Hey , welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha . We are so pumped that you're tuning into this podcast . It has been designed for people just like you . We wanna do life with you , share our wins , our defeats , our ups and our downs , in hopes that you'll grow closer to God and to the people that you love in your life . Sit back and enjoy today's podcast . Five keys to saving a broken marriage is number one . You gotta locate where you are . You go into a mall . You got to see the dot that says you are here . Before you get to Macy's , you got to figure out where you are . So you got to figure out where you are . So my question for the people who are tuning in today is where are you in your marriage ? Where are you ? Not just your marriage , your marriage ? On a scale of one to 10 , you might say collectively it's a five .
Speaker 1But where are you as a husband and where you as a wife ? Because when you understand where you are , then you can say I am here , but I want to be here , I want to be at a different place . Then , and only then , can you begin to create a strategy to get to where you want to go .
Speaker 2I think that's good and that's good for both the husband and the wife to locate yourself , you know , on a scale of one to 10 , you know where am I and where do I want to get to . But then the marriage , you know overall , so that you can both be on the same page working toward these goals . And sometimes I mean in the beginning , when it's broken it might be , you know , maybe one has more growing to do than the other , you know , and that's okay .
Speaker 2But the important thing is to locate yourself , locate where you are .
Speaker 1So here's the questions to locate you . Do you know what a good marriage looks like ? Do you have a model of a good marriage ? Because many times we need a model . Okay , when are you in your marriage ? On a scale of one to 10 , 10 being perfect , one being horrible rate yourself . So if you're a five , what do you want to be Do ?
Speaker 1you want to be an eight . Do you want to be a nine ? What does it mean ? Write this down . What does it mean to be a good husband ? Write that down . What does it mean to be a good husband ? What does that look like to you ? I couldn't define that . What does it mean to be a good wife ? Okay ? What do you aspire to be ? Okay , I want you to define what a husband is biblically . Define what a wife is biblically . All right . I want you to chart out a plan to get there . Okay , so you are a four , but you want to be at an eight . How do you close that gap ? What do we have to do ? And it's not going to happen overnight , but this is what I will do . So I got a goal and then , every day , I'm going to take steps towards that goal . Okay , you got to stop the bleeding . You got to remove the things that are killing the marriage Now there's some things that are marriage killers .
Speaker 1Um , they are so toxic that you cannot really get restored in your marriage with these things still being there . For example , addictions , addictions they have to go . Abuse cannot be there . Infidelity has to stop . Pornography has to be shut down . Lying Lying is the one that people don't talk about a lot . But you cannot build . All marriages is built upon trust and if you lie , I can't trust you . Like I mean , come on now , like even with your kids , like my kids , they can do anything and I'm going to be there for them . But it's going to be hard if they lie to me . Like if it's one thing I don't want them . Don't lie to me , cause then we don't have nothing . Like you , you drunk at 2am , call me , I'll come pick you up . I don't like it . We'll deal with it later . But don't you lie to me . Don't come in the house and act like you wasn't doing something you did , because then we don't have nothing .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1And I think we need to go back and we just need to get that truthful heart again . Anything on that I agree . Okay , Number two my second key for you to saving a broken marriage would be work on your own personal growth , Because marriage is the sum of two different people coming together . So we are the claders and it's the sum of us coming together . So we are the claders and it's the sum of us coming together . If one person is immature , the whole sum of our averages goes down . So if you're fleshy and you stay out all night and drink and sleep well , you bring the whole clader crew down to that level .
Speaker 1And it's called John Maxwell will call it the law of the lid . So you got to be careful who you marry , because you come under the lid of kind of where they are . We are not saying stop working on your marriage to work on you Now . I've heard that before , but I'm just I got to work on me right now and I got to work on my mental health and I got to work on my emotion . Listen , if you are married , you have to work on you and your marriage at the same time . You cannot put your marriage on the back burner and say I'll get to that when I'm healthy . It ain't work that way .
Speaker 2You shouldn't have said I do .
Speaker 1You're going to have to be . You're going to have to be . What is it ? Multi ?
Speaker 2multifaceted , multitask . I don't even I don't get that expression because I don't know how you can not work on your marriage if you're working on you , and I don't know how you can separate working on you and working on your marriage . It's all together . How do you separate it ?
