Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , what's up everybody ? Hey , everyone , so glad that you are tuning in to another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are your host . I'm Ken and this is Tabitha . We've been married for 24 years . Y'all . It's been the best 22 years of our lives . The first two years was absolutely horrible , but I've grown up a whole lot .
Speaker 1That's right baby , there you go .
Speaker 2I thought I was gonna come for you , then you girl , you've grown up .
Speaker 1And she has as well , cause she used to be crazy y'all , but nah , man , we're so excited to have you guys join us . You know we pray and say God , send the people to our podcast from around the world that can find value in this , and since the beginning , our vision for this podcast has been very simply to help you grow closer to God and also closer to the people that God has placed in your life , and so this podcast is for married people , those who are in relationships , and really is for everybody .
Speaker 1Anybody can extract the principles that we teach and apply them to your life , and hopefully they will add value . If you're newer to our podcast and you are a YouTuber , hit the subscribe button so that you can be the first to grab the content when it comes out . But today is a great one . Today is one that you wanna share with your children , you wanna share with your teenagers you wanna talk about in your small groups . Share with your pastors , because we're gonna give you some truth and love and we're gonna not give you our opinion about things . Today we're gonna try to give you as much of the Bible as we can and our perspective of what God's given us , but I just feel like there's gonna be freedom . Today's show is entitled Sexual Sins and how to Avoid them . Sexual Sins and how to Avoid them .
Speaker 1We live in a day and time where sexual sin is not just tolerated , it's actually promoted . It's being promoted in pop culture , and this ain't nothing new . This has been there for years . Matter of fact , it's been there for thousands of years . We see in the Bible that there was temple prostitution and worship of false gods , as they would have sex with one another . We see it in ancient Greece . We see it all throughout history . Men and women have had the temptation to use their sex drive in a way that the Bible calls sin , and it actually splinters their relationship with God . It actually damages them in many different ways , and Sodom and Gomorrah was a whole city that was destroyed because of sexual sin . A lot of what Paul wrote to the church of Corinth was warning against sexual sins . And so we on our podcast are just front door people and we're like what does the Bible say ? Because I don't care about what I think or what you think , I wanna know what the Bible says , and that's what we're gonna try to do today .
Speaker 2Absolutely . And you know , what I love about this podcast is that I think the reason why so many people enter into sexual just immorality of all kinds is because they don't know the truth . They don't know what's good , they don't know what's right . I know I didn't raise it . I wasn't raised in church . I didn't really know anything about God . I didn't know anything . I just did what I thought was the right thing to do . I didn't know what fornication was .
Speaker 1Can we start right there ? So , when you knew so , you didn't get saved until you was what 22 years old , 22 . And what did you think sin was back in the day ? Did you think that there was such a thing as sin ?
Speaker 2Let's start there . Yes , I thought that there was such a thing as I thought that sin was real and I thought that sin was something that was like really really bad . Like if you killed someone , that was sin . If you I don't know maybe hurt a child , that was sin . But that was my own definition . I didn't know what the Bible said .
Speaker 1So were you sinning at all , Absolutely ? But did you look at yourself as ?
Speaker 2sinning ? Oh no , because only bad people sinned , only bad people were sinners , and so if you were Since you didn't do those big things , since I didn't do those big things . And I didn't consider myself a bad person , and so I didn't consider myself . If I did something bad , it was okay .
Speaker 1Honestly , that's where a lot of people are . They just make up their own religion and what's okay with them . But when you judge yourself by yourself , you're not wise . And we're not to judge ourself based upon what we think is right and wrong . We're to judge ourself based upon God's word to us . And so I love to talk about sin , because sin actually opens up a door to the demonic for the believer , hinders our fellowship with God . Sin actually it creates oppression and different things that can come our way For the unbeliever . Sin keeps us separated from God because of his holiness and our sinfulness . And the truth is is that everyone who's listening , all of us , every person , we've all sinned , we've all fallen short of the glory of God , so we are all in need of a savior .
Speaker 1And that's why the gospel is good news , because it's good news that Jesus paid the price for our sin so that we could be forgiven . And so when we're talking about sin , most people have that different definition . They don't really know what it is .
Speaker 1They don't look at themselves they say well , I'm not as bad as so-and-so I'm a good person . But the truth is is that we're all sinners and we all have things that we need to turn away from , to turn to God . What about sexual immorality ? Did you think that that was a thing ? Did you feel like if we were having sex as a monogamous loving relationship but we're not married , what was your perspective ?
Speaker 2on pre-Jesus , I thought that was okay . As long as this was my boyfriend or as long as you were boyfriend , girlfriend in a relationship , it
was okay .
Speaker 1Right , and that's where most people in the world is , and I gotta tell you that sin , by definition , is missing the mark , meaning that God says do this , but we do this . God says , do this , but we make up our own way , we have our . He has a standard , but we don't live by his standard , we live by ours . That's what we call rebellion against God , sometimes just because of lack of knowledge , so you didn't know . Once you found out the truth , then you submitted yourself to the truth . Some people live that way because they don't know . Then some other people are just like I don't believe in God , or I don't believe that that's for me , or we make up so many different excuses . But that's what sin is , and sin has a cost , and the scripture says that the wages of sin is death . And so it's Satan's job to make sin look fun , it's his job to make it feel fun , it's his job to make it look attractive . But sin is not our friend . It has a cost , and so it's death , physically and also spiritually .
Speaker 2That's what sin does . It kills us , and I think some people make their own definition of what sin is and , especially when it comes to sexual immorality , they make their own definitions and they're good with it . Like you said , I found out . I remember when I found out that sex before marriage was wrong , you told me , because we were in a relationship and we were having sex , we were not married , and you said I feel bad about this , I think maybe we shouldn't do it . You know , you said I feel bad about this because the Bible says that we shouldn't have sex before we're married . And I said well , okay , let's not do it . And then you backed your way out of it because I was naive and didn't know anything about the Bible . And I listened to you , okay , and you said something about well , but I believe that . And you said what I already believed that .
