Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , what's up everybody ? Hey , everyone . Welcome to Doing Life with Ken and .
Speaker 1Tabitha 25 years of marriage , ups and downs all arounds , and we are here to share our good , our bad our wins and our losses with you guys that we love . We are a small group of people , but we are a growing group of people man . We really are , and we're so pumped that you have found us today .
Speaker 2That's right . If you're new to our podcast , we want to say welcome . We're so glad you're here . We've been praying for you to make it here . We believe that God has done some things in our lives and we have some things to share with you that can help you and where you are in your life , and so we pray that you're a blessing , that we are a blessing to you .
Speaker 1If you are new to our podcast audience . Of course , we are a marriage podcast and a relationship podcast first and foremost , but secondarily , we are a personal growth podcast . We want to help you get closer to God and closer to the people that God has placed in your life , and so if you're new here , let us know , drop it in the comments and say , hey , this is the first time I'm tuning in , and you can , of course , if you're on YouTube , hit the subscribe button , hit the icon , so that you can be the first to get the content that is released every Thursday at 3 pm . All right , now , if you're ever in Florida , come worship with us . Man , orlando , tampa , gainesville , florida .
Speaker 1We have a campus that you can come anytime to Florida and come worship with us , and we have so many of you guys who's been tracking along with us , and we just want to give you a couple of shout outs very quickly . You know , one of the things we want to create is a dialogue where you know it's not just us talking to you guys , but we're creating a spiritual community . So please make sure that you leave us a comment , send us an email in email any questions that you have every once in a while I think next week actually we might do some Q andA , but we love just to try to answer questions and have a dialogue with you . But here's a couple of testimonies . Barbara said you are such a breath of fresh air . I'm addicted to watching you . It blesses me so much . Love you guys . Please keep up the good work and stay strong in the Lord .
Speaker 1Barbara , thank you so much for writing in April says I just love you guys . I'm a new follower . Every time I listen to one of your episodes , I feel so uplifted and happy . All right . Thanks for helping those in need of perseverance and confirmation that God is good and that God will never leave you . Man . We appreciate you guys , and so if you have a testimony for us , please email it in . Put it in the comments right now . We Appreciate you guys , and so if you have a testimony for us , please email it in . Put it in the comments right now . We are pumped about today's segments . We feel like we got a good one for you today . Today is called Sex Starts in the Morning .
Speaker 2Yes .
Speaker 1All right .
Speaker 2So this one , I feel like , is going to benefit the wives .
Speaker 1Yeah , why are you feeling that ?
Speaker 2way , I feel like , because this is kind of giving some tips to the husbands and what a wife needs when it comes to intimacy .
Speaker 1Yeah , I think this is really good . You know , every time we do a man segment we try to do a women segment and we do a women one , we try to do a man one .
Speaker 1So a few weeks ago we did one called sex in a sandwich . So , ladies and gentlemen , you got to go back All right and watch sex and a sandwich , yes , okay , and we talked about how a wife can take care of the needs of her husband . Because , man , we're real simple man , I just need sex and a sandwich and I'll be good , easy peasy . Life is good , it's real easy . But today , come on , let's give me some round of applause please Now women we're more complicated , we're not as simple as you men yeah , why is that ?
Speaker 1Can you just ?
Speaker 2be Because I think , you know , the Lord just did something special when he made us .
Speaker 1Specially complex ?
Speaker 2Yes , we're complex , you know . You have to do a little bit more to figure us out .
Speaker 1Sounds tiring to me and that's what a lot of men think . And so we want to close the gap on the difference between men and women . We really do . It is not something for us for women to demonize men for being men and for men to demonize or belittle women for being women . I think it's time for us to say we are all fearfully and wonderfully made and created in the image and likeness of God . Can we celebrate one another's differences ?
Speaker 1And also , can we get to know a little bit about one another's differences ? How am I different than you ?
Speaker 2I think you are . We talked about being simple . I think you're more simple than me . Okay , you know , I think I am more emotional . Okay , and I wouldn't even I mean , I don't know the emotional thing I wouldn't say that I'm more emotional . I think you may be more sensitive than me in a lot of different ways , but we express ourselves in different ways , definitely , I don't know .
Speaker 1You think those are common to most men and women have those generalities , or do you feel like that's just me and you ? I ?
