Cocoa Pods
Podcast - Cocoa Pods Series: A feature of the Birth Center Foundation.
We discuss all things' women, all things' pregnancy, all things' after. Reasons why women fall very sick ( morbidity) or die (mortality) before pregnancy (adolescent girls and young adults),during pregnancy and after are discussed in this maternal morbidity and mortality reduction academy; especially with an emphasis on minority women, all over the world; and ways for all involved in care to work together collaboratively and mitigate and or eliminate risks in women’s health.
Cocoa Pods
Prenatal Stress and the Imprint on Adult Egos
Have you ever wondered if the seeds of our adult personality traits are sown before we even take our first breath? Join me, Dr. Bola Sogade, on a deep exploration of narcissism, starting from the womb's whispers to the loud complexities of adulthood. We journey through the compelling research of RA Waterland and KB Michels and digest the profound psychoanalytic insights of Lynda Share , to understand how prenatal stress may etch lasting marks on our psychological makeup. Through Sarah's poignant tale of her husband David, we glimpse the emotional cost of high expectations and distant parenting, and its potential role in crafting a narcissist's armor.
As we navigate the entangled web of narcissism and childhood trauma, we uncover the long-reaching shadows cast by overly critical parents—shadows that can mold a child into an adulthood fraught with an insatiable hunger for control, power, and admiration. I discuss the intricate dance of coping mechanisms—from compliance to rebellion—and the subsequent chase for validation that defines a narcissist's existence. We dissect their fury when faced with unmet expectations and the struggle with accountability that often lies at the heart of their interpersonal conflicts. Together, we'll unpack these layers, setting the stage for the next episode's dive into the narcissist's sense of self and the God complex, promising a continued unraveling of this intricate psychological tapestry.
As we continue to unravel narcissism, we explore the intricacies of narcissistic behavior and its roots in not only childhood experiences, as we've talked about, but in utero experiences, that is, while you were in your mother's womb before you were born. And I bet some male narcissists may like to hear this that there. It's not my fault, after all. Welcome to CocoaPods podcast. My name is Dr Bola Sogade and I'm a women's health specialist. We continue our series from last week. How did this person become like this? How did this person become like this? That is, like a narcissist. We know that what happens to a baby in the womb can have a big effect on their health and well-being later in life. That is, there are fetal origins of adult psychological health and disease, and these are well-established facts. A fetus's in utero experiences can foreshadow their gestational age when they are born, their birth outcome and their behavior as a neonate, infant, toddler, or even how they behave as they grow up to be an adult. So it's important to think about what happens to a baby before they are born and their experiences and exposures then and also just after they are born, when we look at women's mental health at different stages of their lives. So there's a developmental origins theory studied by RA Waterland and KB Michels that states that adverse conditions during pregnancy development contribute to adult disease risk. And psychoanalyst suggests that the trauma can never be separated from the person, of the mother, because the trauma is the mother. And since the fetus infant's very life depends upon his mother, the infant truly has no way out. So the only thing left for the fetus or infant to do is to compromise an aspect of his own self, his own mind, in order to continue to exist in such unbearable circumstances. And we quote Frederick Douglass, who wisely noted it is easier to build strong children than to fix broken men, broken men. So we also look at what researchers Bastian Hagemans and his colleagues they showed research that were the first to contribute to the information, to the theory that early life environmental conditions can cause epigenetic changes in humans that persist throughout life. So epigenetic changes are like switches that can turn our genes on and off without changing the actual genetic code. They are influenced by things like our environment, lifestyle and experiences and they can affect how our bodies work and our overall health.
