When the World Shakes, Your Marriage Has to Stand Strong

Last week was heavy. From the tragic attack on Charlie Kirk to the anniversary of 9/11, I couldn’t stop thinking about how fragile life really is—and how vital it is that our marriages are unshakeable no matter what storms come.

In this episode of The Supported Wife Society, I’m sharing three anchors that help tighten up the foundation of your marriage: unity of vision, shared leadership, and respect as your core currency. Because when your marriage is strong, your family is strong. And when families are strong, communities are strong.

If you’ve been waiting for “a better time” to pour into your marriage, this is your reminder: the time is now.

00:00 Introduction and Heavy Reflections

02:07 The Importance of Strong Marriages

04:24 Unity of Vision in Marriage

07:01 Shared Leadership in Relationships

09:55 Respect as a Core Currency

15:37 Final Thoughts and Community Support

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Transcript

0:00

Hi friends. Welcome back to The Supported Wife Society. I hope you're having a good Monday, um, since that's when this comes out, but. I have really been sitting here all week and just thinking about what I wanted to release on Monday, and I had other episodes prerecorded and ready to go, and none of it felt right to me. Um, I think it's been, obviously last week was, or you know, like this past week has just been so heavy on, on a myriad of friends, and I don't want this to be like some big. A political episode or anything like that, but I, I would be remiss not to mention anything that's been going on. And so, you know, in the last week, um, the videos have come out, you know, of Irena being stabbed on that train and the amount of people who just watched and didn't do anything. And then, um, Charlie Kirk being assassinated on Wednesday. Nine 11 was on Thursday. Like it's, it was a heavy week. And I, I felt different. I, I mean, for two days I didn't eat, I didn't sleep. It's just, it hit me, it hit me different. And watching, watching these videos of, um, Erica Kirk, um. You know, walking her husband to Air Force too with, uh, vice President Vance and just thinking about her children and, um, you know, the fact that, you know, she will, she'll never get to decompress her day with him. They'll never say a prayer together again. They'll never, um, they won't get to raise their children together. All of these things and, you know, and then thinking about all of these. Victims of nine 11 who, same thing. They got up, they went to work, they boarded a plane, and they also were robbed of the chance of watching their children grow up and growing old with the person that they love. And so I've just been thinking so much about the state of our marriages and how absolutely important it is that we build strong foundations in our marriage that. That are just completely unshakeable no matter what life throws at us. And so this isn't going to be like the world's longest episode, but I do want it to, I want it to encourage you because this is like, it's a heavy week. It's just, it's a heavy week. And maybe, and maybe you're not ready yet to talk about it, but I, I really do think that, um. Strong family units, like strong, strong marriages are, are the foundation of a strong community, right? I think that when the marriage has cracks, when there's, there's something going on, um, I think everything else kind of follows, right? I think that. Right. When the marriage is struggling, the family struggles, and when the family unit struggles, you see struggles in schools. You see struggles in communities, and I don't want that. I just, I just don't want that. I want, I want couples that are so ridiculously in love with each other, that your kids are grossed out by how much you love each other. I want them to feel so secure. In their home because their parents are secure in the relationship. Right? When the parents are secure in the relationship, the kids feel secure, the kids feel secure. When they see this love modeled, they feel secure. And when they feel secure, they're showing up differently in school and they, and they're showing up differently in the community. And typically I find like parents who, you know, couples who are. In love and secure in their relationship. They're also going out and doing things in their community, and there's just this, it's a different sense. It's a different, it's a different feeling. And so I want that. I, I want that. And so I just wanna give you like three, three kinda anchors to like tighten up the foundation of your marriage. Right. So the first is to have this unity of vision. I think the world is very noisy. Um, I'm recording this, I mean, immediately after the press conference that Governor Spencer Cox gave after they arrested, um, the alleged assassin, um, and I'm gonna say alleged, my years of journalism tells me we used the word alleged. Um, so they've arrested the alleged assassin. And so I say all that. To say, like in his press conference, he was talking about just the fact that we are not meant to consume everything we consumed in