Speaker 1Well , since we're boyfriend and girlfriend . Well , here's the deal . You didn't go into that story exactly how I would have told it , but we'll go there , since you're already there . Now here's the deal .
Speaker 1So when we first started dating , you wasn't saved . I was a Christian atheist . I defined that as a person who believes in God but lives like he doesn't exist . So I said I believed in God , but truthfully in my actions . If you were to line me up with 10 of my closest friends not an indictment towards them , but this is where I was- I drank like they drank , parted like they parted , slept around like they slept around .
Speaker 1But I said I believed in God , but you could not see it in my lifestyle . So when we got together I remember us dating . And if we died in a car accident , I didn't even know how to minister to you to bring you over into salvation . You would have just went to hell and I would have went to heaven , possibly maybe Thank you , jesus , but by the grace of God you know what I'm saying . So God couldn't use me because I didn't know enough and didn't want him enough .
Speaker 1He had to send two other strangers to your door . They knocked on your door . They had Bibles in their hands . They told you about Jesus , told me about Jesus In college . You've been diagnosed with a press for 10 years . They told you about Jesus . You accepted Jesus . You got born again , okay , and so here we are and we were broke up at that point . But then we got back together again and then one day I slipped up after you got saved , you're newly saved , and I could say slipped up because I didn't know the repercussions . I said I don't think we should be doing what we're doing . I don't think we should supposed to be having sex before marriage . The Bible says so . I knew it , but I took to the way . I didn't tell you and you was like well , we shouldn't do it then . And then I went into ninja manipulation mode .
Speaker 2You did and I fell for it .
Speaker 1Okay , what did I say ? Because my recollection because we all have different perspectives on the story , because it was 20 years ago , I don't know if I'm telling you . So my recollection is I start making up stuff like well , god will forgive us , it's gonna be okay , it ain't no big deal .
Speaker 2You know , we're sinners .
Speaker 1You know , that's just what sinners do . And then I said you know what we're gonna do after a while . I still had this conviction that wouldn't go away . I said why don't you come to my apartment and we're gonna have a ceremony in my apartment and we're gonna commit our hearts to God that we're gonna get married one day .
Speaker 2I don't remember that .
Speaker 1You don't remember that part . I don't remember that .
Speaker 2I just remember coming out of the conversation feeling like , well , that's what I thought in the first place . You didn't tell me anything new . So I thought , oh , we're boyfriend , girlfriend , we can have sex , it's not a big deal . Then you said , well , no , the Bible says it is a big deal . And then I said , okay , well , let's not do it . And then you said , well , no , it's really not a big deal . And I was like , okay , well , and I just , you know , duh .
Speaker 1Well , that's because , john chapter eight , it says the he who practices sin is actually the slave of sin . I was a slave to my sin and I didn't wanna let it go . When it comes to sexual immorality . There are many people that are slaves to their sin and in their heart . The commands of God have been written in their heart and they know that it's wrong , but they keep pushing his voice down , it's really good .
Speaker 1And that's where I was . For many years I protected my sexual immorality , I cherished my sexual immorality . I led you and others into sexual immorality with me because I knew it was wrong . But I wasn't really ready to submit to the Lordship of Jesus yet .
Speaker 2And that's where a lot of people are right now . But there's also there's some people in another place as well . So , like when I heard the truth of the gospel , I never , like maybe because of where I come from , you know , born and raised in the projects I didn't know a lot . I had to , you know , I just I didn't know anything about anything . So when I was presented with the gospel , I was actually in a place where I was searching for the truth . I didn't know any . I didn't have a mom , a dad , an aunt , an uncle , somebody , some authoritative figure in my life that I could go to that would tell me the truth . So when I heard the Bible , I considered the Bible as truth . And when I found out something , anything from the Bible , I took it as truth . But there are a lot of people who they have the mother and the father and the mentors , and they're at a certain level of success where even themselves , well , I can think articulately or I can speak . I can think intelligently about this issue .
Speaker 2So they have their own authority , their own opinions . They got their own truth , their own truth .
Speaker 1Now , here's the deal . This is what I tell people about truth , cause we live in a generation that's like , well , you need to live your truth . Are you living your truth ? I'm living my truth . You need to live your truth Really . What they're saying is do whatever you want to do , cause I'm going to do what I want to do , and the basis of that perspective is pride and sin . That's actually what sin is . The number one commandment in the satanic Bible is just do whatever you want to do . And so when you say , let you so , what they're saying is that truth is relative . Nobody can really know the truth .
Speaker 2And that's a lie .
Speaker 1The truth is God's word , and so John 17 , it says that your word is truth . Sanctify me by truth and your word is truth . And so the scripture also says that every man is a liar , and I know that the I think it's a psalmist was saying it and he's basically in a bad place , but I think the principle still holds true that without Jesus we are liars . Now , with Jesus , I'm a truth teller and a truth seeker , but without Jesus , I have a big capability to lie , and so my truth is a lie , your truth , the one that you say that you're going to live out , just live your truth .
Speaker 1That truth is a lie , cause the only way you can find truth is by going to God's word cause his word is truth , and when you go to the word of God , it says that the truth shall make you free . So Satan is a master liar , and all he's doing is making people believe that a lie is a truth and the truth is a lie , and so our job is to give truth to those who want it and cause it's truth that will make people free .
Speaker 1We can't shove the truth down people's throats . We can't say you gotta do it my way . No , God's made him a free will . You can go out and be sexually immoral , live in sin . You can do whatever you want to do . You can flip God to birth . God has given you a free will to do whatever you want to do , and it's of our good choice and maturity and intellect that I decide that there's somebody bigger than me .
