Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , what's up everybody ? Hey , everyone . Thank you so much for tuning to another episode today of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha .
Speaker 1Today is for the single people who are out there , if you know , people who are not married yet . This is for you 10 ways to prepare yourself for marriage . Thank you so much for tuning in . If you are newer to our podcast , welcome . We are so glad . We pray all the time God let people who need to find our show let them find it , and we hope to bring value to your life and help you grow closer to God and closer to the people that God has placed in your life . This is my wife , tabitha . We've been married for 24 years . You're looking beautiful , as always . Sweetheart , if I could sing God , sing to you right now .
Speaker 1Is there anything on your heart that God's been speaking to you about ? Anything that's like man ? I've been studying this , looking at this , and I just want our audience to know this Do you have this revelation ?
Speaker 2I don't know if I have the whole revelation yet but I can tell you what I've been studying and so I don't know , it's maybe like a month ago or so .
Speaker 2I asked the Lord , for whatever reason , just like help me to be more aware of your presence , help me to be more aware of the Holy Spirit who is with me . And since then I just had been running into and studying scripture about the spirit and spiritual maturity , growing in , the gifts of the spirit growing in because we are a spirit , we have a soul and we live in the body . And so many times I'll speak to myself I can focus on the body , the body , the body . I need to exercise , I need to eat , I need to drink water , I need to take these vitamins , I need to get dressed , what I look like . So there's so much focus on the body . But I heard a really old school preacher that I was listening to . He said I am so aware of my spirit being that sometimes I just forget about my body , and I thought that was like crazy , right , like you're just kind of like a ghost walking around and you can take that to the negative too . Like you gotta think about your body .
Speaker 2But , anyway , with all that being said , I am focusing on who I am , the spirit being the image and likeness of God and the spirit and growing in the gifts of the spirit , growing spiritually mature .
Speaker 1I think you said in the beginning being aware of the presence of the Lord .
Speaker 2Aware of the presence of the Lord . And it's quite a journey , it's nice .
Speaker 1Well , good , well , let's journey on . Praise God . Well , anyway , guys , if you really want to grow spiritually , come to a live conference . Okay , if you want more information about a live conference happening in Orlando , florida , the second week of October , we would love to have our audience you guys who are tuning in to come into Orlando spend three days with us . If you want more information , check out our website . Get your ticket before they are all sold out . Today's show is entitled 10 Ways to Prepare Yourself for Marriage . All right , I wanna build some quick foundation for today before we dive into those 10 steps . You do not have to be married y'all to be fulfilled . Can you talk about that Foundation number one ?
Speaker 2Absolutely . Our fulfillment comes from God . It comes from Jesus Christ . When we accept him as our personal Lord and Savior . He is the fulfillment , he's everything that we need . The Holy Spirit of God , you know Like we are fulfilled in Christ , and so I think a lot of times we hear that when we get married , like this is my better half , you know , or like the two halves will become a whole , and that's kind of like it's not true . You know , we're not less of a person because we're not married .
Speaker 1If you are waiting to get married to be fulfilled , you're gonna be sadly disappointed when you get married .
Speaker 1You wanna come into marriage already being fulfilled . You already wanna be two holds coming together . You don't wanna be two halves coming together , and so I just wanna hit that from the beginning . We're not sharing this with you because there's some people who feel a call to singleness . Like Paul and like Jesus , I say right on , do what you do . But the majority of people probably wanna be married one day . So we wanna give them these 10 things in preparation for that . My second part of foundation would be sometimes God will hold something back from you because you're not ready yet , and I think that's important to know . Number one you don't have to be married to be fulfilled . But number two sometimes you are still single because , honestly , you're not ready for anybody yet you would get married and tear it up .
Speaker 1You would tear yourself up , you would tear them up . It would just be a tear up fest , and I don't believe that God will put on you more than you can really handle . I do believe that , as a good father , he doesn't want the blessing to become a burden . And so if I was in a single season and I love this , because what a lot of people say well , y'all been married 24 years . Well , you've been single just as long as you've been married . Now I crossed that threshold that I've been married a couple of years longer than I was single . But you got married when you was 24 ? 23 . 23 ? Yeah , okay , you got one year .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1So you've been married now 24 years , single 23 . I guess what I'm saying is that we know what it's like to be single , even though it was a while ago . But we also pastor a bunch of single people and I think I want people to know that sometimes if you're believing God for your Boaz , believing God for a husband , believing God for a wife , sometimes he has not released that , because you have to work on you and you got to do a deep work to develop your patience , your selflessness , your mindset , because I'm telling you , marriage is a magnifier and it will magnify those inconsistencies . And so Proverbs 24-7 , it says prepare your work outside and get it ready for yourself in the field . Afterward , build your house and establish your home . Proverbs gives us an order . It says get your landscaping ready , do your engineering work , do your topography for where you gonna build this house . You need to get the blueprints and the engineering work done and after you do that , build your house .
