But we're pumped for today . Today's episode is entitled Saving the Sexless Marriage . Wow , what to do when you're not in the mood ? All right , and I'm gonna give you a few disclaimers today , if you don't mind . If you are not currently married , this might not be the episode for you Now . You can hold on if you want to , but we're going to share with you real marriage stuff , intimacy stuff . You know , sex stuff , and some of you all need this information before you go into marriage . But then others of you all it's not time for you to open up that season yet , so just catch us on next week . Secondly , this is going to be very mature content , and so we believe that sex is holy , sex is pure , sex is godly when it's done inside of the right context . Sex was God's idea between husband and wife for three different reasons . Number one is for procreation , or to multiply and to be fruitful and replenish the earth .
Speaker 1Number two was for enjoyment between husband and wife and also for intimacy between husband and wife and for those things we need to invest into our sex lives with each other and kind of get better , all right . And so , lastly , we're going to do our best to really , today , help people not have a sexless marriage . I don't know , I've been pastoring now for 17 years , going on 20 years in ministry , and I realized that there are many people who are married that are not happy in their sex life , they're not happy in the bedroom , and I realized that there are many people who are married that are not happy in their sex life , they're not happy in the bedroom , and we just want to make Christian married sex great again . And so we're Ken and Tabitha and we're your friends and we're ready to get busy with some barbecue . Baby , are you ready for ?
Speaker 2this Did you just quote . Who is it ? Jazzy Jeff ?
Speaker 1Yes , I did .
Speaker 2All right From the Fresh Prince .
Speaker 1And so , sweetie , I want to hear from you today . I think there is something that God's given you like a download on this . Many times when we do a podcast I kind of create a lot of the content and because I know you so well after this many years of marriage , I can kind of come in and just get out of you what I know the Holy Spirit has put in there , so I can kind of come up with an outline and then ask you questions and just kind of play off what you're saying and just allow the Holy Spirit to be able to minister to people wherever they are . All right , but this time I texted you and I said , hey , was there any podcast that was on your heart ? And this was your selection .
Speaker 1So , ladies , y'all leave me alone , because this was Tabitha's doing , but she is Tabitha , she's your friend and she wants to help somebody today . What was on your heart ?
Speaker 2about this , or why I feel like , when it comes to sex and marriage , that a lot of the wives , a lot of wives are being just getting the short end of the stick .
Speaker 2I think that there's a lot of beliefs out there and misunderstandings that we just embrace and we haven't renewed our mind according to the Word of God when it comes to our lives , our marriages and sex and our bodies .
Speaker 2And so I really feel , like you know , just as a wife , and you know we've been married for almost 25 years now and there are things that I've thought so these are my things that I had to overcome too , like how often I want to have sex , or the thought that men want to have sex more than women . Well , maybe they do , or maybe sex is more enjoyable to men . Well , that's not necessarily true . I've learned that sex is enjoyable for me too , and I find that and have found over the years that a lot of women don't enjoy sex , for whatever reasons , but our marriage , that we can't have great sex lives , that you know well , this is my body and I just don't feel like it and you know I just don't , you know , want to do this right now and it's just like , oh my gosh , but your life can be so much better if you understood this , that your marriage could be so much better . The intimacy between you and your husband could be so much better if you understood the importance of your sex life .
Speaker 1So good , so good . I mean you said so much there . I mean I think that there are some people that might have a medical condition , and that's something else I mean for some of you all . Yes , you're going to need counseling . Okay go get counseling . Some of you all need to go to a doctor , but even those things , if you really study it out , those things are still things that you can overcome .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1Or at least move the needle . So if it's erectile dysfunction , you might need some testosterone shots , bullets , whatever you can take to help you out . Whether it be premature ejaculation , there are techniques that you can use to be able to last longer . Whether it be vaginal dryness , there are things that you can do to be able to last longer . Whether it be vaginal dryness , there are things that you can do to help with that . We use coconut oil and it helps pretty good because that's been an area .
Speaker 1For us lately , after menopause , it's been just a challenge to overcome and work through . So we are not going to be here to minimize anybody's pain , but I feel like people use those things to just have a sucky sex life and just say there's nothing I can do the truth is is that there are some things you can do .
