Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We want to do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , what's up everybody ? Hey , everyone .
Speaker 2Welcome to another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha Girl , you right on cue already .
Speaker 1Come on , pumped about today . Today we want to help some single people . All my single ladies say hey . Fellas say oh , all right , if you are single , ready to mingle , this is the episode for you . If you know anybody who is single they are not married we're going to pay it forward to you and we're going to help you have a satisfied single life . We're going to get into all of that , so stick out with us . But we're so honored to have you guys today .
Speaker 2Yes , we are , and if you're new to our podcast , we want to say welcome and also thank you for tuning in today . We're praying for you and we believe that God leads people to this podcast that actually need it and will be blessed by it .
Speaker 1We are your hosts . We've been married for 25 years y'all . We always say it's been the best 23 years of our lives and now that Tabitha got herself together things are a whole lot better . That's what you always say that's what I say , that's what you . That's the truth , that's the truth . But anyway , we are taking all of the lows and highs of 25 years of relationship , 23 years of ministry , 17 years of being lead pastors , and we're just paying it forward .
Speaker 1We don't know everything , but we know some things in our life to bless many people's lives , wherever you are , and so we're so honored to have you and so glad that you found us . If you're new to our podcast , let us know what your name is in the comments where you're tuning in from . Of course , you can like , subscribe , share , be the first to get the content every Thursday at 3 pm when it is released . All right , we want to jump into today's topic , because this is going to be a good one . This is a doozy . I want to talk about five dating do's and don'ts .
Speaker 2Do's and don'ts .
Speaker 1And I'm giving a subtitle A Foundation for Great Relationships . Oh , that's good , and so talk to me , sweetheart . What do you think about my title ? First off cause you know , I'm the one make this , these titles .
Speaker 2I like your tat titles . They're very practical . And so this , like I mean we , we know exactly what's going to be talked about , so let's get in it .
Speaker 1All right , um uh , I want to talk to people who are Talk to people who are people who've been married and maybe they're single again . People who are single and you know , just single . But specifically for those who are in a dating relationship , want to get in a dating relationship . I believe there's some guardrails that we can give people today . When I talk about do's and don'ts , how does it make you feel ?
Speaker 2Anything jump out to you . I personally like do's and don'ts . I'm that kind of practical person . I'm a self-help person . I like self-help books and things like that . So I'm always interested in other people and their experience . And what are your do's and don'ts ? Because I learned from yours , you learned from mine , so it makes me happy .
Speaker 1That's kind of like why we have the format of our podcast .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1Because we are more like self-help , not self-help in a negative way but we are life learners . Yeah , we are like give me five things to do , 10 things to do , give me some information that I don't know , and so we don't do a ton of vlogs and creative stuff . And we see people do creative stuff .
Speaker 2Man , that's amazing .
Speaker 1But we just got to do what we're good at , which is basically giving biblical spiritual principles in a very practical , applicable way , and so we're going to stay in our lane with that . So this is what I feel . I feel like there's so many single people that are just disgruntled . I feel like there are a lot of single people that are lonely . A lot of single people feel rejected , abandoned , misunderstood . There's a lot of single people that are hurting . Now there's some single people that's rocking it out , and you know who you are and they're just loving life and everything .
Speaker 1But I kind of want to speak to that for a moment , those single people who feel lonely , abandoned , rejected . And my word and you can jump on it if you want to is that you don't have to be married to be fulfilled . I think sometimes we make marriage too sexy , almost , or like that's the pinnacle and we have a marriage podcast , because we're called to really help married people . But we have a heart for all people , regardless of their relationship status . We just know that marriage is warfare . God knows married people need all the tools and help that they can possibly get .
Speaker 1But I don't want people to get the wrong conclusion that marriage is better than being single . Matter of fact , the Bible kind of mentions the opposite , the apostle Paul , especially in 1 Corinthians 7 , he kind of nods to the fact that , hey , if you're single , it would be better for you to remain single , because then you can be about the work of the Lord , because if you get married , then you're going to have to be about the work of the world . What that means is that you're going to have to fix him a sandwich and you're going to have to give him a son and you're going to have to take care of her needs and minister to find out her love language and all that . So he's like , hey , it might be better for you .
Speaker 2You have to pay the affection bill .
Speaker 1Yeah , all that good stuff have family meetings , lord Jesus , think about what's going on in your world . So he's like listen , if you stay single , you can be about the work of the Lord . But the problem that I have is that there are a lot of people who are single that are not about the work of the Lord , Like this is their season , where they're supposed to be the ones leading groups , going to church , leading people . I mean , they got a little bit more time on their hands .