Speaker 1There's a lot of people who are building their house , but they haven't worked on their heart , they haven't worked on the soil of their heart . They haven't worked on their mindset , their hurts , their habits , their hangups , and they're trying to build something on a faulty foundation . We want to get you prepared , and that's what I want to give you 10 ways to prepare yourself now as a single . That's good For what you say you won't . Are you ready ? I'm ready .
Speaker 1One is don't compare your relationship status to anybody else's . There are too many people that are down low , sad , because somebody else is living the dream that you desperately want . They see their friends getting married and they're still single . They see their friends going on honeymoon and they at home . They see their friends having children , but they don't have anybody to have children with . And what I've learned is that you never really know what's going on behind closed doors . You don't really know . There are a lot of people posting pictures that they happy , but they ain't really happy . There are a lot of people who are married , but they wish to God they were single . And then you got the single people wishing to God they were married and it's all like you gotta be content at whatever state you're in . What do you think ?
Speaker 2about that . I like that and I noticed what you said is that you know before that you talked about maybe God , you know , maybe you need to get yourself together first . You know what I mean and sometimes , you know , I think some people can be single and maybe they're waiting on their , their husband or their wife , to get it together . I mean , I've met so many people . Who Would you help them get themselves ?
Speaker 1together .
Speaker 2No , no , like the person that God has for you , god's working on them right now . God needs another six months until they're , until they're ready . You know what I mean . Like God , give me another three months , give me another year , because I got the right person for you . But , trust me , wait for it . Wait for it and it's gonna be good when it comes . But you know , sometimes you know the people that we see out there and they're in , maybe having trouble in their relationships . They didn't wait , they didn't want to wait six months , yeah , and they rushed into that .
Speaker 1Okay . Number two don't believe the lies of the enemy . Okay , and that's one thing you have to choose now as a single person , Because the Bible calls Satan a liar . No , it actually calls him the father of lies .
Speaker 1So all of the lies that we hear basically originates with Satan . He's the father of it . So he says this kind of thing to single people You're not attractive , You're defective . Nobody's ever gonna want you . You're too old now . Who wants to be with you ? And you got all those kids . Your standards are too high . Your standards are too low . What man gonna want you with all you've done ? What woman's gonna want you ? And you don't have this and you don't have that . And sometimes you just gotta say shut up , devil .
Speaker 1You gotta put them underneath your feet , because the devil is a liar . He's actually the father of those lies .
Speaker 2Yeah , I would say you know when I think about let's just , let's , let's just use common sense with it . You know what I mean . And really , like you , can look around at all kinds of people who are married . They might not be attractive , they might not have good jobs , they might not be smart . You would never marry them . And my point in that is , the enemy will try to look at you and say , well , you're not married because you're too fat , you're too ugly , you're too , you're not smart enough , you don't have . You know , those are all lies , because there's a bunch of married people out there today . None of those Doesn't make sense . Devil , that's a dumb . That you know , that's dumb . That doesn't make sense . Come , come again . Try , you know , try something else . This one , I'm too smart for that one .
Speaker 1I've even seen people who were once married before or they were in some long-lasting relationship and after that relate after the divorce or after that relationship was over . That person that they split from on the way out the door says all these mean things about like this is why it's over , because you're not this and that's why I'm leaving with this person and I'm going to be with this person and you're not this and you're not that . And you do have to go through a season where you send those words back the hell , where they absolutely because those people do not define you and always .
Speaker 1I know . I heard a saying years ago that one man's trash is another man's treasure , and just because somebody treats you like trash doesn't mean that you're actually trash and . Your treasure because of who God says that you are yes , you're an heir of God and a joint heir with Christ Jesus . You are a royal priesthood , a holy nation , and it doesn't matter the because when people break up with you or break it off , satan tries to use them to tear down who you are and you got to go back to the word to build yourself up .