Speaker 2And .
Speaker 1I submit to God's truth , and that's how I receive freedom . What's think about that ? Anything ?
Speaker 2I love it .
Speaker 1So when we talk about sexual immorality , guys , all right , we understand that it's super common , but sexual immorality is the banner , and under the banner are themes . Leviticus 18 gives us some real freaky-deaky stuff , a list of things that's considered sexual immorality . But from Genesis , the revelations , they're this and this ain't gonna be all inclusive , but they're bestiality , they're incest , it's fornication , adultery , it's homosexuality , it's lust , even lust of the heart , and also pornography is what I would say all falls under the banner of sexual immorality . And this is what scripture says about sexual immorality . First Thessalonians , chapter four , verse three . It says it is God's will that you should be sanctified that word means holy and set apart . That you should avoid sexual immorality , all those things that I just listed . That each of you should learn to control your own body in a way that's holy and honorable , not impassionate lust like the pecans who don't even know God . And in this manner , no one should longer take advantage of a brother or sister . Now , that's what I was doing , I'm sorry . Okay , 20 years , I'm sorry , I was taking advantage .
Speaker 1The Lord will punish all those who commit such sins . That's why our marriage sucked . I was being punished , as we told you before and we warned you before , for God didn't call us to be impure , but to live a holy life . Anything , jump out to you from first Thessalonians
.
Speaker 2You know there was something you said about holy and honorable . What is it to bring our bodies ?
Speaker 1Yeah , in a way that is holy and honorable .
Speaker 2Wow , I think that's what stuck out to me .
Speaker 1It's just like what part about it .
Speaker 2Just to , we're talking about truth , you know , it's just . I don't know every person , whether you're a man or woman , married or unmarried , we all have to bring our bodies into subjection to live holy and honorable , Honorable , Holy and honorable .
Speaker 1It just Set apart , sanctified , submit it to God's will . Honorable In a way that we honor God . So we can either honor God with our bodies or we can dishonor God with our bodies .
Speaker 1That's the choice . So for years I lived a life where I dishonored God with my body and my sexuality and I did not know . Well , I did know , but I didn't want anything to do with it . Thank God , all right that since we've gotten married , I've been honoring God with my body , and I would say this because I'm not . So I live a life that's sexually pure .
Speaker 1But it's not just because I'm married , because I think a lot of single people think that well , it's easy for you to say you live sexually pure because you're married now and y'all get to have sex . Well , if you're single , the scripture says that you should be practicing abstinence . That's sex with zero people . Now I got married , but I can have sex with one person , but there's hundreds of thousands , if not millions , of people that are around here that you could be tempted to have sex with .
Speaker 1The same way that I have to control my sex drive when I'm single is the same way that I have to control my sex drive when I'm married . Yes , we get to have sex , but I have to still have it inside of the parameters that God said , inside of the guidelines , and so always tell people that you have a sex drive , but don't let your sex drive drive you . Seven billion people all around the world , we all have been born with a sex drive . Here's the key you have authority over your sex drive . Don't let your sex drive drive you . You gotta drive it . And so for me , thank God that now I can live a life that's sexually pure , because I do wanna do that . Holy and honorable .
Speaker 1Absolutely , you know what sticks out to me In first Thessalonians . What's that ? It says that you should learn to control your body .
Speaker 2Woo think about it .
Speaker 1you can learn this Because some people feel like well , I just that's not the way I am , that's not how I was born .
Speaker 2You can actually learn this one you have to obey the urge .
Speaker 1Yeah , you can grow in this . We can learn to control your body , you can learn to . God is actually expecting us to control those natural appetites , those drives , those lustings , those cravings . You say , well , I've just feel like I'm in a fight . Yeah , it's a fixed fight , it's called the fight of faith . Will it ever go away ? I'm not sure . As long as you're this side of heaven , you got a flesh to deal with . But you can learn to control your body . It's okay .
Speaker 1You're absolutely right , and so out of the banner of sexual immorality . There's three that I wanna focus on today .
Speaker 2And .
Speaker 1I wanna define them , I wanna break them down and then I wanna offer some freedom . This is what I feel like God gave us , like our whole gig is all right . I feel like God told me to offer off ramps to people that are looking for them , meaning that the world is like go out , do whatever you wanna do , have sexual freedom and do whatever you wanna do whoever you wanna do it with . And there's people in the world that's gonna live like the world . I can't do none about that . I'm not trying to make the world live like a Christian . They're gonna live like the world . If you are unsaved , I have one message for you Jesus loves you and he died for your sins .
Speaker 1And you are a sinner in need of a savior . I am not trying to tell you to live like me . I don't expect unsafe people to live like saved people .
Speaker 2So when you say so , the world is saying just do whatever you want . And there are a whole lot of people who are in it right now . They're just doing whatever they want .
Speaker 1Whatever they wanna do .
Speaker 2But what's the off ramp ?
Speaker 1The off ramp is to say I'm gonna do it God's way , I'm not gonna do it my way , it's not too late .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's not too late . It don't matter what you've done , it don't matter where you are in your sexuality . It's not too late to submit to the Lordship of Jesus and say my way sucks or it's . Maybe you even love your way , but you know that your way is sin . I'm gonna do it God's way . This is what I know about God's way . God's way is always gonna be better than our way .
Speaker 1The scripture says that there is a way that seems right to men , but the end of it is destruction . There is ways that seem they appear right , it feels right . Everybody else is telling me I got a whole group of people that is telling me that it's right , but that don't make it right . It appears right , but the end of that way is death and destruction and the wages of sin is death . And I actually kind of wish somebody would have told me that stronger back in the day . I mean , I grew up in church and I have some great people around me and maybe I wasn't listening , but I don't remember . Let's just say , when I went to church , nobody given it to me straight . No , chaser , listen , that sin and you're worth the wait . You're better than that . God has something better for you and I just want to offer that to people today .
