Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , what's up everybody ? Hey , everyone , Welcome to another edition of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We're pumped to have you with us . Man , season number two is off to a great start . We're so appreciative of the family .
Speaker 2Yes .
Speaker 1Thank you for hosting us with All Around the World . If you're new to our podcast , we just wanna say welcome .
Speaker 2Yes .
Speaker 1We've been married for 24 years . We share all of our business here really to help you grow closer to the people that God has placed in your life and to grow closer to God as well . And so , sweetheart pumped to be here with you again today .
Speaker 2Absolutely . Hey , just want you to know that we're praying for you . We believe in you . We always pray that people come to this podcast in which you know , like that it's actually helping you , it's actually making a difference in your lives , and so we just think that this podcast today , I think it's gonna make a difference .
Speaker 1And from your emails and all of your comments , I think that it is , and we love to hear from you . Please let us know of how this content is changing your life with .
Speaker 1God and your life , with the people that he's placed in your life . You know we have a boot camp that we've been talking about a lot . We launched it here recently and I know that many of you guys have been hearing it and maybe you've been delaying or procrastinating . You might have a great marriage , but I believe it can get greater . You might have a good marriage , but I believe it can be better , or maybe your marriage is hanging on by a thread . It's time for you to make an investment . I do believe that your miracle is in motion as soon as you take a step . We have a 90 day marriage boot camp that will help whip your marriage into shape . We believe that there is no marriage that cannot be saved . There's no marriage that cannot be better , but what we've realized is that real marriage great marriages it takes an investment . Listen , we are not who we used to be 25 years ago . It has taken an investment .
Speaker 1Book after book , conference after conference , podcast after podcast , to get our marriage to where it is today . We were headed for divorce , but now we're best friends and we wanna share with you the principles that we've learned . And so if you want more information about our better marriage boot camp a 90 day journey where we can be your mentors and your coaches jump over to our show notes . There's a link there . You can also visit it at the bettermarriagebootcampcom to learn more information . I'm pumped about our segment today , sweetheart . What about you ? Feel good about it ?
Speaker 2I feel good about it .
Speaker 1Last week we talked about five qualities to look for in a husband , and it was one for the ages . It really was . If you are a single lady , make sure that you grab hold of last week's segment . Now , this week , we wanna talk about five qualities to look for in a wife . But this is not just towards men . Today , for those of you all who are young men , or men altogether , and you're looking to be married again one day , we're gonna give you some attributes of what to look for before you say I do . But this is not just for men , this is also for ladies , because we're gonna teach you the attributes that you want so that man can find you right . Many people are asking God , god , send me my boas , but you ain't ready if he shows up . And today we wanna help you have the right attributes . And so , off top of your head , sweetheart , what are the main qualities you feel like a man should look for in a wife ? Ready , set , go .
Speaker 2Of course , her relationship with God .
Speaker 1Okay , you know , number one , that's your bullet point , that's your foundation .
Speaker 2Ooh , I mean I struggle because , yes , you wanna be attracted to her . Yeah , Okay . And I don't know if I can put them in order , because you need to be attracted , you need to be attracted to your spouse .
Speaker 1Yeah , don't put them in order , just give me what comes out .
Speaker 2Okay , so that physical attraction yes , but probably equal to physical attraction is does she have a relationship with God ?
Speaker 1Equal . You think so .
Speaker 2I think it's , you know , like , yeah , I would say more , but no , I mean , a lot of people struggle in their marriage because they say , well , I'm not attracted , I'm not , you know , like , no like , and I know , for a man , I'm just thinking for a man . For a woman we might not lean that much to the physical characteristics , but for a man , you see with your eyes and you , God's created us visionary people . Yeah , yeah . So I'm just saying I'm not an expert .
Speaker 1Yeah , this is subjective , we get it , but I appreciate the conversation . I'm just saying I think , okay , let's go with it .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think , yes , you need to be attracted to her . But I would say equal playing field . She bet just as much as you're attracted to her , she better love the Lord . How do you know if she loves God ? Does she do what God says ? Is she involved in church ? Does she serve in church ? What is her community like ? Does she pray ? You know all of those things . So that's number one for me . One two like I don't know . They're kind of equal for me .