Speaker 2Yeah , and and also people who speak those kind of mean , you know , abusive , unkind things , don't listen to them . They don't respect themselves enough to not let those nasty things come out of their mouth . I'm not about to sit here and listen to what you had to say . Come on , I just Don't go there number three would be don't be pressed .
Speaker 1That's what I would want somebody who's single to know in the preparation season . Don't be pressed . I'm not saying don't give people the cold shoulder . I think people do that too much too . Yes , it's almost like you act , so not pressed . You're not even baiting a hook .
Speaker 2Mm-hmm .
Speaker 1So people would think that you're not even interested in dating or seeing anybody because you actually took it too far . You want to say something about that ? You look like .
Speaker 2I mean I've probably done well , you know both of those things in the past . But yeah , when it comes to you know the whole . I mean both of them . Okay , let's take the press one for being pressed . Yeah , I mean especially for girls . Now , you know , I can say this because I'm a woman , especially for women , what I would , you know , I I find that women who chase the man usually Never , usually I mean there , I know some usually somehow I'm not saying initiate , because women you can initiate like would you like to go , like coffee , or like I'm not saying , I'm not saying initiate
.
Speaker 1I'll go back to the Chase .
Speaker 2I'm saying you chase after him , he don't call you . You call him , he don't ask you . You know like you're always chasing after him .
Speaker 1Work listen after that first date , you know if he's not Let you know if we're interested you know , we actually guys , are wired to want kind of the thrill of the hunt a little bit and like if you take away the chase , that's actually don't be too easy for him , let him work for it .
Speaker 1He was the work for his meal even back in the day when I was not living for God , like if a girl was too easy Mm-hmm , I would take which was easy , but then didn't want to talk to her any long Mm-hmm and I know that sad I'm saying long time ago , long time ago , before being filled with the Holy Spirit back when I was in the world .
Speaker 1If it's too easy , it's too easy . Yeah . And then there's people that make it too hard . But when I say , don't be pressed , give me what comes to your mind , any examples . Don't be pressed .
Speaker 2Like I said , you know blowing them up on his you know , no , on his cell phone . You know all these texts , all these voice messages . You've stalking him on social media . You're , you know , asking his friends and stuff . Where is he like ? Just like , leave him alone . Let him come and find out what you like , what your favorite color is , what restaurant you like to go to like , just you know , leave him alone for me it would be .
Speaker 1Being pressed , will be go too deep too fast . You know you're on a first date . You kind of got a . You got to wade the water . There's a wisdom with this thing , you know .
Speaker 1Mm-hmm too too easy or available you know , I'm saying like you should have some things like , hey , you want to go out Thursday . Well , you know what ? I got this class that I do on Thursday night . Okay , how's Friday ? Okay , you're Friday , I can't do six , but I can do lunch . I mean like not , you know , like like they call you go ahead and you know , not saying like you don't have to be fake , but be .
Speaker 2You know you be real and genuine in it . Like you know you have a life . You know what I mean . Do things that you like to do . Go to the YMCA , do an exercise program , join a small group , you know , take a new class , have something that you're doing and you're interested in , so that when he does come along you like , oh snap , no , I cuz I got my small group . On Tuesday is seven o'clock , so how's Thursday at six ?
Speaker 1you know like you know I can't explain exactly what I mean by pressed , but I would say that's a person who lacks a level of security and inner confidence . And I just feel like , as a woman of God and even as a man of God , that when it comes to the dating , there should be a knowing who you are , there should be a little level of confidence that's exuding , to where it's not like you're just so thirsty .
Speaker 2Yeah , you're just gonna gotta know that about yourself , know that about yourself . Spend enough time in the presence of God , knowing that God loves you . Yeah , so that the you know when he's telling you I mean cuz he could be just a joker , you know what I mean like not really , he just , you know , is really not that into you , but this is what he does . He's not ready to settle down yet . He don't believe what you believe , all of that stuff . And so that he says if you're thirsty or if you're oppressed and you you want , you know , you're hungry for love like that , because you don't have it from God , maybe you don't know who you are , you haven't had spent their time in the word to build yourself up in the word of God . The first time he says oh , you're so beautiful , I love you , all of these things . Now you fall for it .
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 2You had me hello and you end up . It never is . Most of the time it doesn't even . You don't even end up at the altar .
Speaker 1It's just another broken relationship , another , you know soul tie , another and so we're not saying come over here towards cockiness and it's cold and it's hard to get , but there's just a level of confidence that you have in the security . And it's almost this position of if I get married , praise God , and if I don't , praise God like I'm good with who I am . I desire that I want to spend my life with someone , but if I don't , I'm still gonna have joy and peace and you know all of that number four .
