Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , hey , hey , what's up everybody ? Hi ? Everyone .
Speaker 1Man , we're so pumped to have you joining us for season number two . Of course , another episode of Doing Life with Ken and . Tabitha 24 years of marriage . We wanna share with you our good , bad , ugly and everything in between . We're so pumped to have you with us on today and today for you single people out there , single ladies say hey , fellow , say oh , we got five qualities to look for in a husband and we wanna help you not make mistakes . Praise God .
Speaker 3Oh , that's gonna be good . But to those of you who are joining us for the first time , welcome . We're so glad that you found us . We always pray that the Lord would send us people who really need this , really need the information that we're putting out there . So we just pray that this is gonna be a blessing to you .
Speaker 1Yeah , the goal of our podcast , of course , is to help you grow closer to God and also closer to the people that God has placed in your life , and so we believe that we're going to share some things with you that can help accomplish that goal .
Speaker 1We also have a better marriage boot camp . How many of you all want a better marriage ? Maybe you're married . You want a better marriage . We believe we have this boot camp that can help bad marriages become good , good marriage become great and great marriages go to out of this world . But it's gonna require an investment . Anything that's worth anything requires an investment , and what I tell people all the time is you're gonna pay an hour , pay later . A lot of people are paying through divorce and alimony and child support , and I don't believe that's God's best . I believe that that's where you are . It's okay . His grace is sufficient .
Speaker 1But , we would rather give you tools up front so that he can elevate your marriage , so that you don't have to pay later . And if you wanna make that investment , you can jump over to our website , go to our show notes . The link is in there . You can find some more information about this boot camp , which is a 90 day journey where we wanna be your marriage coaches and your marriage mentors to help your marriage get better .
Speaker 1Check it out today and share with us your life change stories . All right , and so we're ready to jump into it . Today , Everybody five qualities to look for in a husband , and today is really equipping single ladies of what to look for in a possible spouse . But not only that , it's also going to equip single men what they need to develop to be the spouse that the ladies are looking for all right .
Speaker 1So this is not just the ladies podcast . This is for ladies and men five qualities to look for in a husband . All right now . We've been married for 24 years , sweetheart . We've been able to speak to a lot of couples around the world and thousands of couples , thousands upon thousands of couples we were able to talk to and impact and hear from , and the divorce rate is 50% okay .
Speaker 1Meaning that half of the people who say I do at some point in their life will say I don't . 50% of the people , and there's all kinds of different reasons why the divorce rate is there . All right . However , what if we could give people the right qualities to look for before they get into the marriage ? I wonder how much that could affect that rate .
Speaker 1Meaning that many people are getting married because they did not know what to look for in a spouse . They didn't know what to look for in a husband , they didn't know what to look for in a wife and they said I do to somebody that really didn't measure up . They wasn't wifey material , they wasn't husband material , but they didn't even know what they should be looking for . The point of this podcast is that we feel like we can save people drama . We feel like we can give you characteristics , attributes and things that you can look for , so that you can have a measuring stick to see if you really wanna sign up for this lifelong commitment with this man or this woman , and so that's what we're doing this for .
Speaker 3I like that . I think that there are definitely red flags that you can look out for . I think there's definitely some signs that you would say that are leading you in the direction toward like godly character , godly behavior , looking at their family and friends , and all of those things We'll definitely .
Speaker 1Well , can we start there , All right . So if you were to advise a woman and say hey , sweetheart , when you find a man , this is what you're looking for , what would be your advice ? What are the characteristics that you would tell her to look for in a husband ?
Speaker 3I think I would definitely be looking for a man who has a relationship with God , and for me personally , I want him to have a good relationship with God . If you just got saved yesterday , I'm gonna give you a little minute . Maybe I'll date you , but you definitely we're not getting engaged Because you need a minute to grow ?
Speaker 1How much time you think he needs ?
Speaker 3As much as time is , he needs to mature into things of God . Give him , you know , times to . I don't have an answer to that , but yeah , I don't know . But I'd say you know , at least a year or two or three or four .
