What If The Real Risk Is Staying Quiet

Come and listen to our Host, Tina Spoletini, as she chats with today's guest, Mary Printz, for our “Unapologetically Unique” Podcast Series.

This mini-series serves to distill success into its truest form—standing firmly in your own identity. We are moving beyond the comparison game to help you lead with unapologetic confidence. By anchoring your habits in self-belief rather than outside expectations, you’ll shift from chasing temporary inspiration to becoming a changemaker with lasting, year-long momentum. 

Mary Printz, M.Ed., holds a Master’s in Leadership and is a Harvard-trained Immunity to Change coach and Adaptive Growth Strategist who integrates adult development, emotional intelligence, and neuroscience. She helps women and high-performing leaders uncover the hidden assumptions that keep them stuck in people-pleasing, comparison, and self-doubt, so they can show up with clarity, confidence, and authenticity. Mary is known for helping people move from insight into lasting, meaningful change.

LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/maryprintz21
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/MaryPrintzCoaching/

https://www.maryprintz.com/cohort-registration

We talk about why self-doubt sticks even when we “know better,” and how hidden assumptions quietly train us to filter our voice. We unpack the immune system to change so we can stop chasing approval and start showing up as whole human beings.
• hidden assumptions that make authenticity feel unsafe
• external validation and the real cost of performing
• people-pleasing and imposter syndrome as protective strategies
• comparison as a self-worth trap and how to return to core values
• compassion as a skill that grows with self-awareness
• why insight is not enough and how small experiments create change
• naming emotions to regulate yourself and deepen connection
• self-acceptance as the base for stronger relationships
If this episode resonated with you, I’d love for you to share it, tag us, and let us know what stood out most.

For more Divas That Care Network Episodes visit www.divasthatcare.com

Transcript

Divas That Care Welcome

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's Divas that Care Radio. Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change. Welcome to Divas That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone. This is a global movement for women, by women engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations. To find out more about the movement, visit divas that care.com after the show. Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

Welcome back to Confidence in Bloom, the podcast for women who are ready to release self-doubt, reconnect with who they truly are, and step fully into their next chapter with confidence. This month we're diving into our theme, unapologetically unique, because your power isn't fitting in, it's an owning what makes you different. Today's conversation is such a powerful one. I'm joined by Mary Prince, a Harvard-trained immunity to change coach and adaptive growth strategist who helps women uncover the hidden patterns and assumptions that keep them stuck in people-pleasing comparison and self-doubt. If you've ever felt like you're holding back parts of yourself, questioning your voice, or waiting to feel ready before showing up fully, this episode is for you. Oh, welcome, Mary. I'm so excited to have you here today.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Thank you so much, Tina. This is such a pleasure to be here with you.

Hidden Assumptions That Mute You

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Excellent. And we're gonna have an awesome conversation because you and I are on the same page. Like we walk the same path. So this is gonna be excellent. Now, you do really powerful work around hidden assumptions. Uh, what are some of the most common internal blocks that stop women from being unapologetically themselves?

SPEAKER_01 1:48

Yes. Um of the the most common blocks or assumptions, right? Okay, so now I think, you know, and I'll just back up just a little bit, is that I think a lot of us have had moments where we leave a conversation and we replay it in our heads, right? Like over and over again. What did I say the right thing? How did it come across? And we overthink and we can kind of leave feeling a little bit disconnected, right? So for a long time, I thought I just needed a little bit more confidence. But really, I was trying to make sure in the background that I was accepted, that I was being accepted. And then what shifted was realizing how much I was kind of holding back and slowly letting myself show up more honestly, right? And then things start to feel a little bit lighter and a little more genuine, right? So some of the assumptions, so you know, the so just in that little phrase right there that I shared is that the assumption is that I needed more confidence in order to have better connection. But really, if we go back to your theme, being unapologetically you, the assumption is that it's not safe to be the real me.

SPEAKER_02 3:17

And I'm not accepted as the real me.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

That's right. I could be rejected, I could be abandoned, I could be ashamed, I could be humiliated or embarrassed, whatever it is, that will affect my belonging.

SPEAKER_02 3:32

Oh my goodness, that is so true, right? Because you look at now, I'm just imagining myself in a in a conversation with, you know, I'm gonna say people that I feel my best at, right? But I know, I know I keep my voice quiet, right? So I either don't say a lot or I say very, very little, like, you know, or what I what I'm really thinking isn't coming out of my mouth. But the but the reality is I know they're not gonna accept me for the thoughts that are really coming up in my mind. They're gonna look at me and go, oh my God, you always have to be so different, right? Or God, Tina, can you ever say anything that agrees with what we're saying, right? That's what you're talking about.

