Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken And Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast , but before I get there , i wanted to take a moment just to invite our audience out to a live conference . And so every year in October , the second week in October , we have a special conference that we call a live conference , and this is what we say that these three days could change the next 30 years of your life . Our goal is to try to give people at least four times the amount that they invested in a ticket . We're gonna have seven main sessions this year , six master classes , three after parties , but one encounter with God .
Speaker 1And I believe that one encounter with God is what it's all about .
Speaker 2It's so good , ac 23 . You know there are certain things that we do every year , like as believers , like I fast , i do like major fast a couple of times a year . You know , sometimes there's certain books of the Bible I'll study . You know there's a word of the year . But then something else that we do every year and that is a conference . Ac 23 is that conference . It's that encounter , like you're saying , where you just like Wednesday , thursday , friday , all day , every day , you are like enveloped in the presence of God , just daring to go beyond your own personal boundaries . It is amazing .
Speaker 1And we're gonna be doing a special session on marriage . there It's gonna be Ken and Tabitha . I think we're calling it unfiltered .
Speaker 2And so you wanna come . Really , what is that ?
Speaker 1like You gotta come , we're already unfiltered If you're interested with getting more information about our conference , check out the website mylifeturchorg , and you can also check it out in the show notes . I think there's a link to that as well . You gotta get your tickets now , cause it is gonna be a sold out event . Hello everybody .
Speaker 2Hey everyone .
Speaker 1We are here for another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're here . Before we came on air , we were having a great conversation about how beautiful my wife looks today , and she has brought her curly hair back up .
Speaker 2Yes , the curls are out .
Speaker 1How do you feel about that ?
Speaker 2I feel good .
Speaker 1Yeah , why do you feel good ?
Speaker 2I don't know . I like my curls . I like my curly hair .
Speaker 1Sometimes you don't think deeper is . I'm trying to lead you into a deep conversation . You lost all your hair through a cancer battle And you feel good now because your hair is finally longer .
Speaker 2I'm over that .
Speaker 1For it to be curly again after all these years . She loves curly hair and it just hasn't been long enough for it to be curly And it is back .
Speaker 2Well , it's been long enough to be curly . I just like my hair longer . I've had long hair my entire life And so , honestly , it's just still an adjustment for me to have short hair . So if I leave my hair curly , it like curls up , like really short , but if I flat iron it and make it straight , i get a little length with it And then , i don't know , it's just like .
Speaker 1She's hilarious . It feels longer From not enough information to too much .
Speaker 2There you go .
Speaker 1Well , welcome everybody to our show . Today We're gonna do another bonus episode because I know you guys love this called Ask Ken and Tabitha , and so some of your questions have been submitted And if you have questions , please email them right now . Questions about anything Life , bible , death , spiritual things , prophecy , marriage , relationship , finance , whatever . We'll try our best to get to your questions And we love to answer people questions because this is just real life stuff where people are , and so this whole episode today is dedicated to that Simply us answering the questions that have come in . All right , are you ready for this ?
Speaker 1Let's go Drum roll . There it is , let's go . All right , we are trying to get out of debt And I wanna keep tithing and trusting God , but my spouse does not . What should I do ?
Speaker 2Yikes , i don't know . I don't know what I would do . I think you have to . I would probably , if you didn't want to , wouldn't do it , but I don't know . I can't answer that question .
Speaker 1I'm gonna let you read the questions . I'm gonna turn these questions around , okay . We're right here , i'm gonna let you read the question . Okay , go ahead . Let's start off with this question again . Okay , lord , have mercy .
Speaker 2We are trying to get out of debt .
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 2I want to keep tithing and trust God .
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 2But my spouse does not . What should I do ?
Speaker 1Get a new spouse . No , i'm just playing . I think you just have to have a conversation . So if that person is not saved , you're not gonna get an unsaved person to live saved . So what the Bible says is don't be unequally yoked to gather with unbelievers . So the hope is is if you're not married , wait on somebody who's saved to get married .
Speaker 1If you're already married to somebody who's not saved , all you can do is have a conversation and ask them for permission . I'm a Christian and I would like to give 10% to God , based upon what his word says . That person might come back and say no , and then you can ask the question can we get an agreement that I can do it off the side of money that I make or the income that I come in ? Most of the time you're not married to a buffoon and they will say well , you can do whatever you want to do with your money , which I don't really believe , like in his money , her money . But in this context , right , it's not a perfect context , because you're already married to somebody who's not saved . And so now , if that person is saved , though , they believe in Jesus but they don't believe in church . They believe in Jesus but they don't believe in tithing , they believe in Jesus . You know you are married to a baby Christian , a carnal Christian or somebody who's just straight up fleshy .
