Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , hey hey , what's up everybody .
Speaker 2Hey , hey .
Speaker 1Welcome to another edition of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha .
Speaker 2And Tabitha .
Speaker 1Before we came on air , we were singing this oldie . But , goodie , if you know what it is , I need you to comment below . Some of y'all too young to know what it is , but the hook , and we actually gonna do some harmony this is an exclusive .
Speaker 1This is a Ken and Tabitha exclusive about to happen . We are singing two part harmony and it goes Right here , be right here , no fear . Love is here . Be right right here , be right here . We got no fear . We got no fear why ? Cause love is here . That's the best that it gets . We've never done it before . We did it for you because we love you guys . I can barely get it out .
Speaker 1Oh man , we're welcome to our show today , guys . Hopefully you're having a good day like we are right now . This is season two of our podcast . We pray all the time and say , god , please let people around the world who need this podcast find this podcast . That's right , and I hope that you guys are ready to see that it brings great value to your life , as we share with you our ups downs and all of our silliness , in hopes that you grow closer to God and closer to the people that God has placed in your life .
Speaker 2You know , I'm hearing great testimonies of people who listen to our podcast and they're just using it as inspiration for their lives .
Speaker 2I met a lady at a women's conference just recently and she wanted to take a picture with me and this is why she wanted to take the picture , because she told her husband oh , I'm about to go see Tabitha , hey , I'm gonna talk to her and I'm gonna tell her this . And he was trying to play her out like , yeah , whatever , you're not gonna be able to talk to her , you're not gonna be able to get up close to her , or whatever . Okay , if you see her , tell her . I said hi . So she told me this whole story and I was like girl , come on , let's take this picture . And we were like mm .
Speaker 1The peace . There you go I wish you had her name , because now we will shout her out .
Speaker 2I actually just forget it . She told me her name , but it was so good , it was so fun , that's awesome .
Speaker 1I was on a plane and somebody was . I was sitting there in my seat , I was already seated and somebody was walking past and it was like Ken , from Ken and Tabitha . It was like so now we're known as Ken and Tabitha . I no longer have a first name .
Speaker 2It is just Ken and Tabitha . Maybe that's all you need .
Speaker 1But anyway , we got some exciting things coming up . First off tonight , everybody say tonight .
Speaker 2Tonight .
Speaker 1Which is January the 25th , at 6 pm . We are having our first live webinar and we would love for you to join us in about three hours we're doing our first question and answer . Ask Pastor Ken and Ken and Tabitha , of course .
Speaker 2Ask Ken and Tabitha and we're gonna jump into all of your marriage questions .
Speaker 1You tried to take your name back . I tried . We're gonna answer all of your marriage questions tonight . Okay , so that's 6 pm On our webinar . If you need the link , the link is in the show notes . You can jump over to kenandtabithacom . We are looking forward to seeing you tonight and also sharing some very special information with you . Some very special things are gonna happen on the webinar tonight .
Speaker 1So you want to be on the webinar , okay . So anyway , today's episode is kind of a runoff from last week . You know , last week we got pumped up . If you did not see last week , you wanna make sure that you go back and check it out , because we kinda wanna do a part two , at least with the theme on discipleship Now in our church . This is our year of multiplication , and the vision that God gave me was disciples multiplying disciples .
Speaker 1This is the X factor , okay . So today I wanna share with our podcast audience what I'm calling the discipleship mindset . Okay , five keys to mentor others , and we're gonna get to that at the end . So you're gonna wanna make sure that you stay with us all the way to the end . All right , and so what is discipleship ? Write this down if you're a note taker . A disciple is a kind of student . They follow the teaching and model their lives after somebody else . In our context , we're talking about being a disciple of Jesus . A disciple is best defined as a learner who follows . Okay , discipleship is more than a class or transfer of information . It's when you imitate the life , embrace the values and reproduce the teaching of the one that you follow . The disciples of Jesus have an inner desire to be more like Jesus . Anything that you would add to those definitions today .
Speaker 2No , I love it .
Speaker 1Okay , we've learned , and I'm gonna add this now discipleship is not a class , but it's a culture , a culture of learning from those in front of you and helping those who are behind you . Discipleship might include a class , but it's not a class alone . Discipleship is not just learning of new information . It's learning to follow others and helping others follow you . Here's the key as you follow Jesus . Write this down Discipleship is not an event , but it's a lifestyle . Okay , it's not an event , but it's a lifestyle . It is living your life in a way that you influence people towards God as a part of your lifestyle . So , when it comes to my siblings , I wanna influence them for Jesus . When it comes to my neighbors , I wanna influence them for Jesus . When it comes to my coworkers come on I wanna influence them for Jesus . When it comes to my parents , my parents are wise and they're older than me , but I still wanna influence them for Jesus . So what that means is that I wanna use my life and my relationships to try to influence somebody else to be closer to Jesus .