SPEAKER_01 4:19

Yes, exactly. So really, what becoming unapologetically ourselves is that we have to overcome these internal systems that make authenticity feel unsafe, not safe, right? It's not safe to speak that out loud or to be honest about this situation because I could be rejected, I could lose credibility, whatever it is, you know, and I don't, and we all want to avoid judgment, right?

SPEAKER_02 4:52

Especially negative judgment, right? Like nobody wants to be told you're always, you always have to be different, right? Because even though, yeah, like it's it and different generally means you're unique, right? Can't you be like the rest of us? Right. And the reality of that is the rest of us don't always agree with what one person is saying, but that one person seems to have like a power over us that that makes us feel that we have to be like that person.

External Validation And Its Cost

SPEAKER_01 5:28

Wow. And and that is what we refer to as we've been shaped by this external validation system. That's what it is. It's an external validation system, and that identity that we carry is tied to our roles, our expectations, and our achievement. Right, right, right, exactly. And so being unapologetically, you it can be confusing, it can be kind of threatening, and and some people I could see could even see it being feeling like irresponsible. Yeah, you know, in this situation, I need to maintain this type of image, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Yeah, especially with women. Like I find I don't know what men are like when they're talking, if they feel that they must feel this, they're humans, right? But women, I guess because I talk most with women, women, this is a common thing with women, right? Like I'm not gonna say what I'm really thinking because she's not gonna like it, or she's gonna make fun of me, or she's she's not gonna accept me as her friend if I feel this way, right? So this is common. Like, so I mean, basically, if you're feeling like this, you know, just know that you're not alone, you're not the only one, but it's okay for you to step out of your, you know, I'm gonna call it your comfort zone because we we kind of wear this as a as our clothes, right? Like we become that after a while, right? We don't want to speak, so we stop ourselves, and then it becomes so natural that we stop talking, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:05

So what we do is we adapt, right? And we call it adaptive development. So we adapt in order to accommodate these expectations and these roles and and to accommodate uh this external validation, right? So I think you know what you you hit on there, Tina, was something really important. What is the cost? Because there's always a cost involved. What is the cost of not being who you really are, of not being unique, of not, you know, just being genuine in these relationships, right? In these situations. So, you know, if we look at it in terms of the cost, because there's always a cost, right? Internally, externally. So sometimes the cost is overthinking, you know, what we said, what we didn't say, whatever it is, or feeling like we're on, or performing instead of just being, yeah, right? Yeah. Or not feeling as deeply connected in our relationships as we'd like to be. Yeah. Because there's, you know, there's an element of safety in being vulnerable.

SPEAKER_03 8:20

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:21

So, you know, it's not safe. So therefore, we don't have that deep connection that we so, you know, desire, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:30

Yeah. And then I think we also pick up different behaviors to hide our true authentic thoughts and feelings, right? That's when we start people pleasing and imposter syndrome, and and all those things start to creep up, right? Because we don't know how to be who we really are anymore.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

Yeah, and it's so effortful. It takes so much effort to put on, you know, to to cover ourselves really, to protect ourselves, to protect these assumptions that we have really operating in the background, right? There's a lot of mental noise going on, and so you know, it takes a lot of effort and it's um and there's a lot of discomfort in there too.

Why Authenticity Can Feel Unsafe

SPEAKER_02 9:21

Oh, absolutely. Absolutely. Now, when we talk about like authenticity, right? Now, some I've heard some people don't like the word, right? Because authentic means it can mean truthful, but it can also just mean like, you know, roots, right? Like where I really come from, right? But let's let's talk more about, you know, uh sort of how it's generalized, right? Why does being yourself sometimes feel like unsafe? Like why, like I get like when we're talking about this whole, you know, not being accepted and and all, but why, why do we allow that? Like, why is it like even as an adult, like as an adult, we should feel like I can be who I want to be, but we still allow that, you know, feeling of um not being good enough to run the show. Like, why do we do that? What is that?