Speaker 1I mean , of course , everybody's situation is different . You have some people that are single but they have children . But what I'm saying is , in general , you should have more time on your hands than if you had to take care of the needs of your spouse . That extra time is for you to put God first and build the things that is in his heart . Anything , stick out to you from there .
Speaker 2That's interesting because you have a lot of single professional people . Their extra time goes to building their business . Their extra time goes to good things . But I think what you're saying is there's a God thing and there's a space in your life as a single to put God first . I mean , you can put your God first in all of your life , but there's a space when you're single that you won't have when you're married , you won't have when children come . There's more time .
Speaker 2I remember before I mean , we were new in our marriage but we just got into the things of God and you would ask me for permission Like , hey , I want to fast and pray for two days , is that okay ? I'm just going to be downstairs . You're not going to see me , you know what I mean . I'm just going to not eat food , you know whatever . And I would be like , oh my gosh , he's so serious . But yes , of course , babe , do that . But you had to ask permission from me if you could just leave my life for two days and go spend time with the Lord . Now put kids in the picture . You probably can't do that anymore . You know what I mean . But as a single , you don't have to ask for permission and you make your own schedule . You have all the time that you want with God .
Speaker 1Yeah , you know , my initial comments is you know , just a moment ago was not saying that other things aren't important .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1Like OK , you're a professional , you're a doctor , you're a nurse , you're an attorney , go ahead with your bad self . What I'm saying is that in that season , god still expects you to put him first , meaning that there is a way that you can live your life , that , even though you have these responsibilities , he still needs to be first . I think that goes without saying . But here's what I want to say to single people is we want to raise up single people that are single and satisfied , not single and miserable , not single and competing , not single and miserable .
Speaker 1Not single and competing . Not single and disgruntled , not single and lonely , but single and satisfied . And I just feel like what I see are a lot of married people that they want to be single . They don't like their marriage .
Speaker 2Oh , my goodness .
Speaker 1And then I see a lot of single people pressed to be married and I think what scripture teaches us is that we need to be content with whatever state we're in . So we are married , we're proud to be married , we're happy to be married and we don't want to be single . But if we were single I'm not , you know what I'm saying I would want to be happy to be single , fulfilled to be single , not saying that I don't want to be married , but I want to be content .
Speaker 2You don't feel like there's something missing because you're not married . You're not out there looking for your better half because you're already whole in Jesus Christ .
Speaker 1You're enough already on your own , and we just need people who are listening and watching to this . I need you to receive that by the Spirit of God .
Speaker 1There is nothing missing or lacking or broken on the inside of you and you are worth the wait . And if that wait has been longer than what you think , it is either if you're believing to be married , either God has his hands on somebody that's perfect for you and that is taking a little bit longer than you thought , or just you know God's going to give you a grace for the season that you're in and live your life to the fullest , regardless of your relationship status . Jesus was not married , Paul was not married , but they were single and satisfied . And so I just kind of like to start there , to let us know that what we're about to build on is to kind of get you ready for the do's and don'ts of dating . So here's my assumption .
Speaker 1My assumption is that there are some people that are dating or going to get into a dating relationship because God knows you need to be able to date before you get married relationship , because God knows you need to be able to date before you get married . And I don't know if that word is too secular for you , I don't know . People have special friends in the Christian world , Like come on bro , you need to get to know each other .
Speaker 1Let's bring terms out of the clouds for just a moment , like okay , you got a special friend , you like them , so yeah .
Speaker 2I like you , you like me . We're going to go on a date . Date does not mean sex . It doesn't mean any . It means getting to know each other , getting to know each other .
Speaker 1Oh well , there's another word , because if you are a person who's single and want to be married , you probably need to go on dates . You know , I'm not saying be a serial dater where you're like dating everybody all the time but don't be closed at the same time , like some people that I see are single and I'm like man , you want to be married but you're you're so closed off that if you everybody has to check all these boxes for you to go have coffee , like you know what I'm saying .
Speaker 2Do you see a balance there ? What's your thought ? Um , I , yeah , I definitely see that , especially with women , you know , I know that there's it's . It's probably difficult . You know , I would imagine that it's difficult . Now , I've been married for a very long time . I remember when I was single and I mean I wasn't saved , and so that's another thing when you're trying to live a holy life . But I remember being single as an unsafe person and just feeling like don't talk to me , don't talk to me , don't talk to me , don't talk to me , because it was like oh my gosh , people leave me alone .
Speaker 1That's because you were fine girl people leave me alone , you know .