Speaker 1Until you see some fruit .
Speaker 3Maturity , spiritual maturity . I guess that's what I'm saying . I would look for it . Number one spiritual maturity .
Speaker 3Okay , I think number two . I would probably look for integrity Character . So I would probably look at things like job . You know , like , how long , what kind of , do you have a business ? Do you have a job ? How long have you had the job ? Do you jump around from job to job ? Do you go from business to business to business ? You know what's your relationship with your mother , your dad , your sisters , your brothers . How do you talk about your best friends ? How do you talk about your pastors ? Are you plugged into church ? Which church do you go to ? What do you believe ? Like I , these are the questions that I'm asking .
Speaker 1Okay , all right , anything else . What other attributes are you looking for ? Oh yeah , I'm looking .
Speaker 3I think I would keep on going . Okay , so I would also look , for I need somebody who's going to be my friend . Okay .
Speaker 3So yeah , I mean , I think physical attraction is definitely a major you know what I mean Like I definitely need to be physically attracted to them . Okay , so that's one as well . But then also , beyond physical attraction is I need this person to be my friend . I don't think people realize in marriage that his husband and wife you have to be friends , you have to actually like one another , not just like one another's bodies and what you look like , and not just have physical attraction , but you actually have to like one another , because once you get married for a little bit , the physical attraction it's not gonna get old , but it ain't gonna be the same .
Speaker 1It's when you you know what I mean .
Speaker 3No , yeah 100% , it's not gonna be the same . So you better like him . You better , you know , make sure that he likes you , can you ? So , when we got married ? Or you know , when we started dating , the thing that I think I hold high about you well , those things . Number one , we met over God . You know what I mean . I gave you my number because you said you went to the same church as me . So that was like , and even though I was very spiritually immature , okay , we didn't know nothing .
Speaker 1It's a horrible story . Yeah , we're not gonna spare you the details but I'm telling you , but still . God was there . Okay so , and then we were in a nightclub , but God was there .
Speaker 3After I heard . After I heard , I turned my head because you was about to get a fake number . Okay , after you told me about God and I was intrigued , I turned my head . Then I looked at you and said , oh snap , he looks good . I listened and then , after I recognized that I was physically attracted to you , I started listening to you . You were looking at me in my eyes . You weren't looking at me in my chest . You weren't looking at you know other- .
Speaker 1I was trying not to .
Speaker 3I was looking at me in my eyes you were articulate , you know . So a lot of guys would be like you know that yo , baby yo , and can't finish a sentence and you know rambling on or I'm like please , I ain't got time for that , I need somebody who can articulate a sentence . Nobody got time for that , and so that was something else that was high on my list , like okay , you were intelligent , you could carry a conversation with me , and so , anyway , I know I feel like what would you tell her to look for , though ?
Speaker 3I would tell her to look for that friendship . That's what I mean by friendship . Can you carry a conversation with him that is intelligent ? Can you , you know ? Do you like the same things ? Can you , you know , you don't have to be identical , but like , so like ? There are some action movies that you like , but I don't really like , you know . But to this day , for the last , you know , 25 years , we've been married and in the theaters , what do we do ? If we watch , like Mission Impossible , I'm like , oh my goodness , I'm closing my eyes on certain parts because I'm like the car's gonna blow up . Now . I don't necessarily like those things , but there are a lot of other things that I do like , but I don't mind , I can go to see the Mission Impossible movie with you . You know what I mean . Look for likability . Can this be your best friend for the rest of your life ?
Speaker 1Okay , anything else , I mean you poured out I'm pouring out . I mean you poured out- .
Speaker 3I'm going for it , I can go , I can Okay , so those- .
Speaker 1You gave me details .
Speaker 3Those are some things that you can look for Now . I can give you some things that you can run from .
Speaker 1Okay , give me those then .
