Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Hey , what's up everybody ? Hey everyone . Welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped to have you . We got a good one for everybody .
Speaker 3We do .
Speaker 1This one is specifically going to be for married people , okay , and so today we are going to talk about sex , we're going to talk about intimacy . We're going to talk about it from a biblical standpoint , but we're going to talk about from a very real standpoint . So if you are single , you might want to just keep passing by . Don't awaken love before it's time . But you know , sometimes I feel different about that .
Speaker 1You know , sometimes it's like we tell singles , hey , let's just wait . And then there are some people they get married and because they've had no information on sex , it is one of the greatest challenges that they have after they get married because they didn't have any information , any impartation , any revelation of sex until they got married and it's like , oh , let's get real good at this topic here . And so there's a part of me that wants singles to hear about sex from a godly , biblical way , so that they can be prepared .
Speaker 3So it's almost like I don't think we're saying anything that's going to awaken or Well , I don't know . I don't know .
Speaker 1I think that there are some that can't handle the topic without getting crazy and for them you got to know who you are and move on . But then there's other people that you're in a relationship . It's headed towards marriage and because that relationship is coming , you need to be informed in this area . So , govern yourself accordingly . We ain't here to police you , we're here just to inform you . Good to be with you today . It's going to be so good , it's going to be so good , you've already started to act up . Let's talk about sex baby .
Speaker 3Oh my goodness .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 3Well , listen , if you're new to the podcast , we want to say welcome , we're so glad that you're here . We always pray for God to send people to our show . That really needed someone who can be impacted by the information and maybe our life experiences that we want to share . So we're so glad that you're here and we pray that it's a blessing to you , tabitha and I .
Speaker 1We've been married for 25 years , y'all , and so we started this podcast simply to be able to pay it forward . We had a marriage that was headed for divorce , and now we're best friends , and so we know about the mountaintop of marriage , but also the valley of marriage , and so our podcast is primarily a relationship marriage podcast , but it's also a personal growth podcast . So , regardless of your relationship status , welcome . We hope that we can be a blessing to you today and also , if you are ever in Florida anywhere , we got campuses come worship with us at Alive Church .
Speaker 1Of course we're in Orlando , tampa Florida , gainesville , florida . If you know of people that live in Florida , tell them to come and check us out . I'm sure that they will be glad that they did . And if you can't get to one of our physical locations , join us online . Every Sunday we have live everything church online , 1030 Eastern Standard Time . We're ready to go .
Speaker 3Absolutely , and we have something great for you . This is a tool to help you grow closer to God . This is a 60-day devotional and , again , it's going to help you grow closer to God . We just put some love into this in hopes that it'll be a blessing to you . If you want to find out more information , go to our website , or you can go to the show notes find out there . Website . Or you can go to the show notes find out there .
Speaker 1This devotional is called Living at a Nine Okay and it's just a 60 day walk with you where we give you scriptures for 60 days to help maximize your morning time with Jesus .
Speaker 1And it's a project of love and we believe it will help you be closer to the Lord . So today's episode is entitled Strengthen your Marriage and , in parentheses , or secondarily , it's going to be the seven day sex challenge , and we're going to get to that in just a moment . We're going to challenge you who are married people to take your sex life to a whole nother level , and you're going to be glad that you tuned in today . All right , and so what do you think about today ? Off the top , are you ready ?
Speaker 3I'm ready for today . I think it's going to be good In which way . I like to talk about this topic of sex , because I just I mean , we've counseled so many people and we talked to so many people who are struggling husbands and wives . They are struggling in their marriage because their sex life is just they don't know what to do with it . There are health issues , there are insecurities , there's trauma and people are really suffering and I just love to shed light on this topic . I feel like it can be a place of shame for a lot of people . A lot of people feel like , oh my gosh , I can't be open with this , so they don't go to counseling , they don't talk to someone , they don't talk to someone , they don't seek out for help because it's such a private issue as well . And I think what we can do and why I like to talk about it is because we kind of just take the lid off , the pot turn on the light there's no darkness here .