Speaker 2Amen .
Speaker 1So , anyway , let's break these down . We're going to look at three of them today . We're going to look at fornication , adultery , homosexuality . Then we're going to pray for you and give you some off ramps , but I'm going to do Ephesians four , our whole tone . And this is us . We love people . I don't care who you are , I don't care what you've done , we're going to love you .
Speaker 1And the scripture talks about giving truth and love , truth and love . And I think there are some people who give love , or they think they're loving person , a person , but they're not giving them truth . That's not love at all , because love and truth needs to go together . And some people just give truth and they don't give love . Love and truth needs to go together . I love people enough that , even if I misunderstood , I love them enough to give them the truth , because I'm so glad somebody else gave me truth . So fornication , what is it ? It is sex with somebody without being married to them . Now I'm going to read a scripture telling what you get out of it . Colossians three and five says therefore put to death your members which are on the earth . Fornication , uncleanness , passion , evil , desire , covetness , which is all idolatry , anything . Stick out to you .
Speaker 2Oh , the fact that it's idolatry .
Speaker 1Talk to me about that .
Speaker 2Because I think we focus on oh , I want to put these things to death because it's I don't know , maybe I shouldn't do it . Or you think about it's almost like you're missing out on something , but when you look at it again , the truth in that these things can be idolatry , a form of worship .
Speaker 1But what you just said is actually the reason that people fall into temptation . I'm about to do this message on how to overcome temptation because there's a lot of people . They just feel so tempted and they just give into the temptation . But if you look at the beginning of temptation , which is Genesis , chapter three , I believe , when the serpent comes to Eve , his temptation was to make her think she was missing out , that God was holding something back from her . And that's what people they think that God , no , I'm gonna have sex this way because God's holding something back from me .
Speaker 1This feels too good . Why would he not want me to be in love ? This is the love of my life . This is the person . This is what I feel . This is what it makes me feel like my marriage is this and I'm getting taken care of . My needs are getting met over here , because you think that God's way is actually less than when . Truthfully , it's more than , and so God , the commands of God are not grievous or burdensome . Therefore , our help , not our hurt . Anyway , adultery let's talk about this one . Adultery is sex between a married person with another person that's not their spouse . So it's like we're married but I go sleep with somebody else or you go sleep with somebody else .
Speaker 1Proverbs 632 says whoever commits adultery with a woman lacks understanding , and he who does so destroys his own soul . Wow , anything stick out to you from there .
Speaker 2Lacks understanding . I think the reason why we do things that are unholy is because we lack understanding . If we really knew the result of what we were doing , if we really knew that it was idolatry , if we really knew that we were forming ungodly soul ties , we would not do it .
Speaker 1Forget all that . If you really knew you was about to destroy your whole marriage and your kids were gonna be separated and you were gonna be paying alimony and child support for the rest of your life and lose your reputation just cause you wanted to get your rocks off for a minute . Like if you really knew that ? Like no , I'm specifically thinking of people who have cheated and I'm thinking to myself you cheated with somebody who was just some little skanky little like oh my God , where did your wife has got their stuff together just because of oh , if you really knew how that was gonna destroy your soul , not just for men , but for women as well . Like , come on , man , what are you thinking ?
Speaker 2I don't know . I just kind of pictured , as you know , there's this temptation there and it's almost like it's such a , it's such a trick of the enemy . But you feel like you know you've been tricked by the enemy , but it's almost like you just taken a gun and shooting yourself Like you know , like not suicide , but like you know , you just like punch yourself in the face , like it's just you do this to yourself , like you are hurting yourself 100% .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , oh man , I got so much to share on that one . I don't know . I mean cause it is . It's really hurting yourself .
Speaker 2The two have become one .
Why do people cheat on each other ? They get married , all right , Because if you wanna sleep around , why don't you just stay single ? Not that it was better , but I mean . But it's better than being married and sleeping around . So , why is that , you think ?
Speaker 2I don't know . I think there's a whole bunch of reasons . I think some people are just immature and she'd never been married in the first place .
Speaker 1Some people are selfish , you're only thinking about yourself .
Speaker 2And I think some people , like you know , people are , have been married for years and are great people , you know , like good people , but they let down their guards . They , you know , yeah , they've been deceived . They didn't , you know , practice the principles , like you know . Why are you with a woman other than your wife alone in the car at 10 o'clock at night ?
Speaker 1The most common deception is that when my needs aren't being met at home , and so then you start to look to get your needs met outside of the covenant relationship , and all that is is a lie .
Speaker 2And you team up with the devil .
Speaker 1Yeah . But I mean , if the devil's gonna send you somebody , you know the scripture says that the adulteress looks for the precious life . So if you're born again Christian and you're married , you are more attractive than you ever have been to the adulteress . So there's somebody that you work with that you would never think that you would be able to get with . That you probably can get with just because you're the precious life . There's somebody that you think is way out of your shooting range . That's gonna try to slide you something because you're just the precious life . You actually have an anointing on your marriage that the devil hates and he wants to destroy .
Speaker 2Wow .
Speaker 1And so has there ever been a time you wanted to cheat on me ?
Speaker 2Yeah , no , there has not been a time where I wanted to cheat on you .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2In 24 years .
Speaker 1Okay , let it out right now . The question was loaded . You just you looked at me with such a sincere point in your face that I'm like I know you didn't see that will come in , so I'm like , okay , let's see what she's gonna say .
Speaker 2But you know , like no , I can honestly like I'm thinking too , but like no , no , I don't , I don't know . Like , if I think about I remember one time I had a dream that I cheated on you and the feet . Like I remember it to this day , like if I don't remember the details . I just what was it ?