Speaker 3Okay , I want to give you some red flags . Okay , so you don't want ? Don't pick the man who isn't giving you the time of day . I can't tell you how many women I have counseled and talked to where she . You know he's just leading , he got this , he got like a group of girls right and they're all following him around just hoping that he's gonna be the one Not literally , but like he's talking to this one texting this one . You text each other . Everything's in the friend zone .
Speaker 3You go have coffee , they're kind of pressed to be honest and she's waiting , saying oh , but I think he likes me . But he keeps saying this and I know that we're such a good fit for each other . Listen , if he wanted to make you his wife he would , he would .
Speaker 3He men will let you know , and so if he is not pursuing you , just leave him alone , go . You know you are , your worth is far more than Ruby's and the man that's for you . He's gonna know it and he is gonna hunt you down , chase you down . Girl , you don't have to worry about whether he likes you or not . He's gonna let you know . Can I get an amen ? Amen , okay , so I would say that is probably my number one thing , and then not necessarily in order , but I would definitely . I think a lot of ladies go for the person who is popular or the person who is cool . You know , maybe he drives a nice car and has a nice job , but just has no integrity .
Speaker 1He's a football player , star football player , basketball player , but he doesn't have integrity . Yeah , and they are more like groupies instead of knowing who they are in Christ .
Speaker 3Yeah , it's like they're not there yet . I remember , you know , when we were dating and stuff , people would maybe try to come up and talk to me and wouldn't have any game , like no personality or anything like that , so meaning that they were popular and maybe athletic , you know , or something like that , and everybody knew who they were . And we're just sitting around like , okay , well , bye , because it's like they're so used to people sweating them , people coming up to them and doing all these things for them that it's like , okay , you want me to do that ? Okay , no , you're not for me , you don't know my value . You don't know my worth , or maybe you do , but you just haven't developed enough in your own character that you know how to treat a woman like me . Just give them time , you know , give them space . I would say
so .
Speaker 3The popular person really necessarily isn't . You know , some popular people would be great , but I'm just saying I would say the person who I would look for people , I would look at how they treat their friends . And so if you're just hanging , you know , before you start dating , I don't know if you're just hanging out with people , if you are hanging out with his group of friends , or even in conversation , or if are they a negative person ? Do they believe in people , like if something goes down in their friend's life , or are they gonna be like , see , cause I told him not to do that , and da , da , da , da , da , da , da , da , da and just tear him apart ? Or are you going to see them back up their friend ? Are you going to see them fight for their friend ? Are you gonna see them pray for their friend ? You know so like I don't know , I'm just looking for how you respond in these situations .
Speaker 1Okay , I was talking to my Uber driver yesterday and I was trying to work and she was talking and I was like , oh my God , I'm trying to work , she's talking . And then after a while I said I apologize , I got a podcast that I need to shoot tomorrow and I need to kind of prepare for it . She said what kind of podcast do you do ? I said I do a marriage relational podcast . She's like oh , I was married once . And .
Speaker 1I , you know , she had this very negative tone towards marriage . She never wanted to get married again and I was like , well , my podcast is not really just for married people . There are single people from around the world . I said , well , maybe you should check it out , just for what a relationship that might be coming in your future . She's okay , maybe so , but it was amazing to me to see the negative tone that she had towards marriage . What I mean is that she had a bad experience and then she wrote off the whole institution of marriage as if she would never do that again because of one bad experience . And so it led me back to this to say , okay , well , no , maybe you just didn't know what to look for when you got married and in the Uber she began to line for me well , he was like this and he did this and he did that .
Speaker 1Okay , well , maybe you just didn't know what to look for . It's not for you to write off that . Every man is that way . Yeah , it's that . You just need to know what you're looking for , absolutely .
Speaker 1And then I went into the barbershop and I decided I said hey guys , I'm about to do a podcast and I want to talk about the five things that a man should look for in a wife and the five things that a wife should look for in the husband . Next week we'll hit the other one , of course , and so this week , of course , is about what a wife should look for in a husband . And I asked them I said so what ? What are the five things that you look for in a wife and man ? They just began to tell me about ?
