Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , hey , hey . What's up everybody ?
Speaker 2Hey everyone .
Speaker 1Welcome to another edition of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . This is the Valentine's Day Week edition right here there's some love and the atmosphere . Of course I'm here with Tabitha . We've been married for 24 years . At this point it's been the best 22 years of my life Come on babe , but we're getting better and better as time goes along .
Speaker 2We are getting better and better .
Speaker 1And I would like to just say happy Valentine's Day . And I would also like to publicly ask will you be my Valentine ?
Speaker 2Oh , that is so sweet and unexpected . You're so sweet .
Speaker 1Is the answer yes .
Speaker 2Yes , you are , I am your forever Valentine , forever Valentine .
Speaker 1Yes , so I hope you guys had a great day on yesterday and we got a lot of great things we're going to share with you on the day . Actually , today's segment is called Five Ways to Care for your Husband . We were going to call it Five Ways to Take Care of your man , but we like to keep it very close . Tomato , tomato , but you're a specialist in this and I just think it's going to help a wife . It's going to help a woman really understand some things that she can do . It's going to be fun , yeah , to take care of her man .
Speaker 2It's going to be fun , but listen before we get into it . I want to say thank you to everyone out there for tuning in . We appreciate you so much and we are just blessed to be able to be a blessing that our lives can impact you , motivate you , help you , that you can learn from our mistakes and listen . I wanted to read this one testimony that came in , and this is from Cara Lopez . I don't know if I'm saying that right 57 . But she says I think it's , I'm assuming she .
Speaker 2Thank you , guys so much for all of your content . Exclamation mark . Exclamation mark . I had been asking God to help me and show me what I need to see , and then your videos started showing up for me , and you've helped me so much . I even started playing your video loud in front of my boyfriend one day , and now he listens to you too . Exclamation mark . This is all so helpful to us not having parents on either side to show us truly how to live in a godly way . You've been like parents for us and we couldn't be more thankful . What a blessing . How sweet is that . Thank you so much for writing in and it's such an honor to be a part of your lives .
Speaker 1And that's why we do what we do . We really started this podcast with one main theme in mind we wanted to help people grow closer to God number one , but also closer to the relationships and the people that God has placed in their life .
Speaker 1So if you're new to our podcast , please make sure that you hit the Subscribe button so that you can be the first to get the content when it's dropped , and I would also like to say that we now we have developed a tool to really be able to help you have a better marriage .
Speaker 2Now , if you want to have a better marriage .
Speaker 1let us know in the comments right now , but I believe you're here and you're watching this because you really want to have a better marriage , or maybe you're single , but you know somebody that needs to have a better marriage . I am happy to announce that we have officially launched the Better Marriage Bootcamp online . This is a 90-day journey with yours truly , ken and Tabitha . We want to walk with you . We have been married for 24 years and we do not know everything . We know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two .
Speaker 1We don't know everything , but we know what we know We've had some ups y'all , and we've had some downs , and what we've done is we've put our foot . And that's what they said back in the day when you put your foot in it . That means that we gave you everything we have in a 12-part bootcamp . We're going to help you whip your marriage into shape . And you're going to have to make an investment . Many times , people want something for nothing and it just doesn't work that way .
Speaker 1There's an investment that you have to make , and I really think that marriages that are on cruise control will end up being shipwrecked , because marriage is something that , after you do it five years , 10 years , you can say , well , we've already done that . And if you're on cruise control , you're probably declining instead of inclining . And marriage takes an investment . Just like going to the gym , just like improving at your career , you have to invest in the most important human relationship that you have on the planet , which is your marriage , and so my question would always be for people how many conferences have you went to about marriage ? How many books have you read about marriage ?
Speaker 1How many podcasts have you read and many times it's like well , I did that five years ago or 10 years ago .
Speaker 1No , we need to be investing in this relationship Consistent continual maintenance Continually , and so to help you guys with that , we got so many DMs and emails asking for marriage counseling and we knew we couldn't meet with everybody . But now we have the better marriage bootcamp A 90 day , 12 part training module to help good marriage , bad marriages , become good , good marriages become great and great marriages become out of this world . If you want more information about the Better Marriage Bootcamp , go over to kinntabithacom . That website link should be in the show notes and you can find more information out about that and we're excited about that . But are you ready for the show today , sweetheart ?
Speaker 2Let's go , I am ready .
Speaker 1Today is five ways to take care . Everybody say take care .
Speaker 2Take care .
Speaker 1To take care of your husband and , like I said , we've been married for 24 years and my running joke is that it's been the best 22 years of my life because the first two years it was bad .
Speaker 1It was bad and I usually say , now that you got yourself together , things are a whole lot better . And you know every joke has like half truth to it and there are elements of truth . But if I was serious , there was a season when we , when our marriage was headed for divorce , that you decided to be the hero in the home . There was specific things that you did to win my heart . There was specific things you did to create the right atmosphere in the home . There was specific things that you did that got my attention and moved me from going that way to going the right way . And I want it just to take a segment today and just let you share the principles with women around the world , with wives that just want to be the best wives that they can be . We are here , we are ready for you to fry us . We are your end .
