Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , what's up everybody ?
Speaker 2Hey everyone .
Speaker 1We are so pumped to have you here , for this is actually season number two . Y'all All right For Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha , and we are well on our way . Of course , next week is gonna be Valentine's Day , and so we kinda wanted to drop something for our couples today . And today we're gonna talk about not sweating the small stuff . Okay , because if you start sweating the small stuff and you marry , this probably gonna mess up your Valentine's Day and mess up your marriage , and we don't want that to happen . And so we're pumped to have you guys wherever you are , whoever you are . We don't believe you found us by accident . We believe it's God's doing . Welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha .
Speaker 2Yes , welcome . We're so glad to just do life with you . Know that we're praying for you and just believing for God's best to happen in your life .
Speaker 1Thinking of best . We wanna help your marriage get better . If you are a married person , you're watching on YouTube throw some hands up and say I'm married , you're talking to me . If you're a person who is maybe in a marriage that you just want it to be improved , you just wanted to get better . I got great news for you .
Speaker 1We have now officially launched our better marriage boot camp and you know , boot camps are kind of like our personality , tabitha . She used to be in the ROTC and she went away to a boot camp and we could have called it a master class or something like that . But we wanna help you get your marriage in shape . The goal of this boot camp is to move bad marriages to good marriages those of you all who have a good marriage to a great marriage , and those of you all who have a great marriage . We wanna help it get better and to be an out of this world marriage . We take our 24 plus years of marriage ups and downs and we've put it into a 90 day boot camp that we are calling the better marriage boot camp . If you are interested with whipping your marriage into shape , jump over to Ken and tabithacom or you can check it out in the link , in our show notes and this is what we say that when you get better , the marriage will get better . Are you ready for today's segment , sweetheart ?
Speaker 2I am ready .
Speaker 1Don't sweat what .
Speaker 2The small stuff , the small stuff .
Speaker 1How do you feel that I do it that ? How do you feel I do it not sweating the small ?
Speaker 2stuff . Tell the people I would say it's probably situational , but for the most part you don't sweat the small stuff . Yeah , yeah , you're more of a big picture kind of guy .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 2But you do like details .
Speaker 1I wasn't sure what you were gonna say , but now that you say it I'm like yeah , you're right . I just don't sweat the small stuff a lot . I mean , if you compare it to me , yeah , let's be honest , let's just put it all on the table today .
Speaker 2I mean not that I wanna sweat the small stuff , but I tend to notice the small stuff .
Speaker 1Okay , tell on yourself a little bit . Why is that so ? You sweat the small stuff it could be .
Speaker 2yeah , I mean , I don't , I intentionally don't sweat the small stuff .
Speaker 1I would agree .
Speaker 2But I do have a propensity to go down that trail of sweating the small stuff . But I know that about myself and so I kinda most of the time I won't anymore , but there's some things that I do .
Speaker 1I got your back on this baby .
Speaker 2Come on , baby .
Speaker 1You don't really sweat the small stuff , like you might think that you do .
Speaker 1When I think of somebody sweating the small stuff , it's almost like they're married to somebody , and that person's always frustrated , they're always annoyed , and it's not big things . You know . When people say they're filing for divorce and they say it's because of unreconsolable differences , that's cold word , that we couldn't get along . And so every relationship has a stage . You have the infatuation stage and then you got the fight for power stage and then you got the maturity . And most divorces happen in the fight for power stage , where it's just like my way versus your way .
Speaker 1And that's the stage when small things get blown up into big things , and we just wanted to help somebody . Come on somebody .
Speaker 2We make a mountain out of a molehill .
Speaker 1Yeah , not to sweat the small stuff . So I don't know , when I think about me , do I sweat the small stuff ? I think in certain areas of my life I do Like there's some things in my church life that I sweat , small things , like I didn't like that , that the sound didn't sound right , or that drum beat wasn't right , or I didn't like the songs that you sang . And what I've learned over my God I'm going into 17 years of ministry in April what I've learned is that some of those small things it doesn't move the needle at all , like people still gonna get saved . They didn't hear that that track messed up , they didn't hear that . They don't even know that light wasn't wrong . People still gonna get saved and healed . And so I wanna be like that in every area of my life . And so when I think of you , do you sweat the small stuff ?
Speaker 1I think you overlook a lot but , I do think that there's probably things that happen in the house , and that's probably what you're talking about .