Speaker 1Anything else other attributes that a man should look for in a wife I would say integrity , I would say kindness .
Speaker 2For a wife I would say how does she support you ? Is she a cheerleader to you ? So like if you're having a bad day , does she make you feel good ? You know , like , does she know how to kind of lift you up ?
Speaker 1You preaching and you ain't preaching , go ahead .
Speaker 2You know when she's around . You know when you come around in the room and she's there like does she make you feel good , like that ?
Speaker 1Or do you feel like crap ?
Speaker 2Yeah , like . And also , you know , does she add to you and not just take away ? Meaning that do you do ? Do , do , like , okay , you buy this for her , you do that for her . You're always doing for her because you kind of like she's needy , she needs you to make her happy and she's having a bad day , so you do this for her . Well , what if she's having a bad day and you ignore her Question mark ? Can she cheer herself up ? Does she need you to tell her that she's beautiful , or does she already know she's beautiful herself ? Does she have a career of her own or goals of her own ? Or , you know , like , is she , you know , dependent on God and her own ability to be successful , or is this all going to be on you ? I think all of those things are important .
Speaker 1Okay , off top of your head . What's the red flags ? What are the things that are like , hey , if you see this , this woman ain't ready , she's not marriage material .
Speaker 2I think selfishness being inconsiderate , meaning that she's always , you know , concerned about her needs . Hey , can you take me here ? Can you do that for me ? Can you buy me this ? Yeah , and well , I don't feel like doing this today and you don't . You don't get to do anything . She tells you what restaurant to go to . This is what movie you gonna like she's dressing selfishness over into controlling selfishness control red black bossiness reflect inconsiderate yeah you know because I think we'll get to this later on is that you know the Bible's , you know definition of .
Speaker 2You know a wife is , you know she's kind yeah you know she's loving , yeah , she's supporting , and so I think that's a major red flag when it's kind of like all about me okay , well , let me just stop there .
Speaker 1So , so , as I was preparing this , I was , I was in a Uber and I was going over to my barbershop and I love my barbershop big shout out to all my barber friends . And I was just telling them hey , I'm about to do this podcast called five things that a man needs to look for in a wife and five things a wife needs to attributes qualities to look for in a husband . And I asked them and they were single men and I just said hey guys , what are the qualities that you look for in a wife ? I'm doing a podcast , help me , help other .
Speaker 1I want to know , okay , and they said I'm looking for someone who is not gonna beat me down at the end of the day , someone that's gonna be my cheerleader I think they use that word .
Speaker 1Yeah , I'm gonna look for someone who's gonna build me up if they use that word . I'm looking for somebody that won't kick me when I'm down . Yeah , and then the other guy jumped in . He says men , we're simple creatures , I don't need a lot of fanciness , I just know that you kind of have my back . I need to know that . You know you're gonna be there for me . I need to
know .
Speaker 1And then they begin to get over into other stuff , like , well , okay , she needs to look good too . They said that . And then they said and she needs to be like loyal , like dependable , like faithful , you know . And so I said , okay , that's , that's interesting kind of stopped it right there . And then I interject what about her love for God ? And it was oh , yeah , yeah , yeah , she got a love for God .
Speaker 1And they I don't know , they just agreed with that , because pastor was there and it dawned on me that there's many men that they don't understand how important that is . Yeah , I mean , I'm telling you , if she looks good and she's good and bad , or she has money , or she looks like a cover model , they will forego all of these other attributes that you need for a successful family life and marriage just because of what they see . Listen , I do not believe hold that just one second that back that David really considered the cost with bash seba bath . She was taking a bath or whatever she's doing and she was probably fine , but he didn't stop for a second to not allow what he saw to mess up who he was . Wow , and there's this temptation with men that they can be lured away by that which is visual .
