Cocoa Pods
Podcast - Cocoa Pods Series: A feature of the Birth Center Foundation.
We discuss all things' women, all things' pregnancy, all things' after. Reasons why women fall very sick ( morbidity) or die (mortality) before pregnancy (adolescent girls and young adults),during pregnancy and after are discussed in this maternal morbidity and mortality reduction academy; especially with an emphasis on minority women, all over the world; and ways for all involved in care to work together collaboratively and mitigate and or eliminate risks in women’s health.
Cocoa Pods
The Silent Battle and the Hidden Pain
Discover the silent struggles and hidden pain behind the smile of someone trapped in the shadows of narcissistic abuse. As your guide, Dr. Bola Sogade, I shed light on the often-misunderstood journey of individuals entangled with narcissistic partners. We take an intimate look at the hallmarks of narcissism and the profound effects they have on relationships. You'll find a beacon of understanding as we discuss the manipulation tactics used by narcissists that can leave partners feeling isolated and unappreciated. I equip you with the tools necessary for coping with such a partner, emphasizing the value of trusting your instincts, setting firm boundaries, and embracing self-care. Our conversation is a testament to your strength and resilience, offering a path to prioritize your well-being and find the respectful, empathetic connection you deserve.
In the healing landscape of narcissistic abuse, you're not navigating the darkness alone. I introduce you to communities where solidarity and support are the cornerstones, like the Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Incorporation and the Narcissistic Abuse Support Group for Women. We discuss the transformative power of support groups, including the 'Life After the Narcissist' meetings, and the structured path to recovery offered by the MyNara app. You'll gain insight into the importance of these sanctuaries for those seeking solidarity in their healing journey. This episode isn't just a conversation; it's a lifeline for anyone ready to step out of the narcissistic shadow and into a future illuminated by self-empowerment and healing.
So, to start off, let's address the elephant in the room. What exactly is narcissism and how does it manifest in relationship? Well, narcissism is a personality trait characterized by a heightened sense of self-importance, a constant need for admiration and validation and a lack of empathy for others. While everyone may exhibit narcissistic tendencies from time to time, it becomes problematic when these traits are pervasive and significantly impact relationships. So if you've been feeling like something isn't quite right in your relationship but you can't quite put your finger on it, you are not alone. Many women find themselves questioning their sanity when faced with the manipulative and emotionally draining behaviors of a narcissistic partner. My name is Dr Bola Sogade and welcome to CocoaPods podcast. One of the most common signs of narcissism is gaslighting, a form of psychological manipulation where the narcissist denies I didn't do anything, you're the crazy one or distorts reality to make their partner doubt their own perceptions and sanity. Gaslighting can leave you feeling confused, isolated and doubting your own reality. So another red flag to watch out for is the narcissist's constant need for attention and validation. They may monopolize conversations, belittle your accomplishments you know, all you did was claim the house today. What are you complaining about? And dismiss your feelings in favor of their own. This can leave you feeling unseen, unheard and unappreciated in life and in the relationship. Additionally, narcissists often lack empathy for others and struggle to take responsibility for their actions. They may blame you for their mistakes, manipulate your emotions to get what they want and show little remorse for the pain they cause. This can create a toxic cycle of emotional abuse and manipulation that is difficult to break free from. So here's the important thing to remember, ladies you are not crazy and you are not alone. Recognizing the signs of narcissism is the first step towards reclaiming your power and creating a life free from manipulation and control. And remember you deserve to be loved, respected and valued for who you are. Don't let the toxic behavior of a narcissistic partner diminish your worth or control your happiness. So what should a woman in a relationship with a narcissistic partner do? What should she do? So, if a woman finds herself in a relationship with a narcissistic partner, it's crucial for her to prioritize her well-being and her safety.
Dr Bola Sogade:So, number one educate yourself narcissism and its characteristics to better understand the dynamics of the relationship. Recognizing the signs of narcissistic behavior can help validate your experiences and empower you to take action. Number two trust your instincts If something feels off in the relationship or if you're constantly feeling unhappy, anxious or drained. Trust your gut instincts. Your intuition can be a valuable guide in recognizing when something isn't right. Number three set boundaries. Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional and mental health. Communicate your needs and expectations assertively and be prepared to enforce consequences if your boundaries are violated. Number four seek support. Reach out to trusted friends, family members or a therapist for support and validation. Having a support system can provide emotional validation, perspective and practical assistance in navigating the challenges of a relationship with a narcissistic partner.
Dr Bola Sogade:Number five focus on self-care. Prioritize self-care activities that promote your physical, emotional and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, practice mindfulness and relaxation techniques, and prioritize activities that nurture your sense of self-worth and identity. Number six set realistic expectations. Understand that you cannot change or fix your partner's narcissistic behavior. Accepting this reality can help you let go of unrealistic expectations and focus on taking care of yourself.
