Hey , what's up everybody . Welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha , so pumped to have you guys joining us once again . We got a great episode for you today . We wanna talk about waiting until marriage , what newlyweds must know about intimacy , and today's episode should be like a hugely shared episode , especially for those of you all who know somebody who's dating , they're thinking about getting married , they're engaged , they're about about getting married , they're engaged , they're about to get married and God knows if you just recently got married over the last two to three years . You're going to need this episode and basically everybody going to need some principles out of this thing . But I want to , just we want to . We want to talk really about intimacy . We want to talk about sex . How would you describe the difference between sex and intimacy ? How would you define those two ?
Speaker 2I think sex is just the act , it's physical . Sex is physical , intimacy is emotional and maybe even spiritual . I don't know .
Speaker 1But intimacy is more than physical closeness . Yeah , and so do you feel like you can have good sex without intimacy ?
Speaker 2In my opinion ? No , because sex in my opinion is for marriage , and so in marriage sex is better . With intimacy I mean I love you , I like you , I want to be close to you , I want to experience the whole package . I think sex outside of marriage or you know , can be just for gratification or Do you feel like you can have intimacy without sex as a married couple ? Intimacy without sex ? Um yes , Uh huh yes . But I think sex is included within . Intimacy is included with sex as a married couple .
Speaker 1Okay , I would say yes , you can have intimacy without sex If there's a medical condition or you know you get older . Things happen in life and yes , there can be intimacy because of the history , the emotional closeness . But I think in God's best the married couple has sex as a part of intimacy and that sex actually increases that intimacy .
Speaker 1So , anyway , we want to talk about this today for newlyweds , because there's a lot of people who they get married and they think they're going to have the best sex of their life and it doesn't end up that way . But I wanted to kind of start off just defining sex very quickly . So can you define just sex from God's perspective ?
Speaker 2From God's perspective , I'd say that sex is meant for procreation , sex is meant for a husband and a wife , and sex is meant for the pleasure of a husband and wife is meant for the pleasure of a husband and wife .
Speaker 1Okay , so God is the one that created marriage . God is also the one who invented sex , and so he created sex on purpose , with purpose , for procreation , enjoyment , intimacy between husband and wife . And then he says that anything that's done outside of that context of husband and wife , man and woman who are married , is considered sexual immorality . So what God's word tells us to do is to save sex for the context of a marriage . Why do you think that he would tell us to do that ?
Speaker 2Hmm , I think , because well , I know , that along with intercourse comes a soul tie . I think that he only wants you to be soul tied to that one person , right ? So I would say that part of it . I would say that I don't know , I don't know why .
Speaker 1I guess what I'm getting at is that sometimes people look at the commands of God as grievous , meaning that God's trying to take away my fun . Yeah , that's not God . God is always . Any parameters that he gives us is because he know how he's created us and he's given us parameters for our benefit , for our health , for our protection . So there's a bunch of reasons why God would give us this parameter . Soul ties is a huge one . Safety is another one , whether it be STDs or whether it be having children with someone . And then there's split custody . You know what I mean . You're having children by different people . That's a part of it . But in God's original intent of a man and a woman , this is in his best . Now let's just stop right here for a second . We didn't do it like this , right . We didn't save sex for marriage , right , which we would have .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1Okay , um , we didn't save sex just for each other . Like you know which we would have , which we would have known these . When we got together , you wasn't saved and I was a Christian atheist . I believed in God , lived like he didn't exist . So we're not going to share this with you as , hey , this is God's way . No , I'm saying this is God's best . Okay , now , when we came into understanding God's best , we say that's the target , let's try to hit it .
Speaker 1God knows better than what I know , and I think there's a lot of people that allow their sexuality to define them and actually motivate them or kind of like control them more than God's word .
Speaker 1When you get saved , what you're saying is that I die to me , I die to what I want , and now , god , I submit to what you want . So , regardless of your sexual past , when you get born again , it should be born again , spirit , also soul , body , like God , I give you all of me , not just the convenient part of me . I give you all of me . So every person who is a born-again believer submitted to the Lord Jesus Christ , has to come to the place where you say my body's not my own . Now I want to do what you've told me to do in your word and there's reasons why you've told me to live a certain way in your word . So God's original intent is for us to remain virgins until the day that we're married . Now , most people don't make it there in today's society statistics . That's God's best . Now , if you're a person and you're a newlywed , or you're dating and you're both virgins and you're on your way , we say congratulations to you .