Speaker 1Someone whose marriage is hanging on by a thread if it's even still together today because the spouse decided that she needed . She has some mental health issues and her counselor told her she needed to get herself together before she could do anything with the marriage . So for years this man has been on the side . If she's sought nothing about the marriage but trying to get herself together . That's crazy . Yeah , it's bad advice . It's horrible .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1It's not , it's not God , it's just not Okay . And so , anyway , you got to work on your own personal growth . Now what I've noticed in our marriage is that you grow , you , yeah , and I grow me too , and sometimes we outgrow each other . Sometimes I see you get in the head .
Speaker 1I said no , no , no , no , no , I'm going to come get you and then I go and I can start growing and you're like oh no , no , no , and so that's what we should have , and I think that in our we've grown together and I would really encourage couples to grow together , like go to church together , read books together , like grow together , don't leave each other behind . But I think if I can grow as a human being , it affects my marriage .
Speaker 2If .
Speaker 1I can grow in me just being a kinder person , it affects my marriage . If I can grow in just being a person who keeps my word , it affects my marriage . If I can grow with not being so selfish but selfless , it affects my marriage . Like if I can just grow me . You know , I tell leaders all the time if you want to grow your church , you got to grow yourself . But if you want to grow your marriage , you got to grow yourself too .
Speaker 2Absolutely , and I think it's , you know , as I think it's encouraging when we see each other growing . It encourages me when I see you growing closer to the Lord , when I see you growing in your leadership , when I see you growing as a parent , you know . When I see you exercising , you know it inspires me and it makes me want to come and you know match where you are like oh , I see where you're going , I got you , you know , here we go , let's go .
Speaker 1And so I think you know that's in a marriage iron sharpens iron , that we can really help one another and inspire one another . But here's my question you were frustrated when you were 22 . Why are you still frustrated at 42 ? Yeah , you know what I'm saying . Like no , you were judgmental at 23 .
Speaker 2Why are ?
Speaker 1you still judgmental at 53 ?
Speaker 2Yeah , well , in marriage , we have to take responsibility for our own growth , and that's what you're talking about here , like we have to work on ourselves , not exclusive from each other .
Speaker 1This is what I know . My pastor used to say it takes two fools to fight . Most of the time it's two people , and each person has a part to play in the demise of the relationship .
Speaker 1Every once in a while you have some joker that's just out there and got a good thing at home , she got a good thing , he got a good thing at home , and they just just just wrong . But most of the time it's 70 , 30 , 60 , 40 , 50 , 50 , 90 . I got a part to play , you got a part to play . What I cannot do is play your part right . I cannot make you grow , I can only grow myself . And so many marriages get into this fight because I want you to do this and I want you to do to that .
Speaker 1But you can't change them . Only God can change them . The only person I can change is me . And what if you took this as a word that listen , even if you don't change , I'm going to change enough for both of us . Where I've had such an eclipse in my life that it's going to affect your life by the run over , I think it's you know . So what I'm saying is like there's certain attitudes like you've been a nag for 20 years . You've been prejudiced . For 35 years you've been , you've been untrusting and jealous when are you gonna deal with ?
Speaker 1that yeah , because that's affecting . So you got to locate yourself , then you got to grow yourself right number three I would say you got to dot a self and this is a huge one , because one of the greatest enemies to marriage is selfishness . It's me , me , me , me , me , me , me , me , me . I want this and I want that , and I want this , and I want that and I want this you probably shouldn't get married if you're a selfish person .
Speaker 1Great day . One of the attributes of turning a bad marriage around is selflessness your ability to focus on your spouse more than you . What happens to the marriage ? I call it a bless me contest , where it's like all I can think about is meeting your needs and all you think about is meeting my needs Great marriage , bad marriage All I can think about is you meet my needs and all you can think about is me meeting your needs Bad marriage great marriage is all I can think about is meeting your needs and all you . It's so simple , but it's so profound . So a great marriage is built on . I want your dreams to come to pass when we get into bed . I want you to be pleased . I want you to climax . I want to meet your needs . I want you to have the best car . I want you to have the best spot in the bed . I want you to have clothes . Before I buy clothes , I want to make sure that you feel good . You know and , in turn , you do what .
Speaker 2I want to make sure that you have all of these things You're supposed to put your hand on my shoulder . Oh really , and I'm supposed to rub your give you a little massage like this .
Speaker 1Oh , that's actually good .