Speaker 1And the question is how can you win them just like anybody else ? How can you help them mature ? So the hope is to help them get into the word and , as they mature , get them to submit all of their life , including their finances , to God . But you might have a similar question Okay , sweetheart , this is what I believe the word says . Well , i don't wanna do that so far . Okay , is it okay if I do it off the portion that I make ? And if they say , no , i'm not in agreement with that , well then , ooh , i don't know your next step . Then , if they say they're not in agreement with you tithing off of the money that you bring in , i don't know if I would do it anyway , because I'm looking for agreement . But then again , i don't know if I would not , because I wanna obey God . What you got to say about it .
Speaker 2I kind of feel the same way you do . Personally , i put myself in that situation . I would probably even if he said no , give whatever I could give and really put my faith out there like Lord . I am believing God for my husband to be able to be obedient to every aspect of your word . That's just me personally 30% of the time .
Speaker 1You're not married to a complete idiot , you're not married to a bozo , and the person will probably say , oh yeah , well , whatever you wanna do , you go ahead and do that with your convictions . If you're married to a bozo and they're like no , i don't believe in this organized religion . The people just want your money , so forth , so on . First of all , i'll be like Bubba publics want your money . The grocery store wants your money . Every university wants your money . Yes , they receive the money at the church to do a lot of good , but I mean , you're married to a bozo at that point .
Speaker 1And first , peter says that by your lifestyle you can win your spouse . So I'd have to go there And I think that each zone God would give you wisdom of what to do to help win them . So if you giving to that way will actually push them further , the way the grace of God now kicks in , i believe in doing whatever God says to do , but it has to be applied in great wisdom . So we're answering the question but not answering it . I know You know great wisdom because yeah .
Speaker 1Every situation is different .
Speaker 2Okay , all right , we're gonna let you go to the next one . Let's do another question . We're trying to get pregnant and we have been trying for a long time , but it is not happening . Do you have any advice ?
Speaker 1Okay , I see what the challenge was . It's harder to hear the question and respond than to read it and respond . So , okay , note this out . All right , read the question one more time .
Speaker 2Okay , we are trying to get pregnant and we've been trying for a long time , but it's not happening . Do you have any advice ?
Speaker 1Well , faith without works is dead . So you have to do everything you can do in the natural . So you need to go to doctors , you need to get checked out . They need to find out okay , is there a problem with your husband or is there a problem with you when it comes to conceiving ? If you find a problem , see if there's anything naturally that they can do to help . I'm talking about whatever is out there that can help you conceive . Check it out .
Speaker 1Now we have a lot of couples that are going through different things and conceiving by like , almost like a miracle . Now , if you go and it's like , okay , they don't find anything , or maybe they find something but what they give you is not working , then you switch it over to where it is just a thing of trusting God . And the Bible gives us a promise . It says that the fruit of the womb is his reward . Matter of fact , the Genesis command is to be fruitful and multiply . So it's something that God , that is a promise of God , and we understand there is a fight for every promise of God , just like the promise of healing , just like the promise of a relative being saved , and so I can't be like I can't make it happen in my time and in my way , but I think we can posture ourselves to believe what God has said . That's just what jumps out to me .
Speaker 2Yeah , definitely . I would apply it anytime there's something that I'm believing God for . I research , i search the scriptures , i look up everything that the Bible says about the particular topic . So , for example , when I was fighting cancer , i looked up everything on healing and all of the promises of God on healing and I meditated on it day and night . I listened to messages about healing , i did prayers and quoted scriptures and everything .
Speaker 1And I think that's the book that we always recommend when they're having they've had miscarriages or they're having a problem conceiving is a book by Jackie Mines Google supernaturally childbirth , jackie Mines And just as a book that take the meat , leave the bones , because there was some things that we tried to do from the book and it didn't work out exactly the way we wanted it to for us . But I've given this book to many people and many people I'm talking about , many people have gotten significant breakthroughs because the Bible , this book , just build your faith for God to be God in the situation .
Speaker 2And I would definitely say in that book take the meat and leave the bones , because some people they hear the word of faith and things don't work out the way they should And then it's a bad thing . So I don't know . I think you could say that about any book , but it's testimony the testimonies are true .
