Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Here's a few things that we've learned over 24 years of marriage . When it comes to don't sweat the small stuff . We've learned that life is too short to sweat the small stuff .
Speaker 2Absolutely . You know , I think at the end of our lives you hear stories about people when they're dying and we have goals of like , where we want to be at the end of our life . But you know , I think even now I'm not at the end of my life . When I look back to the past , I remember and cherish the good things . I don't remember how the dishes were dirty or the plant fell over and broke and we had to clean it up , or we got a flat tire . I remember our wedding day .
Speaker 1All of those things have happened within the last 30 years .
Speaker 2I remember our wedding day . I remember Christmases and New Year's Eve . I remember dates that we went on . I remember when our children were born . I remember these important days and I think there are a lot of people that will come to the end of their lives or stand before Jesus , and there will be a lot of people who have gotten divorced over irreconcilable differences when they're not even going to remember why , they're not going to know what it was , but they'll remember their wedding day , but they won't remember the reasons why they got divorced .
Speaker 2And I think , for those of us who are , no condemnation if you have been divorced , but for those of us who are still married , let's not sweat the small stuff . We're not even going to remember it .
Speaker 1We've also learned it's really not that serious . These are just little principles . Sometimes we make things serious and it's really not that serious . We've also learned that nobody wants to live with a Debbie Downer or fault-finding Fabian . We just don't want to . We don't want it . You have anything you want to share about that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm reminded of a scripture that says that it's better to stay on the rooftop than to live in a house with a nagging woman .
Speaker 1And you know , we can wonder why that scripture just says that it's the woman that's nagging .
Speaker 2It's probably . I mean , I think , no doubt a man can nag as well , is that like a woman's gift of the spirit ? Well , it's the , the traditional roles .
Speaker 1Don't get in trouble . I know because people don't make it OK , they don to come at me .
Speaker 2Just ignore him .
Speaker 1It's okay , I got him . I'm just playing , y'all , I'm just playing , don't worry about him . I got him . But I'm saying the Bible does say that . It does , say that it does say about a woman , it don't say that about a man . Why I mean you might .
Speaker 2I wanted to go and dig up all this stuff that it says about a man , but I'm not going to do that , OK because that's , that's not love . Yeah , but what I will say is that the traditional role of a woman being the wife and the mother being the homemaker . It's easy to nag , it's easy to OK . These are the rules of the house . Follow them . Pick up your stuff , pick up your shoes , don't you know ? Get your up your stuff . Pick up your shoes . Get your stuff , get it together . It's just easy .
Speaker 1Please take out the trash dude , I asked you 100 years ago to take out the trash . Please do it . Right right right , I will say this for most men I love to speak to women as daughters . I love to speak to them as daughters and sisters , but your man does not need another mother .
Speaker 2True .
Speaker 1And if you start to treat your husband like you are his mother ? You will start to lose or hurt the relationship . He doesn't need another mother , he needs a wife , he needs a helpmate , he needs a partner , he needs a companion and I know it's vice versa and other things . But I think it's important for women sometimes , because what I'm finding and this is not across the board , but there are many women who've just they just have never really been around a manly man .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1They just haven't had a lot of men in their life , and when the man is just being a man , it's almost like he's being demonized just for who God's made him to be . And so I think your ministry has always been to teach women really how to serve their man and honor their man , and for me , my ministry has always been to teach men how to love their wives Like Christ got on a cross .
Speaker 2That's how I should serve you and honor you and lift you up and at that crossroads is where healthy marriages are found , and I think you know , I think I want to point out the difference between a mother and a wife , because I think some people are mothering their husbands and don't even know it . So a mother will come in and kind of coddle , nourish , nurture in a way that is hovering , that I'm going to keep you safe , I'm going to provide for safe , I'm going to provide for you , I'm going to . This is from a mother to a child . I am an authority over you . I tell you what to do . You respect you know that's a mother . A wife comes beside , a wife comes under and supports the man .