Speaker 2think most men and women have . You know those differences , you know if we were just to put us in two separate groups women tend to be more , especially when it comes to sex . We are more emotional and are driven by our emotions . Not that we're not ever just like hey , I like you , you know , you look good , you know not to say that , but more so we are driven by the emotional aspect of intimacy .
Speaker 1Yeah , I would love to hear from our audience on this one .
Speaker 1I mean , if you guys could just do us a favor , use the comment or DM us or whatever , and just share with us how you're different than your spouse , like I would love to maybe do a segment one day of how to close the gap between his needs and her needs , almost like and I want to do like a poll what is the average need of men and what is the average need of women ? Because we know that some of them are going to match , some of them are going to be different depending upon the relationship , but I feel like we can find some commonalities there and then just figure out how do we close that gap , because I think sometimes you just be like what's wrong ?
Speaker 1with you , you don't see this like I see it and it's like no , I don't Right , but that doesn't mean I'm silly or stupid or an animal . It just means that I don't see it that way and I think , if we can have those conversations , maybe we can love each other better .
Speaker 2Yeah , I mean , there's been all kinds of books written and studies done and you know , counselors , therapists , psychologists will say you know , very clearly , even the Bible gives reference to the needs of a man and a woman . Like a man's number one need is respect , you know , honor . A woman's number one need is love and affection . And so those two right there separate us and make a big difference , makes a big difference .
Speaker 1Okay , well , I want to start off with the love piece . There's a scripture and it says that husbands love your wife as . Christ loved the church and gave himself for it , and I specifically really want to talk to husbands today . Do I got any men out there ? Do I got any husbands out there ? Please share this with your husbands and with the men that are in your life .
Speaker 1Okay , now , this is like my high calling . Okay , my job as a husband is to love you like Christ loved the church and gave himself for it . Okay , that means that Jesus got on the cross and he died so that we could have the church , meaning that I'm supposed to love you in a self-sacrificing way , to where I'm willing to put all of my dreams , goals and ambitions on the altar if it means that your life can be better , and that's what we call agape love . Now , this is what I believe . It's only two born again people that can have access to the agape love of God . Now we can say , hey , I love you , I love you .
Speaker 1And love is in so many different forms . You have eros , sexual love , phileo , which is a brotherly love where you get Philadelphia . You have different kind of love , humane love , but the highest form of love is agape , and when the Bible talks about loving you as Christ loved the church , it's agape . That means unconditional others serving . I don't keep a list , it's 1 Corinthians 13 kind of love . My command in scripture is to figure out how to love you that way , and so when I talk about sex in the morning , what I'm talking about is really me as a man and as a husband , figuring out how you like sex , how you like intimacy , how you feel close to me . What do I have to do to meet your needs ? I think many times men go into sex with what I call selfish for selfish sex , and maybe ladies too . It's okay . Can you meet my needs ? Can you make me climax ? Can you do this ? Can ?
Speaker 1you do I like it like this . But if you flip it and say how can I meet your needs , how can I make sure you're satisfied ? How can I make sure that you're seen and loved ? I think that's where great sex is , and it's all founded in agape .
Speaker 2Absolutely . I like it .
Speaker 1And I think I think that who says that in the ?
Speaker 2middle of a podcast who says that anyway .
Speaker 1I can see it in your eyes , girl , no . Yes .
Speaker 2Anyway , I was going to say that , yeah , I think every wife would want her husband to engage like that , where it feels like you know , the , the both of you are in it and want to be there and you care . I'll just say so , like as as a wife , as the woman I am attracted to or turned on by knowing that you genuinely care for me .
Speaker 2Okay , that you , you know love me , that you genuinely care for me , that you , you know , love me , that you , you know , care about me . The inside of me , like all of me , Okay . And that makes me feel good .
Speaker 1And how can I make you feel that way more ? What are the things that I can do that makes you feel that I do care about the deep inside of you versus not .
Speaker 2What did we name this Sex ?
Speaker 2in the morning Sex starts in the morning , okay , and so I think the idea behind that is that for the woman , it's not just like five minutes before , you know , you know if , if you want to have sex , you come over and then you start sweet talking me , or you know , whatever you do , it starts way before . Then it starts in the morning . It's kind of like a 24-7 kind of thing where you're always making her feel secure , always making her feel safe , always making her feel loved . So in the morning , baby , you look beautiful today , baby , I love you today . In the afternoon , hey , baby , you know , just thinking about you or like those kinds of things , to where the woman feels connected , then it's like you know the door's open .