Dr Bola Sogade:Number seven consider your options. Evaluate your options and consider whether staying in the relationship is healthy and sustainable for you in the long term. If the relationship is causing significant harm to your well-being and there are no signs of improvement despite your efforts, it may be necessary to consider ending the relationship, no matter how long it's been on. Number eight safety planning. If you decide to leave the relationship, prioritize your safety and well-being. Develop a safety plan, which may include securing a support network, seeking legal advice if necessary and accessing resources such as domestic violence, hotlines or shelters or law enforcement. Seek professional help. Consider seeking therapy or counseling, both individually and, potentially, as a couple. If your partner is willing to participate, a qualified therapist can provide guidance, support and strategies for coping with the challenges of a relationship with a narcissistic partner. Number 10, know when to walk away. Ultimately, if the relationship is consistently harmful, toxic or abusive, prioritize your own well-being and safety and consider ending the relationship. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness and empathy in a healthy relationship. So every situation is unique. There's no one-size-fits-all solution and it's important for you women out there in relationships with a narcissistic partner to prioritize your own well-being, safety and happiness and seek support as needed to navigate your journey towards healing and empowerment.
Dr Bola Sogade:So how do the women feel the partners of these narcissistic men? So partners of narcissists feel sad and let down when the person they first loved changes over time. They miss feeling cared for and understood and it's hard for them to speak up for themselves or set limits. This might remind them of tough times when they were younger and their feelings were not respected. As time goes on, they feel less confident and lose some of their independence. Some even give up things they care about to make their partner happy. Even though they remember the good times, they wish they felt more loved and valued in the relationship. Some can't live because of family, money or fear of being alone. They might still want to make the relationship work, especially if they have kids together, or feel pressured to stay, but deep down they might feel stuck and wish they had the courage to leave. I just feel unloved. One of our clients state again. So it's tough when you're married to someone with narcissistic traits, because you might often feel unloved. But guess what? That feeling isn't your fault.
Dr Bola Sogade:Studies show that people with narcissistic personality disorder NPD find it hard to love others. Your narcissistic spouse might struggle to show genuine care and support, and when they do show affection, it's often for their own benefit, not yours. So at the beginning of your relationship, your spouse might have made you feel incredibly loved and important, but as time went on, they might have started ignoring you or making you feel unimportant. Ignoring you or making you feel unimportant Narcissists have a way of making you feel both loved and unloved at the same time, which can be really confusing and draining. They want you to feel loved so that you'll adore them back, but they also want you to feel like you don't deserve love from anyone else. This mix up can make you rely on them emotionally, which makes it harder to leave. So if you ever bring up concerns about their behavior or think about leaving, they might try to win you back with promises, gifts or extra attention. They might also threaten to keep you from leaving. But here's the thing Love shouldn't come with strings attached. It shouldn't depend on you obeying them or ignoring your own needs. Real love is unconditional and guess what? You deserve that kind of love, just like anyone else.
Dr Bola Sogade:Navigating relationships with someone who acts narcissistically can be tough, okay, but there are ways to deal with it. So talk to someone. It can help to talk to a therapist by yourself this is called individual therapy, okay, and they can listen and give you advice on how to handle things together. Okay. The therapies can provide a safe space for partners of narcissists to explore their feelings, to gain insights into the dynamics of the relationship and develop coping strategies. So therapies can offer support, validation and guidance in setting boundaries, building self-esteem and addressing any trauma or emotional wounds stemming from the relationship. You can talk together. So if your partner is willing, you can try talking to a therapist together this is called couples therapy, okay and they can help you both to understand each other better and walk through problems. So in couples therapy there's counseling. If both partners are willing to participate, a skilled therapist can help facilitate communication, improve conflict resolution skills and address underlying issues contributing to the relationship dynamics underlying issues contributing to the relationship dynamics. I don't know how they can address what happened in his childhood that is making him behave like this, but couples therapy can also provide a platform for the narcissistic partner to gain awareness of their behavior and its impact on the relationship.
Dr Bola Sogade:Number three you can do family therapy. So family therapy is important in cases where the narcissistic behavior is affecting the entire family. So family therapy is needed then. Family therapy sessions can improve communication, strengthen family bonds If you pray, pray If you use your faith, use your faith, and it can address dysfunctional patterns of interaction. So family therapies can work with all family members to foster understanding, empathy and healthier relationship dynamics.
Dr Bola Sogade:Okay, another thing to do is learn about narcissism. Understanding what narcissism is can make it easier to deal with. You can read up on it or ask your therapist to explain it to you, you know. So it's called psychoeducation. Okay, you learn about narcissism, its characteristics, its effects on relationships. Partners of narcissists can benefit from understanding the underlying dynamics of the narcissistic behavior, which can empower them to set boundaries, manage expectations and prioritize their own well-being. And then you can also find support groups. Joining a support group or talking to others who are going through similar situations can make you feel less alone. It's nice to know that others understand what you're going through. So in the support group, people will share similar experiences. They provide validation, empathy and solidarity. Support groups offer a sense of community, a platform for sharing experiences and coping strategies, and emotional support from peers who understand the challenges of narcissistic relationships.