Speaker 1But what I've learned about marriage is that that which is attractive today won't be as attractive isn't 35 years because physically we're all changing , like I see some actors and actresses from back in the day , not the name names , but just to say I mean , if you go back to two old school movies 85 and the people that was hot there and now you look and they're like 65 and 75 they won't even come out in public because they have . They have changed so much and their whole identity has been based around what they look like . Now , if you get married and you got married just because of what she looks like not knowing that she's gonna change and he's gonna change within your marriage is gonna be very short-sighted because it's very , very shallow , but what were you gonna say ?
Speaker 2I was gonna say , you know , when it comes to men finding a wife , I don't know if men realize that they have to protect themselves in that dating season and protect themselves when it comes to finding a wife and not allowing someone to come and touch their emotions and , you know , kind of touch them in a way that will make them respond , you know , in an ungodly way or anything like that , meaning that I think that men and women alike underestimate the power of a woman .
Speaker 2I think women are very powerful . I think women are more influential than men . I think , when it comes to women in a man and a relationship , I think that woman , she can turn that man's head whatever direction . I think , yes , he is the head , but I really , you know the Bible in the marriage , the husband is the head in the marriage , which means the woman is going to submit to the leadership of him . Yes , we submit to each other , but in the total scheme of things , if there was a president and a vice president , he would be the president and you've been reading my notes , president .
Speaker 2Right is the law but anyway , as a wife , we can turn that head , whichever , we are so influential . And so I think that men underestimate that power of a woman , even in the dating season , and that you have to protect yourself and guard yourself , you know , when you're allowing women to come in and touch your emotions , because you can be blinded by her body , you can be blinded by her beauty and even , like we can say ten words to your one word , you know we can get into an argument and we are talking to listen that you know you know that y'all know he be talking .
Speaker 2Anyway , we can be wrong and I'll speak to him because I mean I've been married . I can be totally wrong in a conversation .
Speaker 2If I wanted to , yeah , I can turn it around and make you say you're sorry , right , and I say that because when , when men are dating and in this relationship , one of the things you want to look for is you got to know , like , who you're working with . Now , if you get married to someone because we were talking about putting God first like a woman who one of the characters , she just has to love God you better make sure this woman is submitted to God , because if she's not submitted to God , she's show nothing , gonna submit to you and when you get married it's gonna be crazy . You won't have a word .
Speaker 1You know like we can go there if we're not submitted to God yeah , so I would write in my notes don't be blinded by her beauty
. Yeah , because a lot of people are blinded by the beauty . Yeah , and I , when I look at Samson and my God , I mean , don't have to cut your hair in the world . You got no eyes . You throwing down pillow and slipper everyone would agree .
Speaker 2Samson , what are you doing ? Don't tell her . Why would you tell ?
Speaker 1her that the lot , I mean the light , I mean bash she , but blinded by our beauty , come on again and again and again we can see the man are blinded by the beauty . Yeah , so that is a great warning to a man of God . Yeah , blinded by the beauty , because we need something a little deeper . Come what you look like on the outside and so you know , honestly , I was so gullible that you were so beautiful to me that you could have turned up being a ratchet mess you really could have been .
Speaker 1I thank God for the grace and the mercy of God .
Speaker 2I think I was kind of a ratchet met mess emotionally , but I got it together . I thank .
Speaker 1God that he protected me because I was so blinded . Oh my god .
Speaker 2I'm telling you . But we could have . If we had a private conversation , we could start naming off people in the light . They were blinded , they were blinded . I mean , because it just we can't it's not cool at all , but you know , I don't know , but you know , on the other hand , that that godly woman , yeah , when you find that woman is submitted to God , you know it was a good one .
Speaker 1Barbara friends , is that it almost felt and I can't say for sure , but it felt like they had been in relationships where the woman was just beating them down , just beating them down and just beating them down , and now all they could say is hey . When I say , hey , guys , what are you looking for in a woman ? Somebody that's gonna build me up , somebody's gonna love me , somebody's gonna encourage me , somebody that's gonna believe the best in me , is that a woman thing , or is that a just a sinful thing ?
Speaker 2It is If you would listen . If you were to listen to secular music and the way women talk about men and men talk about women .