Speaker 2Is that what you're talking about ? It's all motherhood , honestly , and a little bit , I mean I don't know . Our oldest daughter is 18 years old . We've been married for almost 25 years , so a lot of the small things . I've really renewed my mind and I've gotten over them . So I'm left now with some stuff that it's just like new stuff can pop up and it's like , hey , okay , girl , remember , don't sweat the small stuff . It's not , there's a bigger picture here , you know .
Speaker 1Do you know what I wanna ask you , though , like what are some of the small stuff that you used to sweat more back in the day that you don't sweat as much now ?
Speaker 2Okay , there's . There's wifely things and there's motherly things , so wifely things would be I'm infamous for saying this about you was that you would leave your socks in the bed . This is a small thing , but it just ooh , it just irritated me that you would leave your socks in the bed . I don't care anymore , I don't care , there's probably a sock in the bed right now .
Speaker 1Yeah , that sock loves you too . I still don't like the sock . That sock wants to sit the not for you .
Speaker 2No , I don't like the sock , but I don't care , it's there . You're not gonna hear me say anything about it .
Speaker 1Okay , that's one .
Speaker 2I think I used to have little things like you know where you put your shoes . I got all . I had all these rules Like I like things super clean and put the dishes on this side of the sink , that side of the sink , please rinse it off and put it in the dishwasher , like this .
Speaker 1I see that that's still there , though a little bit , but it's okay . Yeah , but not . You're just trying to create order . Take care of the family .
Speaker 2Not like it should be . Like it used to be Like it used to be . So little things like that , I think you know , when it comes to like the kids , I would oh my gosh , I just if they would just do what I said . You know what I mean . Some of the small things is like you know , brush your teeth . You know what I mean . Wash your face , take a shower .
Speaker 1They may small things , but it's just things that everybody should do . I don't know .
Speaker 2I mean , they are things , but as a mom , what I've discovered is that I mean well , basically you can just bark all the time . You can bark all the time and I've lost the connection with my child because when they come to me , I'm no longer hugging them , I'm always complaining about . Your face is dirty , you stink , your clothes are dirty , your shoes like all like . It's sometimes like I have to just be like this child stinks . Oh my gosh , they need to take a shower .
Speaker 1But I'm gonna .
Speaker 2I just ignore it , like okay , I love you , I'm gonna kiss you , I'm gonna hug you , go ahead and eat dinner . But then after dinner I'll be like , okay , baby , it's time to take a shower .
Speaker 1You might wanna write that down , because love ignores . There are some things that in the household that you just have to ignore .
Speaker 2It's not worth my relationship .
Speaker 1It's just not worth the relationship . Okay , man , that's so good . So I think that this is a thing and we talked to couples everywhere that's just what we do . I love married people . I love people in relationships . I think this is one that people really struggle with . Why do you think people struggle with sweating the small stuff ?
Speaker 2There's things that can trigger us to be angry . I think there's control issues , and that might be the biggest thing for me to wear . I'm trying to run my household . I got goals . We gotta be here at this time . You gotta do this . I want my kids to make A's in school . I want my husband to be happy . I got meals to cook . I got all of this stuff to do . And if it's the small things that affect the bigger picture and I'm like , oh my gosh , the house is a wreck , no , it's not . I think it's the , they say sometimes , the little foxes that spoil the vibe . It's just you feel like that . So it's almost like the last well that you mentioned it .
Speaker 1Yesterday you were a tad testy , was . I what I do yesterday remember you were stressed out a little bit with the kids and different things and you were stressed out . I didn't get none last night you did . Everybody's just going to bed . I just , it's just a little . It's a little , it's a little tension in the atmosphere .
Speaker 2I do , oh , okay , but I didn't do anything .
Speaker 1No , no , you ain't do nothing but .
Speaker 2I said , yeah , but I told you I wish . I think I realized I was stressed . I said baby , I think I'm stressed .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2Because I didn't realize it . I just knew I was frustrated .
Speaker 1But that's what I want to pull out . You first have to realize it because you cannot overcome something that you don't realize . And so you realized , hey , I'm stressed , hey , I'm tense . Okay , let me talk about this .
Speaker 2Let us kind of work this thing out .
So same as it is when it comes to small stuff . If you sweat the small stuff , you first got to say you know what , I am sweating too much of the small stuff . But I like what you said about people . I think control is a big one for people . So why do they sweat the small stuff ? Some people are just too fretful , they're too touchy and then everything gets on their nerves . You know they're missing the joy of life . They're missing the light-heartedness they're listening to fun .
Speaker 1Tell me if I'm wrong . I just feel like wives should bring a level of fun and joy and like heartedness into the home , yeah , and . I don't mean just wives . I know the husband should as well .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's what I'm saying . Yeah , I think it's well , husband's bring some joy into the home .