Speaker 1Okay , so let me read between the lines here . So what it seems like is that as a man , it could be a little bit more physical for me , so meaning that you can touch me and in three minutes I'm good . Like a second 30 seconds , I'm good .
Speaker 2Yeah , I can walk in the room .
Speaker 1I kind of wake up and you look and it's like , yeah , it's good , but for you it's not as physical , even though there's a physical component . It's more emotional and how you feel love , seen , understood , acknowledged , complimented , cared for all day long . So when we say sex starts in the morning , we're not talking about morning sex , even though that seems like a great idea .
Speaker 2That's a wonderful idea .
Speaker 1What we're really talking about is sex starts in the morning , with how I treat you , how I acknowledge you . It's not like at the end of the day let's have a physical encounter when I have not paid the affection bill all day long We've been ignoring each other and we come home from work and it's like , okay , let's just , let's do this .
Speaker 2It's a little bit different . Yeah , I love what you said , like the affection bill . It's the affection . So I don't want to be treated like your mom , your sister , your coworker , just some other woman . I want to be your wife . I want to be adored by you . I want to be treated differently all day , every day . Okay .
Speaker 1Let's break down this emotional piece a little bit , Cause we say that to men it might be more physical , to ladies it might be more emotional . Well , men have emotions . Um so when I talk about a woman's emotions , it's not degrading in any kind of way . It's just a different expression of it . Is there anything that you would like to kind of unfold with that ? When we talk about emotions and you say that you're more emotional or you need to be emotionally satisfied to come over into this intimate encounter , kind of ?
Speaker 2I think it just refers to like different , you know circumstance when it comes to sex .
I think that women can tend to be more emotionally driven when it comes to who we're attracted to and what turns us on tuxedo , like all of that stuff and be smelling good and everything . But if you treated me badly that day , it does nothing for me . Or but if you , you didn't acknowledge me or like whatever , so it's the emotional . Or you can look as crazy as you want to look and just walk through the door and my man came home and that was enough to turn me on and and so that that's what I mean . Does that make sense by being emotionally driven ? So , as a man , let's say you know , I don't know , I feel like it could be a little different , like you don't need not that you want to be intimate with me if I'm some nasty and mean to you and all the time , but I don't think if I didn't say , baby , I love you today , at the end of the day you're like you care that much .
Speaker 1I don't know about that . I think that that might be an overstatement as well is if men don't care about being treated kindly and be treated with respect and being honored .
Speaker 2Yeah , not that , I'm not saying that at all .
Speaker 1Because it just feels like sometimes we get into this man's songs . Oh well , you can just get turned on in a minute . Yeah , maybe so physically , but that don't mean that it's necessarily good , right well ?
Speaker 2this is , and that's not what we're saying , because that you know , I and again , men and women are different and let's celebrate those differences .
Speaker 2I think you know , I think our differences , we talk about them a lot and I think it's amazing , you know , I think it , I think it's funny , we joke about it , things like that . Like you know how we're different , I think that's to be celebrated . But it's really what we're talking about here is understanding sex , the what turns a woman on , what turns a man on . And for the man particularly , we're talking about how to turn her on , how to get her in the mood , how to get her to engage in intimacy , and so when I talk about the woman being more emotional and the men being more physical , I'm only referring in that sense . So if I were talking to a man , I would say , oh , you want to . Or if I were talking to a wife and I would say , oh , you want to , your husband doesn't want to be with you for whatever . Well , just lay in the bed naked , let him come home , and you know that'll make him you know he's not going to turn you down .
Speaker 2You know for most like we're not taking talking extreme . You know circumstance . So I would say , look , just lay in the bed naked . That's not to say because I know how you're wired . I know you know like I'm going to use that to my advantage . That's good . But right now we're talking to men and I'm saying just tell her that she's beautiful .
Speaker 1Okay , so give it , give it all to me .
Speaker 2Slow down for a minute , give it all to me .
Speaker 1So if you were to give advice to a woman , or no , give advice to a man about how to turn on his wife or to get her ready for intimacy and sexual encounters together as husband and wife . What would be your advice to the average man ? It would be to do what for her .