Speaker 2It's a very , very intimate area . It's very personable . You're very vulnerable in this area and so it can be difficult and it's easier just to be like , well , I'm tired of trying . But with anything in life , I think God is able to heal anything . He can heal cancer . He can heal whatever's going on in our sex lives , and there's modern medicine . There are things that we can do , like you said .
Speaker 2But me myself , I was depressed for 12 years of my life . For three of those three or four of those , it was while we were married and our sex life suffered because of it . And I was able to overcome depression and overcome those obstacles in our sex life suffered because of it and I was able to overcome depression and , you know , get you know overcome those obstacles in our sex life . I was sexually abused when I was a child those that became an obstacle to a great sex life in our marriage and I had to go to counseling . I had to overcome those obstacles . It was hard and I cried and it hurt , but I was able to overcome and I'm so glad I did , because our marriage is so much better , because our sex life is better and our intimacy is better . So , yes , there are natural things , there's
physical things , there's emotional things , but I believe that we serve a God in which all things are possible and if you can believe , I believe that it can happen for you .
Speaker 1Yeah , there's absolutely nothing too hard for the Lord . I guess this first part we want to put a fight back in your spirit . Yeah , Because I think so many people are settling for not God's best .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And so you got to come out .
Speaker 2You are more than a conqueror through Christ , who strengthens .
Speaker 1You got to come out fighting and swinging , do whatever you got to do , because we just believe that your best days are still out in front of you . You know , for the average person it's really not erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation and those medical things that I talked about . For many people they tie it . They ain't having good sex because they tie it . They just they don't know what to do with when they're not in the mood .
Speaker 1And we're going to get to that in a little bit what to do when you're not in the mood . You got to stick around for this and hear this revelation , but I think for many people it's not . That stuff isn't functioning . They're giving their best to their job . They're giving their best to their kids . They're giving their best no-transcript . There's just some real things that you have to be very intentional with our sex life . So let's just start there . How is our sex life on a scale of one to 10 currently ? I'm sure this fluctuates , but where are we currently ? Do you feel like ?
Speaker 2I mean , I like to say it's a 10 . I usually don't give 10s to things because there's always room for improvement . So let's say a nine , I mean . But you know , and we just came off of a time where I just went through surgery and I had a week of just like I'm in pain please don't touch me but it was still the pain's over , I took some painkillers and we're back on track again . So I think a nine .
Speaker 1So you would say a nine . Why else would you say that ?
Speaker 2I would say because I don't know , I just make an effort to be . I think at this point in our marriage , even if we do kind of like I don't know , go a few days and maybe we're not intimate or whatever . I think we know each other to the point to like I can be , like hey , meet me in the bedroom at 12 o'clock . You know what I mean . Like it's going down right now , like I think we just know each other enough and are open with each other enough that we can just like , especially like in this time .
Speaker 2A week went by , I'm sore , I had this surgery and I was feeling like just irritated . I felt like you were irritated with me a couple of times and I was irritated with you a couple of times . But I knew in my mind I was like we just really need some intimacy right now . You know what I mean . Like I knew that and so I know that sometimes , when we're getting on each other's nerves and maybe we're just like I don't know just like not in sync with one another , usually I'm going to say like a hundred percent of the time it's because we've gotten off rhythm in our sex life . And as soon as we get back on pace . Hey , you can do whatever you want to do , I don't care , roll your eyes and be rude or whatever , but because we have that intimacy , intimacy , it's just like whatever babe .
Speaker 1Wow , I'm writing that down because I didn't know what you would say . I mean , of course , we didn't talk about this .
Speaker 2You're taking notes .
Speaker 1Well , you said a nine and I didn't think you would rank that high , so I feel good about that .
Speaker 2Why did you think that it wasn't that ?
Speaker 1high . Um , we've been through a lot .
Speaker 2You're very short . You , I've learned like when you you're very short , um span when it comes to like when you're thinking of things . So , like I know , like the last week to you seems like two years . You know what I mean . It was a week , it was seven days , you know what I mean . And you feel like , oh my gosh , a week . This week was terrible .
Speaker 1That is not what I'm thinking about at all . I'm not thinking about that at all Because even when you said that about this week , I don't remember feeling like you was getting on my nerves this week or like like that .
Speaker 2So your face . Your face said that you're projecting what you feel on me and I don't appreciate it . As your wife of 25 years , I know that I got on your nerves .
