Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hello , hello , hello .
Speaker 2Hey everyone , what's up ?
Speaker 1everybody . Welcome to season two , another edition of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We're pumped to be your host today and we got some great things that we're gonna share . Last week , we actually talked about five things . That , what was it ? Five things .
Speaker 2It was how to take care of your husband .
Speaker 1Yes , and I'm gonna actually give you one more today and I'm gonna give you six ways to take care of your wife . This is for the fellas . Ladies , if you know a man , if you are a man , make sure that you tune into today . We're excited for today , but we got some people we wanna thank to start off today .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 2Well first of all , thank you for watching . We love it that you are tuning in and being blessed by what we're giving you . This is our life's goal just to be blessed , to be a blessing , to take what God has given us and give it to anyone who wants to hear it . But particularly , I wanted to read something that a couple of people wrote in . We did an episode called 10 keys to overcoming sexual temptation and this person writes in and says I wanna say thank you . I wanna say I thank God he directed me to this podcast and give him all the glory .
Speaker 2This video blessed me so much I was . It was in a time where I felt temptation was really knocking at my door and it became a major distraction . I was able to apply a lot of what you guys said to help me stay strong and realize as much strong that I am , much stronger than any temptation . So thank you guys . Amen . That was really nice . And then here's another one . This podcast hit me right where I needed it . Exclamation mark . Thank you both for the boldness , for your boldness , weekend and week out . You know you ever watch this like just hit it right where you need it , like I get it .
Speaker 1Well , that's what we like to do , and it's not even like necessarily doing it on purpose . That's just what , who we are . We wanna try to be as real and as relevant as we possibly can , because we don't have time to wait , listen , ain't .
Speaker 2Nobody got time for that , that's .
Speaker 1So this podcast . Sweetie , someone needs you not to beat on the table and shake the table and I don't know , I just feel excited for some reason , I know .
Speaker 1I know , but you got your weight . You got your elbows on the table . You're kicking me and everything , but it's gonna be good today , Amen . Well , if you're new to our podcast , we wanna say welcome . If you're on YouTube , make sure to hit the subscribe button so that you can be the first to get the content that we released every Thursday . And if you're watching this and you are married and you want a better marriage , we have a new product just for you . I know some of you all have already signed up and you are right now in the middle of the Better Marriage Bootcamp , but if you haven't heard of that , you wanna jump over to Kenandtapithercom . We just released and made a 90 day bootcamp that we call the Better Marriage Bootcamp . You say , pastor , what's the goal ? It's to help bad marriages become good , good marriages become great and great marriages become out of this world of marriages . We just want your marriages to be better . We've been married for 24 years y'all and we basically gave you all the dos , the don'ts , everything that we want .
Speaker 2It was a labor of love .
Speaker 1It was a labor , labor being the real word . But we give you our family meeting outlines and budget stuff . We give you family constitution stuff . How to we give you so much in this 90 day journey and we simply wanna help you whip your marriage into shape . And so , if you want a better marriage , jump over to Kenandtapithercom and , of course , in the bottom of the show notes there will be a link . That is there as well .
Speaker 1I'm pumped about today , sweetheart . I'm excited about it . We kind of hit it last week and we really gave wives all the ammunition that they needed to really take care of their husbands , but today I wanna give you six ways to take care of your wife . All right Now . Last week I said this and I said this by the spirit of the Lord that I really wanna see wives start to share this podcast with their men more . I know I got a lot of men who are rocking with us and you've been tuning in and I love you guys , but I want to be able to reach and really be able to help and inspire and motivate and mentor more and more men , and so let's make sure that we are inviting them into the conversation as well . All right , so let's start off with a couple of questions .
Speaker 2Let's go .
Speaker 1How do you feel that I am , as a husband , on a scale of one to 10 ?
Speaker 2It's definitely an eight or nine . I'm not gonna say 10 because I don't . I just kinda it's not perfect . Let's say a nine . I'm gonna rate you really high .
Speaker 1I wouldn't rate myself that high , so why are you ranking me that high ?
Speaker 2Why do I rate you as an eight or a nine ? And I said a nine ? Because right now , in this season of life that we're in , I feel like it's a nine . And I feel like , first of all , on the heart front of things , like you , just your heart toward me is excellent , like I know that you love me , like there's no question , there's no doubt about it , like I don't you know , like it's just the heart issue . And then , secondly , you know just your provision for the family , the teamwork that you have for the family . I feel like I'm secure , I feel like you listen to me , I feel like I'm in this together . I'm not on my own taking care of these kids out there .
Speaker 1I feel like you're my best friend , and so what would you say are my biggest areas of improvement as a husband ?
Speaker 2I think something that we always work on with you and I is that we are two different people . We're so much alike in ways , but then in other ways we're just different . And I feel like sometimes you approach me and have an attitude toward me as if you know I'm like you or you know you expect me to do what you would do or behave like you would , and it's off-putting to me , it's frustrating to me at times and our communication is just like because I will feel I'm not saying , I'll feel like , well , I'm not stupid because I didn't do it the way you did it , you know , or I'm not , you know . So I think that area I would say you could work on .
Speaker 1Yeah , a lot of times I feel like if you did it my way , it would be better .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I , and you feel that I know that .
Speaker 1Mm-hmm , do you ever feel like maybe if you did it my way , it would be ?
Speaker 2better See .