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Well, that is what we refer to as our immune system, and so we have an immune system to change, right? So what happens is throughout our lives, and generally when we're younger, we encounter lots of different different situations and um you know, and relationships, and we adapt. So we formulate these beliefs, these assumptions that, okay, I tried that, and you know what, that wasn't safe. And and so therefore, and these patterns stick with us, and so they continue to operate in the background, right? So we have this this hidden set of beliefs and commitments that are designed to protect us from psychological risk, especially rejection or loss of identity. So it's not just what we're thinking, it's also how we're wired to stay safe, right? Because self-preservation is of utmost importance for the human being, right? So it's so they're protecting something that feels far more important than whatever's going on, right? Than that deeper connection, but they're protecting there's something that's really not safe for me right now, and many people are not aware of it, and that's why we call them hidden assumptions, right? Because they're operating in the background, but they are not aware this is going on. So when I'm taking someone through, you know, we're mapping out, you know, some assumptions, you know, we've set an intended goal. I want to be more vulnerable in my relationships, I want to strengthen my relationships, I want to improve my communication, whatever the, you know, the goal might be, the improvement goal, then we map it out and we start to surface some of these hidden commitments, right? And so what happens, you know, um, you know, let's say, you know, I want to be more authentic, I want to be, you know, more honest and and speak up. You know, speaking up, right, is a big one, right? Um, but yet we can have this hidden commitment running in the background. I'm committed to not being rejected. Well, if I am committed to not being rejected, there's no darn way I'm going to speak up, right? Because it just doesn't feel safe, right? Or I'll lose respect or I'll lose connection, right? So therefore we hold back, we overexplain, we people please, you know, and um sometimes we even, yeah, we're just talking non-stop, right? Because we're trying to justify and all these other things that we do to try and keep this immune system continually operating.

SPEAKER_02 13:25

Yeah. So if we expose it. Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you, but you you said the immune system, and I mean, I know myself, and I'm gonna assume most of our listeners see the immune system as um more like a physical sickness, right? Keeping away, like fighting away physical, like virus, bacteria, that kind of stuff. But you're saying that it's also working against the you know, that feeling of not being accepted, right? Like it's also a mental immune system. Is it the same system that we're talking about, or is it just another like system in our body? Because God knows we have so many, right?

The Immune System To Change

SPEAKER_01 14:10

We do, we do, you know, truly, we are a miracle, our human body. Um our so we have this immune system to change, and that is different than our immune system that keeps us healthy and strong physically, right? So both of them are protecting something. Our physical immune system protects us from disease and all sorts of other things. Our immune system to change, coined by you know Dr. Robert Keegan and Lisa Leahy, is a hidden set of beliefs and commitments designed to protect us from risk, particularly psychological risk, right? Okay, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 14:56

Thank you for clarifying that.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Because now I get it. Right. So, so it's how we are wired and it's our you know, our mental operating system. So and it and it just is becomes, you know, it's an adaptation that we have created in order to survive, right? But we can overturn those belief systems, so we can overturn it by a series of you know steps that we do, a series of activities and experiments that we do to overturn that. And that is what helps people become to really show up truly as who they who they want to be, you know, and show up, you know, without this intimidation or fear of not being accepted or of not belonging. Right.

Comparison And Self-Worth Traps

SPEAKER_02 15:51

And and that's not to say that, you know, you don't have to say what you're thinking, right? Like some people, some people are, you know, they just don't talk. And that doesn't mean that they're hiding something, right? But if you want to say something, you can say it the way like it feels in your heart, right? Like you can just say what's on your mind, right? And we have to learn, you know, to accept people, like learn to be accepted, right, for who you are, right? By opening your mouth or by doing whatever it is that feels right for you at the time. Now, let's talk comparison because I think that's kind of what this comes down to, right? We're constantly comparing ourselves to others, right? And and not necessarily, you know, that I want to be better or I'm, you know, I want to be worse, but we do. We compare, you know, she does this and I don't. What's really happening beneath the surface when we are doing that comparison?

