Cocoa Pods
Podcast - Cocoa Pods Series: A feature of the Birth Center Foundation.
We discuss all things' women, all things' pregnancy, all things' after. Reasons why women fall very sick ( morbidity) or die (mortality) before pregnancy (adolescent girls and young adults),during pregnancy and after are discussed in this maternal morbidity and mortality reduction academy; especially with an emphasis on minority women, all over the world; and ways for all involved in care to work together collaboratively and mitigate and or eliminate risks in women’s health.
Cocoa Pods
The Art of Surviving Psychological Warfare and Emotional Neglect
Ever wondered why some individuals seem to thrive on admiration and struggle with empathy? Together with renowned psychologists and childhood development experts, I, Dr. Paula Segade, unravel the intricate origins of narcissistic behavior and how it weaves its way into the fabric of relationships. We're peeling back layers of childhood experiences, from the dizzying highs of excessive praise to the profound lows of emotional neglect, and revealing how these early influences can sculpt adults with an insatiable hunger for validation or an inflated sense of self-worth. As we navigate these formative waters, we also uncover the often-overlooked impact of mixed signals from caregivers, the mimicry of narcissistic traits in young observers, and the adoption of these characteristics as armor against trauma.
Strap in for a psychological expedition as we chart the treacherous course of the narcissistic abuse cycle, beginning with the honeymoon phase of admiration and descending into the turbulent seas of manipulation and emotional turmoil. You'll gain strategic insights into the psychological warfare employed by narcissists, such as the disorienting fog of gaslighting. The conversation doesn't end there; our panel of experts shine a light on the path to recovery and support for those caught in the crossfire of narcissistic relationships. We dissect the varying levels of self-awareness in narcissists—from the cunningly manipulative to those blinded by their own victimhood—and offer beacons of hope with resources designed to guide survivors toward calmer shores.
So you ask the question how did this person, how did this man become narcissistic? Okay, so narcissistic traits in adulthood can sometimes stem from experiences during childhood. So something happened to them when they were a child. So, number one it might be due to parental influence. It might be due to parental influence. If parents constantly praise a child or make them feel like they are better than others, like they are smarter than others, the child might grow up thinking they are entitled and better than everyone else. So parents who are excessively critical, demanding or overly indulgent may inadvertently contribute to the development of narcissistic traits in their children. For example, children who are constantly praised and told they are special or superior may internalize a sense of entitlement and grandiosity. Number two is neglect or abuse. Children who are ignored, emotionally hurt because somebody did something to them when they were young or not shown love by their parents or siblings, might develop narcissistic traits as a way to protect themselves from feeling bad about themselves. So you know, growing up in an environment where emotional needs are not met or where there's a lack of empathy and validation can contribute to the development of narcissistic patterns of relating to others. So the children who experience neglect, emotional abuse or inconsistent parenting might develop narcissistic traits as a coping mechanism to protect themselves from feelings of inadequacy or abandonment. Welcome to CocoaPods Podcast. So welcome to this podcast series in which we unveil narcissism, we explore the dynamics of relationships and uncover the truth behind confusing and harmful behaviors. My name is Dr Paula Segade and welcome to CocoaPods podcast. How did this person, how did this man, become narcissistic? Okay, so narcissistic traits in adulthood can sometimes stem from experiences during childhood. Number three mixed messages. Sometimes parents might give mixed messages by praising a child one moment and putting them down the next. This can make the child confused about their worth and lead them to seek validation from others. So, for example, a child who is constantly praised for their achievements but criticized or rejected when they fail to meet expectations, may develop a fragile sense of self-esteem and excessive need for validation from others. And so? Number four copying behavior. Children often learn by watching adults around them. If they see adults behaving in a narcissistic way and getting what they want, they might start acting the same way to get what they want. So this is called modeling behavior. Children can model their behavior after significant adults in their lives, such as their parents or authority figures, if they observe narcissistic behavior being rewarded or normalized. They may internalize these patterns of relating to others and incorporate them into their own personality.
