Own Your Spotlight

Come and listen to our Host, Tina Spoletini, as she chats with today's guest, Orzala Quddi, for our “Unapologetically Unique” Podcast Series.

This mini-series serves to distill success into its truest form—standing firmly in your own identity. We are moving beyond the comparison game to help you lead with unapologetic confidence. By anchoring your habits in self-belief rather than outside expectations, you’ll shift from chasing temporary inspiration to becoming a changemaker with lasting, year-long momentum. 

Orzala is a visibility coach and former owner of the award-winning social media agency, Make It Happen Services. With 13 years of entrepreneurial experience, she knows how to turn online presence into real-world impact.

Best known for her sell-out networking event, Coffee & Collab, which created real buzz in the small business community, Orzala now helps entrepreneurs cut through the noise, grow their platforms online and offline, and get seen by the right people.

Her work is grounded in strategy, simplicity, and a deep passion for helping business owners step confidently into the spotlight they deserve.

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Facebook: tag my personal page orzalatadman

Linkedin: Please tag my account orzalaquddusi

We share practical ways to show up without copying anyone else and why your difference is the advantage you have been trying to hide.
• why many women avoid vulnerability on social media and how it becomes a business bottleneck
• the headshot and “I’ll do it after I lose weight” trap and what it signals to your audience
• simple ways to practise visibility using Stories, b-roll reels and low-pressure formats
• how shame and burnout break consistency and how to return without spiralling
• redefining success beyond income goals and stepping out of comparison culture
• what makes Coffee And Collab work including community energy and no hard selling
• visibility beyond social media including networking, podcasts and offline marketing
• how to stop being invisible in a room by clarifying messaging and uniqueness

For more Divas That Care Network Episodes visit www.divasthatcare.com

Transcript

Welcome And The Theme

SPEAKER_00 0:00

It's Divas that Care Radio. Stories, strategies, and ideas to inspire positive change. Welcome to Divas That Care, a network of women committed to making our world a better place for everyone. This is a global movement for women by women engaged in a collaborative effort to create a better world for future generations. To find out more about the movement, visit divas that care.com after the show. Right now, though, stay tuned for another jolt of inspiration.

From Social Agency To Visibility

SPEAKER_01 0:31

Welcome back to Confidence in Bloom, the podcast for women who are ready to reconnect with who they truly are and step into their next chapter with confidence. This month's theme is unapologetically unique because confidence isn't about becoming more like everyone else. It's about becoming more of who you really are. In a world where comparison is constant and visibility can feel intimidating, many women hold themselves back from fully showing up. They question their voice, their story, and whether they're too much or not enough. Today's guest knows exactly how powerful visibility can be when it comes from authenticity. Orzala is a visibility coach and former owner of the award-winning social media agency Make It Happen Services. With over 13 years of entrepreneurial experience, she has helped business owners turn their online presence into real-world impact. She's also the creator of the sellout networking event, Coffee and Collab, which created incredible buzz in the small business community and helped entrepreneurs connect, collaborate, and get seen. Now Ordzella helps entrepreneurs cut through the noise, grow their platforms both online and offline, and step confidently into the spotlight they deserve. Today we're talking about owning your story without apology, breaking free from comparison culture, and why your difference is actually your greatest power. Thank you so much for having me. Of course. Now, you have spent years running a successful social media agency before stepping into uh what we call visibility coaching. Um I want to know what inspired that shift. Oh, God.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

It's I it's like, okay, it's just gonna take an hour. It's uh it's a long, I guess it's a long story, but I will basically just give you the shorter version of it. So while I had my social media agency, I was also coaching. And a majority of my clients were female entrepreneurs. Um, so I had two sets of clients, clients that wanted content done for them, and then there were clients that we actually worked basically one-on-one to help them so they can manage their own social media. And what I see in each client was when female entrepreneurs were basically kind of a pattern that was basically a challenge that they all had. And one of the biggest um things that they struggled with was basically being vulnerable on social media.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Ah right, right, and so that was where you kind of stepped in and said, okay, you don't have to like bear it all, you don't have to go totally naked, but one is it like one step at a time, or one, like you know how in the coaching world we say we peel the onion, it's one layer at a time, right?

SPEAKER_02 3:36

Um it is so it was interesting. So when I work with clients from a managing aspect of it, um we would kind of come up with a strategy and create the content. And the challenge that um we had, my team and I, it was when we said, you know what, we want to post that talks about you, a little bit more about you. It would take a client forever to produce that type of content. So some of the excuses that I would hear, and this is from management and and coaching, was um, for example, I would do a social media audit and ask that they need to refresh their, let's say, headshot. Um, that's very basic one because you know, I would look at a client, they look very different than basically their online presence. It's been so many years that they haven't got basically right, right. And what I would get was I'm gonna get new photos once I lose my lose weight.

SPEAKER_01 4:29

Oh, I know all about that. Yes, I know all about that. So they didn't they wanted to be seen as the coach, but they didn't want to be or as the business owner that they were, but they didn't want to be seen as who they were because they were not comfortable in their own skin.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

Correct. So it was it's like when I got into the space, I never thought that a lot of it is mindset related. You you're marketing and it's very, you know, cut and dry. Right. But then it's like on chat now. I'm dealing with managing my clients' mindsets because wow, yeah, we're not getting results if we're creating content. Well, we're trying to create content or we're just relying on stock images because I can, you know what?