Speaker 1No , really I'm asking because I'm wanting to know it's like a family meeting .
Speaker 2No , I don't . Well , I mean , if I no , no , no , I don't , because I am a different person , like , even if I did try to do it your way , I don't think like that it doesn't work for me , Like it just doesn't work . So there have been things that maybe I've tried to do your way , but I'm like this is so hard for me , just let me do it my way .
Wow , that seems like a whole podcast , because I got questions . I just you know , because some things that you do , I'm like man , if you just did it this way , this would be so simple . But what you're saying is that you're just a different person , but I'm like even different people . Just do it my way , because it would work so well if you just did this .
Speaker 2I mean , I feel like people could do things my way too , but you know , being married to you has caused me to see that there's more than one way sometimes to get things done .
Speaker 1What does that mean ?
Speaker 2Because you are so strong in just . But that is your strength and I don't hate you because of it . You know what I mean , and even now , this podcast isn't going the right way already .
Speaker 1I can do that .
Speaker 2Even now , like you know , if it were like later on today and you say , you know , blah , blah , blah , and I could in my mind be like that's so irritating because I'm not you , ken . No , I'm not going to do it like that , I'm going to do it like this , but I still know that that is a strength for you . You know what I mean . You are very strong in the way you think . You're an analytical thinker , you're a logical thinker , and so I celebrate that in you . But it's not for me .
Speaker 1Mm-hmm . Okay , I'm processing that one . Okay , we'll move on . What do you think those ? Is there any other area that you feel like I can improve in ? I took note on that one . I'm gonna work on that one .
Speaker 2I think I could always use more affection , more hugs , more kisses . More you're beautiful , more I love you . I can always use that .
Speaker 1I feel like I do that every time I see you .
Speaker 2Hmm , wow , yeah , I don't . Yeah , it's all good .
Speaker 1Okay , I'll give you one more , because , god , I feel like I'm in the hole , mm-hmm . Is there anything else that I need to work on that you feel like I can search deep ?
Speaker 2No , I don't think there's anything else .
Speaker 1All right , we'll give you two . We'll start with that , All right . What ? As a husband ? What are my strengths ? What is it that you're like ? You really you kill it here . You do very well .
Speaker 2I think you're an excellent leader . I think you and you're very relational , meaning that you are good with relationships and so like , for instance , you're good at keeping like you have friends from high school , friends from college , you're you know our family and things like that . You're really good with relationships and that comes into our marriage to where , like you are , I just feel like you care about our relationship just as much as I do . I don't feel like I'm alone in that . So I think it makes that makes it work for us . But as far as being a leader , spiritually you are a leader . You're fervor for God . I see you praying . I see you being a father . I see you praying for direction , insight , foresight for our family where we should go , whether it's ministry , whether it's business . That , to me , is eight plus .
Speaker 1Okay , anything else .
Speaker 2No , those would be my . That would be like my top two .
Speaker 1If there was a husband that was listening to this , that just wants to be a better husband , what would be the one thing from me that I live out as a principal that you would hope he would learn ?
Speaker 2I would say it would be in the leadership area and it would be probably like a God first . In loving God with all of your heart , with all of your mind and all of your soul , I am okay that you love God more than me . I'm okay when you say , tab , I'm just gonna take the next day to go and pray somewhere . Is that okay with you ? Yes and amen . You go and take as long as you need . I'm okay with that . And it's security for me and safety for me to know that you put God first .
Speaker 1Okay , okay . If I had to rank myself scale of one to 10 , which was my first question I'd probably give myself a seven . I don't feel like I'm a kind as husband as I wanna be . I don't feel like I'm as a patient as I wanna be . I don't feel like I am always engaged or communicable . I don't always communicate well as I wanna be . I wanna be less easily frustrated with things . I wanna be more fun and more like lighthearted . Those are all things that if you were to say where would you like to grow ? These are the things that I would like to grow in I probably could do more .
Speaker 1I would think that I wanna be more , maybe even more , in tune with you , your needs instead of my needs . That's always tricky for a husband , because I define a wife . One of the definitions is a helpmate . So a lot of times I'm like man , I need help . Man , I need help man . Well , you need help too , and sometimes I can be a little bit too focused on I want you to help me , not realizing that I need to help you as well , just because that definition rings loud . But it's not the only side to that word .
Speaker 1You know , what I'm saying . There's a part of me that when the Bible tells me to love you like Christ loved the church .
Speaker 1That's the highest form of whatever whether it be love , whether it be servitude , whether me getting on a cross daily for my love for you , that's a whole nother level . So I don't know . I would rank myself like a seven . I would say the good parts of me , if I had to say , is that I'm very self-aware , and I think I would want husbands to be very self-aware . Like you need to be able to locate where you are .
Speaker 1And I don't need you to tell me , even though I know when you tell me it can be confirmation . I don't need other people to tell me , cause I can already tell myself that I need to be more kind , I need to be more patient , I need to be less irritable . I want husbands to be able to locate People . In general . It's just for some reason , many people think that they're at a place that they're not , and I'm big on saying , like , if it has feathers and a beak and swims in water , it's a duck , let's call it a duck .
Speaker 1If you're angry all the time and you're short , like you gotta grow as a husband , like if you don't know how to talk and you wanna be demanding and you talk about I'm the man . I'm the man . I just want you to be self-aware enough to say I am here , because when you say I am here , that is the beginning step to where you're going . If you cannot say where you are , you cannot get to where God has for you to go . And I would say probably the love for God , and I would say that that's probably everything else is gonna stem from there . If I didn't have a love for God like I have a love for God , all the other stuff there would not be a podcast , there would not be principles there would not be a marriage here there ?