Speaker 1I don't know about them , but okay . But anyway , what I do want to talk about that the getting on each other's nerves after not having sex . Do you think there's something to that , Meaning that if you don't have intimacy like I think , you can be single ?
Speaker 2right .
Speaker 1And not having sex , and there's an amazing grace that you have , meaning that you're not walking around like on eggshells because you're not in that season , and so his grace is sufficient for that season . But when you're married and you're not having sex , oh man , I want to slap a bear in the face that's crazy . Do you know how frustrating that ?
Speaker 2is . Is that a ?
Speaker 1man thing or a woman thing , like if I'm married and I can't have sex with my wife that is torture .
Speaker 2I think it's both . I think it's more of a man thing with your testosterone and all of that stuff . It's a sexual energy . There's a lot of energy that you have that needs to be released and I think for a husband and a wife there's sexual energy
and it can become sexual tension . That tension is good because it draws us to each other , but it becomes bad when we're not doing anything about it . And you , you have all of this pent up .
Speaker 1You know all of this energy .
Speaker 2I know , throughout the years of being married to you , it's just like , oh my gosh , if it goes too long , I'm like you will not like my husband . We need to go on vacation so you can let all this energy out .
Speaker 1And you tell me what you think about this . I feel like there are women who hear that about men and they almost judge him as an animal or something like oh so you can't go three days , you can't go five days , you can't go two weeks without feeling like you're going to explode . And I almost feel like there are some women , not all but , some women who hear that from the wrong perspective , like he's some kind of animal and men need this and men need that .
Speaker 1No , I think we both need sex and we both need intimacy let's put it like that with each other , the person that we're in covenant with . I think that's part of the glue that holds this whole thing together .
Speaker 2Am I wrong ? No , no , you're right , and you know I've I had that mentality too not necessarily , but it's what I heard , it was what I was came up with it . Like you know , all men are dogs and men . You know they just have to . You know they have to . They want one woman after another woman after another woman , because they have this sex drive .
Speaker 1It's almost like we can't control ourselves . They can't be satisfied and yeah , that's not it Like . This is . This is what we get to celebrate . We get to enjoy each other , Right .
Speaker 2So I think that it's just recognizing and honoring how God made a man .
Speaker 1Okay talk about that .
Speaker 2It's your body , it's your makeup , it's your hormonal , it's your energy , it's all of that stuff . And so , yeah , you do have a sexual energy , you do have an appetite .
Speaker 1But a woman does too .
Speaker 2I was going to say what I really wanted to talk about in this podcast is because I think , as women , we have been either taught to not recognize our own sexuality , not recognize our own sexual appetite , Because for me personally , it was almost like it was okay for a man to have a sexual appetite , but it wasn't okay for the woman .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 2Because we would seem crazy and , like you know , we , you know , like , just , I don't know . But anyway , there is a sexual appetite and sexual energy that a woman has and it's got that that a woman has and it is okay , it is godly . And I think that sometimes we can feel like no , we don't want to do this , I don't feel like it . And he always wants to have sex . My husband always wants this and it's just like okay . But okay , take a second , because have you taken a minute to recognize your own sexuality and your own sexual appetite and your own like ? Okay , god , you gave sex to the married couple . I know it's for our pleasure , it's for us to enjoy . I'm not enjoying this as much as he is . Lord , what is going on with me ?
Speaker 2Show me how I can enjoy this more . I personally want to be whenever you want to have sex , I want to have sex . I never want to tell you no , I don't want to have sex right now , because there are times when I want to have sex and I don't want you to tell me no . I don't want to be like , oh man , I just , you know , and have all of this sexual energy and just got to go read a book or pray or do something with it , you know , and be like , okay , let me go take a shower or whatever . No , I have a husband . I want to go to my husband , whether it's whatever time of the day .
Speaker 2I want him to stop what he's doing not being unreasonable , you know what I'm saying but I want to partake in that type of intimacy with my husband and I think a lot of women are being robbed of this pleasure , robbed of this privilege , you know , to be able to have their own sexual needs , you know , satisfied .
Speaker 1And why do you think that is ?