Speaker 1We want to celebrate you , because I think we need to make a big deal out of virginity because we make a big deal out of promiscuity and sleeping around all over the place and we need to make a big deal about doing it God's way . So be bold share your story that's amazing .
Speaker 1Hit us in the comments , email us , let us know . You're honoring
God with your body . You're honoring God with your body , right ? The intent of God from the very beginning is that not only would there be a covenant between husband and wife at the ceremony of marriage , there will be a blood covenant at the night , in night . So meaning that when you go home after your wedding ceremony and you have sex for the first time and a woman bleeds , what is it called the hymen ? What is that ? Yeah , okay , so sex for the first time , there's blood , that happens .
Speaker 1What is that that's symbolic of a blood covenant , Okay . And so a husband and a wife operating in God's very best doesn't just have covenant in a ceremony , they have a blood covenant till death . Do us part at night . Now , that is God's original intent . All right . Now here's where we want to go .
Speaker 1Today , there is a whole lot of people who save sex for marriage .
Speaker 1Even if you're a person that's like you went out and messed stuff up like I did , and then you get , you rededicate your life to the Lord and you say now I'm going to do this thing God's way , Okay . There's a lot of people that they find somebody and they say we are worth the wait , we're going to save sex for marriage . They get married and their expectation is this because we did it God's way , we about to have the best sex of our life . Because we did it God's way , this is going to be easy for us . Because we did it God's way , we're about to have the best sex of our life . Because we did it God's way , this is going to be easy for us . Because we did it God's way , this is not going to be a challenge at all , only to be rudely awaking to the fact that it's going to take a lot of effort and it's going to take some work to have a great sex life , and I just feel like this is one of those things that I don't know .
Speaker 1I want to make sure it's in our premarital counseling , because a lot of people think that this is going to be an easy area , and for some it is , but for many people they have to put in some work in your sex life . You have to start to trust each other , get naked like literally , but also figuratively . You got to be able to get into one another's lives and figure out what you like and what you don't like , and you're gonna have to have really uncomfortable conversations and that's what I want to talk about a little bit today okay um , talk to me .
Speaker 1Um , do you feel like ? Um , is that something that you see as common , like people save themselves for marriage , then they get married , then they struggle , and if so , why do you think that is ?
Speaker 2Yeah , yes , I do hear that quite often , and I think it is because there's an attack on marriage . It's a spiritual thing , but then also , I think , because we probably go into it with unrealistic expectations , especially if you saved yourself for marriage . You know what I mean . A lot of people you know . If you've had sex and lost your virginity when you were a teenager man , that was so . That was such a bad experience for most people and it was crazy and you felt insecure and all of this stuff . But you are going to give not lose your virginity , but give your virginity to your husband or wife on your wedding day . That's a lot you saved yourself for then , but then you could still encounter some of the same awkwardness . You know that other people dealt with as teenagers . You know what I mean . It's not right , but it's the way that it is , and so I think that there's just learning . There's a growth period of learning each other . But I think it can be very beautiful if you go into it with the right expectations , meaning that it's not going to be like a Hollywood movie , it's not going to be like a fairy tale .
Speaker 2Your clothes don't just fall off of your body . Candles aren't just burning automatically . You have to light the candle yourself . You have to pick out the music and turn on the music . You got to turn off the light . You got to get the right bed sheets . You got to pick out your outfit . You got to take your clothes . These are all intent . It just doesn't just happen . And so you will find a rhythm in your romance with one another and your foreplay with one another . And all of that takes practice , and with the right expectations you'll go into it and you'll just kind of play around and have fun and grow until it gets great and perfect .
Speaker 1Yes , you will , she will , but hey . So what I would say is , first off , congratulations . If you've saved yourself for marriage , we want to celebrate you because that's huge , that's huge , that's awesome . You did it the right way . Yeah , you did it the right way . You are the example . You're the ones that we should do the podcast and the books . You're the ones that we need to learn from , and so we want to applaud that . But now we want to kind of strengthen you at the same time for those of you all who are headed that way , so that you can kind of enter in with some expectations those of you all who've been married for a year or two and you're still struggling in that area .