Speaker 1If you were to watch reality TV shows and what's going on and I don't listen to none of that and I don't watch it , so feel me in .
Speaker 2And what's going on ? I mean , a commercial comes on and it's a 30-second commercial and you're like you know . But if you were to , you know , tune into what's going on out there . Yes , men are getting beat down , you know , by words , and it's not fair and I think you know we're talking about men today . I mean it goes back and forth . But yeah , that's what men are tired of and as a wife , it's not our job to beat our men down . The world does that . Can we just talk ?
Speaker 1about that for a minute , Because I'm gonna get into these five qualities but there's something that's ringing out to me in the spirit right now . I've even noticed , like on our podcast , if I do something that's a little menly , or if I do something that might not be as you know , your bubbly , so forth and so on , that might I'll have a tone from some women that almost feels like , well see , he should just be lucky to have her .
Speaker 1you know , it's almost this thing , can you speak to that for a moment , because it's almost like there's some women who've lost the honor just for the office of a man . You don't understand a man . You don't know how he's wired and you actually are sick of men , but God made him that way . That means that you're sick of God's creation . And the problem is not that the man's being a man , it's your perspective , and I know that you might have been hurt . I know that you might have been . I know that you might have been . God , my heart goes out to you .
Speaker 1But if you don't understand . To honor men for being men , like one thing that I teach my son . Like he don't , he don't yell at this woman , he don't disrespect this woman , this brother , 12 years old , and God at the other night , Like , like .
Speaker 1I came down she's trying to help him with homework and he he caring her , like she doing his homework , like out , like doing it with him , like he ain't , you ain't in eighth grade , seventh grade , listen . And I one more time I said you no more warnings . I come down the next time . And he , like doing this , get up , go in here , because I'm not playing , that you don't disrespect this woman . I teach that boy to respect a woman , open up doors for women , treat , treat them with kindness , so forth and so on . But I think some of it needs to go from women to men treat them with honor , build them up , pray for him .
Speaker 2Well , like you said , that's what I do to our daughters . You know what I mean . Like okay , go go ask daddy if he wants some tea . You and sit , came in the room , sat down on the couch with a drink . Did you ask daddy if he would like a drink ? I mean just honoring you . I'm always teaching them to honor you .
Speaker 2But , I think women respond that way and it's really sad because they have had that . Probably they've been let down and maybe some women have never even seen a real man . I will speak for myself . My dad died when I was six years old . Every man in my life that was either abusive beat me sexually , abused me , called me all kinds of names . I got into my very first relationship . I got my spit in my face , hands around my neck , like , and so the image of a man was very , very low for me .
Speaker 2And my expectation of how was the even to be treated by a man was very , very low . So I didn't have the . Yeah , and there's so many women out there like that , and so when they respond like that , it's worldly and it's not the right thing and it's totally wrong . But , baby girl , I understand .
Speaker 1They've been triggered . Yeah , you've been triggered , it's not okay , it's not an excuse , you have to know .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's not an excuse but they have to be presented . They've never seen a real man .
Speaker 1Here's the thing Not every man is like the man that choked you and spit on you .
Speaker 1Not every man is like the man that abused you Absolutely and don't , you know don't you know , hundreds , if not thousands , of godly men absolutely protect their women love their women cherish their daughters and are faithful to their wives , and it's just like anything else . You don't throw the baby out with the bath , right ? You don't go to a corrupt dentist and then say , well , I'm never going to the dentist again . No , no , but for some reason people have allowed the enemy to paint a picture of the other gender that way .
Speaker 2And I think that this is important , that we're talking about that in this segment , because men need to know when they are looking for a wife . They need to know if she's being triggered and saying , oh well , you just don't talk to me like that and don't do this and don't do that , she may have some stinking thinking . She has some junk in the trunk , meaning like trauma from her past that you need to let her overcome . Don't ask her to marry you if she hasn't overcome this , because she has to renew her mind according to the things of God .
Speaker 1I'm not telling you theories , I'm telling you what .
Speaker 2I know right now the people I'm counseling , people that I'm talking to , that woman will tear your house up .