Speaker 2I don't , I don't . I think honestly for me , I didn't realize that I had sexual needs , I didn't realize that I had this privilege of , you know , of like sexual gratification and all of that . I just think , and also , as women , you know we get burdened down , you know , with life and you got to look at it also . You know as the enemies attack on our marriage and you know who we are .
Speaker 2And like as women . You know , we have a monthly cycle . After a monthly cycle , we go through menopause . All of these things interfere with our emotions , our hormones , and they interfere with our sex life if we let them . Now , what I've learned through years of having a cycle is that I can adjust to these cycles , and now that I'm in menopause I can adjust , you know so , whether that means more lubrication , whether that means I take this vitamin or that vitamin , some women take hormones , you know . Whatever that thing is , I am going to adjust so that I am not robbed of this intimacy in my marriage . I think that a lot of marriages do fail simply because people get you know . You read the divorce documents and it'll say what is the reason for your divorce ? Or irreconcilable differences ? I think probably a hundred percent . I'm just going to go out on a limb and say a hundred percent of irreconcilable differences can be squashed if you had a healthy sex life .
Speaker 1Yeah , out of divorces , which is a 50% right , study show that 50% of that 50% is because of sexual stuff .
Speaker 2Wow
.
Speaker 1Sexual needs are not being met .
Speaker 2Wow .
Speaker 1And there's sexual frustration . So I think what I'm hearing you say is that a lot of this is your faith walk . Yeah , you know I'm 45 , you're 48 right now .
Speaker 2I am . I just turned 40 . I forgot how old I was .
Speaker 1I have noticed I don't know if it's because what we've been through with overcoming cancer and menopause and different things I can notice that if I don't stay on top of my sex life , I can almost come into a rut as well as a man to where it's like well , I'm too tired for that tonight , I'm just gonna SportsCenter .
Speaker 1It's too cold in here . I mean , there's so many excuses that you can come up with . So it's not just a woman thing , it's a can we age well together thing . Yes , can we keep the fire burning thing . Can we grow together in this area ? And it's something that really can take intentionality for both , because I can notice a dip . I'm not going to have a bad sex life . Let me be intentional about this , and I've actually noticed myself being very intentional lately especially . You know , we do all this podcast stuff and we helping everybody else in a sex life , and then you get in your head about stuff like oh my God , like well , have I done this or have I done that ? And so a lot of people don't understand the cost behind doing this is almost like then you're attacked with the very same thing that you're helping other people with . So it makes me go back to school . But I'm happy to hear you say it's at a nine .
Speaker 2Yeah , definitely . But here's what I want to say too about sex is that we can let it go downhill because we don't recognize that it is a necessity . We have to prioritize sex . So a lot of people who are successful , a lot of people , don't take vacations , they don't take a Sabbath because they feel like , oh well , I'm just doing this , it'll be okay , that's not important . But no , you will burn out . You need to take a Sabbath , you need to take vacations , you need to feed back into yourself , and I think that sex in marriage sometimes we will put it to the side like that , oh , that's just the icing on the cake . We don't need to do that . No , you need to be intimate .
Speaker 1Yes , we need to recognize that it's important , yeah , so I think there was some interesting things about your mindset , and I know that you , man , you help so many women around the world , but I think your mindset is crazy . So can you just tell me how do you view sex with me ? How do you view sex with your husband ? Is there a perspective ?
Speaker 2that you have towards it , a view that you have towards it that could help other women . I don't . I'm not sure the question , I'm not sure what you want me to do . I don't know .
Speaker 1Just how do you view sex ? Is it like oh , here we go .
Speaker 2Or like oh , that's nasty .
Speaker 1Or oh , he just wants like , how do you view it ? Like , what's your view of this ?
Speaker 2thing I view it as and I think I've worked over the years to view it like this intentionally , Like this didn't happen by accident .
Speaker 1Okay .
Speaker 2But I view it as something that is like the greatest thing that we get to do together . Okay , like it is I you know , it's like going out for a nice dinner . It's just like I want . This is the greatest thing that we get to do together .
Speaker 1This is the climax , this is it . No pun intended .
Speaker 2In the earth . There's nothing , there's no greater pleasure , you know like physically . You know you can say , oh , but I love my kids and they give me great pleasure . No , I'm talking about physical pleasure , right , there's nothing else in earth that can make us feel this way , no lie , no lie .