Speaker 1I don't wanna give too much disclaimer on that , though I've seen the reason that we're giving a lot of disclaimers cause you had an experience . So Tabitha was believing God to have a supernatural childbirth That is the name of the book , and there was testimonies in the book about women who would go through pregnancy and have an easy pregnancy and go through delivery and need no medication , no epidural , and just pop out , pops the baby and believe God . Well , she says . Well , god's done it for them . I'm gonna believe for the same . She went into pregnancy . I mean , she had so much pain , she throwing up green stuff through labor . We had a 24 hour labor and now when I talk about the book , there's a little level of like , well , take the meat , leave the bones .
Speaker 2But I've given this same book to women around the nation and they have walked through supernatural childbirth with no pain and it probably makes you feel like You're right , And you're right Because there are people like I know , people who have had they had no pain And I'm like , are you serious ?
What is going , are you ?
Speaker 1saying I've had people have multiple miscarriages and I give them the book and then they have baby after baby , like three or four babies .
Speaker 2Because it just it says the word .
Speaker 1It does .
Speaker 2It just . and so why don't I say that , Yeah , Why don't I say that ?
Speaker 1That's what happens to believers . We have an experience that goes against what we were believing from and that experience sometimes marks us more than the principles of the word , and I understand , because then there's a hesitancy . I say , okay , yeah , do that . But look at this , and I believe that through those experiences we grow wise , but we can't grow into doubt and unbelief . So you're right to give a disclaimer , but don't give too much of a one .
Speaker 2Yeah , yeah , absolutely , absolutely , let's move on from that .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 1Anyway but anyway , but , but that person let me make sure we answered it because it says do you have any advice ? Don't give up . Yeah , that would be my advice Don't give up , Don't get down , no matter how long it takes . I'm telling we've seen people wait 10 years and then have a baby . I've seen what the doctor has said was impossible . There's a pastor and he would tell you testimony Ben Pierce , down at Jupiter in Florida , has a church there And I gave them this book . Jackie Moseley Couldn't have a baby for a long time . That has two , i believe , and I've seen it . I can give you name after name . I'm telling you there's a guy in a hotel that we go to in Jacksonville was having the same thing . I gave him this book . He wasn't even in church . He was my bell man And I said you got to get this book . Next time I went back to the hotel they had a baby . It was it's crazy , but I wouldn't give up .
Speaker 2It's what worked for us , because we went out . you know I was on birth control , you know we did , you know all of those things . And then we said , okay , let's stop the birth control , let's start to have a baby . And we tried to have it one month . We didn't have a baby . Try to have another month . We didn't have a baby . And we said , oh snap , what's going on ? Why are we not ?
Speaker 1And I came across this book .
Speaker 2It was actually me , yeah , and you found the book .
Speaker 1And one day I was like this book is so great and gave it to you . And you are , let's go . And then God smacked in the face But we have three healthy , beautiful children .
Speaker 2Absolutely , and so the principles did work for us .
Speaker 1The principles did work , just not to the place , but I would also tell that person listen , god is the God of adoption too , absolutely , and sometimes , when we have tried and tried , or even maybe that's not the case , don't feel like adoption is not a possibility . There are so many babies and young kids and even teenagers out there that don't have a home , that actually would love to be a part of your family Absolutely , and I think that sometimes we should even maybe consider that as well . Not that that's against what you're believing for , but consider What's the next question .
Speaker 2All right , All right . Ooh , love your podcast , exclamation point . My question is how can I revive my marriage and sex life after infidelity ? We have prayed , sought out marriage counseling , we have talked about it , et cetera , But I still am finding myself holding back sexually and not being as vulnerable and open .
Speaker 1Now that question seems like it's from a woman , So hopefully you can kind of . The thing that jumps out to me of that question is that trust has been broken , And so the reason that it's hard for this person to be open again and vulnerable again is because trust has been violated . And so for me there's one thing to forgive , and I can forgive you , but that don't mean I trust you . Forgiving is like I release you from owing me anything You don't owe me no more apologies .
Speaker 1You don't have to buy me a car . I forgive you . You're off the hook , but that doesn't mean that I want to be vulnerable and like open again . But in the marriage context , i think it's going to be so important because you decided to stay in the marriage and you have to believe that God's going to give you the grace to move not a partial testimony , but all of the way open to where your sex life is healthy again , cause if not , it can actually produce more problems in the future . So you want to be able to say I forgiven , but I've also built trust , to where I trust God so much that I'm back to the place of how I used to be before the infidelity happened , and that's possible .
Speaker 2And I want to add that you know , here's things to consider that trust trusts like it's never been betrayed before .
Speaker 1Is that what ?
