Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . All right , what's up everybody ? Hey ?
Speaker 1everyone we are pumped to have you guys joining us for another episode of Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We're so pumped that you found us . We know that it's not by accident . We pray all the time . God help people find this podcast around the world that needs it Absolutely , and we would love for you to be a part of our family , man .
Speaker 1Our goal is very simple to help you grow closer to God and also closer to the people that God has put in your life , to the people that God has put in your life . And we've been married for 25 years and that's exciting 25 years . I haven't got a hat to represent it , I know 25 years , quarter of a century . We've made it this far by faith and you know , what I want people to know is that it hasn't been easy .
Speaker 1Any relationship is going to have up and down up and down roller coasters , but we're still together , and so the goal of our podcast is just to share our successes but , more importantly , even our failures , in hopes that people will learn from our mountaintops and our valley experiences to bring some value to their life . And I think it's doing a good job . I think we're doing ?
Speaker 2I think we're doing okay so far . I you know we've been hearing great testimonies and I want to encourage you . You know , if you listen to our podcast and it's blessed your life and you have fruit from it , please write to us Let us know .
Speaker 2It blesses us , but then we're also able to share the testimonies with others , and I mean , other people are encouraged , yes , by our testimony , but then by yours as well . So I think people are really listening and learning from our examples , learning what to do and what not to do , and then just hearing from God for their specific situations as well , and so I'm so happy to be doing this and I'm so happy to have our family out there .
Speaker 1If you're new to our podcast , hit the subscribe button . If you're watching YouTube , hit the icon button so you can be the first to grab the content when it's released . We drop a new episode every Thursday at 3 pm . If you are a binge watcher , you can go back . We have over 100 episodes .
Speaker 2I'm a binge watcher .
Speaker 1I mean parenting , finance , sex intimacy , singleness , married stuff , spiritual stuff .
Speaker 1I think that you would really enjoy going back and listening to some old stuff . But all right , guys . And so today we want to help those of you guys who are married , you're in a relationship , and we want to help you avoid some of the mistakes that we've made . We are not perfect , by any stretch of the imagination . Over the last 25 years We've had ups and downs , we've made a ton of mistakes , but we've also learned through those and we kind of want to pay it forward today . So we want to give you common relationship mistakes and how to avoid them . All right . So number one is this they let the wrong people speak into the relationship .
Speaker 1Can you talk about that one .
Speaker 2Yeah , absolutely . I think you know there's obviously wrong people who are people who are unmarried . You know , like you know your friends or your coworkers or whatever . Well , if my husband said that to me , I would say this or do that , but you're not married and you don't know , and you know . So I think that's obvious . But then there's people , I think maybe who were your , your sister or your mother or your brother or your father or your friends . You know your best friends who you get into your marriage . I don't know , and you continue to allow them to . You go to them for the same advice .
Speaker 2I think sometimes we outgrow . You know their wisdom and their understanding . So you know they might have at one point been iron , sharpens iron , but if you got married , like we got married and we got into the things of God , but not only did we grow spiritually and in our relationship with God , we grew financially , we grew emotionally , we grew professionally and we started here , but we ended up here . And so if we are here at this point now , we have a little difficulty in our marriage or we need some advice or whatever , and we're going down here to our mom and our dad and our friends and all these people that haven't , you know , grew with you .
Speaker 2I think that's where we come into problems , because you go to the same people that you're getting the same results , which is not , you know , it's not fruitful . Does that make sense ? And so a lot of times I will share with people like , okay , get , find someone else to go to , don't cut off your relationship . You don't have to cut your relationships , but find a mentor , find a couple who are where you want to be and like kind of like see if they can mentor you , see if you can go to them for advice .
Speaker 1Yeah , I call it the mentorship dream team , and I think that every person needs to get a mentorship dream team when you that means you get three to five people that have , uh , through faith and patience , have inherited the promises , they have faithfulness and fruitfulness in their life and they have enough fruitfulness to be able to speak into you and you see something in them where you will make yourself self accountable to them and um allow them to kind of come in and help your marriage be what God wants to be . And so for me , like before I was a pastor , I had my lead pastor , I had another leader in the church and they were all leaders in the church that I was at . I'm not a big believer as a part of a local church that I'm going to get people that this person is not even in church . This person doesn't even know Jesus . This person is in a denomination that disagrees with the church that I'm in . I don't need a bunch of different voices and streams .