Speaker 2So , yes , no , yes , you want to be in a relationship , but you want , like , ooh , like , you get so many people who are not worth your time God bless them that you don't want to be in a relationship coming up to you , kind of just get used to like , oh my gosh , leave me alone , you know . And then if you've been in bad relationships , then you , just like I got to the point . You know , I was in an abusive relationship , you know , and I was just like , when I met you , I basically gave you the hand , I was like , why is he here ? I don't want to talk to him , because I was just done and my heart was broken . I felt bad , you know , and I didn't want to talk to men . Yes , I wanted a great relationship . Yes , secretly , I was hoping that I would find , you know , the man of my dreams , but there's just this .
Speaker 1There's a lot going on , yeah there's a lot going on there . Thank you for that , because we're not going to give you rules today . We're not going to tell you that you know what you should or should not do . We're just going to give you some principles and parameters . You were single what ? 24 , 25 years . So you know what it's like to be single I was single for 21 years .
Speaker 1We've been married for 25 years now . But I tell you what we pastor a lot of single people , so it's not like we're completely disconnected . I don't know exactly what's in everybody's world , but the Holy Spirit does . But I'm telling you , after pastoring as many people as we do , I've learned some do's and don'ts . So I want to jump into these , if that's okay , okay , let's do it All right . Five dating do's and don'ts . Number one do be friends first .
Speaker 2I like that .
Speaker 1Sounds simple enough , right , all right , but some people are overlooking a very important step that you should like each other if you date If you want to marry somebody . And to me , dating I'm only going to date someone that I would look that could possibly be a spouse . There's no such thing as let's just date for fun . That's crazy , that's a waste of time . We're wasting meal space . We're wasting a lot of time . This person should have something that now you don't know them yet , because it's like a first date or second date .
Speaker 1You don't know them , but there's something about them that could possibly be there . It's not like you're looking at , like no , I would never . Okay , that probably ain't it . But I think that some people are getting married for physical attractiveness , money , all kinds of different reasons , but they don't even like each other . Yeah , so talk to me . Is that important to you ?
Speaker 2I think it's really important . What we found is that a lot of people get married because they have sex first , sex before marriage . They're physically attracted to each other and they kind of just form this connection , this , what is it ? This soul tie , and like , you love this person and you know because of everything that you've been doing together . But then you get married and find out , oh , I don't like you , right , I don't like how you do that , I don't like your frame of thinking , I don't like your . You know like I'm , I work on a 10 all the time and you're like a five . Why are you so slow ? Well , why are you so fast ? Like , we figure out after the fact that we don't really like each other and now you have a different problem on your hand .
Speaker 1Well , I think one of the things that have allowed us to have 25 years of marriage , and I'm looking forward to the next 25 years is that we're best friends .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And that's not cliche , that's not just a phrase . I want to spend time with you , yeah , in my off time . You want to spend time with me . We work together . We my off time . You want to spend time with me . We work together , we eat together , sleep together , we do everything together , because you are the person that I want to spend the most time with . Now we're a lot .
Speaker 1We're not alike in all things , but we're best friends and I think that that like portion is what energizes the love portion , and I just think that we should look for people that we actually enjoy their company . Here's number two do is do give yourself enough time to see how they respond to challenging seasons .
Speaker 2I like that .
Speaker 1Now some people they know how to interview . Well , it's like you can , you know , you can be a supervisor and you can get the resume of people . And there are some people they know how to interview or they can interview , right . But then when you get them on the job , you're like oh my God , what have we done ? And I think dating is like that a lot , because people know how to interview , they know how to put on the right perfume and colognes .
Speaker 1They know how to dress themselves up . They know what restaurants to go to . That doesn't mean that they're going to make a great spouse , so we got to give ourselves a season to see how they handle hard things , difficult things , because pain shows you what a person is really made of .
Speaker 2Yeah , I agree . So that takes a little bit of time and to allow them to respond to you when things happen in your life , maybe when you're having a bad day or when you have a trying you know situation , uh , bringing it to them , talking it out , seeing what their perspective is , I think that is healthy .
Speaker 1You know , I had , um , uh , a gentleman who goes to our church , that um , he's when he went to propose to his wife , um , they were both professional athletes and when he went to propose he was waiting . He had a ring on for many months , was waiting for her to have a horrible day , like a horrible workout , a horrible day . He was waiting for her to have a bad day and one day she had just the worst workout , felt like giving up , um , you know , quitting , quitting the profession , and he got down on a knee and he proposed to her and said sweetheart , I'm making a commitment to love you in your worst days . Now , that's different than the people who get engaged and they , you know , everything is perfect .