Speaker 1Don't be too picky . All right , and I don't know if this is a man thing more than a woman thing . You tell me , but sometimes I feel like we are too picky , specifically when it comes to you . Know , you got to be picky on spiritual things .
Speaker 2You know what I'm saying .
Speaker 1I want to make sure , if I was single , to find somebody that's going my same direction . I don't want to be unequally yoked trying to drag you to church every Sunday , absolutely get you to tithe , and trying to get you to give and live right . I don't know if you Right . I mean , I'm gonna be picky when it comes to spiritual things , but when it comes to like how a person looks , I Don't know . I just feel like I mean talk to people are too picky .
Speaker 1I think they too picky . I mean , you've been single for 47 years and now it's like , well , I don't know , he's just not tall enough . Like what they got to do with it . Like do we got a job ? Do you love ? Wow , dude , does it go to the gym ? Okay , I mean , I don't know , is that ? Is that just me ?
Speaker 2I think I mean , when it comes to being attracted to someone at least , you need to be attracted to the person , yeah , but being picky as far as he has to be a certain height , a certain skin color , a Certain you know like .
Speaker 1I think that's , that's different but I think that some people bring those things over into there if they're attractive or not , because People are can be attractive more than how they first look physically . Their personality can be attractive , they're thought absolutely they're into their confidence .
Speaker 2They're swag .
Speaker 1That's what we mean , yeah but sometimes we're so picky that they don't even get a first date or second date , because you're just judging how a person looks like on the outside .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1I don't know if I mean tell me if you think differently , but I'm just like I think it's true .
Speaker 2I mean it's hard to say , but I think we both know Several people over several years who we'd be like well , what about this person ? What about that person ? No response was so , like you know , in a way that we'd be like hmm , you might not ever get a husband or wife if you're judging off .
Speaker 1That's what I'm feeling . That's . Yeah so over the years , people of God , we've had people that have been a part of our church or that we've known that really want to be married . And when we say , hey , what about this person ?
Speaker 2It's like and they're great people , they're great people .
Speaker 1We know them . Yeah , we know them , but they don't look like Denzel or something right saying . They're not like Patrick Swayze . I'm just throwing out names . I don't know . Women think , okay , good looking , I don't know , but anyway , but it's just like but , but it's like nah , nah , nah and we like why not ? Yeah , you've been believing God for 15 years , why not ?
Speaker 2I think God did me a favor when I when he did , yes , he did because , like I , I was just hopeless without God and I think that's the thing is just , you know , be Ask the Lord to help you with this . You know , like I think , sometimes I hear singles they write a list , you know , of , not demands , but you know my this is what I'm believing , this is what I'm believing God for .
Speaker 2We present that to God , but just like you present that to God , in the same way God helped me with anything on this list that I need to change , even if , if he's , you know , if the person you have for me is not anything like this list , show me Lord , because I think sometimes I don't know , because we gotta give you the desires of your heart , and I know that and you have not , cuz you asked , not all of that stuff , but I would not have been on her list .
Speaker 1Let me just say I would not have been on her list .
Speaker 2You were not on .
Speaker 1I am better than her list . I am . I check all the boxes that her list didn't even know that it needed .
Speaker 2I didn't even know .
Speaker 2No oh , my goodness . And so , yeah , like
. So when I met you , I would like I didn't even want it . You know , I was just done with men all together because I thought that all men were just cheaters and liars and disgusting . I didn't want anything to do with men . Okay , I was about to miss it . But when I turned around and looked at you , in fact you asked me hey , you know what's my , what's your name or whatever ? And I was like ignoring you . I was just like didn't want to talk to you at all . But you said I saw you in church on Sunday and that's how God helped me , because I wasn't gonna look at you at all like we . Just I was gonna give you a fake number , you would not know .
Speaker 1I wouldn't say but I don't feel like you looked at me and was like you're not tall enough and you're not dark enough . No , I didn't do that , not at all , not at all and those were might have been some of the things on your natural list .
Speaker 2But when I yeah , on my natural list it would have been tall , dark skin , bald head . I was . I like Tyson Beckford back in the day , which he was a supermodel like all of this stuff . You mad because I said his name .
Speaker 1I'm mad cuz you said his name , cuz there's women that I be saying their names and when I say they names you be like it's not appropriate .