SPEAKER_01 16:54

Well, comparison is really it's almost like, you know, the evil twin. It's like you're either better than or you're less than, right? You know, so it's um, you know, it's never uh a healthy thing to engage in. And um it stems from, you know, judgment. And um so we're looking at it, but when, but if we look at comparison as an external validation, then we are looking at things externally as opposed to having our own internal locus of control. This is what I value, these are my core values, this is who I am, authentically me, genuine, you know, this is who these are my beliefs, and I'm firmly rooted in those. And you know what? Whatever is happening externally, you know, that does not change my positioning here, right? It does not change who I am, you know. If this person accepts me or not, it doesn't change who I am. If this person, I perceiving them, our perceptions, you know, really create a multitude of, you know, judgments and criticisms and issues, right? But if we are really looking at through the lens of, you know, that is another human being, and you value them and you value that individual for who they are, you know, what they're bringing to the table, you know, just showing up and just engaging in a conversation, and we're not influenced as much. Now, to a certain extent, we're always going to be somewhat influenced by external situations, but if we have this strong core sense of value, and you know it doesn't matter what you know, who you are, where you are, what you bring, I value as a human being. That is that's going to really bring far more engagement, and it's going to bring deeper connection, and we always come away feeling better.

SPEAKER_02 19:20

Yeah. So I'm I'm just I'm gonna ask you what's coming up for me. So I'm just curious to know what your thoughts are on what I noticed, and and maybe I'm maybe a little bit crazy, but what I noticed is women who are constantly judging others and comparing themselves to others, and criticizing is is the word that's coming to my mind. They're often very disconnected from who they truly are, right? And maybe it's the same thing, like maybe it's you know, they don't feel accepted, maybe they don't feel, you know, that they belong or that they're you know equal to the humans that are around them. But I find the people that are always judging and always criticizing, they're probably very disconnected from who they truly are. They don't even know who they truly are.

SPEAKER_01 20:16

Well, yeah, quite possibly it is that um they're they have adapted to such an extent that they don't feel safe being who they are. That wasn't accepted, and therefore they've had to perform, you know, they've had to be perfect, they've had to somehow adapt in such a way, and they have these very high or whatever type of expectations, and so you know, you know, to say that they're disconnected, you know, could possibly be true. There could be a lot of different things going on for those who who judge, criticize, condemn, or complain, right? You know, um, and so but what we want to do is we want people to be able to grow their own capacity to be able to connect with people in a very meaningful way, and they're growing in that capacity, and so what happens then is they have compassion for the other person, and when we can have compassion for the other person, we don't see them as judgmental or whatever, we see them as oh, you know, that could be an area of wounding, that could be an area of of some deep hurt, whatever it is, and so when we look at it from a lens of I care. About people. I genuinely care about people. And you know what? And I see you. I see you. I see that person inside of you that's hurting. I see that person inside of you that wants to be authentic and genuine. And that wants a deep relationship with someone, but doesn't know how to do it.

SPEAKER_02 22:23

Yeah. So how do you okay? So I mean, I know with coaching, there's so many different ways of allowing that possibility in. But what is, you know, maybe something we could tell our listeners, what's one way of being able to do that? I know I would use like the first, second, third position, right? Like what position are you in right now? Let's switch that, right? What how what would you do?

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Yeah, so I would say I would I just want to first iterate that there's nothing wrong with them, right? There's nothing wrong with them, there's nothing wrong with them, you know, when we have these adaptations. But if there's something that people would, you know, if they something that they could do, I would say increasing this capacity develops over time, but you have to be intentional. And so, how can you be intentional moving forward, right? Because you know, we've learned we have these patterns ingrained in us how to shape ourselves around expectations and whatever else, but start to notice the expectations in your life, and when you create that awareness, it opens up a new level of understanding, and so then you become to become more of an observer, you become an observer of what's actually happening right here. Oh, I see there's some expectations. I see, oh, this is how I'm showing up with this expectation, right? You know, and um, you know, and choosing, you know, and there are appropriate times when to speak up and when not to speak up, right? You know, and um, and you know, we want to be professional, we want to be, you know, wise in our actions, but maybe take a moment to say something and be vulnerable with someone who you feel is safe, with a thought that you have been carrying, and share that and do that little experiment and see how do they respond. Is this actually safe to share this thought with them? And I think taking small, small, teeny tiny steps to show up that way, I think will really help individuals to really grow in this area.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

Yeah, like you said, like baby steps and try with one person that you know you can feel the most safe with, right? Start there and then slowly it'll become more comfortable, and then you kind of expand that that yeah, and it's not it's not easy work, right? And you have to start with the easiest thing, right? That just in case I'm judged, this is not a big deal, right? And then slowly that will become a little bit bigger, and yeah. So, yeah, I love that. I love that answer.