Speaker 2Yeah , a wife holds him up , a wife respects and honors . A wife says what is it that's on the inside of your heart ? Okay , tell me that . Okay , that's what we're gonna set and believe for our family . I'm gonna pray for you . In this way , a wife nurtures , but not as like a mother would nurture . A wife nurtures in a wonderful way that we have the privilege to nurture , and to touch and to . You know all of those things , but that's the difference between , like , a mother and a wife . You know what I mean .
Speaker 1I hear the word incubation and I think that a lot of wives don't know how to incubate . Can you just talk about that for a minute .
Speaker 2Yeah , and so you know , just like in , we incubate a baby . Okay , there's a seed that you have on the inside of you .
Speaker 2You plant that seed on the inside of me and I grow it . I grow it into a full grown , beautiful , live , living baby and I give birth to it and now it's manifested in this world . So God has given us and our family , through you , and sometimes me too , but I'm just talking about the man right now but God has given you dreams on the inside of you and those dreams , when you speak them in seed form , in forms of words to me , I take those dreams , I take those seeds and I take it on the inside of me . I nurture it .
Speaker 1You remind me of it , I pray about it , you push me towards it , I take it before God .
Speaker 2Yes , Until that thing grows and develops , we incubate it . And then we can now I don't think that I'm not here just like you're with me in the labor room pushing that thing out . We can push it out together . It's not just yours , but this is ours together . Your dreams are my dreams , my dreams are your dreams , and so we push this out together , and we have a different part to play in the family dynamic .
Speaker 1And I'm not saying that our dynamic is everybody's dynamic but , I , think the principles remain , that there's just something about the woman that has the ability to incubate .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1And so the woman can actually abort the man's vision , or she can help it , she can incubate it and remind him of it . Baby , you said we was going to be debt free in the next three years . I'm here to support you . Whatever you need , I can start shopping at whatever grocery store . I need to just want to remind you what you said .
Speaker 2I'm here to support you .
Speaker 1She's not tearing him down , she's always building them up . She's not ridiculing him , she's not sweating the small stuff . So it's just amazing , cause when I think of incubation , I think the difference between mothering and wives is a completely different posture . Like you said , it's not a hovering over , it's a coming beside to push you up , because whenever you push me , you push yourself .
Speaker 1And then I turn around and I want to serve you and I'm getting low and I'm pushing you up . And when I push you up , I push myself up . And I want to serve you and I'm getting low and I'm pushing you up , and when I push you up , I push myself up and I just feel like that's healthy marriages are found in the crossroads of all those principles right there . All those principles You're dropping dimes today , girl Tell us more .
Speaker 1Tell us We've also learned over the years . We are to let kindness rule our tongue , and you know that's . You are a super kind person . You're a super nice person and I feel like you do well at that .
Speaker 2Kindness .
Speaker 1Anything on that . When it comes to not sweating the small stuff , let kindness rule your tongue .
Speaker 2I will say that I think a lot of people are not kind men and women because they don't want their kindness to be mistaken for weakness . Okay , and I think you know , I find this out even with our children . Like , I'm very kind to our children , but every once in a while , like this morning , for example , I had to , not that I wasn't kind , yeah , but I had to .
Speaker 1Like yeah , I had to get .
Speaker 2I had to be like okay , first of all , you're talking to your mother , so put some respect on it .
Speaker 2Second of all , I'm not dumb , don't treat me like that . So I had to like kind of I don't know what it's called Use my authority . I had to like kind of step to them a little bit to say you know , okay , whatever , and say , hey , just because I'm nice to you and I give you , you know , I'm your parent , I'm supposed to do that and I love up on you . I'm always kind , I'm always cheering you on . Don't think that I won't take you out . I brought you in this world . I'll take you out . So I think . But I'm reminded of that right now because I think , as husband and wife , sometimes , you know , we can , you know , think well , I'm not going to be kind or I'm not going to be . You know , they just don't want to be mistaken for being weak or don't want to be taken advantage of .
Speaker 2But according to scripture that's not the case , that when you are kind and when you love people , when you turn the other cheek , when you do things like that now you have God on your side . You're not just being kind , but you are working the word .
Speaker 1And when you work the word , it works for you . I don't know . I just feel like if we could just set ourself to be super kind , it would change our marriages . It would just make it better If , instead of getting upset , frustrated , annoyed , angry , whatever you want to call it of small stuff , just be kind .