Speaker 2You , don't time that all out and I said man , what revelation is that ?
Speaker 1Because that's where true marriages are built right . Like , I'm going to choose to love you in your worst days , because anybody can love somebody in their best days , but it's your worst days . I just think that that's good . Number three is this do be attracted to them . All right , and this one's important because , like I said , I think there's people who are dating people that you don't really , you're not attracted to them and when you get married , I don't know , tell me , is attraction important in our marriage ?
Speaker 2I think it is . I mean , yeah , I mean , I think it's a big deal . I want to be attracted to you . I want that more than a brother-sister love .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2I don't want a partnership or a roommate or an executive assistant . I want the chemistry between each other .
Speaker 1You think this is popular , that people are just overlooking if they're attracted . I think that there are some people that are too far and they got to have everything perfect you got to be six foot three with white teeth and got to be have this kind of job .
Speaker 1And you , you , you know cause I wouldn't have been on your list . You know of what you were looking for . I think that there's some people that your standard it's not that it's too high , cause I want you to have high standards , but you just got to let God breathe on your standards , Like maybe you know , ball up your list a little bit and say , God , give me what's best for me and help me see them when they come Right .
Speaker 2I think there's two ends of the spectrum . You have people who go for . You know it's just . You know it's all about the sex and it's all about that physical attraction . You know what I mean . And then they get married , like we said in number one , and then they're not friends and they figure out .
Speaker 2oh my gosh , what am I going to do ? Well then there's some people who might go all the way over to maybe like the holy side . If you're a believer now and you say , no , I need him to go to church and I need him to read the word , and I need him to do this stuff , and you're so in love with his relationship with God and how he's a good person , or she's a good person , but now you forgot like oh my gosh , I'm not attracted to them , Right ?
Speaker 2I think it's a big deal . And then that's something else you have to work on . You got to figure that out .
Speaker 1Right , yeah . So I think my word would be don't be so spiritual about , because your marriage it's a spiritual covenant , but there's a lot of natural to it . Yeah , like and it's a spiritual covenant , but there's a lot of natural to it Like and so anyway . Number four is do know when it's time to have deeper conversations . So when you're dating somebody , you need to know when it's time to have deeper conversations . You probably shouldn't come in on the first date talking about how many kids you want to have in the first date .
Speaker 2Some people do I think maybe it works for them , but to me wisdom is the key . People do I think yeah .
Speaker 1Maybe it works for them , but to me , wisdom is the key . Uh-huh , you got to be wise enough to know when to have certain conversations . But before you give too much of your emotions and invest too much time , there are some deeper conversations you need to have . Uh-huh , would you agree ?
Speaker 2Yeah , like what .
Speaker 1How many children do you want ?
Speaker 2to have ?
Speaker 1What church will we go to if we get married ?
Speaker 2But just many children , do you ?
Speaker 1want to have what ? What church will we ?
Speaker 2go to . Okay if we get married , but just not on the first date . You're saying first date , get to , just do . I like this person . Are we compatible ?
Speaker 1where will we spend thanksgiving and christmas ? If we get married ? What does your credit score look like ? How much money do you have saved in the bank ? Uh-huh , come on now like , this is gonna be a life partnership .
Speaker 2How long have you been at your last job ? How long have you been a business owner ?
Speaker 1What's your relationship ?
Speaker 2with your parents ? Do you have kids ? That's a great question . You have other ?
Speaker 1kids somewhere ? Do you have any sickness , any diagnosis ? It's not that it's a deal breaker , but don't surprise me after we get married with stuff there needs to be at some place . I can't say date one , date two , date three , date four , date five . The Holy Spirit will give you wisdom , but like , don't go in with just surface relationship . Oh , we love each other , because marriage is going to be more than that . It's going to be commitment , it's going to be agreement , there's going to be partnership .
Speaker 1And you need to have deep conversations to see if this thing has the compatibility to go the distance . You wasn't ready for that . One Number five do all right is know your worth and don't give out discounts . And I think that's huge , to know your worth and not give out discounts . And to me let me talk to my daughters , young ladies is if a man is not willing to pay the price for you , he's not worthy of you and the price is a ring . It is a marriage commitment and I think too many times we give out discounts and I know it goes vice versa , like for men as well .
Speaker 1It goes both men and women , but the principle is this .
Speaker 2It's like if you know your worth , you don't have to give out discounts , People can pay the full price for you , and I think that's important . What do you think ? I think it's very important and I think the person I mean if you are willing to stick to your standards and stand strong in your beliefs , I think that makes that that person will respect you for that , they will honor you for that and that will make them love you more .