Speaker 1I just look for someone who will encourage me and not beat me up , and would have my back and what concluded was that these men had been through things where they felt that they were tore down .
Speaker 1they felt that they were beat down , that they were with women that felt it was their God given right to tear them down . And so when we go into next week , as it relates to what kind of attributes you look for in a wife , we're going to talk about a woman who can build her house and not tear it down . Okay , but what it led me to believe is that this is huge , because a lot of people now the one thing that the guys did not say yesterday and I had to leave them to this is they didn't say I'm looking for a God first wife or I'm looking for someone who loves you . I had to interject that . Are you guys looking for someone who loves the Lord ?
Speaker 1Oh , yeah , yeah , yeah , that's what we're looking for , meaning that many guys have no clue . They're looking for the 32 six , whatever the shape is they're looking for . Does she have money ? What kind of car ? But they don't understand . Does she pray for you ? She loves Jesus and . I just think that this podcast is so important because we need to know what to look for , and so go ahead . You got something .
Speaker 3I was just going to say we're not in this episode yet , but the man that's looking for the God first wife . If you're looking for her , you know where you can find her in the church . She's putting God first . She's in the church . Okay , she's serving somebody in church .
Speaker 1I would say 100% , 90% of the time , 10% of the time there's somebody in church . I've seen people come to church and in a holy atmosphere and then find somebody else that has a problem with their flesh , just like you do . You can . Somehow people who want to fornicate can find each other even in holy environments . I know and it's like are you how , in the world , out of all these thousands of people , did you find some ? The one other person that was sleep with you . I can't believe that . Oh my goodness .
Speaker 1And it's just like flesh will attract spirit . Yeah , and so , anyway , five qualities to look for in the husband . And so I mean we could go on and on . Okay , all right , and I like the way that you started out , because we can go on and on with this quality and that quality and this quality and this quality . What I wanted to do was give women of God five points on a checklist and I can't say that these are the top five , these are my top five , these are the top five after 20 years of ministry and watching couples get married , get divorced . Things happen in a relationship . These I broke it down to . These are the top five qualities . For my opinion , these things are subjective , okay . Qualities to look for in the husband If you're ready , I'm ready , all right .
Number one do you like his personality ? Do you enjoy being with him ? Okay , I think you hit that one . Are you guys friends ? Does your personality mix ? Well , I think sometimes women get involved with what he looks like . Is he in shape ? You know how much money does he have ? But you forget do you genuinely like each other ? So , even like I'm a , I'm a down low matchmaker at heart and you know , sometimes I'd be trying to hook people up and stuff , but what I've realized it's all about personality mixes first and foremost . So we've been married , but we genuinely enjoy being around each other . Now , anybody who watches our podcast you'll know that we're really different . We like different things , we look at the world in a different way , but somehow it still complements each other . But at the end of the day , there's nobody else on the planet that I would rather spend time with more than you Isn't that important .
Speaker 1Yeah , that many people feel like they're falling out of love . But I'm telling you , falling into like is a first step towards love , and I've learned that principle many years ago . If you're in a marriage and you feel like I've fallen out of love , why don't you first get back into like ? First , let's go to games together . Let's go to a basketball game together . Let's go ice skating together . Let's have a picnic in the park . Let's fall back into life , because if we can start liking each other again , that's a great step towards loving each other again and so being best friends . Anything on that ?
Speaker 3Yeah , I find that you know . So we're talking to people who are not married yet and I think you have a wonderful advantage right here and being a friend with the man that you're going to marry and getting , because when you're friends with him now , you know him and you like him and you know that before you get into the marriage . Now we've counseled many women who they didn't become friends with their spouse before they were married . They had sexual relations and they just loved it . It was very physical , but then they got married and found out , oh snap , we don't like each other .
Speaker 3Now that's a whole different scenario . You do not want to be in that situation . Now we have a marriage bootcamp for those people . We'll help them get over it . But you have this awesome opportunity that and before you even get married , before you even think about it you're going to be friends with this person and know that you're compatible .