Speaker 1I just want you know , and people don't like when I say that kind of stuff , but I just feel like it's almost like Well , you know we both have a responsibility .
Speaker 2Yes , when .
Speaker 1I think of you like . Alright , so let's say that I got a lot on my plate the role of you have a lot on your plate and I got a lot on my plate . That's when stuff really gets back right , I can have a light on my plate . But when you're like , hey , baby , what you need , it's gonna be okay and prophesying over the atmosphere , stuff still good at home , right , but it's just now . I'm saying like it could be vice versa .
Speaker 2I don't know , just for our house setup , right , you are the temperature setter , yeah and we've we've defined those roles in our marriage , meaning that if you're running , like it , top speed , more than likely we both can't run at top speed at the same time when it comes to our professional lives .
Speaker 2Professional okay , you're running because we're there , I'm here with you . Okay , you're not gonna outgrow me spiritually , baby , I'm coming with you . Okay , right , emotionally , mentally , you know , solicially , like we're going to grow at the same pace and intent , be intentional with that , yeah . But when it comes to like in our professional lives , you can't run around the world preaching and teaching all the time and me run Around preaching and teaching who's cool , who's at home with the kids , who's making sure that there's fun .
Speaker 1We are giving y'all what's been in our kitchen .
Speaker 2Oh , my goodness .
Speaker 1We've just made decisions about reducing her travel time so that she could run faster at home , and I guess , for people that are listening , it's okay to know what you need in different seasons and when stuff is chaotic . Okay , we are a team . Yeah , so it's not like I'm gonna go after my dream and you gonna help me know we're going after our dream absolutely in this season . What do we need to be a healthy family .
Speaker 2But it's good to recognize where you are and so what I was doing yesterday was recognizing like , oh snap , I think I'm stressed and I'm sure , and it was a lot of little things that , and I told you last night I don't , I think I didn't realize that I was stressed , because it's like this little , like this is whatever , this little thing here , we'll fix it . This little thing here , I have faith We'll fix it . This little thing , oh , we'll get it together . It's all good , but it's when those , all those little things come together , it's just like , and then it gets a little weighty , right .
Speaker 1But one of us , you know , has to bring joy into the home and and Well , let me kind of retract my last statement both of us have to bring both of us have to do it but if I guess , if you want to be the hero in the home , you can be the one that brings the joy . Whether you're a man or a woman , husband or wife , you can breathe , the one to bring the joy into the home . But somebody needs to bring the light-heartedness . Somebody needs to bring the party , somebody needs to bring the celebration , somebody needs to bring the crazy music , somebody needs to . You know , somebody has to do that .
Speaker 2I think as a mother , that role of a mother and that nurturing role that we play , that traditional mothering role . I think that's why you said that statement , because as a mom it is . You know it's stressful taking care of kids . It is , and if we don't laugh about it , if we don't throw on some music and dance about it and have a good time , we are going to be stressed . I would say the wife is not happy .
Speaker 1I Would say taking care of the kids is More difficult than going away to work in corporate America , in the business world and I'm saying that as a stone cold businessman who has a business degree that founded my first company back in 1998 or 99 but what I see Stay at home mom's do or people who are taking care of the kids , and my estimation is just as difficult , if not more difficult and let me just leave it at that .
So , when it comes to don't sweat the small stuff , I think some people are hard to live with . Okay , they just don't know how to live closely with another person , and if that's you , we want to help you locate where you are and get some tools . There are people they just don't know how to live with a man . There's women they just don't know how to live with a man . There's men that just don't know how to treat a woman . We want to help you Live together successfully .
Speaker 2Okay , yeah .
Speaker 1Something on that .
Speaker 2I was gonna say I mean especially , you know you've , before you get married , or you know if you're single , especially in your 20s , 30s , 40s , 50s , you've become accustomed to a certain lifestyle right . You , you know you come home . Everything's where you left it . Now when you're single . Now , the second , you get married . You come home .
Speaker 1You can't find a .
Speaker 2Thing you don't know , they and I'm territorial . Yeah you know , like at work , like if I left my pencil here on my desk , I want to come back in my pencil still be there . Please don't take my pen If you married yeah you know , and so it can be difficult , but we just have to I don't know switch our focus and yeah , it's called doing life , it's doing life with people .
