Hey , what's up everybody . Welcome to Doing Life with Ken and Tabitha so pumped to have you join us , be a part of our family here . And , of course , we got a great episode for you today Before we jump into today , because we're going to talk about spiritual warfare and marriage . You know there are some of you all who are married and you're in a fight right now and you're fighting with each other and you're not fighting the devil and we need to give you some equipment today to make sure that you fight the right enemy . Tiffany wrote in and she says you are both such a blessing .
Speaker 1When I came across your podcast on YouTube , my marriage was not in a safe place . I believe God placed your podcast in my life for such a purpose of strengthening my marriage . We are in such a good place because of you guys . I am forever grateful to our father , god , for sending ken and tap with the clay to my way . Thanks and god bless you . Oh , tiffany , we love you . Thank you so much for For writing us . Hey , that means the world to us if this podcast is a blessing to you . If you're new to our podcast , hit the subscribe button , hit the , hit the follow , hit the icon . If you can , and also if it's been good to you , make sure that you email us , write a review , share your story with us . Just know that your comments , they do mean the world to us and they are also a blessing to other people .
Speaker 1I want to jump into today , sweetheart , because I believe we know a little bit about this . You know type of the now we've been married for 26 years Always joke and say it's been the best 24 years of my life . The first two years was really bad . I had a plan to divorce her and I didn't think that our marriage did you think our marriage was gonna make it .
Speaker 2I did . I don't think I had enough depth in my thinking to think past . You know like where we were . But I did . I don't think I was like , oh you know , our marriage is going to fail .
Speaker 1You never thought that at all .
Speaker 2Never thought that I don't remember thinking those thoughts . I think I was more into thinking , man , am I going to be able to get up for work in the morning ? Okay , Kind of thing .
Speaker 1Well that's a whole story . Maybe we'll unpack all of it today , but here's the deal . We've been married 26 years and we're best friends now .
Speaker 1And it's not that our marriage is perfect . We have the same struggles and challenges today in some regard as we had back then , but we just deal with them completely different as it relates to temptations , the disagreements , the different perspectives , the tools of communication . And I'll just give you a bunch of answers right from the beginning . Number one you need a marriage mentor . You really do Every single person . It don't matter really how long you've been married . You should be reading a book about marriage , listening to a podcast on marriage . Marriage is the one thing that it's like when I get you , I got you and then I'm going to go work on something else , and that shouldn't be .
Speaker 2Marriage and parenting . It's like I had a kid and then I did that . There's no instructions . No , there's no instructions .
Speaker 1But for marriage specifically , it's almost like especially for a guy it's a chaser . So , as a man , it's like man I want to get with her and I'm giving you my best . I'm talking about I'm figuring out your favorite perfume . I'm figuring out your favorite place to eat . I'm figuring out everything that you like . I do all this to get you and then , after I get you , I say- I got her Subconsciously . I don't really say that , but what I do is then I go chase the career , chase success . I chase another endeavor .
Speaker 2It's like you check that off the list .
Speaker 1I chase something else , and marriage is one of those things that you can't be like I got her or I got him . It takes a consistent , continual investment to go from one level in marriage to another level of marriage . So back to my original advice we all need a marriage mentor . There's some mentorships through podcasts .
Speaker 1And we believe we've created this community . You know we don't know everything and actually we actually enjoy sharing our pain with you and our mistakes with you , because to me , that's a great form of mentorship If somebody can be transparent enough to share their mess , it can really teach me what to do but , more importantly , what not to do . And so we look at ourselves as , like , marriage coaches and marriage mentors . But you need a marriage mentor , even somebody who's in your church Okay , we got a podcast here but , even closer , somebody that you can sit down with counseling . You need somebody that you can say you know what I like ? Their relationship , what do you do in your relationship ? How have you been together for 40 years ? I just love . I want to learn . I want to learn . So if you are a life learner , let us know in the comments , because we're here for those who want to learn . They're coachable , they're teachable and all that stuff .