Speaker 1would not be anything . So if I can give a man anything , it would be to live a God first life .
Speaker 2Grow in your love with God and so .
Speaker 1I wanna impact all of those , if you don't mind guys .
Speaker 2I mean I would encourage if there's husbands and wives watching right now to take time to rate yourself on a scale of one to 10 as a husband or wife and then ask each other Because we didn't plan this , but what that just did for me . When I heard you saying that you rate yourself as a seven and for these reasons , I'm thinking in my heart . I'm like , but baby , I got you on that , where you fall short at a seven and you don't make it to a 10 , my grace that I extend grace for you . I'm covering you in those areas , and so it just does something else to hear you express from your heart . This is where I wanna be better , but it allows me to extend grace to you in those areas that you're working on .
Speaker 1Okay , all right , good . Well , five ways to take care of your wife I'll give you . Number one is to make her feel secure , and I can't speak for every woman , but I can just speak for my woman , and I can also speak for the countless number of couples that we've ministered to over the years . Is that you gotta make her feel secure , and this is physical security .
Speaker 2This is emotional security .
Speaker 1This is financial security , and so secure is that you having a level of confidence in me , you being able to feel like it's not like sand in your hands , like I don't know if we're gonna be able to pay a bill , I don't know if he's gonna go off on me , I don't know . I want you to be able to feel secure , and so do you feel like security is a big deal for the wife .
Speaker 2Security is a major deal . I think with security . A way that makes what makes me feel most secure is when I see consistency , when you consistently , you know pay the bills , you consistently come home on time , you consistently compliment me and let me know that I am the number one person in your life . It's the consistency .
Speaker 1If I haven't told you , you're the number one person in my life and you look beautiful today , by the way . But anyway , security , talk to me what happens when you don't feel secure .
Speaker 2It chips away at my confidence as a woman , as a wife , you know , as a mother . It spills into other areas of my life . I think it makes me feel I don't know , it can make me doubt myself , it can make me doubt our relationship , and so I mean I think it takes a toll .
Speaker 1And what are some things that I can do , or other husbands could do , to make their wives feel secure ? Anything come to mind ?
Speaker 2I think a lot of it has to do with communication , like I said , the consistency Communication and really communicating where you are , how you're feeling .
Speaker 1Well , I think that what you just said , which touched me , is that you hadn't heard me say those things .
Speaker 1So there's a transparency in communication and I think that sometimes we go , go , go , go go , but we really haven't talked or we've talked but it hasn't been the kind of communication where you hear my heart and when you hear me say well , yeah , I think I can be more kind , I feel like I can be more patient , I feel like I could do this , and that is a deeper communication where I am now being transparent with maybe even my fears or maybe even my weak points , but I'm entrusting you with those things . And so I think that when , so when you say communication , that's what I hear that makes you feel secure .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Okay , so you're secure , even when I'm in touch with my weak points or I've over verbalized those . So that's good for a husband and no cause . Some , some of them , are just trying to muscle into the end zone when I ain't going to talk about it like it's like if you talk about it , that's weaker and it's actually the fact that you're keeping it to yourself that's weaker and that's hurting things . So security is huge . I think in that as well . I hear faithfulness . I think the ability for you to know that I'm not with another woman , you to know that I'm not flirting with another woman , you to know that I'm not checking out another woman , you to know that I'm not trying to talk to another woman , you to know that I'm not trying to get with another woman .
Speaker 1And to me , I think we need to do a whole series where we need to just dive into biblical faithfulness again People understanding covenant relationships , understanding being dependable , what it means to be committed to something , committed to a person . And that's why you know when there's adultery they call it unfaithfulness . It means that you said that this was going to be your person till death . Do you part . But you were unfaithful . You stepped out of that , and the Bible talks a lot about faithfulness being faithful over the little , he makes us ruler over the much . Being faithful over that which is another man's which qualifies you for that which is your own . I think faithfulness is a fruit of the spirit found in Galatians , chapter five , and that's what we need . We need a dose of faithfulness in our marriages , not just like I ain't going to cheat , but all of the parameters and stuff that would prevent you from being unfaithful .
Speaker 2And so that makes you secure . You know , I don't want no other chick .
Speaker 2Absolutely , and I love it . You know , right now we're pastors and you talk about me all the time and like , maybe messages or whatever . So people know that you have a wife and you're married and people know your wife . But before we became pastors we owned businesses . I had a job at , you know , in different places , but it was always made known that I was your wife .
Speaker 2When I met clients of yours and maybe people who worked for you for the very first time and with you , they weren't like , oh wow , ken , you're married . They're like , oh , tabitha , I know , oh yeah , ken tells me like that made me feel secure . So you talked about me in conversations . You didn't have like a group of guy friends that you went out with on your own and , you know , to the movies , to like wherever . That didn't happen , at least later on in our marriage , once we got together . At first you did , we had our separate groups of friends , but once we got it together we had the same group of friends . Like you know , we were all going to go together , whether they were married couples , a couple singles . Here and there we just get together and have and have fun together . But that made me secure , that I was involved in every area of your life .
Speaker 1Okay , yeah , I love it . I mean , I'm thinking about so many different things when it comes to that , but I move on .