Speaker 3There's nothing to hide here . This is something that's natural , this is something that's a gift from God to the believer , to the husband and the wife , and I think that it just breathes life into marriages , and so I'm happy about it .
Speaker 1Yeah , I mean we do segments about sex quite a bit , and it's not to be provocative , it's not for likes or follows or any of that . It's simply to help people . We needed help in our sex life when we were first married and there are so many people that this is an area that they are struggling in . You would never know it . I know of people who've been married for years and haven't had sex very much at all . I know of people that we've ministered to that says we haven't had sex in seven years , we haven't had sex in four years and I , for the love of God that is in me , know that there is an answer to that .
Speaker 1Like there's something that's broken . Maybe it's trauma , maybe it's a physical thing , and for those here's just a little disclaimer If there's been like extreme vaginal dryness or if there's been erectile dysfunction , just go to the doctor . You're not a bad person . You don't have to be feeling bad about that . Listen , people have challenges physically in so many different areas . The healthiest thing you could do is just say this is a struggle for me . Let me go get some testosterone , let me find out what kind of what I can do .
Speaker 3Most of the things that we face are natural body changes that we develop as we grow older , and natural body changes that we develop as we grow older , and there are things that we can do about them . I mean , we know , as women , we have menstrual cycles every 30 days and then if you have children , you're , you know , pre or post pregnancy . I mean all of these things affect your body and your sex , your what is it called your libido . You know your sex drive , all of those things it can affect your hormones . I mean , as you grow older as a woman , menopause , you know all of these things affect your sex life and they're natural .
Speaker 1Yeah , and can I just say this right from the beginning when we start talking about sex , many people already have their conclusions from their past experiences , judgments and pain , and sometimes when we start talking about sex , they're almost discounted , like , oh yeah , y'all can talk about sex and how you guys don't deny each other , but I'm going through menopause . Or listen , we've been through menopause , we've been through cancer , we've been married for 25 years , we've had three kids . We , we understand all of those excuses .
Speaker 1But as a born-again believer , there is a place in god where you can walk . That's higher than that .
Speaker 1It's not free of challenge , it's not free of pain and problems , but there are principles , and whenever you have someone like , we consider ourselves like mentors . We're like a spiritual mom and dad to those who lean into us . We are marriage coaches and mentors , and so whenever you have someone who has a level of fruitfulness , you don't have to be intimidated or make excuses and say , well , that's just not me , or I can never do that . No , I believe that there are certain things principles that are available for anybody to have more fruit in their life , and this is an area that we struggled in , but we are much better in now .
Speaker 1So we kind of want to pay it forward just to be able to help people . But why is this topic hard ? Why is it taboo , especially in church ?
Speaker 3I think that the devil has done a great job of hijacking sex . He is the great perverter . He has taken something that God has created and made holy and he has perverted it and made it worldly . He's made it evil . He's made it . There's all kinds of things that bad experiences that we can relate to sex abuse , pornography , human trafficking , et cetera , et cetera .
Speaker 1I mean go down through the list Abuse , pornography , human trafficking , et cetera , et cetera . I mean go down through the list .
Speaker 3So most people now , I mean you can't watch a commercial , right . You can't turn on TV , I mean whatever , everything is so sexualized , Right . And a lot of times when we hear sex we think of all of these external , outside ungodly influences and we think dirty , yes , okay , ungodly influences and we think dirty , yes , okay , and we think dirty Inappropriate .
Speaker 2Inappropriate Wrong and that's why some we get some responses the way we do because in their mind they think dirty inappropriate wrong and we think holy godly and a gift from Jesus himself .
Speaker 1Yes , yes , no really .
Speaker 3Now and , and I mean even like , when it comes to kids and stuff , like it was oh , don't , don't talk about sex around the kids . Now there is a level of I'm not talking about being inappropriate , but , like you know , growing up for me , I remember the word version like when , whenever I heard the word virgin , people say she's a virgin , he's a virgin . They say virgin . I thought it was a cuss word , I didn't know what it was . I thought it was a bad thing to be a virgin , because people trivialized , like , like , don't , don't say virgin , right , and so I think , even around our children , what we have done is you know what sex ? Oh it's , it's what husbands and wives do , right , it's that simple , but it's not bad , it's not ? Oh , whisper , don't say that okay , yeah , no , yeah , 100 .