Speaker 2Absolutely , I like to say I like to live out loud , meaning that my Christianity , or me following Jesus , my faith , is not something that's secret . My faith is not something I just wear on a necklace around my neck , and I do it at church , on Sundays and at home . My faith is all around me , it's every day , all day , it's how I live , and so- .
Speaker 1That's our mindset . That's our mindset .
Speaker 2So how that helps . My discipleship mindset is that just in every conversation I have , if I'm having a conversation with the cashier at the grocery store , I'm thinking about how I can connect them with Jesus . At the mall , wherever I am , I'm always thinking about how can I connect them with Jesus . How can I sow a seed , how can I put water on seeds that someone else has already planted ?
Speaker 1And watch this , and it might not be overnight , meaning that sometimes I'm using my life to influence Jesus , but that doesn't mean I have to talk about Jesus all the time . I have to be led by the Holy Spirit enough to know when it's time to talk and when it's time to show . And then there's some relationships . Let's say , the person at the grocery store it might be three months , six months or 12 months where I'm building a relationship . I'm complimenting their demeanor , I'm talking to them about their smile and I'm waiting for the green light to now move our relationship from natural to something spiritual . So right now , we live in a neighborhood and a lot of my neighbors are of different faith whether it be Muslims , different things and so I'm not just going off the top and say , hey , what do you think about Jesus ? Right now I'm talking about other things . I'm talking about love , kindness .
Speaker 2I'm talking about neighbors , I'm talking about our HOA . Can I do anything for you ?
Speaker 1Yeah , here's my number , so forth and so on , and I'm gonna wait for the moment that I feel like I have an unction from the Holy Spirit to move the conversation here to here , and God is gonna give me wisdom , exactly , see , but my heart is already programmed . Now here's the discipleship mindset . The discipleship mindset says this everyone that comes across my path is not there by coincidence , right ?
Speaker 2Take it to your death .
Speaker 1If you come across my path , I believe that God has brought you into my life on purpose for me to help influence you towards Him . Now I might have to do it in different ways and in different rhythms . I might for somebody . I have some Uber drivers and sometimes , when they pick me up , sometimes they just need encouragement , or sometimes I note to say , hey , are you born again ? Are you saved ? Do you have a relationship with God ? I'm being spirit led because sometimes I'm coming straight through the front door and sometimes it's something different Yep , you have something to say on that , because I got something else .
Speaker 2No , you can go ahead , go ahead .
Speaker 1The other . So I was in a real estate transaction recently and the realtor on the other side of the transaction did a wonderful job . We went to settlement and then , after settlement , I sent her a text and I said God bless you , god bless your family and God bless all of your future business . And I did not . I wasn't spiritual the whole time . At the end she says you are one of the nicest people that I've ever met . Oh , praying hands , praying hands , praying hands . God bless you .
Speaker 2So sweet .
Speaker 1Right , that's all the Holy Spirit led me to do . What was that ? That was a watering or it was a planting , but it's him that gives the increase . Could she find me five years down the road and say , oh my God , you're a pastor and we were doing a real estate transaction together ? Yeah , maybe so , but I have this mindset that I don't have to rush the play . I'm fine with going through the front door , I'm fine with sowing a seed , I don't care how long it takes , because the harvest belongs to God . That's a mindset .
Speaker 2One of my favorite things to do is to invite people to church but not tell them I'm a pastor at this church .
Speaker 1I love that too .
Speaker 2Or like to be out in the lobby talking to people and you know they haven't , this is their first time they're like , oh , so nice to meet you , whatever , and we're just high . And then I see , you know , like afterwards they're like , oh my gosh you know , I didn't know . And it's just . There's just nothing like it , because , it's the kindness of God , You're leading with the love of God , yeah yeah , so that's like , I think , for you and me .
Speaker 1you know we've been married for 24 years , guys , and it's about to be 25 coming up soon . We're pumped about it . I was about to let something out that we're doing special .
Speaker 2I'll tell you guys about it later for our 25th anniversary .
Speaker 1But what I've noticed is that you have that mindset and I do too . We're light in a dark world and we're gonna shine our light . We ain't gonna put it on the no bushel London , no basket . We gonna put it on a hill for everybody to see it . We are ambassadors of Christ . That means that we're here but this is not our domain . Just like you go to an American embassy over in Italy . At the embassy is American soil . Where we are is heavenly soil .