Speaker 1But anyway , our story we've been married for 26 years and the first two years was pretty bad . I have my perspective of why things was bad . I'll give you what I think the problem was . Problem was , I think , the first two years of our marriage . I feel like I didn't have a mindset that you were the only one for me , Meaning that if divorce came about , maybe it came about . If it didn't work out while I'm young , maybe I can start again . I didn't have an understanding of covenant . So if you're boyfriend and girlfriend , if it don't work out , you just move on .
Speaker 1And people come into the marriage and they still haven't twisted that knob . They stand on the altar and they say rich or poor , health , sickness till death , do us part . But even though they say it , it don't mean they mean that and I can honestly say , looking back , that I said it . And from my say , looking back , that I said it and from my mind as a young man , I kind of meant it , but then again , if it got too bad , meaning that I didn't hate divorce . See , one of the things you have to do is begin to hate what God hates and love what he loves . And the Bible says that he hates divorce . He doesn't hate divorced people . If you've been through a divorce , there's a second chance . Life goes on . There's no condemnation to them that are in Christ . Sometimes you just got to move on to you know it's okay .
Speaker 1I mean , if it was a mistake there's a new chapter here .
Speaker 1I guess what I'm saying is , but now I'm going to position myself to hate divorce , and so divorce for us is not an option . So that was my problem . Also , I think that I didn't love God like I should love God . I knew about God , but I didn't know God . I was a spiritual person , but I didn't submit myself to his word , and so it was impossible for me to love you if I didn't love him , and I couldn't honor you if I didn't honor him and I couldn't be faithful to you if I wasn't faithful to him . Everything changed for us when I started to really submit my life to the fullness of Jesus .
Speaker 2What he said . That's what I'm going to do .
Speaker 1Those are a couple of things . Anything what comes to your mind .
Speaker 2I mean , I think what you're expressing here is spiritual maturity , and I think marriage is for spiritually mature people , not that you have to be like , reach a certain level , but there should be a certain spiritual awareness that we have as believers , as man and woman coming together , entering into a spiritual covenant , a spiritual relationship , and I think that most people who get married don't enter in as spiritually mature people , meaning that I have a relationship with God , I understand the kingdom of God , I understand that I am a spirit , I have a soul and I live in this body . I understand that everything I see is only natural , but there is a whole world , a whole
unseen realm that is more real than what we can see . And if we don't understand that , that we wrestle not against flesh and blood , but against powers and principalities . If we don't understand that , you know , this unseen realm is so real , I don't know . I just feel like we enter into marriage and then , marriage being a spiritual transaction , right , we enter into kind of a war that we're not equipped to fight .
Speaker 1Well , that's the realization . So this is what you got to hear . This Marriage is God's idea and marriage is the one relationship that shows the world how much Jesus loves the church . So the church is actually called the bride of Christ . So when a man and a woman , the two become one . The reason that Jesus says , love your wife , like Christ loved the church and gave himself for it , is that Jesus understands that when a man loves his wife , that way is the closest picture that we can show the world of how much Christ loved the church . So the marriage picture in Jesus and the bride are very closely intertwined .
Speaker 1Now , the reason that there's spiritual warfare and if you don't understand warfare , marriage is God's idea . Family is something that's important to God , the foundation of the family , especially with the men being in the house . Fathers need to be in the home , Marriages need to stay together . The reason that the enemy attacks it at the root because if you can take the man out of the house , you can throw off the children . If you can break up the marriage , you can throw off the family .
Speaker 2Come on .
Speaker 1If you can throw off the family , you can throw off the nations . You can literally shift the entire culture by just attacking the core of that which God's created . So when you get married , like when you're dating , you don't have a target on your back . Like that I'm talking about . People can date for 15 years , live together , but when you say I do , you've now entered into a spiritual relationship that Satan hates , because God instituted it .
Speaker 1That's right , and because Satan hates it , there is demons that are released to destroy your marriage . Now , that's why the marriage rate is like at 50% , because a lot of people are in a battle and they don't even know they're in a battle . Then there are some people they're in a battle , but they don't know how to use their weapons to fight in a battle .