Speaker 1I feel like God set me in a place and so I was able to take the pastors of that place , the mentors of that place , and kind of build myself a leadership dream team . So for me , even now , I have my pastor , I have another pastor mentor , I have two other overseers , so I got four people and I'm looking to add a fifth , and these are people that I can go to , but it's not like they are all in these different places in life . No , they're all pretty much . I see their fruit . They're all older than me , they're all you know . So I think that every believer needs that , especially when it comes to relationship guidance .
Speaker 1So , number two would be this they bring too much of their past relationship problems into their current relationships , and I think that this is a common mistake , because many times we went through something that was hurtful and painful in a past relationship and now we're we're we . We didn't get healed from the trauma , we didn't get healed from the abuse or the hurt or the neglect , but now we're projecting that onto the person that we're in a new relationship with and we'll actually destroy that relationship because our lenses need cleansing . Oh yeah .
Speaker 2Um , I think that's part of that self-work that we have to do , hopefully , before we get married , but that's not always perfect . You know , we were married and I had to get all the junk out of my trunk and kind of overcome a lot of things from my past , but yeah , it's really easy to . I would call them like triggers , like okay , you know you're married , you've been married for a while , but if he says something or she says this one thing , like you already know , there's some things . Oh , I'm not going to go there because I know that makes them upset . Those are things , in my opinion , that we probably need to address . I don't know if there should be something in the life of a believer that we just don't talk about , that , we just don't handle that , because if you can't address it , that means you're still hurt .
Speaker 1It has a grip on you .
Speaker 2It's a wound .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2It still has either your control of you some type of power over you or it's ? You're still bleeding , right . We need to fix that Definitely . And so Definitely , no-transcript , just domestic violence . In my past I didn't really have good examples of men and so I was in an abusive relationship and so , coming into our relationship , if I had not laid that down , you know , and if I put those qualities on you , oh , I can't say this to him because he's going to hit me , he's going to lie to me , he's going to abuse me in whatever ways . That would really can you imagine our relationship ? It would hinder our relationship . We could not have the closeness and the intimacy that we have . But I was able to lay those things down , to overcome all of those things . But now I have freedom to enjoy my husband the way I should .
Speaker 1And I don't even think that this principle is just for relationships . I see people carrying a lot of church hurt .
Speaker 1They went through this at that church but now they're at a new church , but they're reserved and they're fearful to be hurt again because their windshield is muddy or they're at this new job , but because this happened at the last job , they are treating their supervisors a certain way , and it's not because that's reality , it's just their reality
. I guess the moral of the story is that you have to go through enough maturity and deliverance to get healed from whatever has been in your past , because all of us have a past , but that past could mess up your future if you're not careful .
Speaker 1Here's number three . Third relationship mistake . Common mistake they put their relationship on cruise control as they pursue other endeavors . Huge mistake , yeah , they put their relationship on cruise control as they pursue other endeavors . Huge mistake . They put their relationship , they put their marriage on cruise control . So for me it was . I went through so much to get you I'm talking about . I picked out your favorite flowers , I learned your favorite candy , I learned your favorite food . I would go through elaborate dates and all these things and it's amazing , through time , if you're not careful , you can stop pursuing your spouse as you pursue a better paying job , children so many different things . But there's something about like having a great relationship is that you still have to pursue each other for the rest of your life . Can you speak to that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I think we have to look at it as like maintenance . You know , like we , or like family , first , like it it . If my family is , and if you've been married for a while , you you know this is true Like if your spouse is not okay , you're not okay .
Speaker 2Like everything , your job is messed up , like everything's crazy if everything in the house isn't right . And so if your family comes first , the husband and wife , our relationship , we need to come first , and even with children , if mommy and daddy aren't okay with each other , the kids are not okay . They know it , they feel it , they can tell the difference , they feel the tension , and so I think it's important to put family first , but then also that maintenance , like you know you have to . Yes , my marriage is straight , even as I pursue a career , even as I , you know , have children like that's the foundation by the spirit , fight for your relationship .
Speaker 1I just feel like somebody needs to hear that . Fight for your marriage , fight for your family . You know it's worth the fight , but fight it by faith , Don't fight it in the flesh , All right . And so my next thing would be they expect things to stay like they last left them . So this is a common mistake , and it's very similar to number three . Number four is they expect things to stay like they last left them , and to me , this speaks to maintenance , maintenance . So it's just like your car . You know that you have to take your car in for an oil change . You know that there are certain things you need to do . You got to change those brake pads out .