Speaker 1And we got eight things newlyweds need to know about intimacy , and we want to help you . Okay , now listen . If you're new to our podcast , hit the subscribe button , hit the follow button right now . Share this with other people . Okay , you got to get this message to other people . It will save them some drama . Now , we've been ministering to couples for a long time and we know that this is it's not like a super common thing , but we hear it every once in a while that somebody did it right , but they're really struggling .
Speaker 1Here's eight
things , eight things that newlyweds need to know about intimacy . Number one is be patient . It's a journey , it's not performance . First Corinthians , 13 and four it says that love is patient and is kind . So don't expect like fireworks and chemistry right away . That has to be built in . It takes time to learn each other's rhythms , needs comfort zones . This is not what you see in the movies . This is not the spirit of lust just driving you . You've done it a holy way and a godly way . It's gonna be built . You can still have passion , you can still have fun , but it's not gonna be built off lust . You're building it off love . You going to be built . You can still have passion , you can still have fun , but it's not going to be built off lust . You're building it off love . You have to be patient .
Speaker 2Absolutely . And I think also , you know it's a journey , not a performance . I think it's going to be feel different and be different for each person . You know so you might be you know you might like different things than what I like and you know vice versa . Be you know you might like different things than what I like and you know vice versa . I think we have to be patient with each other on those things .
Speaker 1And how have we dealt with those differences over the years ?
Speaker 2We talk about it . You know , even if it's uncomfortable , we talk about it . And you know , if there's something that you don't like , well then that's fine .
Speaker 1Well , what you want to try to do is stay away from what I call selfish sex . Selfish sex is when you go into the encounter just to get yourself pleased . Selfless sex is when you go into the encounter to please your spouse . And if you can stay in selfless sex , we always meet in the middle . So it's not like you say , well , I don't like this and I like that , but I really want this . It doesn't matter really what I want in the sexual encounter . I'm trying to figure out what do you want and you're figuring out what I want , and it seems like we've never really had a beef there because we're always just trying to please each other and we hear each other out .
Speaker 2It's like if you like something that I don't , I'm like , well , I just don't like it , don't even talk about it . No , oh , you like that , well , tell me more . Well , I understand you , and whether we move forward with it or not is based off of .
Speaker 1Well , here's the tricky one . What about the part where there's a spouse that's like but I really want to do this , but he don't want to do that or she don't want to do that ? My advice would be just submit to I don't want you to do anything you're uncomfortable with .
Speaker 2What kind of fun is that ?
Speaker 1Like we're having sex and you're not comfortable .
Speaker 2It's true , it's not that big a deal , but at the same time , if it's not a sin , why wouldn't I do it if you like it and just want to please you ?
Speaker 1I don't even know Right .
Speaker 2Yeah , that's what you like , baby . Okay , I can do that , well , hey take that to the bank tonight .
Speaker 1Number three is invite God into every part of your marriage . No . Number two is communicate clearly and often . I jumped over that Eight things newlyweds must know . You got to communicate to each other clearly and often so you got to really talk .
Speaker 1So , we have family meetings once a week or once every other week , and one of the things on our outline is sex . And I'll start off on a scale of one to 10 . How am I doing in that area ? You say eight . I say , okay , what can I improve ? What do you like , what do you not like ? When we first started getting our sex life really together , we had very uncomfortable conversations about what you liked and what I didn't like . Then we would go into the bedroom and practice . Even if it got super awkward , it was okay because I was learning what buttons to push and what buttons to stay away from , and I think that there's a lot of people now because we did that 20 years ago . We've had a great sex life for 20 plus years because we were willing to do that in the beginning . I really encourage married couples to find your sex rhythm and your sex . How I really encourage married couples to find your sex rhythm and your sex . You know how to please one another and then the rest of your time together can be good .
Speaker 2And I think that's good . Like you said , let's do it in the beginning , let's do it now so that you can spend the rest of your lives enjoying it . And I would add this I would say when you're communicating , be honest , don't lie . If you don't like it , you don't like it . If you , you know , if you you know , just be honest with it , because you would just rob yourself of pleasure , you rob yourself of enjoying it the way that you , you really want to , right .