Speaker 1You should be glad you listened to this podcast today because we're going to help you realize that , as a married person , that you are in a spiritual battle and the weapons of your warfare are not carnal , they're not natural , but they're mighty , through God , to the pulling down of strongholds . And if you want to win in the battle of marriage , you have to understand how to use the weapons that are spiritual weapons that God has given you to win a spiritual battle .
Speaker 2Yeah , it's so good , you know . So I think about these weapons , I mean , I think about the tactics of the enemy that he uses to drive apart , to tear apart marriages . I think the number one thing would be and I'm just going to say I think is division , because if you divide , you can conquer . And so what he does is he turns husband against wife , wife against husband . We point the finger to each other , adam and Eve in the garden , we blame each other for whatever's going on , but you know who ? The real culprit is , the one who started it all , the enemy , the devil , satan himself . And so in marriage , you know , one of the tools of overcoming in marriage is standing united together , no matter what Like . Okay , you get on my nerves , okay , we disagree , but I still love you , we're still united , we're still standing together that nothing is going to separate us and our unity together .
Speaker 1So let me say it this way it's not me against you , it's us against the devil . Yes , all right , let's say it again , it's not me against , it's not husband versus wife , right , and in some people's home that's how it feels . You've created a culture where it's man against woman and it's never man against woman , husband against wife . It's us the claders against the devil .
Speaker 1Whatever your family name is , it's you against the enemy and you got to keep the enemy underneath your feet . But when you're immature , the enemy plays off of your feelings , your trauma that you have not resolved , your misconceptions , unforgiveness , bitterness . He will use all of your immaturity to make you attack the person that you said you would love for the rest of your life . And that's where we were and that's where our marriage was headed for divorce . I was so serious about this , I told my dad , I said I'm going to divorce her .
Speaker 1And you know , I started preparing family members you know , I felt like I made a mistake , like we got married too young . I felt like I married the wrong person . You know I felt like you know , we got married young . I think you were 23 and I was 21 . And it just felt like , okay , I made a mistake . All my single friends are out there and they're having a good time , and here I am trying to drag you along in life , and you were battling depression in those days .
Speaker 1And I didn't know how to deal with a woman who wouldn't get out of the bed , and then you wasn't there for me . And then , because you wasn't there for me , sexually then I get more frustrated . And then I begin to hold away . So we did all of the classical dumb stuff that you can do in marriage , and I just want to call it what it is , cause if you're doing this stuff , it's just dumb stuff . You just hurting yourself . That's dumb .
Speaker 2It's stuff we tell our kids I'm going to weaponize it , yeah , yeah , and I'm going to withhold from you , like that's going to help me . No , that's dumb , Because all the dumb stuff that we do , like arguing , fighting , disagreeing , you know , yelling at each other , not being kind to each other , rolling your eyes , having a bad attitude I mean we tell our children don't do that , but we're over here acting like two-year-olds to each other and we're grown people .
Speaker 1So the silent treatment did a lot of that . You know that's where you just don't talk to punish the other person . It's really a form of manipulation . There will be times I would leave the house and I'll be driving around like I'm not going back . I'm not going back . I mean , I'll be so upset , just so frustrated . I'm not going back . I will go out with my single friends , take my wedding ring off .
Speaker 2Wow .
Speaker 1You know , go have a good time , then dread going back home , you know so . Weaponizing sex , silent treatment , manipulation what else was there ? Flirting with other women , being with other women in an inappropriate way ? A long time ago , really , really wrong . All of those things are what we call toxins , poisons that destroy relationships . It really kills it , and you know , the thing about it is that all of those things are the opposite of the vows that I took . Yeah , and what marriage is all about ?
Speaker 2It sounds like you were angry . Were you just angry and trying , oh , I'm going to show her , I'm going to go out and do this . Was it anger ? Yeah , wow , you're just now realizing that Just like yeah , I'm like wow , because you were doing all that stuff and I had no idea .
