When Trust Is Lost

Come and listen while Host Kate Neligan share metaphysical wisdom in order to help listeners raise their spiritual consciousness. #divasthatcareJennifer has been in recovery for over 15 years. She started getting calls from parents desperate for her to help their loved ones. Having been in recovery for so long, she knew one thing to be true; there is nothing anyone can do or say to help them until they are ready to get help. PERIOD. That left the parents hopeless, frustrated, desperate, angry, and scared, so shecreated a way to give the families the help they needed based on her own experience of what was helpful to her and has been beneficial to countless others in recovery.Lynn Carnes is Founder and CEO of Creative Spirits Unleashed. She is a TEDx Speaker, Author, Entrepreneur, Executive Leadership Coach and Artist. She works with business owners, C-Suite executives, high performing teams and athletes to lead deep and meaningful change while staying true to their core. She is also an avid water skier, potter, watercolor artist and hiker. Lynn writes about inspiring new ways to look at learning, growth, and reinvention, in leadership, athletics, art and life.https://www.facebook.com/jen.maneely/ @lynn.carnes.7

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Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:32

Hello and welcome. This is the Metaphysical Mastery Podcast, and I'm really excited because we have a special segment today to announce and share a little bit more about the upcoming Divas Care book, which is Our Mothers, Our Daughters, which is available for Mother's Day. And today I have two of the authors who have a story, a chapter in the book called Our Trust Is Lost. And it is Lynn Carnes and her daughter, and I'd love for them to introduce themselves right now and just tell a little bit more about who they are. So Lynn, why don't you go first?

SPEAKER_00 1:10

Okay, well my name is Lynn Carnes, and I am my my main title, but I don't like to say I am this, is executive coach. And I'm sort of at the place in my career where I'm working with clients, but I also am working on myself and doing that under pressure, like in water skiing and flying and stuff like that. So that's a quick introduction about who I am. I live in Lake Lower, North Carolina. Um it's a beautiful sunny day here, and I love being in the mountains on a day like this.

SPEAKER_02 1:43

Great, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

And have your daughter with you, who I know you've done podcasts before and you shared your story together. Um so I'd love to hear a little bit more from your daughter as well.

SPEAKER_01 1:57

Oh, well, my name is Jennifer Meneely, and I am obviously the daughter of Lynn Carnes. And uh yeah, I think our story is just a really powerful one. One that got me to where I am now, which is where I work with families that have loved ones with substance abuse issues. So there's a there's this a story for you.

SPEAKER_02 2:22

Oh my gosh, I'd love to hear more. So I should have also mentioned my name is Kate Neligan, and I host Metaphysical Mastery Podcast with my mom, Peggy Neligan. And uh ours is really about metaphysical musings between a mother and daughter. And I met Lynn actually through a podcast that she does because we were both um in this coaching with horses world, and uh was very excited to tell you about this book because on the podcast we did where we we talked briefly about how uh the stories between moms and daughters and the mother wound can really shape our lives. So why don't you share what drew you to being in this book, why you wanted to submit a story to it.

SPEAKER_00 3:05

You know, Kate, I was so glad you mentioned it when you did, because it gave us a chance to we had started to tell our story, and we had found that when people would hear what Jennifer and I went through on her addiction journey, which was really just her life journey and my life journey together, that wasn't what I would call healed or well. We we wanted people to be able to hear from us how we worked through some really sticky stuff. And as you said, our title of the chapter is When Trust is lost, and we both tell our sides of that story of you know, a particular event and time in her in her life when I could not trust her. And when when you think about that, I I know a lot of parents with their children who have lost trust and don't know how to regain it. And the thing is parents and children are not like friends. You can't dump them. I mean, sometimes people do. But you kind of have to find a way to restore it. And we wanted to start sharing with people how we had navigated that some of those difficult conversations. Ultimately, I think we're gonna put these some many of these stories of the journey in a in a book ourselves, but we were excited just to have a chapter in this one because this is such a special project.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

It is. I love it. And there's such a huge healing that happens when we share our story and when we write. It can be a catharsis and we can even have to go into deeper collaboration, especially if you co-wrote it. Um so tell me a little bit about the story, like like a golden nugget, something that the reader is gonna take away and be either inspired by, really think about, or have potentially like a healing from.

SPEAKER_00 4:55

Oh, I love it. So I'm gonna t I'm gonna actually ask Jennifer to tell the part of the story where she actually honored that I had the right not to trust her. So Jen, you wanna talk about how how you kind of came to that realization because I think that's a it's a big one when um when you actually acknowledge and own your part of something. Because I had I had to own my part too, but I feel like that was one of the big nuggets. Jen, you want to share that? Sure.

SPEAKER_01 5:29

Uh so you know it's it's hard to say like a nugget, like a specific point in time, because this was a whole lifelong and and this is where I had to understand that I spent a whole life journey lying to my mom. And so when I got into recovery, I knew that my piece of that was that it wasn't going to be solved overnight. You know, when I really started taking responsibility for myself and I really started taking responsibility for the dynamics that I had created, I knew that having 20 some odd years of lying to my to my mom, it was going to take a long time for me to just continue to show up and start earning her trust back. And so a lot of that happened when she would have doubts on me. And it was kind of like I would look at her and be like, it's it's okay. I understand. I'm here if you need, you know, to whatever it is that you need from me, I'm willing to show up. So if that's a drug test, if you need to go into my apartment, if you need to kind of go down the investigation road, I'm I'm here for that. And I honor that.