Speaker 2And so if you so you want to make sure that you know , you know who that is , and I will say this also is that you know , one of the problems that we have , you know , in our society today are just young men who haven't been , who've been raised by only mothers , and they haven't known a man either . So we got women who are offended by a man being a man . And so if she's offended by you , single man , because you talk like this and don't talk to me in that tone of voice , what do you mean ? You want me to talk to you like a woman ? No , you're a man . That's how men talk , Men , don't you know ? Like they're not . They're not a woman , they're a man . So , um , so , so anyway , there's a lot of women who haven't been subject to a godly man or a real man , and they want us to treat them like a woman or how their girlfriend would treat them .
Speaker 2He ain't going to treat you like your girlfriend , you know , and even our sons , you know . Our sons got to be , you know , raised by men .
Speaker 1So anyway , so I want to get into these five qualities to look for in a wife , and we're going to I'm going to spit through them very quickly , because I want to help a man out . Number one you need someone who's respectful . Okay , someone who builds you up , someone who doesn't tear you down , someone who brings the best out of you , somebody who believes in you , someone who encourages you to dream , to support your dreams , someone who knows how to honor her husband is unto the Lord , not just with actions , but with words . Not just with words , but also with actions . And so you need someone that will build up your ego , so to say . And that's actually what one of my barber friends said and I know ego is a word like I ain't gonna build up your ego , but God has hired a man to actually need respect .
The Bible says this in Ephesians 5.33 . It says , however , each one of you must love your wife as you love himself or yourself , and the wife must respect her husband , and I've heard it been said that this is circular , like if a man loves his wife , the wife will respect her husband , and if the wife respects her husband , the husband will love his wife . And so God has hardwired the woman to need my love , and I'm supposed to love you , like Christ loved the church and died for it . So this is a very high level of love . And it's not that you're not supposed to love me , but the way that he's wired me . He's wired me for honor and respect . And so if you are a wife that disrespects your husband , you were tearing down your house with your own hands . And so if you are a single woman , you want to be someone who understands how to honor a man for that office , to honor your husband for the office that he's in Anything come to mind on that .
Speaker 2No , that's very good yeah .
Speaker 1On Proverbs 29.19 . It says it's better to live in a desert than with a quarrel , some in a nagging wife . Now , can you think about that for a moment ? It's better to live out in the desert with some cactuses and no water than it is with a woman that's going to tear you down and cuss you out .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1If something has to change . Number two what are you looking for in a wife ? Someone who's secure . You feeling this one Like a man needs a wife that's secure . You know it's a huge quality . You don't want a wife that every time you go out on a business trip she's like okay , who you done been with . You don't want a wife that every time you go and take a picture she's looking through your phone and looking through your email . I'm not talking about if you've been unfaithful and you have broken down trust . I'm talking about she's just a jealous person , she's just an in-red flag , red flag , she's just an insecure person .
Speaker 1Oh my God , you will always be guilty , even when you didn't do anything at all , and so you need a woman who is confident , because her confidence is in Christ . You need a woman who knows who she is in Christ Jesus , that she's not looking over every corner , because she believes . Well , if God be for me , then who can be against me ? Yeah , and God will make anything . All things work together for my good . She needs a confidence in God . She needs security .
Speaker 2Amen .
Speaker 1Anything on that ?
Speaker 2No , I agree .
Speaker 1Okay , proverbs , chapter 31 and 25 , it says that she is clothed with strength and dignity and she laughs without fear of the future . And that's what you want A woman who's clothed in strength and dignity , like you are sweetheart , and laughs without fear of the future . Yes , this person is secure . They don't have a fear of the future . What if that investment don't work out ? What if we get foreclosed on ? What if I can't have a kid again ? What if , oh my God , there's so much fear God isn't giving us the spirit of fear .
Speaker 2What if ?
Speaker 1power and love . You want a woman that's secure .
Speaker 2I think I love that . It says a laughs without fear of the future . And a lot of that is because she is resourceful . She knows how to make it happen Like , okay , I have reserves , I have storage . I'm not living day by day , you know , by the hair of my titty chin chin . No , I have . You know history . I have bank accounts , I have savings , I got a backup plan , I have a network and a family of people to support me , and so she's , she's strong .