Speaker 1Yeah , a little bit of anger , a little bit of resentment and this is what's in homes today . Just a little bit of anger , a little bit of resentment , a little bit of blame shifting . You know there are married people today that they don't like where they are in life . So they blame who they married . They blame them that they didn't go to school , they didn't take the job . They just blame them Because many times what you do is you just attack the person that's closest to you .
Speaker 1So when you don't like who you are , you kind of deflect the responsibility of what you're experiencing onto somebody , and the easiest culprit is that person that's called your wife or your husband and it's so sad . The person that actually took your last name , that you share a bed together . That's the person that you attack the most . Let's just talk about it for a second , I mean there's nothing new under the sun .
Speaker 2It's true . I was just thinking because I'm like , wow , you know , what could we have done different in that time ? Because you were out and it seemed like you were angry and you were just kind of stirring up this huge kind of like a growing ball of just whatever anger , and you were just growing and growing and growing in that anger , doing all of these things , and I was at home probably just growing in depression , you know ,
didn't really see a way out . I was stuck . I'm like what would we have done different ? I probably think we would begin with communication . We would begin with really sitting down and talking to one another and you saying , hey , this is how I feel , but really being open with your , you know , opinions .
Speaker 1You think that would have ?
Speaker 2helped . You know , I think it probably would have been a start Because , even though I was depressed , I still , you know , I still loved you , I still cared , I was still pretty smart . You know , I was just battling with this depression . It could have at least opened up my eyes to see where you were , because I had no idea .
Speaker 1But can we talk about that for a moment ? I love telling our story and . I try to be really real with making me seem like a horrible person . You don't articulate yourself that way , but I've heard you say this in conferences before . Just to make sure the hearers understand balance , because people will hear it like you're such a bad guy . She was depressed . Why didn't you help her ? But how that person feels when they're immature is that I've been abandoned .
Speaker 1You're not there for me , you're not even talking to me , you're not having sex with me , you're not doing anything that a wife is supposed to do .
Speaker 1So let's just try to , and I think that's the thing . I think sometimes people take sides . What I've always tried to do , even politically , is I want to hear the other side , and then I want to hear this side , and then I want to make an informed decision . So , yes , I was bitter , I was angry , I was resentful , I was unfaithful , I was wrong . Right , but it wasn't just because you had no part to play in it at all .
Speaker 2Yeah , absolutely , and I think it wasn't just so for me . I was sick , I was depressed . But there are other couples who go through cancer . They go through major life challenges , health challenges , and where one of the spouse is just kind of incoherent the spouse is really struggling and that other spouse , the one that's left to take care of the kids and the family and pay the bills and go to work and do everything you can feel abandoned . You feel even rejected at times , like you are alone and you got married to live life with this person . But now all of a sudden , like you're alone and you have to face those feelings .
Speaker 1I don't want to get stuck there . I would say that that was a long time ago . That was 24 years ago , and since then we've went through battles where I've really been able to show up . Those people need help . They need ministry and I think it's important that you say you know what ? Okay , I had a spouse die . I've been caring for a spouse for three or four years . I didn't expect that I need counseling . I need help . That's a traumatic event .
Speaker 2Right .
Speaker 1And so I think there's a little grace , but there's also like , okay , what can I do to help kind of get through ?
Speaker 2that the point is . It's not an excuse to do wrong . It's not an excuse to do wrong . Number one and number two there is every chance in the world to change your situation and overcome Right right .
Speaker 1So here's a few things that we've learned about marriage over the years . Number one marriage is God's idea . Family is God's idea .
Speaker 1And this is why Satan fights it so hard . We said that marriage is not just a contract , but it's a covenant , and when I was immature I didn't realize that this was a covenant . God brought this together and so divorce is not an option . We got to work this out . Covenant relationships are . God is at the center of it . It's a God-centered agreement . Marriage is for the mature , it's not for the immature . So if you're not married and you're dating , thinking about marrying somebody , you got to figure out is this person spiritually mature ? And that's what I wasn't . Emotionally mature , that's what you wasn't . Those two things together , a recipe for disaster . So it's for the mature . It really is . And I would say if you're dating somebody unmature , wait till they grow up .