SPEAKER_01 5:16

I can get I can totally understand where they're coming from. I remember as a stylist being in the dressing room with a woman, and I picked out an outfit that I think looked absolutely amazing on her. She's standing in front of the mirror almost in tears, saying, Tina, I could never wear this out of my house. And I'm thinking, like, why? Like, what is wrong with it? Like, it looks absolutely amazing on you. And she, you know, and then she found reasons to not like it, right? My husband's gonna hate it, my friends are gonna hate it, you know. I can't walk into a room wearing red. I've never worn red before, right? Or or whatever it was. And and it's not about, you're right, it's the mindset, right? It's about that itty bitty shitty committee and what we tell ourselves, how much we're worth. Like, you know, we're not good enough, we're not worth it. We're not, you know, I don't deserve to wear a beautiful, you know,$900 outfit. No, right?

SPEAKER_02 6:11

So, yeah, so it works the same in business, it it does, and this is why I always say business is like 80% mindset and 20% strategy. Wow. Yeah, okay. So that I mean, that answers a lot of questions. Yeah, like I'm not a mindset coach, but what I have done now, one since I've shifted. So what I wanted to do, so when I while I was managing managing clients, which means I was creating content, I was still coaching them because I need to get them comfortable to say, well, we need this content. We talked about it, we need your updated images, or we needed your branding photo shoot.

SPEAKER_01 6:48

Wow. Okay, so okay, so that I mean I I I love that that was your answer, right? I don't love that that is the answer, right? Like, I do you know what I mean? Like that's because that makes me feel like it makes me feel heavy for these women, right? So, what do you think then? Like, I mean, obviously, you know, I'm not alone, my clients have been haven't been alone, right? And I and I that's why I'm here, right? To allow women and our listeners to to realize and understand that they are not alone. And so, how so let's start with what do you think is holding them, like all these women back from owning their story and being unapologetic about it?

Fear Of Being Seen Online

SPEAKER_02 7:35

To me, in the social media space, which I can only talk about it in in the marketing space because we're kind of putting ourselves out there, I feel like for a lot of us we struggle to be vulnerable in general, but then now in the social media space, we're being vulnerable publicly to strangers, right?

SPEAKER_01 7:55

And expecting that to bring in business, yes, yes, yes, yeah, I could see that. And so how do you handle that? Like, how like how do you handle that? Because I mean, we were not trained that vulnerability is okay, we're learning this now, especially in business, right?

SPEAKER_02 8:12

Right, right. So for me, which what I teach my clients is to start from like small steps. So, for example, if I were to ask them, let's create a post about you, or if you want to share a little bit about yourself, let's basically remove the family. So, what are you comfortable sharing? For example, what are you comfortable sharing if you go to a networking event? From there, it's just building the muscle. Also, for me, it's showing them the results. So, if a post that's about them or they're sharing a little bit more about themselves, if that's gonna perform well, it also gives them the courage to want to do more.

SPEAKER_01 8:51

And to go deeper, correct.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

And it depends on a brand. For some, for some of us, we don't need to go deeper because I've worked with like realtors, financial advisors, mortgage, like a variety of industries. Um, but for some of them, it's as simple as, for example, I recall um a realtor that I basically had a coaching call with where she would refuse to change her pictures because she was a lot older now, and she felt like that was going to be an issue with getting clients because people will not want to work with an older realtor.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

But when they see you in person, they're gonna realize you don't look like your pictures.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Correct. So she basically wanted the phone ringing, and then she'll take care of it after. But to me, that's being you lose credibility. So, from a marketing aspect of it, what I see online and what I would see in person, it's two different things. So we already lose trust.

SPEAKER_01 9:51

Okay, so that is one thing that I have issues with is the whole video making. Yes. I can put my picture out there, I don't have a problem with that. Yeah, but I do have myself personally, now I'm not talking for everybody, I don't like putting like I don't want to make a video. Like I actually don't want to make videos, right? But I also feel like that's part of like that's part of how social media is working today. Correct. Yes, right? So really, if I want social media to work for me, I have to do what everyone else is doing, even though I don't agree with it.

SPEAKER_02 10:28

Correct. You don't have to, for example, in terms of the videos, you don't have to be dancing in front of a video, you don't have to do crazy videos, you could be doing talking videos or just talking to the camera. So you can find where you're comfortable and make that work for you. So, for example, I struggle with video. Um, so most of what I teach my clients, and the reason a lot of people come to me because I have a lot of similar struggles, and I have been in the social media space with the similar struggles. So you get it, I get it, but at the same time, I have made social media successful for myself despite the struggles.

SPEAKER_01 11:07

Uh-huh. So you know the secrets.

SPEAKER_02 11:09

Yeah. To me, it's for me. So, for example, for me, I hate doing videos. I I've always hated it. I've never basically loved it. I just, but it's basically looking back and seeing where what is it that bothers me about it, and then also why is it? So for me, it has a lot to do with like culturally and also growing up with how you look. Values and beliefs, right? It's how physically, right? So so basically, culturally for women, you need like if you're an attractive woman, you get to tend to get in my culture a lot more attention, not only from men, but also from you know, from women in general, like not in in another sense, but in sense where, like, oh my gosh, she's so attractive because maybe the women want to be attractive like that person. Right. So the wrong attention is what basically basically so a lot of it is physical, right? So with videos, so for example, for myself, it's like I don't like how I look in a video. So when I'm talking, my facial expressions, all of that I don't like. I remember um going live with an organization that I was basically going to be a speaker, and I while I was in the live, I had my mom messaging me and telling me that I should not be making the faces.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

Oh my goodness. Yes. Okay, so first lesson, you put the phone away so you don't see those messages, right? But at the same time, like your what was coming out of your mouth wasn't matching the faces that you were making.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Well, she just didn't like how I was making faces and it didn't make me look attractive. It's like, oh, don't don't make your eyebrows. And yeah, so from from basically so that's called that's called body language, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:53

Like we all do that, right?