Speaker 1So we don't teach our kids um , we teach our kids anatomy like this is a penis . This is a vagina . Um , this is sex between a man and a woman . Is this at a certain age ?
Speaker 3this is my conversation .
Speaker 1Sex is when the penis goes into the vagina and there's an ejaculation at a certain age 12 , 13 , you know at . This is what it is . All right Now listen , you're going to feel this and that as you grow older hormonally , you're going to have an erection .
Speaker 1This is what it is . It's something that God's given you to be able to procreate later on . It is to be saved for a time of marriage and when you save it , you'll be able to give that to your wife . This is the conversation I'm having with my son . You give this to your wife .
Speaker 1Your virginity is not something that's taboo or nasty . I want to just give it away to anybody . It is holy and it is a gift that's be given to your wife . On the night of your holy matrimony . I'm telling my daughters this is a gift that you give to your husband and I think inside of that context , we have to redeem a lot of those things . Like we have to teach our children like to be a virgin is a great thing . Okay , Now , I know , including us . There are many people who are like well , I missed that a long time ago , I didn't have that message . Okay , but you can . If you're single , you can be born again and rededicate your body to the Lord and all things become new , you know . So this is not to say , hey , this is not the guilt trip stuff .
Speaker 1This is say at the highest level now , what we can pass down to the next generation , how we can raise our kids is like that . But secondarily , how can we just have great sex as a Christian married couple ? How can we have like toes , you know , like curling , like scream , like good sex , like holy , like fulfilled sex , not like this is what I got to do , but this is what I get to do sex , how can we have like ? Because right now , like what you said about , I said what's the problem and you said about the devil , right now , our secular culture makes unmarried sex look great . Any movie , tv show that you watch , it's like these people can't . They meet in a bar . They can barely get out of the uber before taking each's clothes off .
Speaker 3They're ripping their clothes off in the hallway .
Speaker 1I mean in the hallway , and they have this encounter , and afterward they're just sitting there and like they want to smoke a cigarette , and the portrayal is that the best sex is fornication . And then the sex that married people have oh , that's my ball and chain . Oh , we barely want to touch each other . Oh , we sleep in separate rooms and separate beds , and the things that we've been programmed with is that ungodly sex is great and godly sex is not .
Speaker 1And it's the exact opposite , and I just feel like we need to portray what's really real Like . Listen me having some one night stand with a chick I'll never see again . That ain't good sex . That is a case for an STD or childhood .
Speaker 3You know what I'm saying ? That's crazy , that
ain't good sex .
Speaker 1Good sex is when we've been together 25 years and I know every nook and cranny of your body , I know what you like , I know how you like it , and it's not based upon this physical part of the sex . It's based upon this love and this intimacy , this love that we have for God and this relationship that we've cherished and we've protected all the days of our lives .
Speaker 1And that's why , years ago I asked my counselor and he's been married 40 plus years . Years ago I said how do you stay attracted to the same woman ? And he says the reason that sex gets better as you age is because now you have more history and since you have more history you can have more intimacy . And the reason that sex gets better the longer you've been married is because how close you guys become . Yes , and I think that's true .
Speaker 3Would you say that's true , it is true , I'm feeling that we're having the best sex ever . You grow together and when you do this , the experience that I would like for my children to have and any person who is and rededicate , you know , your sex life to God , Like no , I'm not going to have sex until I marry my husband or my wife , I want their experience to be , yeah , that they present themselves , you know , to each other as gifts . But I guess this is what I'm trying to say when we first met you know we've been married for 25 years we did have that tear your clothes off before you get to the door kind of passion toward each other , maybe even into newlywed years and things like that . But then it's just like you grow , like you grow past that point . Sometimes you might revisit , you'll get there , but it's that , like you said , that longevity of knowing each other and experiencing life together and like , yeah , memories .