Speaker 2Just wait .
Speaker 1You're going to save yourself some drama .
Speaker 2Absolutely .
Speaker 1Marriage is a spiritual relationship , it's not just a natural one . Okay , and number five not everything you see is not everything there is to be seen . And so Ephesians 6 and 12 , listen , it says this for we don't wrestle against flesh and blood , but against principalities , powers , rulers of darkness of this age , against spiritual hosts of wickedness in heavenly places . Therefore , take up the whole armor of God that you may be able to withstand in the evil day and having done all to stand . Stand , therefore , having gird your waist with truth , having put on the breastplate of righteousness , having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace . Above all , take the shield of faith which will be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one . Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the spirit , which is the word of God .
Speaker 1So I want to give you some things to really help out our viewing audience and those who are listening to really help you win in war and to win in the spiritual battle that inevitably is going to be a part of every relationship and I kind of want to expose by giving some tactics of the enemy . These are common tactics of the enemy . So the Bible says that there's nothing new under the sun . So the reason that we share a lot of our stuff that we've been through is because we know there's a whole lot of people going through the same the battles that we face .
Speaker 1You can put a different day , a different label on it , but it's pretty much the same . So the good news is , in a community that's transparent , you can share your battles . Tell us , I mean , in your comments , what are you going through , how are you overcoming it . But here's just some common tactics that we've seen from our relationship , other couples that we've helped , and we want to help you avoid them . Number one is going to be division through distraction and busyness . Division through distraction and busyness . You know , mark , chapter 3 , verse 25 says a house divided against itself can't stand . So one of the tactics of the enemy is to simply get the wife to turn on the husband and the husband to turn on the wife . He'll use anything that he can . He'll cause the wife to have a best friend that she goes to more than she goes to her man .
Speaker 1He'll cause the wife to have a best friend that she goes to more than she goes to her man . He'll cause the man to want to go to the YMCA and play basketball with a bunch of dudes more than go to his wife . He will use distractions past trauma that's been unresolved . He'll use anything that he can to get us distracted , busy , so that we will divide .
Speaker 2Busy ? How about those of us with children ? Soccer practice , track and field , ballet dancing , ninja warrior training ? I mean we have done so much right . Band praise and worship all of these things and it's like , okay , well , you have to go do this and I have to go do that and at the end of the day , we're just spent and we've been so busy that it's like we don't have time to get to know one another .
Speaker 1So what's the answer there ?
Speaker 2I think the answer is to streamline your life .
Speaker 1Make it as simple as you possibly can . You don't have to go to every event . Have your kids in every sport . Yes , don't tear up your family . Yes , don't tear up your marriage .
Speaker 2We have a daughter now . She has a track meet today . It's in the evening , they're traveling too and they won't be home until 9.30 at night . We have to go and pick her up tonight .
Speaker 1When is that ?
Speaker 2You don't know that tonight you didn't . You don't know that . But yeah , we have to pick her up at nine 30 tonight at the school . And I told her yesterday morning . I said , baby , I know you have a track meet and I'd always remind her . I've told her this before , but I remind her . I'm like hey , we will be there anytime you want us to . So just you know , just so you know we'll be there . Is there any track meets coming up that you want us to be at ? And she was like no , I really don't care , mom , you know , just at districts and regionals and things like that . Then I want you to be there . And I was like , okay , babe , you know , got it . But that is a way of like communicating with our children . Hey , mommy and daddy , we can't be at every single game . I mean , we would like to , but we can't tell me which ones you would like me to be there for . And it just helps us , it does .
Speaker 1There's a lot of parents that feel like they got to be there for every single thing . But if you get a whole lot of kids , that becomes extremely hard and to still be sane . So you can ask your kids a question , because some of them don't care , some of them don't even want you to be there . We got a daughter . She don't really want us to be there and I'm like , well , I ain't going to come if you don't want me to be there .