Speaker 1That's like the show love is blind , and I watched the season and I stopped the dinner .
Speaker 3The first season was the best Okay .
Speaker 1But what happens is that these people , they fall in love emotionally , but we're missing very important aspects to the relationship development . We're missing the fact do we like to be in the same room , how to handle conflict , and a host of other things . We are falling in love with an image through a wall that we can't even see , it ain't even about . Is this person going to be attractive ? It's like can we be together ? Five , 10 , 15 , 35 , 45 years , marriages until death .
Speaker 1Does you part and you got to like each other ? You got to like each other and you can , you can actually grow in liking each other , but it's going to take work . Number two , five qualities to look for in the husband Is he committed to holiness ? You said that one too , you , you , you , you , you doing your thing , girl , come on . Okay , what is holiness ? That's when God's word says this and you submit your life to what God says Amen . Holiness is birthed . Holiness is not like I got to put on this long dress and take off my wake , my makeup . Okay , holiness is first inside that manifests itself in the outside . It's not outside first , it's inside first that manifests itself outside . It's just you . The word says this and you submit to it . The word says do this and you submit to it . That's holiness .
Speaker 1That's good , and you have to ask yourself this question Is your possible future husband ? Is he a person who lives a holy life ? This is so important for a husband because , as you go through the years , there's so much temptation and there's so much compromise that can come about . You were looking for a man of integrity . You were looking for a man of great character .
Speaker 1You were looking for a man who has submitted to God's word and no matter what it costs him , no matter how hard it is , he will go with God more than he goes with his flesh . Can you talk about that ?
Speaker 3I hear this convictions . A man who is submitted to holiness has convictions , and so does he have any convictions and is he faithful to his convictions ? Now , convictions aren't necessarily like you might have different convictions than me based on our background or whatever . Like I might be able to watch a rated R movie , you might not , I don't know . Just an example . But does he have convictions and does he feel strongly about his convictions ?
Speaker 1And I think that's something that will really help you gauge where they are and when I hear convictions , I'm not just hearing convictions like we have these natural convictions I'm hearing like will he allow the Holy Spirit to correct him and feel convicted . That's good . The Holy Spirit is saying , oh no , that ain't for you . No , you shouldn't talk to her like that . Oh , go and apologize If you have a man that's Spirit-led that way and is willing to get things right by the leading of the Holy .
Speaker 1Ghost there's so much landfills that he will be able to navigate through in life because of that . But holiness is huge and I don't know it's not the sexiest term , but it is so important Just someone that really lives for God .
Speaker 1And I found out that there's a lot of people in churches nowadays that do not live holy . There's a lot of people , even in positions like leadership positions that do not live a holy life . You wanna stick with a person long enough to figure out do they just have a talk or do they have a walk ? Right ? Here's number three , five qualities to look for in a husband . How does he handle pain and how does he handle problems ? That's huge , because you won't know who a person is on the mountaintop . You will better know who they really are in the valley , and you have to just date long enough to see them go through a season .
Speaker 1I'm not saying you gotta go three , five years away , don't somebody to die , but you do need to see how do they handle the loss of a job , how do they handle the loss of a loved one , how do they handle persecution or offense ? It can't just be all easy street where you never see how this person handles pain , persecution and problems . You need to know that . So listen , in life we're all gonna have pain .
Speaker 1We're gonna have problems at some point and I need to know when pain hits you . Does it send you back to drinking and back to drugging and back to the club and back to pornography ? Or does it send you to your knees , to fasting and praying to the house of God , putting God first ? Amen . You will not know until that pain shows up , and how a person processes that pain says a lot about the success you will have in a marriage .
Speaker 3Absolutely Anything . Stick out on that one . No , that is so good , I think . I would add just give the person enough time to go through these seasons , like if you've only known them for a year and everything's been great for a year and they've never had a problem . You probably wanna give them some more time so that you can see how they walk through the hard times , and we're not suggesting that you have to wait forever to get married .