Speaker 1We're not from around here . We are ambassadors of Christ . This is a discipleship mindset . John Maxwell says the definition of leadership is influence , and we're gonna use all of our influence social media influence , business influence , financial influence to influence people , not for ourselves , but toward the kingdom of God . That is a mindset .
Speaker 2I will use anything from influence . Whether it's a pair of shoes that I have on , whether it's a hat that I wear , whether it's oh you like my shirt , I will use anything for influence . And the Bible says that we could be fishers of men . I mean , it's just part of how do you go fishing ? You bait the hook , you bait it . You know what I mean .
Speaker 1So that you can catch fish ?
Speaker 2How do we catch men ? You know , we catch them with kindness , we catch them with love . Whatever it is we're gonna catch them and bring them a step closer to Jesus .
Speaker 1We were at the Cheesecake Factory the other day because my son got water baptized . So when I got water baptized at 11 years old , my mom took us to Dairy Queen .
Speaker 2And .
Speaker 1I remember it was exciting , like I'm getting a peanut butter parfait because I got baptized A peanut butter buster parfait .
Speaker 2Is that what it was called ? Is that what it was called ? It's like a peanut butter buster parfait , I do .
Speaker 1But anyway . So I said with all of our kids , when they get baptized , I'm taking them out to their favorite restaurant . My son loves the Cheesecake Factory . I see all the jokes about taking your first date to the Cheesecake Factory . Y'all don't know about the Cheesecake Factory . The Cheesecake Factory got options , y'all . You got options for everybody .
Speaker 1The kids love Cheesecake Factory , but anyway .
So I'm sitting there and I'm thinking about how can I reach the waitress , and so then it goes by and I said , okay , let me put something on this hook , and towards the end I ordered dessert from my son . I said , yeah , I wanna get him his favorite dessert because he just got baptized today . What was that ? I wanted to see where she was gonna take the conversation next . What she did , she was like okay , cool . And moved on In my heart . I was like , okay , she's not ready yet . This is not . If she would have been like , oh , really , tell me , what church do you go to ?
Speaker 2So forth and so on . Oh what ?
Speaker 1what tell me more about that ? So all I'm doing ? I just know that , wherever I go , my discernment is always on for how God wants to use me as a vessel to minister to people around the world .
Speaker 2So good .
Speaker 1Discipleship mindset , okay , and so over the years , we've discipled hundreds , if not thousands , of people . You know , discipleship is a mindset , and I wanna share with you guys some of our mindset towards making disciples . This is not just us , okay . They have to take the meat , leave the bones with these . Here's a few different things we do . We believe that everyone who comes in contact with us will be affected by our faith in some way . So most of you guys know that my wife , in 2020 , was diagnosed with breast cancer . We are now celebrating over two and a half years of her being cancer free . But every doctor we prayed for every doctor we said okay , we've chosen you for a reason . Sometimes it was front door , sometimes we're being nice , but every person that we come in contact with , we feel there's no coincidences in the Hebrew . We don't feel like it's a coincidence . Okay , I meet you at the mall . I'm like God . What is this for ? What do you wanna do ?
Speaker 2It's so good . Yeah , I mean , it's true , and actually what I was gonna say is that this is what I pray , though , and I think you pray this as well we pray for God to place people in our path that we can influence . I pray that God would give me a word for people , word of wisdom , word of knowledge , prophecy , like let me if they're going through something . I love it when somebody says how are you , how are you today , and I'm like okay , I'm great . And they're like oh well , my son is sick and we're not feeling well . Or you know what ? The doctor said this like that is the perfect opportunity . I can pray for you . You know like , I just love to like just say that , and I asked the question I can pray . Oh , I would love to pray for you , nobody's turning down prayer .
Speaker 2I've never had someone say no .
Speaker 1You could be a stone cold atheist , but if somebody's in the hospital they can roll that dice . Let's see if that works .
Speaker 2Yes , and what happens when it does yes ?
Speaker 1Here's the second thing we do . We always influence our atmosphere and we never allow ungodly atmospheres to influence us . Okay , so we don't drink . We haven't drank in 22 years . Come on , somebody give God praise for that .
Speaker 2We've been sober for 22 years . Amen , hallelujah . Thank you , jesus .