Speaker 1I got a bunch of other stuff I could do , but you would see that it creates a conversation that's healthy . But I think we could just stay on this one forever , because the division piece is huge , because with division , the reason there's division is because somebody's not bowing the knee , somebody's not submitting . There's a leadership , there's a communication issue . Fight for unity . Here's the second tactic is bitterness , unforgiveness and resentment . That's a huge a plan of the enemy is to use bitterness , unforgiveness and resentment .
Speaker 1Ephesians 4.26 says don't let the sun go down while you're angry and don't give a place to the devil's foothold . And so conflict is normal and actually it should be a little bit more embraced than it is . Like we're pretty strong personalities which there's going to be conflict at some point . It's your job , there's probably going to be conflict . So it's not like conflict avoidance , it's like how do you have tools ? So when there's conflict it doesn't escalate to the place of disrespect , dishonor and tearing each other down . But I think sometimes we go through things in our relationships and then there's this resentment and this undertone , betrayal , like unforgiveness thing that we carry , and it's the plan of the enemy to tear it apart .
Speaker 2It really is , but forgiveness has to be something that you just let go all day , every day . It's like someone came up to Jesus and said well , how many times should we forgive ? And Jesus basically said all day , every day , if we paraphrase it , but that just has to be something that we just choose to live a lifestyle of forgiveness . It's almost like before you get married .
Speaker 1You should actually have a class , a forgiveness class , and just be taught how you're going to have to forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive and forgive . And you know
, 1 Corinthians 13 talks about the agape love of God . And one of the definitions of the agape love of God is that it keeps no records of a suffered wrong . And if you're the person that as soon as you get in an argument , you go back five years , well , you did this and you said that and remember how you was . I mean , I couldn't imagine if you're bringing up stuff like I was , I was not crazy . Like 23 years ago , I was not who I am today , but if you keep bringing that back up and that's 23 , 24 years old , that's just crazy .
Speaker 2The problem is it's weighing you down , not your spouse . Unforgiveness , yeah , unforgiveness is weighing you down .
Speaker 1It really is .
Speaker 2You're the one with all that junk in your trunk and all the baggage . The other person has moved on . They're living their life and so you've got to forgive .
Speaker 1It would be different if we didn't need forgiveness ourselves , right , if we ?
Speaker 2were perfect and the person we married was not perfect .
Speaker 1Then we might have a reason to hold on to something . But the fact that we've been forgiven a whole lot . The Bible says now you got to forgive a whole lot as well .
Speaker 2If you were perfect , you wouldn't have married that imperfect person , because you would have saw their imperfections in the first place and said this ain't the one for me .
Speaker 1Well , you would have just married yourself . I think that's what a lot of married people they should do . They should just marry themselves , Give yourself a ring and just stay single . No , I'm just playing .
Speaker 2Don't give people ideas .
Speaker 1Number three is temptation and sexual immorality .
Speaker 2It's a tactic of the enemy .
Speaker 1You know , john 10.10 says that the thief comes to steal , to kill and destroy , and in our day and time , one of the ways that he does that is that if you're married , he wants to put somebody else in your life that has the qualities that your spouse doesn't , and then he uses that to lure you away . That's what temptation is . By definition , it is a lure , just like if you go fishing , you're using a lure to lure fish to yourself . Satan uses a lure . So it would be somebody who has some muscles that your husband doesn't have , has a job that he doesn't have . Vice versa , you know , that person is more spiritual and I just don't get this at home and then Satan will make sure to put somebody in your life that meets a need that really God is the only one that can meet that need . So we got to come to the place where we don't give into temptation and sexual immorality .
Speaker 2Wow , that was a mouthful .