Speaker 1Yeah , and I'm not saying play hard to get . I think that's whack too .
Speaker 2Yeah . Well , what you mean by discount is that sex before marriage ?
Speaker 1Yeah , If you are a believer , god's way is better than our way . Period , point blank . If you are a believer , god's way is better than our way . Right Period , point blank . Now , so what the Bible says is that sex is supposed to be between a married man and a married woman . That's it . So what that means is that in your dating , you're basically working on communication , emotional connection , spiritual connection , but the physical connection is last and the physical connection is supposed to come after . You say I do . Now the challenge that people have with that is that they say well , what if the sex ain't good ? Or what if our sexual rhythms are off ? All of those different things . I would say God's way is better than our way .
Speaker 2That's crazy .
Speaker 1I would say well , you have to trust God that he's brought this person into your life and as you go through the premarital state , you have to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit . And you got to trust God .
Speaker 2I just never . I just that's such a lie though that's I think that's a lie of the enemy . Like what if the sex isn't good ? What do you mean ? This is the person that you love , that you're . You know you love them , you're committing your life to marry them , you're attracted to them and you're afraid that you're going to get married to them and then find out that you don't like the way they have sex . Like that's so like I've never heard .
Speaker 1I don't know if I meant it that way .
Speaker 2I think what I was thinking was more like Well , I hear people say that though that's a common thing , like thing , like oh well , but what if you , you know you need to try before you get married ? What if you don't like it ? What if you're not sexually compatible ? I , I just don't know how that happens , how you love one another , like you know , and you're not going to be well I was thinking more from the standpoint of sexual rhythms like that .
Speaker 1That person wants to have sex every day and the other person wants to have sex every other week or stuff like that . You know what I'm saying . Like you don't know those things until you actually get into that yeah , you never , you can't , you can't .
Speaker 1And I guess what I was saying is like be okay with not knowing those things you know , because God's way is going to be better than our way .
Speaker 1The longer that you're in ministry you will find someone who's like , yeah , the longer that you're in ministry you will find someone who's like , yeah , I did it right , I kept it locked till it was get that rock , and then when we got married it was horrible , like they , either there was sexual trauma that had been unresolved , there was all kinds of things that their sexual life I mean .
Speaker 1I literally know people that they did it the right way , so to say , I know , but then had sexual problems Right , right way , so to say , but then had sexual problems . You can't take that example and then set yourself up another doctrine and say , just because I've heard that happen to people , that means I'm going to take matters into my own hands and do it my way instead of God's way . You got to know that God's way is always going to be better than your way . And so if God's way says yes , because with all faith there's a risk , with everything there's a risk , and so I don't know about you I think it's more risky to be sleeping around with everybody . I think that's more risky than just trusting God with my sexuality until .
Speaker 2I say I do .
Speaker 1But if there ever comes a place , just rest assured that God got you and that whatever is happening in your sexual life after you get married and how you have to learn each other , the grace of God is going to cover it , because you did it his way . Let's do five dating don'ts . Is that where we at Don't ?
Speaker 2All right .
Speaker 1How about this one ? Don't be pressed . All right Because- .
Speaker 2Please don't be pressed .
Speaker 1Can I talk to the ladies just for a second ? Can you give me permission to talk to the ladies ? Thank you for the permission . One thing that a man doesn't like is a pressed woman . Now , I say that very generally because some men might like it , but what I'm saying is , for the most part , men are unattracted to pressed women .
Speaker 2And how would you define , describe a pressed woman ? Just thirsty .
Speaker 1Just like you know she like you and she's making all of the forward movements to let you know she like you . Like , as a man , I want to be the pursuer . Like I don't mind you throwing a hint , you know what I'm saying . Like , oh , I see you , you see me , you know what I'm saying . Like what's up ? But like this whole thing of like I don't know . We just live in a day and time where I see ladies proposing , I see ladies taking the full advantage of that . There are some guys that they are not good with women . So I know of people who are married now because the woman pursued him . There's going to be some times like that . But I'm just telling you my name is Ken and I'm your friend .
Speaker 1For the majority , for the most part , a guy wants to be the pursuer . You throw him a little hint , maybe a little flirt , but you got to have pace with this thing , man . It's like a running back . You just can't run up into your linebacker every single time . You got to wait for the hole , the gap to open to be able to run through , to get a touchdown . And I think that some ladies , they need to practice patience , like let him come to you , you know , live your life in a way that's attractive to where you know if you like him no-transcript .
Speaker 2I think the majority we're talking about the majority here , because I am looking for a man . I want a man who is like , like , in my opinion , like , okay , you are going to lead me . I want a man , not that I need to be led , but you're going to , you know , like , be a man , the priest of my household and be a king because . I'm the queen .