SPEAKER_01 25:44

Yeah, and you know, or even just share your perspective on something, right? That, but I think also take note of where you're relinquishing your identity to external validation, right? You know, um, am I doing this because I'm I'm I really enjoy doing it, or I really want to, or because it's an expectation, or I want to fit in or belong, or I, you know, I don't want to get punished, whatever it might be, right? And we get trained in these things, right? You know, throughout our lives. Um, you know, and um, and so creating that awareness is quite pivotal in creating change in your life.

Why Insight Does Not Create Change

SPEAKER_02 26:34

Yeah, yeah. So when you talk about moving from insight into real change, why do so many women stay stuck even though or even when they know they know what's holding them back, right? Lots of women are aware of what is holding them back, and it could be the assumption, you know, I call it blocks, right? But what what would you say? Like what would you say that they why they do that?

SPEAKER_01 27:08

I would say change is hard. Change is hard, and there are a lot of different factors at play, and and so you know, change, we you know, we set these goals, we can even do New Year's resolutions, right? They set a goal, but then it just kind of fizzles out after because we realize change is work. It is work, and it's a lot harder than we often think because oftentimes we have these assumptions going on in the background. So let's say if I let's say I want to show up, I want to speak, I want to speak up, you know, and in a meeting. Let's say I want to speak up more, you know, whether it's with my friends or at work or at home or with family, whatever it might be. But then you have these behaviors, right? And it's kind of like, you know, I want to lose, you know, 10 pounds, but I keep a bucket of ice cream in the freezer, right? You know, it's kind of working against your goal. So so then you have these behaviors. I want to speak up, but yet what do I do? I hold back, I filter, I adapt, I accommodate, and um yeah, and so and I yeah, I just kind of become small, right? And I don't voice my opinions or perspectives. So therefore, we can then have a hidden commitment, like what am I committed to? Really, that's running in the background, is that I don't I'm trying to avoid being rejected, trying to avoid some humiliation, you know, whatever it might be, or shame. And then what happens is is I develop this assumption if I speak up, then I could lose connection. I lose connection. So therefore, if that's running in the background, do you think I'm ever going to achieve that goal?

SPEAKER_02 29:21

Yeah, no, well, and I think like when you said change is hard, sometimes it's not the actual change work that's hard, it's the effects of the change that's hard, right? Because the people that know you for being the carpet, right? That now you're starting to get a backbone and speak up for yourself. They're gonna be like, hey, ho, like what's going on here? Like yesterday you let me walk all over you. Today you're not. I don't like this new person, right? And so you have to be, you know, when you're changing, you need to be willing, right? Willing is the best word I can come up with to allow these people to leave your life, right? Or at least back off from your life. Because I mean, there's some people that can never leave your your back, right? I mean, they that's just some people, it's impossible, but you know, they're not gonna accept you for who you were before when you were putty in their hands. Now that you're, you know, speaking up for yourself and you know protecting you, right? They're not gonna accept you the same, right? And so you have to be willing to do that. Am I right?

SPEAKER_01 30:33

Absolutely, and I think that's part of that whole external validation system, right? You know, is that you know, um, you know, sometimes we have to let things go because there is going to be pushback, right? When we create change, there's going to be pushback for you internally, but there's also going to be pushback externally.

SPEAKER_03 30:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 30:53

Right. And so, but the most important part of the change process is overturning those assumptions. Because more than likely, you will not be able to achieve that goal without overturning those assumptions because they are protecting you.

unknown 31:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:12

And so if they are protecting you, they're not going to let go. So you have to prove, and you know, through these simple experiments, you have to prove, and you know, through a very, you know, systematic process is this that it is safe. Yeah. You made this, you created this assumption at a time, you know, in which um you needed to, you know, at a stage in your life because it wasn't safe then or whatever. And so, you know, and so you had to, this is the assumption that you came up with, right? Because our brain is always trying to resolve things, it's always trying to, you know, bring things full circle. Okay, I resolved this. This is the truth. Yeah. But is that the truth now at this stage in your life? And you know, and that's where I think coaching becomes so powerful for sure. Because we set a specific goal and we go through a very structured process and we begin to overturn these assumptions, and people are like, wow, this is literally transforming the way I engage, the way I build relationships, the way I interact, the way I live my life. And yeah, and that is what makes it possible. It's by overturning those, you know, those rules and those assumptions, you know, those commitments that we established, you know, in our which can make relationships even stronger, right?