Speaker 1Just be kind and see what happens . And so , lastly , I think we've also learned that we can all be CEOs . I call it , I'm the CEO , the chief encouragement officer . I'm the CEO at church . That's what I want to be . I'm the CEO in my family . I want to be the chief encouragement officer , and I just feel like it's powerful , when people set themselves to be CEOs , that you can be the chief encouragement officer . And so here's the question that I would like to ask our viewers Would you want to live with you ? That's what I would ask everybody who's watching and listening . Would you want to live with you If we were a fly on the wall of your attitude , posture , disposition at home ? Would you really want to live with you if we were a fly on the wall of your attitude , posture , disposition at home ? Would you Really want to live with you ?
Speaker 2Wow .
Speaker 1And I want to be the kind of person that , if you were watching my life not this on tv podcast life , but home , when no cameras are there and nobody's around I want to exemplify a life that other people would say I want to behave like that as a husband . I want to be like that as a father . Yeah , I want to exemplify a life that other people would say I want to behave like that as a husband . I want to be like that as a father . I want to be those characteristics . They are the characteristics of Jesus and that's how I want to be , and so I'm not perfect at it , but that's what I'm working for those stable , character-driven , principle-driven visionaries that are men of God that lead their house in spiritual things with great vision until it's all done and we're before Jesus .
Speaker 2Amen . I think that's a great perspective . I've said over the years that I've joked and said that I don't just try not to take myself too seriously and to give everyone else the same outs and same grace that I would give myself . And so sometimes we bark at everyone else and we're so annoyed by everyone else in the house , whether spouse or kids , and we forget that's like the man who has a splinter in a log in his eye that points to the splinter in his brothers . So I've never wanted to be that person and I will jokingly say I get on my own nerves sometimes .
Speaker 2Like girl , just shut up . Do you hear yourself Like ? Come on , but it's just , and I've always , you know , tried to live by those principles . But , like you said , I don't think I've ever had that frame , that word , to say what I want to live with myself , and I think that's a goal to reach . Would you want to live with you ?
Speaker 1Yeah , on a scale of one to 10 , 10 being . Oh yeah , I would love that . Yeah , I don't know . What kind of atmosphere do you create ?
Speaker 2in the home .
Speaker 1Yeah , and I don't know . I feel like even if somebody's checking us out and they're like , I admit I'm horrible , I'm frustrated , I'm annoyed that time of the month , so to say you know what ? I'm saying I feel like there are tools , there's tools . Nobody's perfect , you don't have to . You know down on yourself . Just let's learn some new tools to get some new results .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1You know , there's a scripture that comes to me in 1 Corinthians 13 , verse number three , 13 , verse number four through 10 . And this is what we call like the love chapter , and so if you want to do any Devo time , check out first Corinthians , chapter 13 , verse four through 10 . Let's read it in different translations Today we're going to look at the NIV . It says and it defines love .
Speaker 1It says love is patient , Love is kind it doesn't envy , it doesn't boast , it's not proud , it doesn't dishonor others , it's not self-seeking , it's not easily angered , it keeps no records of wrong Love doesn't delight in evil but rejoices with the truth . It always protects , always trusts , always hopes , always perseveres . Love never fails . Whether they be prophecies , they will cease . Whether they be tongues , they will be stilled . Whether there is knowledge , it shall pass away . For we know in part and we prophesy in part . But when completeness comes , what is in part disappears . And so this is kind of . I guess we didn't have to read all the way to verse 10 . I could have just stopped where it says love never fails . But I just feel like if we get this in our heart , it changes the game .
Speaker 1A marriage can go from a two to a six overnight , a six to a nine overnight , if we really understood charity , which is the agape , love of God being translated love in this translation , what sticks out to you from 1 Corinthians 13, ? Because when it comes , don't sweat the small stuff . It's because my love is covering all those small stuff . The small stuff is there . It's in every home , it's in every marriage . It's easy . It's easy to come in and I lead an organization to say , well , I don't like this , I don't like that , I don't like this , I don't like that . I don't want my staff to like oh , here he come .