Speaker 1Great sex is built on the agape love of God . It is not built on selfishness , which is let me get what I want . I want you to make me feel good .
Speaker 1It is based upon the agape love of God , and so when God is at the center of your relationship , he'll also be at the center of your sex life , and in that place is where harvesting fruitfulness is , and so when God is at the center of your relationship , he'll also be at the center of your sex life , and in that place is where harvest and fruitfulness is , and so I want to lay some foundation very quickly , if you don't mind . Here's the number one thing Sex is not dirty and it's not bad . Yes , okay .
Speaker 1It has been created by God for us . Okay , so I think we've already talked about why some view sex as dirty and bad . Anything else that you wanted to add on to that of why people view it that way ? How did you view sex before growing up ? Growing up before Jesus ? How did you view sex ?
Speaker 3I thought that sex was . I didn't really have good thoughts about it . I wasn't really that kind of like person that was like very like sexually active because I had had just a history of abuse and things like that . So it was never like really inclined to it , but I did . My belief on sex , if I could just say my moral attitude towards sex , was that it is okay to have sex as long as you're in a committed relationship with someone . So if I had a boyfriend , as long as he was my boyfriend , it was okay for me to have sex with him . As long as I wasn't like just having sex with random people , that was wrong . But if I was in a committed relationship with you , well then yeah , that was okay .
Speaker 1And how did you renew your mind and what did you renew your mind to from that ?
Speaker 3I renewed my mind to the word of God that said that you know to keep your body to basically not— when I learned what sex was , that sex was the consummation to marriage . It was when you become husband and wife that this was the gift from God . I just renewed my mind and it was so good for me because I had been sexually abused in my past . It reintroduced sex to me in a way that was holy and it was a way that I wanted to partake in it . I wanted to participate in it . Because now I said , oh wow , this is a gift , this is from God , this is for me . I'll take that .
Speaker 1Do you feel like you going through sexual abuse in your past hindered your sex life with me ?
Speaker 3Yes , at first it did .
Speaker 1In which way ?
Speaker 3Um , I had to , um , overcome feelings of shame , you know it . It was really weird , um , because it it , it . At one point it was just like , um , I used sex as when you sex was told me that you love me , oh , he loves me because we have sex together , which is a lie , which is , you know , a lot of women fall for that . So I use that like okay if I have sex with him . Well then I know that he loves me , blah , blah , blah . And then the other , the second part of it is so , once we got married , though , I know that you love me because we got married . But now it turned into oh , I don't want to have sex with him because I feel so dirty , I feel so guilty , I feel so unclean that , even though I was married and in this holy kind of committed relationship , I almost didn't deserve the goodness of that .
Speaker 1You know , looking back , why do you think you felt that way ?
Speaker 3Um , it was trauma , it was guilt , it was shame . I felt dirty .
Speaker 1You felt that having sex was dirty was dirty , and do you feel like that now and how did you get out of that ?
Speaker 3No , I don't feel like that anymore and I feel like I , I like I said , I got out because I found out from the word what sex really was . I found out that God created sex that it was for the married woman and man and that was life-giving to me .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah that you know .
That will bring me to point number two of my foundation is sex has three godly purposes , and I don't think people know that . Number one is for procreation , so the command to be fruitful and multiply can't be accomplished without sex . Number two is for intimacy between husband and wife , and this is huge , because if we don't have sex with a consistency , we turn into roommates Absolutely , and so the more that we have sex , the more we have a bond , we have intimacy , and so you become friends and not lovers If you don't have sex you become friends , yeah .
Speaker 1Okay , I mean , we're friends , but you need to be lovers .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , you need to be friends with benefits in a holy way . Sex has three godly purposes . Here's my third one for enjoyment between husband and wife . So it's for procreation , it's for intimacy between us and it's also for enjoyment . And I don't think that some people fully understand the last two , especially in the church world . They think it's just for having babies and I thank God for the mechanics of having babies .