Speaker 1There's certain things you're going to have to do just because you're driving down the road , same as it is in marriage . There's just certain things you're going to have to do , whether it's a marriage retreat , whether it's some counseling here and there , where there are certain things you're going to have to do . And I think people set their marriage like we're good , but then they think that it's going to remain there and it's always this , what I call the law of diminishing returns . It's like it always goes this way . It would be better if it just it got better , but that's not the way that it works . You're going to set it here and there has to be something where you keep it there . You know it's going to . It's going to do like it's going to you gotta , you gotta keep it , putting attention and priority to it . And then they say man , what happened ? Well , you just it's not going to stay where you left last , last left it Absolutely .
Speaker 2I see like it's like taking care of a garden or taking care of plants . I love plants . You have to water that plant or it's going to die . Oh , you just had a plant die too . I know it was my baby . Anyway , you have to water it , you have to give it sunlight every once in a while If you want it to really flourish . You have to put some vitamins in there , and some nutrients in the soil .
Speaker 2You have to change the pot every once in a while , like I mean , I can't leave the house for a whole week because it needs to be watered , like maybe every three days , and so there's some real intentionality there , and I think that's the same thing with our marriage . But what does that look like ? That looks like having family meetings . That looks like having a date night where we're being friends and going out and enjoying each other . That looks like reading books every once in a while to educate ourselves on marriage and being a husband , a wife , and there's all types of thoughts out there that can really sharpen us . I think that means going to a marriage conference every once in a while , like , okay , let's , you know , let's sharpen this pencil here listen to marriage podcasts together .
Speaker 1yeah right , all right . How about this one ? Um , number five ? And this is a huge mistake . They put other people in front of their spouse , wrong priorities . So they put their parents' needs , they put friends and they even put their kids . The list goes on , but somehow I don't know . For me , I got to keep you number one and I want to be number one to you as well , but somehow people start to put other people as the priority , more so than their spouse , and that's just a huge mistake .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1You think so . I think some people wouldn't think it's a mistake , especially when it comes to kids .
Speaker 2Yeah , but it's a huge mistake . Yeah , it's a huge mistake , I think even is in . Like you know , I'm thinking like financially . Let's say , like you know , my mom has a need , or you know your dad has a need , a sister or a brother , somebody that we love , but I was actually saving up this money for you because I wanted to do something special for you and I know that's what you like . Some people would take that and give it to this person because they , oh , I got it . You know , this is my family , what this is my mom , this is my sister , like what you know , but for me I don't know .
Speaker 2Wow , depending on the situation , Depending upon the situation , I would say probably 99.9% of the time , it wouldn't warrant me to take what I was saving to be a blessing to you and give it over here .
Speaker 2I care about putting you first . I care about knocking your socks off . I care about you living this life . That is just like the most fabulous life , like I think that's my responsibility as your wife . Who else in the world is going to put you first ? Who else in the world ? You know you're grown now . Your mom and dad did that when you were younger but who else is going to put you first and prioritize you above everything ? And so I think that's important because it makes me for number one . I want to be that to you , but I know you treat me like that as well , and it makes me feel valued and special and secure and we understand emergencies happen .
Speaker 1We understand that kids I mean . When a kid need to be fed and they're a baby , they're going to cry until they're fed . We understand that they can't survive unless we take care of their needs . Somehow you still got to stay marriage first , even in those seasons . It might be maybe the first couple months when the baby first comes home . Okay , there's some adjustment period . We get that , we're not crazy .
Speaker 2We got three kids 19 , 15 , and 13 .
Speaker 1Right now , we get that , but what we're saying is that our heart and position is always coming back home . It's always coming back center to where , as my wife , you are my number one priority over any other human being on the planet , and as your husband , I believe I'm yours as well .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1Number six is they miss the spiritual side of love , fidelity and faithfulness . They miss the spiritual side and I think that's a huge mistake for people . They grow in so many endeavors professionally in their career , but they're not growing in their relationship with God , and the best advice that I could ever give anybody is to love God more than you love your spouse . Because if you love God more than you love your spouse , God will help you love your spouse , be faithful to your spouse .