SPEAKER_02 12:55

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

To me, it's funny.

SPEAKER_02 12:58

My my point with that example is and then imagine you're being in alive and then seeing that, right? How does that make you feel?

SPEAKER_01 13:04

And that's so then right away you turn into like a robot, right? Like, okay, no, no expression, no, you're just looking at the camera, answering the questions, and no, no heart is coming out with your answer.

SPEAKER_02 13:16

And wow, and it's going back and going, like, okay, where are these fears are coming from? And then kind of wanting to work on it. So for me, definitely that's that's one. Or like I basically host a networking event and I do reels, and I had my sister going, like, you need to buy heels. Everybody, you're a critic, right? Exactly. So I grew up with that, and so then guess what's gonna happen now? If you're gonna put a tension spotlight on me, I'm gonna shut down because all of those things is gonna start playing in my head, and it's not even consciously right, and and that's and that's you, like we all have that, we all have that in one way or another. Yeah, it could be from some like someone is I had a client where she did not want to go and be all the way out there and do videos because what of her in-laws thing, like ex-in-laws, uh right, right, because we don't know, and this is what it comes down to.

SPEAKER_01 14:16

We really don't know who's going to see what we're putting out there, correct? Right, and every single person we know, and every single person we don't know is going to judge us based on their own values and beliefs, and so I mean that opens that door so wide, right? That now I can't undo that, I can't un show the video once it's out there.

Low Pressure Ways To Start Video

SPEAKER_02 14:44

Yeah, it's and it's that's what it is. So, one of the the tricks that I have with my clients is to use stories. So, stories, so Instagram, Facebook stories disappear after 24 hours. So when you're just dabbling into like wanting to do videos, start doing short videos and throw it in your stories. It's gonna disappear after 24 hours, it's not gonna change.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

Oh, okay, that makes sense. That I why not? Now, what I don't like the word disappear in the same sentence as social media because I don't believe that it just disappears. Like, you know, I mean, I'm you know, not old, but I'm old, right? And I think in 30 years, 40 years, I may not be here anymore. If it shows up then, it shows up then, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:32

It stories does disappear, like it's unless somebody takes a screenshot of it.

SPEAKER_01 15:36

But if it's a video is not a playing screenshot of a video, there's no proof, there's no proof of where this goes after, right?

SPEAKER_02 15:42

It's yeah, yes, but it's also to basically calm their fear to be like, okay, if you have a fear of everybody seeing it, stories is only for a number of people. Right.

SPEAKER_01 15:54

So whoever's gonna see your story within the 24 hours will see it. Some may judge you, some may they just might not care and move along, and some may comment, some may not. Yeah, that well, and that makes sense, right? That gives you the practice, it gives you the um uh what's the word I'm looking at? Like it gets you out there, it gets you somewhat some visibility, not correct complete, but it gets you some. And then as you get more comfortable, then you can start putting them on as a regular post on reels or or whatever, like whatever other system that we use, right? Like I know, like I don't know how reels work. Like I must go into some kind of a like a library on Facebook and Instagram.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

They they are there, yeah. They stay on your in your feed forever, kind of thing, unless you delete them. Right. So the reels are there forever. So that's why the stories are there, just for it's it's also, and you know how it is with a lot of fear, the more practice it just it just disappears, right? Right, right. So the more we get to practice that, uh, the more it's just gonna get more you get more comfortable around doing it. Right.

SPEAKER_01 16:58

And then the more you get comfortable too, the better you get at it, right? The more information that you share. Because I mean that's what it comes down to. It's not about you being on the video, it's more about what you're sharing on your video that matters.

SPEAKER_02 17:12

That's basically what it is. It's the content. And and you are not like the content, you're just kind of the messenger, you know, kind of messenger passing on the message. So it's like really what you're saying, it's more the quality of the content. So what is it, you know, what is it saying? And now these days, like you need to have a hook. And with the reels, right? There's a there's basically a way of doing it, and with reels, we also have b-roll content, which is I'm sure you've seen people are just recording themselves working and they're not talking, and then there's text right, right. So those are perfect for somebody who's struggling with the video. Oh, because I don't have to talk, I could just be like I could be recording myself right now talking to you. Um, and then when I put it as a real, I put a trending audio on it, and the the sound is mute.

SPEAKER_01 18:01

Okay, so you okay, so now I know we're getting technical now, but I'm curious to know when you do something like that. Like if I'm gonna, you know, like if you're gonna record this video and you're gonna put it out there, but you're not gonna like allow your sound, like your voice to come out. So you have these words that come across your screen or what however you do it, you must need like a special software or program to do that.

SPEAKER_02 18:26

Um, to have to add text. Well, and Instagram has a built-in edit edit. Oh, it does. Oh, it does.

SPEAKER_01 18:33

Okay, free to use. So so because so I feel like um for me to not learn how to do this, I have to take a special course because I mean I know how to I know how to put a story, I know how to make a post, but to do that, I don't know how to do that.

SPEAKER_02 18:46

It's yeah, it's very simple. It's an edits app that you could do that. But I know we're getting technical, but at the same time, um, for your listeners that may be struggling with that part, these are some options to say, I'm still doing reels, right? But I'm not just doing where I'm talking because what I find, another thing that I discovered being in the social media space that I never thought would happen is we have so much anxiety when it comes to our online presence.