Speaker 2you , i was going to say and love , loves like it's never been betrayed before . And so at one point , if you want your marriage to be completely restored , even to the sex life that you once had , you're going to have to distrust like you've never been betrayed and to love , you know , like you've never been betrayed before . And that's hard , it's super , super hard , but with God it is possible , for with God all things are possible . And so I would say , as a person who I've , thank God , i've never been in that situation where you've broken my trust .
Speaker 2But I have been in the situation where I have had to overcome sexual trauma . So I was sexually abused , as in my youth , and when we got married it was very hard for me to have an open , intimate sex life because I had been abused in that way . And so at one point in that trauma I had to say you know what ? I have to be vulnerable , i have to allow myself to be open before my husband , even though it hurts , even though I feel all kinds of crazy , even though there's all kinds of red flags going up in on all around me right now , in my head , everywhere . I have to take the next step if I want the intimate relationship with my husband that I know I deserve and should have , and so I would just share , and how did you work through that emotion , though ?
Speaker 1Because that's what it is . So what I see in this is a person that wants to protect himself , which is natural , and it is normal , but it doesn't mean that it's healthy long-term . So you're going to have to move from the place where I'm trusting myself to where I'm willing to trust God , because it's not that I'm going to move from trusting myself to trusting my husband . I think trusting your husband is going to be a part of it , but ultimately , you're going to have to trust God . You're going to have to trust God enough in this relationship to allow yourself to be open again . So I think , for me , that would be the emotion that you have to move from self-protection to know God got me . God got me and I'm not no fool because I've allowed . You know , because the devil can almost make you feel foolish , like I mean you could have left this guy You have a biblical out , but you stayed . Look at you , no , look at you being more like Jesus and loving the unlovely etc .
Speaker 2etc .
Speaker 1And so I don't know . I applaud it .
Speaker 2I'll say one more thing . Is that how I was able to work through those emotions . And this is weird , but it's kind of like you know the saying do it scared , you do it anyway , open up . Hey , husband , this is how I'm feeling because of our past , but I'm going to override the feeling . It's not easier , but I believe it's going to get easier and easier and easier And you overcome by repetition , over and over and over again , until it is exactly the way you want it to be .
Speaker 1I just feel like I need to speak this word over somebody , and that's why fidelity is so important .
Speaker 1And that's why faithfulness is so important And that's why honoring your covenant is so important . I'm not trying to crap on the people that make mistakes , but I'm saying that for real though . It is not worth it . It is not worth me running out for some cheap booty or a little one-night stand or little , whatever you want to call it . It is not worth me destroying 23 years of trust and relationship . And now I got to try to win you back And I don't know what happens in the short circuit of us that will open certain doors , And I know it doesn't feel like a big deal , but you got to guard your house And we got to do a really good job of not letting the outside in . Amen , You know , and I don't know . I feel like that's a whole segment on . What do you have to do to like adultery , proof your marriage and , you know , create boundaries around each other because it's so important . But you know , with God , all things are possible .
Okay . Well , let's go to another quick question , because I could definitely add on to that , but I'm not going to . All right , My child just came out , quote unquote . What should I do ? I do not want to push them away , but also I want to make sure they are doing the right thing . It seems as if I cannot control their feelings . I am extremely lost . Please help . It seems as though I cannot control their feelings . I am extremely lost . Please help .
Speaker 1Okay , this one is unfortunate , but probably growing more and more in popularity , because this is the plan of the enemy for the age that we live in . The cost people to be confused in their sexuality and almost as if they were confused before , but now they're clear clear that this is who I really am . And they don't realize that who they really are can only be found in their creator .
Speaker 1The creator is the only one that has the authority to tell the created how they've been created to function . But the question is written from a parenting standpoint . What should I do ? What should I do ?
Speaker 2I would just um , as we were raising our kids in any other thing . Whenever they send , whenever they did something that disappointed me , that I didn't believe in , i would make sure that I set let my child know that my love for them is separate than my opinion about what they're doing , and so I would let my child know , point blank I do not believe in coming out . I do not believe in whatever it is that that you're saying . Because of this , because of the Bible , this is what I believe , but that doesn't change my love for you . Number one . That's the number one thing I want to say .
Speaker 1I think the principle is I love you but I don't agree with you . Yes , I love you , And I think we need to coin that I love you but I don't agree . Yes , Because we live in a day and time where people are making it like if you don't agree with me , that means you don't love me .
Speaker 2No , that doesn't mean that .
Speaker 1Right , it means that I love you , but I don't agree .