Speaker 1And so we're big on this because we believe that marriage is God's idea . When God brought Eve to Adam it was his idea . So this whole covenant of marriage and relationship we need supernatural help . The agape love of God is not natural . People say I love you , but love on the highest form is not phileo or storge or any of that . It's agape , which is a God kind of love , and that's really what you need to have longevity in marriage . And so we love to say God , we need your help .
Speaker 2What does your ?
Speaker 1word say we need to be more spiritual in our homes .
Speaker 2Absolutely . I think that's so important because as we grow and mature , so when we grow spiritually , we mature spiritually . It's really hard to be in a relationship , it's really hard for a spouse to say to be spiritually mature , with a spouse who isn't spiritually mature , because when you're spiritually mature , you have the fruit of the spirit Patience , love , long-suffering , kindness . You have the fruit of the spirit and when you don't have that , when one of you does and one of you doesn't , it's on like popcorn .
Speaker 1Fighting , shutting down cheating yes , it's difficult All that stuff .
Speaker 2Cheating difficult all that stuff , yeah and so if we both prioritize god , I am not a good person without jesus .
Speaker 1Yeah , and with jesus I'm still under some crazy grace . You know what I'm saying , but I cannot imagine being married without I can't imagine you married with somebody . I can't I ? I would , oh , I already know . I think about that often . I would have messed this up a hundred times . That's funny , like decades ago .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , yeah , yeah . Without Jesus , no way , no how .
Speaker 2Is that because I'm crazy or because you're crazy ?
Speaker 1I'm looking at it because I know me and I know my flesh and I've done , I've disciplined my flesh . I've crucified my flesh and I've built , I've walked by the spirit , and that's not like a hey , I'm all that . No , what I'm saying is that I know where I've come from .
Speaker 1Like I know the old me and the old me would have jacked this up Like I was on the road to doing the first two years of our marriage when it was headed for divorce , and our best friends , I know that dude and that dude would not have it would not have been good , it would not have been good and I just feel like there's a lot of men out here that man , if you really allow Jesus to take first place in your heart and be on the throne of your heart , he would change your thinking and he would change your perspective and he would give you supernatural grace to be able to be the man he's called you to be .
And the crazy thing about that old dude . He would have been fun but he would have been miserable . He'd have been fun but he would have been completely unfulfilled . I remember the first couple of years of our marriage and being unfaithful or uncommitted or being angry and mad . None of it was fun . It was completely unfulfilling . But all you know to do is do what the flesh wants you to do and do what's out there in popular culture , and you will completely destroy your marriage that way . You need the help of the Lord , and so number seven is a big one too .
Speaker 1Here's a common mistake they view sex as a duty more than a pleasure . They view it as a duty more than a pleasure . That brings forth intimacy and also bonding . And you know , for us , sex is big in our marriage . If we don't have sex with consistency , it feels like we're in a partnership . It feels like we're in a partnership . It feels like we . You know we are roommates , but that sex piece is the piece that keeps the relationship close , and we've done so much stuff . I mean , if you guys are newer to our podcast , you can look through sex God's way and all the things that we teach on intimacy , but you really have to invest there and continue to invest there , especially as you age , and you really just got to make that area that you will steward very well . Do you believe that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I do , and actually I was thinking because you said that that not to treat sex as if it's a duty , and I'm thinking well , that's only the woman . I don't know any man .
Speaker 1You know , I mean I'm sure they're out there . No , no , no , no , really , yeah yeah . I know guys who would feel like you know not tonight , or you know , yeah yeah .
Speaker 2Okay , so you're not that guy , but I think I know a lot of women who you know . Yeah , it feels like a chore . It feels like man I cooked , cleaned , I went to work , I took care of the kids and all of this stuff and now , at the end of the day , I got another chore to do .
Speaker 1I was just watching this movie and it was I don't even know where I was watching it at . You know the movie with Tina Fey and the dude from the Office .
Speaker 2Yes , I don't know what is his name and they get into all this trouble .
Speaker 1Yeah , so they're out , they just want to .
Speaker 1They're a married couple and they want to go out for one night on the town , and then they end up at a restaurant and they stole somebody's reservation and then there's a hit man after them because they think that there's somebody different . But anyway , the way that the movie starts off is that she's always with her kids , he's working and they're coming . There's a scene where they're coming to bed together and he looks at her and he's like hey , do you want to fool around tonight ? And so she's like she has her mouthpiece in . She got like a mouth oh wow , she has this .