Speaker 2I would say probably two things .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 2Number one I we talked about again sex starts in the morning , all day , every day . Letting her know that you love her . Letting her know , find out her love language . You know it , you know . Letting her know that you love her , letting her know that she's beautiful , whether it's giving her gifts , whether it's just spending quality time with her , whatever it is that she , however , the way she receives affection . Make sure you're doing that , okay , okay , okay . Number two I would say , um , make sure that , uh , she feels safe and secure , and that comes in many ways . So , um , that the door is locked , that there's not kids running around the house , that nobody can hear her , the bed's not squeaky . You know all of those things Because you know I can , there's not a , there's nothing for me . If you want to turn me off real quickly , let me hear somebody coming . Or let me think like oh my gosh , the neighbors can hear me . Or , oh my gosh , the bed , like it's over .
Speaker 1Like you know , I'm too much in my head . So anyway , I would . I would say those two things , Okay .
Speaker 2You have anything else ? Probably I would say actually it just left , I'm done , it just left me Okay , all right .
Speaker 1I have some ideas here . All right , I would say , communicate to her .
Speaker 2Okay .
Speaker 1There's a scripture that says dwell with your wife according to knowledge . So that means that we have to take an Intel list of our wives , where we sit down in a family meeting kind of a setting and we just study them for a moment what's your favorite color ? What's your favorite food ? What is your biggest dream ? What turns you off ? What turns ?
Speaker 1you on when it comes to the sex part . You got to ask these really hard questions . What do you like best when I do in our sexual life ? What do you like least of what I do ? What would you like to see me do more If we wanted to create a better sexual atmosphere ? What would you ask me to do On a scale of one to 10 , how do you feel our sex life is ?
Speaker 1right now how do you think that I can improve that ? I think us coming to the place where , as men , we can dwell with her according to knowledge and just take an opportunity to really get to know her and what makes her tick is going to be huge . Number two , I would say practice makes perfect , to be willing to do uncomfortable things until you develop new norms . So let's say that your wife likes let me get something , let's see . Let's say that she likes kisses on the neck .
Speaker 1Okay , and let's say you first start off with kisses on the neck and she's like .
Speaker 1Oh , but not like that , like this . And you're like , oh , okay , and you're trying to kiss her on the neck and you're like , is this it , is this it , you know ? And so , um , I think being willing to do uncomfortable things because practice makes perfect is huge . So when we first got together well , this was my first three years or so I didn't understand the anatomy of a woman and that a woman had a couple different places to reach orgasm , whether it be G-spot or whether it be clitoris . So I sat down with a pastor one time and they said here's the woman's body . You see this right here , had a picture .
Speaker 2They had a diaphragm , a diagram .
Speaker 1They said this is the clitoris you can stimulate right here . It had a picture for us . It had a diagram . It said this is the clitoris . You can stimulate this a few different ways , but if you stimulate this , this is how the majority of women will have climaxes not from a G-spot through penetration , but through clitoris stimulation . That changed the game . But what I had to be willing to do was to go home and you allow me to practice on that until I could figure out where that was and I could touch it right , do it right , do right lubrication . And I think there's a lot of people that don't have good sex life because they're not willing to talk about it and they're not willing to practice it .
Speaker 2I'll let you jump in . Yeah , okay , I think that and I know that that was that was an uncomfortable time for both of us because it's just , you know it's anti the , you know the passionately , you know ripping all of your clothes off and you know . So this was very intentional , us getting to know one another , and I think we just accepted it and embraced it . And I had to be very vocal and own my part and say this is for me too , and say , hey , no , I don't like that , I like it like this . Yes , I like that . No , I don't like that . In the moment , very vocal , and I embraced it , you embraced it .
Speaker 1And the results are great . But it wasn't you being vocal like over me , it was me asking .
Speaker 2Yes , it wasn't you being vocal like over me it was me asking .
Speaker 1Yes , and I think , as a husband , we work together . Yes , okay tell me , do you like this , do you like that , which that can be a turnoff as well . That's why you got to give each other enough space to kind of get through the uncomfortability , because now I think I think I do a pretty good job . Maybe you think , yes , okay , okay , well , tell the world I feel like that was a setup .
Speaker 2No , I'm just saying , I mean I'm just just saying yes , you do all
right , thank you .