SPEAKER_01 19:16

Yeah, which is so I find it really strange. And now maybe it's the age thing. Like, you know, I look at my daughter's a hairdresser, yeah, and she's she's got no problem putting like stuff on. And I'm like, why are you putting that on? Like in my in my own head. I'm like, why are you doing this? Like yesterday, she was showing products that she sells, and she's putting like putting the product on her hand so that the camera could see what the product looked like. And I'm like, I don't need to see that when I'm in your chair, show me that. But but then after I was like, but the reality is if I'm interested in product only, right? At least I have an idea of what you're selling, because that's what it comes down to, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:57

It it it is, it's basically getting ourselves visible, but also attracting the right people, right? For business. So for her, it would be like if if somebody, if she's a brick and mortar, which a Solana is, uh, most people are not like, you know, just roaming around on the on the streets anymore. Right. We're spending a lot of time on the phone. So it just makes sense to get them from the phone, right? From online space to climb.

SPEAKER_01 20:20

At 24 years old. Yeah, at 24 years old, she knows. I mean, she's been on social, like, she's been on her phone since she was 14. So she's like, she's in the middle of it, right? Whereas I'm still an outsider looking in, really, like I really still don't get it. And I don't part of me doesn't want to get it, right? Part of me wants to stay the old way, right? Because it's easier, right?

SPEAKER_02 20:43

It's yeah, it is, yeah. Yeah, if we I think we're all like a lot of my clients just come and say, um, the ones that I'm coaching and be like, oh, if I would maybe some days I just feel like I would pay you to do this, um, which I don't do it anymore. But the reality is, as an entrepreneur, we're the face of the business, right?

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Right.

SPEAKER_02 21:03

So no matter who will be basically putting those reels for you or creating content and posting, it has to be me. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 21:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:12

So it's very important to basically finding ways to slowly overcome the fear.

Consistency Slips And The Shame Loop

SPEAKER_01 21:19

Yes. Okay. Well, that is something that I'm working on. I've been saying that for a long time, but I still am. I'm like, you know, beyond baby steps. I'm like, you know, really inching. You know what I mean? But I'm getting there. Like, and I find now, and I know that you can talk on this because you're gonna have experience with this, but I find I can do really good for two or three months where I post consistently, right? And I post on content that I'm working with, like, you know, with not necessarily clients, but this kind of things that I'm working with with clients. And then I'll, you know, I'll have a busy weekend or I'll have a week where I'm like in meetings all day, every day, and social media leaves my mind, right? And then it takes Me two or three months to get back into that consistency, right? And now I know there's automation, I know that there's you know it's planning, being strategic, I know that that's it's all kind of encompassed in one, but how do we get past that? You know, getting off track.

SPEAKER_02 22:16

So working with my own clients and including myself, where I have gone through periods where I burn out and stopped posting, um, or my business got really busy, and then I was like, okay, I need I'm have other forms of marketing that I was basically utilizing. A lot of it for a lot of people has to do with shame. Shame they are ashamed to go back out there because they had gone away for so long and the accounts were quiet. Because while they're not doing it, behind the scenes, they're still anxious, they're aware of it that it's not being done.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

Oh my goodness, I never thought of shame. That's funny. I never thought of shame. But yeah, I I get it. It's like, okay, well, you know if you miss one day, you know, I know they'll forgive me. If you miss two days, they're gonna be like, Well, what's going on? Like, where is she? By the third day, it's like, oh, she's forgotten, right? Like, she's given up on four months, right?

SPEAKER_02 23:12

For some people, yeah. Because what happens is you know that you should be doing it. So it's not that it's not nagging in your head that it needs to be done. So you disappear, it's kind of like you're disappearing on your followers, so it just it does show a little bit that you're not being can consistent, which is the credibility. It's like you know, disappearing on your clients.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Ah, yeah, that makes sense. Well, I'm a little surprised, actually, right? To be honest, shame. I guess it I mean, I know what shame is, but and and I yeah, when you said it, I feel guilty for feeling that shame. And so I knew what it was. I just I get maybe I didn't want to believe that. I don't know. I don't know, but that's it makes sense, it does make sense, like I get it now.

SPEAKER_02 23:58

So so for me, I thought it was like I had a lot of shame one of this period that I had that, and I thought, okay, because it has to do well, I'm in the social media space. No, um, but then I had other clients that were struggling with that, and then and then they literally said that they feel ashamed to go back. It's like, what do you and then also it's like, what do I do now? What do I say? Why was I gone for so long?

SPEAKER_01 24:21

And so, okay, in that case, yeah, and I've done this myself, like I've put a message out there, so this is what I do now, right? Like, you know, my business has changed, or you know, my my focus has changed, or whatever it was. I've done that once or twice now. How many times do we do that before you know our potential clients who are following us and seeing us on social media go, this woman doesn't know what she's doing? Like, how many times can we do that before we lose them forever?

SPEAKER_02 24:50

Well, ideally, I would like to see that we do have a plan in place that you can be consistent at some capacity. So, even let's say if you've been posting every day and then maybe you're gonna reduce it to three times, but you still have some sort of presence. Some sort.

SPEAKER_01 25:05

So it's basically try not like do your best not to fall off completely. Like even if it's just even if it's not like your regular content and you're posting like you know, a meme or oh my gosh, you're not gonna believe what I did today. Like something like that just to stay present somehow, some way.