Speaker 1But sex to me is more than just the function that we're doing this to produce another human life . This is something . And so you say , what is the context ?
Speaker 1Songs of Solomon , like if you go back and read Songs of Solomon , and even some of the Proverbs , the scriptures talk about how your breast will satisfy me at all times .
Speaker 1The scriptures talk about how you know , come , let's have our taste of love to the morning and come , taste and see , and how your breasts are like two coconuts and up a palm tree , and I want to climb the palm tree . And it's just all of these , this verbiage that , through the manifold wisdom of God , he allows to be in the scripture to help us understand that sex is not dirty , bad or taboo , it is a gift . And it's not just for procreation , it's also for intimacy and enjoyment , and here's what I think many married people need to know is that the husband should enjoy sex and the wife should enjoy sex . This should not be a one-way street , because , if so , you need to have some real conversations , because I think that there are some women and you can tell me if I'm wrong , but from what I see just through the feedback , please let me know in the comments but it just feels like there are some women that feel like this is what they do for their husbands , their husband's needed , so I give it to them right ?
Speaker 1Oh , baby girl , there's something that you don't know , about sex , because you should be enjoying sex as well . Maybe it's not something that you don't know , or something that your man doesn't know that he needs to do for you , so can you speak to that at all ?
Speaker 3um , yeah , I think that you , you should enjoy it . Every woman should enjoy it as well . You know just as much as the man and I think , um , speaking through experience , you have to be willing to um , explore , you know with your husband what you like and what you don't like . You know this feels good , this doesn't feel good . I don't like that , you know . Try it like this , because if you don't speak up for yourself , I think women in so many aspects of life have , for some reason , we don't speak up for ourselves , whether it's for our health , whether it's on our jobs . We let other people get promoted , but we don't promote ourselves . And even in our marriage , we take care of the kids , we clean the house , we take care of a husband , but we don't take care of ourselves . And this is an area where , just like all the other ones , we have to speak up for ourselves . Baby , that feels really good . I know you're happy and you like that , but I didn't Right . I don't know why . Help me figure this out .
Speaker 1I want to like it too . Well , yeah , that's , and I think that's really good , but I would say can we speak up ? In a context , I feel like the husband should make an avenue whereby the wife can speak up , so that she doesn't have to say like it's now the time , it's now the good time . Should I say it right now ? No , bro , why don't you guys start having family ?
Speaker 1meetings every week or every other week and one of the things on our family meetings we talk about money , we talk about kids calendar and I talk about sex . And when we talk about sex , it's very simple . How am I pleasing you ?
Speaker 1How is it , and that's a wonderful opportunity for her to not feel threatened by saying , hey , you've done this and I don't really like that . Can you do this ? But I think one thing that we have done , especially back in the beginning , so what we did , is that we didn't even know . We didn't even know what an orgasm really was . I mean , we knew what an orgasm was , but I think it was many years that you didn't have an orgasm until we went to some pastors and we had pastors at our church that really were just very well-versed in sex and we went to them humbly and we sat down and we said teach us everything you know . They had been married 20 plus years and they taught us body parts , they taught us where the clitoris was on a woman .
Speaker 1They got out a diagram and say this is how you stimulate the clitoris for your wife to be able to have an orgasm . She got an orgasm in the G spot or the clitoris .
Speaker 3But most women don't have a G spot orgasm .
Speaker 1Most women like almost what 80 , 90% of women will only be able to have a clitoris orgasm . Listen to me .
Speaker 3That was news to wasn't that a good deal for you ? Yeah , that was a good deal for you .
Speaker 1And so that was 20 years ago . But I'm thinking , man . So people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge , hosea 4.6 . So I'm working hard you know what I'm saying Thinking that this is the way that sex should go , not even knowing that God created your body a little bit different than mine . And I really believe , if we take this subject out of the realm of dirty and taboo , we can bring it over into the place where we can really get some answers .