Speaker 1I think some people who sweat the small stuff , some people are just too easily annoyed and I know they're listening right now and it's it's hard to live with a Debbie Downer and it's hard to live with a negative Nancy . And let me give a guy name it's hard to live with a fault-finding Fabian . I made that up , thank you very much . All right , and there are skills that you need to learn to not be so negative Like the joy of the Lord is our strength . You can look at your husband and rip him down . You can look at each other and just rip each other in your mind , and if you are allowing your thoughts to always go there , your actions will soon follow , and so we just need to know how not to sweat the small stuff .
Speaker 2Oh , absolutely .
Speaker 1Some people don't know how not to make a mountain out of a molehill . They just get too worked up about small things dishes , grass . They just get too worked up about socks in the bed . And we got to learn not to make a mountain out of a molehill . First Peter , chapter four and eight , says this above all , listen , love each other deeply . Why ? Because love covers a multitude of sin . That scripture is so dope . Because love doesn't expose , love always covers . Now we live in a social media generation and I see people want to expose . We're going to expose this preacher .
Speaker 1We're going to expose this pastor , we're going to expose other people , but my Bible says that love covers . It covers and I'm not saying that it never exposes . I do believe that God will expose your sin , but he doesn't do it until it's the last thing .
Speaker 2God , he gives us 25,000 chances to repent and get it right .
Speaker 1The last thing that he wants to do as a loving father is expose you . But he will expose you with love in his heart to cause you to repent . But he gives you so many chances not to be exposed because love covers . Love does not expose man . I know people that's been close to me that has fallen in the sin . I don't want anybody to know , because love covers . Think about it for a second . How many of us have messed up in our past . Thank God that Jesus covered who I used to be when I was a Christian atheist and I was unfaithful and I was trying to rob and steal and do all these things . Jesus covered all those things because that's what love does Love covers sin .
Speaker 2It's so good . I think that you know sometimes and I'll speak to myself there were maybe TV shows that I would watch on TV that might be like gossip shows , where they would say celebrity news , or you know , standing in line at the grocery store and there's magazines and on the cover of the magazines it's just like these gossiping , like rumor type of things . It'll say such and such , exposed , it's like this trigger word and you want to .
Speaker 1you know , it's almost like if your ears are like ooh what ? What was that ?
Speaker 2What's going on ?
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 2And I have learned and it's been I don't know a couple of years now but I turned it . Okay , I'm not watching that show anymore , I'm not paying attention to this reel anymore , I'm not going to look at these magazines anymore , because I felt like I was creating this thirst , this desire , this hunger for dirty information , for bad things , about people , almost like being enticed with bad news . You know what I mean . You can turn on the news and it's just like such and such got shot and such and such went to jail . And I'm like , oh my gosh , please stop telling me this . But if we're not careful , we can bring those things into our relationships . And then that's what the fault finding is about and that's what the exposing is about . It's just like okay , throw all of that in the trash
.
Speaker 1Yeah , first Peter , chapter four , verse eight . Again it says above all , love each other deeply . It means that I don't want my love for my wife to be on the surface . I want to get to the place where I love you deeply . I don't want our love to be . We have to love each other deeply . And then it goes on and says because love covers , covers that's what we've been talking about a multitude , not like a few , but like a whole bunch of sin .
Speaker 2And when we talk about sin .
Speaker 1Let's not just talk about sin like missing the mark , like ungodly sin . Love covers your weaknesses . Love covers your shortcomings .
Speaker 2Your mistakes .
Speaker 1Love covers your idiosyncrasies , love covers your corkiness and your personality , because I think those are the small things and in the infatuation stage it's like you can do no wrong , but then in the fight for power stage , you can do no right . And we are allowing Satan and our flesh to make small things seem so big but , love covers all of that . Man Love covers all of that . We see it with our children Absolutely , and so is that Jesus , and we see theığıo just call for them , even at your girl , and we're telling my children .
Speaker 2They'll come and pain , MMMFV엽ky , I and I'll call for stories with yourحas . And then I'm going to li t тобwe twil .
Speaker 1Find hearty ple ahhar . Believe in me , I will really love you .
Speaker 2Welcome guys .
Speaker 1This is the end of the world or whoever relationship you are . I don't care who you are . I wanna see you just run through the lobby of the church and just drop , kick somebody . Yeah , that will go viral .
Speaker 2I won't do it in the natural ? I would if I had to . But spiritually I will lay the smack down . And what does that mean ? I'm just gonna pray for you , I'm gonna cover you in love , I'm gonna sow the do good seed . I mean , I will do anything for you like come on , you know , but anyway .
Speaker 1Here's a few things that we've learned over 24 years of marriage . When it comes to don't sweat the small stuff , we've learned that life is too short to sweat the small stuff .