SPEAKER_02 32:57

Like those good relationships that you have, right? When you start speaking up for yourself, you know, those other the people that you're in relationship with can look at you and go, Well, holy man, I would have never thought that you had that voice, right? And and be proud of that and be, you know, even more intrigued in what more you have to share. And, you know, your connection becomes stronger.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

Yeah, because people, you know, and whether it's, you know, you need to, you know, you don't need to be so um exuberant or whatever it is, you know, either end of the spectrum, you know, people truly want to know. They want to know more about you. They want to know the real you. That's what enhances our connections. That's what enhances our relationships. Oh, you know, she just, you know, oh, I never knew she or he thought that. Wow, you know, and and you know what makes us, you know, strengthens our relationships is when when we have people that, you know, they don't necessarily align with our belief systems or, you know, but that they actually can can gently challenge us because that was what makes for engaging conversations and like, you know, and where people get to really just show up and just say, this is what I believe in, their passion and and zeal and zest for whatever it is they're discussing really comes through. And um yeah, people really thrive on deeper connection. And when we loosen these assumptions, right, when we loosen them, then that opens the gateway for that to happen.

SPEAKER_02 34:50

Yeah, yeah. I love, I love this conversation because it it really truly shows like the deeper you want to go, the deeper your connection goes, right? And and you know, it's I mean, yeah, there's gonna be those people that are superficial and they're like, ah, she's too much for me. But really that too much is what we need, right? And especially over the last, you know, five, 10 years, like people we're losing that deep connection with others, right? And so now people are like, oh, I need more, I want more, right? Like I want to go deep, right? I want to actually connect truly with you, right? I don't want just the you know, the coffee conversation, right? Or the standing in the lineup together conversation. I want real conversation. And that's really how you know confidence in bloom started, right? Was because I wanted, I needed that conversation. And I I love talking with women that want to go deep, right? And so I mean, look at we, I mean, we've gone deep. This is deep, right? I mean, people it's pretty high level for sure. Yeah, we don't talk filters, you know, in the in the lineup at the coffee shop, or you know, we just don't do that. And so we don't think about them. And but we I I want to believe that people will, you know, question themselves, why did I say that? Like, what was the true meaning of me making that comment? Right? I hear my daughter say that, Mom, I don't know why I even said that. You know, there's a reason. There's a reason why those words come to your mouth, right? Be curious, think about it. Like, what were you looking for? What kind of an answer did you really expect to get when you asked that question or gave that answer? Right? Yeah, I love this.

Vulnerability That Deepens Connection

SPEAKER_01 36:38

I do too. I love it, and so you know, I'll give you an example, a little story here. You know, I had um people really, and if you can talk about your emotions, how you are feeling, you know, I am feeling right now, you know, really embarrassed. I am feeling, you know, really exposed or inadequate, whatever it might be. And I'll give you this little story is that, you know, I had a doctor's appointment, I showed up and um there was an accident, all sorts of different things happening, and I showed up and and I was, you know, I was late. I was like 10 minutes late. And the receptionist just blasted me. And um, you know, and then, you know, so I'm waiting and I'm just like, oh, and so then I went in to see the physician, and um and immediately, you know, how are you doing today? And I said, you know what? I feel so ashamed. And the physician looked at me and just held my hand and said, Tell me how come? And when I shared, I said, you know, I arrived late, I don't like to arrive late, and you know what, and I I just felt awful, and I felt ashamed that I was late for a really important appointment, and and I didn't want to affect your schedule, and you know, and and you know what? What it brought out in that physician was their humanity.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

I was gonna say, life happens, like we have to prepare for stuff like that.

SPEAKER_01 38:21

That's right, but what it did for him when I shared how I was feeling, what it did is it allowed that physician, that probably was a moment in their day that they rarely experience. Someone being vulnerable with their emotions, saying, you know, and um and what it did, it stuck with them. And um yeah, and they even actually wrote me a note, sent me an email the next day. Wow. Yeah. So when we I think the point is, is that when we share our vulnerability, our emotions, you know, whether we're feeling, you know, inferior, insecure, you know, afraid, scared, um, uh, then what it does is it allows them to be more human. Yeah. That's what we're all craving.