Speaker 2Okay , but this is here . Well , this is what I was really going to say was ? You know , we often like in before , okay , so we're in the marriage . But before we even get marriage , I think we're also set up for failure , because it's like well , I want to marry him because he makes me happy and he does this for me and he does that for me , and all of those things , and we have the list of who we want and who our wife's going to be and who our husband's going to be because of all the things that they do for us , and we're going to spend our lives happily ever after , and all that stuff , when it should be the opposite . In like , no , I want to marry him because I just want to be with him for the rest of his life . Every day that he wakes up , I want to be next to him , I want to be the one that makes him happy , I want to be the one that serves him .
Speaker 2I want to share my life with him , the one that serves him .
Speaker 1I want to share my life with him . I was going to say , let's take it higher . Yeah , I want to . I want to serve him . Yeah , I want to serve him . You know , and maybe that makes a woman's flesh scream , you're not ready . Yeah , I remember when Sarah called Abraham Lord . You know , I don't , I don't know the original meaning of the word , but she called him Lord and I'm not saying that you need to call your husband Lord or your wife Lord .
Speaker 1But what I'm saying is that there's just something about two people that are bent on serving each other Absolutely . That is much better than two people bent on being served .
Speaker 2Well , you know , jesus is the greatest servant of all and I think , like for me , like I'm a servant as a pastor , if I'm up on stage preaching messages , I'm not a superstar , I'm a servant . I am serving these 500 , a thousand , 10,000 people in the . I am serving , I serve my children , I serve anyone . If I sit down and have a conversation with you and I'm helping you in any way , I am serving you . And so , yes , I'm going to serve my husband , I mean hopefully you're not married to an idiot .
Speaker 1If you're married to an idiot , you can start serving them and they just going to take advantage of you . But my guess is that most people aren't married to an idiot and that if you start serving them , they're going to be like Okay , okay , let me , let me go in and help her . Let me go in and help him . I know that's how it was for us .
Speaker 1I think you kind of started the trend of being the hero in the home and you started doing things to like fix me dinner , take care of my clothes , couldn't stay there because you were displaying something . You just came jujitsu style . You just came with Kung Fu . Like you came at a different way , like it's one thing . If you wanted to yell at me too and take your ring off and go out to the club and act like you wouldn't marry and tick for tat . Okay , you was cheating on me , I'm going to cheat on you . But instead you went jujitsu on me , you went ninja on me and you started to say , ok , if you want to go out , go out . I'll be here when you get back . Or , like , I'm going to serve you , I'm going to love you , I'm going to make your favorite foods . We're going to have Ken's night .
Speaker 2Ok , you didn't come home for dinner .
Speaker 1I wrapped it up , I put it in the refrigerator for you whenever you want to go ahead and eat it . That is literally overcoming evil with good , and the Bible says that when you do good when people are doing evil . It's like dumping coals of fire on their head .
Speaker 2Yes , sir .
Speaker 1And at a point I was like , oh my God , I got to treat this woman better .
Speaker 2All I was doing was accessing the word of God and the principles of God because I got saved , but I didn't know the word of God was my weapon . I didn't know the word of God was the instruction manual for my life . All I know is that three people came to my door . They showed me the Bible . They told me that Jesus loved me . I believed them . I read the Bible . I knew that Jesus saved me and I wanted to give my life to him . And I did . I changed a lot of things in my life Stop drinking and doing a lot of things that I used to do before I got saved but I just didn't know anything . But I just didn't . I didn't know anything . But the moment I was presented with the word of God , like I got my weapons . I got my sword , I got my shield and I started using it like I'm a fighter .
Speaker 1Okay , well , let's get real practical then . Let's just stop for a moment . So our marriage was bad and I was being ignorant . Give women a few things and men give us a few things . That you did to try to win me .
Speaker 2I just started to always just to love you and not get in like the tit for tat , you know , like we do . And so , for example , first of all , I did this I realized , like we said , I located myself . I realized that I was in a bad place with you . I realized that our marriage was in a bad place and I wanted it to be better . And I realized my part , the part that I had to play .
Speaker 2I knew that I had been depressed for the last two years of our marriage and I knew that I didn't give you the best of me , and I knew that I didn't even know what the best of me was at that point I was still discovering it , but I knew to go to God and trust God with everything that I had .