Speaker 1And you can do what you want , but for us , this has been one of the best decisions that we've ever made . But I remember when we first made it , all of my friends still drank and they were still partying , yeah . And so , when it comes to atmospheres , there are certain atmospheres that I have to control . So let's say that they want to go out here or they want to go to the bar . I say , man , I want to spend time with you , but I won't . I want to pick the restaurant . I want you to come to my house . What am I doing ? I'm controlling the atmosphere . I'm in somebody's wedding party and they say , well , we're gonna go out the wedding night . You know , we're gonna have the bachelorette party . We're gonna have the bachelor party at 10 o'clock . I'm peacein out . They say where you going ? I'm going to sleep . I'll see y'all at the wedding tomorrow . Okay , what am I doing ? Listen , I don't feel like that , that that environment will hurt me because I know who I am in Jesus . But I need them to remember years later , when they get in a jam or they get stuck , there's something different about that dude , exactly , or something different about that woman . So it's not even that I'm a scared of an atmosphere . I just need to be so different than the world .
Speaker 1I had a friend that just called me that we used to party together , drink together , we used to be in the world together , we used to be in business together . 20 years later , he just called me , week before last , and he said Ken , I need to talk with you . He says life is hard , life is difficult and , frankly , it sucks . I'm making a lot of money , I'm very successful , but something just ain't right . And he says , out of everybody in this world , I know you're the only person I could call the truth and I already know what you're gonna tell me . You're gonna tell me about Jesus , right ? And I was like , well , you know that what you know , you call me .
Speaker 2I'm saying listen what's up like yeah , yeah , all right .
Speaker 1I know , and so he's ready to listen . Now , in in that call I let my friend that I used to drink and party with to Jesus . He prayed the prayer of salvation , inviting Jesus into his heart . He's not gonna be a perfect person . He has a lot to grow from from this moment forward .
Speaker 1But that's what I'm talking about , that you can live a life that is so distinctly different that it doesn't matter if it takes five years , ten years or 20 years . When people are ready to come into the light , they will call you and say , hey , can you tell me about how you've been living ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I think sometimes people are afraid to set standards for themselves . Okay , and it's like we want to . I don't know . I feel like there's this pressure Sometimes for believers to conform to the world and not to be set apart and not to be different . So , for me , I became .
Speaker 2I got saved when I was 23 years old and I was just about an alcoholic . I Was depressed . I just my , I did a , I was going to the club , I was drinking , smoking , I was hanging . I was living that life and it gave me nothing . It left me suicidal , with severe depression and anxiety disorder . I wanted to weigh out of that life . Now I met Jesus .
Speaker 2I don't drink , I don't smoke , I don't club , I live a holy , righteous lifestyle , not because I'm perfect , but because Jesus is , and I'm like yes , like I don't want to be a part of those environments . I don't need to be cool , I don't need to listen to that music , I don't need you to like me . Say what you want to say about me . I have Jesus . That's all I need .
Speaker 2But I find that there's now . This is just blanket
statement . I'm not judging people , but I find people who are believers that maybe they grew up in church and maybe they , you know they lived a lifestyle like our kids live no drinking , no smoking , no cussing in the house , you watching PG 13 movies . It's holy , you know , you come to church , all of that stuff . Your life is blessed . But now they feel like , oh , they don't want to seem like they're judgmental , so they want to dress like the world dresses and drink a little bit like the world drinks and watch this movie and Do that like the world does . Because I need to be like Paul and you know , be like all people and do things like 100% , I don't want to sound judgmental .
Speaker 2You ain't judgmental , you just giving your perspective , my perspective .
Speaker 1Yet I'm like let me just be straight , because y'all know how I am . There is so much compromise and carnality , insight of the body that was never supposed to be there , cuz people would rather be discovered than developed . People in this generation would rather be cool than anointed , and so when people listen , I'm talking about it can be Pastors and leadership positions and they want to drink a little bit , they want to cuss a little bit , they want to do a little something . And listen , we have liberty to do whatever you want to do , but that don't mean it's good , it doesn't mean it's a good example , it doesn't mean that you're leading people to Jesus . And so there's some people that I know that they're trying to be so like the world to win the world . But to me , as a person who was in the world , you got to be joking , you've got to be kidding me like I was drinking and an actin funny when I was 19 years .
Speaker 2I am not in press with your coolness .
Speaker 1I'm not impressed with trying to be like the world . The world doesn't need us to be like the world . For us to win the world , the world needs us to be like Jesus and to move in greater anointings and to show great exploits and to be holy and to be Righteous and to represent a kingdom that is not our own . And I'm not saying that With this , with this tone out of judgment , because people can do whatever they want to do right God's gonna use different people to reach People wherever they are , but I'm just saying from an apostolic Viewpoint that there's a much higher way .
Speaker 1I'm not trying to be like the world to win the world . I'm trying to be anointed from God .