Speaker 2Well , you don't like cuz . I don't want you from the stage .
Speaker 1I'm gonna say all their names right now . What's up girl ?
Speaker 2Well , the point is back in the day because now , yeah , I probably shouldn't have said a name , but now I know , please , I'm completely duck herself in the whole washed . The point was the point is Physical , physically wise you said that . Cuz you just want to say stuff . No , you've never told me not to say the name people that I told you yeah , cuz I don't care .
Speaker 1That's a long time ago , I don't know . You know , have babies by me and I care . Got my ring on . I don't care about that , but same wrong the way you care . Anyway , number five is don't settle .
Speaker 2Did we ever finish the ?
Speaker 1no . Number four was don't be too picky . Yeah , number five is don't settle , and these two points go hand in hand . Yeah because there's some people that's too picky , and then there's some people that settle , and so sometimes we say , well , I ain't gonna be picky , I don't mean go marry McGillagorilla At the same time who's McGillagorilla ?
Speaker 1I don't know , but don't settle , and so Only the wisdom will help you identify If you are too picky or if you're settling , because we're saying both yeah and so when it comes to settling , it's kind of like you know , do you enjoy being around this person ?
Speaker 1Yeah do they get you ? Do you feel better when you're around them ? Do they add value to you ? Are you going the same direction ? Do you have same spiritual passions ? Don't settle for those things . Yeah , I'm not trying to drag you into the end zone the rest of my life .
Speaker 2I was gonna say I know for women . I think in what I see in the church world is a lot of women settle for men who aren't spiritually mature well , why is that ? I think because they're settling , they're just like well , he's good enough , he comes to church with me on Sunday , so I think there is a .
Speaker 1What is it when there's a scarcity ? Maybe there's a shortage of spiritually mature men ?
Speaker 2and I'm not judging them at all .
Speaker 1I think that many times , when men get married , you God uses their wife to help them mature .
Speaker 2Amen .
Speaker 1Meaning that I think there's a reason for that . I'm not saying that it's right . I'm not saying that I'm you know that I can quantify it . I'm just saying that I think that's the problem . But go ahead . What's your point ?
Speaker 2I was going to ask you for men . I think you know , for men who settle . Do you feel like a lot of men settle for women that they don't necessarily maybe they're not attracted to , they settle because she's there , maybe that she is rude and kind of you know , always got to come back , but they settle because it's basically like , well , I'm just going to listen to her , she wants to get married and she won't leave me alone , so I'm just going to get married .
Speaker 1In my experience , I do not think that men settle as much as women do . Okay , it just in my experience . In my experience , though , I have seen men settle , and when they settle it's more like , well , I wasn't really attracted to her , but she was so nice and she loved the Lord and she checked all these boxes , but I wasn't really attracted to her , and I do believe that when you get married , you need to be attracted to that person . There is a romantic , physical , intimate side of our relationship . That's very , very important , not saying that he has to be , you know , have a six pack or so forth , but there needs to be a level of like . I'm attracted to this person , and so that's where I see God settling , but I don't think it's like the common thing .
Speaker 2Wow .
Speaker 1But anyway , don't settle , but don't be too picky . Number six will be get your finances right , and to me that's important as a relation to preparation before marriage . You don't want to come and God finally put somebody in your life and it's like , well , you know , I got all this debt and my credit is messed up . We don't want them to be like you used to be , and so I had this whole project that I took on . When I said I do to you , I said I do the bad credit to debt to people , and so I had to , for the first two , three years , just work ourself out of a hole . That's not God's best , and we didn't know nothing back then , but that's not God's best . And so what I'm suggesting is that in the preparation season , you're still single . You don't have anybody . This is the time for you to boss it . This is the time for you to climb up the ladder of success in your career . This is the time for you to buy a home . Yes , if you are single , go buy you a home when Now , that is the foundation of your wealth .
Speaker 1These houses are appreciating in most markets . Not sure what nation you're in , but here in America , in most cities , stuff is appreciating . You're getting a tax deduction . You already own a home . Fine , turn that one into a rental property . Do a long-term rental , do an Airbnb rental . You got two or three homes , fine , go get you another one . If real estate is not your thing , invest in stocks , mutual funds , maybe a business here and there . This is just a time where you don't have the responsibility to take care of that husband . You can be number one about the work of the Lord , but number two you can get your financial house in order . So when you finally meet somebody , it's like you're meeting somebody that adds value to you and you're adding value to them .