Speaker 2Yes , i love you , but I don't agree with you . I love you . I'm not going to laugh at you . I'm not going to ridicule you . I'm not going to say that you're stupid and you're an idiot . I'm not going to say like degrade you or downplay No , that's not . that's not what I do . I love you and I respect you , but I disagree with you , okay .
Speaker 1I mean , there's a few things to come to my mind . Number one I feel like this is about this child's relationship with Jesus , whether it is been tainted , it's non-existent or it's not as strong as it's supposed to be . So I really feel like we need to get our children strong in their faith so that they can discern properly and have a disdain towards sin . Now , I don't know where this , this person who's come out . I don't know where they are in their walk with Jesus , but it might be good advice to start there .
Speaker 1Instead of attacking the sin , just talk about where's your heart with God . How much do you spend in His Word ? How much time do you spend in worship ? How much time do you spend in church ? Are you in a small group ? And just really help them grow in their relationship with God , because what I do believe is that the Holy Spirit will convict people more than we ever can . The Holy Spirit will lead people , whether it be five years away or 15 years away . I'm seeing so many people who were involved in that lifestyle now coming home , not because anybody said anything . God spoke to them . I have people that are like well , no , i was reading the Bible and God said this to me . Or I was just in prayer and the Lord spoke this to me , or I was doing what was wrong and I heard a voice say you need to get out of there .
Speaker 1And so I think we can go back to the foundations of where is the relationship with God Now , if I sit down with a young person and I say , tell me , are you saved ? And they say , no , well , i'm gonna lead them to Jesus . I ain't got nothing to do with their sin or their lifestyle . Now , after I get them really saved they believe that Jesus is the Lord of their life I'll ask them are you willing to live how God's called you to live ? And if their answer is no , i would say , well , that's not really what being saved is . Being saved is when you give up your life , for the life that God has for you Doesn't mean you're gonna be perfect , but it does mean that you've really repented , You've turned your back on the world , sin and turned your face towards God . And I would make sure they understand salvation Now . Hopefully , through that conversation , they're gonna leave out saved .
Speaker 1I want to live for God , which means that now I'm gonna stand up against sexual immorality , even if I struggle in it . And I think that's the challenge that we have right now , because people don't want to be . Okay that you're struggling . It's okay that you're struggling Like I'm struggling right now in my temptation with other women , or my temptation towards competition , or my temptation towards anger or discouragement .
Speaker 1Just because I struggle don't mean I'll fall , and I think sometimes we paint Christianity like it needs to be this clear , perfect thing . You know , if you come out of a homosexual lifestyle , you're probably gonna struggle for the next 20 to 30 years , but that doesn't mean his grace is not sufficient and that you ever have to go back and you ever have to fall . And so I think our current society right now is trying to throw a lifeline of people struggling . You know what ? let the struggle be over . You know what ? you can just come out and now you don't have to struggle and everybody just knows where you are , or . But the problem with that is that the laws of God are still written on your heart And there are a lot of people who have come out and they are so loud and so obnoxious of how out they are because they're hurting on the inside , and it's not that they're being persecuted , they're not depressed really because because all of their surroundings is that community .
Speaker 2One struggle goes away , but you got 10 other struggles .
Speaker 1Now you got another struggle . So the struggle of what people thought went away , but the struggle of what God thought , that he put in your heart , that he put in your spirit , you cannot run away from . You cannot change your sex . Away from it , You can't do anything You have . There's a whole and every person's soul that only Jesus can feel , And so my hope is to kind of walk this young person through that progression , to where they understand what it means to live holy , where they understand what it means to die to self , what they understand what it means that their it's your salvation needs to be a funeral and also a birthing , And that it's okay that you will be tempted , that you will struggle , but with all temptation he makes a way of escape And if they can agree that , okay , this is my temptation , but I don't want it , but I'm struggling , My flesh wants it but I don't want it .
Speaker 1What can you do ? Then we can talk about counseling , Then we can talk about accountability , Then we can talk about renewing mind , Then we can talk about casting devils out , Then we can talk about deliverance and all these other things so that we can live as a victorious Christian . But I think so the parent now has to go in and do this whole thing of like , okay , where can I start And where ? and now , if you have a kid , that's like I'm out and I don't care what you think , I want nothing to do with your Jesus . Well then , you gotta go to prayer . There's nothing that you can do other than go to prayer and try to still love them , even though I don't agree with you . So it goes back to what you said , And I hope this ain't too much , but I'm just letting it flow . I didn't expect the question , but it's just flowing .