Speaker 1I'm impressed by that too , that you , you speak in atmosphere shift . So anyway , number three we intentionally mixed our friend groups , and I think you talked about this a little bit when we get into the things of God . We had so many friends from church and I say to 80 20 rule , like I always want to mix Unsaved people with saved people , save people being the majority , so that we can influence them and we make our friends friends . I think that's that's a mindset that we've had . Number four is that we're not in bondage to natural relationships and we got to talk about this one for a minute because Many people can't be who God's called them to be because they are so in bondage to what their family members think of them . Many people cannot be who God's called them to be because of what their mom , their dad , their auntie , their uncle , their cousins or their ex , what they think about them .
Speaker 1And my whole thing is that it's time for us to live for an audience of one , and what I've learned is that people don't have a heaven or a hell they can put you in . So I can't stunt you too much . You know everybody has an opinion . Opinions are like noses . I don't want your nose on my nose . That would look funny . So I don't want everybody's opinions for me to be bound to what other people think I should and should not do . I want to please God and God alone , and so , when it comes to relationships , I just feel like here's my mindset . When it comes to discipleship , who is my father ? Who is my brother , other than those who do the will of the father ? And so if our relationship does not have a spiritual tone to it , I can love you from a distance .
Speaker 2I say tight , but it's right .
Speaker 1Listen , this is a discipleship mindset . Sweetheart , listen , please jump in Anytime you want , just hit me , punch me do something . The time that I have is finite in the earth . That means that I only have a limited amount of time the most precious commodity that you and I have is not our assets , our 401K or our money .
Speaker 1The most precious commodity that we have is our time . That second I'll never get it back . That conversation , I'll never get that minute back , that I'll never get that week back from last week . So now , as a steward , I have to steward this precious commodity and make sure that I don't throw my pearls to swan . I'm not trying to be upset .
What I'm saying is that I have to be intentional about the gift of God and who I invested to .
Speaker 1So you can be my cousin , you can be my auntie , you can be my uncle . We can have the same complexion and we can even have the same last name , but I am not just hanging out for bowling to bowl . I am not just going fishing to fish . If I go bowling , it's to lead our conversation towards Jesus . If I go fishing , it's to lead our conversation towards Jesus . All right , so I only want people in my life . That is , a spiritual connection with me , where you're helping me or I'm helping you , and if , for some reason , I have someone that steps away from that relationship , it's not that I love you , I just don't have the time for you .
Speaker 2That's so good . I'm reminded how we started off on this , the Great Commission , where Jesus called us to go out and make disciples right , and so our lifestyle as believers is based on like we're making disciples , you become a disciple and then you make disciples . It's just this ever fulfilling cycle that we go through , and so that's what you're describing there . And , yeah , I refuse to allow other people to influence or interfere with the Great Commission , with the call of God on my life . If I listened to my friends , I would not be married to you . If I listened to my family , I would not be married to you . If I listened to my family , I would not be a pastor , I would not live in Florida , I would not be walking in the call of God , and I think there are so many believers who are missing their call , missing their anointing , not fulfilling their assignment , because we are listening to the wrong people .
Speaker 1Wow , wow . So the bottom line is discipleship is a mindset , and this is just us sharing our mindset with you guys . You can take it , you can leave it , but , like the show said , this is us .
Speaker 2Here's one more .
Speaker 1We're always being a disciple , at the same time making disciples . This is huge for us , and so I think sometimes in the church world and when I say the church world , I never try to diss the church world , because you say the church , the church , don't do this , and the church don't do that . It all kind of turns me off , because you don't know the church is beautiful .
Speaker 1It represents the body of Christ , and there's so many different . You don't know everybody . So when I say it , I say it from more of an apostolic viewpoint of the culture of the church world . And so what I've noticed is that there are some in the church world that they either are always needing to be discipled or they're always just trying to make disciples , and what I believe is that every believer should be being made a disciple and discipling all at the same time . Let me explain that every relationship , we should always have a Paul and we should always have a Barnabas , or we should always have a Timothy . We should always have someone in front of us and someone behind us . So I am always being discipled .
Speaker 1I have a pastor right now . I have two overseers , no-transcript . I call them or voice , memo them all the time . What do you think about this ? What do you think about that ? How do you feel about this ? What am I doing ? I'm being disciple . At the same time I'm making disciples , and I think something happens where we feel like I've grown out of being discipled and now I'm just gonna make disciple , or some people just get stuck in being a disciple and they never start making disciples , but we're supposed to be discipled and make disciples for the rest of our lives .