Number two is pay the affection bill . I will tell husbands this is how you can really take care of your wife . You got to pay the affection bill . Now the Bible teaches us that we owe our wives due benevolence , and it actually says in 1 Corinthians 7.3, . Let the husband render to his wife the affection . Do her name do her .
Speaker 1And some translation says the benevolence , so the affection do her , and likewise also the wife to her husband . So we actually owe each other affection . But just I would take it a step further and say that the wife might even need more affection than the husband , from what I see . Maybe it's reversed in some instances , but would you say that's true ?
Speaker 2I would say it's true .
Speaker 1I mean , you know , Okay , you feel like you need more affection than me . I do , but I don't feel like I'm a hard person . I enjoy affection . Yeah , I enjoy affection , but I feel like you probably wouldn't want to .
Speaker 2I think women would identify with me and saying like there's some I saw some type of meme or something like that and there was a woman . Her husband was laying in the bed and so she jumps in the bed with him and she literally gets inside of his t-shirt and he's just like , oh my God , you know so like she's there with him . But it's to express that womanly emotion , like sometimes I tell you , like I could just , you know , I just want to cuddle up inside of you . That's to express the huge amount of affection that I want and need .
Speaker 1Well , I'm glad you said that because I want to be kind of pointed today with really speaking life over husbands . So , husbands , you should start cuddling , you should hold hands , you should tell your wife that you love her again and again , and again and that she's beautiful .
Speaker 1Again and again and again you should want to hold and caress , and I think sometimes we do those things to get married Like people are really good in the premarital state , touching and feeling and doing all these things . But actually I would rather you be good at that in the marriage state than the premarital state , and so the physical portion is really for the marriage state and not the premarital state . But we got it flipped and so I want to be like I'm married 25 years . We're going on 25 years of marriage and I want you to feel like I'm more affectionate towards you now than I ever have been . And by things that we've discussed before , that's an area that I can get better in , and so talk to me . Do you feel like other women feel the same way , and what are some ways that other than like holding your hand saying that I love you ? Is there anything else that comes to mind practically that you could share with other men to help us be more affectionate ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I think just noticing that she is her , like noticing when she walks into a room , noticing , like looking at her from the lens , that everyone else is looking at her , you know what I mean . Notice that she's more than just you know this , you know the mom to your kids and things like that , I think just paying attention to her , getting into her world a little bit , maybe asking her a few probing questions , open-ended questions , you know , sometimes that's dangerous ground for a man , because if you ask me , how was your day , we're just going to give it to you , you know . But that makes us feel like you are concerned , you care , you do take notice of me , because when we were dating and , you know , first married and stuff , I would put on a new outfit , some new perfume and do my hair and walk in the room and you would definitely have , you know , I would definitely have your attention . I don't want it to be 20 years later and me do the same things , but now I don't grab your attention anymore .
Speaker 1I don't know for many , for many men . It's just that we get focused on the next battle that we're facing , the next mountain , that we're climbing .
Speaker 1And it's not that we don't love you or want to give you affection . It's just that our focus has shifted towards something else . So now , as a man , we have to realize that , even though I'm focused on building this business or building this brand , or doing what I'm doing and working with the people that I'm working , I still have to pay my affection bill , and that's actually what I call it . I call it the affection bill , and that bill needs to be paid every single day , what to do to us and .
Speaker 1I just feel like this . I don't want people to feel condemned like , oh man , I got to do all this work . No , go have a family meeting and say how am I doing ? Scale of one to ten , because maybe there's a woman who doesn't need more or there's a man who needs more and then just figure out where are you , where does your spouse need you to get to , and then make a choice to get there , and that's what I want to do .
Speaker 1I want to try to pay my affection bill in a better way , and so number three is love her how she needs to be loved .
Speaker 2Now watch this one .
Speaker 1I want to love you how you need to be loved , not how I want to be loved , because how I want to be loved is not necessarily how you want to be loved . And there's a scripture that comes to mind with this one . It's 1 Peter , chapter three , verse seven , says likewise husbands dwell with them according to knowledge , giving honor to the wife as the weaker vessel and being heirs together of the grace of life . That your prayers be not hindered . And so I learned years ago that I never want what's going on between us to actually hinder my prayers . I can't imagine that I'm trying to go to God and his ears are covered , because there's something in between us as husband and wife .
When I read this , it says giving honor to you as the weaker vessel . That's physically , it's not emotionally , it's not spiritually . We understand that you can be stronger in many of those , but many times we you probably can't beat me in an arm wrestling fight . Now , I know there's some women out there that can probably whoop your husband in arm wrestling fight , but most of the time 90% of the time that's not the case . But the point of the scripture is to dwell with you according to knowledge , and so my job is to find out how you receive love , to study you , to know how you click , to know how you think , to know what buttons to push and what buttons not to push .
Speaker 1There's certain buttons that if I push you'll just be like ah you gotta duct tape , those buttons you gotta put duct tape on those buttons those certain buttons that you don't push .
Speaker 1I've learned over the years and I just stay away from those buttons , but it's my job to dwell with you , to take an intel of who you are and to dwell with you . According to knowledge , there's a book by Gary Chapman called Five Love Languages and we would really recommend , if you haven't read the book , to check out this book . I mean , we've read the book , we've went through the studies , we've did the surveys before and we've done these five love languages , and he basically says all love is given and received by five different things . Now there could be more , but this is the five love languages that are very popular . And here are the love languages words of affirmation , acts of service , receiving gifts , quality time and physical touch . Now , I don't know the last time we took this test , how long ago , was it ?