Speaker 2That means no if her mouthpiece is in no , and this is what he said because you know they've been married for many years .
Speaker 1And so he was like usually when your mouth piece is in , you know , it's like no , so don't worry about it if you don't want to . She was like oh no , but I can if you want to . And she took out her mouthpiece and it was all this slobber came out . And when he saw the slobber he was like , oh no , it's okay , it's okay tonight , we don't have to tonight . And then she's like are you sure ? He was like , yeah , I'm sure . And he begins to put you how sex and marriage can get to if you're not comfortable . Not because they're two bad people , because that's just life . You know what I'm saying . It's just like . You know the sex that's in Hollywood and what we see on media and social media is this hot sex , and I can't even get to the apartment before my clothes just fell off me . And then you know , and it's all this sexy stuff , but like married sex , 10 years , 15 years , 25 years is going to be different than that . It's not based upon lust .
Speaker 1It's going to be based upon this love and commitment but at the same time shouldn't be dull . It shouldn't be like . You know , this whole movie kind of illustrated that . It was like she had a friend that was having sex twice a week and she was like twice a week , almost like she had never heard of such a thing .
Speaker 1Like I'll do it that consistently and I just feel like you know , we , we , we got to make sure that we're still attracted to each other , that we communicate and say what is our sex quotient , what is our sex rhythms going to be ? Are we like a two-time-a-week , three time a week , one time a week , what you know , not based upon anybody else , but what's going to be good for us ? Um , what are the things that I do that you like ? What are the things that I do that you don't like ? What in our relationship could we do more ? What can we do not to let it get stale ? How do we do it ? How can I remain attractive to you when I'm 46 and 56 and 66 ? How can you do that for me ? Because if we put this thing on cruise control , we're going to just be taken out , morph guards , slubbering on whatever .
Speaker 2I will not Trust me . But when you say marriage , sex feels like a duty , I think it becomes a duty when , number one , you don't value it , you don't know the importance of it , and I think so . If you knew , you know you value sex , like for me , I believe , like you know , as a wife , I value intimacy , I value that connection with you . I feel like when we don't have sex for a certain amount of time or , you know , consistently , I feel the difference . I feel like , oh , I'm not really connected with you . You might start to get on my nerves Like ugh , you know , like little things , Like we are just like off rhythm with one another when we are not consistent in our sex life . But when we are , you can do the same thing , say the same things , and I'm just not . I mean whatever . Like you don't get on my nerves . Like you know , everything's great . But I think it's that intimate connection that we get you know as husband and wife . So that intimate connection that we get you know as husband and wife , so number one , I think you value it , and then you don't , you know it doesn't become a duty , and then the other thing is that just kind of making it fun .
You know , for me as a woman , I like to feel pretty , I like to feel fresh . You know , I don't get that all the time . You know I don't have to be perfect for us to do it , because that kills the moment as well . You know , like if I'm in the middle of doing laundry and it's a Saturday and you know we want to go there , well , let's go there . Don't let me be like , oh you know , I have to go fix my hair and take a shower , like , oh , you know , that kills the moment sometimes as well . But I'm just saying that I do like to smell good , look good , whatever , and I think sometimes we don't like that . What you just said . She just got in the bed and he just got in the bed . Nobody put on a candle , nobody put on some music , nobody ran a bubble bath or , like you know , nobody did any of that . I think we should be intentional with it .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's good stuff . It's really really good . Yeah , we'll move on , just because I feel like we could just stay there . Number eight is they blame their spouse for what's wrong in their lives , and I think that's a huge and common mistake . Yeah , it's what I call blame shifting and I think that well , I think we did a whole podcast about blame shifting , but it's so common , it's like you can attack the person that's closest to you .
Speaker 1Why ? Because they're the closest to you . It's easy . You know what I'm saying . You can go to work with people you barely know and think that their stuff don't stink at all and that they're like the greatest thing ever , but you don't live with them . But marriage is like the great magnifier it puts a magnifier glass on all of the person's inconsistencies and you can actually blame them for everything .
Speaker 1The reason I didn't go to school is because of you . I got married to you . The reason that I don't have a better job is because I take care of you so much and I had your children . Or the reason that we lost the house is because of you and you made bad financial decisions and bad investments .