Speaker 2Yes , I think that's a good thing . I think sometimes we get stuck into being disciples , like I think about if I'm a believer and I go to church on Sunday and I go home and come back to church and go home and come back to church , and I'm not taking what I get and give to someone else . There's a comfort in that I think of , like my kids . You know , like they would love it if we just did every thing for them all the time and you just remain like how good would it be if you could just be a kid forever . Like no responsibilities , you don't have to do anything . Like mommy and daddy's gonna take care of you all the time .
Speaker 2There's comfort in that , but as parents , we know because we have teenagers right now and one preteen we are constantly saying no , you're going to gain responsibility , you need to do that on your own . No , we kind of push them out of the nest that they can fly , so to say . And I just wanna say that if you are discipling someone right now , you might need to start pushing them out of the nest .
Speaker 2Who asks them who are you discipling ? How did you pour into it ? Because sometimes I'll go to . I have someone who I'm discipling and I have to go to someone who is discipling me to say , hey , they got this situation going on here . What do I tell them ? You know what I mean and then you can take the information back . But let's start asking . Pushing them out of the nest .
Speaker 1So there's a few avenues or lanes in which we disciple , and so I wanna give these what I'm calling the five discipleship avenues , because I think there's different kinds of discipleship and some people get stuck on one avenue . The first avenue is discipleship from a distance , and it's books , podcasts , conferences , influencers and simply watching other people from a distance . You don't know them personally , but their writings , their messages , their podcasts . It brings a great value to you and it moves you closer to Jesus .
Speaker 2I think that's great . I love that . I do that as well , but I think too many of us major on that type of discipleship discipleship from a different distance .
Speaker 1Well , I'm not even gonna go whether we are building it up , I'm just saying what it is .
Speaker 2I'm gonna kinda build somewhere .
Speaker 1So it's what I call discipleship from a distance you got one brick down , go baby . All right , that's not the end , that's the beginning . Number two is what we call congregational or classroom discipleship . Now , y'all listen to this , okay . This is where you have a growth track at your church , you have a fresh starts class , you have a leadership school at your church or Sunday teachings all right . This is when you come to church and somebody under the anointing of the Holy Spirit is discipling you .
Speaker 1So , when you come and you listen to a pastor . That is a form of discipleship . It is not the highest form or the best form or the only form , but it is a form . For example , before we started pastoring , we were at a church outside of Washington DC for about seven years . I never had one meal or dinner with the pastor until the week we were leaving out and being sent out to start our church . Right before I don't know if it was a week or a month , but right before we went to start our church I had a meal with him about the church plant . Seven years I was there but I positioned myself in the pew to allow the person in the pulpit to disciple him . And you can be discipled congregationally , maybe not close up .
Speaker 1You don't have a dialogue but , if you position your heart and your body in a way , it is a form .
Speaker 2It is an avenue of discipleship Anything .
Speaker 1On that one you good . No , that's good , I agree . The third avenue of discipleship is what we call relationship disciple or relational discipleship . This is a simple conversation in the lobby . You talking to somebody and they say you know what ? I think you should do this , and you just pick it up in your spirit okay , this is when you come to the front and people are praying over you and they're directing you and it's almost like prophetic prayers and I hear the Lord saying this . That's a level of discipleship . But then you also get that in small groups . So in our church we say that real life change happens in the context of relationships , and it comes from James and it says that when we confess our faults one to another , pray for each other , will be healed . So we understand that when we get into small groups and we don't just talk about how great we are , but we confess our faults , then we pray for each other , we're healed . Freedom is found there , maturity is found there .
Speaker 1It's what we call relational discipleship , but the one that I wanna park on today is the 4th Avenue and it's what I call mentorship discipleship , and this is one-on-one discipleship , where you are allowing a person to mentor you for a specific season , to get you to a specific place . This is the one that I've seen get weird . This is actually the one that probably has the greatest benefit if it's done right , because you can customize one-on-one a growth plan for somebody . But this is also the one , isn't it ?
Speaker 1like the best things also can be the worst things at the same time , the greatest things can also get weird , and this is the one that I've seen get weird .
Speaker 2Also , why do you say that ?
Speaker 1Well , if you have a church of 100 people , right , and it's like everybody there wants to just be a disciple . What happens is you have two mentors and then 100 people just going to the same two people , and usually it's not because those two people are really mature , they just look mature , they just look the part and because of that , everybody will you be my mentor ? Will you be my mentor ? Will you be my mentor ? Will you be my mentor ? And that's just weird , okay . Or you have the church where everybody , everybody is just the discipling and it's all . Just you discipling each other . You come , it's 100 people and you just always talking to each other , discipling each other for the next 30 , 40 years , and you never get outside of your bubble and go win the people that are dying in the streets . So mentorship can get weird , because I don't think we understand the difference between discipleship and mentorship . So for me , this is my definition , ken Claytus definition Discipleship is the biblical umbrella of helping people grow in .