Speaker 1And let's just put that as an asterisk . Sex is meant to be enjoyed , yes , and from husband and wife . Both should be enjoying sex , so you want to find out a way where you can do it , where this is something that you both look forward to and you both enjoy it . Number three would be this invite God into every part of your marriage , even in the bedroom . Genesis 2.25 talks about how a man and his wife was naked and not ashamed , and so God is not embarrassed by your intimacy .
Speaker 1You don't need to be embarrassed by it , and so you want to kind of bring God into the center of it and I know this might even sound like a little weird , but I always ask the Holy Spirit hey , tell me what she likes . I know that sounds crazy , that is a little weird . But why is that weird ? Because he's my friend . He created sex and I'm doing it in a holy way . I could use your help .
Speaker 2I agree .
Speaker 1Now I can be sitting here rubbing all day long , or you can tell me where she wanted it and we can get up out of here . I'm just thinking like no .
Speaker 2Well , because it's not dirty .
Speaker 1It's not dirty , it's not dirty .
Speaker 2It's something that God created .
Speaker 1But that's the thing we got to get out of the place . We think Negative , dirty or wrong . We haven't defined it how Scripture defines it . This is holy , beautiful , and I look at it as a form of worship and my paracletos , who is the Holy Ghost , who's going to help me , comfort me and guide me ? There are some times I'm like , hey , it don't look like she's responding to this . What should I do ? Should I keep going or should I bust another move ?
Speaker 2You know what I mean .
Speaker 1That's hilarious . That sounds weird , though .
Speaker 2It does , I don't know . I would love to hear what you guys think in the comments very quickly .
Speaker 1Do you think that's something that you should bring into your marriage ? You bring the Holy Spirit into your intimacy time . Let him help you , or you think that's weird ? Yeah , you don't never ask the Holy Spirit to help you . I'm holier than you . It now has been shown as evidence on this podcast . After all these years , they thought you were the holiest one . Now they find out it's me .
Speaker 2I just feel like I probably have . I have prayed . I mean , I pray about our sex life , I pray about . I pray that I could please you . I pray all of those things probably before we get there , so like when we're actually there , in the midst of it , I'm not thinking . Holy Spirit , help me do this .
Speaker 1I mean you say it like that , that sounds weird . It's more like I kind of ask the Holy Spirit about everything . Should I go this way , should I go that ?
Speaker 2way , you are more holy than I . I'm like . I'm just like You're holy baby .
Speaker 1I'm like whatever we're going to move on past that one . Number four is this is focus on connections , not just sex , because oneness is more important than the physical . It's emotional , spiritual , relational , building intimacy by spending time having fun , praying together . Intimacy outside the bedroom it kind of fuels what's happening in the bedroom . So I always say that good sex starts in the morning . Now you like to have sex in the morning period , but I'm talking about even if it was at night . Good sex starts in the morning because it's all day long . It's not like I'm ignoring you all day long ,
not meeting emotional needs , not telling you you're beautiful , and then trying to get some at the end of the night . So to me , this is something that you're building , you're investing in , so you always want to harvest . So you got to always be sowing the seed . So I'm sowing seed all the time for the touch .
Speaker 2This is the time to be touchy , feely , not before marriage . You know this is the time to touch each other during the day and love each other , kiss each other , hug each other , sit on his lap . You know , do things . I think all of that makes for intimacy throughout the day and it makes at the end of the day , or whenever you do become intimate . It makes it so much better .
Speaker 1Right Number five will be unpack expectations together . Okay , and I think sometimes we carry what we will call silent expectations . Well , I thought that he was going to do this , or I thought that she was going to do this . Now , if you've been with other people , it might be you're bringing expectations of another sexual encounter that you've had into the bedroom and now your spouse isn't performing the way of something you saw in pornography or something that you saw in another relationship .
Speaker 1So one of the things that you should do is definitely get onto our YouTube page and look for Breaking Ungodly Soul Ties , because you're going to need to break ungodly soul ties yes , because you're going to need to break ungodly soul ties from past sexual experiences and pornography and ask God to give you a fresh perspective of your spouse so that you're not comparing , because whenever you compare , you belittle .