Speaker 2That's so funny , yeah , okay , so yeah , let's just get into it , let's talk about it . So I have five ways to take care of your husband and you know , I'll just say upfront that this is my perspective , you know , and it's not the only five ways , but there are just five principles maybe that I apply to our marriage and some of them have been , you know , like tested and proven . You know , because , like , I've learned the hard way all of that stuff . But I want to start with number one , or actually , let me say this because this happened just recently .
Speaker 2We went to see a movie , we had a date night , we went out with some pastors and we went downtown Orlando and saw a live play , and it was about a woman who was on Broadway , all of this stuff , she was a big to do , right , and they're telling the story of her relationship where she falls in love with a man and the man just comes out there in kind of an argument and he says because I love you , and she's like , oh , you love me . And then she immediately says back to him let's get married . And then she goes on and on about getting married and living in this happily ever after life , and at that moment I felt like , oh , my goodness , this is going to end up badly , this is not gonna be right . She already made a major mistake in that she just jumped the gun . Like he just said , I love you . And she's like . She didn't even give him the opportunity to propose , to go ring shopping , to tell his friends and family about her , to do anything . She just let's get married .
Speaker 2And then they fast forward . You know , they get married and all throughout their marriage they're getting into arguments because there's a power struggle going on in their relationship . She's famous and wealthy . She doesn't need him to provide for her , and so . But he wants to be a man . He wants to provide for his family . He doesn't need to make more money than her , he just wants to provide . He just wants to make decisions . But she would come in and at one point she just had a baby and she wanted him to stay home and take care of the baby . She didn't want him to go to work and do his thing , she wanted him to stay home and take care of the baby Because she had so much money While she went at work .
Speaker 1Yeah , she was very wealthy , she was a wealthy singer , but he was kind of dying on the inside .
Speaker 2Yeah , and it was . And I'm just saying there's all kinds of perspective , but I'm giving a perspective here . And yeah , on the inside he's like , yeah , you know he would gladly stay home and take care of the baby , but there's something inside of him as a man he wants to go and put his hands to the plow , he wants to work and so , anyway , to fast forward . At their marriage ended in divorce and so it wasn't , you know , the happiest ending . But I knew from the beginning of the movie this is how it's going to go down , and what was your point that you wanted us to take ?
Speaker 2My point is she did not know how to take care of her man . Oh yeah , all throughout .
Speaker 1Uh-huh , yeah , there was a lot of mistakes that she made , but they haven't seen the show . They don't know exactly what we're talking about .
Speaker 2I know , I know , I know .
Speaker 1But that's what we want to prevent . We want to help , you know , and we'll do another one with husbands . So , please , y'all , we're coming , we'll do one with husbands . How do you take care of your wife ?
Speaker 1But today , we want to be a blessing , we want to be a lifeline , we want to help you because the woman to me has such a power and a lot of women don't know the power or they use their power in a destructive way and that wife , she has such an anointing and a power to be able to create an atmosphere that resembles heaven to be able to build him up or tear him down to be able to encourage him or discourage him .
Speaker 1And I tell people all the time , especially those looking to get into ministry I'm like you got to be careful , who you marry Especially . I mean I'm telling you people say , well , I feel a call of God on my life . I always look at their spouse and I see how mature is their spouse , because who you marry does matter . There's a law called the law of the lid and sometimes you can be , have this great call and want to do some great things , but if you marry someone who's down here , you're going to put yourself under that lid .
Speaker 1So I need you just to help us , because I feel like this is an area that you get an A plus in . You get an A plus in Now you could be doing a little bit better right now , but you're kind of running all around trying to handle all kinds of things . And that's another conversation . We have some family meetings , that we need to have people , but for the most part I know your heart your heart is to take care of your man . Can you just share with us these five things ?
Speaker 2Yes , okay , number one honor him in the home . Honor him in the home . I feel like , you know , honor is a big thing for me . I will even throw like honor respect . In my experience , the man needs to be honored in his own home . When he comes home , he needs to feel like this is his house . I like for my man to feel like he is the king of the castle . You know every , and I'm just saying in general , men want to be the king of their castle . You know they want to come home and they want to feel like they have a say so in their own house and I feel like , so that honor thing is big for me .
Speaker 2I do little things and every person is different , but I do little things to just help you feel like , okay , you have a place in this house and you're honored when you come home . When our kids were smaller , even now , when you walk through the door and they're just laying down eating or watching TV or whatever , like I've trained them to acknowledge the fact that you're a daddy , that your father just walked through the door hey dad , how you doing today ? Girls get up , give him a hug , give him a kiss . You know , son , even sons get up and give your daddy a hug , you know , welcome him home . So things like that , little things like you know , when you eat , when we have dinner basically every day , you know we have a family dinner together and I let the kids know , like , okay , wait , we're all gonna wait till daddy comes down , cause you're usually in the office somewhere and everyone's doing stuff and so I get on Alexa and I'm like Alexa , now
it's time to eat .