Speaker 2Jesus .
Speaker 1Everything that I wanna talk about and do falls under biblical discipleship . Mentorship happens to be a portion of discipleship . Mentorship doesn't have to be discipleship , though , because some people are being mentored at their work , okay . So if you are in the medical field , you go through medical school , then you have four years of residency . What's that ? A four year mentorship program for you start cutting on people . It has nothing to do with Jesus . It is a mentorship , but if you make it spiritual under the umbrella of discipleship , one of the avenues is mentorship okay , and there are five keys to mentoring people successfully , and that's what I wanna end today with .
Speaker 1Now , this is the one you gotta share , this y'all . I need to hear your comments . I need because I need to help somebody today , because people have been saying this is my mentor and that's my mentor and they don't understand . Let me just give it to you . Jump in whenever you want . Number one if you want to mentor somebody successfully , sit down upfront and set expectations for both parties . That's good , and so you need to say this is what , okay . So if I say , tabitha , will you mentor me ? Okay , you should say what do you need me to do and what do you ? And this is what I need you to do , so we have to write those things down upfront , because this is where it gets weird . I thought you was going to call me every day and it just seems like you don't care . No , I was busy and I didn't know . That's what I had to do for you . So we need to make sure that both parties have clear expectations .
Speaker 1Okay number two mentorship relationships should have a certain timeframe . Okay , they should have a start and they should also have an end . This whole mentor for life thing , I don't think I buy it . Okay , I believe there are relationships for life . I believe you can have a pastor in your life or a spiritual father and a spiritual mother . You know every relationship is for a reason , a season or a lifetime . But this thing that you've been my mentor for 25 years , I'm thinking to myself did they not help you grow in 25 years ? So for me , mentorship should have a beginning and it should have an ending . I am mentoring you for the next 12 months to get you ready to be a worship leader . I am mentoring you for the next six months to get you ready to lead your own small group . I am mentoring your marriage for the next two years so that you can now go and mentor other people's marriage .
Speaker 1It's not like this mentor thing , and this is what I think is missing . I think that many people who are mentors actually enjoy having babies being dependent on them , and it's time for us to take the bottle out of their mouth . Okay , it is time for us . Now Listen my dad . His name is CW Clayton , he's 70 some years old and I'm 45 years old , and my dad don't treat me like I'm 14 , because he has allowed our relationship to adult and I have been adulting for many years now , so the relationship that we now have is not the relationship .
Speaker 2He's still my dad and I still give him honor and he's still my guy .
Speaker 1But now , see , there's a place where your son should be your friends . There's a place , see . So I am not what I'm trying . I'm not trying to raise up minions , People that's just looking to me for the next 35 years . Listen , even those who are my spiritual sons and daughters , I am raising them up also to be my friend . It doesn't mean that I will stop being a spiritual father , just like my dad , CW Clayton , has not stopped being my dad . But now there is a friendship level to parenting .
Speaker 2So good .
Speaker 1So , anyway , I'm gonna move on just for the second time .
Tell me when you- .
Speaker 2Well , I wanna say so for that person . Let's say , I've had a mentor now , a mentee now for five years . It's probably time to let that cut . You know , let them fly away .
Speaker 1And not just fly away . Push them out of the nest .
Speaker 2You pushed them to go mentor somebody else , but then you , there's somebody else that needs you , there's somebody else that needs your time . Get another mentor .
Speaker 1And it's not that you cut that person off , but now you get to have a friendship .
Speaker 1Yes , and you get to check in with them and you get to do life , but that infinite , that finite time that you have now . This is how you multiply . Now they go and invest in somebody else and your time is free to go invest in somebody else . And then we do it again , and two becomes four , four becomes eight , and eight becomes 16 , and 16 becomes 32 . Instead of , I spent all my life with one person that don't wanna live , right ? Yeah ?
Speaker 2And I like what you said earlier . That's how the church doesn't grow , and you say this a lot . Well , you used to say this a lot Is that the gathering church people coming together and meeting in church is for the scattering , so that we can gather together , learn of the word of God , and then we scatter , go teach it to other people . Then we take those people , we all come together as a bigger group , we gather together , learn about the word of God , we scatter even more , come back together and the church is like a heartbeat .
Speaker 2We're coming and going . We're coming and going . That's the beauty of the church .
Speaker 1Yes , Number three right this now . Mentorship relationships should be less about the title and more about the outcome . We don't need people running around saying I belong to Apollos and I belong to Paul and I belong to Apollos .