Speaker 1Yeah , I love this . I think I'm gonna jump to number three . Number three the third quality that you would be looking for in a wife is someone who's submitted . Okay , I'm submitted to God , but also submitted to you , and I want to talk about this for a moment and we always park here . You know I believe in mutual submission . I really do . I believe that the Bible tells us to submit one to another . As a pastor , people should submit to me as a godly leader , but I'm also to submit to other authorities in my life and also to the people of God .
Speaker 1So even when I preach , it's a level of me serving people and submitting to them .
But and so when we say submission , unfortunately many people hear slavery . But this is what I need you to hear about submission is that it takes two equals to submit , okay . And so submission is not a position of weakness , submission is a position of strength . And so if you submit to your husband , it's because you are mature enough to do that as unto the Lord . It's not because you're controlled , it's not because you're weak , it's because you're strong enough to do things God's way , all right . And so I want to make this as simple as I can . When I say a man , listen , you got to find a wife that submitted . Let me make it practical . You need somebody who's easy to lead .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Because the last thing that you need is the bump heads and the fight over every car you need to purchase , every house you want to purchase , where your kids going to go to school . It's like there's so many people that are butt in heads and fighting because there's somebody who just doesn't know how to follow the lead . Now , as a head , I'm smart enough to marry Tabitha . I'm smart enough to listen to the wisdom that comes from her . So I typically don't buy a house or a car without getting her yes and her approval , and if we're in disagreement , I just won't do it . Every once in a while there's a decision that just has to be made and she has to submit to me as unto the Lord , because I am in the office of a leader . Okay , and that's very important .
Speaker 1I think there's a scripture in 1 Corinthians 11.3 . Listen to this . It says but I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man and the head of Christ is God . It says that the head of every wife , okay , is the husband , is what it says in a different translation . Let me kind of break that down for you . What that means is that the husband has a leadership role in the house . Yeah , it's not because he's bigger or better or he's special . Actually , headship is a position of responsibility . So many people when they read this , they say well , the Bible's antiquated and I'm woman hear me roar and came . Nobody tell me what to do . You ain't gonna have a good marriage that way . Until you understand this God is the one that made marriage . God is the only one that can give you an anointing or grace to manage your marriage .
Speaker 1And what the scripture says is that the head of the woman is the man . It does not mean that he's your dictator , it does not mean that he's your controller , but it does mean that he is the leader . And you need to honor your leader . You need to be easy to lead , because leadership is not just talking about controllership . This is talking about servant leadership . I just feel like people's definitions are jacked , because when it says that the man is the head , it means that the warfare is coming to him first , the weight is coming to him first , the pressure is coming to him first , the persecution , the way that the enemy wants to attack the children in the home it's all coming to the man first . Why ? Because if you can take out the leader , if you can take out the president of the United States , the nation is in a disrupt . If you take out the head coach , the team is going to the left and to the right . If you can come after the leadership person will then the sheep scatter .
Speaker 1So to say and so , because many people don't understand the importance of headship , they hear it like OK , what do you mean ? The head is me , and think of it . This scripture relates the way that the husband is to the way that Jesus is over our lives . It's an important position of honor and prestige that the man should take with great care to be a great servant leader , absolutely , but the wife should build him up and uphold the office that he's in . Are you feeling me on this ?
Speaker 2Absolutely , I just love how you broke it down and you make it . It's not offensive . The Bible is not offensive .
Speaker 1The Bible ain't antiquated outdated . We are .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's just , it's just easy .
Speaker 1God knows us , it's just everyone there .
Speaker 2There's an order to everything that God has done in the earth . It's just like you know children and parents . You know , have parents and children . The children submit to the parents . You have grandparents . There's a hierarchy in everything that we do .