Speaker 2So everyone comes down to the kitchen . We don't pray and bless the food until daddy gets here . Where's daddy ? You know what I mean . So when you get down in the kitchen , we all wait , we bless the food and then they know , because kids will eat everything , they will just demolish everything in sight .
Speaker 1And so they're very selfish , very self-centered .
Speaker 2What they wanna do is grab their food and take all the you know and it's like , but we don't have anything . It's tore up . No , they know . Wait , I'm going to get daddy's plate and I'm going to serve daddy first . Now , everyone might not do that . I know people who don't . You know , the man comes and serves a wife , but in my house that's what I like to do .
Speaker 1That's what we're talking about .
Speaker 2But you like that too in your house . You like that honor and respect that I give to you . Yes , amen , and so and it's my love language too . So I like I serve your plate . We learn . You know , some things . I learned the hard way to like a while ago , maybe years ago now , cause you don't eat cake . You don't eat cake like that anymore .
Speaker 2But there was a time when I would bake cakes . I would bake a cake weekly , because if there wasn't a piece of cake for you to eat at night before you went to bed , you did not like it . But the kids , they would eat the cake . And I mean , months went by and at the end of the day you would come home and be like who ate the last piece of cake ? And I'm like , oh Lord , somebody ate the last piece of cake . So then I made the kids hey , there is a rule in our house to this day they will not eat the last piece of cake , the last cupcake , the last cookie , the last piece of pie , without coming to ask daddy , because that , I mean , that's just what it is . Anyway , they're little things , but I want you to feel honored in your own home . You know like , can I come home , please open up the refrigerator and get a drink without having it emptied out cause everyone else came in to get their stuff ? There's just little things that I like to pay attention to , what you like .
Speaker 1Well , first off I would say thank you for that . You're welcome Because it does make me feel good , it makes me feel valued , it makes me feel loved and it does make me feel honored . And you know the Bible cause . I go back to the word of God , with everything it says that the wife should honor her husband or reverence her husband just like , oh , you do benevolence .
Speaker 1I think we owe each other benevolence and we owe each other honor . But I think it's important for wives to know that God has hard-wired a man to receive honor . But I would ask this question why do you think that's hard for some women ? Because even as I'm saying this , I almost feel some woman's flesh kind of rising light . But he don't honor me . And why do I have to do that ? I don't wanna build up his ego and for some reason and I saw this back in the day , like in the old school church , if they had a pastor , they would almost want their pastor to go through . If he got a nice Cadillac , people get upset that he had a new car . It was almost like they wanted to keep him humble , they wanted to keep him low .
Speaker 1They wanted to keep him poor , not knowing that you can't go beyond the head , and so they actually wanted to tear him down , and I think there's some wives in the home that they would rather tear down their husband cause they don't want him to get the big head . I don't want him to think that he's all that , and actually you're hurting yourself by tearing him down instead of building him up .
Speaker 2But I don't know what's your perspective on that . I think that is something that most of us have been taught or heard somewhere along the line , whether it was from a family member or a TV show or something we've heard in the world is that we need to keep people humble , and that is not a godly principle , though God does not do things like that to . I mean , god will humble us , but it's not like we don't have to control people . To make them humble , to manipulate ?
Speaker 1yeah , they have to be humble by their own discipline .
Speaker 2Yeah , and as for me , you know the Bible does teach that you reap what you sow , and I do what I do as seeds , because I want you to treat me the same way . But then also , I don't know , I just feel like it is something that I forgot what I was gonna say .
Speaker 1It's okay , I mean , I think it's so good To me . Honor I just feel like we need to hear more teaching on honor . We need to do more study on honor , because honor is not a position of weakness . It takes a very mature person to deflect honor , because a lot of people , they want honor for themselves .
Speaker 1I want to be built up , I want to be on the pedestal , I want this , that and other , but what you're saying is that you're sewing honor . So one of the reasons that I honor you so much and I'm always talking about honoring your wife , serving your wife , submitting to one another , I want to make your dreams come to pass Is because that is the harvest of the seed that you've been sowing . Now you could flip it around and say it's the harvest of the seed that I've been sowing , but I don't know who's sowing more or who's sowing first . All I know is that I like my harvest and you like yours , and I'm really trying to help somebody who just feels like no , he got to do it for me before I do it for him , and it's an eye for an eye . No , why don't you sew there before you can go there ? And there's just something about a man's heart , that will be transformed and changed when you just decide to honor him . I just , I don't know .
Speaker 1I would tell any wife just make up something this week just to honor your husband . Build him up , encourage him and just watch what it does on the inside . Watch his response to that .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think I mean , yeah , that's all I did . And you know you , we said at the beginning of the podcast like the first two years were terrible , and then you mentioned me being the hero in the home . I don't know , I don't really think I was the hero . I was just a person who I did my part . Like the marriage was terrible 50% of it was because of me and I had to get myself together . And once I got myself together , it was just like okay , let me get my marriage together . And so what I was doing was making decisions based on the word of God to serve my man and love you and build you up so that I can have the relationship that I want . But I found in that , because of the biblical principles , that when I was good to you , you were good to me .