Speaker 2No , I don't say it there was not a person like I don't . It wasn't a person . It wasn't like that , like I was with a person cheating on you . I just remember that I was having to tell you . I remember what it felt like like that . I remember seeing your face and feeling like I'm so sorry , like I don't know why it was , but it was just in this dream . I felt terrible .
Speaker 1So I have a question why didn't you ever tell me that dream ?
Speaker 2Probably because it was horrible , like a terrible dream , like you know , like I rebuked that in Jesus . It wasn't that kind , you know , it was just like no , I rebuked that , but it was just yeah , it just felt really , really bad and I think I felt bad between , first of all , me and God , like , oh God , I like I just would never want to do that to God , I never want to break covenant with God .
Speaker 1I mean honestly . Honestly , it wouldn't surprise me if you've been tempted to , because just because you're tempted to do something doesn't mean that that's who you are . It's just like when Jesus was tempted those three times in the wilderness he was tempted but he didn't ever sin , he didn't get to the temptation . I just feel like people don't know how to handle those the temptation . So you're married . Satan wants to come after your marriage . So if you're tempted with somebody at work doesn't mean that you have to take the enticement . You don't have to bite the bait , you don't have to take the hook . You know what I'm saying ? Like it's not a sin because you're being tempted . Just don't step towards that sin .
Speaker 1Don't dwell on that sin , all that kind of stuff .
Speaker 2I mean I have a host of questions that I'd love to ask you , like I mean we could get into why I feel like I want to ask you back , because you say now that you say like that , you know , because you're tempted and stuff , and I'm like well , what is your definition of tempted ? No , I've never been able to know , I've never been tempted to cheat on you . Like the thought is like no , I've never felt like , oh , is this is a decision ? Okay , I'm going to you know , like , I've never felt like that . Have I been attracted to people ? Probably , but have you ever been tempted to cheat on me ? Now , I know in the beginning .
Speaker 2Yes , but I'm talking about like as a man of God , like as as a person living
out your faith .
Speaker 1The question is not really a fair question because when you say tempted . What do you mean by tempted ?
Speaker 2Well , that's what I'm asking you .
Speaker 1You're saying like I want to get a number tempted , want to look tempted , or like right Walked somewhere and been like tempted oh , who's that ? Or something like that .
Speaker 2I'm not going to get a problem because temptation ? Because when you asked me I immediately thought like I'm in the bed with somebody cheating on you . Absolutely not . I know I'm not going to say , but the temptation doesn't start in the bed , temptation starts with . I'm attracted to them . Oh , they look good . Oh , I shouldn't let them have my number , but I did . Oh , I shouldn't be having lunch with them , but I am .
Speaker 1I'll say this the only one that comes to mind is that we had a a a big disagreement , and I was by myself and I was walking through Miami .
Speaker 2It is about to go down . It's about to go down . And there was .
Speaker 1I was walking through a restaurant and I had this temptation like a hey , look at her . But that was all , and I would say that I mean that's probably pretty common .
Speaker 2She was fine .
Speaker 1No , I'm just . I will flip this table over .
Speaker 2I am not playing yeah .
Speaker 1Well , you know , I mean , I think we could do a lot of talks about you know . One thing I was thinking is why do men cheat ? But , I also think why do women cheat and I think it's both , it's equal to people's needs are not being met . They don't handle the temptation , they don't understand the warfare . If I go back to that moment , it was like , probably at my lowest , we had just had this disagreement about something and I was by myself . I was in Miami , it was already freaky .
Speaker 2Why are we in Miami ?
Speaker 1Don't , don't , don't even worry about it , Cause we're in Miami . That's where we did . We go to Miami and it was just . It's just one of those things where I think people understanding that like normalizing temptation , because we live in a very bubble . We live in a big bubble . You're looking at me like you're upset .
Speaker 2I'm trying to figure out whether I am or not .
Speaker 1Yeah , there's no need to be upset , and that's the thing . Let me park right here for a minute because , as a wife , you want to create a space of safe place for your husband to be your friend and to say things and the only reason and I'm not saying that he should say everything Like . I just talked to my therapist about this and I was like hey , do you tell your wife every time you're attracted to somebody ? He was like no , you know what I'm saying . Like why do you think that a person will want to hear that you just , I mean , even if she's the most strong , confident person in the world ? That is not like .
Speaker 1You have counselors , you have , and so always had this thing of like hey bro , if you're attracted to somebody , why don't you tell your wife she can help you ? I want to start to retract that a little bit and say try to determine your wife's temperament or your spouse's temperament . Some things you need to talk to your pastor about or the counselor about , some things you just need to cast down , because there's no need to sow seeds and like build a person's insecurity for no reason . So you're not insecure just because you don't want to hear that .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1So , but at the same time , you want to create a space where we can just talk , and you already know my character .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1So , instead of breaking down Miami and who you were with and who she was with and what her size was , so you know , some women would definitely go there and men , you know , but they would definitely .
Speaker 2This would be done . This conversation would have been over with .
Speaker 1Right , but if you know my character , I'm telling you the story .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1I'm telling you the story because the story means nothing to me , and but it's very normal and it's like . So what ? What I'm trying to do is bring stuff out of the dark into the light , to say this is common among man . There is not just men like among mankind . There's nothing new under the sun . You can look at David , you can look at Solomon , you can look at Samson .
Speaker 1You can look at all these people . Why are you looking at Bathsheba at the time where kings are supposed to be out at war ? Okay , let's get men together in small groups and let's talk about it . And maybe , ladies maybe you feel like you can't handle that conversation or maybe it's not even for you .
Speaker 2But in some place .