Speaker 1Let me read it again . But I want you to realize , first Corinthians 11.3 , that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man and the head of Christ is God , talking about the father . Ok , so what it's saying is that the head of every man is Christ and the head of the woman is the man . But if the man's head is Christ and I'm submitted to Christ , when I read it and I say , well , I'm the head , because I like what I'm the man , what does that mean to you , that man ?
Speaker 1when you say you demand , what does that mean ? When you say you the head , what does that mean ? Let me tell you , because you got a couple of another scripture Right . So hermeneutics is your ability to have right interpretation from the spirit of scripture .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1Genesis , the revelation . You can't just take out first Corinthians 11.3 and say I'm the head and this is what it means to me . Know what does it mean ? You got a couple of what Ephesians 525 and it says for husbands this means love your wives , just as Christ love the church , and he gave his life for her . So when I say you're supposed to submit to me , let me take you higher . I'm supposed to give my life for you . That's a higher level of submission .
Speaker 1So if the Bible says you're supposed to submit to my leadership and my headship , well , I'm supposed to die for you . I'm supposed to give up my life . It ain't about my Ferrari , it's not about what I want to go , it's not about how good I look . It's all about how I can make you better in your dreams come to pass . It's about how I can die so that the greater one in you can live . And when we understand hermeneutics and we put scriptures together , headship ain't a bad thing . There's women that should be like please , god , send me a head , please send me a leader , send me a covering , send me some protection , send me somebody that can take the warfare and the weight that you have not created me to handle by myself , right , and so that's what it means to be a husband .
Speaker 2So good babe .
Speaker 1What sticks out to you .
Speaker 2I mean I just I don't know . I just agree with it all . I just love the way that you laid it out , because sometimes we either hear it , it's off balance the way we hear it , whether off balance toward the man or toward the women , but you gave a very balanced perspective . Yeah it's just good , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 1So number four what do you look for in the wife ? Someone who handles responsibility well . So running a family is a huge task . You're looking for a woman that can handle multiple things well household responsibilities , financial responsibility , children responsibilities , spiritual responsibilities and God knows , wifey responsibilities in parentheses , we know what that is . You're looking for someone who can go to school but still have a clean house , pack lunches for the kids but still give up some . And I mean you're looking for someone like . This is what a wife is . And you say , well , where is that in the Bible ? That's what the Proverbs 31 woman was .
Speaker 1Yeah , if you read Proverbs 31, . It says verse 10 says who can find a virtuous and capable wife ? She's more precious than rubies . Her husband can trust in her . So you want to find somebody you can trust . She will greatly enrich his life , not tear his life up . I love it she brings him good , not harm all the days of his life . That's a woman that can bring me good to my life , not harm . The wife's job is to bring good to the man all right .
Speaker 1She finds wool and flax and busily spends them . She's like a merchant's ships bringing her food from afar . She makes sure that her family is fed . That's not chauvinistic , that's not old school , that's like dog . Go to Chick-fil-A , at least you can't cook . Take some classes , do something . Don't let us walk around here hungry and horny . I should do a podcast while men are quitting on life because they're hungry and horny . Yes , Like if you just give them a sandwich and some sex , he would be okay . I'm telling you .
Speaker 2God , I'm preaching , okay , I'm fulfilling myself today . I don't have to say anything because you're kind of covering it here .
Speaker 1Verse 15, . She gets up before dawn to prepare back breakfast for her household and plans the day's work for her servant girls . She got people working for her . She goes to inspect the field and buys it . She's an investor . With her earnings she plans a vineyard . She gets a return . She's energetic and strong and a hard worker . She's not watching soap operas all day and basketball or wives or whatever . She makes sure her dealings are profitable . Her lamp burns late into the night . Her hands are busy spending threads . I guess what I'm saying is that she got a lot of stuff going on . She's managing a lot of different affairs and you need a woman that can do a lot of different things because , honestly , that's what it means to be a wife . It's a whole lot of stuff . It's not that the man don't have stuff going on as well , but you are looking for somebody that can hold tight .
Speaker 2She handles her business , she knows how to prioritize and , most importantly I think you're saying here is that she doesn't break under pressure . You need a wife that's not going to break under pressure , especially if you've got goals . You have goals for your life . There's things that you want to do in your life and you need a wife who can support you . You need a wife who doesn't break under pressure , that can handle the controversy , that can handle the haters .