Speaker 1Come on , let's do that , and you know , when I lifted you up , you had lifted me up . That's a lot better than me being bad to you because you've been bad to me , and you've been bad to me because I've been bad to you . No , flip that thing . I'm gonna do good to you because you've been good to me , and I'm gonna just keep doing good , no matter what you do , though , but we can go on and on with that . Can you give us number ?
Speaker 2two ? Yeah , okay , number two is create space for him in the home .
Speaker 1Create space .
Speaker 2Figuratively and literally okay .
Speaker 2So create space , meaning okay . So I guess you know , whenever you come into your own home , I think that it's really easy for the woman , and I'll speak for myself . We have so many rules and we decorate the house and we put you know , we design the house , we do everything the way we want it to be , but sometimes the man can come home and we treat you like one of the kids or you have so many rules so when you come home , I believe that a man wants to come home and feel like this is my house . Like I said , I'm the king of this castle , not to degrade the woman , because you're the queen .
Speaker 1Yeah , I feel like we have to add a lot of disclaimers though . But no , it's true Like listen , we're together , what mine is yours and what yours is mine . But there is something that's valuable about a man coming home and feeling like man I'm taking care of him and , like I said , I do this .
Speaker 2I say this because this is trial and error . I have been at a point where I had so many rules set because maybe I was taking care of the kids and I was working and I was trying to do ministry . So I'm like okay , I got the master plan , this is how I'm gonna do stuff , you know . And so , Ken , here's the rules . You just obey these rules and you just do what you gotta do . So when you come home you feel like man , you're not even welcoming your own home , because let's two-fold .
Speaker 1I mean one . I do like when you take care of everything domestically .
Speaker 1I'm actually in the season right now I was just thinking this morning that man our next family meeting I wanna have a little conversation about needing some domestic help here and there , because I'm in a season where I'm feeling more weight and more pressure and then it kind of leads over to domestic stuff . So there's a part of me that just loves it when you just kind of have it so controlled . I'm just like , okay , well , she moved the couch around , but it looks good and she won't move to TV . Like my wife is a mover of stuff , I do , and she's stronger than me .
Speaker 2But you've given me permission to do that .
Speaker 1I mean she will go and she will move a piece of furniture that should not be moved by one person alone .
Speaker 2You used to not like it .
Speaker 1And I'd be like how did you do that ? Did you not blow out your back ? Did you have 10 guys come over and help ?
Speaker 2you . I literally pray and the angels of the Lord help me . I am not lying .
Speaker 1So , anyway , what I'm saying is that she starts to move stuff that probably should not be moved . But I've given my wife , like , the green light . She can change whatever she wants to change in house , decor it any way she wants to decor it . So there's a part of me that likes that , but then the other side is that I just never want to be treated like a kid . That is a big annoyance for me . So if you start talking to me like a tone or an angle , as if .
Speaker 1I'm 10 or 12 , like the kids . That's the part that I don't like , so I understand what you're saying about the rules and everything , and so I don't know .
Speaker 2It's just , and it takes conversation as well , and it's observation , and sometimes it's trial and error . Like I said , you never came to me and told me like , quit treating me like the kids . Maybe you did .
Speaker 1And here and there I would say , hey , don't talk to me like that .
Speaker 2And so the trial and error . But I found that , ok , let me back off a little bit . One of the things that I found that really help is that so we have rules and you need rules , but some of the rules I would just make up and not let you know about it . And so you would come home and I'm like take off your shoes . It's a new rule , everybody has to take off their shoes in the house . And you're just like , yes , ma'am , and I'm like don't put them there , put them over here , take it . Don't leave your briefcase there . I put it in a different . I'm barking all of these rules at you , but what I found is OK , that was a mistake , don't do that , because that doesn't turn out nice . But when we have a family meeting , we can sit down together and I say , hey , babe , I would like to make these rules because of these reasons . And we talk one another and now it's not my rules that you have to obey , like one of the kids , it's our rules .
Speaker 1Well , that is a principle right there for any team or any organization . It's what we call buy-in . So , even as a senior leader , if I come to my staff and I'm like , hey guys , we're going to do this and we're going to do that , and we're going to do that , there's a percentage of early adapters that are like , yeah , let's go . Then we got the mid-adapters , like I'm not sure . Then we got the late adapters . They're like I don't see it at all . And so , as a leader , my job is to get buy-in . And so , as a wife , what you're trying not to do is go in and just bark orders , but you're presenting them in a way . This is what I'd like to do , and why ? Because then it's not your rules , it's our rules .
Speaker 1And I just feel like it's important that when we have talked , what we're just saying is like high level , because you've got to have family meetings . You've got to have communication and we're tricking along down to agreement , but I think it's important . Yeah , absolutely , but I will say this . Can I say this before you jump when are you going to go ? I feel like the Holy Spirit is saying that there are some wives who love our podcast and it's time for them to invite their husbands to start watching this podcast as well .