Speaker 2And so I laid down my pride and I said , okay , I'm not going to argue with them , I'm not going to have a comeback , I'm not going to do any of that stuff , I'm just going to trust you , god . And so , as situations came , I just handled it through the help of the Holy Spirit , like you cross that bridge when you get to it . Sometimes we go , oh , I can't do it , because what am I going to do if he says this and he does that ? Well , no , just take one step at a time . So you know , like , maybe the first step was like all right , I'm making dinner for you , you don't ? You don't want to talk to me , okay ? Well , um , I made dinner for you . Oh , you're not coming home .
Speaker 1So day after day after day , um , she would make dinner and I would eat out on purpose , so I didn't have to eat what she made , like on , remain stuff , like that . How did you take that ?
Speaker 2I , just I would make your food . I wrapped it up , I put Ken with a little heart on it and I stuck it in the refrigerator and if you didn't eat it I'd take it out , throw it away and I would still keep making your meals without being offended . There were times where I remember , you know , like our sex life was , was terrible , and I wanted to . I wanted you to like me , I wanted you to be attracted to me , I wanted you to like you know , I , I went upstairs and put on some really like sexy clothes and I came down while you were watching the game and maybe that was a mistake , while you were watching the game , but I came down and I , you know just was , you know , wanted to entice you and dance before you and you know , do anything romantic .
Speaker 1You was trying to give me a lap dance and I was trying to watch the game , and so you try to get on my lap and I kind of moved . Oops , sorry , microphone , I tried to move you off of my lap . Move , microphone .
Speaker 2Basically , you rejected me . Yeah , you rejected me , and I was just like OK , you know , I'll let you watch the game . And I went up to my room and I cried in my room and the next day I came back down again in my same clothes and you were sitting there because at this time , at this point , I got you to the point where you would come home and eat my dinner . Now you were sitting at the couch eating dinner watching TV , right ? So then I said okay , well , let me try something else . So I just the next day I went down , you were eating dinner , but then you didn't reject me that time .
Speaker 1So just keep on trying , Just keep on trying . But here's the deal , man . That takes a lot of maturity .
Speaker 2It takes a lot of and you have to swallow a whole bunch of humble pie .
Speaker 1Yeah , that's what I was going to say , because if your spouse is being ignorant , you're basically doing this by faith is unto the Lord . But first Peter , chapter five , I believe , or chapter three , says that a man can be won by the lifestyle of his wife , and I would say publicly thank you for winning me back to where I should be .
Speaker 2Because , baby , I love you and I'm willing to fight for you , and I was willing to fight for you back then .
Speaker 1Well , a lot of women are willing to fight and a lot of men are willing to fight , but they're fighting with their flesh instead of fighting with their faith . And it just so happened that God did something in your heart where he gave you spiritual weapons . And then you learned how to use those spiritual weapons the full armor of God and the sword of the spirit and you begin to call things that be not .
Speaker 1And you stood after you have done all , but you stood until God got hold of my heart your arms are too short to box with God and if you can live your life to where you get God involved listen , your spouse's arms are too short to box with God , come on . But if you take matters into your own hands , god is like okay , you got it . But if you can start living , doing what you do is unto the Lord , then God's going to get involved . And that's what God did . He got involved with my heart and I had to apologize . I that's what God did . He got involved with my heart and I had to apologize .
Speaker 1I mean we probably have tons of stories like that , yeah , of things . I mean it wasn't a super long period because when I came around , I came around and then I ran with it . I ran . I'm not that guy that you go into church and I'm sitting at home , ain't no way Okay .
Speaker 1I remember the first church when we moved to Washington DC area . Remember the first church when we moved to Washington DC area ? You joined a church without me and you didn't know that we should do that as a couple . I came the next Sunday and I joined it , but I didn't want to be there and then a real estate client invited me to another church and that's where we got .
And that's where they begin to teach you all of these principles and I'm telling you when I got hold of the place that I was supposed to be and I could understand the word of God you had to pray for me no more , because I'm going to lead this thing all the way into the end zone , and I really believe that there are men who are going to do that as well .
Speaker 1He might be struggling right now . He might be struggling in between the world and the word of God . He might not have had an example , but there's greatness on the inside of him . I would tell women don't give up , men don't give up , Men don't give up on your marriage . Don't throw in the towel , don't quit . Better days are ahead .