Dr Sogade:And number five traumatic experiences. If a child goes through something really bad, you know growing up like being hurt. They may develop narcissistic traits as a way to feel powerful and in control. So the traumatic experiences could be a loss, abandonment of physical or emotional abuse during childhood, and this can disrupt their healthy psychological development and contribute to the development of maladaptive coping mechanisms such as narcissistic defenses. Maladaptive coping mechanism such as narcissistic defenses. Individuals who experience trauma may adopt this narcissistic trait as a way to protect themselves from further harm and assert control over their environment. So there's a narcissistic abuse cycle.
Dr Sogade:Narcissistic abuse can be tricky to spot, especially in romantic relationships, but there's a pattern to this kind of abuse that often plays out in three stages. So early on, in the early stages, things might seem perfect like a fairy tale. The narcissistic person showers their partners with compliments, gifts and big plans for the future. In return, the partner feels deeply in love and admired by their abuser. This feeds into the narcissist's need for control and adoration. Then comes the middle stage, when the abuse starts to show. It can be subtle, like belittling comments or dismissive behavior that chips away at the partner's self-esteem. Finally, there's the last stage, when the abuse reaches its peak. The narcissist may withdraw completely, cheat, spread lies or even gaslight their partner. This leaves the partner feeling confused, hurt and isolated. So narcissistic abuse isn't just limited to romantic relationships. It can happen in families, friendships and even workplaces. The pattern is similar Admiration, devaluation and then rejection.
Dr Sogade:Finding support is crucial for survivors of narcissistic abuse. Emotional abuse can have serious effects on mental health. It can lead to anxiety, depression and stress. So it's important for victims of narcissistic abuse to realize that the abuse was never their fault and to seek help from both online resources and supportive friends and family. By sharing their experiences and finding solidarity with others who have been through similar situations, these women can begin to heal and realize that they're not alone. So what is a no-contact rule, female narcissist? Well, you should only go no contact when you are ready and able to cut off the narcissist permanently. However, the no contact rule will not prompt them to regret or change their hurtful behavior. Going no contact helps recover your mental health and well-being, not enact revenge.
Dr Sogade:And who is a good partner for a narcissist? Well, narcissists are drawn to strong people. They are drawn to those who can boost their own self-esteem and validate their sense of self-importance. Being associated with someone who is successful or admired can make the narcissist feel more important by proxy. And you ask, what kind of person stays with a narcissist? Relationships that survive will rely on the partner having good self-esteem, strong boundaries, resources that are valued by the narcissist, patience and even tempered personality and a reason to stay.
Dr Sogade:And we talked about gaslighting a lot. What is gaslighting a partner? So gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which one person, often a partner, often the male partner in a relationship seeks to distort or manipulate the perception or reality of the other person. The term gaslighting originated from the 1938 play Gaslight, quote unquote, and its subsequent film adaptations, in which a husband manipulates his wife into questioning her sanity by making subtle changes to their environment and then denying that those changes ever occurred. So in the context of a relationship, gaslighting typically involves the following tactics.
Dr Sogade:Number one denial and invalidating. So the gaslighter denies the other person's experiences, feelings or perceptions, making them doubt their own reality. For example, if the victim expresses concern about a behavior, the gaslighter might dismiss it as irrational and overreacting. He may say I'm normal and you're the crazy one. Number two minimization. Gaslighters may downplay the significance of the other person's emotions or experiences, making them feel like their concerns are unimportant or unwarranted. They might say things like you are just too sensitive, or is not that big of a deal, or I'm perfectly normal and you are the one with the problem. Number three projection. Gaslighters may project their own negative qualities or behaviors onto the other person, deflecting blame and making them feel guilty or ashamed. For example, if the gaslighter is lying or cheating, they might accuse their partner of being untrustworthy. Number four selective amnesia. So gaslighters might selectively forget or distort past events or conversations, making it difficult for the other person to trust their own memory or judgment. They may say things like I never said that or you must have imagined that, ladies, you are not crazy, okay. Number five isolation. Gas lighters may isolate their partner from friends, family or other sources of support, making them more dependent on the gas lighter and less likely to challenge their manipulative behavior. So overall, gas lighting is a form of emotional abuse that undermines the victim's sense of self-worth, confidence and sanity. It can have serious long-term effects on mental health and well-being, making it important to recognize that this is going on and address gaslighting behavior in relationships.