Speaker 1I know that we have a great majority of women and wives who are listening and watching , but it's really time for them to invite the men that are in their lives , because there are men and men need this even more than women sometimes . We need principles , we need mentorship and we don't even know it , and there are many men that are out there and they're doing everything . In their first generation , they didn't have a father , they didn't have a husband to look at and some of them did , but it wasn't a good example and they need modern mentorship of principles that work for today's marriage . And so I just want to invite you guys to start to invite the men in your life to tune into this podcast , because there are God's given me an anointing for men Like I can help , because I'm a man's
man . I love talking to men . I can help men on how to think , how to grow , finance provision , how to build stuff , so forth and so on , and so let's make sure that we do that .
Speaker 2I feel like I got that from the Lord . It's just like the person who wrote in . She just played it out loud . Just put it on the TV screen throughout the day when you're cleaning the house and let your husband hear it .
Speaker 1And it's good stuff , if all my man , who's been tuning in , love you guys , let's keep up the good work . What else you got for us today ?
Speaker 2Okay , so make space for him .
Speaker 1And this is good , by the way . Thank you .
Speaker 2Good , good Thanks for him , figuratively , you know . One thing I would say about that too is also paying attention to what you like . This kind of goes into honor and making space . It's like paying attention to what you like . So , like you like basketball and I know you like it , and so when the game comes on , I turn on the game on the TV . So when you walk in the door you know you're watching the game . Or if it's , like you know , a Sunday afternoon and the kids are playing and you know when the kids were growing up , sometimes they're watching all of these cartoons and stuff like that .
Speaker 1No , we're not gonna do yeah .
Speaker 2I don't let the kids take over Daddy's in the house . Let's put on the basketball game . I teach the kids basketball . We all just partake in it as a family .
Speaker 1Yeah , you , some of what we're talking about , cause we don't go over these things many times before we have the podcast . You're reminding me of how you have woven these principles through our home .
Speaker 2And as you're talking .
Speaker 1I'm thinking like , yeah , when I come in , no one fights me over what to watch , I can watch whatever I want to watch . Like whatever daddy wants to watch is what we're gonna watch . And I'm not a bonehead either , Like I'm not trying to take over all the time I'm always like well , I'm letting everybody do whatever they want to do , but God knows that it's good that you've set that culture .
Speaker 2Yeah , and if you're not careful , and I know , like the kids , you know kids , cam . I'm talking a lot about kids because before we had kids , I just set the house Like I knew what you'd like and I didn't have three kids to care for 24 seven , so it was all about you and I did so much for you at that time I miss those times . You miss those times , I know .
Speaker 1Yeah , we're gonna kick these kids out . We're gonna get back there . We'll get there one day . I love my kids , but they do .
Speaker 2But like even our kids now , like there's a place that you sit at . At our table , at the kitchen table , there is a place . Talk about Paris , there is your seat , jesus , and you know other people might not care , but in my house there's a seat that you sit .
Speaker 1You sit at the head of the table and we got this one stank kid that always wanna sit in my space and she wants to go in your seat and I have to like .
Speaker 2Just like the day before yesterday I had to go and tell her cause you weren't home yet . Why are you sitting in your daddy's seat ? Get , like I'm I make , because there's a seed of honor that I'm trying to sow Like ghost . Get , get out of the seat .
Speaker 1He's coming , let it be ready for him and we're jokingly telling you this , cause I think that this kid right here just likes to be where we are . It's almost like she is probably a leader in the making and going to be who we are .
Speaker 1But it's like if it's mine , she wants it , if it's yours , she wants it . She will take your hair , stuff . She will sit in your seat . She will act like you are not there and it's just like oh my God , so I see you . I mean , this is like a weekly conversation . Get out of daddy's seat . Get out of daddy's seat , get your own seat . And it's almost like why ? Why even sit there ?
Speaker 2Like she'll start looking around like you know you're not supposed to be sitting there . I think she likes it just for us to be like move . I don't know . She likes the tough love .
Speaker 1Yeah , she's like that's a principle .
Speaker 2Yeah , but anyway that's just honor and respect in your home , making space for you in the home and then literally making space . So like I found that for you as a man , there's times where you just want to be alone . You don't want to talk to anyone , whether it's five minutes , 10 minutes an hour , a couple hours . You just need your thinking space , your private time .
Speaker 1Give us perspective on that .
Speaker 2The perspective is and I hear this like I need my private time too . But , honestly , I go in my bathroom , I take a bath . I like , as a woman in my house , I know where to go . I would literally hide from our kids when they were younger Okay , and just be like , okay , I need five minutes . But as a man , I just make sure . Or as a wife , I make sure that you have a space that's yours Now , right now you have a . You know , you used to have an office . What was just like all yours , but right now I have a space where it's like your office .
Speaker 1And you set that space up for me .
Speaker 2And I made it specifically for you .
Speaker 1And she comes and she'll put all of my cell phone wires , all of my laptop wires , so that I don't have to look for anything . Well , I know you don't do that , I organize everything , she'll organize everything for me , All your pens are here , and I'll just walk in one day and she'll just have everything completely in order because she knows , at the pace that my life goes , that's something that's a blessing to me .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's just like your personal assistant in the house , like , okay , we moved into a new house . Okay , you're gonna need an area set up and I asked you before baby , what is it that you need ? Will this function right for you ? Okay , I think I'm gonna buy you a new one of these this one's old and I set it all up for you .