Speaker 1I don't know if I need to start an all men's podcast . We need to talk about what's in the dark , bring it to the light , normalize it and deal with it and keep it underneath our feet . And so for me , just for those of you all who are newer to our podcast , my wife and I we've been married for 24 years . For the last 22 years I've not even flirted with another woman , watched no pornography in 22 years . Don't plan on starting anytime today , by the grace of God . I'm not saying that as a resume builder . I'm saying that as I have a track record in what I'm saying , so I'm not just throwing out theories . This stuff is tried and proven , and when you know that about a person there should be able , you know what I'm saying . Like I gotta get off of it . But man , there was just . There's just so much stuff that I could talk about with that .
Speaker 1Why do men cheat ? Why do women cheat ? I think it goes down to something's not being met . They're letting their guards down . They're not revering their body as a temple of God . Blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah , blah . Have you ever been tempted with same sex stuff ?
Speaker 2depends on your definition , attempted . No , I think we just had a conversation like a little while , when I was saying like I never thought that . I just realized that I think I was tempted with same sex , like attraction , and because I remember at one point I was just like it just in my conscious , I was waking , we were actually at dinner and there was a waiter and they were just like talking and talking and I was just like , oh , you know , she's nice , I'm talking to her and just like I'm not thinking anything . But as she walked away , I began to think like , oh , wow , she looks like she's kind of dressed like a guy in that lifestyle . And I was thinking , wow , I can see how people are attracted to each other . I can see how another woman would be attracted to her or whatever . I'm sitting there thinking , thinking , and before I could , my next thought was Lord , you know like wow . Then I began to repent .
Speaker 2I was like I had a thought Anyway , that's just me , but yeah .
Speaker 1For me it's more like listen , you ain't gotta feel bad because you have thoughts , but you do need to bring every thought captive and make it obey Christ , and that's what you did . But I think we need to normalize some of it , because we live in a media driven age and this stuff is being shoved down our throat . Women kiss another woman , I kissed a girl and I liked it . I mean this stuff has been going on for eons . I mean not just here recently . I mean you can go back and study ancient emperors who had there was this one emperor that I think was married to a 12 year old boy and pedophilia and homosexuality , all of these things . This is not a new spirit , this is a very old thing . And so if you're a person that feels like , well , I'm so holy , so forth , so , and I never be tempted , well it's probably because you're not in the world really winning people or not doing anything where you're being targeted by the enemy . But for me , I love talking to influencers and people who are successful , people that love Jesus .
Speaker 1And be like here are the traps , don't fall in it . Here's the scheme , watch out for it . Here's the tactic . Here how it's gonna come .
Speaker 1This is how it's gonna feel , you know you don't have to fall into it . So when you tell me that I think nothing about it at all , I'm thinking like , okay , we'll cast that down , keep on moving . And I think , because some people like , oh my God , I had a same sex thought , could I be a lesbian ? And then they go down this thing and then they start watching God knows if they're watching pornography , or they have other people that you know is their friend , and so forth and so on . They're just allowing the enemy to open up these doors .
Speaker 2It's the same way I think about smacking somebody . It's the same way I say okay , I'm not gonna smack them . Yeah , I do have random thoughts .
Speaker 1I can sit on the beach and I see a purse over there . I say what would happen if I stole that person's purse and just ran off with it ? Why would you do that ?
Speaker 1I don't know why there's just an inner thief and I've never stolen anything before . And you gotta know the difference between your spirit and flesh . We have to move on . So now we're at homosexuality , and can I define this one ? The characteristic of being sexually or romantically attracted to a person of the same sex . Watch what the Bible says , first Corinthians , chapter six . If you're ready , say I'm ready , ready . Or do you not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God ? Do not be deceived , and that's what we're talking about today being deceived . Neither the sexually immoral , nor the idolaters , nor the adulterers , nor men who have sex with men , nor the thieves , nor the greedy , nor the drunkards , nor the slanderers , nor the swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God .
But I like verse 12 , 11, . It says but this is what some of you were being past tense , this is what some of you were . But you were washed , you were sanctified , you've been justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God . Anything stick out to you from that .
Speaker 2I love what you love , but this is what you were .
Speaker 1This is what you were . This is what you were , so you can't change .
Speaker 2Maybe it's capable , it's possible for you to change .
Speaker 1You can be living in sexual immorality that the Bible calls it , and you can change . You can change from sexual immorality to sexual purity . You can control your sex drive . All right , and so .
Speaker 2And then also the simple fact that the Bible lists that as sin , that it is actual sin .
Speaker 1Yeah , this is not something that preachers or Christians are making up . This is not the original intent of God . The original intent of God was a male and a female . The reproductive organs say that genetically there's certain things , that this is the natural course , matter of fact . I'll read you one more scripture . All right , romans , chapter one , verse 24 says "'Therefore God gave them over to sinful desires" . Now that scares me .
Speaker 1He gave them over to sinful desires of their hearts , to sexual impurity , for the degrading of their bodies with one another . They exchanged the truth about God for a lie okay , and they worshiped and served created things rather than the creator , who is forever praised . Amen , because of this . This is Romans 126 . God gave them over to shameful lust . Even their women exchanged natural sexual relations for unnatural ones . In the same way , the man also abandoned natural relations with other women and were inflamed with lust one for another . Men committed shameful acts with other men and received in themselves the dupenolty for their error . Furthermore , just as they did not think it worthwhile to retain the knowledge of God , god gave them over to a depraved mind so that they do what ought not be done . What's your takeaway on that ?
Speaker 2Wow , I think it's for me . When I read this , it makes me appreciate what we're doing on the podcast once again , just to put the truth out there , because some people have not heard the truth . Some people maybe heard the truth one time , but then how ? You gave me the truth like hey , we shouldn't have sex before marriage , and then you took it back .
Speaker 1Can I interject ? Not only that , there are people online and around the world that are twisting truth . I'm talking about churches that are twisting truth . They are basically coming up with stuff that , oh , this is not what it originally meant . If you went back to the Greek , this is what it meant , and they're actually trying to use exegesis and hermeneutics to dispute that in its complete foolishness . It's complete false doctrine . I'm according to God's word homosexuality is a sin , Just like fornication just like adultery , just like this duality , it's not hate speech .