Speaker 1Matter of fact , I feel like people are dating too long nowadays . I mean , you've been dating for 10 years and you still ain't put a ring on it . Maybe that's just not the one .
Speaker 3You have a fear of commitment something's wrong .
Speaker 1But you need to not be so short that you move so quickly that you forgot to figure out how this person processes all the different parts of life .
Speaker 1And so number four this is a big one Five qualities to look for in a husband how does he submit to godly authority ? And that's huge . Now let me unpack with this one for a minute . Listen , woman of God , you need to see how he submits to godly authority , because if he's like I'm the man and nobody can tell me what to do , that means that when you go through a bad place in your marriage , he's not coming in for counseling Cause he's gonna say I won't put my business in the street because pride has his heart . See , you need a man , all men need other men . Now , all men need to be submitted to some kind of authority to also be an authority . And so you wanna see how does he handle his relationship with his mother ? How does he handle his relationship with his father ? How does he handle his relationship with his employer ? Is he from job to job every ?
Speaker 1two months , three months . Is he from church to church , does he not ? He say stuff like I just don't believe in organized religion . Let me translate that for you . I don't want anybody telling me what to do . I wanna do whatever I wanna do , and so , if you are a Christian , we're submitting one to another . We have spiritual leadership and authority in our lives , and you can tell a lot about the temperature of a man's heart . Is he pliable , Is he teachable , is he multiple ? Now let me tell you you might think that that doesn't matter at all right now , but when you go through a storm in five years and 10 years and 15 years , you're going to need to make sure that this man is able to get some help . There's somebody else that can speak into his blind spots , cause those are the things that are gonna have cause you to have long lasting relationship , absolutely .
Speaker 3And I think how does he respond to the authority that's in your life ? What does he say about your church , about your pastors ? What does he say ?
Speaker 3about your parents ? What does he say about you know the people that are close in your life ? I cannot tell you . I mean it hasn't been a ton of people , but there have been a few people that we have counseled in the past , that they have been a part of our church and pillars in the church Just serving , and wonderful , beautiful people . But they got together with someone who and women who met a man going to another church and he came into the church and hated the church , hated the pastors . Why do you have and I just nitpicked everything and kind of just took her away from her family the people who had prayed for her for the last five years and served with her for the last five years , the people who had been a part of her life , and then isolate her . So it's just her and him . And then you know who knows what happens after that but , that's not good .
Speaker 1Well , what we found is that many times those men have a hot tendency to be abusive later on because they're trying to isolate the woman and get her away from all authority and people that would protect her . So what they do is they come and they find a young woman who's in the church and for a season they like it , until they're corrected or something , and then they begin to bash and their goal is really to cause that young woman to fall in love and then move her to another church , isolating her , getting her away from protection authority counsel and everything good that has been in her life , so that they can do whatever they wanna do
Speaker 1And we don't want that for you , but it's something very common . So here's our advice to you , and you can take it or leave it , but here's our advice . Our advice is if you are a person who's plugged in a local church , your life has been changed in that church . You love that church with every fiber of your being . If someone that you're dating starts to hate that church , talk negatively of that church and criticize that church , that might not be the person for you . That should be a super red flag , that number one . We are not gonna go to same spiritual direction , that we are not gonna be in the same spiritual flow , that we don't believe the same things . Do you know how many people are divorced because they just don't believe the same things ?
Speaker 1And listen , you would say , well , he loves God , he just wants to go to another church . Yeah , but there's legalism , there's religiosity , there's wrong doctrine , there's wrong control . He wants to suffocate the woman . There's so many different things that you don't see that God is using your church to protect you . That does not mean that you can't go to another church If you are dating somebody from another church and he comes and he's like man , I love this place , man , this is so good , but I just really feel called over here . Well , that might be a season where you can go and have your pastors pray over you and they can release you to go with your husband and go to another church . But what's that ? You can come back to conferences and love on your church and pray for your church . What we're talking about is that dogmatic criticism and anger . That is not God and it is a huge red flag .