Speaker 1And the reason that I'm depressed is because of you , and I mean you can literally take every bad thing that's ever happened in your life and not like look at yourself and say I have a part to play in it , but you can point it on the person , it's not the kids . Oh , I love kids , I love you . People are so great with their kids and so horrible to where their spouses and it's crazy . It's like one of our greatest pet peeves , like we love our children .
Speaker 1Our children know we love our children , yes , but the way that people have made their children an idol , when their children are going to grow up and have their own family one day and we're going to be looking at each other , we need to make sure that this is right . You know this is tight but I don't want to blame you for the bad things that I you know we need to blame the devil I know .
Speaker 2But you know I have a confession to make . So this morning I blamed you . I was just so irritated with you this morning and you would never know this . You had nothing to do with this .
Speaker 2I never have anything , but my car has a flat tire , there's a nail in it and it took like I don't know a week for the tire to come in right . And so I've been sharing your car , which is annoying to me because your car doesn't have like my car is set up . I have a cup holder , I have everything the way I like it . But when I go in your car there's nothing wrong with your car . But it's your car , it's not mine .
Speaker 2And this morning I tried to get in and like it's smaller than mine , so like I fell down into the seat , I put my cup in the cup holder , the cup holder fell over and was broken and I was so irritated and I said out of my mouth to the kids I was like I can't stand daddy's car . And then immediately I was just kind of like I just felt convicted , like you know . And then I was just like , oh , all right , well , I apologize , I'm frustrated , but I actually love daddy's car , it's a great car . And then I was just like I just I'm sorry , lord , for being frustrated , and I said that out loud to the kids . And then we went into a conversation with the kids about the car and the differences between car and we just had this whole whole conversation . But I was so irritated with you in that moment , I was just like , if you were there I probably would have said something to you and I'm probably upstairs in prayer .
Speaker 1Yeah , you , just , you were innocent .
Speaker 2I'm not even because it's your car and it just made me angry and irritated okay , can we talk about this on the air ?
Speaker 1can we talk about this Now ? I need you to be humble .
Speaker 2Since I confessed yeah .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah yeah . I'm not trying to beat you down while we're here , but I do want to say something that you might take challenging .
Speaker 2I don't even know what you're going to say Okay or can .
Speaker 1can you handle it though ? I just want to get your permission . Okay , is it okay ? I can't say it . Permission granted , all right . Um , you do that a lot . Blame shift you . You get upset at everybody instead of yourself . And , um , you do it with the kids some , you do it with me a lot if anything goes wrong . You don't be like yo , I couldn't . You're like the kids , the , the , the mafia , the , the government , the government , the aliens . I mean , it's always something that people in traffic . They cut me off .
Speaker 2It's like , well , you're kind of close to them , you know what I'm saying , and we're all just sitting there like yeah , but you know , I don't know if you knew that no , I know that I'm very self-aware on that issue what can I do to help you with that ? I've been working on it for years .
Speaker 1This is a problem .
Speaker 2No , I know that about myself , but most of the time I mean you would be .
Speaker 1I think it's your scrappy-do personality . You have like a uh-uh , like if you say something , I can't get a last word . You got to win the fight , you're going to come back . So when it comes to something that's happened , you don't take the humble power like , oh my God , my bad , it's more like uh-uh let me have a bit with Ron .
Speaker 1It's crazy man . It's like what is going on , and all the time I just sit back and be like okay , cool . But you know , since we're talking about it , I just wanted to know if I could help you in that regard . Anyway .
Speaker 2We do have an ongoing disagreement about me having the last word . I disagree with that . But when it comes to the whole blame , my first thing is to blame someone . My first thing is who did that ? Who do I have to fight ?
Speaker 1But it will be simple stuff , like normal stuff that happens in the house . Like the water's been drank . I've filled it up five times . He drank all the water and I'm like , well , you told , you've told me to drink like six gallons of water every day and you told the kids to do that . They're actually doing what you told them to do I know , but you're not refilling .
Speaker 2They take the water and they drink it , and then they put the empty container back in the refrigerator .
Speaker 1I agree , but that's just what kids do .
Speaker 2And I go and there's no water left .
Speaker 1Well , this is my position towards life is like I can't sweat the small stuff , so I never sweat people driving in traffic .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1I'm never like yo . I could be in that lane . That lane's going like one second faster , or why did that person do that ? Like I can't control who's there . So I'm just chilling , like I'm literally on this 30-minute drive and if I get there in 28 minutes like you might do some things and get there in 28 minutes . But I'm like , I'm cool , I'm not even stressing , but your thing is more like it's . It's it's aggressive , it's it's ready .