Speaker 2Like I want somebody who takes charge and takes control and will handle their business and knows what he wants . And so I want to be pursued . I wanted to be pursued Like okay , I see you , you know , I see you , I know , you see me , but if are you going to do anything about it ? I did not like that as a single person , even unsaved , I didn't like it . There were a lot of people who would be in , you know , like just if we would go out or whatever , and you'd have a bunch of people who were attractive you know , sports players , things like that and they had like five girls coming up to them , all the women were throwing themselves at them and I would be like I am not the one . You could look at me all day long , but I'm not about to look like thirsty and that's why I liked you .
Speaker 1And that's my point , because if you were thirsty and pressed , I would have put you in a category with all of you , because I didn't like that . That's not wifey material Now in the streets or secularly . We would say that that's like booty call material .
Speaker 2You know what I'm saying .
Speaker 1But that's not what you want to be . Yes , you can attract a boy , but can you attract a man ? And that's the difference and I think sometimes like a man is like . So what you just described to me is what you like about me is more of my leadership ability , my covering , my stance .
Speaker 2I want you to be confident . I don't want you sending your best friend over to say hi to me and get my number . I want you to be confident , Walk up to me and be like hi , my name is Ken , Just like you did . What's your name ? I saw you at like yes , that's what I wanted .
Speaker 1So the concern is if you take matters into your own hands you might get a man , but the man might be a boy .
Speaker 2Right . And so , if you , kind of and I ain't got time for that .
Speaker 1I'm just trying to help . We can't adapt with your friends . Oh man , oh Jesus . Number two don't look for somebody to complete you .
Speaker 2And .
Speaker 1I think there are people that are saying well , I'm looking for my better half . If you need a half of somebody , you're not ready to get married or start dating . You want to date two hoes . You want to marry two hoes . Can you speak to that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I think you know we all hear that , and I think that it's a posture and a position to be like I am whole , I am enough , I am worthy , and I believe that you attract what you put out . You know what I mean . And so when you attract that , I mean when you put out that confidence that I know who I am , well then there , you know that guy who's looking around , your husband , your wife you know I'm speaking to the ladies right now , but when you put that out , that's what you attract .
Speaker 1Right , so good , so good . Here's the third one . Don't give too much of yourself too fast . And on this one I'm not thinking just sexually , I'm thinking emotionally , you know , mentally . Don't give yourself out too fast . What I mean is that sometimes people fall head over heels in love with a person and the person they like you .
Speaker 1All right , you know what I'm saying . You like oh my God , this is the third date . You already saying you love me , yeah . So I'm not saying play hard to get , but I'm just saying play it wise . Like you know , there's a there's a rhythm with the thing . So for our relationship we liked each other at equal paces . That's why we worked so well . I've been in relationships before you and it was like I felt like I was trying to get and trying to get , and trying to get , and trying to get with her , and trying to get with her and trying to get with her , and I'm sure you've been in some relationships like that . Those relationships suck . It's like you're always trying to win that person's heart , win their affection , trying to buy them some flowers , try to meet them outside of work , and they just keep caring .
Speaker 2You're trying to make them like you . Yeah , you don't want somebody .
Speaker 1They just don't , they don't like you . You know what I'm saying . They don't like you like that Can we just talk about something just real quick . If you've been dating somebody like 10 years , and they haven't proposed to you yet .
Speaker 1I mean , that's been living together and doing all kinds of things 10 , 15 years . I had somebody come up to us at a conference and it was at a marriage conference and I thought they were married . And then I started talking to them . It's all , we've been together 10 years . I said how long have you been married ? Oh , we're not married yet . And I said , okay , something wrong no-transcript . And this is the thing that I would say is that you owe it to yourself to love yourself enough to . If somebody is not willing to commit to you to love you for the rest of your life , put yourself in a position where that right person that will commit to you can find you .
Speaker 1And as long as that other person is in the seat . They are blocking where the person that will really love you should be . God is so stronger than what I thought .
Speaker 2You know , what I see a lot in ministry as well , are people who are with someone especially women with men and they're just best friends with this guy . Like , oh , we're friends , we're friends . And the guy says this is my friend , this is my friend , but he's got three and four and five other friends . But you guys go to the movie together , you go to Starbucks together , you hang out and do ministry together , but you're just friends . But really the woman is just hoping , like , oh , I know that he likes me , I'm just going to be there for him , I'm going to do all . You're acting like a girlfriend , but he doesn't like you like that , because if he liked , you , you would know it If he likes you .