Speaker 2Absolutely . You know , I think at the end of our lives and you hear stories about people when they're dying and we have goals of like , where we wanna be at the end of our lives . But you know , I think even now not at the end of my life when I look back to the past , I remember and cherish the good things . I don't remember how the dishes were dirty or the plant fell over and broke and we had to clean it up , or we got a flat tire .
Speaker 1Or I remember our wedding day , All of those things that happened within the last 30 years go ahead .
Speaker 2I remember our wedding day . I remember Christmases and New Year's .
Speaker 1Eve .
Speaker 2I remember dates that we went on .
Speaker 1I remember when our children were born .
Speaker 2You know , I remember these important days and I think there are a lot of people that will come to the end of their lives or stand before Jesus and they'll be a lot of people who have gotten divorced over irreconcilable differences when they're not even gonna remember why , they're not gonna know what it was , but they'll remember their wedding day . But they won't remember the reasons why they got divorced .
Speaker 2And I think for those of us who are , no condemnation if you have been divorced , but for those of us who are still married , let's not sweat the small stuff . We're not even gonna remember it .
Speaker 1We've also learned it's really not that serious . These are just little principles , like sometimes we make things serious and it's really not that serious . I remember back in the day as a young pastor . It was all about this is warfare and we gotta beat the devil .
Speaker 2Take it over for the kingdom .
Speaker 1We gotta take over the city and touch the city . You ain't touchin' no city . You gonna lock arms with other pastors and preachers who are just as anointed as you and you're gonna do what God's called us to do to the best of our ability .
Speaker 2You're not gonna fight this entire battle on your own .
Speaker 1It's like man get a blow pop and get on a jet ski and just sit on the beach and get a tan , like it's not that serious , I mean it is serious .
Speaker 1I understand there's devils and demons and these are the last days and you know , man , people can be so serious , they lose their joy , but when it comes to being married , like some of the small stuff , it's just not that serious . We've also learned that nobody wants to live with a Debbie Downer or a false finding Fabian . We just don't want to . We don't want it . You have anything you wanna share about that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm reminded of a scripture that says that it's better to stay on the rooftop than to live in a house with a nagging woman .
Speaker 1And you know we can . I wonder why that scripture just says that it's the woman that's nagging .
Speaker 2It's probably . I mean , I think , no doubt a man can nag as well , is that like a woman's gift of the spirit ? Well , it's the traditional roles .
Speaker 1Don't get in trouble up in here . I'm saying that on purpose , I know cause people don't make it . They gonna come back to me .
Speaker 2Just ignore him .
Speaker 1It's okay , I got him . Y'all just play and don't Don't worry about him . I got him . But I'm saying to Bible , do I say that ? It does say that why does it say about a woman ? It don't say that about a man . Why ? I mean just you might have extended revelation on it .
Speaker 2I'm tempted to go and dig up all the stuff that it says about a man .
Speaker 1But I'm not gonna do that .
Speaker 2Okay , cause that's not love . But what I will say is that the traditional role of a woman being the wife and the mother being the homemaker . It's easy to nag , it's easy to okay . These are the rules of the house . Follow them . Pick up your stuff , pick up your shoes , don't you know ? Get your stuff , get it together . It's just easy . Like please take out the trash . Dude , I asked you a hundred years ago to take out the trash . Please do it .
Speaker 1Right , right , right . I will say this for most men , and you know I always love , I love to speak to women like as daughters . I love to speak to them as daughters and sisters , but your man does not need another mother .
Speaker 2True .
Speaker 1And if you start to treat your husband like you are his mother ?
Speaker 1you will start to lose or hurt the relationship . He doesn't need another mother , he needs a wife , he needs a helpmate , he needs a partner , he needs a companion . You know , and I know it's vice versa and other things , but I think it's important for women sometimes , because what I'm finding and this is not across the board , but there are many women who've just they just have never really been around a manly man . They just haven't had a lot of men in their life , and when the man is just being a man , it's almost like he's being demonized just for who God's made him to be . And so I think your ministry has always been to teach women really how to serve their man and honor their man , and for me , my ministry has always been to teach men how to love their wives , like Christ got on a cross . That's how .
Speaker 2I should serve you and honor you and lift you up , and that crossroads is where healthy marriages are found and I think you know , I think I wanna point out the difference between a mother and a wife , because I think some people are mothering their husbands and don't even know it . So a mother will come in and kind of coddle , nourish , nurture in a way that is hovering , that I'm going to keep you safe , I'm going to provide for you , I'm going to . This is from a mother to a child . I am in authority over you . I tell you what to do . You respect , you know that's a mother . A wife comes beside . A wife comes under and supports the man .