the last week we're we are not meant to do that as humans. We're not hardwired for that. And so he was like, you know, turn your phone off. Go touch grass. Go hug a neighbor. Serve your community. And all I could think about was the vision that you have as a family. I think the world is so noisy. The world tells you. To find a different spouse that, you know, open marriages are okay and cheating is okay. And if he's not serving you, then leave him. Like, the world is so noisy. It's so noisy, but couples who know what they're building, right, they don't get, they don't get pulled apart by the storms that come and they will come. But do you have a shared vision of family values? What are your family values? Do you talk about them? Do you have the same financial vision? What are the goals? What are you, what's the budget? Are you guys comfortable spending the same amount? Do you like, do you have the same vision for parenting, for community, for your faith? Like what does that all look like? What does service look like in your family? What, what is the vision and are you and your spouse aligned on that vision? If your, if you don't know your spouse's vision for the future, if you don't know what your partner wants the future to look like, if you don't know all of their core family values, if you don't know their philosophy on finances, if you don't know those things, sit down and have the conversation this week, please. Please sit down and have the conversation, because if you do not have a shared vision, you are going to grow apart. You are going to grow apart. So sit down and have the conversation, figure out what you guys value together and work toward it together. And then the next thing to just kind of help the, the foundation here is shared leadership. I one person should not be carrying the entire weight of the family and or one person should not be carrying the weight of an entire ar. Like it just shouldn't. Okay? One, one person should not be the default parent. There shouldn't be this decision fatigue. There shouldn't be those things. You guys are a partnership. You, you got married, you are a partnership, and so see where you can. See where you can delegate. See where you can share responsibility a little bit more and have that conversation. Have that conversation. You should not be carrying the entire mental load for your family, my friend. You should not also then be the default parent, women or adults, I guess as a whole. I mean, we make like 35,000. Decisions a day, obviously most of them on a subconscious level. And so if, if you are doing that, you know, just on a regular basis, but then you're also making the decisions for the kids and the household and the bills and the activities, like no wonder you're stressed. And so you have to share responsibility if you want your marriage slash you have to share leadership and responsibility with each other when. When you step back, I promise your husband is going to step up and it's gonna create a space where you can start to receive more and your marriage will rebalance, it will recalibrate itself. And that's what you need for a healthy marriage. You need, you need balance. And it's not, it's not gonna be 50 50 every time. It's not gonna be as perfect division of responsibility. It's never gonna look like that. It's never gonna look like that. And that's okay. There are gonna be times where your spouse is giving more than you can and vice versa, and that is okay. There are things that you are naturally better at than your spouse and vice versa, and that is okay. I am not saying this has to be a clear 50 50 division of thing, your keeping score. This thing that I'm doing takes up X amount of time, so therefore you need to do stuff that takes up X amount of time. That's not what I'm saying. What I am saying though is share the leadership. Share the responsibilities, share the parenting decision. Share those things, share them. Remind your children that they don't have to walk past their dad and then come find you to get a question answered. Their dad is a perfectly capable human being, and you need to model that for your children. You get to model that for your children. Okay? The children have made you the default parent because you made yourself the default parent share the responsibility. And then lastly to, to they really shore up the foundation is respect as a core currency. Desire and intimacy die when marriage slips into management mode. When you stop respecting each other, when you stop trusting each other. You have to learn how to respect your spouse more. You have to learn how to trust your spouse more so that you can rebuild, attraction, and make your marriage the safest place to land. If your marriage currently is not the safest place for you, if it is not the safest relationship for you, you have a respect problem. I wanna encourage you to start treating each other differently. Start respecting each other a little bit more. Respect the decisions that you make, respect the opinions, the values, the experience, respect it all more, respect it all more. I really, this week has really just highlighted to