Dr Bola Sogade:So it's really important to understand how stress during pregnancy, especially in difficult relationships with narcissistic partners, can affect the baby's development. While stress itself may not directly cause birth defects, it can lead to health problems for the mom that might indirectly affect the baby's growth. Pregnant women dealing with high levels of stress, particularly from narcissistic partners, might be more likely to have issues like high blood pressure and diabetes during pregnancy or going into labor too early. These health problems for the mom can increase the chances of the baby being born too small or too early. Studies show that stress during pregnancy can affect the baby's development by triggering the mom's stress response system. This can release hormones like cortisol, which pass through the placenta and affect the baby's growth and stress response system. This can release hormones like cortisol, which pass through the placenta and affect the baby's growth and stress response. So, although there isn't a lot of direct evidence linking stress from narcissistic relationships to birth defects, it's crucial for pregnant women to take care of their mental health. Chronic stress during pregnancy can cause changes in both the mom's and the baby's bodies that might have long-term effects on the child's health and well-being. So that's why it's so important for pregnant women in difficult relationships, including narcissistic relationships, to focus on their emotional well-being, get help from doctors and consider therapy or counseling to manage the stress. By addressing stress during pregnancy and creating a supportive environment, we can protect both moms and the baby's health and increase the chances of a healthy outcome for both.
Dr Bola Sogade:Studies show that stress during pregnancy can affect the baby's development by triggering the mom's stress response system. Research has also shown that elevated stress hormone cortisol levels in pregnant women is associated with early miscarriages. Stress trauma releases stress hormones, and the three major stress hormones are adrenaline, cortisol and norepinephrine. So cortisol, one of the main stress hormones, can affect the child's brain development, their hormonal system, their immune system, their physical development and even can cause epigenetic changes that is, on how the person's DNA is read. Furthermore, how the person's DNA is read. Furthermore, prenatal stress trauma in the mom can affect the unborn child's development in the womb. For a pregnant woman and her fetus, high stress levels pose special risks. We've had stories in which pregnant women living with a violent, narcissistic, psychopathic partner throughout the pregnancy and when the baby was born. The baby had a condition of hypospadias, which is a congenital malformation of the baby's genital organs. And this condition, which results from an incomplete fusion of the urethral folds between the 8th and the 14th weeks of pregnancy, can be caused by the stress hormones released in the mother as a response to the stress levels that she's under.
Dr Bola Sogade:Today, we're fortunate to share a personal story shared by one woman with us about her husband's journey through narcissism, shedding light on the impact of early upbringing on adult behavior. And so, ladies, you might want to share this podcast with your husband. Of course, the names have been changed here, but Sarah courageously shares her husband David's childhood story and his profound influence on his journey toward narcissism. On his journey toward narcissism, sarah, being married to David for almost three decades, shared David's childhood, painting a picture for our listeners of what it was like for him growing up. From her knowing him for so long, this is her recollection. She said David grew up in a household where success was everything. His parents were successful in their careers, his dad in his blue-collar job and his mom in her buying and selling business, but they were emotionally distant, somehow leaving him to be raised practically by his older siblings and other family members. David felt a constant pressure to meet their high expectations, which must have been incredibly challenging.
Dr Bola Sogade:Sarah states she's positive that this upbringing shaped David's behavior as he entered adulthood. She feels David tries to equate his self-worth with external accomplishment. He became hyper-focused on his image and reputation, constantly seeking validation from others to fill the void left by his parents' knowingly or unknowingly emotional neglect. As he grew older, his relationships became superficial and transactional, lacking the depth and intimacy he craved. Sarah states it's heartbreaking to hear how it appears like his childhood wounds are now manifesting in adulthood, she states. David states he really does not see any issue here and she thinks he has not been coping well and their marriage has been a journey. Sarah wants David to at least walk through his past traumas in therapy and through self-reflection. Insecurities and vulnerabilities can help him break free from the cycle of narcissism to cultivate healthier and a more fulfilling relationship in their marriage. So we first of all want to thank Sarah for sharing this incredible and inspiring insight with us and to our listeners out there. Share this podcast with your husbands, boyfriends and significant others. Every relationship needs to learn to explore the complexities of narcissistic behavior and the path to healing, if it's possible and if both parties are willing. So what shapes who we become as adults? How can this make a person a narcissist?