Speaker 2Yeah , a wife holds him up , a wife respects and honors . A wife says what is it that's on the inside of your heart ? Okay , tell me that . Okay , that's what we're gonna set and believe for our family . I'm gonna pray for you in this way , a wife nurtures , but not as like a mother would nurture . A wife nurtures in a wonderful way that we have the privilege to nurture and to touch and to you know all of those things , but that's the difference between like a mother and a wife . You know what I mean .
Speaker 1I hear the word incubation and I think that a lot of wives don't know how to incubate . Can you just talk about that for a minute ? Yeah ?
Speaker 2And so you know , just like in we incubate a baby , okay , there's a seed that you have on the inside of you . You plant that seed on the inside of me and I grow it . I grow it into a full , grown , beautiful , live , living baby and I give birth to it and now it's manifested in this world . So God has given us and our family , through you and you know , sometimes me too , but I'm just talking about the man right now but God has given you dreams on the inside of you and those dreams , when you speak them in seed form , in forms of words to me , I take those dreams , I take those seeds and I take it on the inside of me , I nurture it .
Speaker 1I grow it . You remind me of it . I pray about it . You push me towards it . I take it before God . You prophesy over me concerning it . Until that thing grows and develops , we incubate it .
Speaker 2And then we can now you know , I don't think that I'm not here just like you're with me in the labor room pushing that thing out , Like we can push it out together . It's not just yours , but this is ours together . Your dreams are my dreams , my dreams are your dreams , and so we push this out together .
Speaker 1We have a different part to play in the family dynamic . And I'm not saying that our dynamic is everybody's dynamic but , I , think the principles remain , that there's just something about the woman that has the ability to incubate .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1And so the woman can actually abort the man's vision , or she can help it . She can incubate it and remind him of it . Baby , you said we was gonna be debt free in the next three years . I'm here to support you whatever you need . I can start shopping at whatever grocery store . I need to Just wanna remind you what you said .
Speaker 2I'm here to support you .
Speaker 1She's not tearing him down , she's always building him up . She's not ridiculing him , she's not sweating the small stuff . So it's just amazing , because when I think of incubation , I think the difference between mothering and wives is a completely different posture . Like you said , it's not a hovering over , it's a coming beside to push you up , because whenever you push me , you push yourself .
Speaker 1And then I turn around and I wanna serve you and I'm getting low and I'm pushing you up , and when I push you up I push myself up and I just feel like that that's . Healthy marriages are found in the crossroads of all those principles right there . All those principles you dropping down today , girl , Tell us more tell us We've also learned over the years . We are to let kindness rule our tongue , and you know you are a super kind person .
Speaker 1You're a super nice person and I feel like you do well at that . Kindness Anything on that . When it comes to not sweating the small stuff , let kindness rule your tongue .
Speaker 2I will say that I think a lot of people are not kind men and women because they don't want their kindness to be mistaken for weakness . And I think you know I find this out even with our children . Like I'm very kind to our children , but every once in a while , like this morning , for example , I had to , not that I wasn't kind , but I had to like yeah , I had to get some people yesterday too . I had to be like okay , first of all , you're talking to your mother , so put some respect on it .
Speaker 2Second of all , I'm not dumb , don't treat me like that . So I had to like kind of I don't know what it's called Use my authority . I had to like kind of step to them a little bit to say you know , okay , whatever . And say , hey , just because I'm nice to you and I give you , you know , I'm your parent , I'm supposed to do that and I love up on you . I'm always kind , I'm always cheering you on . Don't think that I won't take you out .
Speaker 1I brought you in this world . I'll take you out .
Speaker 2So I think but I'm reminded of that right now because I think , as husband and wife , sometimes , you know we can , you know , think well , I'm not going to be kind or I'm not going to be , you know , they just don't want to be mistaken for being weak or don't want to be taken advantage of .
Speaker 2But according to scripture that's not the case , that when you are kind and when you love people , when you turn the other cheek , when you do things like that now , you have God on your side . You're not just being kind , but you are working the word , and when you work the word , it works for you .
Speaker 1I don't know . I just feel like if we could just set ourselves to be super kind , it would change our marriages . It would just make it better If , instead of getting upset , frustrated , annoyed , angry , whatever you want to call it of small stuff , just be kind .