Speaker 1Number four would be spiritual apathy or disconnection . Okay , spiritual apathy or disconnection this is just a tactic of the enemy , where one or both spouses may feel spiritually dry , distant from God , discouraged . Yeah , and I think that there are too many people . You believe in God but you haven't come to the place where you live on fire for God , or you've not come to the place where you can live on fire for God through all of the different seasons of life . Stuff puts out your fire . You're excited about God one day and then unsure the next day . You live your life on this way and that really affects your marriage because it's a spiritual thing . You got to stay in the Word , you got to stay built up spiritually and there's not a lot you got to do Go to church , read the Bible , hang out with other people who got a good relationship with God , get junk out of your life . Okay , do that and go through the different seasons and let God grow you . It really will be . It's a tactic of the enemy apathy , spiritual disconnection .
Speaker 2Grow through the seasons , grow through life , don't just go through life .
Speaker 1Yeah , Number five . The fifth tactic would be miscommunication and misunderstanding . You know , 1 Corinthians 14 , 33 teaches us that God is not the author of confusion . And once again , before marriage , you should have a forgiveness class . Then you should have a communication class where you can just sit down and talk about , because talking is not communication , Communication is . What have I said was what I said understood . And then what they said back to me , did I understand them ? And it's this understanding , it's not just talking . And many times married people , we talk over each other , but I think there's a lot of married people that their marriages are suffering just because they don't know how to talk about their fears , their deep feelings , their past , their vision where they're going , how they feel about it . And if we could just become like experts .
Speaker 1I will tell you take like the next 90 days . Read everything you can on just how to communicate effectively .
Speaker 2Communication and I think we have to truthfully communicate . I think a lot of people get into arguments and they're arguing about something and that's not even the reason why they're arguing . You're just talking around an issue , but there's a root to this argument . There's a root to the issue . Like you're arguing over , you know , trash on the floor , but that's not really . I mean , that's not a big deal . Why are you really ?
Speaker 1arguing . What do you think the argument is , instead of trash ?
Speaker 2I think sometimes it's unforgiveness , bitterness , something that you said . Well , you said this to me last week and I can't believe you said that I felt like this and you said it in front of everyone . That's an unresolved issue . You know you got your feelings hurt or maybe something was said and you were wrong and you didn't even address it . You didn't even or you talked about it and didn't really truthfully communicate how it made you feel , how you're still . Hey , I'm still .
Speaker 2I know we talked about this , what you said last week , but I'm still upset about it . And I know you asked me for forgiveness . I know that it's wrong for me to feel this way , but I'm still upset about it . And I know you asked me for forgiveness . I know that it's wrong for me to feel this way , but I just I don't know why , but I'm just still upset . Can you talk with me , help me through this ? Maybe you know I just need . There are times that I'll come to you and you come to me . Baby , I'm wrong , I know this , but here's how I feel , this is my perspective . And then you come and you're like well , you know , acknowledge , man , I hate that you feel that way , but can I tell you the word . Can I build you up ?
Speaker 1Can I tell you what God says ? I don't know last week or something like that , and I actually thought that the way that you felt was was I didn't understand why you felt that way but I did speak to it .
Speaker 1No , don't look at it like this , look at it like this . And you left feeling better . I left feeling a little confused , like why would you even feel that way ? But I think that's just part of this communication piece and it's just like and then you just be like well , whatever .
Speaker 1I mean , just because a person has a feeling doesn't mean that's who they are . So if you're , if you got to create a safe space and that's why I didn't even bring it up I mean it's the first time we've talked about it , right when a person can say I feel like I don't like you . That don't mean you don't like me , right ? It just means that you're having a feeling . Today , let's talk about that feeling and so I don't know . I mean that's hard , that's hard , but you got to create a space , have a conversation and say , oh , because they told me a feeling . Now you've marked them . That that's the way . I mean you can have all kinds of feelings . That don't mean they're true or that you're going to act on them , or that they didn't come from the enemy .