Speaker 2We probably should take it again , because I feel like mine may have shifted a little .
Speaker 1Oh , yeah , yeah . How long ago was it when we took it Maybe five years at least . Yeah , yeah , yeah , well , yeah , at least . Yeah , it's probably in Gainesville .
Speaker 2I don't know if your love language has shift , but there were two that were very close .
Speaker 1What was my top two ?
Speaker 2Your top two were I don't know if it was quality time , I don't know which was first , but it was quality time and acts of service .
Speaker 1Quality time and acts of service . Okay , I think you're right , all right , and yours was physical touch and quality time . So we are together in quality time and we haven't spent as much time together lately as what I was like . Yeah , we've just been really running and podcasting and writing . We got a new book coming out this year , guys , we got so many things that are happening and even our date nights have gotten off just a little bit .
Speaker 2I don't know how .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's just been a bunch of stuff and we're gonna settle it down now because we gotta get back to quality time , but what I like about us is that we both enjoy being together .
Speaker 2Yes .
Speaker 1Now there are some people that they liked hanging out with their boyfriend , a girl hanging out with their girlfriends and guys hanging out , we don't call our boyfriends , our guy friends , but not us .
Speaker 1We enjoy spending time with each other . First and foremost , I thank God for my friends , but if I'm gonna hang out with them , I kinda wanna take you along with me . We enjoy quality time together , but the point is this is that if we have a love language that's different , I can't love you how I wanna receive love . So let's assume that one of mine is acts of service and let's just assume that yours , that's the least of yours , which actually your least one , is gifts receiving gifts .
Speaker 1Okay , so let's use gifts . So let's say your least love language that you scored on is receiving gifts . But I keep buying you candies , I keep buying you flowers , I keep buying you clothes .
Speaker 2It's nice , but it doesn't equal love .
Speaker 1I keep buying you rings , I keep buying you all of those things . Let's say that that was high for me . That was my number one and I could be buying you things because that's the way that I receive love . And you're like why you keep getting me all this stuff ? Because my job is to not love you how I receive love . My job is to figure out how you receive love and love you enough to love you that way . So when I understand that your love language is quality , time and physical touch , even if I don't like to touch a lot , I'm gonna touch you all of the time because that is me loving you and even if acts of service was low , but it was high to you .
Speaker 1that's the reason that you do kins nights , that's the reason that you fix me food , that's the reason that you do all of the stuff that we talked about last week is because you know , that's how I receive love and you don't minimize how I receive love and I don't minimize how you receive love . I'll learn you to love you how you receive love and you do the same for me . What comes to your mind with that ? Anything ?
Speaker 2No , that's perfect .
Speaker 1Yeah , and so I'll go to . Number four is spend money on her . All right , so if you wanna take care of your wife , I would say you gotta spend some money on her .
Speaker 2I like that one Talk more , tell us more .
Speaker 1I don't , baby , you don't care about me spending money on you like that . I don't know why you acting that way . Here's the principle when your treasure is , that's where her heart is also . Where your heart is . That's a biblical principle , and so I'm not talking about going in debt . I'm not talking about overspending .
Speaker 1But I'm gonna spend money on you before I spend money on me , okay . So what I mean by that is that if we both have old cars and it's time to get a new car , you're gonna get a new car before I get one . Okay , if we're choosing a house , and I got this house and you got that house , I'm gonna go with the one that you want more than the one I want . Okay , if there's something that you want to really do , like go back to school or you want to travel here , I'm gonna try to make that happen . That becomes a priority to me . If there's something that I can buy for you to make your life easier , I'm gonna try to invest in it . So , right now , you want this infrared .
Speaker 1That's why I said yay to the money , because I was like mask that To me she has all these gadgets that she sleeps with and she does , and to me it's the waste of money . But if that's what you really want , I'm gonna get you . It's like there's this one machine that vibrates and it's like $4,000 and she was like I want this machine that vibrates and I'm gonna leave , wait , just burns a lot of calories .
Speaker 2It's what astronauts use to like get physically fit .
Speaker 1But why can't you just like want product like a normal woman or like a Gucci bag or something less about product , Gucci and every name Brand ? Just joking , but what I'm saying but I do want she wants the nugget ice maker .
Speaker 2Come on Okay .
Speaker 1But I think my point is that so for me , because I love you , I am directing our family's financing Finances to provide for you and to take care of you , and I think that's huge . What do you think about this one ?
Speaker 2I love it . I think it makes me feel special . Okay , and you have done that over the years I feel like it allows me to dream and it doesn't keep me like stagnant . So , especially having kids and things like that as a wife there have been times where I felt like , am I doing anything ? I have a college degree . I'm sitting here having babies because it might be I took a couple of months off or something like that , and sometimes I can feel insignificant . But when you prioritize me like that and say , okay , you want to go back to school , where do you ? You know , you want to improve yourself , you want to hire a personal trainer , you want to join this gym ? What do you want to do ? Let's make that happen .
Speaker 1It just makes me feel and everything you just said are Actually things that , yeah , okay , do you need a private trainer ? Like right now ? We have someone who's cooking for us a little bit , so they make maybe three or four days of meal preps because I'm trying to help you , or we have someone who comes and helps clean .