Speaker 1Like then you gotta go back and then say , okay , I love the Bible says this and , as a believer which you need to be it says this I don't agree with you , but I still love you . And because I still love you , I'm gonna love you when I see you . I'm gonna treat you as my daughter , I'm gonna treat you as my son , And this is gonna be hard , but I'm still gonna love you And you're gonna exemplify that out to them , that love out to them And sometimes it might mean love from a distance They're gonna make stuff real crazy for you , depending upon you know what I'm saying , But in God's gonna show you how to love them . And as you love them and as you sow seeds of their potential and as you pray for them , the hope is at some place they'll come out of their pig pen and say I need to go back home to my father .
Speaker 2Yeah , amen , that's good .
Speaker 1You have nothing else to add .
Speaker 2I kind of killed that one You kind of killed that .
Speaker 1Killed it . His dad is done .
Speaker 2Is dead , i might add , just allowing it out
. It doesn't say how old this child is , but they could be 13 , 14 .
Speaker 1In my heart I was thinking 12 or 13 . I was thinking I was addressing a 12 or 13 .
Speaker 2And I know personally for us you're not even allowed to date it 12 . You're not even dating , you don't have boyfriend , girlfriend at this age , and so you have time to submerge them into a church , like make sure that they're going to a church , make sure that they're going to a youth group where they are around kids who are believing the Bible and talking about the Bible . like , submerge your life and your lifestyles into the Bible so that I don't know . you just create healthy relationships . Give them other options other than the obvious ones that they already have .
Speaker 1So much to talk about on that . So much to talk about but we'll move on .
Speaker 2Okay , okay , ooh . Do vibrators have a place in the bedroom ? That's just What do you say , ooh ?
Speaker 1I usually don't say that word vibrator .
Speaker 2I usually don't say that word , because you know I'm not a cusser and I don't cuss . but certain words that I don't like , i just don't say them .
Speaker 1Vibrator is not a word . I want to hear you say vibrator .
Speaker 2I'm not saying it anymore . Say it five times as fast as you can . Already said it . nope , it's done . Vibrator , vibrator , vibrator , Yeah , do they have a place in the bedroom ?
Speaker 1Well , I mean , all we can do is keep it real with the questions . I don't have a personal problem with a vibrator .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1I do have a personal problem with a dildo , but I don't have a personal problem with a vibrator . That's probably not a word When you say dildo , I won't say that word .
Speaker 2No , I will not say that word .
Speaker 1She will not say that word , but I don't have a problem with a vibrator . Years ago we used to use a vibrator which kind of just is like almost like a massager , just vibrating which creates a , create stimulation . So we don't personally have a problem with that Matter of fact . for some people it would be a great aid to use .
Speaker 2I feel like we have to break it down a little bit , though . Okay , so No , if we do So . We used a vibrator back in the day because , for like , a woman has a clitoris and she can climax if that is stimulated .
Speaker 1Break it down if she wants to .
Speaker 2Okay because people don't know Okay , and so I thought like I didn't climax for years of our first in our marriage because I didn't think that I could . I thought , that , oh my gosh , there's no way . But I mean , i enjoyed our sex life , i thought it was great , but I just didn't know what a climax was , and when I found out I was blown away , right . And so anyway , we found out through counselors that showed us like male body part , female body part broke it down .
Speaker 1What we're talking about right now is anatomy , so when it comes to a woman orgasm , there's a G spot and a clitoris , and so the most common female orgasm would be clitoris .
Speaker 2We did not understand that , so insteps vibrator go ahead . So in regular like sex with regular intercourse , the clitoris usually is not stimulated And so the vibrate you can use , you know , your hand , a finger , you know whatever to stimulate that . But a vibrator can , you know , do that as well , and it can , you know , just aid in it And it's great . So we used a vibrator for that reason .
Speaker 1This is for married people And married people . sex is not ungodly , it's holy .
Speaker 2I mean .
Speaker 1God knows If they've been following our podcast , they know we talk about sex all the time . So anyway , nothing to disclaimer , go ahead .
Speaker 2Okay And so . So now to the question whether it has a place in the bedroom . I mean , if you want it to Here's the deal .
Speaker 1I feel like people like to put their convictions on other people when it comes to the bedroom , and I don't think that that's right . In the church world , i think so many people are not having good sex because it's almost they feel like , well , i don't know if I can do this , i don't know if I can do that , i don't know if I can do this , and there are some things that we wouldn't do . There are some things that I feel like , oh , that's probably not healthy , it's probably not fruitful , so forth and so on . But I kind of almost won't church people to lean a little bit towards liberty and freedom and enjoying one another , and it seems like they lean a lot towards .