SPEAKER_02 25:24

So that's good, and then from a tech side of things, like I wanna I I have to get technical because it's social media. The algorithm doesn't like when you disappear for so long, it takes a lot of work to basically get the algorithm to warm up again once you come back.

SPEAKER_01 25:38

Yeah, I noticed that. If I don't go on Facebook for even just for a weekend, all I get is ads.

SPEAKER_02 25:45

It's it's not from your end, it's your content is not going to be shown to more people, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:50

And I I get that part, even like if I don't go on Facebook and I don't look at other people's content, all I get for the first you know, hundred messages, it's all ads. I'm like, I don't want, I want to see my people, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:04

I want to see yes, because you haven't been interacting with posts, so they don't believe at this point where you stand in terms of your interest. Yeah, that's one thing I don't like about social media. One other thing that, and this is not mine, it was I had heard this from someone else. What she does is she goes through through the times where she wants like a mental health break from social media. She actually in those times invests in hiring a company to do it.

SPEAKER_01 26:31

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know about, I mean, I guess every everyone to their own, right? Every company has to do what works for them. I like to be on there, I want to be the one engaging with with my people, but I can see how when you know, because there's certain times of the year where your business is going to be busier than normal. And even just that half hour a day or whatever time that you are spending, it's too much, right? So I can see where that could come into, you know.

SPEAKER_02 27:00

It it's that, and sometimes for some people, they may be going through stuff. So from a mental health aspect, it's affecting them and they just don't want to be on the platform, right? So having a company to maybe not do their usual post, but just have some sort of content going out there, right? It just keeps basically the consistency going.

SPEAKER_01 27:18

Right.

SPEAKER_02 27:18

Yeah, that makes sense. Wow. Okay. Yeah, and then in terms of like how many times, I feel like there's really not a lot of times. What I do, if I take long breaks, I always find something to bring back to say why I took the break. So I'll be honest and be like, oh, I was gone, but then maybe I was working on something exciting.

Your Uniqueness And Redefining Success

SPEAKER_01 27:38

Right, right. I have one coming out in the next week as on on the same thing, right? I've been posting, but definitely not consistently. But I do have a good reason. Like it's not like I've been, you know, sitting back on the couch going, ah, I don't feel like it's date. No, no, I've been I've been in something. Yeah. So okay, so that's good to know. So you can do that. Like just know that your your people are watching for you when that comes out. Yeah. Okay, so that's good. That's good. Now we're yeah, I mean, obviously, you know, we've been talking for the last half hour about you know, you and your, you know, making entrepreneurs visible. Um, so maybe you can tell me how can someone sort of begin to see their own uniqueness as an advantage rather than something that they need to tone down? Like if I want to be, like sometimes I feel like I'm loud and I don't consider myself obnoxious, but loud and maybe a little bit too, I don't know what the word is. I I don't want to say too much, but too much of something, right? So how if I don't want to come across like that, or you know, I want to tame it down a bit, how do I do that?

SPEAKER_02 28:48

Why would you want to tame it down?

SPEAKER_01 28:49

That's my question. I knew that was gonna be your question, right? Because I mean, we want we want to see you for who you are, right? I understand that I, you know, that has been drilled in my head with this social media, but sometimes that's not who I want to be, right? Like, you know, if it's something that I don't know if I can so is it who you don't want to be?

SPEAKER_02 29:11

So here's something that happened to me. I can only again talk about my own experiences, right? Um, something I had struggled with for a long time was just I'm very laid back and I'm very like soft-spoken and very like I'm the opposite of being in the case. And I struggled with that because I would see other women that were not like that, and and I would just be like, Oh, to me, the idea of being like confident was that. Oh, or or they would dress a certain way, and I would be like, Oh, if I need to, in order for me to be confident, I need to be like this person, I need to dress this way, I need to wear heels. I need to get my nails done, and and you know what I mean, and be always put together, right? It's so it's actually so for me, um, I turned 40 last year, so it's been now in my 40s. I realized that I think I like the idea of that person, but that person is not me. Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

And so basically it comes down to accept who you are, correct, and love who you are. Like I always use the the the that phrase accept it and embrace it, right? Like it doesn't matter what the person beside you is or who he or she is, what matters is me, right? Like what matters is am I being my authentic self? Am I being myself? Because there are people out there for you.

SPEAKER_02 30:46

Correct. And then I and that's what I love about uh just entrepreneurship in general. I feel like there's our people for everyone. I love this. Okay, so this I mean, I we can attract them, right? As long as we put our authentic self out there, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 31:04

And I guess that's what the key is, right? So is that the kind of advice that you give to women then that you know are like, oh, I can't be like that, or I can't, you know, always comparing themselves to others, right?

SPEAKER_02 31:17

I just talk based on my own experience. So most of basically, because my my I my coaching is really like social media marketing coaching, I can't really get in the mindset, but what I help my clients when it comes to mindset stuff is to do with my own personal experience. It's like, hey, this is what worked for me. And for me, I came to that realization because it's like I don't want to get my nails done. I like the idea when I see another woman I want to compliment and say, Oh my god, that looks great. But when I get it done, I'm so uncomfortable. Wow. I mean, heels, I hate it. So then I'm not being myself and I'm very uncomfortable, and people could tell.

SPEAKER_01 31:52

You know, that's so true, right? I I always have my nails done because I can't stand them not done. But I do the same thing. I'll see women who don't have their nails done and it looks so freeing, right? And then I go and I don't do my nails, and I'm like, oh my god, I hate it. I can't stand the way it feels, and I can't, you know, but it did, and it's that's the same thing with everything, whether it's the clothes we're wearing, the food we're eating, the way we do our hair, our makeup, all the things, right? You have to do what feels right for you, not what looks right on someone else.