Speaker 2But then there's also things like in our bedroom . I have a space for you in the bedroom , like there's a couch , there's a TV , there's tables , the remote sits right here on your side of the bed , like everything . I have a couple of spaces that are tailored just for you . But it's just because I want you to be able to come home and feel welcome in your home . I want you to feel honored and respected in your own home and I want you to feel like it is a safe place for you . Like just let me go here for like 10 minutes , put my feet up and relax . Now , some people might not have a separate office or a den or a big bedroom or whatever , but you could have a chair with a stool that he can put his feet up on just for a few minutes . Like make a space in the corner of the living room , someplace that could be his own . I found that for you , that works well for your mental health .
Speaker 1So it works well for my ability to handle the weight and the pressure and the persecution that I'm under . It gives me strength to go back out the doors and to , when spoiled , to bring it home to my family . It gives me the wind beneath my wings , so to say , to continue to be a spiritual leader in the home . It's just the breath of fresh air and you create that atmosphere , and I think that wives have that power to do that .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1I kind of parked for a minute on the part that you said that men might not need five minutes or 10 minutes to do nothing , and I kind of wanted to validate that a tad bit , because that might seem strange and I think it's okay . When we say men and women , we're talking in generalizations . There might be a woman who says I need that too . Well , that's fine . But what I'm saying is that for a husband , just because he needs five , 10 , 15 , 20 minutes of just quiet time , doesn't mean that he's not connected . It doesn't mean that he doesn't want to give you affection or put you first in other areas . It means that he just needs time to almost .
Speaker 1For me it's almost like Just give me time to think , give me time to almost .
I want to use the word like defrost or like what is the word when you're just like okay , unload , unload , unwind for a minute , decompress , and then jump into it with the kids . And so the hardest part for me is sometimes when I'm out and I'm making all of these decisions and then I come home and then soon as I walk on the door , there's kid decisions , homework decisions , family decisions , all these decisions , and it's like if I had a little bit of space to be like . Give me like 20 , 30 minutes to kind of unwind , maybe have some food , then I can kind of recharge to handle more responsibility and more decisions , and so I don't know what I'm hearing .
Speaker 1What you're saying is that you protect my nothing box . Mm-hmm , that's not offensive to you , mm-hmm , I'm just saying that for some women that might be . I don't know if it's offensive or not understand .
Speaker 2It's , it's you don't understand , and you know , I've been there and it's trial and error . Ladies , wives and these are really like wives of you know yet with young kids , you know it's hard , because when you come home , you have the kids running at you and you got to make dinner or like whatever your responsibilities are , so you can feel like , well , I want a nothing box too , I want time for me too , but I don't have the ability to do that . It's just an adjustment . And now the Bible says that as wives , we have the ability to adapt . We are adaptable in any situation when it comes to our husbands , our family and our family life . And so when I , what I did is that I knew that when you come home , right , typically I would pick up the kids from daycare right , you're kind of getting there , getting home first .
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm not working . It's not saying you don't have other responsibilities .
Speaker 1It's just that you got right .
Speaker 2I pick up the kids from daycare and so in the car , you know , we come home . When I would get home , I would let the kids because the kids I found were just like me , they just got home from a date , whether it's school or daycare or whatever . They just want to go to their rooms too and chill out and do nothing . And so what I would do was I already had pre-made snacks . The kids know , go get a snack and either they're gonna go to their rooms or , like with their babies two and three and stuff they would go . We had play pens . I would sit them in a playpen and I would turn on whatever their favorite TV show was . They didn't watch TV all day , but they might have 20 minutes or a 30 minute little show that I turned on and they had their snack and they ate and they played in their little , you know , playpen area .
Speaker 2The child is safe and mommy is sitting down on the couch , mommy's having a cup of tea , mommy's doing whatever she wants to do . But I would build in those spaces for me and then when daddy came home an hour later or whatever , daddy can come in , he can get a kiss from the kids . They go and they get , because they're yeah , you know they give a kiss to daddy and then daddy can go upstairs and do what he needs to do , just like mommy did . And if there were times where I feel like you know what , this is just too much , I really need a break . Babe , you know , go ahead when you come downstairs . Let me go upstairs for like 30 minutes . I need to take a hot bubble bath and we communicate and we plan those things .
Speaker 2But as the wife , I have the ability to make all of that happen .
Speaker 1Hey man , let's , for the sake of time , let's , let's keep it , okay .
Speaker 2Number three number three easy peasy is to serve him . Okay and you know I love to serve . I don't think serving is something that's bad .
Speaker 1I serve you you serve me , give it , give the ladies , give the wife , some examples of how they can serve their husband .
Speaker 2Well , I've given examples all throughout this podcast , um , but particularly two things I want to talk about . Well , one thing really is Ken's night . Okay and you know it's so funny because I was just speaking at an event a little while ago .