Speaker 1A ride or die is going to be like baby , let's do this I know of someone who got married to someone beautiful on the outside but start dealing with mental health depression and sadness , started going to counseling and some therapists told her that you need to get yourself together , almost independent of your marriage .
So she just worked on her , worked on her , worked on her . Nothing on the marriage Ends up ruining the marriage , leaving the marriage just because she felt like she never got . She should have never got married . What's that ? My friend didn't look for the right attributes going into the marriage . It wasn't that he was a bad guy or even that she was a bad girl .
Speaker 1She ain't ready to be a wife . She cannot handle the weight , the responsibility , mentally , emotionally . She is not wife material and the only mistake that was made was that you didn't know what you needed going into it .
Speaker 2Wow .
Speaker 1And so , oh man , hope we're helping . Number five is look for a wife who's God first and of course this is the last one , but this is the first one for us Somebody who knows how to talk to God , someone who knows how to hear from God , someone that lives their life by his word , not just the woman that's carrying a Bible and throwing oil around . Somebody that will really live a life where God is first . You know , matthew 633 is our scripture . It says seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these other things shall be added unto us and man of God . That's what you're looking for in a wife . You are looking for a woman that will seek first , not second , not third , not fourth , but first the kingdom of God .
Speaker 1A woman who will go to church without you asking . A woman who will pray in the morning . That you get up in the morning and you see her having divo time . You're wanting a woman to wear . If there was an advantage to do something that was shady , she would rather take the disadvantage than break the heart of God .
Speaker 1Thankfully , by the grace of God , I married a woman like that . That I get up in the morning , I see her praying that when things happen , I hear her prophesying , I hear her decreeing . When I say , hey , god's leading me to give this , she says , well , god told me to give this . She's always challenging me , and that's the kind of woman that you want , and there are all kinds of women of God around here . But it's not just about their looks , it's not just about their figures . It's not let me just be real . It is not about their breast and their boobs and their legs . It's not just about their figure . It's not about their bank account . It is so much more than that . It is about their spirit , it is about their soul , it's about their emotional development , and so , if you're going to look for a wife , find somebody that loves God more than they love you , and God will also make sure that she always takes care of you for the rest of your life .
Speaker 1I believe there's a man who's watching this that you have a Proverbs 31 woman and she is being prepared for you right now . Do not fall for the decoy . Wait for the real McCoy . Do not fall for the things that are good . Wait on the things that are God . If you , if you in your spirit , no , do not rush . I just I have someone right now , a good friend of mine , that just went through a divorce because they went for what was good in the moment , but not what was God . They married somebody that did not compliment their life very well . All of us , we knew it around , but they didn't know it . But I need you to hear this man of God . It is much better for you to be single and ready to mingle than to be married and mad . And so look for these attributes and I believe that God's got some . God has hands on a potter's wheel for somebody for you right now . We're out of time for today . I hope that you guys enjoyed the podcast . We gave you our best today . We really did . Oh , my God , I feel like I'm done . Oh , man , but if you enjoyed today , let us know . We love to hear your encouragement . It puts the life back into us . Pray for us , pray for our family , pray for this ministry . If you're new to our podcast , make sure that you hit the subscribe button if you're on YouTube , so that you can be the first to get the content as it's released . Of course , it's wherever you find podcast , also here on YouTube .
Speaker 1The Better Marriage Bootcamp is changing lives and helping marriages get better . Right now . Make that investment , man . Even if you have a great marriage , take a 90 day course and see if God can take you to a whole other level . We're getting I'm doing a Val Renewal on July the 3rd . We'd love for you to come and be a part of it . 25 years of marriage here in Orlando . Go see Mickey , go to Universal , but come hang out with us . It's going to be a black tie event . For more information about that , check out our website and just remember that when you get better life , your marriage will get better . Thank you so much for tuning in to Doing Life with Ken and Tapatha .
Speaker 1We'll see you soon .
Speaker 2Peace .