Speaker 2And I think this is where you can ask the Lord to help you in this area . It's just like , okay , help me to wipe my mind clean of past relationships , of things that maybe I've watched and wrong imagination and things like that . Ask the Holy Spirit to help you do that . Also , I think you can ask God to help you with insecurities and things especially for women . This is not the time to be insecure and not like your body and your body parts and all of this stuff . This is the time for you to know that you are fearfully and wonderfully created in the image of God . This is the time for you to be secure in your body and how God created you , that your husband loves you and he loves everything about you . I think those are areas really you want to invite God to help you have the right mindset .
Speaker 1Can we just park there for a moment , because I feel like that's what a man actually likes .
Speaker 1It doesn't matter if his wife has gained weight . Maybe she's not as fit as she used to be , maybe she just had some babies . He still wants her to be confident and secure . If she ever starts to , well , just turn the lights off and you know I'm just trying to cover up and I don't want you to see me . Um , and I can't speak for all men , but I can speak for some that I know , like we just like it when our woman is secure enough to be like naked and not ashamed Like this is who I am .
Speaker 1This is what I got , because , as a husband , I'm thinking that you're all that I'm looking at and I don't give a care if it has 20 pounds more , 50 pounds more , it's still mine . I don't care if it's stretched out , it's still mine , and I just want to grab a booty or a boobie or something , and we want to . You know , we want to just have some fun up in here and you're self-conscious .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1That's messing this stuff up . That goes vice versa for men as well , but I think that there's something . Can you speak to that at all ? Just not being insecure . I mean going through surgeries and different things . I'm sure you could struggle and say well , I feel insecure , but as me , I'm like , you're all I got .
Speaker 2Don't be insecure .
Speaker 1I'm going to love every part of you .
Speaker 2Yeah , I think it's comparison Number one . You're comparing yourself like even after having babies and things like that you do . You're actually not how you you know , you're actually .
Speaker 1You're not how you used to be . Yeah , but nobody's how they used to be . Yeah , and I wish we would all get that Like at 47 , I'm not who I was at 27 . Nobody , that's what marriage is . We're growing older together . So let's just be confident , love one . So let's just be confident , love one another . We're not who we used to be .
Speaker 2Yeah , and it's just defending yourself to yourself , Like no , I okay , I just had a baby and I don't look like how I did or how I will , but I'm still beautiful . You're still beautiful , but look at me , you know what I mean . But I'm still beautiful and so I think having that mindset it just changes everything . It's intentional . You have to be intentional about it and you'll grow past it .
Speaker 1Yeah , man , I love God's daughters . Recently we were doing an appeal and I said anyone who's dealing with autoimmune disease come down . And as I was just closing my eyes knowing that people were moving , I said I bet you , 80% of these people coming down as women . And when I opened my eyes I saw an altar and it was 100% of them were women and I told them about autoimmune disease and I started to say 85% of sickness .
Speaker 1They say a psychosomatic meaning , that it's something in your mind and your emotions manifesting itself in your body . And what we've seen is that many times when people deal with autoimmune disease lupus , rheumatoid arthritis , lyme disease it is their immune system attacking their body . And I said , one of the keys to overcoming autoimmune disease is grace to self . You have to forgive yourself . You got to love yourself . You got to look in the mirror and stop having so many negative thoughts of yourself and tearing down yourself .
Speaker 1And I don't know if that's just a woman thing or the day and time that we live in , but it's like I got grays . I need to know . You got beautiful gray hairs . Well , I got some . I got some wrinkles . You have beautiful wrinkles . That means you've been around for a while where my skin is doing this . Thank God you have skin . We got to come to the place where we are not harsh and critical of ourselves but we love ourselves , because you are fearfully and wonderfully made of God . You are a daughter of God and a son of God and I think somehow can trickle over , even into your sex life .
Speaker 2It really can , it really does yeah .
Speaker 1Number six would be give and receive grace . There's going to be awkward moments , maybe even some tears . You ever had a sex fight ? If you ever had a sex fight , comment .
Speaker 2Let us know what your sex fight is , if you've been married for a little while , you've definitely had one .
Speaker 1A sex fight is when you're in the middle of sex and somebody does something or say something , and then sex is over . You don't finish it .
Speaker 1It's like somebody got upset and then it was like close it on and let's come back again , maybe tomorrow , yeah , so if you have a sex fight , here's the thing , grace the self . What I've learned about sex fight is nobody wins . With a sex fight , nobody wins . I'm right , I'm upset , you're upset , we feel like crap , you know , but here's the thing that might happen . Yeah , that might happen . There's been seasons where I think our last sex fight I don't know what it was , it was something like it was something that I was doing and you was like , you know , you had a hysterectomy and it wasn't feeling the same way that it used to feel . And I could tell you were like in your head thinking about it and I was thinking like why don't you just say it ?