SPEAKER_02 39:16

And relate with you, right? Because every single human on this earth knows what it's like to feel shame and guilt and embarrassment, right? They might not admit it, right? But if you're in a room like that in a doctor's office, right, that gives them, if they take it, that gives them the opportunity to go, holy man, like I know, I know what that feels like. I know how I felt at that moment, I know how you're feeling. Right now, I've also been hearing, and we're we're gonna start running out of time here, but um, you know, when when someone is telling you a story, you know, the response I understand is actually false, right? Because I don't live in your body, and so I cannot understand what you are feeling. I can, you know, relate with what your your situation is, but I can't really understand your story and your, you know, I mean, comprehend and understand are two different things, right? But I I don't know what you're feeling. I don't, I can imagine, I can relate with your story, but I can't understand what your story is. But this, you know, kind of scenario where the doctor's like, wow, like I've been there, I know what you're feeling, and I'm sorry that you feel that way, right? It just it brings you to a level of common, right? You're we're both, we have that in common. We're both human.

SPEAKER_01 40:46

Right. And and that brings us to you know the whole empathy piece, right? And you know, I think um, you know, you know, high schoolers, junior high schoolers, they get it so well because you know what? They go, I feel you, man, you know, right? And they actually say it, yeah. I feel you, man. You know, it's not like I understand, I'm not, you know, like I feel you, man. Like that works.

Observe Yourself And Name Feelings

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Yeah, I get it. I get it. I love it. So, Mary, tell me, what's one small but powerful shift someone can make today to start showing up more fully as themselves?

SPEAKER_01 41:26

Oh, um one small shift, I would say be an observer, begin to observe how you show up with different people, and then take note of how you feel. Go inside. How do you feel internally when you show up with these people? Do you feel insecure? Do you feel take a breath? Sigh relief, safety. How do you feel? Do you feel like you're constantly trying to prove right? And is it okay to make a mistake? And I think if we can take note of how we are feeling in these different situations, you know, maybe just pick two people. And I think make mental note and begin to observe how am I behaving, and that awareness will actually make an incredible shift on its own.

SPEAKER_02 42:49

I think so too. I think I love that answer actually. And because once you're aware, you can't be unaware again, right? Unless you block it out. But once you're aware, you know it. Yeah. If someone is afraid of being judged or rejected, and I know we talked about that a lot at the beginning here, um, uh, for who they truly are, what would you want them to hear?

SPEAKER_01 43:12

Someone is afraid of being rejected, yeah, or judged, yeah. Or judged. Yeah, being judged is a they're both, you know, very significant, um, can have significant impacts. Is that if they have that fear, think about where track back, where did this come from? Where did this come from? And is that still valid in my life right now? Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:52

And would you say, just out of curiosity, would you say when someone is always feeling rejected by the same person? Or the same people. Would you say that's is it usually about them, or is it usually about the other person, the person that's doing the rejecting?

SPEAKER_01 44:11

Well, it's always about ourselves, right? We can't control other people. Can we control our side of the street, right? So it's always about ourselves. What's in me that's causing me to respond in this way, react in this way? And if I am reacting in this way, what is the trigger, right? I'm feeling oh not enough. I don't measure up, but I you know, which is all about comparison, right? And so what is it triggering in me? It's always about us, right? So many people want to project it onto the other person, but it's always about us. And so we have to go inside. And for some people, that's not safe. That's a hard thing to do, right? Particularly, you know, right now, you know, everyone wants to, you know, look externally, go inside, and really we say name it to tame it, right? Name that emotion, and when you speak it out, I am feeling utterly insecure, right now. You know, I am feeling um I am feeling incredible you know, joy right now. Whatever it is, if we can name it, then what happens is that will actually help us not only regulate ourselves, but it will help us have a deeper connection with ourselves. And that is how we increase our connection with other people, is we have to first have it, we first can develop a connection with ourselves, right? But we have to be aware of these different emotions that that we're carrying and that are being triggered with different people, different circumstances, right? Because this all goes back to us.

SPEAKER_02 46:15

I really like that answer. It's not really what I wanted to hear, but I do like that answer because nobody wants to know that it's about me, right? Like it's it's not about me. It's she did this, he did this, right? He always does this, right? I mean, we all us women always do that, right? It's always about you did this and you did that, right? But but the truth is, right? Like, look inside and why are you really feeling the way you're feeling?