Speaker 1Number three would be make her feel beautiful , and I think you hit this a lot . All right , because compliments go a long way , um . So I don't know , I feel like , do you feel like , how do you feel I do on the complimenting part ? You feel like I could do better ?
Speaker 2I do okay you're not a very , but it's okay . I mean you're not a very vocal person like that . Like you know , lovey dovey pour it all over . You're really cool and you're very intentional with your words . If you mean it , if you say it , you mean it and you believe it . So when you tell me I look good , I know that I look good , so what should I do differently ? I don't think you should necessarily do anything differently , just more .
Speaker 1Just more compliments ? Yeah , I don't think you should necessarily do anything differently .
Speaker 2Just more , just more compliments . Yeah , okay , give me an example of what you want me to say , and how many times a day do you want me to say it ? I don't know , but just more .
Speaker 1No , what I'm trying to do is this is an object lesson , and this is where men and women are separate . You say more . That means something different to me than what it means to you . So when I ask you a straightforward question , it's not for me to get robotic in our relationship , but I'm trying to figure out . What do you mean by more .
Speaker 2I thought I was doing a great job oh really , yeah , so like I have red lipstick on do you like ? It . It's nice , you sure ? Yeah , I've been wearing it for a couple weeks now , but I was wondering if you really like . So I was like , hmm , I don't know if he likes this or not , but I'm going to keep going with it because I like it .
Speaker 1Why didn't you just ask me hey , do you like my lipstick ?
Speaker 2If it's been three , a couple of weeks , it's not that big of a deal , but it is something . So you would want me just to acknowledge .
Speaker 1Yeah Well , I feel like you change stuff so much . You change the color of your hair .
Speaker 2Women do . That's what he wants you to know it and tell us that it's fabulous .
Speaker 1So every time you change something you want me to acknowledge .
Speaker 2I want you to be like oh , that's nice , because if I came in , if I had red lipstick in , and I came in and Daniella was sitting there , daniella said , oh , pastor Tab , I like your red lipstick . And I'd be like , oh , thank you , I just put it on , new today , thank you .
Speaker 1Don't bring Daniella in today . It's random people on the podcast Like well , yeah , I actually really like your lipstick . Oh , thank you , yeah , I was thinking about it the other day . I thought it was sexy . Oh , thank you , you're welcome . That's good to know Okay , so all right . So now as a husband . I got to take notes You're taking notes , so anything that's new or changing , you want me to acknowledge it .
Speaker 2That's huge man . I didn't know that . Okay , I need more , though . What else I don't ?
Speaker 1know , I mean uh , yeah , I don't . I would just say things like that . So when I , when you , when I say cause . I know that you don't feel like I compliment you as much as maybe you would like . Is there anything else ? Is it just so ? You're talking about shoes , clothes , dress , stuff like that Cause . I'm'm always like thank you for the food . I'm always like I think that I'm always like it , but is there ?
Speaker 2anything else comes to mind . No , just like you know , probably I don't have another specific to tell you .
Speaker 1No , okay , well , if you think I want to , let me know yeah but I think what I'm , what I'm exemplifying , is that this is what husbands and wives have to do . You have to sit down because I'm not in your head and you're not in my head . I think I'm doing a great job . You might think I'm doing a horrible job . I need you to express that to me .
Speaker 2Well , and also because I mean we know this about each other because we've had these conversations before . But I am extremely like touchy feely and I didn't know that about myself until a couple of years ago . I thought I was more like I don't know . But come to find out , you know , through raising kids and things like that . I gave our kids so many kisses when they were little and so many hugs when they were little . I mean , not even now we talk about I love you , I love you , I love you . We say I love you a hundred times .
Speaker 1We probably say I love you , back and forth between us and our kids say I love you , back and forth between us and our kids like 50 times a day , 10 times a day . Come on , I love you , love you , see you , I love you , love you , I mean , but it's just a .
Speaker 2You know , I want to give her right now . I have to tackle our teenagers , to give them hugs . Okay , I have to tackle them down not Kenny .
Speaker 2okay , like yesterday or no , it was Monday because we traveled through the weekend . I got back and I was like Kenny , you didn't give me a hug , you didn't text me to do anything . And I said give me a hug . So he was in the car seat , in the passenger seat , and I had to reach over and pull him in and I had to go like this and tell him to give me a kiss . He gave me this little like rinky dink half one lip kiss here on the side of my face . I was outraged and I told him about it .