SPEAKER_02 32:22

Correct. It's like we love the idea because it's like it looks polished and everything, but that does that idea of that person or that thing that they are doing, does it resonate with us as in like when we actually do it? Like I hate blazers and you know what I mean? Like I wear them sometimes, but then I know that I'm like, okay, this is not making me feel confident. So yeah, I don't, yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 32:44

I don't feel better when I wear that suit or that outfit. I would rather be wearing yoga pants and a sweatshirt. No, I mean, obviously you can't work like that, but but I'm just yes, that's who I am, is you know, the yoga and the sweatsuit or this or the suit.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

I mean, yes, and then somebody that can't wear the yoga pants and the sweatsuit, they may not have a single one of them in their wardrobe. Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

But but they, I mean, if you go to their wardrobe, they're wearing their their wardrobe is come is you know full of clothes that make them who they are. And if it's not, they're probably not wearing half of their clothes, right? Correct. I mean, that's that's what life comes down to. Oh my god. Okay, so this conversation is amazing because it all comes down to the same thing, right? Like it's accept yourself for who you are, right? And let the world accept you for that.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

That and then also, I guess for me, it was overcoming a lot of messaging that has to do maybe the society, but also in general, too, but people around me of what a successful woman should look like, right, and not, right? And all of that, you take that on, so then you can go with that perception that that's how you, in order for you to be this way, you need to be seen as successful. For me, it's been that I have been struggling a lot with that success component of it. Yeah, what does success mean to me lately?

SPEAKER_01 34:02

Right, and so you just you just hit it, actually. So, you know, we all need to understand that every single person on the earth has a different definition of success, right? Now, um, I don't know where it was, but I was saying that, you know, some someone like a you know, you could be, you know, your definition of success might be keeping my kids out of jail because I grew up in a family that everybody I knew was in jail, right? And if my kids are all 24, 25 and they're not in jail, that to me is success, right? And yet another person might be, well, success is I have 10 million dollars in the bank when you know I retire and I'm ready to go into that chapter of my life, right? If you define success that way, um there's no right or wrong, but it's gotta mean something different to every single person.

SPEAKER_02 34:58

Correct. And we don't want to compare and then take on other people's success, right? Of what exactly, exactly. And I and I see like a lot of this happens even in the marketing space. I don't know if you've noticed that, where a lot of coaches would be like, Oh, I'm gonna help you get into 10k month or or 5k months. And yeah, yeah, no, it it's so that doesn't happen. A lot of people also that I have personally talked to feel very anxious behind the scenes. Well, yeah, because they feel like they haven't got there.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

And if they haven't got there, like if they've been working at their business for five years and they've barely had like a$3,000 month, yeah. Now you're gonna get me to a$10,000 month after a three-hour course. I don't think so, right?

SPEAKER_02 35:40

For them, yes, it's not the the the three-hour course or the commitment aspect of it, it's just the money component because what we're doing now, we're attaching success to that ten thousand dollar month, we're attaching success to the five thousand dollar a month. So for me, when I was making the ten thousand dollar months, I was miserable. So the idea that was my but that was the dream of getting there and then getting there, and I was not really enjoying it. But it's like because for me that was not my definition of success. I had taken on all the other people's where they're telling me that I should be there at that level, right?

SPEAKER_01 36:23

Because let's be honest, a ten thousand dollar month, it's not like um it's not easy, right? You have to work hard.

SPEAKER_02 36:31

It is, yes, you could basically depending on your product and services, you can make it work, but it's also have to look at it is that to for me, it's like I thought that's what I wanted because all the messaging I see around me, that's what it was saying. And then I got it and I'm like, oh, I don't I don't want this because maybe certain certain things I didn't want it to sacrifice, right? Like the time with my kids and my family, right?

SPEAKER_01 36:55

Right. Um and we have to you have to balance it all, right? And what's more important sometimes, right? Yeah, and that's the thing.

SPEAKER_02 37:02

And for me, that's more like to me, success is just basically you know spending more time with my kids and my family. So that's where it's like base. I struggled with that part, yes, uh, but in general, it's like you they it's like it makes it feel like you will get there and you will have this feeling, but it's just another day.

SPEAKER_01 37:23

Ah, yes, yeah, I get that. I get that. Wow, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 37:28

So for me it was like, oh my god, I chased this for so many years. I got here, I worked so hard, but this is it.

SPEAKER_01 37:33

This is how you and I think that's what a lot of us feel, right? I I don't aim for the ten thousand dollar a month. I don't because I don't want to put in the work. I'll I'll be honest, right? I'm here to help women, I'm not here to make to you know take their money, right? I mean, yes, I'm gonna I get paid for for helping them because you know I deserve to be given what I'm going to give you, right? Like I I do I deserve that just like you deserve what I'm about to do for you. But to aim for$10,000 a month is not my thing.

SPEAKER_02 38:05

And that's the thing. So that may not be um your thing. Where for me now I'm looking at it and going, I want to get back there, but I want to do it smarter. Right, right, right.

Coffee And Collab Networking Secrets

SPEAKER_01 38:13

And okay, so that's the difference now. Of course, I'm kind of in that retirement age, so I'm not necessarily bringing, you know, the bread to the table, right? You still have young kids, you still need that, right? My kids are kind of you know on their own. So I we're a different, you know, phase of life. So I can I can see where the difference is. Wow, this has been an awesome conversation. I want to know more about your networking event, the the coffee and collab. Now it sounds super exciting, right? It sounds like you really built it up. Um, what do what do you think made the event so um like so deep and so I I guess resonant is the word. I'm not sure with other entrepreneurs. Like, why do why do they love it so much?