Speaker 2but I love that about you I'd say it's proficient oh , we'll have a family meeting I don't think we're gonna agree on the driving thing , so we should make a sharp yeah , we'll just go back to blame , we'll just but the blame . Yeah , I it is , but okay . So here's the thing . Seriously , it's being self-aware , I know , like if I stub my toe , I , I you blame .
Speaker 1I am so bad yeah .
Speaker 2No , you're mad at the couch . I'm like move out the way Like I've like seriously , but I understand that about myself . No , but I really will intentionally like . I'm serious and I I'm clumsy , I run into the wall . I'll get upset .
Speaker 1Like yeah .
Speaker 2Looking at it like like .
Speaker 2I'm going to do something to the wall . But , like I said , I know this about myself , but I will . I intentionally ask the Holy Spirit to help me , but I'll intentionally just like , okay , I'm not going to do that . You know what I mean . I'm not going to blame , and because every time I do it , most of the time when I do the blame game , it always is thrown back in my face and I'm proven wrong and I , you know , have to go and swallow my pride and go apologize , like that happens all the time .
Speaker 1How many times do you ?
Speaker 2hear me saying I'm sorry , I thought this oh , you apologize , a whole lot . And so I'll just keep on apologizing , and you know , until I just stop and , like you know , get it right .
Speaker 1Okay , everybody , stretch your hands . This way , we're going to pray in the name of .
Speaker 1Jesus I receive that God will deliver you from blame shifting and you will be able to take responsibility accordingly . Let's move on . Number nine is that they take their spouse for granted , and that's a huge one . They take their spouse for granted . I think it's a common mistake that the longer you're with somebody , you just take their wonderfulness for granted , and it's easy to magnify , so to say , like we just said . It's easy to magnify , so to say , like we just said , their idiosyncrasies and inconsistencies , and I just think it's cool just to always be grateful and thankful .
Speaker 2I don't know when you say take for granted . For me , I think we can take for granted the fact that you know you're always here , the fact that you know you're consistent , the fact that you're a good father , the fact that sometimes we can look at things that you know I don't know what we expect .
Speaker 1Well , that's one of the things I'm working on right now in a big way is to not take anything in my life for granted and to be so thankful for the little things and the amazing things that God has placed in my life .
Speaker 1And just to always lead off with that gratitude . And so I would say start you know , don't take people for granted , but I'll give us number 10 so that I can blow my nose Is that they quit too easy . And it's a common mistake . I think people just we're in a society where it's like if I don't want my marriage , I'll quit it and go get another one . If I don't like this , this , this relationship , I'll quit it and get another one , and then go to another one . And don't like that one , then go to another one , don't like that one . Maybe the problem is you , maybe we should stop quitting on our marriages and relationships and families and start fighting for them , because they're worth the fight . And so I just want to encourage people out there today that , even though it's hard , we've seen God help people , change their perspectives and their hearts towards one another and end up with amazing relationships if you put in the work .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's hard .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2You know we've in this discussion today . I mean , there's humility , yeah , there's apologizing , Not not blaming the other person Really being introspective and like OK , how am I wrong in this situation ? How can I get better in this situation If he doesn't change at all ? What can I do to make things better ?
Speaker 1Well , that's a word , that's a big mistake .
Speaker 1People try to change their spouse into something else or change them into themselves . And what if they don't change ? Can you love them anyway ? God loves you anyway , and so all of these things are huge tools . So I don't know , we're out of time for today . We've enjoyed being with you guys . If this has been a blessing to you , let us know . We want to hear your testimonies , we want to hear your stories . When we are out at the airport , the malls , conferences , people are always like yo , we watch the podcast , and when you let us know how it's bringing value to your life , it makes us want to do more . Take a moment very quickly . Share this episode with a friend .
Speaker 1If you were ever in Florida , come worship with us . We have our church , which is called Alive Church , in Orlando , florida , tampa Florida , also Gainesville , florida . If you say , when should we come ? October , the second week of October is a great time to come . We have an annual conference that we call Alive Conference . People come from around the world to have an encounter with God . For more information about that , you can check out the show notes below . And just know that when you get better , the marriage gets better . So keep getting better . We'll see you next week . Peace .