Speaker 2I'm so glad that we didn't . I'm so glad that I didn't give up on you . I'm so glad you didn't give up on me because we were searching . That's why I joined that church , because I was just I was . I knew our life wasn't the way that I wanted it . Okay , I'm making steps . I need you know , I need God in my life . I need help . But the fact that you came behind me you know what I mean and found I could have been like well , you go to that church and I'm going to go to this church .
Speaker 1Right . Well , I know , and that's what I'm saying I know everybody's situation is different and their arms are too short to box with God . So I think the principles , maybe their situation , is like well , I've been believing for my husband for five years . I ain't man . I pray the grace of God over you , the peace of God , don't give up . Don't give up yet .
Speaker 1Number four is this Stop looking for an easy way out . Stop looking for an easy out . Five keys to saving a broken marriage Stop looking for an easy out . You know there's nothing new under the sun . Satan is a master deceiver and he's always wanting you to feel like you made a mistake . I shouldn't have married you . We got married too young . I should have married somebody else . I never should have been married . I should have stayed single , shouldn't have kids , I shouldn't quit school . It's always the same thing and I think sometimes we just got to say devil , you are a liar . You're a liar Because he lies and we start to look for an easy way out . If I was married to somebody else , things would be better . No , you would take you into the new relationship .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Um , you can't . Instead of looking for the grass to be green on the other side , you can begin to water your own grass . And so for us um , I think that was a big thing . We just divorced ourself from threatening divorce or using divorce as an option . I remember there would be times where I would leave the house like I ain't coming back . I ain't coming , I'm just going to stay out here . I'm going to drive in a circle if I got to , and I'm just . I'm just so mad , I can't stand you . I'm not going back home , I'm just going to stay out all night , right , right .
Speaker 1But I think everything changed when we took that threat off the table , and I think there's too many people that they get into a jam and they threaten . Well , I'm leaving . Where are you going ? You know like I want to get a divorce . I'm going to stay with my mama . No , stay there and stop putting each other on the couch . Ok , stop practicing divorce and figure out how to communicate .
Speaker 1You know , and I know , there are times where you know how you get mad at your spouse and like you in the same bed and you you sleeping on the edge of the bed I'm talking about over where the seam of the mattress is . I can't even stand you right now , I don't even . I mean , I just , I'm just , I don't even want to look at you , don't even share my covers with . But you got to learn to live through those things and apologize in the morning , apologize at night if you really want to be biblical and not let your son go down on your raft . But you got to learn Listen . Sometimes you got to apologize and you ain't even the one that should be apologizing .
Speaker 1You just need to apologize because it's drama . Whatever , I ain't got time for that . Life is too short it is so true , you know what I'm saying . Sometimes I'm like baby . I'm sorry .
Speaker 2Hey , after 24 years of marriage , like yeah , there's times I can speak for us both . We're just like . You're upset about something . You're upset with me about something . Look , baby , I don't even really understand . But I'm sorry , like I don't want to fight with you .
Speaker 1I'm sorry . Tell me what you want me to do Like , and I mean it . I want the people listening to this podcast right now to stop using the word divorce , stop talking about leaving and cut the word out of the dictionary . I'll tell a story about a couple , the first married couple that I ever did . Their names are the Geist whites . They had both been married before and on their wedding day they did a ceremony that I'd never seen since never seen before and never seen it since Most people in a wedding they have the unity candles , the unity saying . They got somebody singing Luther Vandross over in the corner . But on their wedding day , in the middle of the ceremony , they brought out the family dictionary and they put it on a podium and , hand in hand , they walked over to some scissors . They came to the family dictionary , they turned over to the page D , they look for the word divorce and , hand in hand , they cut the word divorce out of their family dictionary and they said we will not use this word in our relationship .
Speaker 1And 15 , 16 years later , they're still married and happy on today and I believe that's a word for somebody who's listening today that you got to stop threatening leaving . That's not an option . Ok , you said this was till death . Do you part Sickness , health , rich , poor we done done all that . We've been poor together , rich together . Health , rich , poor we done done all that . We've been poor together , rich together . We done been sick together , on top together , but we still together and there's something powerful about being together .
Speaker 1And so people come tell me well , I think I want to leave , I think I want to get a divorce . Has there been infidelity ? Okay . Has there been abuse , adultery ? Has there been abandonment ? If it has not been those things , okay , don't come telling me about some divorce .