me how fragile time is and how fragile life is. And I, what I don't want to have happen is that we, we just go on in whatever mode we've been operating in and thinking about, oh, well, I'll deal with it later, or we'll fix our marriage. When the kids are older. They're not, it's not a priority right now. You don't, you just don't know. You just don't know. And so. I really wanna encourage you like to, to tighten up the marriage now, to make the marriage a priority. Now to put you and your spouse first now.'cause you just, you just don't know when. When things could shift, when something could happen that rocks your court. And it doesn't have to be a tragedy like this, right? Could you guys withstand right now? One of you getting sick, could you withstand one of you losing your job? Could you withstand losing a parent? And it not shaking you guys to your core, like, could you handle, I mean, a foreclosure? I mean, I don't know what, could you handle a car accident? Like what? Whatever. We just don't know what is coming, and the only way to safeguard your relationship is to work on it now. Work on it right now. Put the effort in, now. Turn toward each other now so that you are ready. If and when something comes because it will, it, life is hard. Something will come. It cannot always be picture perfect and you have no trials at all. It's just, it's just not reality. And I would do you a disservice to say that you can live in sunshine and rainbows all the time and your life will be perfect and nothing will ever be hard. That is just. It's just not the reality of it. And so shore up your marriage now, tighten up the marriage. Now pour into each other and now because you just, you just don't know what is coming. None of us know what is coming, but I can rest assured and knowing Glen has my back 110% I know no matter what life throws at us. We're good and we've lived it. We have lived it for, I mean, six plus years now. We have been going through something so hard things that would and undo break up a lot of families, especially couples who are remarried. Glenn and I are, you know, I mean, this is, he's divorced. I'm divorced. That's a whole different story. As to why we both got divorced. They were for very justifiable reasons beyond both of our control. Um, however, however, the situation we're walking through, most couples do not last three years. That that's just the statistics. Like most couples do not Last three years, Glen and I are still radically obsessed with each other despite what is thrown our way, despite the fact that somebody. There's something going on that is actively trying to separate us. And because our marriage is so strong, because we focus on each other, because we are still dating each other, we're still laughing. We respect each other's decision and what we bring to the table and our ideas and our values, our marriage is good. It's good. Nothing, nothing can separate us, like short of one of us passing, nothing will separate. Glen and I. Okay. And so I want you to have the same level of assurance. I want you guys to be so obsessed with each other that no matter what comes, you're good, you're good, you're great. You still love each other, you're still laughing even when things are hard. That's what I want for you, and I don't want you to wait for a tragedy to decide to focus on the marriage. I want you to do it. Now, I don't have like some, you know, big. Big thing here other than focus on the marriage now, just pour into each other now. I would, I would be a bad person I guess if I didn't mention that. You know, the support of life societies open. We, you know, we had an incredible call this last week, um, really deep diving into the mental load and so that's up for people to watch already and. I am, I am so grateful for this community that we're cultivating and just the experiences that are happening in here. People were taking so many notes when we dove into the mental load and just what that looks like and that shared responsibility, that shared leadership. And so we talked about the way our brains are hardwired. It was just, it was such a great call. And so I wanna invite you to that space. If you're like, I need some support to shore up my marriage. I need some. I, I need help. I need community. I need people around me. Then that is the community for you. So there's a link in the show notes or just send me a message on Instagram. Um, also in the show notes, connect with me. Um, you could also hit like send fan mail in the show notes and that it's a text that comes directly to me. You can text me. So I, I really, I wanna encourage you to pour everything you have into your marriage because. It is the safest place for you. It should be the safest place for you. It should be the place where you can truly be yourself and to decompress and, and really just pour into each other. And if it's not, we have to fix it today. Right now we have to fix it. So I love you. I will be back with regularly scheduled stuff next week, but. I felt like this week was just too important to not address it. So I love you guys and I'll see you next week. Bye friends. Okay.