SPEAKER_02 39:01

Honestly, I it's it's the people that it attracts, and I don't know how it does that. So it's the what what a lot of the women entrepreneurs say, it's the energy. It's the people like there's it just attracts a lot of like-minded people. Um, so it started last April. It has to obviously, like I mentioned, being yourself has to do with me, because I was basically the host, so it attracted the people that are attracted to me.

SPEAKER_01 39:29

Right, right, right, right. And so you are yourself, right?

SPEAKER_02 39:34

So it's very low, yeah, it's very like laid-back, soft energy in the room. Oh, I love it. You're not really allowed to sell there. So we we do share out our businesses, but there's no like hard pitches. And I get a lot of feedback around that, that's how people love that. The fact that you feel like you're not being going to a networking event and being pitched to. Um, so there's that component that comes together. And also, what I have done is I have looked at all the other networking events that I was basically not getting what I wanted and combined that and created it too.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

Okay. So it's is it live or is it online or both? It's actually live only. Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 40:18

Yes, so it's it's only in right now, it's only in Durham region, which is in Toronto, close to Toronto. That's where it is. Um, hopefully it will come out your way.

SPEAKER_01 40:28

Well, you know, you know, there's these things we call franchises, and you never know, right? It might be something that you could look into, and yeah, you know, I'm not gonna be the one to push that, but you know, there's there is that that thought, right? So I love that.

SPEAKER_02 40:40

It has, yes, it has sold out since every event, since the inception of it. Um so to me, like I'm a big believer from even the just seeing that the results of that, that you just need to be yourself and you'll attract the people that are attracted to you.

True Visibility Online And Offline

SPEAKER_01 40:56

Right, right. And that's that's perfect. I love that for you. So that's a congratulation. Thank you. So I'm we're we're gonna go, we're gonna talk visibility. Visibility is often equated with social media, but to talk, but you also talk about showing up like online and offline. Correct. What does true visibility really look like for entrepreneurs today? Hmm, that's a great question.

SPEAKER_02 41:21

So to me, visibility is really any form of marketing. So it doesn't like right now, yes, these days it's 90% of it is online with the online space and having a website, but visibility is also going to a networking event. Visibility is having a flyer or your business card. Those are still gets you to be visible, right? Coming to a podcast, yes, it's online. But if we were to do this like a TV interview, right, same concept, same idea. Yeah. It's any way, like basically any forms of marketing that makes you visible to your audience, to people. Now, there's two things that I see in terms of the business space and visibility. There are entrepreneurs that are scared to be visible, which uh until now we were talking about that aspect of it, right? Right. Right. We had there's a lot of fears to go out there and put yourself out there. Um, so there's that component of it. And then there's people that are visible but are actually invisible. So there are entrepreneurs that say I've been to like all the networking events, but I'm not really getting any results, I'm not getting any clients. Um, they may be doing the right things, they think they're doing the right things, but they're still not visible. So to me, visibility is like you could be in a room, but you could still be invisible if you don't know. For example, if you're at a networking event and you don't know how to really network, network, you may still not a lot of people may end up basically meeting you. Right to know what you do, or if you could be too aggressive, that could also be a problem, right?

SPEAKER_01 43:01

Yeah, and I could see that. And so, okay, so I'm I I don't belong to this community, but I follow this community and I go to two events a month, a year. And I went there and I would park myself at the table and I would sit at that table pretty much for the whole event, right? Didn't really talk to anybody other than who was at my table, right? Then I started um the podcast, and so I started inviting um the some of the women to be a guest, right? And I could have a conversation with them like I knew them all my life. Get me in in line, like like in the same room as them, and I wouldn't talk to them, right? And I it wasn't necessarily that I because I'm not shy, right? I didn't feel, I guess, comfortable and confident enough to like really put myself out there as a coach, right? So I can relate with what you're saying, right? That I and and it was, you know, I didn't really I Guess I really at the end of the day, I didn't feel like I knew what I was doing, right? Like I still had lots of learning to do, and I didn't know how to tell people what I was doing. Right. I didn't really know the words to explain. I'm getting better because I've done a lot of training, right? And but I I know what you mean about the, you know, you can be there, but still not heard, right? And it's and it's you can't just sit in a room and expect people to come to you and say, you know, what do you do?

SPEAKER_02 44:32

No, I mean, some people they are like they will go and and go around and we talk to you, but you may not get a lot. Like you get they don't get a lot of people because sometimes people are just busy not working with each other and they may just forget you that you're sitting there. Yeah. Okay, you're limiting yourself to the people that you're gonna meet at the table.

SPEAKER_01 44:51

Right. So when you're in a meeting like that, you know, instead of doing what I used to do, right, and sitting there. I mean, I'm talking, I always talk to people, but I would never talk my business. What should I have been doing? Like what when I go to these events, right? I mean, I don't look at the women around me as my potential clients. You know, the majority of them are doing kind of what I do. Okay, so similar stuff. Right. And and I mean they might not be doing exactly what I'm doing, but similar. And if they don't, if they don't do what I do, they know somebody who does. So when I sit with these women, what do I tell them? What do I like what do I need to know about myself to share with them so that I I mean, I guess I I need to be like a good collaboration prospect or something for them, right? I mean, that's because I still want to network with them, I still want to be connected with them, but what do I need to tell them? Who do I need to be?