Speaker 1If you want me to not do that , just say it like you know , and so I got it in my head , you were in your head , and then I was mad , and then the fight was the next thing .
Speaker 2I know it was over Key you well , you're pretty much .
Speaker 1Yeah , most sex fights are definitely started by me but there's only been two or three of them . I can think how many I'll start it by you .
Speaker 2I'll start it by me
that's cause why are you saying it like sensitive ? No , I'm just saying that I don't know . I just say it's just the truth .
Speaker 1No , no , no , I remember the last sex fight , don't please . Yes , I remember last sex fight .
Speaker 2You start laughing hysterically it was funny in the middle of sex that Don't , please , don't . Yes , please don't .
Speaker 1I remember the last sex fight . You start laughing hysterically .
Speaker 2It was funny In the middle of sex .
Speaker 1That ain't funny . That is not funny .
Speaker 2We're in the middle of intimate time , but there's nothing to get angry about . It was a fun , funny time . Why are you laughing ?
Speaker 1No , no , but you're trying to . That's not cool . Will you at least take the ?
Speaker 2responsibility of saying that's not cool , yes , 100% .
Speaker 1A little bit dishonorable a little bit disrespectful , randomly laughing .
Speaker 2You know me though . You've known me for 25 years . I'm never going to disrespect you like that , but I just laugh sometimes . It was just laughing . Like why are you laughing ?
Speaker 1I know Like what is it that I have on deodorant ?
Speaker 2I had a laugh attack Like what is it that I have on deodorant ? I had a laugh attack . I don't understand . I had a laugh attack .
Speaker 1But then you got the nerve , on this podcast , to come up here and tell these people that it was you always having the sex fights . It's you .
Speaker 2But it was wasn't it .
Speaker 1It was , but there's a reason .
Speaker 2I know , so I didn't lie .
Speaker 1I'm just saying that you're trying to act so innocent and if a man would know , man , please , please , share this with your husband's lady , because he will tell the truth . Right now , when a man is having sex with his wife , the last thing he wants is her laughing hysterically .
Speaker 2I know that now .
Speaker 1Lord have mercy . Anyway , I'm still upset about it . Number seven is this Set boundaries to protect intimacy . All right , now that you're married , you got to protect what you've been waiting for . Don't let busyness , phones , exhaustion stop your connection . Yeah , set rhythms , check in . I always tell people to have a sex talk up front . How often do we expect to have ?
Speaker 2sex .
Speaker 1It's not like it has to be concrete , but are we like an everyday kind of couple Every other day , every three days , once a week kind of couple once a month ? The worst thing is you marry somebody and you think you're going to have sex every day , but it's now once a month .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1Because you always didn't talk about it .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1And then what you try to do is you meet each other in the middle . Any thoughts on that ?
Speaker 2You want to communicate about it and I think that you know we do things like . I mean , I just plan for it , like okay , after I get out of the shower it's going down after I get out of the bathtub . You know , after dinner tonight , well , on date night , like I will have in my mind certain times where I know this is what we're going to do , so meaning that it's intentional , it's not like , oh , we just going to bump into each other in the house and you know it's going to be great , it's no just Didn't you used to have , like , where you was , like I'm a everyday sex kind of mindset .
Speaker 1Have you let that ?
Speaker 2slide I don't know . Yeah , it doesn't bother me . I'm kind of like go with the flow . I don't .
Speaker 1Yeah , I think you should get back .
Speaker 2I kind of adapt to whatever you like .
Speaker 1I think you should be ready every night and then we'll see what happens . Number eight is keep learning and growing together . Mark 10 , 8 says that the two shall become one . Yeah , I think you say I do , and that happens spiritually . But to become one financially and in all of our responsibilities , that's a process , and I guess , if I was to give a newlywed some advice , give each other a lot of grace and space , communicate to each other . Let you grow together , don't what is it like ? Tick for tack , so to say and don't tear each other down . Build each other up , but be committed to learning and growing together .