SPEAKER_01 46:46

And that will identify the meaning we are making out of it. If the meaning I'm making, the meaning I am creating based on what someone else has said, you know, out of their own woundedness, out of their own whatever, the meaning that I'm making out of that, if that affects my identity, then I need to go inside myself and say, okay, I want to live by my own core values. I believe this, this is what is going to be a pillar of strength for me, is that I am an incredibly clever, brilliant, kind-hearted, caring individual. I value that. And you know, and that is where we have to determine, okay, is this a safe place for me to be? Right. But we always want to not have that external validation system, validate ourselves for who we are, right? What who am I? I am, you know, a beautiful, wonderful, created human being, right? And you know, you can bring in the faith element created in God's image, and you know, all sorts of beautiful things about who I am as a person. And when we begin to have this compassion for ourselves, then we can have compassion for other people. And so then what they're projecting onto us doesn't really impact us as much. As much, right?

Self-Validation And Feeling Whole

SPEAKER_02 48:28

Yeah, and um and then I'm what's coming up for me right now is if you can't accept yourself for who you are fully, nobody else can either, right? If you don't love you, who else can love you, right? Fully, right? I mean, we all know we we're all loved, right, in our own way. But if you don't, if I don't love myself completely and whole, right, I won't allow anyone else to love me completely and whole the same way.

SPEAKER_01 49:01

And so, you know, if we keep handing over relinquishing our identity to people around us, then who are we when we're all alone? Who are we when we are standing there and you know, when we have to live our own life, right? And so, you know, that is a really important thing that we need to come to terms with. And there's always going to be parts of ourselves that we're not always happy with and that we want to work on, right? And that is a part of human nature, is that we intrinsically all want to grow and learn and improve ourselves, right? That's what relationships help us improve ourselves, you know, work environments, culture helps us improve ourselves, right? And so that's why, you know, if we really truly want to be the best version of ourselves, we need to be working on various aspects of ourselves at any given time. Yeah, that is also showing value for who I am. Absolutely, right?

SPEAKER_02 50:16

I am so valuable and knowing, like it's also showing that you know your value, right? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 50:25

And I'm gonna pour time and attention and devotion into how I can improve myself, how I can grow myself. Yeah, and just like you know, your whole podcast, and then you can bloom, and it's like it's like a perpetual blooming process because you're gonna bloom over here in this part of your life and bloom here and bloom here, and it's like you know, and that's how we can fully show up, you know, as our whole self.

SPEAKER_02 50:54

Yeah, yeah, I love that. Is there anything else you want to add to our conversation here before we we um finish up?

SPEAKER_01 51:04

Well, I just want to say this has been an absolute pleasure, um, you know, and I think being your, you know, being your true self isn't about standing out more or you know, having a bigger personality, or you know, or minimizing yourself or in any way, it's about feeling more whole and less conflicted inside. Yeah, yeah. And that's when yeah, life becomes less effortful.

Programs And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_02 51:41

Yes, absolutely. Thank you so much for that. Now, do you have any programs that you want to um let our listeners know about?

SPEAKER_01 51:50

Yes, so um I at Mary Prince Coaching and Consulting, we offer individual coaching, but also right now we have a um a women's cohort, women who lead cohort. It's an eight-week cohort, and um yeah, and so you can check that out. That is it's a fabulous program. It's virtual and so it's accessible, very accessible for you know, wherever you live. And we go, we dive deep into, as you know, um, I I love the depth because when we go deep, then we can surface a lot of these things that are hidden and holding us back from uh really achieving the goals that we desire. And so we go deep and it's in eight sessions, and it is we we just get the most absolutely fabulous, wonderful people and who are really ready and willing to dive deep. Love that.

SPEAKER_02 52:45

I love that. Thank you so much for joining me today. I love this conversation. My heart feels so full. I know that there's a lot that you know our listeners can reach out to you and ask you more about because, you know, we talked about a lot of stuff, you know, and yeah, if any one of you would like to talk with Mary, please reach out to her because I know she's amazing and she can help the world. This conversation was such a beautiful reminder that confidence isn't about becoming someone new. It's about returning to who you've always been before the world told you to be anything else. Your uniqueness is not something to tone down, fix, or question. It's something to honor, trust, and fully express. Thank you so much, Mary, for sharing your wisdom and for the work you do in helping women step into deeper self-awareness and lasting change. And to everyone listening, if this episode resonated with you, I'd love for you to share it, tag us, and let us know what stood out most. Because the more we own who we are, the more we give other women permission to do the same. So until next time, keep blooming into the most confident, authentic self.

SPEAKER_00 53:55

Thanks for listening. This show was brought to you by Divas That Care. Connect with us on Facebook, on Instagram, and of course on divasletcare.com, where you can subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss a thing.