Speaker 1Because that just helps you with other things . Or I say , hey , do I need to take the kids to school ? I mean , there's so many things that I'm always actually and this is not like . This is how I feel . I feel like I'm always thinking about how can I care for you . I'm always thinking about how can I provide for you . Would you say that's true . Yeah , absolutely feel like I always am mm-hmm , okay , mm-hmm , all right .
Speaker 2I appreciate it too . I mean , I love those things you do for me .
Speaker 1All right , well , praise the Lord . Well , anyway , number five is be able to be counted on uh-huh so if you want to take care of your wife , man of God , I would say you got to be able to be counted on , okay . What I mean by that is that you know when I come home . Okay , you know that I'm not being out to 10 o'clock , 11 o'clock , midnight . Where's , where's dad ? I don't know when he's coming home . No , you pretty much know when .
Speaker 1I'm coming home . You know where I'm going . I don't have hidden places that I go to . That I'm like , well , just leave me alone , because I'm gonna play pool over here . I'm going over here to this lounge . No , you know everywhere I go . If you call me , I pick up .
Speaker 1Sometimes I don't want to pick up because you call me in the middle of something . It's almost like that commercial where that mom is , that dude is fighting off people and there's a helicopter in the back and he's like some super agent in his mom . Because , hello , mom , like it's amazing , like you call me at these Times where I'm like in the middle of a meeting or in the middle of something that's intense , I'm like , hey , sweetheart , do you need anything ? But I always pick up anyway because you have the priority . All right , I don't have a hidden phone numbers . I don't have a hidden , hidden accounts , I don't have hidden DMs . I let everybody get my DMs from my team on to you and I don't have hidden passwords . All right , because what mine , what is mine , is yours and what yours is also mine .
Speaker 1I'm accountable to you . I don't believe that you're my mom , but you are my wife and I am a grown man that isn't accountable to his wife . So you know where I'm going . You know where I'm coming back you . You can ask me any question that you want to . If there's somebody that I work with , you can ask me questions . I don't have any areas that I'm hiding from you , because I want to be able to be counted on . You don't have to go to sleep at night with any questions in your mind . I'm dependable , I'm faithful , I'm showing up and hopefully that has value .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's good and and you can listen to me and receive my wisdom . You said like there , there's sometimes where it's just like hey , you don't know this , but that lady likes you , so you might want to keep your distance from her , and that's not all the time . That's not all the times in the last 20 years but as a woman you know , sometimes Wife can tell you , hey , you might want to watch out for that one .
Speaker 2You're just saying in general yeah , I mean , if you say yeah , there are men on their jobs and you know they're co-workers . They like you and they don't care that you have a wife . They like you even more now .
Speaker 1I don't know the guy that's like well , baby , she ain't all that man . Maybe we just friends know , it ain't no big deal . No , if you don't like it .
Speaker 2I'm gonna ram it around that I don't care .
Speaker 1I don't have to work there , I got . I don't care about relationships like that . I just don't care enough . I just want to make you happy , if that's what you're especially when I'm not pretty .
Speaker 2You know , I'm not a pressed person .
Speaker 1You know , I'm confident , you know .
Speaker 2I know that you love me and I'm not concerned about you . Know you going and doing other things . I'm concerned about this . This person will be trouble for you . Just leave her alone .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , yeah , it just reminded me of someone , yeah , someone that's not in our immediate circle , but kind of around , and it's just like oh yeah , see , I wouldn't be comfortable with that person around , not just me , but any of our other men staff so forth and so on , and this is what I feel like .
Speaker 1I married you so I want to listen to you . I was wise enough to marry you . Now I want to be wise enough to listen to you , and so , for me , number five was be dependable . But I got one more , actually number six . Number six is be the spiritual leader of the home , and I think this is , for me , where I Hang my hat on .
You know many men . They go to work . Many men make six figures , even seven figures . Many men , they know how to be the financial provider , but are you the spiritual provider ?
Speaker 1Yeah and I would say and you can tell me if I'm wrong that you being the spiritual provider is more important than you being the financial . Oh yes , do you . Do you agree ?
Speaker 2I agree that . I agree that I Want us to be spiritually , you know , on the same page and you to spiritually lead our family , as in , you know biblically , the man being the head , you know the one who is responsible , the one who will be accountable unto God for his family .
Speaker 1And why is that more important to you than even the financial ?
Speaker 2because the financial provisioned , like you know Personally , like I have a job too , I am educated , I can go out and make money too , like I don't need you to support me , but I want to bring you know what I have to the table . I want you to help me now , don't have me out here , but like I could make more money than you and that would not bother me , so like it . I Guess what I'm trying to say is but if I am more spiritual than you , that will bother me . If I'm the only one praying and I'm the only one serving and going to church and I'm the only one blessing the children and praying over the children , and I'm the only one talking about God for about our future , and prophesying and doing all these things , that will bother me .
Speaker 1So you could make more money to me and that wouldn't bother you at all not at all . But if you're more spiritual than me , that would bother you . Wow , I think there's a husband needs to hear that , because he's been focusing on the wrong thing .
Speaker 1Mm-hmm and listen . This is not the shame . This is just saying that you've been called to a higher place , yes , sir . So what I take out of what you just said is that the man is called to be the head of the home . He's called to be the head , just like Jesus is the head of the church . Then you have local pastors . That is the head of that local assembly . That is simply the place of responsibility .