Speaker 1It's not hate speech . This is actually love speech . And we love people enough . Now , if people are upset with that , it's okay , live how you wanna live , but there's people looking for the off ramps , anything else . For Romans 1 , 24 , jump out to you , you know . It says that they exchanged a truth for a lie .
Speaker 1And then it says that God gave them over to believe the lie , and I think that there are communities in groups of people that they love their sin more than their savior , so much that God says if that's what you won't believe , that is true . He actually has given them over to believe that a lie is a truth and the truth is a lie , and that's a sad place to be , that's what it means to have a depraved mind .
Speaker 1The scripture also calls it a reprobate mind . A reprobate mind is where , now , it's Ichabod , the presence of God , has lifted , and God says I turn you over to believe that a lie is the truth . That's not where you wanna be , that's not where we want people that we love .
Speaker 2Not people listening to this podcast .
Speaker 1That's not God's best for us . And so , from these two here now , if you look at homosexuality , it's throughout the Bible and this is not heterosexual people trying to make homosexuals heterosexuals . Please don't hear it that way . This is sinners trying to make sinners holy . So the goal is not your heterosexuality . The goal , if you are a believer , is holiness . Okay , and so Romans , chapter two , verse 14 , it says even Gentiles who don't have God's written law , so that they know his law instinctively , by obeying it even without having heard it , they demonstrate that God's law is written in their hearts for their own conscience , and thoughts either accuse them or tell them that they're doing right .
Speaker 1I like this scripture because it says that God's laws have been written in our heart . And this is a word for somebody who's listening . And you've been dealing with same-sex attraction and you've been in the same-sex relationship and you have an inkling , you have some conviction , but you've been pushing it down because of popular opinion . You've been pushing it down because of your people group . But God is saying don't push that down , because that's my voice . And you say , well , we can't just pray this away , we can't counsel it away . Listen , because we're not supposed to do that . We're supposed to submit to what he said because his laws are written in our heart . Here's the challenge . We all have a moral compass . That's what that means God's laws , meaning that we all have a level of morality , but some people's moral compass has been broken because of this fallen , sinful world that we're in .
Speaker 1Okay now , over generations . You can see , even in this nation , that there were certain things you couldn't do on TV Because of the desensitization . Now we like . We see people fornicating or sleeping in the same bed together , it's no big deal . We play video games . We see people get murdered it's no big deal . Now Satan uses pop culture to desensitize us , the sin to where we will swallow the pill , as this is how things are supposed to be , and it breaks our moral compass . All right .
Speaker 1So you usually don't have to go far . You can go to anybody in the world , any religion , any people group , and you say , hey , is it okay if I open up a gun and just shoot everybody ? Everybody , 100% , will say no . Well , how are you to tell me that it's wrong ? We have God's laws written in our heart . We all have a sense of morality . We know what's up and we know what's down .
Speaker 1If we say , is it okay if I go here and do this ungodly thing ? We say no , right , because we all have a sense of morality . So there is a good and an evil , all right . But we just can't make up our own good and evil because our moral compasses have been broken . We have to go to his word , for his word is truth . And so what I would tell the heterosexual and the homosexual in every person listening , that is , if you submit your life to Jesus , you submit your life to his word . So that includes your spirit , soul , body and your sexuality , everything you are . You say God , I give it to you , not what I want , but what you want . God , help me , want what you want , you understand .
Speaker 2Yes , it's so true and I think sometimes I love it that God's word , his command , is written on our hearts and we live in a space today where there are a lot of people who feel condemned about maybe homosexuality or anything like that .
Speaker 2They feel condemned about what they're doing but they kind of feel like it's because of maybe the Christians or the people who don't believe , they just want me to be like this and they're just wrong and they're making me feel condemned . And I would argue that it's not that , even though there are some mean people out there I mean , if you can be homosexual or whatever and I don't agree with you , that doesn't mean I don't love you . I can love you but still disagree with you and treat you kind and your kid , play with my kid on the playground like I'm still gonna , like I'm a believer , I'm Christian . You know I'm still gonna love you , but I don't have to agree with you . But I think that . So there are mean people out there , but that's not why people feel incomplete , that's not why we're fighting for legislation and all these laws and stuff . You feel like that because God's command has been written on your heart .
Speaker 1Deep down , deep down , deep down in your soul . You know it's not right .
Speaker 2And you can , you can . There's nothing you can do .
Speaker 1You can rally , you can put all kinds of protests and pickets around it , but deep down in your soul you know , because God's laws is written in our heart , and I'm saying that as a person who's been a sinner and lived a life of sexual morality . And I pushed that down okay for years , and I made up excuses of why I did what I did but , I , couldn't push it down no longer and that's really why we got married .
Speaker 1When we got married , you know , I turned 21 in May of 1999 and got married in July , two months after I turned 21 . And people was like you know why y'all get married so young . Is she pregnant ? I was like pregnant with possibilities and I said , oh God , I just can't take it no more .
Speaker 1I gotta do what's right and I wish that I had a church back then , because I didn't have a real church home and I didn't have a real pastor and we could have done . But our marriage was hurting for the first two years . But , I still glad that I obeyed , because I just had to step out of sin . I didn't know enough to try to live sexually pure . All I knew was like it's better to marry than to burn . So we're about to get married and we'll figure it out later and , by the grace of God , we've been together 24 years .
Speaker 2And I think , some people . If you're stuck in a sexually immoral situation . There's those who are in homosexuality and homosexual relationships . There are those who are engaged and boyfriend , girlfriend , you got kids and you live together and like your marriage . Those are all sexually immoral situations . You can feel like , oh my gosh , what do I do now ? Well , how do I get out ? It's just like we were like you got married , you gotta do what you gotta do .