Speaker 1We are do a Ken's night , and let's just be you know so .
Speaker 2So Ken's night was something that I established before I had children , okay , and it was back when we were getting our marriage together . I said , if then it was a Tuesday night , I said I'm gonna pick one night every week and I'm going to serve my man , I'm gonna bless him , I'm going to give him a manicure , a pedicure . I mean not everything in one night , but you know , one night it might be a mani-pedi . One night it might be a full-body massage . One night it might be a little , you know , dancy-dancy going on , it might be a dinner in a movie , it might be dessert , it could be like just anything . I would just pick things just to serve you , you know , and you alone . And so it ended up being amazing .
I mean , I did it for years until we had a baby , and it was just like once a month and then Just doesn't happen anymore , but every once in a while I will break out .
Speaker 2Like you know , like currently I have a massage table in this year I've gotten four , maybe yes . Yes , it was my goal to do it every month , but I guess I fell off and forgot about it . Yeah , it's all good . Yeah , but I do have a massage table in our closet .
Speaker 2I have a foot bath in our closet come on , let's break it out so that whenever I , you know , want to give a make what give a kens night , I can . I whip it out real quick . I move the couch to the side , I put up my massage table and I'm like baby , like the candles .
Speaker 1You know all of that . What's the purpose or the why behind the kids night ?
Speaker 2The why behind it was for me . I just like it when you feel like I have the best wife in the world .
Speaker 1Okay , let's pause right there because you dropping some good groceries today . You like it when I feel like I have the best wife . I would Challenge , encourage a wife who's watching or listening to make their mind up that they want their husband to feel like they have the best wife in the world and make a list of things that you can do to make him feel that way , and Do it even before he starts doing it for you and just watch how it changes things in the home , watch how it improves things in the home .
Speaker 1But I like it that , you like that and I feel that way . I feel that way .
Speaker 2Yeah , and you know I'm just like a real Bible girl . I love the Bible and when I think about you know , was it Sarah in the Bible that called Abraham Lord , you know , and it's not like Lord , like God Lord , but just as in , like sir .
Speaker 2You know it was a respect , it was out of respect and honor and I just feel like I should call me lord . That's weird , but I just like that , like that honor , I want to serve you , do it as unto the Lord , and so anyway . So that that is kins night . But I was , a lady came up to me Just like a little while ago and she was like I went out and bought a massage table Because she's doing I forget her husband's name , but she is doing a , you know , ken's night All these years you've been talking about Ken's night and serving your man .
Speaker 1That's the only woman that you've ever met . Oh , Sally went out and bought a massage table . Yeah , it just makes me think are people hearing or are they doing ? Amazon , you can get a massage we want to hear more testimonies of you guys going to get a massage table , not just because of the massage table , just because you're a doer of the word .
Speaker 2Here's the thing , ladies , doers , that shall be now this isn't why I got a massage table , but I he will go and take the massage table out of the closet that I bought for him and set it up and light the candles . So the blessing comes back when you sow the seed he will take that same massage table that was meant for him and bring it and lay it out for you . So I mean , it's just , it's great , you reap what you sow .
Speaker 1I mean , really , if you're watching this and you're not a believer yet , these things , these are Bible principles . When it comes to service , service is something Jesus served us with his life , and so when you really grow in your faith , you will have this spirit of servitude . It's the same way that we serve our communities . It's the same way that we serve the poor . It's the same way that some serve in prisons . It's the same way that Jesus served us by getting us getting on the cross .
Speaker 1Now you've positioned yourself to serve me and I'm positioning myself to serve you , and it's a whole lot better than slapping each other . Serving each other is better than slapping each other . I was looking for word play with the S's . The serving and slapping was too far away , but y'all know what I mean ?
Speaker 2Oh , my goodness .
Speaker 1Point number four . Let's go to point number four .
Speaker 2Let's go to point number four . Point number four is enjoy sex often .
Speaker 1Oh yeah , talk about this . I mean , how can you talk about serving and taking care of your man if you don't talk ?
Speaker 2about your sex life .
Speaker 1I like it that you put enjoy sex often . Enjoy sex often .
Speaker 2Yeah , because here's the thing I'm speaking for the husbands and I know about you Is that he doesn't want you to just have sex , to get over it and just to get done with it , but he wants you to have sex and enjoy it .
Speaker 1We don't want the wet fish when it's like she , just laying there while you get what you gotta get and hope this is over with , and you just this sloppy wet fish .
Speaker 2That doesn't seem attractive or fun at all , I know , but that's what some you know like . Let's just get this over with no .
Speaker 1I actually got there from somebody else . I thought there was , oh my gosh .
Speaker 2Okay , so yeah , and I think so . He wants you to enjoy it and he wants you to have fun with it . And then also and this is something that I got from you and I get this from you often is that you want me to initiate sex , and I don't know if we were in like a Not all the time , but every once in a while .