Speaker 1And I'm so thankful for pastors and people that are bold enough to say sex is holy , it's from God . This is how you do it . This is how you do it . Well , let's talk about sexual appetites . Let's talk about sexual rhythms , because , really , when you're eating good at home , you never have to eat out , and I think that you've made it your business to make sure that I eat good at home . I've made it my business to make sure that you eat good at home . I never really walk around , other than the other night . I'm just playing Unsatisfied , and I make sure that you're not unsatisfied . I want to make sure that you enjoy this . I want to make sure that I enjoy this . We understand that this is not just about having sex . This is also about intimacy . And it's funny , man , people don't have a problem talking about intimacy .
Speaker 1I know , I go to churches and they say , hey , bashkin , we want you to talk . Can you talk about intimacy ? What you want me to talk about , sex , well , well , just intimacy . But what they're saying is they want me to talk about sex , but they won't even say sex , Like if it's sex saying sex , my God , you know what I'm saying Like there's a difference between intimacy and sex .
Speaker 3Yeah , Like .
Speaker 1can we say the word Like ? You want me to talk about sex . You want me to talk about frigidness , sexual rhythms , we . You want me to talk about not having a squeaky bed , putting the door on the lock so the kids don't run in seeing what y'all doing . You want me to talk . You want me to talk about sex . You know , don't talk about intimacy so , but intimacy is a very important part of not just sex but our relationship because from intimacy great sex is birthed .
Speaker 1How would you differentiate the definition between intimacy and sex , or would you ?
Speaker 3I mean intimacy is closeness . You know it's that .
Speaker 1you know that affection , intimacy is kind and soft and sweet and loving , you know , gentle , and if a man is , not being intimate .
Speaker 3it's going to have a hard time for his wife having sex Intimacy is very important to me Okay yeah , intimacy is most of the time when we have sex I'm looking for I'm more fulfilled on the intimacy than I am the physical part , just it's emotional . I'm more emotionally involved in all of that and intimacy comes into that . You know , emotional , the intimacy , it's all one for me , and so intimacy is a big deal . So if you're like , oh man , you know you want to have a good time at the end of the day , just be intimate with me .
Speaker 1And it's not at the end of the day , and know my love language .
Speaker 3It's all day long . So for me , I like to be touched . So if I'm just going about my day or whatever , and you just come and put your hand on my shoulder , I stop . It speaks to me , I tune into you . You need to just give me a little massage there while you're at it . Yes , that's awesome . But I'm just saying know her love language husbands , because she's going to respond to intimacy and that intimacy will lead to what you want . Great sex Sex .
Speaker 1Here's the foundation I was laying Sex is not dirty or bad .
Speaker 1Sex has godly purposes . Here's the third point . A great sex life takes intentionality . Yeah , you can grow this area of your life if you want to . This is what we've learned over the years . It's crazy too , because the people who have ears to hear , let them hear , like the clitoris thing . I remember this was probably last year and you , you all , can go back through . Please in the comments , let us know what is the favorite episode that we've done on sex for you . But we did one . I don't know if it was sex God's way . We've done so much different stuff on sex and I had a woman who sent the church . She sent a $200 offering in a letter and wrote it to us and said thank you for teaching me and my husband where the clitoris was . She was 68 years old and her husband was 73 . She was like for all this time I've been going through the motions and I just wanted to sow a seed to let you know that I appreciate you all . I'm almost 70 years old .
Speaker 3That's why we do it . You talked about like spiritual mom and dad . I'm talking about coaches you know , and iron sharpens iron relationships here , like if I I have information to give to you . You know , women in menopause like , oh my goodness , you can get some um vaginal estrogen cream and it will just change everything it's wonderful .
Speaker 1Yes , I haven't . We haven't talked about it , it's been , it's been working it's been good . Yep , oh praise god , tried it out , it's been it's been working .
Speaker 3Yep , oh praise . God Tried it out . It's working well . There are things , so you know . You talk to your gynecologist about it , talk to your doctor about it . Some women can do things , Some women can't do things . Um , but there's something out there that can help you just have a better sex life .