Speaker 1A husband is the high priest of the home . You have a spiritual responsibility to set the spiritual tone for the family . But unfortunately , there's many men that go to work and on Sundays they rest while their family get dressed and they go to church and their family Worships and their family praise . But he watches football on Sundays , and I think it's time for men to step up and be the spiritual leaders in their home . So listen , we've been married for 24 , going on 25 years . The first two years our marriage was headed for divorce and if I was to give anybody the best piece of advice if they have a struggling relationship , it would be this love God More than you love your spouse , because if you love God more than you love your spouse , god will teach you how to love your spouse .
Speaker 1Mm-hmm . And so the turning point for us wasn't just that you were the hero in the home I know I make a big deal out of that and I don't want to overstate that it was that I fell in love with Jesus and I submitted my life to build a family . That was God first .
Speaker 2Matthew 633 .
Speaker 1I said I want to have a God first marriage , have a God first family and raise God first kids and I was gonna put God first finances and my time , talent and my treasure , mm-hmm . And the reason that I honor you is because I honor God and the reason that I love you is because I first love God . So you get the overflow of this relationship and I'm not perfect in any kind of way . I'm growing in that relationship daily , but I just want to give a few men that just feels this like social pressure To make so much money , like if you don't have the education or degree or just the connection that your wife does and she makes more money .
Speaker 1Yes , oh you married up . Go ahead with your yes I mean , oh my god , like you for real , but like why she's making money . Don't downplay what you make but , sure enough be the spiritual leader in the home . Sure enough be a man that prays , a man who prophesies a man who lives holy , a man who worships . You should be the first one up on a Sunday morning taking your family to the house of God .
Speaker 1You don't let your wife just go to another man's house . You be the first one to take her to the house of the Lord and be the first one to let your kids Okay , you had like right now . We've been . We've been dealing with our children and their grades and helping them improve , and I've been doing this thing before they leave out of the door what I've been doing before we leave out of the door praying . I pull them together and they be in the flesh , oh here you go pray , no , no , no , you can come here .
Speaker 2And then you make them pray to pray .
Speaker 1They'd be like well , I just pray .
Speaker 2Today . Thank you for today I get good grades today , anything else . In Jesus' name amen .
Speaker 1Amen . Okay , you pray Now , you pray for each other , Then you pray for the kids , and then I start praying for the war overseas .
Speaker 1And I start praying because I need to teach them that prayer's not you just praying for yourself as needs and your grades , pray for your teachers , pray for your principals , pray for your enemy Okay now pray for the people that we know got cancer and are believing right now in the cancer war to be healed Pray , pray for the people who are in Israel and pray for the people around the world . Pray , pray . And so I have to kind of like exemplify that day by day . But I'm telling you now that that has more value than me giving them a check for $5,000 . The fact that they see dead is gonna be the spiritual leader of the home .
Speaker 1That's like we have a college daughter and she was home recently and I didn't know she was home and so typically you guys are out of the house at like seven o'clock . I'm like man , I'm home by myself . I'm in there worshiping . I'm in there worshiping loud . I'm in there singing , praying in tongues Karoshanilele kanna . Thank you Jesus . We love you today . God To worship you . I'm talking about out of key worship . I mean . For a long time then I realized like , oh shoot , she and her trying to sleep , you know , but I want my college daughter to come home on her break and be like , oh my God , this dude is the same dude that I left . He is in her worshiping like there is no tomorrow .
Speaker 1Jesus is coming back today and I would just encourage husbands to be that , to be that , to be that spiritual leader , to set the tone , because all of the fuss and the fighting and the unforgiveness and the bitterness and you can't get your vision going and you can't get your business off the ground .
Speaker 1That's cause you doing it out of your flesh , if you can just not wrestle against the flesh , but if you can understand that the weapons of our warfare are not carnal , they're not fleshy , they're not out of your ability , but they're mighty through God , to the pulling down of strongholds . When you start the wage war , not just in a natural way but a supernatural way , and you have heaven's army backing you up , I'm telling you , nothing can stop a family that has a man that is leading the way .
Speaker 2That's so good it reminds me of Nehemiah .
Speaker 1When Nehemiah was about the work of the Lord and he was rebuilding the walls and people was trying to get him off the wall . He says I'm not coming off the wall , I'm building something here . It's too great for me to come down and deal with this foolishness . There's too many men that are coming off the wall to deal with foolishness and I ain't got time to deal with foolishness when I'm building something great for God . And if I got to fight with one hand and build with the other , sometimes you got year in seasons where it feels like you're ambidextrous . I'm fighting with one hand and building with the other , and I'm fighting with one and building with the other . That's okay as long as God is for you , then who can be against you ? But you have to be the spiritual leader of the home .
Speaker 2Absolutely , and I think sometimes too . You know I was listening to something today . I was talking about the favor of God and how sometimes you know we can work , work , work and our gifts , our talents and our abilities , but we don't depend on and run to the favor of God . You know , it's just like you need the favor of God on your life . You don't need to have another diploma , another , you know , college degree . You don't need the promotion , you just need the favor of God . You don't need to be you know the greatest this and the best that and the most everything . You just need the favor of God , and putting God first will gain you the favor of God .