Speaker 2But this stuff is . This is why we've been married for 26 years , but this is what we teach our children as well . Like , our children sit down , they're three-year-olds , four-year-olds , they're all teenagers now . But year olds , four year olds , they're all teenagers now . But they're feeling some what kind of way and in some kind of mood . Hey , babe , you know , why are you acting like that ? I don't know . No , I teach them no . Well , how do you feel ? Okay , well , I just feel like my stomach hurts and I haven't been feeling well and I have a headache . Well , okay , yeah , yeah , you're going to have a bad attitude because you don't feel well . Why don't you communicate that with me next time ? I'm gonna help you now . Let me get you some water . Let me make you some soup . Here's some vitamins . Yeah , like you know , we teach our children to communicate it's so good , so good .
Speaker 1Um , I got two more here isolation and emotional distance . You know , I think it's a huge tactic of the enemy . Um , just , you're doing this by yourself and I know that's for somebody . They're just , they're by themselves . They haven't talked to anybody about what's going on in their marriage .
Speaker 2I hate that , though I feel for that person .
Speaker 1Emotional distance . You can't go at some stuff alone . You go at it better with a team . And the last one I'll give you is generational curses or patterns , and the enemy often attacks through past wounds , family cycles , learned dysfunctions , anger , addiction , infidelity . I'm studying something lately I've heard that even addictions can have a genetic code to them , meaning that it was in your family line . It's not just a spiritual thing , it can be a genetic thing as well . Whatever it is , you could say it was running in my family until it ran into me .
Speaker 2That's right .
Speaker 1And if it ran into me , it's going to run out because the buck stops here and so , when it comes to generational curses , you've never seen a healthy marriage Okay , you're going to have to deal with that . That's going to be a tactic of the enemy . You came from a very destructive relationship . You saw your mom do everything for your dad , and then you expect your wife to do everything for you Okay , dead . And then you expect your wife to do everything for you Okay , you don't have to talk this out . There's just generational things and patterns that , if you don't get on the same page , the enemy will use as a tactic of spiritual warfare to hinder your relationship .
Speaker 2Yeah , so good .
Speaker 1And so here's our final truth , for today , you're not fighting each other . You're fighting for each other , for we wrestle not against flesh and blood . The battle is not with your husband
and it is not with your wife . It is with the devil himself . He comes to steal , kill and destroy . If you learn how to bind the enemy and loose the will of God , your relationship can be better , and we are witnesses of that we are your proof of that , and so our prayer is that , man , this was a good podcast for you , you got some value out of that .
Speaker 1We are your proof of that , and so our prayer is that , man , this was a good podcast for you , you got some value out of it , and it's time to wage war . We've had seasons where we've had to go in our house , get out some anointing oil , kick the devil out of our atmosphere and just ask God to send holy angels and just sanctify and anoint everything . And I'm just telling you , there has to be a hero in home , and you might as well start today . So we're out of time for today , but we pray that this was impactful to you . If it was , please let us know . I wanna hear in the comments what was your main takeaway from today . What did you get out of it ? What did God show you in it ? Write into us , leave a review , just let us know . Tell . Leave a review , just let us know . Tell your story . Don't just say , man , I like this podcast . How has God used this as an avenue of blessing for you ? If you're new to our podcast , hit the subscribe button . Hit the icon . If you're listening via Apple or Spotify . Hit the follow right now so that you can know as soon as a new episode is released .
Speaker 1We drop new content every Thursday at 3 pm . We would love for you to come to a live conference . Have you heard about our conference ? We have a conference in the beginning of November , which is an encounter conference . We have all these masterclasses . We have main sessions . We have I'm talking about people get healed , set free , delivered , gifts are activated , people receive prophetic words . We might even do a marriage , a marriage masterclass there . So we would love for you to come For even do a marriage , a marriage , a masterclass there . So we would love for you to come . For more information about that , you can check out our show notes . There's a link in the show notes . Also , if you go to Ken and Tabithacom , there's a lot of books and merch and all kinds of things that we have . We wrote some new books , a new book just for you . We've got a bootcamp over there , some masterclasses . I think you'll find some information there that brings value to your life .