Speaker 1Just be kind and see what happens . And so , lastly , I think we've also learned that we can all be CEOs . I call it , I'm the CEO , the chief encouragement officer , I'm the CEO at church . That's what I want to be . I'm the CEO and my family , I want to be the chief encouragement officer , and I just feel like it's powerful , when people set themselves to be CEOs , that you can be the chief encouragement officer . And so here's the question that I would like to ask our viewers Would you want to live with you ? That's what I would ask everybody who's watching and listening . Would you want to live with you If we were a fly on the wall of your attitude , posture , disposition at home ? Would you really want to live with you ? And I want to be the kind of person that if you were watching my life not this on TV , podcast life but home , when no cameras are there and nobody's around I want to exemplify a life that other people would say . I want to behave like that as a husband . I want to be like that as a father .
Speaker 1I want to be those characteristics there , the characteristics of Jesus , and that's how I want to be , and so I'm not perfect at it , but that's what I'm working for and I want to take like thousands of men along with me to be those stable , character-driven , principle-driven visionaries that are men of God , that lead their house in spiritual things with great vision , until it's all done and we're before Jesus .
Speaker 2Amen . I think that's a great perspective
. I've said over the years that I've joked and said that I don't just try not to take myself too seriously and to give everyone else the same outs and same grace that I would give myself . And so sometimes we bark at everyone else and we're so annoyed by everyone else in the house , whether spouse or kids , and we forget that it's like the man who has a splinter in a log in his eye that points to the splinter in his brothers . So I've never wanted to be that person and I'll jokingly say I get on my own nerve sometimes .
Speaker 2Like girl , just shut up . Do you hear yourself Like ? Come on , that's a principle , but it's just , and I've always , you know , tried to live by those principles . But , like you said , I don't think I've ever had that frame , that word , to say what I want to live with myself , and I think that's a goal to reach . Would you want to live with you ?
Speaker 1Yeah , On a scale of one to 10 , 10 being oh yeah , I would love that .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1I don't know . What kind of atmosphere do you create ?
Speaker 2in the home .
Speaker 1Yeah , and I don't know . I feel like even if somebody's checking us out and they're like , I admit I'm horrible , I'm frustrated , I'm annoyed it's always that time of the month so to say you know what I'm saying I feel like there are tools , there's tools . Nobody's perfect . You don't have to . You know down on yourself , Just let's learn some new tools to get some new results , absolutely .
Speaker 1You know , there's a scripture that comes to me in 1 Corinthians , 13 , verse number three , 13 , verse number four through 10 . And this is what we call like the love chapter , and so if you want to do any devote time , check out 1 Corinthians , chapter 13 , verse four through 10 . Let's read it in different translations Today we're going to look at the NIV . It says and it defines love . It says love is patient , love is kind .
Speaker 1Love is kind it doesn't envy , it doesn't boast , it's not proud , it doesn't dishonor others , it's not self-seeking , it's not easily angered , it keeps no records of wrong Love doesn't delight in evil but rejoices with the truth . It always protects , always trusts , always hopes , always perseveres . Love never fails . Whether they be prophecies , they will cease . Whether they be tongues , they will be stilled . Whether there is knowledge , it shall pass away . For we know in part and we prophesy in part . But when completeness comes , what is in part disappears . And so this is kind of .
Speaker 1I guess we didn't have to read all the way to verse 10 . I could have just stopped where it says love never fails . But I just feel like if we get this in our heart , it changes the game . Our marriage can go from a two to a six overnight , a six to a nine overnight , if we really understood charity , which is the agape love of God being translated love in this translation , what sticks out to you from 1 Corinthians 13 ? Because , when it comes , don't sweat the small stuff . It's because my love is covering all those small stuff .
Speaker 1The small stuff is there , it's in every home , it's in every marriage , it's easy , it's easy to come in . And you know , I lead an organization to say , well , I don't like this , I don't like that , I don't like this , I don't like that . I don't want my staff to like , oh , here he come , here he come . I'm sure he going to point out the negative , like everybody sees the negative . Okay , and there's a way that you can unfold those things family meetings , there's a way that you can get everything better . But you want to create an atmosphere of love and encouragement and joy and celebration . And just , there's something anointed about the love chapter . Anything sticks out to you on that ?
Speaker 2Oh man , there's so much . I will say that the title that we're talking about today is don't sweat the small stuff , meaning don't DD , don't Do not .
Speaker 2And in the definition of love it says love is patient , love is kind . And then it goes into what love is not . Love does not envy , does not boast , is not proud , does not dishonor , it's not . So it's like in order for God to show us what love is , he also had to tell us what love is not . Yeah , and love is not sweating the small stuff . And so I think it's sometimes you have to pay attention to what you shouldn't do , so you will know what To do . Should do , yeah .