Speaker 2But anyway , I have to wrestle them down now . They'll come back around Hannah did , but anyway , I didn't know that . I was so like touchy , feely , lovey , dovey and I am , and so what I know about me is that you can tell me you love me a hundred times a day and I'll be like , oh , you can say it 200 times , baby , I like it more .
Speaker 1Now to me . I feel like it loses its value if it's too much .
Speaker 2No .
Speaker 1So just saying I love you , I love you , I love you , you look wonderful . You look wonderful To me , it feels like I would rather make it meaningful than just say it all the time , just to say it .
Speaker 2That's funny .
Speaker 1You don't feel like that at all .
Speaker 2No , that's crazy if you don't mean it , don't say it , don't tell me , don't lie to me .
Speaker 1But if you mean it . You know some brothers are like well , you should know , I love you I know , but that's kind of like what you just said .
Speaker 2You know what I mean no I love you , it's more value if I tell you once a year that I love you on your birthday , because then you know , you know you don't hear it all year round well , it's the same principle Okay , so here's
number four .
Speaker 1I was thinking learn her body and what makes her climax . Don't just go into sex , and I think we talked about selfish sex a little bit , and we kind of already hit this one a little bit , but I think it's very important . And so I would always say this , because I know that there are some who they're having physical challenges , whether it be testosterone or whether it be vaginal dryness . When it comes to physical challenges , go to the doctor . Yes , do everything you can do in the natural .
Speaker 2They have testosterone pills . You're not the only one Shots . A lot of people have problems .
Speaker 1Bullet stuff . I mean , yeah , you're not the only one . And so we got to kind of demystify it a little bit and say , okay , I might need natural help , okay , and I think that's okay . But I think to say I got this problem and I'm not going to go get help and I'm not going to try to change my diet or work out , I think that that's where it's challenging , right ? I think , husband and wives , we owe it to our spouse to try to steward our bodies as we get older in a way where we are our best self .
Speaker 1Now . I don't expect you , at 48 , to be a 28 year old or 22 year old . That's unrealistic . I know that we're going to change .
Speaker 2You're changing hormonally and I'm going to be changing hormonally , but I still want to give you I got hormones right now making me sweat .
Speaker 1Yeah , help us Jesus , but I want to make sure that I am still my best . Yeah , you , you know I don't want to like let myself go to a man . This brother gained 150 pounds . Yeah , I , right now , I'm getting back in the gym . I , you know , I want to make sure that I'm planning right now for who I want to be in my 70s and .
Speaker 1And so the way that I eat , the way that I steward my emotional health , my physical health , all of that kind of thing is also with you in mind , because , yes , we're going to age together and things are going to change , but I don't want to just let myself go and be like , well , I got you , girl , you can't go anywhere , I just think that that's unfortunate .
Speaker 2Yeah , it is is I think it's unfortunate and we do we owe it to ourselves and each other to be the best version of ourselves Mentally , physically , emotionally , spiritually , all of that . So we should try our best .
Speaker 1And so number five would be love her all day long . You know sex starts in the morning , and so we thought about entitling this we'll work for sex . Because we were having a conversation with our team and we were talking about what would turn on a woman , and it seemed like most of the women who were in that meeting was like you would be turned on if he washed dishes or if he vacuumed .
Speaker 2See , I was going to add that on if you didn't say that .
Speaker 1Yeah , go ahead .
Speaker 2We'll work for sex .
Speaker 1Yeah , and so I thought about that would be like a cool title or we should get T-shirts for men . Who would wear the T-shirt ? We'll work for sex .
Speaker 2That would be me . The man would wear it yeah .
Speaker 1So I will work . I will , If that's what turns you on that . You need me to wash the the car , take care of the kids . I will work for sex . We just felt like it wouldn't be a good t-shirt to wear to the mall . No , you seem like a sex trafficker . Yeah , yeah , yeah .
Speaker 2But we said that because and you know , the husbands in the room were kind of amazed by this . You kind of knew a little bit , but it was just like whoa . Yeah , that one of the reasons why you know women will withhold sex or not be in the mood is because she's so bogged down with other responsibilities . Heaven knows if you have kids and younger kids , there's so many things that you could be doing that you're tired . If she works , she's tired . There's so many responsibilities that as a husband , one of the things that you can do to turn a woman on is like wash the dishes . You know , when she comes home , have the house clean so she doesn't have to do it . And it's like OK , baby , you just freed up some time for me because we haven't been having sex , because I got so many other things to do . But hey , you just made some time on my calendar . Let's go upstairs .