Speaker 1You know what I mean , but God is with you , you take one step at a time .
Speaker 2Your road might not look like anybody else's road , but as long as you put God first and he's with you , you can be okay .
Speaker 1I love people enough to tell them the truth . If you are fornicating and your boyfriend and your girlfriend and you're sleeping together , if somebody cannot respect your boundaries , then there's somebody better for you . You either somehow create some disciplines and say , hey , we got to curfew , we need some accountability partners . If you keep on messing up , you might say , listen , we need to bring this relationship to an end , you know . Or we need to get married . If you're living together , I know it's a whole financial thing now .
Speaker 1And it's like my God , we got kids together . We got okay , but you're still not doing it right .
Speaker 2So either you go over to your cousins or your best friends and sleep on their couch and you put him out or put her out , or you get married you know I'm not saying you gotta go get married , but you don't have to spend $100,000 on a wedding ?
Speaker 1No , no , I mean like in our church , if you're a part of our church , we'll marry you . And in the office you know what I'm saying I mean there is some premarital counseling and things that you , some steps that you wanna take . But I mean , like , make it right , you're in a homosexual relationship ? Okay , it's up to you to make it right . I can't make it right for you . You gotta live life based upon your convictions , your revelation , not based upon another person . But anyway , I'll give you a few things and then we'll be done the day of how to avoid sexual sin , how to kinda get rid of it . Number one you gotta admit to yourself that sexual sin is actually sin , and for some people this is news . They didn't know that it was sin . You know . They said well , you just can't help who you love .
Speaker 1You better help who you love . You can't love my wife and you can't love my 14 year old daughter . You , 65 years old . You gotta help who you love now . Okay , so you gotta admit that if it misses God's word , then it's sin Number two , and you gotta be willing to embrace the truth .
You know a lot of people reject truth , a lot of people attack the truth , but actually you have to embrace truth , because it's only truth that'll make you free . Okay , number three , you gotta take authority over your sex drive . Realize that you have one , but it should not be driving you . Now , if you are a believer , the same power that rose Jesus from the dead lives in your spirit . That same power that Jesus walked around for with infallible proofs and said oh death , where is your sting ? That power lives on the inside of you .
Speaker 1If you have power over those things , you have power over your sex drive . Number four you gotta get help where it's needed , okay , and so sometimes you need to go through a small group . You need to get some counseling . You gotta put some accountability around you . You're gonna need some help Now for those of you all who are here and you're wanting to be free from sexual immorality .
Speaker 1I want you to know that it might not be easy . You know I'm coaching several people right now coming out of a same sex environment and a lifestyle , and it's a fight . It's a fight Now . I'm with them in the fight . The Holy Spirit is with them in a fight . God's with them in the fight , and I let people know that it's a fight . It's not because I don't want you to be sucker punched like this is gonna be easy You're talking about . You're gonna need the help of the Lord , but this is what I believe there's nothing too hard for the Lord . Now , this is not something that you can make a person do . They are in a fight for holiness and it's not a fight that you've got to be like oh , but it's just . It's just should they have to fight all their life ? I got to fight all my life . I got to fight all my life that when I go to Miami not to go sleep with some chick on the corner that I don't know and come home to my wife for 25 , 30
Speaker 1years , 35 , 40 years . I'm in a fight , you're in a fight , we're all in a fight because we have a flesh that is not saved and the Bible says that if you live by the flesh , you'll die , but if you , by the spirit , put the death , the deeds of the body , then you'll live . And people don't understand that . They say , look , just go , do whatever you want to do . No , I will mess up everything and everybody . We don't want to do what I want to do , I want to do what he wants me to do . And number five , last but not least , give your heart to Jesus , because you really can't live sexually pure without the power of God . You're not going to be able to live like a Christian without being one . Being a Christian is not saying I'm a perfect person . It's saying that I'm a surrendered one and I'm a forgiven one . And I would love just to take an opportunity to give people a chance to invite Jesus in . You know , all it is is a step of faith where you just say , jesus , I surrender my life to you . I'm making a choice not to believe in myself , but I'm going to believe in you , that you died for my sins . And if that's you and you're watching . You don't have to close your eyes if you're driving or something , but if you could just whisper this prayer with me say , lord Jesus , coming to my heart today , forgive me of my sins . From this day forward , I turn to you , away from me , and I turn to you . Thank you for forgiving me In Jesus' name , amen . If you prayed that prayer , we believe you got born again and this is your birthday . It's a spiritual birthday . You want to party like it's your birthday ? Go to Dairy Queen , get yourself some ice cream . Let other people know that you're born again . In the Greek that means born from above . Now the power of God lives on the inside of you . It doesn't mean that it's over . Your walk with God actually has just begun . You are a new baby in Christ , so now you need the milk of the word of God .
Speaker 1Here's my suggestion Get the Matthew , mark , luke and John . Study the gospel . Read a chapter a day . Find a good Bible teaching church that loves holiness . Get fully involved there , okay , and then God is gonna lead you and guide you through the rest . We're gonna be here for you . You're not alone .
Thank you so much for tuning in to doing life with Ken and Tabitha , I pray that you receive the truth today and the truth will make you free . If you need an off ramp , we're gonna be here for you , to coach you , to help you , to pray for you , for those of you all who is like I , won't out of this sexual immorality . I'm done with this lifestyle . We declare who the sun sets free is free . Indeed , glory to God . Would you share your story with us ? Would you email us ? Just let us know who you are and how this broadcast today has touched you and enlightened you . I mean , if you're new to our broadcast , hit the subscribe button so that you can be the first to get the content . Every Thursday , it is released at 3 pm . We got some great content that's coming up next week and so you wanna stay tuned for it . Hey , we love you guys .
Speaker 1Thank you for tuning in to doing life with Ken and Tabitha .
Speaker 2Peace .