How To Network Without Being Invisible

SPEAKER_02 45:53

To me, it's like understanding your business inside out. So a lot of us, we don't really understand our business. Oh, and and I sit across clients and ask questions and they can't answer me. So a lot of us for us, we struggle to understand our business really well. And even so, when I pivot to what I do now, visibility coaching, I think the first five months, I struggled with my messaging myself. So I wasn't even putting a lot of content on social media because I didn't know what to post because my messaging, I really struggled with it. I had a lot going on, and I'm like, who am I? Who am I? And then who am I as a brand, right? So that's basically not who am I, it's yes, the personal brand aspect of it, but who is the made it happen collective? Like, right. What are the pillars of it? What do I stand for? And I was struggling with that until I basically, I think it was by October, September that I basically figured that part out. And then now I'm like, exactly, I know what it is. It's a visibility platform, that's what it is. Um, where before I really struggled with that. So really understanding and being clear on who you are as a business or what your brand is is one component of it. And also knowing what things make you unique. So in the cases where there may be people similar to yours, or they already know so many people, um, I feel like we all have things that we do a certain way. Like what how I do social media or how I see visibility may be completely different than somebody else. That does something similar than my like same exactly same thing, but they may have different answers for you.

SPEAKER_01 47:34

Right. And and that's what it like, that's what coaching is all about, right? Like you just need to hear it a certain way for it to resonate with you. And I I get that part.

SPEAKER_02 47:43

So then that component also from a believe aspect of it. I believe that's why I always even tell my clients at least you need to connect with three different people to see who you resonate with. So if there is for me, like let's say three people that I need to get my website done, I will want to talk to those three people and see which one I really resonate with and which one do I want to work with.

SPEAKER_01 48:05

Right. That makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 48:07

Yeah, that totally makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 48:09

So tell me having multiple people, that's basically the way I approach it. Right. And then when you're doing these networking events, there's no reason why you can't have the three people.

SPEAKER_02 48:21

Correct. So for me, like there's no limits of who can be there because not everybody would resonate with everyone. Right. That's you also don't want to pressure somebody that they have to work with this person, right?

SPEAKER_01 48:33

Okay, that makes sense. That makes sense. What's one simple shift a business owner can make right now to become more visible?

SPEAKER_02 48:41

Oh, wow. That's uh that's like one shift. Hmm. Uh, we've talked a lot about mindset. I think mindset is big. I'm a big believer on that because based on my own personal experience, and then I also mentioned 80% of visibility marketing, it's it's mindset.

SPEAKER_01 49:00

Right. Okay. Yeah. Awesome. I love that. What would you say to our listeners right now to encourage them to start showing up a little bit more authentically, either in their business or just in life general?

SPEAKER_02 49:15

Okay. Well, what I would say is to just do it. Make that post that you've been sitting on, because I've been there, and just hit the post.

SPEAKER_01 49:26

Yeah, I love that. And that that's sometimes that's hard. But once you do it, you've done it and you can be celebrated and be proud of yourself. I love it. So you've been in your business 13 years. What's been the biggest lesson that you've learned about confidence and being unapologetically yourself?

SPEAKER_02 49:48

I have played small for a long time in my business.

SPEAKER_01 49:55

Wow. Yeah, and now you're like you're the queen, right? Like now you've taken that position. Well, I have kind of owning it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 50:05

It's it's about, I guess for me, playing playing small was I was doing so many great things. I had so many, and then I I sat with so many great ideas and didn't implement it because I was playing small. Because again, yes, confidence, fears, messaging, limiting beliefs, all of you know.

SPEAKER_01 50:22

Yeah. Yeah. So what was what was your like what was the lesson you learned in that?

SPEAKER_02 50:30

That you just do it. Like, like you said, like you didn't you didn't feel confident about you know that you know enough. I feel like sometimes we get so caught up in learning more. We just want to learn and learn. We get in that stage forever, right? We never want to come out of it. And in doing space, like that's basically where you want to get. Just put it, put yourself out there. Like what my coffee and collab and pivoting to um create a collective. It was just an idea that I came up with and I just put it out there.

SPEAKER_01 51:00

And and look at it grow now. I love that. Oh, Ardella, thank you so much for today. I love, I loved our conversation. You shared such powerful insights, is visibility, authenticity, and owning our own uniqueness. And I think that we all need to hear that, right? Even though we all probably know it, we need someone else to tell us sometimes just to make it feel right. And I think you did that today. Well, thank you so much for having me. Yeah, thank you so much. If there's one thing I hope listeners take away from today's conversation, it's this. Your difference is not something to hide, it's the very thing that makes you powerful. If today's episode resonated with you and you're ready to step more fully into your next chapter, I'd love to invite you to join the Bloom Room, my supportive community for women who are reconnecting with themselves, building confidence, and creating the life and business they truly desire. If you're looking for deeper support and personalized guidance, I also offer private coaching designed to help you release self-doubt, gain clarity, and step into the confident woman you're meant to be. You'll find the links in the show notes. If you enjoyed this episode, please take a moment to follow Rate and share the podcast with any other woman who's ready to bloom into her confidence. Until next time, remember, confidence doesn't come from being perfect. It comes from being unapologetically you.

SPEAKER_00 52:29

Thanks for listening. This show was brought to you by Divas That Care. Connect with us on Facebook, on Instagram, and of course on divas that care.com, where you can subscribe to our newsletter so you don't miss a thing.