Speaker 1You know , like I halfway believe this whole thing is true . I think that this , this comment here , is made up by a bunch of women that just want to say something , to add something to the conversation , because I feel like there's some men who will come in clean and she might not even notice it . That doesn't necessarily translate to sex . Now I think we can come into agreement like oh baby , you're tired , I see you've been exhausted at the end of the day you've been running around with the kids .
Speaker 1Hey , I'll take care of this if we can have husband and wife time yeah , and I think you're you're probably right , but those you know in the context of what we were talking about .
Speaker 2Some people just don't want to do it and they're not going to do it , period , and there's nothing you can do about it . But there are women , me included . Come on , do I ?
Speaker 1have any other women like her ? Yeah , there are women , you're out there .
Speaker 2Yeah , we're out there and it's just like you know , we had like a conversation . The other're , like you know , I seem occupied or , like you know , not in the mood or whatever , and I'm like I apologize because I was just like , babe , you know , I'm sorry , I've just been busy . You know , we had a family meeting and I I freed up time on my schedule so that I can reprioritize and do things , but then I got caught up in the reprioritization of it all and just kind of like lost my mind and wasn't giving you any attention and it was just like , oh , my goodness , so yeah , I , even now , as our kids are all teenagers , get caught up in the moment . And yeah , like , if you come home and you I was supposed to make dinner but you did it already , oh , thank you , baby , thank you for that .
Speaker 1You know there's a reward involved in all of this , so we will work for sex .
Speaker 2Yeah , there's a lot of there's a lot of women who are , who are we didn't know Giving out goods for a woman of God , you might want to tell your man work done .
Speaker 1Hey , if you can take care of some responsibilities , I'll be ready for you at night . You can get some more things done around the house , you know , get some bills paid , get the lawn mowed . I mean things are going to happen , you know , but for me , this conversation that we just had , this is how it
happened . It wasn't a few days , it seemed like it was more like a week , I mean there was some time allotted here and it was like I'm in and out of town , you're in and out of town .
Speaker 1Tons of responsibilities , maybe even the busiest season that I feel like we've ever had Weight responsibility , tons of stuff happening , and so I can't remember exactly , but I feel like I came in one night and it was like 730 . We usually are together .
Speaker 1And you was just , you was knocked out wow and I came out of the shower thinking like I'm taking a shower . When I come in , there's gonna be candles , there's gonna be no jazz playing over here , and you're like I mean you , you out . I mean like no , thinking about it . Lights on , no .
Speaker 1And what made me mad is that you had the bible out and then you had , um , the bible playing and I was like in my mind because I know scripture I'm like doesn't the Bible say that I'm supposed to come first and when you get married you'd be about the things of this world . See , this is why you know . So I'm thinking first Corinthians seven . I'm thinking about you supposed to be taking care of my needs and being in the word , but I'm up here unmet . So I went to bed upset . So what I did is I got up in the morning and you're just going about la , la , la , putting the kids out , and I just say , sweetheart , can we talk for a minute ? And he was like , yeah , and we just sat down , and it wasn't even our family meeting day .
Speaker 1This is what I call a conversation in between family meetings that need to be had , cause I was about to feel like I was about to fester this for a few days . Sweetheart , I'm feeling like you have not been putting a priority on our sex life . And he was like why ? Why do you feel that way ?
Speaker 1Because we haven't had sex and I don't feel like you're thinking about it , I feel like you're taking care of the ministry , taking care of our kids , taking care of you want to write books . You got all this stuff coming on and , at the end of the day , you're not even there at all , and so what it did is that it opened up a great conversation and we went back and forth and you were more like oh , I had no clue . I'm so sorry , and I think that that's so good for women to hear , because you're never offended by me saying hey , babe , I'm kind of being neglected here , and I wasn't offended either by you giving me your side . That okay , baby , I'm just tired , I'm kind of being neglected here , and I wasn't offended either by you giving me your side that .
Speaker 1Okay , baby , I'm just tired , I'm menopausing , I'm just trying to figure this whole thing out . And we were able . But I know after that , meeting the next three days was great .