Speaker 1If you went through two years of counseling , if you went , if you haven't read at least 100 books on marriage , if you haven't listened to at least 50 podcasts on marriage , if you went to a small group for at least three years , you know I posted a clip that says something like that , and there was somebody said well , you just think we have so much money to go to cancel . You ain't even ready for what I'm talking about you talking about money . I'm talking about your marriage . I'm talking about your best friend . I'm talking about the two that has become one .
Speaker 1I'm talking about your destiny and you're talking about money , okay , and it's amazing , the people that won't invest up front . But they rather get a divorce and you're going to pay one way or another . It's just like eating , okay . You're either going to eat healthy and you're going to go to Whole Foods and you're going to pay up front , or you're going to pay in a doctor's bill , but you're going to pay . You're going to pay one way or another . You're either going to pay by getting counseling or you're going to pay by child support , alimony and a broken home and broken dreams , so you're going to pay .
Speaker 1So why don't we just make an investment up front to cut off some of the other stuff that we have and invest in some good counseling ? Or find a good church , get into some marriage small group and work on the ministry of marriage . We can do it . And number five , last but not least , is that you got to put God first If you want a key to how to heal a broken marriage . God is the inventor of marriage and he's the one that will give you the power . Do you think our marriage would have been restored without God ?
Speaker 2No , like what percentage chance would it be restored ? First of all , I don't think we would have gotten married because I wouldn't have got saved and I wouldn't have . No , what percentage ? I'm going to say a zero percent . It was not working out without .
Speaker 1God , I would say zero percent If it wasn't for God we would not be together . We probably wouldn't be together .
Speaker 2Yeah , and that's unfortunate you guys , we need God .
Speaker 1We need God . We need God . We need a power that is bigger than ourselves , because we do not know exactly what we're doing . I don't care how many degrees you got , I don't care how much success you have , how much money you got in the bank . You need God .
Speaker 1There are some problems in the world that you do not have the answers to , because there is a God and , um , I believe , when you , when you give your heart to Jesus , there is an anointing , an empowerment of the Holy spirit that will come on your life to help you with every relationship , every business deal , all of your heart's desires , everything that is involved in your marriage . He would love to be a part of it . I love you for the way that you love God . I think the number one advice that we give to married people is marry somebody who loves God more than they love you , because many people look for somebody to love them , but the way that I love you is only because I love God . So I submit to you because I submit to him . I honor you because I really honor God , and I think that should be the number one quality that a believer should look for is that I'm looking for somebody who loves God more than they love me .
Speaker 2And I think for those people who are struggling in their marriage right now . If you don't love God more than your spouse , you got to get there .
Speaker 1You got to get the love of God , you got to get your relationship with God to be the number one thing in your life . I was there .
Speaker 2I was there . I loved you more than I love God , because my relationship with God was new . I didn't know the word , I didn't know anything , so I made you happy , but I know you . You made me happy , you gave me joy , you gave me security , you gave me peace , and it was ungodly . It was too much for you . You can't feel those shoes .
Speaker 1You can't do that . For me , that was too much pressure on you . There is somebody that is making their spouse feel shoes that only God can feel , and that's too much pressure on your marriage .
Speaker 2They can never be God and I could not love you the way you need to be loved without God in my life . I had to first love God , love myself , care for myself , and then I can give you the love that you deserve , the love that God created you to be able to receive .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , so good , so good . And so we want to pray for your marriages , because I just believe there's a ram in the bush . I just believe that if you don't quit , you don't throw in the towel , you don't give up . I believe God is at work . I believe there's more working for you than against you . If you're a believer , I believe that all things are working together for your good . God has this crazy way of taking your mess and giving you a message , taking your test like we've been through , and giving you a testimony .
Speaker 1My prayer is , for those of you all who are where we used to be , that in the soon coming years , god will give you a marriage ministry , just like he's given us and I'm praying Jesus name . That you will not give up , that you will have strength to endure , that you will go to God and humbly say God , I need you . And you will sense the confirming presence of the Lord , and you will sense God moving and giving you wisdom of how he is one who will give you beauty for ashes . He is the repairer of the breach . He wants to restore the broken things so that you give him the glory . And so we just declare the favor of God over you . We declare the restorative power of God over you . We pray that God gives you wisdom , he gives you breakthrough and he gives you this crazy ability to love the unlovely . And we would love to hear your testimony about what God is doing in your relationships and how he rest .