Speaker 2You don't have to wonder like oh I wonder if he likes me . No , you will know it , he will let you know , Give me some horns on that real quick so I say that because and I've said this to several women in ministry I'm like how long y'all been friends and he hasn't asked you out on a date . Okay , he does not like you . They've had conversations like oh , we talked about , well , what if we were together ?
Speaker 2No he does not like you . Okay , not like that , and that doesn't mean anything about you . What it means is that I'm saying that because you have to just like let him go . Go find some other friends , go find a girlfriend , because people think you're together . You out with him at Starbucks , but the other guy who you could be with , who is looking for a wife , sees you with him talking you know , what I mean . It's like let's not waste our time . If you want to be married , don't waste your time being friends .
Speaker 1Let me confirm every word coming out of her mouth . Ok , because , as a man , if you want her , you'll go get her Period , point blank . If , if he wants you , he's going to come get you , he's going to try his , he's going to shoot a shot , he's going to spit his best lines , he's going to do whatever he got to do , and if he ain't man enough to do that , he ain't the man that you need . Okay . But if he won't , you so you don't have to sit around and be like I wonder if he likes me while he's leading you on .
Speaker 1To me that just seems like and I'm not trying to be harsh but you don't want to be a groupie , you don't want to be a groupie just hanging around with the other five people that are hanging around hoping that he or she might start liking you for real when I first met you .
Speaker 2I'm sorry , but you had some groupies .
Speaker 1Don't talk about my groupies .
Speaker 2You had groupies . Now I love them and bless them . It's all good , but I remember coming up to your house and the groupies would be around and they didn't like me because I wasn't one of them . But all you had to do was say the word , and they would have been with you like this .
Speaker 1They were my friends baby .
Speaker 2Like this baby , Like this .
Speaker 1They were my friends , man . Yeah , and you didn't like them a bit I didn't like them at all , but I just like being around them . I mean , I'm better why .
Speaker 2Because they were catering to you .
Speaker 1They were , they'd make food for me . I mean I don't know , but anyway , long time ago , Just saying , just saying . You're dropping dimes on this podcast . You better share this thing around the world . I'm telling you , single people need this stuff . They need this one man , oh man . And so number four is don't play married when you're not . Don't play married when you're not . Don't play married when you're not . That's good , and I think that there's . We're in a day and time where people want to try before they buy it and they're basically we call it back in the day shacking , or they're playing house and um .
Speaker 1You know , they even say , well , we're married , common law . That we ain't talking about the common law here . Have you , do you have a marriage certificate , homie ? Have you stood on the altar and said I do , and if and if you haven't done that , you're not married ? You know , I tried the whole thing years ago where I said , well , baby , god understands , you know , we married in our heart , we'll get married one day .
Speaker 2All that's bananas .
Speaker 1All that's a bunch of bananas , man , and so you don't want to play married , because marriage is such a holy institution that has been given by God and it should be honored , it should be cherished . It should be revered and all of that good stuff .
Speaker 2Yeah , I heard someone say , um , uh , talk about dating . And he said you know it , it dating . He compared dating to practicing divorce . So when you get to a certain area of dating , like and now you're like boyfriend , girlfriend , you're living together .
Speaker 1Especially if there's been sex involved . Yeah , there's sex involved . You're living together , girlfriend . You're living together .
Speaker 2There's sex involved . You're living together , you're playing house , um , but then you break up . You know what I mean . And now you're off to the next situation . You break up and he referred to it as practicing divorce and I was just like , well , that's pretty harsh , but it is really . It feels like I mean , I've been in relationship , a relationship before you , and it felt like it hurt my heart , like it felt like it was bad , it felt like divorce . But we don't get into those situations , you know , if we really do some of these do's and don'ts .
Speaker 1Well , so that means that there are a lot of people out here that are hurting because they've been through many divorces . They haven't been through an official divorce because they haven't been officially married , but there's been soul ties that have been broken , people that have left .
Speaker 2Yeah , people that have left and we pray for healing for you . Yes , absolutely .
Speaker 1Last but not least , don't put yourself in compromising positions . And so sex is for marriage , and sex is a gift that you should give your spouse on the wedding night . But listen , you're going to have a Britney Spears oops , I did it again moment if you don't put the right parameters in your life , and so if you put yourself in compromising position . Let me be straightforward .
Speaker 1Tell us a compromising position , compromising position is 2 am in the morning . You over her house , you over his house and nobody else is around . Compromising position it's going . Oops , I did it again , my bad Lord forgive me . You know what I mean . You got to stop putting yourself in compromising . Compromising position You're in the backseat of a car with somebody that you're dating or like and you are kissing fondly , touching , rubbing , humping , bumping , grinding , talking about you , a virgin compromising position , compromising position , and so we have to be willing to protect the anointing on our life .