Speaker 1When I was in the world , i was having sex with everybody doing everything , not that I got saved , i barely touched my spouse , and it's like I want to kind of do some self-correction of that . So I mean this like to us , and then when I say to us , that means that this is our conviction We feel okay with a vibrator , even though we haven't used one in what ? How long , would you say , since we've used a ?
Speaker 2vibrator . How long have we been married ? 23 years , maybe 20 years ?
Speaker 1I was gonna say five . Think about it , but if I really think about it I just can't even remember the last time All the years kinda come together .
Speaker 2This was before Hannah . she's 17 years old , So it's way before then . This is like early in our marriage .
Speaker 1But here's the thing that your fingers and your hand , it can do for the vibrate .
Speaker 2Yeah well , that's why we don't use a vibrate because we don't eat it now .
Speaker 1But vibrate is a lot easier for the man . Just put this on , okay , praise God .
Speaker 2We need to get the vibrate to pack out ? No , it's not , we're really not ready to get that back out , i've seen it . Yeah , but I think that yeah , so .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2And I'm a big fan of . We all have the Holy Spirit . You know , if you're a believer , you have the Holy Spirit inside you .
Speaker 1Let me tell you what's wrong .
Speaker 2God's inside of you , yeah . If it feels wrong , don't do it . You know , if you know that it's wrong , don't do it , and if it's right , just do it .
Speaker 1Well , in marriage you have to do both . People feel okay with it . You feel okay with it .
Speaker 2You feel liberated in it , why not Talk about it ? Is this sinful ? If it is a sin , okay , but we're not gonna do it .
Speaker 1Something about it . We didn't don't do it Right , it's okay , right , okay , enough of that , all right here , let's do a couple more , okay , okay .
Speaker 2My husband is not focusing on my needs . He only wants to have sex . But he is not seeing how I feel mentally and physically After our second child . My libido has become low .
Speaker 1Oh low .
Speaker 2And he does not seem to care . We just continue to argue . Am I supposed to give him what he wants ?
Speaker 1I think we should title this Woman from Seattle with low libido . Ah , no , i mean .
Speaker 2I wanna say woman , you are not alone . Every wife goes through this .
Speaker 1I thought you was gonna say , woman , you need to give your man some .
Speaker 2No , I mean and I'll say that too Woman , give him what he wants , okay .
Speaker 1No , no , no . Start with the woman . You're not alone Woman you're not alone .
Speaker 2So like , yeah , i understand , this is really real . Women are tired Women , you know we get frustrated , especially we have babies , we have periods , menstrual cycles , we go through menopause . It's like really taxing on us emotionally and physically . So , yes , i understand . I think the best thing is for you to communicate as best you can with your husband and being a wife and a mother . Here are some things that I have done .
Speaker 2Come on with it To kinda get over that right To deal with it , Because I still wanna sex life . I know you still wanna sex life , You still wanna be intimate with your husband , not just sex life .
Speaker 1You wanna good sex life ? Yeah , good one . And sex life if you look forward to , and that happens with intentionality .
Speaker 2And so one of the things I find out is that I'm exhausted at the end of the day , and so , even after having kids and things like that , i kind of took the . We went from having to have sex at night with the candles and the music and me having on a negligee and me feeling perfumed up and having my hair and makeup done and everything to like look , i don't have time for that because I'm exhausted . So , look , the baby's taking a nap right now . Let's go into the bedroom . My hair is crazy And you know , but you know I'm clean and everything . But let's have fun , let's throw all this other stuff out the window And let's just enjoy each other in the moment . So I've done things like that . Sex doesn't have to be at night , it can be any time you want it to be , and it doesn't have to be the perfect scenario . Just get in there and have some fun .
Speaker 1The person says my husband's not meeting my needs . That's a family meeting .
Speaker 1So , you need to sit down and communication is what's leading to the bedroom , and you all have to really talk about his needs , her needs . He will tell you that he needs more frequency , and you need to tell him what your needs are , and then you need to have this communication to where he can begin to meet your needs . So I'm assuming that these are probably emotional needs , and I think that if he meets some of those needs , you might be willing to give it up a little bit more . It says that he only wants to have sex , but he's not seeing how I feel mentally and physically .
Speaker 1Marriage is a death to self , and so what I'm hearing in this is that you are focused on you . Now , help me if I'm wrong , because this is from a woman , so balance me out . But that's the thing . If you want a great marriage and great sex , you have to focus on your husband more than you , and he has to focus on you more than him . And that's the only place where marriages really strive , where there is selflessness more than selfishness . So you are saying well , i'm tired , my libido , i have babies , i'm just that , ah , ah , ah , ah , ah . And until you cross over to you , you , you , you . So your thing should be anytime you want it . Baby , come get it Anytime . I'm here for you . I want to serve you . You need needs today , and he should be like baby , are you tired today ? Are you sure it's okay ?