Speaker 1There's some days where I'm like man , we could do it or not do it , it's okay you get some sleep but then , when we do it , don't we be in the middle of ? Doing it and be like man , this is a good idea . We don't know who came up with this idea , but this is a good one . I'm glad we didn't go to sleep without this right here , like doesn't it make like your whole world ? Don't we do that all the time ?
Speaker 2It's like what were we waiting for ? What were we waiting ?
Speaker 1for you were going to go to sleep without this right here .
Speaker 2Girl , that's what I'm saying . That's why it's so important . It's just like you forget . It's like the blindfolds are removed . You're like oh this is the man I stood at the altar with 25 years ago .
Speaker 1I can't explain it . It just is what it is . Whoever was thinking about not having sex tonight was an idiot . Put them on the idiot bus .
Speaker 2No , but I view . So that's how I view sex . It's like so important . I view it as that one thing . I can't do that with anyone else in this world and I think that even in you know we are . You know I'm 48 years old now . I'm not 24 years old anymore . I'm not 28 years old . My body looks different . I've had three kids . You look different , but I look at your body and I look at my body . I treasure it . I'm the only one . This is the body that I get to see . This is my work of art . I treasure it , I love it . I consider it a privilege and an honor . It's like I'm always telling myself those things , even like when you get dressed . No , I mean , I just in my mind intentionally .
Speaker 1I'm thinking I love him in that outfit . I might not even say it to you .
Speaker 2But , ladies , I would be like . I love him in that outfit . Check out his art , check out his . He looks so good right now .
Speaker 1That's maturity , because immaturity would be like oh , you're wearing the same thing . Look at , you used to be this , but now you're this size , and that's easy to go negative on people . So , anyway , this is what I want our audience to know . Number one is that you're not alone . Sex rhythms and differences are something that every couple has to work through . Ok , and so some of the most challenging things that we've been through was breast cancer . So you had a double mastectomy .
Speaker 1So your body has changed . Then you had a hysterectomy , so you don't have monthly cycles any longer . That puts you into menopause . So hormonally you're off and all kinds of things . You have hot flashes .
Speaker 1So the challenges that we have in our sex life right now would be like it's freezing cold , it's freezing cold . Have in our sex life right now would be like it's freezing cold , it's freezing cold , the house is cold . The house is cold because you have hot flashes if it's at a certain temperature , but when it's so cold it's almost like man . I'm getting up under these covers and I'm not letting one part of my body outside of these covers . That's just a challenge .
Speaker 1We moved into a new house and over the last year or so and one of our kids rooms is next to our room Um , our other houses our bedroom was like downstairs and the kids were upstairs , and now our new house like you can hear sound throughout the hallway . It's just like if you're out in the hallway like , oh my God , you can hear that out here , and so that's another challenge . And so we have body parts that are changing . We're aging , the house is cold , hot flashes , kids are there . We have more on our plate now than we ever have . So it's easy to come and be like Calgon take me away , I'm doing a hot bubble bath , leave me alone . But even in the midst of all of those things , we still have to find the rhythm that works for us in this season ?
Speaker 2Yeah , Okay , it's too cold . Let's address the . How many times have we adjusted the thermometer , just trying to the thermostat , just trying to get it to be some type of warm in ? The house , you know , let's , you know , turn on some sound , let's turn on some music , so that you know the whole house doesn't hear what's going on up in the bedroom , you know . So we're constantly adjusting , we don't allow those things to just set the tone for our sex life .
Speaker 1Very true , but I think those things are normal and that's what I want to do . I want to normalize it . Number two I would also say a sexless marriage doesn't have to be a forever thing . Most of the time , there are bad habits that you've fallen into . That's a habit If you let it be too cold too long .
Speaker 2That's a bad habit .
Speaker 1If you like . We're looking for a new house right now . We got to go . We need a whole wing that is ours . We will literally move because of sex . We will literally change our address and go buy another house . This is not working out .
Speaker 2If you want your husband to come into agreement to buy a new house , just so we can't have good sex here . Say you need more freedom in your sex life , you need more space . What ?
Speaker 1are you looking for in a house ? Are you looking for a pool ? Are you looking for a gourmet kitchen ? No , I'm looking for a bedroom where sex can be had freely without disturbances . That's the number one thing . Put that on the MLS system . So anyway . Number three I want people to know that God wants us to have great sex lives and that he will actually help us have those because he created sex .