Dr Bola Sogade:Another thing to do is practice self-care. Okay, so take care of yourself. It's important to look after yourself both physically and emotionally. Make time for things you enjoy and try to stay positive. Engage in activities that promote relaxation, stress reduction and self-nurturing. Okay, this can help you cope with the emotional toll of the relationship and help you build inner strength okay, and then set boundaries. Setting boundaries means deciding what you are okay with and what you are not okay with. It's important to communicate these boundaries to your partner and stick to them okay. So partners can work with therapists to identify their boundaries, communicate them assertively and develop strategies for maintaining them in the face of manipulation or coercion from the narcissistic partner. But wait, how easy is it to set these boundaries and what are the problems that could arise? So setting boundaries with a narcissistic partner can be challenging due to the nature of their behavior and interactions. So some common pitfalls to be aware of.
Dr Bola Sogade:Is that number one, there can be resistance and pushback by the narcissistic partner, who might just outright refuse to accept the boundaries you set. They may see the boundaries as a threat to their control or authority, leading to arguments, manipulations or attempts to guilt trip you into relenting. They may invalidate your boundaries by gaslighting you, making you doubt your own feelings and perceptions. They may dismiss your boundaries as unreasonable or unnecessary, undermining your sense of self and confidence in your decisions. Narcissist partners may manipulate or test your boundaries to see how far they can push them. They may violate your boundaries intentionally or covertly, then downplay the significance of their actions or blame you for overreacting. In some cases, setting boundaries with a narcissistic partner can escalate the abuse or manipulation tactics they use. They may become more aggressive, controlling or vindictive in response to perceived threats to their power and control. Narcissistic partners may use guilt-tripping or emotional manipulation to make you feel responsible for their reactions to your boundaries. This can lead to feelings of guilt, self-doubt or a belief that you are somehow to blame for their problems in the relationship.
Dr Bola Sogade:Consistently, enforcing boundaries with a narcissistic partner can be challenging, especially if you are met with resistance or negative consequences. So note that it requires strength, determination and a willingness to prioritize your own well-being over maintaining the status quo over maintaining the status quo. It is important to seek support from trusted friends, family members or a therapist when setting boundaries with a narcissistic partner. They can offer guidance, validation and encouragement as you navigate the complexities of this relationship. To prioritize your own needs and well-being, it's important to recognize the potential pitfalls and challenges involved and to seek support and resources to help you effectively establish and maintain healthy boundaries in the relationship.
Dr Bola Sogade:And then plan for safety. If you feel unsafe or threatened, it's important to have a plan in place. This might mean having a safe place to go or knowing who to call for help. Okay, because narcissistic behavior can escalate to abuse or pose a threat to safety. Okay, so you can work with therapists, domestic violence advocates or legal professionals to create a safety plan that includes strategies for physical, emotional and financial safety. It's important to recognize that treatment approaches can vary depending on the specific circumstance of each relationship, and what works for one person may not work for another relationship and what works for one person may not work for another. Additionally, not all narcissistic partners may be willing to participate in therapy or change their behavior. In such cases, prioritizing personal safety and well-being may involve considering options. Okay, consider all your options.
Dr Bola Sogade:Okay, so there are other questions that have come up. Is a narcissistic person mentally ill? Well, narcissistic personality disorder is a mental health condition in which people have an unreasonably high sense of their own importance. They need and seek too much attention and want people to admire them. People with this disorder may lack the ability to understand or care about the feelings of others, and people have also asked that. Is living with a narcissist exhausting? Dealing with a narcissist's dysfunctional and sometimes abusive behavior can be exhausting, so maintaining healthy relationships with others who are caring and supportive is especially important when you have a relationship with a narcissist, whether they're a roommate, family member, a romantic partner or a co-worker.
Dr Bola Sogade:And so what are the support groups available out there? We have the Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Incorporation. So there's a Narcissist Abuse Support is a free online support group for spouses of narcissists. Some people have said that the group is full of caring individuals who support each other through the experience of narcissistic abuse. There's Life After the Narcissist, a support group that happens every other Tuesday from 7 to 8 pm. Group that happens every other Tuesday from 7 to 8 pm. There's MyNara M-Y-N-A-R-A. It's an app that has a 12-phase program for victims of narcissistic abuse okay. And there is the Narcissistic Abuse Support Group for Women. It's a safe and supportive space for women affected by narcissistic abuse. You can contact them at 408-688-7022 or nancy at onlinecounselingexpertcom. So, coming up in our next episode, you ask the question how did this person, how did this man, become narcissistic? And you ask what kind of person stays with a narcissist. So what is a no-contact rule? Female narcissist.