Speaker 1I really believe , when it comes to sex , that , as married Christian couples , we should always listen to podcasts like this about sex . We should read books from other Christians about sex . We shouldn't just be like , oh , we're going to have good sex . That's just like any sport . You go out and you practice Golfers , they play golf , fishermen , they go fish and they want to get better . I mean , they read books , they watch the golf channel , they work on their swing and I don't know why we get married and we think we're just going to have great sex .
Speaker 1Okay , did you go to a conference about that ? Did you talk to a counselor about that ? Did you talk to somebody else who's had great sex for the last 30 years ? And so I would applaud people for listening to this podcast this long . But then don't make this a one-time thing . I don't know , I just feel like we've been at this for a minute , but I always I probably got a book about sex beside my bed . I'm not reading it right now , but I got tools . I see something . I'll grab it and say okay .
Speaker 2I want to improve that area . Do you think that way too ? Yeah , sex , romance , intimacy you know all of those kinds of keywords , that kind of help you tune into the needs of your spouse and help you become like you know , whether it's wife , husband . All of these things contribute to that intimate relationship .
Speaker 1Okay . So if you were speaking to a newlywed or somebody who's about to get married and you wanted to drop , like a drop the mic kind of one piece of like motherly advice that you've
experienced 25 years of marriage , what would it be ? Does anything come to mind ?
Speaker 2About . Okay , I would just say , to go into the marriage loving yourself , your body , and be secure in your body . I think that is going to be the number one thing that will help you thrive in your sexual relationship , in your sex life with your husband , Because if you love yourself , you care about yourself , you understand , you have the right godly perspective of yourself and your body , your husband , his body and what sex is , that it's not dirty , that it is meant for enjoyment and it's meant for the married husband and woman . It's a part of a holy institution and if you go into it with that perspective , I believe you'll get everything out of it that God intended and that's what I want for my daughters .
Speaker 1Okay , well , you made a couple of things come to mind . So , first off , I'll speak to sons . I'll speak to other men , men who are older , men who are younger . I would say treat your spouse like the flower that she is and help her blossom . Don't go into the sexual encounter like Tarzan or like a gorilla , like I'm going to go get mine . Go into the sexual encounter that I'm going to meet her needs and I'm going to unfold something and I'm going to take her to a place that she's never been and would never want to come back from . And it's not just going to be the penetration side of the encounter , but it's the whole part of the closeness and the intimacy and everything that you are .
Speaker 1And then I would say , for all couples together , I would say have sex frequently , just have sex , just have more sex , have sex , just have sex . Put it on the calendar Morning sex , lunchtime sex , nighttime sex , whatever it is I'm talking about . You've been married 15 years , 20 years , 30 years , 40 years . Just have sex together . If you are medically , physically able to have sex , just have as much sex as you possibly can . That would be my advice .
Speaker 2A new definition to the phrase just do it . Definition to the phrase just do it .
Speaker 1I like that Everybody say just do it . Hey , well , we're out of time for today . I pray that you enjoyed our podcast today . If you're newer to our audience , make sure you hit the subscribe or the follow button . But really you can do us a great favor by just sharing this content with somebody else that you feel like really needs it . This is what I know . The divorce rate is at 50% and a lot of it's because people don't have tools in their toolbox .
Speaker 1We went from divorce to best friends . Not because we have a special anointing or a special God . It's because somebody gave us some tools the podcast that we have , the books that we have , the boot camps , the masterclasses . It's all our way of giving you the tools that somebody gave us . And so if you share this podcast , it's giving somebody the tools . If you jump over to KenandTabithacom , look at our new books that we have pamphlets , works , all the stuff we have . It's just giving you new tools . You get some new tools . You'll get some new results . We love you .
Speaker 1If you're ever in Florida , come worship with us at a live church . The link to our church is in the in the show notes , of course . We have a campus in Orlando , tampa and Gainesville I'm also . We have a conference that's coming up . People are coming in from around the world . Tickets are going extremely fast . We would love to have you come in . It's an encounter conference . People will be healed . There's going to be the gifts of the Holy Spirit . We might even do a marriage workshop there . There's going to be so many different things for creatives , there's going to be things for business owners . There's going to be masterclasses . It's going to be like six to eight different masterclasses , probably eight , nine main sessions after parties , but it's going to be one encounter with God . For more information about a live conference , go to the link that's in the show notes as well .