Speaker 1So the Bible has something to say about this . Listen to this . What do you get out of this ? First , Corinthians 7 , 1 to 5 . Listen to this . It says
now for the matter that you wrote about , Paul is speaking . It's good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman , but since sexual immorality is occurring , each man should have sexual relations with his own wife and each woman with her own husband . The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife and likewise the wife to her husband . The wife does not have authority over her own body , but she yields it to her husband . In the same way , the husband does not have authority over his own body , but he yields it to his wife . Do not deprive each other , except perhaps by mutual consent , for a time so that you may devote yourselves to prayer .
Speaker 1That is loaded y'all with a lot of different ways we can go what jumps out to you .
Speaker 2I just think that it's great . Do not deprive each other you know , what I mean , like do not deprive each other that . My body is yours , your body is mine . Isn't that exciting , though ?
Speaker 1But what if I'm ?
Speaker 2tired .
Speaker 1You better do the word the word says except for times of fasting and praying do not deprive each other , but do not deprive each other . But what if it feels ?
Speaker 2like it's just all about him or all about her and it's not about .
Speaker 1But do not deprive each other , but do not deprive each other . But what if it feels like it's just all about him or all about her , and it's not about .
Speaker 2But do not deprive each other .
Speaker 1It's as simple as that .
Speaker 2It is .
Speaker 1You know , I heard one lady on our podcast we talk sex God's way , y'all can look at that a while ago , and I think she put in a comment or somewhere like so what are you telling me to do ? I'm just supposed to open up my legs for him anytime he wants it . Well , that's probably why your marriage is jacked up , if that's your tone to what we're saying , because that's not the spirit behind what we're saying . Listen closely , see . There are a lot of people . When the scripture says , don't deny yourself , you hear it through your sexual trauma .
Speaker 2You hear it through the advantages that you've been taking advantage of .
Speaker 1You hear it like . No , this is something that you get to keep locked and nobody can have access to it unless you want it . You are hearing it wrong . So the first thing we have to do is get your hearing transformed and let everyone who has an ear to hear . So when the Bible tells me , don't deprive my wife , I am not hearing . Okay , she gets to take advantage of me anytime she wants , or I get to take advantage of her . What I'm hearing is I now have a responsibility to kind of allow her if she has sexual needs . I'm going to submit to meet her needs out of selflessness , out of agape love Because we serve one another Out of submission out of honor , and so now her needs become greater than my needs .
Speaker 1So if you're that woman that says no , I'm not just going to open up my legs for anybody . Okay , are you honoring him ? Are you serving him ? Are you submitting him ? Do you have agape love ? Because if you do , then that would not be something you have to do , it would be something that you get to do . Does that make sense ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I'm trying my best .
Speaker 1Yeah , that definitely has trauma hurt , pain written all over it .
Speaker 2And so when we get married , when the two become one , that I am bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh the two have become one . When we get married , I am his wife , I am his bride , I am a . I am his wife , I am his bride , I am a crown to his head , I am his good thing , I am a gift for him to treasure , and so never would he come to me as something that I have to . I never have to run from him . I never have to protect myself from him , because he is my covering . He protects me , he brings me safety , so I'm always open to him . That's the context in which this is coming from .
Speaker 1So it's never a running from , but it's always an open to .
Speaker 1So much here , baby . So much here . I'll give you what we learned from this scripture . Are you guys ready for this ? If you're in the comments , say you're ready . Number one what I learned from 1 Corinthians 7 , 1 through 5 , is that married people have what the Bible calls marital duty . This is a part of our requirements , our job description , our expectation . The Bible says marital duty and even though it's a duty , we can't approach it like it's a duty . We can't approach it like this is what I have to do . We have to approach it from the posture of this is what I get to do , but it's still a marital duty . Can you talk to that ?
Speaker 2Yeah , I think it's just a lot more of what we already said . Just this is I don't know . It is a duty , but it's a privilege .
Speaker 1Yeah , and it's okay Say this is my job . These are the duties that I do . This is what I do at work . These are the duties as a wife . This is what I do . This is my job description .
Speaker 2This is what I do your job description , including to love him , to honor him , to respect him and to have sex with him .