Speaker 1And so if I was to be very practical because I love men and I want to be very practical for husbands you say well , pastor Ken , how do I practically put God first ? Number one it's a heart setting . So you can right now just say , god , forgive me , forgive me for not putting you first , forgive me for not trusting you , help me trust you . That's what we call repentance , and it's a heart temperature .
Okay , from that moment , then , there's a couple of things you need . The first thing that you need is a commitment to the word of God , the Bible , where you study or you read a passage daily . I'm talking about 15 minutes a day , 30 minutes a day . You can start over in John's gospel , because you need to get the tone of the scripture .
Speaker 1You know , we read so many sports illustrates and magazines and some people are watching pornography , and you're giving your attention to other things instead of things that are holy .
Speaker 1And so the first thing that I did is I set an hour with God a day . I set that back when I was 23 years old , and I know you can do less than that , but it was something powerful about that hour day where I'm learning Jesus , I'm learning His word . And so , number one , you gotta have a heart setting . Number two you need a commitment to the Bible . The Bible is God's word . Okay , it's not a mistake , it's not an accident , it's not written just by men . It is all inspired by God and it is good for correction and reproof . It is the spiritual nourishment that you need . Number three you need a church home and not just going to church casually . I'm talking about a commitment to win .
Speaker 2Brotherhood .
Speaker 1Yeah , there's Sundays . I'm going to go to church .
Speaker 2Why .
Speaker 1You need family . You need a place to use your gifts and you need spiritual covering .
Speaker 1Now , it doesn't matter if you are a billionaire , it doesn't matter where you are . You could be super famous , and I have people who watch this that are very famous , but we all need spiritual leadership . Just like for some of my athletes , you understand the importance to have coaching . Tiger Woods has a coach , a swing coach , boxers I'm talking about even one-on-one sports . You know the importance of coaching . You need spiritual coaching . That's why we have this podcast . This is marriage coaching . We all need coaching . So when you go to church , the hope is that you will have pastors , that you will have elders , that you will have people who have walked with Jesus for a while , that you can learn spiritual things . Even though you're very , very successful in your endeavors , you still need a submitted , coachable , teachable , pliable heart to be who God wants you to be , and so you need a heart that's set towards God practically . Number two you need time with the word of God .
Speaker 1Number three you need a church home some accountability those are practical things of how you put God first right , and then I think we'll just start there . Let me just start with those three . Those are good steps , but number four I'll give you this . This is the bonus one , this is the best one . Gotta give your heart to Jesus . And so maybe you're watching this and maybe you're like man , I've never heard it that way .
Speaker 1Here's the gospel in like 30 seconds . We've all sinned , we've all fallen short of the glory of God . Like I'm , like the chief sinner back in the day . I probably sin better than most people , okay , but thankfully I don't have to pay the price for my own sin . Jesus paid the price for all of our sin .
Speaker 1It's a sad mistake nowadays that many people are making that they just don't know who Jesus is . They think maybe it was a tall tale , maybe it was a fable , maybe he was a great person who existed once upon a time . That's not true . He is God in the flesh . He was all God and all man , all at the same time . He was the Lamb of God that took all of our sin on his body and he died a sinner's death . The reason that he died is so that we could live Now when we put our faith and our trust in Jesus and we call on his name .
Speaker 1The Bible says that our names will be found in the book of life because we've been redeemed , we've been ransomed , we've been bought , we've been paid for with the price . And when we accept the sacrifice of Jesus , the Bible says that we're born again . What that term means is that you're spiritually born , or that you're born from above , and you don't have to be a perfect person to be saved . You just have to surrender . So I wanna pray for you husbands and you mighty men that are out there . I wanna pray for you ladies . I wanna pray for every single person who's watching this .
Speaker 1That's like I wanna make sure that my name will be found in the book of life . It's nothing but a prayer of surrenderance , not a prayer for perfection . I'm not asking for you to be perfect . I'm just asking for you to be humble enough to know that you need Jesus . If that's you , would you pray this prayer wherever you are ? Just say this with me . Say , lord Jesus , come into my heart today , forgive me of my sins . Say from this day forward , I surrender . I surrender my will to your will , my life to your life . Jesus , I believe you died on the cross so that I could live with you and I make you the Lord and my savior , today and forevermore . In Jesus name , amen . If you prayed that prayer , let us know in the comments . Cause today is your spiritual birthday and we're gonna party like it's your birthday .
Speaker 1The Bible says that all heaven is rejoicing when one sinner repents . I believe there's hundreds of people that have just come to Jesus . We wanna help you growing your faith . That prayer is not the end y'all , it is the beginning . It is the beginning of now you growing spiritually by finding a church home , getting in the word of God , getting in community and all of these things , and so I'm pumped about that decision . Welcome to the family of God . All right ? Hey , we're out of time for today .
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. We release the new episode every Thursday , 3 pm Eastern Standard Time , right here from Orlando , florida . All right , we love your reviews . There's an email address and our show notes . If you want a better marriage , we've now released the Better Marriage Boot Camp . We wanna walk with you for the next 90 days , but it's gonna require an investment in your marriage to have a better marriage . If you're interested in that boot camp , go over to kenantabathacom . Of course , that website is in our show notes and you can find out a whole lot more information .
Speaker 1Just know that you are not alone , that you are chosen by God , that you are loved by us that you're cherished by us and we hope to continue to bring you content that will bring great value in your life . Anything else , we heart you good . We are good , All right love you guys Until next week . We'll see you soon , Peace .