Speaker 2Oh yeah .
Speaker 1It's on and popping again . So my moral to that story Is that y'all need to sit down .
Speaker 2We got some rain checks Going on after that .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , yeah , I'm tired now , no , I'm just . But we need to sit down and talk .
Speaker 2We need to demystify this stuff and just say this is what life is , this is it .
Speaker 1This is it . I'm going to be tired . You're going to be tired .
Speaker 2You know what ?
Speaker 1I'm saying Right now . My doctor had me on these supplements and I'm taking this garlic and you know when you take garlic pills . My stomach does not process garlic .
Speaker 2No , it processes it in a way , if you eat a garlic piece of bread I just don't do garlic Garlic bread , but it has- me taking garlic for my cholesterol or something and I'm like doc , you got to do something different .
Speaker 1This is messing up my sex life here . I can't do this garlic stuff , but like this is life that's all I'm saying , I'm just saying this , is it ? This is it . It's like okay , you have different changes in your body , I got changes in my body . You got pressure , I got pressure , you got responsibilities , I got responsibilities , but somehow , every single day , we still got to work those things out meet each other's needs , die to self .
Speaker 1And I got to start with sex in the morning , so with sex in the morning . So I cannot make you do anything , but I can do stuff as a husband . Yes , I can do my part . I can figure out your love language . I can compliment you , make you feel secure love on you . Whatever I got to do , but I got to be willing to talk to you to figure out what that is and continue to dwell with you according to knowledge until I figure that out . And then I'm going to start foreplay . Foreplay is not a bad thing . Foreplay is all day thing . Start foreplay . Foreplay is not a bad thing . Foreplay is an all-day thing . Breakfast , lunch , dinner , text . Hey , I'm thinking about you . Maybe a little dirty picture or something I'm sending to you . That stuff can go in the cloud . I don't do that because I'm a pastor . I end up on TMZ or something .
Speaker 1Please don't but what I'm saying is that I really I I send texts to the wrong person .
Speaker 2I'm like , oh my bad , like that would be horrible . Yeah , in closing , anything else that you want a man to know .
Speaker 2I would say that if a woman is turned on and put in the mood whenever she feels good about herself and so the more whatever you can do to give her the confidence to feel good about herself , she has a responsibility to own that herself . You know , like me , I'm going to make sure if I need my nails done , I get my nails done . My hair done . I'm going to make sure I brush my teeth or take a shower . I'm going to take care of myself . That's my part . But whatever you can do to add to my confidence , that's good . It'll work out in your favor .
Speaker 1Oh , that's good , I'm taking notes . I'm taking notes . I got it . I got it . I've learned , I'm growing . I got it . All right .
Speaker 2Well , thank you for that I appreciate it .
Speaker 1Man , I hope this blessed you . If you are a man , we just saved you some drama and we just invested into you . I hope you appreciate the investment . Hey , make sure that you share this with other men that are in your life . We need to see this nation that we have called Doing Life of Ken and Tabitha . We need more men . I know we got some real men of God that are out there who are taking the leads in their home . They're leading spiritually and in prayer , and then bringing their family to the house of God .
Speaker 1But we need to get more men with this kind of information , which is spirit-filled , godly information . So make sure that you share this with other men that are in your life so that we can better take care of the most precious thing that God has given to us which is our wives .
Speaker 1You are my favor from the Lord , sweetheart . And so , hey guys , we're out of time for today . If you enjoyed today , make sure you hit the subscribe button . If you're tuning in on YouTube , hit the icon so you can be the first to get the content as it is released . We would love for you to come be with us here in Orlando or Tampa or Gainesville at Alive . Our website is in the show notes , but we also have a conference every year in October , called a live conference .
Speaker 2A live conference .
Speaker 1There might be a waiting list right now for tickets or they might be for sale . Just go over to our website , check them out . Plan to come this October . I know it's going to be an encounter with God that could transform your life forevermore . Two and a half days can change the next 25 years .
Speaker 1All right , we have a marriage boot camp . We got some marriage devos , we got all kinds of things on our website . Check over there if you want to continue to invest in your relationship and tune in again on next Thursday and we're going to get down and dirty . Maybe that's not a good phrase . We're going to get up and holy we're going to get . Oh , my goodness , it's going to be good . Y'all , love y'all . See you next time , peace .