Speaker 1So , in the spirit of intentionality , let's talk about the seven day sex challenge . All right , okay , what is it ? Why is it Talk to me ?
Speaker 3I love it Okay , so it's just , it is what it is . It is A seven day sex challenge . So every day , at least once a day , for seven days in a row , you have sex .
Speaker 1Yes .
Speaker 3It's just what it is , and this is a challenge that we want to encourage married people to start , encourage married people to start , all right and so , like right now , like right now , well , you might not be able to , if you know if you're menstruating and things like that .
Speaker 1Disclaimers is over with . Let's just say what it is . I want you to talk to your spouse and say I just watched a podcast about having a seven day sex challenge . Let's take this challenge together .
Speaker 3If you're a wife , just just just write it on a note and put a bow on it and say this is my gift to you . And then let it say seven days sex challenge .
Speaker 1This is the gift to keep on giving . This is not . This don't cost you no money at all . You ain't got to go into your savings account for this one . You ain't got to go to .
Speaker 3Eddie B's to the steakhouse .
Speaker 1This one is yeah , this is wonderful . Seven days of sex . We've done this . We have , We've done the seven-day sex challenge .
How was it for you ? It was fun yeah , yeah . What did you learn from it ?
Speaker 3I learned a few things from it . I actually didn't know if I would learn anything , but it was fun . Here's the biggest thing I learned . Okay , here's a few things . First , I felt like it was kind of nice to not be concerned about who's going to initiate . You know , like whatever , like you're having something .
Speaker 1We just know , we just know , come on , it's happening so that was one point .
Speaker 3I think another point was there was another point that was just like oh wow , that was , that was easy . Maybe I'll remember it . Um , but one thing . Um , I felt like , as far as you know , being a woman and being menopausal and all of this stuff , or being tired , at the end of the day it just wiped away all the excuses and I found that , even though sometimes I didn't feel like it , like if I didn't feel like it , it didn't matter , I was going to do it anyway . Right , and I did it and I liked it . You know what I mean ? It was just like that's a word .
Speaker 3There was no excuse , and I learned that it it really didn't matter if I feel like it . You know , I just get it together you know , yeah , um , and then like it though .
Speaker 1Yeah , you didn't think you would like it , you had excuses , but then did it and you're like and I said you know you can't like get it together .
Speaker 3I don't mean that like in a bad way , you know what I mean it meant like okay , I know it's coming up tonight , girl , you better get it together . You better get in that shower and , whatever it takes , put some lip gloss on . If you need to put some good smelling load , do what you need to do for you ?
Speaker 1Yeah , I think that it was good the consistency of it , the knowing that it was going to happen , the taking the guesswork out of it the mind preparation that okay , I don't care what's happening in my day it's going down , I'm going to be tired . I know that this is what we're going to do .
Speaker 1I thought it was fun , yeah it was just I got tired , I got tired , I got tired , I did , I did . That's so funny to me . Yeah , about day four or five I was like man , this whoa , we got seven days of this , you know , um , but I went ahead and I pushed through and I'm glad that I did , you know . So I think you enjoyed it more than me .
Speaker 3I did . Yeah , I had fun . I was all seven days . I was bright eyed and ready to go .
Speaker 1But anyway , no , but I thought it was good . It wasn't that it wasn't good , it was very good . You know , but this would be my one warning . I would tell people like when you have a seven day sex challenge , then there's a temptation to be like okay , we did that and I think about sex again for the next two weeks . Don't do that .
Speaker 1Don't do that we did that five years ago your seven-day sex challenge is supposed to awaken something in you , to say we can have more consistent sex . What can that be like ? Every other day , every three days , once a week ? It's a conversation . It's supposed to jumpstart something in you . It's supposed to let you know what you can do if you remove the excuses , what you really could do if you wasn't so tired at the end of the day , to show you what you can do in the future , not to say well , we did that seven days , now I guess we go for the next seven years .
Speaker 3No , that wasn't the point of it , you challenge each other and I think the biggest thing is that we challenged ourselves . Like you know , like I said , I can do this , even if I don't feel like it . Like I saw it coming up and got nervous Like , oh my gosh , ok , let me go , what am I going to do ?