Speaker 2Anything on that ? No , that's good .
Speaker 1Okay , number seven , I would say deal with your past and get healed , because in the season of preparation , like I say , marriage is a magnifier . And so if you have a bunch of hurts and habits and hangups from past trauma , specifically childhood trauma a lot of what is manifesting today , if you talk to most psychologists , whether it be confusion and gender or even sexuality , they will tell you that 85% of people that are struggling in those areas have childhood trauma that's been unresolved .
Speaker 1I was just talking to a certified psychologist counselor and she was telling me that they will say well , I'm this way . Am I trauma that I've been through help me come to my realization of who I really am ? When , truthfully , the trauma that you've been through helped you believe that lie , it molded you into that , and all it is is that I have not really dealt with trauma in a biblical , godly way and I just feel like if you don't deal with your past , it's gonna come up in your future . It's gonna come up , and there are a lot of people that are rushing into marriage without dealing with the fact that I felt rejection and abandonment from someone who was in my past . This is what I saw , this is the abuse , and so then you get married and it's manifesting in your sex life . It's manifesting in the way that you perceive the opposite gender because you just didn't deal with the junk in the trunk .
Speaker 2Wow , that is so true . I mean , I'll say that firsthand . That's exactly what
I did . I did not deal with my past . I got married and there was my past . I brought it into the marriage with me , and so when we were married , I was depressed with severe depression and anxiety . I was taking antidepressants , I was going through therapy , I was working it out in our marriage and it affected our marriage . I mean , it almost ended our marriage and so it was harder to do inside of the marriage . How much better would it have been if I came to the marriage completely healed from my past .
Speaker 1It would have been so good . I mean , you can do it , you can do it . You can do it Because a lot of people say , well , I need to get myself together , I can't work on my marriage . Well , if you're married , you got to do both .
Speaker 2At the same time , yeah , you got to do both .
Speaker 1But if we're talking to single people and that's what we're- doing .
Speaker 2You have the opportunity to do it before you get married .
Speaker 1Number eight would be growing , god , I think , in this season . I think there's a scripture in 1 Corinthians 7 and 32 . It says but I want you to be without care . He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord , how he may please the Lord , but he who is married cares about the things of this world , how he may please his wife . The principle is vice versa .
Speaker 1Basically , the single people should be the most turned up people in the whole church .
Speaker 1They should be the ones that show up when the church is opened .
Speaker 1They should show up for midweek , they should show up for small groups , because what the scripture is saying is that when you're single , you should first off be about the work of the Lord . I know you a boss lady , I know you a boss man , I know you a career person , but you got to put God first . But then , when you get married , you're going to care about the things of this world , not the things like the ungodly things of this world . You have to take care of my needs as a man and I got to take care of your needs as a woman , and so now there are certain things that I can't do for the Lord because I have to take care of the ministry of our marriage first , absolutely . And so in the single season you get a great opportunity to go after God , like to go hard , to spend time in prayer , to go on missions trips , to go to multiple small groups . I mean you get an opportunity to build this wonderful foundation in Jesus that you can build the rest of your relationship upon .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's so good . And I know , being a wife and a mother , there are certain times where you know , well , I'm not coming to midweek because I got to go do this with my kids and you know , having babies it's just like . You know , I can't , I can't serve right now . I just had a baby . Or you know , like , give me six weeks , you know . So those are the like literal you have to take care of your family .
Speaker 1Yeah , but in the single season you get to grow in the fruit of the spirit kindness and peace and gentleness and long suffering . You get to grow in the gifts of the Holy spirit , the working of miracles and the gift of faith . You get to grow . You get to study your Bible without being hindered by other people . You get to spend time with God , not just 15 minutes , you can spend 15 hours . I mean , you got to go to work , you know , and stuff like that . But what I'm saying is that this is a great season .
Speaker 2It is .
Speaker 1Don't diss it . You know what I'm saying . Absolutely Don't act like , oh I'm single and it sucks . Oh , be single and satisfied Single and .
Speaker 2Back to the preparation , like I know of a couple . They still go to our church in our Gainesville campus and they were single . I mean they maybe got married in their late 20s , early 30s and they were just about God's business , I mean just like kingdom warriors and they got married . They have a baby now , a young baby , maybe one , two years old , but they don't have any strife . Like their marriage is like good , like they're not arguing , they're not fighting , they love the married life . But they did it right as a single . They were in the house all the time serving , not like crazy , but as much as they could . They were serving , praying , just all kinds of stuff . And I'm just thinking about them as I think about single people . It's just like enjoying your singlehood , enjoying where you are and making the most out of it , because when you do , if it's your desire , you're gonna do it , it's gonna happen . When you do , it can be so good . Take care of what you need to take care of in this season .