Speaker 2We were in like a question and answer in front of a big group of people at one point and you said that and all the men were like , yeah , Like they all wanted their wives to initiate sex . And I was just like , for I mean , honestly , I was annoyed like what do you mean ? Like you know what I mean . But when I like sitting down thinking I heard all of these men go into an uproar , I was just like whoa , this isn't just my husband , this is kind of like a man thing , and it doesn't mean every day , but every once in a while . You know what I mean Plan it out , Like you know I . I know , like you know , if it's like a , you know , I'm going to plan out on this Wednesday night because the kids are here and this is that , and then I'm just going to get these candles , I'm going to go out to and buy a new nightgown . Like I will plan things out in my mind . You don't know anything about it , but that's my way to initiate .
Speaker 1Okay , good , well , I love it . I love it . Good , good , good , all right .
Speaker 2Okay , and so number five . Number five is this take care of you , Wife . You have to take care of yourself Now . The Bible says that the wife is like a crown to her husband's head , and I know the husband does not want to be walking around with a dirty , raggedy , old , broke down , not shined up crown .
Speaker 2And so what I found is that if I don't feel good , you don't feel good . You know what I mean . Like you , you're not happy . They say happy spouse , happy house , happy wife , happy life . And they say that for a reason .
Speaker 2If I am like sick all the time , like you just really not doing your best , if I am frustrated and always angry because there's something going on at my job all the time or there's some type of family drama all the time , or everything's great in my life , but I just am always complaining and nothing's ever good enough , that is just stressful for you , it's uncomfortable , like you are not going to be completely on a 10 and less wifey is like feeling good . And so I think it's very important for us to take care of ourselves , like , yes , we are boss ladies , I personally I like to be over the top and everything which can be . It's hard because then it's too much . You know it's like girl , go take a nap somewhere . You know what I mean . But when I have my stuff together and I am on top , that's when you are able to be on top and not concerned about what's going on in my life , you know , like , really to like . If I'm breaking down , it's hard for you to be happy and really enjoy life . And so I think we need to schedule our doctor appointments and go to our doctor appointments , counseling appointments .
Speaker 2You know , look good , put on some lotion and perfume , do your hair Listen , ladies , not just for him or anybody else . But I found like I want to look good for me , you know , especially at this point in my life after , you know , overcoming cancer and having three kids and now I'm going through menopause . I'm like girl . Yes , I want to look good for my man , but like I want to put this lotion on so that I can feel good about myself . And , you know , put some chapstick on when I go to bed and wear some nice nighties and under clothes when I go to bed . Yes , for me , you know , for my husband , but also for me , because I found out , when I feel good and I'm confident about myself , that's what makes you most attracted to me and that's what makes you most , you know , happy on your own .
Speaker 1Yeah , Wow , wow , wow , wow . You have given us five great keys and my hope is that wives around the world are going to take these keys and simply see their marriage get better . If you guys enjoyed what Tabitha just gave you , can you just let us know in the comments ? Can you just let us know by liking this and sharing this with other women around the world ? I don't know . I think that this is just such a different angle than what's in the world .
Speaker 1In the world , I see women who are tearing down men and men who are tearing down and abusing women , but in the kingdom of God , it's the exact opposite . We build up . We are a different breed . This is a different culture where we're going to build up , and I just wanted to say , I want to say , on the behalf of all men , thank you for leading that way , not just because of me , but by a kingdom example . I've seen you go from unsaved to saved and I've seen you grow over the years and I know that you are loving me because you love God and you're honoring me because you honor God , and I'm simply getting the overflow of the walk that you have with Jesus and I receive it 100% .
Speaker 1You know , and now , when I hear these things , I simply want to reciprocate .
Speaker 1I want to go and I want to make your dreams come to pass , and I want to honor you and I want to come up with Tabitha's Knights and I want to take you to Paris , which I already did , and this year we're going to Italy and I want to help . Whatever you want come . I want your life to be as easy as it possibly can . I want to make sure that everything that you have is met , and I think we'll do that . Let's do it . I'll do a segment about how a husband can take care of his wife . Maybe we'll do that next .
Speaker 2Let's do it .
Speaker 1Y'all join us next week . It's going to be good . Hey , we're out of time for today , but we hope that you enjoyed today's broadcast . If you're new to our podcast , make sure that you hit the subscribe button . If you're on YouTube , if you're on Apple Music or whatever you get podcast , make sure that you download it so that you can be the first to get the content as it is released . We drop a new episode every Thursday at 3 pm . There's actually a bunch of people that join in live , but if you missed the live part at 3 pm , make sure that you hit the follow up and let us know what you're getting out of this . We love to get your emails . We love to read your reviews . We love to see how it's being a blessing to you . Just know that your feedback actually really built us up . It encourages us .
Speaker 1Absolutely , it helps us keep on going . If you're interested with having a better marriage , I would love for you to check out our Better Marriage Bootcamp , a 90 day journey that we believe will help you have a better marriage . Like I said in the beginning , you can check that out at kenandtavithacom and we hope to see you real soon . We love you guys . If you ever in the Orlando Florida area , make sure you come by and worship with us . And until next time , we love you guys . We'll see you soon . Peace .