Speaker 1Here he come , I'm sure he going to point out the negative . Everybody sees the negative , okay . And there's a way that you can unfold those things family meetings . There's a way that you Create an atmosphere of love and encouragement and joy and celebration . And just there's something anointed about the love chapter . Anything sticks out to you on that .
Speaker 2Oh man , there's so much . I will say that the title that we're talking about today is Don't .
Speaker 2Sweat the Small Stuff , meaning don't , don't , do not . And in the definition of love it says love is patient , love is kind . And then it goes into what love is not . Love does not envy , does not boast , is not proud , does not dishonor , is not . So it's like , in order for God to show us what love is , he also had to tell us what love is not . And love is not sweating the small stuff . And so I think sometimes you have to pay attention to what you shouldn't do , so you will know what you should do .
Speaker 1I love it because it actually defines love . Love is patient . Quit needing things to happen overnight with your kids and your spouse .
Speaker 2Slow , slow down give them space .
Speaker 1They're trying their best .
Speaker 2They got a life .
Speaker 1They got their own problems . Love is kind . Like you , are naturally a kinder person . Kindness is always something that I'm developing , but I'm never going to be at your level of kindness .
Speaker 2My voice doesn't even sound as kind as you , my look like .
Speaker 1I look at my eyes . They don't seem like your cheekbones and your smile . Everything about you is kinder than me , but God knows my heart . I want to be kind , I really do .
Speaker 2Here's the thing . But we can all grow in it . The scripture says that let kindness be the law of your tongue . So that means that kindness is a law that I've put on my tongue .
Speaker 2So that means that kindness is a law that I've put on my tongue , so it's like there is . If something comes out of your mouth that is not kind , well , the law is that you don't say it , that you don't you know you don't say it , so it's kind of like it's a law , it's . God helped me to allow kindness to be the law of my tongue .
Speaker 1Yeah , I love it . It's a law , okay . Love doesn't envy . It doesn't boast . Love is not proud . I like that one because it's the opposite of humility . Love doesn't dishonor others , and I think when you belittle people and you are just too petty and you just sweat the small stuff , you actually are just dishonoring them . Love is not self-seeking , that means it's not selfish , and so I think one of the reasons that people sweat the small stuff is because it's about what you like , it's about what's annoying you , it's about what's getting on your nerves . You're not even thinking about the other person . The very fact that you are on your last nerve is getting on my nerves . Don't sweat the small stuff .
Speaker 2It's the last straw . Well , that gets on my nerves too because it's the last straw .
Speaker 1Why is everything the last straw ? Come on , man , love is not easily angered , so to me that means like that doesn't matter . Remember when we said love ignores a lot and love keeps no records of wrong . I don't have all of these records and you did this and you didn't say that , and you didn't pick this up and you didn't do that . So what I'm saying today is could it be that we need to develop the fruit of love ? We need to read real books on love .
Speaker 1We need to ask God to help us pour his love Romans 5 , 5 , into our heart by the Holy Spirit . And when you get filled up with love , you will become blinder to some of the small stuff .
Speaker 2We were blinded by love in the first place . We just need to become blind by love again .
Speaker 1We need to be blind by love again . Let me declare the spirit of first Corinthians over you guys . This is in the message Bible
. Listen to this same passage . Message Bible Love never gives up . Love never cares more for others than for self , or love cares more for others than for self . That's the problem . Love doesn't want what it doesn't have . Love doesn't strut , doesn't have a swelled head , doesn't force itself on others , isn't always me first , doesn't fly off the handle , doesn't keep more score of the sins of others , doesn't revel when others grovel , takes pleasure in the flowering of truth . It puts up with anything . It trusts God , always , always , looks for the best , never looks back , but always keeps going to the end .
Speaker 2Because love never dies .
Speaker 1Woo , we declare that spirit of love over you , amen . And I believe that when it's in your heart and in your home , the , the small stuff that you've been sweating , um , you won't sweat no more . And until next thursday . We got a new one coming for you next thursday . You're gonna want to make sure that you're here for next thursday , because we're going all the way up on that one . All right , hey , we love y'all and we'll see you soon .
Speaker 2Peace .