Speaker 2We belong to Jesus . We belong to .
Speaker 1Jesus , and it's really not about the title . So instead of saying , well , that's my mentor , we're saying that's my mentee . Why don't we put the title to the side for a moment ? Yeah , and just because titles almost end title it almost makes it so concrete and so formalized . Now I do know if I'm asking you to sit down and set expectations . This is a formal form of discipleship , but the title is just like be more loosely with these titles .
Speaker 1Number four mentorship should be to get you from one point to the next and then drop you off . Okay , I'm mentoring you to be a better parent , and after you get there , you're gonna move on . I'm gonna move on . I'm mentoring you to be a better communicator and preacher . After I get you there , I'm gonna move on . You gonna move on . The goal of the mentor relationship is for people to outgrow you . Number five this is the last one Mentorship relationships are best used in raising up people for specific jobs and assignment . So this form of discipleship , this avenue called mentorship , is best used for a specific assignment . I am making you to be a team leader . I'm raising you up to be a supervisor . I'm raising you up to be a staff person .
Speaker 1I'm raising you up to be the head intercessor . I'm raising you up to sing , more to be the drummer . I'm raising you up to be a businessman . I'm raising you up to be my replacement . I'm raising you up to be my successor . There is a start , there's an end , there is a goal . I'm getting you to a certain place , and so discipleship is helping other people grow in their walks with Jesus . Mentorship is a kind of discipleship that's more formal , but it's super effective when it's done correctly , anything you have to add to all of that today so good .
Speaker 1Wow , that was a lot , but I just feel like for this year , those are the foundations in January that we needed to give people . I'm ready to help some relationships and some marriages . I'm ready to help some single people . This is gonna be a special year . I believe that people get better . When they get better , the marriage will get better , and so Well , you started off when we .
Speaker 2We started off , I think maybe in the last episode , talking about discipleship and how it was so rewarding . One of the best things that you can do outside of marriage has a rewarding relationship . And then there's parenting it's such a rewarding relationship . And then there's discipleship when you see God impacting other people and making a difference in their lives , when you see God coming alive in people's lives . There's nothing like it , and I think that some of us are . A lot of people in the world right now , even believers , are depressed . They're just sad . They feel incomplete . They don't feel like they have a purpose . And this is where we feel complete . This is where we feel like we have a purpose , when we can take what we have and pour it into someone else and see the change in their lives .
Speaker 1Guys , this is what it's all about . Now , listen to me closely . All right , if you say Pastor Ken , I would like for you guys to disciple me . If you say Pastor Ken and Tabitha , I would like for you guys to be my marriage mentor . We have set up a bootcamp for you , called the Better Marriage Bootcamp , and it is launching on February the 1st . That's right , in a small seven days . Okay , we are launching this bootcamp and we like bootcamps . We like just to get gritty and get crazy .
Speaker 2Here's the deal , let's go .
Speaker 1When it comes to our podcast you can binge watch this stuff . That's cool . When it comes to like a retreat go away for a week , you can get a blitz of information .
Speaker 1This bootcamp is 90 days where we will walk with you as your mentor me and Tabitha for 90 days to take your marriage from bad to good , good to great and great to out of this world . If you want a better marriage , okay , I want you , and there will be some instructions in the show notes . Jump on the webinar with us tonight . We're gonna introduce you to the Better Marriage Bootcamp and , if you can take this 90 day , this is gonna be hours of teaching Probably , I think , over 12 hours of teaching , 12 different sessions . We're gonna share with you our family meeting , outline our family constitution , how you do a budget . We're gonna get into sex and intimacy , how to diffuse certain things . We're gonna overcome trauma from the past .
Speaker 1I'm gonna take a 90 day mentorship journey with you , and this is gonna require an investment an investment of your time , but also an investment of your treasure , and if you can invest in your relationship , it will get better , okay , so let's get ready for that . We're excited about it . We're out of time for today , but we hope and pray that you enjoy today's podcast , today's show . If you're new to our podcast , please hit the subscribe button . If you're watching on YouTube , if you're on Apple Music or somewhere else , make sure that you hit the download . We want you to be the first to get the content when it's released . We would love to hear from you . Leave us a positive review . Those things encourage us , they bless us , they bless our entire team . You can email us if you have any prayer requests . We have a whole team of people that would love to email you . Well , of course , we release a new podcast every Thursday at 3 pm , so make sure that you join us next week .
Speaker 1Share this with somebody else . I believe it'll be a lifeline for them . Just know that you're valuable you're loved . You're chosen and you're not alone . All right , we'll see you next week . We love y'all Peace .