Speaker 1I think there was a vulnerability piece that I heard you mention .
Speaker 3Absolutely I remember that too because it was .
Speaker 3That was the point that I forgot it was . I remember feeling like right in the middle of it is that wow , like we're really doing this . Like in the middle of it , is that wow , like we're really doing this . Like you know , it doesn't matter . Like if you don't feel like it and if I don't feel like it , like even if it's too late , we're going to do this . It just it felt very vulnerable to me . It felt like we're committed to this and we're going to do this , no matter what . I don't know why it was . It was just as different kind of like I said . It showed me like this is important number one and we are able like to do this .
Speaker 1As a team .
Speaker 3Let's get her done , let's get her done . I felt like teamwork . Can I get a round ? Of applause right there .
Speaker 1Let's go . Husbands and wives unite . Oh man . So we got five points here For those of you all who want to take the seven day sex challenge very quickly . What I want you to do is , in your comments , very quickly , just tell us what you think about this , all right . And then I want you to , at the end of your seven days , make sure that you get back to the comments , let us know your experiences , or just email us and let us know . Write us , let us know what you're getting out of this . We want to make sure this is bringing value to you . We want to hear your testimony and story . Here's a few things that you need to know . Number one you got to quit making excuses , all right ? Um , if you're angry , you'll feel better . If you don't feel good , do it anyway , you'll feel better . Number two plan it If you have to when it comes to sex . Plan sex in , say , on Monday , wednesday and Friday . We're going to do this On Friday . We're going to do that .
Speaker 3We've done that before . I remember having , like you know , a six-month-old baby and just putting in my calendar girl on this day . This is what you're going to do .
Speaker 1I think the whole baby thing is funny . I think that there are some who are having babies and they feel like , well , I'm taking care of a baby and they allowed a baby to kind of get hold of their whole life . And yeah , that might be true for the first four weeks , maybe even six weeks , but after that you have to start getting some normalcy on purpose . But number three is this put some boundaries around the children . You know , we don't have children sleeping in our bed , because the bed is the place we make babies , not the place the babies sleep . And I say that just to let you know that , when it comes to children , they can actually be the biggest blockers , so to say , of good sex . That's so funny .
Speaker 3They will suck up all of you . Here's the thing . I hear a lot of people saying oh , we've been married for three years and now we're going to start a family . I mean , they're going to get pregnant . And the truth is , you started the family when you said I do you did .
Speaker 1The husband and wife are the foundation of the family .
Speaker 3That's your family . When you have that baby , they are the addition .
Speaker 1They're going to go out to your family .
Speaker 3You're building on the family that has already been started and so when the baby comes , yes , you do everything for that baby , but you cannot allow the baby to be in a position where they take from the family that's already been established .
Speaker 1It's always in addition to yeah , number four set yourself to please your spouse First and foremost . All sexual encounters between a married husband and wife , christian husband and wife should be . I want to please you and your should be what .
Speaker 3I want to please you .
Speaker 1And at that crossroads great sex is found . So I want to please you . What are you like ? How do you want to , how long do you want to , what you want the temperature to be ? You want to please me , and that's what we call selfless sex . Yes , better than selfish sex . And number five is take the seven day sex challenge , take it , take it , take it , take it , and we want to hear from you of how this went . Okay and so , man , this is about to be the best week of your life . In the name of Jesus , I believe it with all of my heart . I hope you enjoyed today's podcast . If you stuck around with us , we want to hear from you If we're being a blessing to you . Leave us a dope review , email us us , share your testimony with us , answer any questions . We want to know that this podcast is reaching the right people around the world .
Speaker 3Yes , and also our goal is to help you grow closer to god and closer to the people that he's placed in your lives . If you're newer to our podcast and you have questions , or if , if you have questions period , you can reach out to us at our email that's posted in our show notes . We answer those questions every once in a while just so that we can be a help to you and get hold of this book if you can
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