Speaker 1So good , number nine would be getting shape .
Speaker 2And .
Speaker 1I would really speak this as a word over single people Like this is a season and if you're saying I'm gonna prepare my yard , I'm gonna prepare my soil and then I'm gonna build a house , this is a great time for you to get in the best shape of your life .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1There's spiritual shape , there's emotional shape , but there's also physical shape , like as a single person . I just feel like I wanna teach , especially my daughters , my spiritual daughters , that is , I wanna teach you how to bait the hook . We should do a podcast on how to win a man . If you want that podcast , let us know . I wanna give you like 10 keys of how to win a man , because many people don't bait the hook right . Like if you come out of the house like a man are visual . Most men , most men , are visual , so it does matter what you look like . Okay , and so when you come out , you go to the public , so you might wanna go with your hair done , get your nails done , pull a makeup on .
Speaker 2You mean , I just can't be me and walk out , and you could , you know , and I gotta go out , because if you don't like me looking like the real me , then why would I want him ?
Speaker 1anyway , I'm just saying first catch him . First catch him , then you can clean him and then come out however you wanna come out . You know what I'm saying , like ? But what I'm saying is that men are visual and I'm not saying that you gotta go be Holly Berry how about that name ? I'm not saying that you gotta go and put and be the .
Speaker 2There's a couple of names that you like to say .
Speaker 1I'm not saying that you gotta go and be this model or be some perfect person on the outside , but you can be the best you , you can be .
Speaker 2Yeah , and you don't have to be a certain shape or size , it's just to be , you know , like you say in shape yeah , the best you like . Can we just talk about that ?
Speaker 1for a minute , because I think there's so much media pressure for women to be like a certain size . Oh my gosh . All of the pictures are like women who are zero or one in size , and the average woman is not .
Speaker 1It's changing now which is good , but that's not our message . Our message is like just be the best you you can be , because there's gonna be some people that are tall , there's some people that are shorter , there's gonna be some people that are more . What would it be ? Not thick ? That might not be appropriate . Heavy set I don't know what is appropriate .
Speaker 2Big , small , short , tall , Just wider .
Speaker 1you know there's gonna be people that are thinner , wider , bigger , taller , darker , lighter . Be the best you you can be and be happy with the skin
and who you are . You know what I'm saying ? Fulfill , don't try to be anybody else , but dog on it . Get yourself in the best possible shape the best .
Speaker 2you is a healthy you .
Speaker 1Yeah , if you go to the doctor and they say you are 35 pounds overweight , do something about it for yourself . Like , go get yourself . Like , if you're single , get into the gym . When you come to church , present the best you that you possibly can , not just at church , wherever you go , I mean , be that person . That's like you're always putting your best self out there . And then when you get married and things change and you have kids and then you're transitioning to that season , but now you've got something that's built off love .
Speaker 1And honestly , when a person , person , person meets you , it ain't based off love , it's just based off of infatuation and attraction and stuff .
Speaker 2So play those cards . That's true . That's true . What were you gonna say ? You were talking about just being your best self . You know , after you get married , you have kids . If you're women and men , men usually gain a couple pounds too whenever the woman gets pregnant and so . But what you do is in your single state , you're just training yourself for what you're gonna do for the rest of your life . I'm always gonna be the best me .
Speaker 2I'm always gonna be in my best health . I'm gonna go through . You know ups and downs and you know all of this stuff , but I'm still gonna go back to being the best me and I think that's important .
Speaker 1You know , in some of this I lean towards because , if we're to be honest , in the church the ratios are more women to men . You know , what I'm saying . Men , if they want somebody , it's like they go find them by the time they're 25 , they're married or something like that . But it applies to men too . Like if you're single and you want somebody get in shape , like , cut your hair . You got chest hairs just coming all out of your shirt .
Speaker 2Men , women see everything . Yeah , a lot . We notice your fingernails , we're looking at your teeth , we're looking at your eyebrows .
Speaker 1We're looking at your ears . We're looking at it all , yeah cut them ears , Hair just growing out your ear . I mean get , you know , get , what is that stuff ?
Speaker 2We don't need you to men , women don't need you to be perfect Okay , but we just need you to not be gross . Okay , don't be gross .