Speaker 1Come on , that's what we get to do . Let's go . Show is over .
Speaker 2It is not hard , but the thing is and why I wanted to talk about this again is because we have been deceived . The deception is that this is what we have to do and we have to have sex , and I don't feel like it . It's a bad thing . It is not a bad thing . It is the best thing you can do in your day .
Speaker 1We're going to help you . We're going to help you . This is we're renewing minds . Number two what do we learn from 1 Corinthians 7 ? In marriage , we give the authority of our bodies over to our spouse . So it says that the man doesn't have authority over his body , but you got the authority over my body and that you don't have the authority over your body . You've given that authority over to me , or say and so um , this is once again the spirit behind it is because I am here to serve your needs . I am here to honor you with whatever you need and vice versa .
Speaker 1Anything jumps out to you about the authority .
Speaker 2I love that authority . And again it comes . What jumps out to me is that , women , we have to renew our minds according to the word of God , because in , you know , in the world , before we get married , you know , especially if we have had sex before marriage , we've been in , you know , date rape situations and situations where the guy can't advance , just say no . When she says no , it's done or whatever . And we get indoctrinated into this and I think all of that's good . But once you get married there's no , just say no . He's not the enemy , he's not our date , he's our husband . You know what I mean ? It's renewing our mind .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , yeah . Yeah , we're stepping on some toes , but it's good , get them toes out the way . Number three this is what I learned from 1 Corinthians 7 . This principle applies to both husbands and wives . So for those of you , I was like well , maybe there's a wife out there who wants to have sex and her husband doesn't no doubt .
Speaker 1Yeah , we hear that as well , and this is is this a principle applies to both ? There is an expectation that both husband and wives will meet
each other's needs and in this place of intimacy OK , number four we all need to learn how to yield . Um number four , we all need to learn how to yield . So the in the scripture it says this that the wife doesn't have authority over her body but yields to her husband . Okay , yield is kind of like when you're going through a yellow light .
Speaker 1You know , you , you , there's a , there's a light red and yellow and you kind of are cautious or you yield you just so when it comes to sex and a marriage , I'm always yielded Well do you want to have ? It tonight . What do you need tonight ? You're yielding . And I think there's something about yielding to one another .
Speaker 2What is your needs ? Tonight we're being sensitive to one another , we are being aware , so we're saying all of this stuff yes , I want you to have sex , all of this stuff but at the same time , we're not dummies , we're not insensitive , we deeply love one another and are passionate toward one another . So I'm like , yes , I've been waiting to do this all day . But if I come in and I see you holding your stomach and you look like you don't feel good , well , yes , it's done .
Speaker 2Okay baby , you need some Tylenol . What can I do to serve you ? What can I do to help you ? So we're not like idiots , but we're yielded to one another , we're sensitive toward one another .
Speaker 1Number five would be don't deprive each other except for prayer . This is all coming out of 1 Corinthians 7 . And there's a lot of people depriving each other , but it ain't got nothing to do with prayer . And then it says even if you deprive each other for prayer , it has to be mutual consent . So if you're like , hey , Ken , I want to spend some time with the Lord and I just would like to take seven days and I'm like , no , I'm not feeling that .
Speaker 1Well then , that's off the table because , it says mutual consent , and we've never done that before . We've been married for 25 years . We've never put sex on the altar for prayer before .
Speaker 2I've just never been led to do that . I'm not led to do that at all . I don't know whose idea .
Speaker 1That was Because I've noticed that I can pray but still have great sex . I think it depends on how you look at sex . Like , is that getting in the way of my prayer life ? No , it's not . It's actually helping my prayer life . Lord , help me , so watch this and then , if you read the post text , I'm like really .
Speaker 2Like that is not a command .
Speaker 1Now , if you're led to both do that with mutual consent , you go at it . But please don't project that on me . I ain't got nothing to do with that . Now the Lord , if he wants me to do it , lord , I'm open , but not that much . No , I'm just playing . So , anyway , anything else jump out to you from that ? So I think there's a lot there . Oh God , I don't even know what to do here . I don't know what to do here . I think what we should do , and we've never done this in the history of our show , because I think it was so rich that we got to do a part two to this that we're going to have to stop right here . Okay , no-transcript .