Speaker 1Our call to holiness enough to where ? Listen . Set yourself like . I'm not going to tell you what to do . You grown but you got to give yourself a curfew . You know , by 10 PM we probably should be done with this date . I'm not coming over your house unless other people are over your house . If I come over your house , we're going to stay in the living room where other people are . We're not going to go into your bedroom . It to go into your bedroom . It's amazing to me that people's like I can't believe I messed up . I can't believe I cheated , I had adultery . I can't believe I did I had sex with so-and-so . Well , I can believe it . You got showered . You told her to meet you over here at a certain time .
Speaker 2You was in the bed together . I mean , what is this ? Sometimes you accidentally get into position and into places like you're at the movie theater . You're watching a movie innocently and then there's two naked people on the screen and all of a sudden they're doing all kinds of stuff in front of you . What do you do ? That's a compromising situation , yeah you put yourself in .
Speaker 1That's why I watch only PG-13 movies and below because there's no need .
Speaker 2So there's guardrails too .
Speaker 1Naked women is doing nothing to add value to my life other than your naked body . Other naked women is doing nothing to bring me closer to Jesus . I personally think all women are beautiful in some kind of way . I think men are beautiful too . I think , we're all God's creation , and so I got to know my flesh enough to know what's good for me and what's going to be healthy for me , and so that's a compromising position . I do not watch rated R movies for the most part Okay , because it's not going to help .
Speaker 2And I think there's compromising environments like OK , because it's not going to help and I think there's compromising environments . Environments , like you know , at a certain time I think we can go out into , like a restaurant , let's say 11 o'clock at night . We can go into a restaurant and they've got the music banging and now it's kind of turned into a nightclub and it's like it could lead you into a situation where it's like , oh , you know , you might have . I mean , it's just compromising to me .
Speaker 1I just heard the Lord say don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers . Cause that wasn't even . It's a bonus , it wasn't even on my , it's not even here . This is the sixth Don't don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers . And I think that there's somebody . No , I'm telling you , I heard the Lord say don't be unequally yoked because there's somebody who's listening or watching and they are missionary dating . They're saying that this person is not saved but , I'm going to try to win .
Speaker 1Don't do that . Listen , you got to let them get saved , not because they want to get with you , but because they're submitting their heart to Jesus .
Speaker 2Yeah , you can pray for them .
Speaker 1Yeah , you might be able to share a scripture , but you got to back way off and let God do a work on the inside of people , because you don't want to .
Speaker 1And I see , I see this that somebody broke all of these do's and don'ts and they got married to somebody who was a nice person , had a nice job , but they don't believe in God . Yeah , and their marriage suffers . They go to church by themselves . They don't have anybody to pray with them because they rushed this moment . Don't be unequally yoked together with unbelievers . That was good for today . That was good . That was good for today . Hey guys , we're out of time for today . Listen , today was tight , but it was right . Come on , somebody .
Speaker 1We want to hear from you what was your major takeaway today . Use the comments right now . Tell what was your major takeaway today . Use the comments right now . Tell me . What city are you tuning in from ? What nation are you tuning in from ? What did God speak to you from today ? Where have you missed it ? Listen , we don't have a podcast , because we perfect people . We're just doing life together so that we can all grow together . We made a lot of mistakes when we were single . The best thing that we could do from our mistakes when we were single , and also our mistakes as married people , is to pay it forward so that you don't have to make the same mistakes .
Speaker 2That's the best way to learn .
Speaker 1I want to know what did you get out of today ? Write us , email us , write us a review , come on , comment , like , share , do all of that stuff . If you're new to our podcast , hit the subscribe button so you can be the first to get the content . We release a new episode every Thursday at 3 pm . If you're ever in Florida , come worship with us . Man , we have a church called Alive Church and we're in Tampa , gainesville , florida , and also Orlando , florida .
Speaker 1We got a conference that comes up the second week of October . I think it's sold out for this year , but we would love to have you for next year . So if you want a plan of the best time to come to Orlando , come to Alive Conference and we'll have some more information forthcoming about that as well . If you want help in your marriage , we've got a couple of tools that can help you . Jump over to our website or in the show notes . We have a Better Marriage Devo also Better Marriage Bootcamp that if you can make an investment in your marriage , it doesn't matter how bad your relationship is . We believe better is possible for you , because when you get better , the marriage will get better . We love you , guys .