Speaker 3And a key that you said is just the leadership in your church . You know there are people . There's your pastors , there's leaders that know you and have a history with you and they didn't walk with you longer than this dude who showed up last month . Ask for their counsel and their guidance , and if they're like , hey , I don't know about this one , hey , I think you should pray about this . Hey , I think you need to put the brakes on this Red flag .
Speaker 3Slow down and trust them . You've trusted them the last several years . They have nothing to gain from telling you the truth .
Speaker 1You know we just saved somebody's life . Praise the Lord , you saved somebody's life on that one ,
number five . Here's the last five qualities look for in the husband Does he have a real love for God ? And I put this one last because it's actually first .
Speaker 1The first should be last , and the last should be first . Does he have a real love for God ? Not . Does he go to church ? Not . Does he own a Bible ? Not . Does he serve as an usher ? Yeah , does he have a passion for Jesus ? Does he have a fervency for the things of God ? Does he have a worship life without you being around ? Does he have a prayer life ? Does he go to God when you're nowhere around , when he come to church , if you were on vacation ? Is he sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit ? Does he have a real love for God ?
Speaker 1This is my greatest advice that I give Mary people Find somebody who loves God more than they love you , because if they love God more than they love you , god would always help them love you better . But a lot of people find people that love them more than they love God and they make you an idol and they get their happiness for you , darling , that's going to run out , and so you want to find a man and listen , they're a little bit harder to come by . We have a man . Well , listen , we're going to focus on the man . We're going to raise a real , mighty man of valor around here .
Speaker 1But unfortunately , satan has done a really good job confusing men . But I'm telling you you would rather be single and satisfied than married and miserable . Come on , and there's a lot of people that overlook red flag after red flag after red flag because they just my biological clock is ticking and I need somebody . No , you can do bad by yourself and listen . You are worth the wait and listen . You being single is not a disease . Come on somebody . You being single , paul was single , jesus was single . You do not have to be married to be fulfilled .
Speaker 1I think that we've put placed almost too much on marriage . We've almost made marriage an idol Like I can't be happy and I can't have joy until I'm married , the devil is a lie .
Speaker 1Matter of fact , if you feel that way don't get married , because when you get married and you think you're going to get joy and happiness getting married , I'm telling you now that that ain't true at all , and so I think that we've placed almost too much emphasis on the marriage and there's so many single people feeling like they don't belong or they're not good enough till they find somebody . No , that's not true . You can fulfill the call of God on your life . You can be about your father's business . There's so much that you can do Now . We honor the marriage . Y'all know we do . We love helping married people .
Speaker 1But God knows being single is not less than being married . You are chosen . You are precious in the eyes of God . You need to find somebody that loves God .
Speaker 3Amen , anything else on that ?
Speaker 1No , I agree 100% . What do you think about these five ?
Speaker 3I think this is good , I think it's a , I mean .
Speaker 1Notice what I didn't say . And my top five wasn't his six pack , wasn't his biceps or his triceps physical characteristics he has to be six to yeah . It wasn't he had making six figures . It wasn't that he was driving a Maserati or New Tesla . Now , all those things might be good .
Speaker 3He owns a home , yeah , none of that .
Speaker 1That didn't make my top five .
Speaker 3He has three avenues of income .
Speaker 1Why ? Why did it not make my top five ? Because if he's committed to holiness and he is under Godly authority , has a love for God , etc . He'll get six figures . You know he'll get those things , he you know . I'm saying if he has God leading him , you know he'll steward his body better . Yeah .
Speaker 1And I think sometimes we make a minor a major , and I think we need to make a major a major and a minor a minor . And I think sometimes we look for in a husband Things that are not eternal or that are natural and that are gonna vanish after 15 , 20 years , instead of looking for the root of things . Yeah , somebody who's gonna be a covering for me and my kids , someone who's gonna love me like Christ , love the church . Somebody who's their word , is their bond , someone who has integrity and character and it's gonna lead people into the kingdom of God . And then watch this , that should be attractive to you . You know , if you give me a man who has a six pack and who's somebody , a guy who's real fine , like I mean they got a .