Speaker 2today .
Speaker 1What can I do for you ? Did you have a hard day ? Can I help with the kids ? Do you need me to pick up a vacuum ?
Great marriages are birthed out of selflessness more than selfishness .
Speaker 2I will say , and yeah , there is the balance , because the last thing you want to hear at the end of the day , or anytime , whenever you feel so exhausted as a wife and a mother , you pour out everything to your kids . I mean your breast milk , you know , like you put , you give everything . And then at the end of the day , like the husband's just like well , we haven't had sex for a week , we , you know . and it's like , yeah , it's like taking a knife and like just punch me in the face .
Speaker 2Like yeah , it can be so emotional Drain . well , you feel emotionally you don't have anything else to give and you want me to give you something else .
Speaker 1Well , i need men to hear that . Yes , so you're done .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's like it's . it does have nothing to do with my love for you or me being selfish . I am done , And so what I found is that it's healthy communication between the husband and the wife , and so once we've had communication , i let you know . baby , i can't do anything else . Some things that we've done is you say you know what ? I see that Why don't you just go ahead and sleep Tomorrow ? you sleep in . I'm taking off the first half of the day , sleep until 12, . I got the kids . I'll take the kids to school . I'll do this .
Speaker 2Okay , friday night I'm not going doing anything just sleep all night , yeah , and like you begin to step up for me in those areas because , you see it , there's too much on my plate . That right there is the key that will unlock everything , because once she feels like he understands me , okay , he's not someone else who just wants to take something else from me And you actually want to give to me instead of taking away , it changes the game .
Speaker 1I think if anybody's been watching us , if they looked at sex God's way or you know all the stuff we put out on sex , they know that we believe the scripture .
Speaker 1The Bible says that we are not to withhold sex from one another , but at the same time , that has to be appropriated in wisdom . There's many times that I want to have sex , but I'll look at you , what you have on your plate or how sleepy you are , and we'll pull back Because , once again , this is founded in selflessness , not selfishness , and so I don't know . I just I want men to hear that Like . It almost reminds me of that term you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip , and I don't know if you get blood out of a turnip , but I think what that phrase means is that you can't get nothing when there's nothing .
Speaker 1You know what I'm saying . So you're trying to get your needs met when she is completely done . So now , mr Husband , you got to come in and figure out how not to make your wife done , and then , wife , you have to figure out how to communicate So at the end of the day , you can still serve your husband and love your husband , and then you guys can meet up each other's needs . But I do want to hit this before we move on to the last question . She says that after having two kids , my libido is low . Is that a physical thing or an emotional thing ? What's that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , that's a hormonal thing . And I would say make sure you see your doctor , make sure you let them know that your libido is low . They can do tests to balance it , to see what your hormone levels are . I've been to the doctor before and I had low progesterone levels and the doctor gave me progesterone . I had low testosterone levels and the doctor gave me testosterone , And so I would say get a good doctor .
Speaker 1I mean if we should put our doctor in the show notes or a doctor like our doctor , maybe put them in the show notes , but I'm just thinking that you've got to go to someone that's not just gonna medicate . Medicate It's what you eat , it's your hormonal balance the things that you need . I guess what I don't want people to hear is like I have low libido and my sex drive is gone , there's nothing I can do about it . When there is something you can do about it even a man who has low testosterone and is having a problem with erections there are things that you can do .
Speaker 2Naturally , you just got to find the right doctors and be willing to do Functional medicine , functional doctors , anti-aging doctors , Anti-aging all those things in your city .
Speaker 1All right , praise God . Well , hey , i think I'm kind of done with this for today . We got more questions and y'all keep your questions coming in and we're gonna keep them coming out . So thank you guys for tuning in to a bonus episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . If you have questions , please email us . We would love to answer your questions , because this is where people are living And we do our best to hear from God and put out segments and content that's life-giving . But it's a whole nother thing when we get questions and we're hitting exactly what people want here , And so we appreciate you .
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Speaker 1We wanna build an online community where we can help you and mentor you . for those who wanna be mentored , share our life , our good , our bads , our ups and our downs , where we can grow closer to God and closer to the people that God has placed in our life . If you enjoyed today , please let us know . I know we enjoyed having you , okay , And so until next time we'll see you real soon . Thank you for tuning in to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha Peace .