because they think that they're not going to have any more episodes see I was thinking the opposite that they would like get people to sign a petition to beg us to stay that's five people that listen to us.
Speaker 1:I would take it. Get your people, get them on a petition, on it for us to see. But we are, it's for us this is for us to see.
Speaker 2:We just need fake it. I don't care. A bunch of names right like santa claus, tooth, fairy buddy smells a lot like I don't care. Come up with whatever little bunny foo-foo, let's go. But we are, in all seriousness, so grateful for you guys, grateful to have had this year with you showing up, listening. Our intention is always to bring you some, you know, some sage advice, some expertise from our own experiences, but also, to you know, be incredibly real about it and to bring that all the sense of humor. So, thank you. That's where I'm going to leave it. Thank you for 2024.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 2024, 2024, man, it's been. It's been definitely a year and I am excited for the new year. I'm excited to end this year with the holidays and, you know, try to make the best of everything, but I'm excited for next year. I have so many great things coming. I'm rebranding. I rebranded all my stuff and I announced it on LinkedIn, and I'll be posting on um, our dumpster diving with Janice and Jane too. We're just going to cross pollinate on all of our stuff.
Speaker 1:No like I'm not worried, like I don't want to worry about people. Oh well, I don't like that. You do that. You know what You're going to like me or you're not, and I'm this on the podcast, I'm this in my coaching. I am very versatile and I have you know like I like different stuff. So, um, yeah, starting. So yeah, starting another podcast that's going to be coming soon, so hopefully we can do this and we can do it all in person, maybe one day.
Speaker 2:Hey freaking men, I love it All right, you guys have a wonderful holiday season. The happiest of new years. We'll see you in 2025. Peace out.
Speaker 1:Bye.