Speaker 1Okay , let's go , I'm gonna go , michael B . Jordan . Okay , like somebody who I mean you know creed , I mean like you know he's cut , you know I'm saying give me that kind of guy Versus somebody who's got a dead bod but know how to pray , cast out a devil , raise the dead with his faith . Come on by faith and not by sight . Yeah Listen , the average woman is going for Michael B Jordan .
Speaker 3You know I'm tired of that . Whoever that dude is Okay .
Speaker 1I'm telling you now , if you had to choose , go with the dead bod that knows how to move heaven . Yeah yeah , I'm just saying that's the way that you got to go and that's just . That's a light , that's a revelation , isn't it ?
Speaker 3I think you know what I would do if I were single , because I I hear a lot of women struggle with this I would ask it's like okay , god , I have an image in my mind of what my husband will look like . I have this perception of you . Know what he , what he will be like . God , I know that you give me the desires of my heart . However , lord , I'm gonna submit that vision to you . I'm gonna submit those desires to you and that perception to you . Lord , I want to give you permission to change that perspective , to allow me to see through Spiritual eyes , allow me to see what's right for me and what's good for me , because what I've seen is that , you know , I've had friends , you know , that aren't married and you know , you know we've been together for a really long time and stuff like that , and I've seen you know them go from relationship to relationship and still not be married . But I've seen them maybe go for a type , type after type after type , and they never , they don't work out . And and I've suggested , well , maybe you should try this person up . Oh , no , I don't like that . No , I don't .
Speaker 3But it was all based on physical Characteristics and what you think this vision of what you , what they are going to look like look , they could be another skin color . You might be believing for a white man and your husband is a black man . You might be believing for a brown man and your husband is a yellow man , like ask God , submit your desires and submit that vision and that perception that you have , submit it to God and say , god , this is what I want , but nevertheless , your will be done . Nevertheless , god , I want to submit and have the man that you've .
Speaker 1You know kind of made for me that you made for me that you would want , because I don't .
Speaker 3You know , there's not one , you know . I mean I don't want to say that , but God , you know what's best for me . I submit to that .
Speaker 1Yeah , that was good . That was real good . Thank you for that , man . We're out of time for today , but I hope you got blessed by today . If so , we want to hear from you . Leave us a review . Leave us some comments . Share this with other single people who might need it . Next week , we're going for five qualities to look for in a wife . I need you to get your boyfriends , uncles , fathers , cousins and every man that you can think of that is not married and make sure that he tunes in with us next Thursday and that you share this with other people as well , because this will decrease the divorce rate . Knowing what we're looking for . Praise God . All right , guys . We love you . Guys . If you're new to our podcast , man , welcome to the family . We want to do life with you . We release a new episode every Thursday at 3 pm . If you hit the subscribe button , you can be the first to get the content when it is released . We have two great things that are happening in this season . Number one is the better marriage boot camp .
Speaker 1We've designed a 90-day , 12 part boot camp to help you have better sex , have Family meetings , communicate with each other . There's so many different things . We actually have a 90-day devo that we do , where we walk with you in your marriage for 90 days , every single day , giving you a scripture to be able to meditate on . There is so much that is a part of this boot camp and we want to get it into your hands . For more information , go over to our website at Ken and tap at the dot-com or the better marriage boot camp dot-com or the link that is in our show notes .
You can also , if you want , to come join us for 25 year anniversary . We are doing our vows .
Speaker 1She don't want to do it , but I don't care , because I'm gonna celebrate 25 years of marriage on July the 3rd , and we would love to have you be a part of it . Not even sure if tickets are still available , but get them while supplies last . It's gonna be a black tie fair . All of the proceeds are gonna go to help other people Overcome cancer . Yes , it's gonna be a night like no other . All right , just know that you're cherished , your loved , you're appreciated and we're praying for you . And remember that when you get better , the marriage gets better . We'll see you next time , peace you .