Dr Bola Sogade:In her work, anodia Judith talks about seven important rights that everyone should have from the start of their life Music. These rights are like the building blocks of who we are, of our identity, and play a crucial role in shaping our interactions with the world. Let's look at them one by one and then we'll see how they relate to narcissism. Number one is the right to exist. So, first off, everyone should feel like they belong in the world. This means knowing that you have a place here and that you matter. As a parent, one of the most valuable things you can provide for a child is a sense of stability, that is, grounding and acknowledgement. By receiving these gifts, the child develops feelings of security, attentiveness and becomes a confident and engaged individual.
Dr Bola Sogade:Number two is the right to feel. Feeling emotions, whether good or bad, is normal and okay. It's important to let yourself feel whatever you are feeling, and everyone should be able to express how they feel. Number three the right to do things. You should be able to make choices they feel. Number three the right to do things. You should be able to make choices and do things on your own. It's about having the freedom to be yourself and make your own decisions, to make your own choices and do things on your own, without feeling controlled by others. Number four is the right to love and be loved. Everyone deserves to love and be loved in return. It's about having people who care about you and who you care about. Number five and number six the right to speak and hear the truth. Being able to talk openly and listen to what others have to say is important. It's about being honest with yourself and with others. This right is important for understanding ourselves and the world around us. And number seven is the right to see. Seeing things clearly and understanding what's going on around you is crucial. It's about being aware of yourself and the world. Understanding what's going on and seeing things clearly helps us navigate life and make sense of our experiences.
Dr Bola Sogade:So what happens when these rights are denied? So now we talk about denied rights and narcissism. Unfortunately, some people don't get these rights when they're growing up. This can lead to problems later on, like for sure. Narcissism when we are kids I experienced this shape. Who will become as adults? If we don't get these rights when we are young, it can affect how we see ourselves and others. Healing starts first of all with understanding. So understanding these rights is the first step to feeling better. By knowing what we deserve, we can start to heal and become happier with ourselves. So when we talk about narcissism, it's important to think about these basic rights. When people don't get them, it can lead to problems in how they see themselves and relate to others. But by recognizing this right we can start to make things better for ourselves and those around us.
Dr Bola Sogade:So consider a child growing up in an environment where these basic rights their basic rights are consistently overlooked and violated. Picture a scenario where they don't feel acknowledged or valued, their emotions brushed aside or belittled. In such an upbringing, the child may not learn to express themselves freely or understand their own feelings. Instead, they might suppress emotions, leading to a disconnect from themselves and others as they grow older. Now imagine this child not being allowed to make choices or act independently, constantly feeling powerless or relying on others for validation as they mature. This lack of autonomy could fuel a desperate need for control and approval. Moreover, if love and affection are sparse or inconsistent, the child might internalize feelings of unworthiness, forever chasing external validation to fill an emotional void and, to this, the stifling of their voice, where speaking their truth is discouraged or silenced. This could result in difficulties asserting themselves and setting boundaries in adult relationships. Lastly, consider a child deprived of opportunities to understand the world around them. Lacking the insights needed for personal growth, this limited perspective might contribute to a distorted self-image and an inflated sense of importance later in life, the hallmarks of narcissism. So, in essence, childhood experiences devoid of essential rights can sow the seeds of narcissism in adulthood.
Dr Bola Sogade:Recognizing these patterns and addressing underlying traumas or unmet needs are crucial towards healing, and so narcissists often act the way they do because of tough childhood experiences. They might have had a parent who was too critical or mean. This made them feel scared and weak to cope. They might have learned to either do what they were told, rebel, withdraw or manipulate others in sneaky ways. These habits stick with them into adulthood, making it hard for them to be responsible or effective. To feel better about themselves, they crave power, control and praise from others, especially from people they can easily control. When things don't go their way, they can get really angry. So in our next episode we talk about the narcissist sense of self and talk about things like the God complex. Thank you for joining us on CocoaPods podcast.