Speaker 1I love it because it actually defines love Like love is patient .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Like quit , like needing things to happen overnight , like with your kids and your spouse . Like slow down Give them space , give them space .
Speaker 2They're trying their best Give them grace . They got a life .
Speaker 1They got their own problems . Love is kind . Yeah , like you are naturally a kinder person . Yeah , kindness is always something that I'm developing , but I'm never going to be at your level of kindness . The scripture says my voice doesn't even sound as kind as you . My look , like I look at myself . My eyes , they don't seem as like your cheekbones and your smile . Something about you is kinder than me , but God knows my heart . I want to be kind , I really do .
Speaker 2Well , here's the thing . But we can all grow in it . The scripture says that let kindness be the law of your tongue . So that means that kindness is a law that I've put on my tongue . So it's like there is . If something comes out of your mouth that is not kind , well , the law is that you don't say it , that you don't you know you don't say it . So it's kind of like it's a law . It's God . Help me to allow kindness to be the law of my tongue , yeah .
Speaker 1I love it . It's a law , okay . Love doesn't envy , it doesn't boast . Love is not proud . I like that one cause . It's the opposite of humility . Love doesn't dishonor others , and I think when you be little people and you are just too petty and it's just , you just sweat the small stuff , you actually are just dishonoring them . Love is not self-seeking , that means it's not selfish , and so I think one of the reasons that people sweat the small stuff is because it's about what you like , it's about what's annoying you , it's about what's getting on your nerves . You're not even thinking about the other person that the very fact that you get , the very fact that you are on your last nerve , is getting on my nerves . Don't sweat the small stuff .
Speaker 2It's the last straw .
Speaker 1Well , that gets on my nerves too , cause it's the last straw .
Speaker 2Why is everything , the last straw .
Speaker 1Come on , man , love is not easily angered , so to me that means like that doesn't matter . Remember when we said love ignores a lot and love keeps no records of wrong . I don't have all of these records and you did this and you didn't say that , and you didn't pick this up and you didn't do that . So what I'm saying today is could it be that we need to develop the fruit of love ? We need to read real books on love .
Speaker 1That we need to ask God to help us pour his love . Romans 5 , 5 , and to our heart by the Holy Spirit . And when you get filled up with love , you will become blinder to some of the small stuff .
Speaker 2We were blinded by love in the first place .
Speaker 1Blinded by love . I love that , so we just need to become blind by love again . We need to be blind by love again . Let me declare the spirit of First Corinthians over you guys . This is in the message Bible . Listen to this same passage message .
Speaker 2Bible .
Speaker 1Love never gives up . Love never cares more for others than for self , or love cares more for others than for self . That's the problem . Love doesn't want what it doesn't have . Love doesn't strut , doesn't have a swelled head , doesn't force itself on others Isn't always me first , doesn't fly off the handle , doesn't keep more score of the sins of others , doesn't revel when others grovel , takes pleasure in the flowering of truth . It puts up with anything . It trusts God , always , always , looks for the best , never looks back , but it always keeps going to the end because love never dies .
Speaker 1Woo , we declare that spirit of love over you and I believe that when it's in your heart and in your home the small stuff that you've been sweating you won't sweat no more . All right , we're out of time for today , but we hope that you enjoyed today's podcast . If you're watching YouTube , make sure that you hit the subscribe button so that you can be the first to get the content when it's released . We drop a new episode every Thursday at 3 pm . If you are free on 3 pm , there's a whole bunch of people tuning in live . If not , of course , you can catch the playback .
Speaker 1We believe that caring is sharing and sharing is caring . One of the best things you can do with our podcast is simply pay it forward . There are married people around the world that is in need of this content . I'm happy to announce that now we are on TV here on the Super Channel in Orlando , and we're also on TV in Russia . And what are we doing ? We're helping marriages in Russia and the Ukraine
.
Speaker 1If you are in Russia or the Ukraine , please get on social media , jump on . Just let us know who you are and how this content is blessing you all around the world , if it's been really good to you . Make sure that you leave us a positive review , because those things really bless us as well . We got a new product out for you guys . We hope that you get it . We wanna help your marriage be better , so grab hold of the Better Marriage Bootcamp , and until next Thursday . We got a new one coming for you next Thursday . You gonna wanna make sure that you hear for next Thursday , because we're going all the way up on that one . All right , hey , we love y'all and we'll see you soon .
Speaker 2Peace .