SPEAKER_02 6:54

I love it because that is part of the relationship repair is taking personal responsibility, to admit when there's been things like lying, which does erode trust and relationships, and then to realize that you want to change and that things can change. We talk about that in my mom and I in our story about how like we used to hate each other, and it was because we were both going through hormonal situations at the same time, and we fought a lot, and now she's my best friend. And so, like, mm, you know, in our story, it's really about like trust that things can change, right? That they can get better, but it does take, you know, each person doing some of their own work um in the relationship to repair it and to to acknowledge what has actually happened. So I'm so glad you you did that, Jennifer, and you allowed her into your space and to repair it. And Lynn, what was your perspective on, you know, um you just dealing with this and knowing that she had her own journey, right? Her own her own human journey to go through in this lifetime too.

SPEAKER_00 7:58

Oh yeah. Well we we we both had a journey, and what what we acknowledge in our in our story is that in some ways we were both liars because you know, I lied to her and she lied, I lied to myself a lot. And I had to actually own my part because as she said, she had been a practice liar, but there were reasons she had to lie to me because you know that whole saying I couldn't handle the truth. And the probably the biggest nugget for the two of us in in this gross was that we had to break out of that typical parent-child dynamic where there's this falsehood that the mom is okay or mom knows what she's doing or is all knowing and the kid's the one that's wrong, and had to acknowledge that I didn't do everything right as a mother either. And part of my personal growth was being able to acknowledge that and own that part of it as well. So the the core of the story is that we both had to own our parts of our journey with each other.

SPEAKER_02 9:03

I love that you know yourself so well to know that sometimes you don't want to know the hard things, right? But then what I hear you both really having committed to was know that you can do hard things and that the love in the relationship was going to be paramount to addiction and challenges. And how awesome, Jennifer, that you took total lemons and made like lemonade out of it, and that really led you to your your work calling and your career path. Um, I remember that when I first started working with horses, it was with addicts and recovery and rehab, and it was just incredible to see the transformation they experienced in just a couple hours. It just got me so excited about the work. Uh so why read this book? Like what you know, your mother and daughter team, my mom and I are as well. What is inspiring or exciting, uplifting about reading other women's stories like this?

SPEAKER_00 9:57

That's such a good question. Well, what I'm really noticing when you mention mother-daughter relationships, what you will always get is some kind of knowing chuckle or a knowing look. Like everybody knows that this is perhaps it's like the first relationship. When we come on this planet, we come in our mother's womb. And this is where our nurturing came from, and and yet it's not perfect. And so there's like this knowing laugh or knowing sort of thing, and I feel like finding how other people, how everyone sort of navigates this can be really uplifting. That's my that's my view. I'd love to hear what Jim has to say too.

SPEAKER_01 10:45

Yeah, what what I would say about it is I know for me in my life, of course, it's like you come to a point at which you're at a crossroads of deciding as an adult daughter, right, when I got to be an adult, how am I going to have a relationship with with my mom, right? And what do I want that to look like? If there is a possibility, because it could have gone the other way too. And I think for me, when I think about the mother-daughter relationship and what what I've gotten, what I feel like other people can gain from really working on that, is such a much more connected sense of self for me, right? And just always kind of having that person that I can rely on has made me flourish in my life, and I want that for other people, and it's hard and it's complicated, and you have to have a lot of hard conversations, and it's totally worth it.

SPEAKER_02 11:44

And I think that's what what I think this book is bringing, is it's totally worth the hardness and complicated uh conversations that one has to have in order to you know really heal a love that you just said that, because I completely agree, and I never thought about it like that before. So it's so well said, and it's just so true because it it's funny. I work on a ranch called the Mother Ranch, and I've drawn people here, hands drawn people here that work on this mother wound or this challenge. And we just my mom and I just did a podcast on the mother wound, and you know, at its worst, it's really gnarly because that's our first relationship, right? And at its best, there's acceptance and growth and transformation and unconditional love, right? Even though we can hurt each other, we can still be willing to work on it and know that it's it is worth it because you're right about the sense of self and the entire ancestry of it all. So there's so much there. I'm just so grateful. You're both in the book. I'm looking forward to reading your your story. And um, for those listening, please, you know, whether you have a wonderful or challenging or mediocre relationship with your mother, please consider this book as truly a way to inspire yourself, share it with her, share it with your daughter, uh, and really, you know, be inspired by true stories of really beautiful transformation and healing that we can all learn from. So, our mothers, our daughters, thank you both for being in it. Thank you for doing the hard work in the world because as one of us heals, we all heal and we all uplift consciousness together. Um, and thank you to Candace and Diva Zet Care and Absolute Love Publishing for really taking on this beautiful project and getting it out for Mother's Day. We're so, so grateful. Thanks for being on the show today.

SPEAKER_00 13:35

Thank you. Super glad to be here.

SPEAKER_02 13:37

Yes. Thank you. Very glad to be here. Thank you for inviting me. Thank you both. And may you continue to work on your journey together with a lot of ease, grace, joy, and love.

SPEAKER_00 13:49

Oh, that's beautiful. Okay, thank you. Thank you.