Speaker 1Like iron your gloves , brother .
Speaker 2Don't do anything that makes us cringe and then we just gonna cringe away from you . But if you can just handle it , hold it down a little bit .
Speaker 1It's the same principle Be your best self .
Speaker 2Be your best self yeah .
Speaker 1And last but not least , number 10 is get a solid understanding of what marriage is all about . And I really feel like many single people . You know they wait till they get married to study marriage and I realized that there are some doors that you don't want to open too soon . But I wouldn't want to wait till I drive a car to learn how to drive a car , yeah , so if you want to be married , there are some principles and that's why we're very open with our podcast and even teaching marriage stuff on Sunday . People say well , there's a bunch of single people here . Single people don't want to wait till they're married to learn the principles of marriage .
Speaker 1And so I'm glad that single people love our podcast , because we're giving you the clue of what to do , more importantly , what not to do to have a successful relationship if it ever happens . For you . You know , yeah , and so you know , at least from a 30,000 foot view . No , stuff like okay , divorce is not an option . You know what I'm saying ? Family meetings , communication is important . I mean , you wanna know those things as a single , before you even get into marriage .
Speaker 2I think that's . I never thought about that before . But you know , if you're single and you're always reading all these books about being single , you're just learning about how to stay single . You know , but you will need to at one point if you At one point you gotta transition .
Speaker 1It's almost like okay , let's say there's nobody on the horizon , you just know maybe a little bit about marriage and you start dating somebody you might wanna look a little bit more . You start talking about engagement , you wanna know more . You know what I'm saying . It's almost like , but I don't want you just to come from single into married and you really don't know . I think we did that .
Speaker 2I don't know . I don't know if it's like . You know , I'm single and I read a book on marriage and all of a sudden I got some marriage spirit on me . That what am I gonna go fornicate and do something crazy ? Well , that's how people act , like .
Speaker 1They act like , oh , and we see it in the comments Like if we release something about sex , like Sex God's Way , sex God's Way , part one and two , y'all go check that out . Or five things every husband needs to know about improving his sex life , you'll see , well , I gotta stay away from that . Oh , I can't see that , and I guess I get it a little bit , because there are some intimate things that we're sharing that they can't experience or even apply right now . But I think the opposite is just this detrimental . Where people are like , oh , I don't wanna get like that spirit on me yet I'm single , I can't handle it . Like , no , you can't .
Speaker 2Maybe when it comes to detailed sex or something like that .
Speaker 1yeah , Well , we don't do that on this podcast . We talk about like regular stuff , like orgasms and , like you know , pleasing each other , not recognizing sex , and that ain't that deep . It's just biology . Honestly , it's not . It's not that deep Like we talk about penis , vagina If you don't know what a clitoris is and stuff like that , like this is anatomy . I don't know why we have made stuff so religious , like we're talking about anatomy .
Speaker 1I'm talking to my kids . I just talked to my 13 year old son about masturbation , about erections and ejaculations 12 years old . I'm talking to him about I'm using like anatomy terms . Like you're not gonna learn this in the locker room , bro .
Speaker 2You get an erection .
Speaker 1You need to know what that is . How many are you having ? Okay , this is what it is . This is what puberty is .
Speaker 2And if not , he's sitting around looking crazy Like , oh my God , what is going on ?
Speaker 1Yeah , but I just feel like , for some reason , when we talk about like intimacy and stuff like that , when I read the book of Solomon it's amazing to me .
Speaker 2He talks about the pomegranate .
Speaker 1That can almost be like oh , that's just too much for me . But you watching 50 shades of gray , it's like this is too much for you , but you watch rated R movies . So , no , no , this is not too much for you . It's gonna be okay . It's okay , you can hear this , but still keep yourself disciplined . And the church said amen , amen , we out of time for today . Guys , we love you so much and we hope that you enjoyed today's podcast .
Speaker 1If you did enjoy this content , let us know right now , by commenting , liking , sharing and even writing a review , your feedback . It blesses us . We'd love to know how this is being used to improve your life in God and the life of your relationship with the people that God has placed in your life . If you're new to our podcast , hit the subscribe button right now . We want you to join our family and be the first to get the content . We release new content every Thursday at 3 pm . If you wanna come hang with us , come to Orlando . We're having a live conference the second week and October tickets are going fast . Make sure that you get yours on today . And we love you , guys , and we'll see you real soon . Peace .