Dr Sogade:So we looked at some research that looked into the how and why of narcissistic behavior. So let's break down one of these studies. So imagine someone who thinks very highly of themselves and always wants to be seen as important and admired by others, wants to be seen as important and admired by others. This person might have what psychologists call grandiose narcissism. They are the ones who always want to be the center of attention and want everyone to know how great they are. So now psychologists have come up with a model to explain how these narcissistic people behave. It's like a roadmap that shows how they interact with the world around them to maintain their sense of importance or status. So here's how it works.
Dr Sogade:Number one choosing situations. So first, narcissistic people pick situations where they think they can look good and gain status. They are drawn to places or events where they think they can shine and show off. Number two paying attention. Once they're in these situations, they are constantly on the lookout for signs of status, both for themselves and for others. They're hyper aware of who's important and who's not, and they use this information to decide how to act.
Dr Sogade:Number three boosting themselves, putting others down. So, depending on what they see, narcissistic people will either promote themselves even more by bragging or showing off, or put others down by making them look bad, belittling them or chastising them for making them look quote-unquote bad in public. They do this to make themselves look even better in comparison. Number four consequences. Each time they act this way, it affects how others see them. If they're always promoting themselves, people might see them as confident and successful, but if they're constantly putting others down, people might see them as arrogant or mean.
Dr Sogade:Number five repeating the cycle. So over time, these behaviors become a pattern for narcissistic people. They keep seeking out situations where they can boost their status, paying attention to how they and others are perceived and then acting accordingly. It becomes a cycle that feeds into itself and keeps their sense of self-importance. So, in simple terms, this model published in the National Library of Medicine in the year 2020 in prospective psychology by Statis Graspas and his colleagues, in which they talked about the how and why of narcissism. This model explains how narcissistic people behave in order to keep feeling important and admired by others. It's like a playbook they follow to maintain their status in the social world, and understanding this model can help psychologists learn more about how personality traits develop and shape our interactions with others.
Dr Sogade:And then we ask the question are narcissists conscious of their behavior? Well, whether narcissists are consciously aware of their behavior can vary from individual to individual and depends on the level of self-awareness and insight they possess. So some are conscious. Some narcissists are fully aware of their behavior and its impact on their partner, and they may deliberately manipulate situations to enhance their own status, and they may use tactics such as gaslighting and other forms of emotional manipulation knowingly to maintain control over others. Some claim they are partially conscious. They may have some awareness of their behavior, but not fully recognize its negative effects on their partners. They may justify their actions to themselves or minimize the harm they cause, often blaming others for any problems that arise in relationships, and some are unconscious.
Dr Sogade:There are some narcissists out there who lack self-awareness and may genuinely behave that their behavior is appropriate or justified. They may not realize the extent of their manipulation or the impact it has on others, instead viewing themselves as victims or deserving of special treatment. So the level of insight can vary. So, even among narcissists who are conscious of their behavior, the degree of insight into their motives and the underlying reasons for their actions can vary. Some may have a deep understanding of their own psychological makeup, of the harm that has happened to them in the past, and actively choose to exploit others for personal gain, while others may act impulsively, without fully understanding why they behave the way they do. So, while some narcissists may be conscious of their behavior and its effects, others may lack or claim they lack insight or deny responsibility for their actions. So, overall, while some narcissists may be conscious of their behavior and its effects, others may lack insight or deny responsibility for their actions. So, regardless of their level of awareness, narcissistic behavior can have detrimental effects on relationships and the well-being of those involved.
Dr Sogade:Vault. So, but how do you find a narcissistic abuse support group? Are there support groups for spouses of narcissistic abuse? You want to reach out to your local mental health organizations, your community centers, your places of faith counseling centers? There's a Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Advocates NARA. There's Out of the Fog, and there's Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Incorporated NAS N A S.
