Why Your Body Shuts Down When You Don’t Feel Safe in Marriage

Join Lemon Price in this deep dive episode on The Supported Wife Society as she explores the hidden biological, spiritual, and relational reasons why women sometimes struggle to connect with their husbands. This video covers key topics such as the roles of cortisol and oxytocin in intimacy, the impact of feeling unsafe in one's feminine energy, and practical strategies to reset marriage dynamics.

Lemon shares her personal story, highlights scientific studies, provides actionable steps, and discusses the importance of respect and polarity in creating a healthy, balanced marriage. This episode aims to help women understand their body's wisdom and create a more connected, fulfilling relationship.

00:00 Introduction to The Supported Wife Society

00:30 Understanding the Root Causes of Disconnection

01:27 Personal Story: From Stress to Safety

04:51 The Science Behind Connection: Cortisol and Oxytocin

11:12 Practical Steps to Rebalance Your Marriage

18:05 Faith and Marriage: A Spiritual Perspective

21:07 Creating a Lasting Legacy

22:56 Practical Tools and Final Thoughts

Resources:

PubMed Article

Frontiers

Science Direct

eLife

Sage

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Enjoy the episode, everyone!

How can you be part of the movement to equip women?
1. Share the podcast!
2. Leave a 5-star review!

Thanks for listening!

If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to share this in your stories and tag me!  And don’t forget to subscribe, rate, and review the podcast.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi friend, welcome back to the Supported Wife Society. I'm your host, Lemon Price, and today we are doing a deep dive. This is not just another simple conversation about marriage or some quick fixes. This is literally about hidden biological, spiritual, and relational reasons why sometimes you want to connect with your husband, but you just can't. And here's the thing: it's not that you don't love him. It's not that you don't want intimacy with him. It's not even that you're withholding. What's really happening is that your body, your actual nervous system, and your brain chemistry is putting up the stop sign. And when women tell me, Lemon, I want to want him, but I just can't flip the switch. What I hear underneath of that is you don't feel safe enough in your feminine to let go. And that's not judgment. It's not weakness and it is not your fault. It is your body's wisdom. And so here's the truth I want you to really let sink in. When women aren't safe in their feminine, it is almost always because the man isn't rooted in his healthy masculine. And when that polarity gets out of balance, it doesn't just cause frustration. It literally spikes cortisol, it lowers oxytocin, it makes connection feel physically impossible. And so I'm gonna unpack all of this today. We're gonna look at the science, the story, spiritual roots, and some strategies. But first, I want you to just kind of hear my story because I've lived on both sides of this coin. So in my first marriage, I was the leader of everything. If something needed to be done, I did it. If a decision had to be made, I made it. Bills, it was on me. We fostered a teenage girl on me. Scheduling, emotional management, crisis management, all me. On top of the fact that I was dealing with a person who had become addicted to opioids. And so at the time, I was just like, I have to hold this all together. And I almost wore it like a badge of honor that I was keeping it all together for so long. I was capable, I was efficient, I was resourceful. I could hold it all together. But what I didn't realize was that every time I stepped in, every time I took control, my nervous system was staying in stress mode. And so I was living in a low-grade cortisol drip day after day. My body was always scanning, always bracing, and always prepared for the next shoe to drop. And you can't soften into desire when your brain is screaming like, danger, danger, danger. The hardest part is I thought something was wrong with me. Like maybe, you know, I'm like, at one point, I think I thought I was like an asexual person. And like this is just how it's supposed to be. However, my life with Glenn is completely different. With Glenn, I learned what it felt like to exhale, to not have to be the driver all the time, to be safe in the passenger seat, literally and metaphorically. I told Glenn, like he's the first person I've ever been with where I feel comfortable sleeping in the car. Or we joke about this all the time, but it's so true. Like Glenn drives, I literally shut my whole brain off. I could not tell you how to get anywhere, even places we've been a dozen times, because when I'm with him, I just let go. And that right there is feminine safety. My nervous system is saying to me, like, you don't have to be on alert. He's got it. You're safe. And it shows up in little things too. Like, if something like we needed a new roof this summer, Glenn handles it. Like he can handle dinner. He takes initiative on these small but meaningful daily things. And those actions, they tell my body, I can relax. I don't have to be the manager here. And when I relax, my cortisol drops. When my cortisol drops, oxytocin rises. And suddenly, connection doesn't feel like work. It feels natural. And so I share this contrast because I know some of you are probably living what I lived in my first marriage. Maybe you're wondering why you feel so numb, why you feel like roommates instead of lovers. My desire feels so out of reach for you. It's not because you don't care, and it is not because you are broken. It's literally because your nervous system doesn't feel safe. And the beauty of that realization is this you don't have to have a new husband. I see that all the time on the internet. Get a new husband. You need a new method, you need new rhythms and resets that create space for him to step up and for you to step back. And that's what I want to dive into today. We are going to, we're going deep on this topic today, friend. So I want to talk about the science. I want to talk about what's actually happening inside of your body when you do not feel safe. There are two main hormones we need to understand here: cortisol and oxytocin. So cortisol is your body's built-in alarm system. When you perceive a threat, cortisol shoots up and your whole system goes on high alert. Your heart beats faster, your muscles tense, your brain starts scanning for the danger. Now, that is such a gift if we are running from a bear. But in your marriage, when you were trying to sit on the couch and enjoy being close to your husband, that is a disaster. Because cortisol doesn't know the difference between a lion chasing me and I don't trust my husband to follow through on what he said. To your nervous system, unsafety is unsafety. So when your husband's checked out, inconsistent or avoiding some sort of responsibility, your body reads that as someone has to hold the line here. And guess who it, you know, decides that someone is? Oh, it's you, which means you stay in stress mode, cortisol pumping, unable to relax. On the other side of this coin, we have oxytocin. Oxytocin is often called the bonding hormone or the cuddle hormone. It's what rises when you hug, when you make eye contact, when you laugh together, when you're having sex. Oxytocin is the hormone that lets your body know I am safe, I am connected, and I can soften. It literally will lower your blood pressure. It lowers anxiety, it slows your heart rate, it makes your body want to draw closer instead of pulling away. And so here's the thing: cortisol and oxytocin are sort of in this tug of war with each other. When cortisol is high, oxytocin is suppressed. Your body will not let you bond if it thinks you are in danger. When oxytocin rises, cortisol drops, and your body says, I'm safe. I can rest. I can connect. So if you've ever thought, like, why can't I just flip this switch into desire? That's why. It is not a willpower problem, it is a chemistry problem. And so this isn't my like opinion that I made up. I have some studies, they'll be in the show notes. Science Direct published research showing that oxytocin has an anti-stress effect. When oxytocin rises, cortisol drops. And so your body literally flips from flight or flight into rest and bond mode. E-Life did a study on affectionate touch. They found that everyday moments of touch, a hug, hand holding, brushing up against each other, raised oxytocin and lowered your cortisol. So when I say respect and initiative are foreplay, I mean it. Like it's literally chemistry. And then here's one that I find super fascinating. Frontiers on Human Neuroscience actually ran a study where couples did bonding exercises. For securely attached couples, oxytocin spiked and cortisol dropped. But for insecure couples, cortisol did not drop the same way, which means the perception of safety matters as much as the action itself. If you don't feel safe, your body won't release oxytocin no matter what your husband is doing. And so this explains so much of what you felt in your body. You're trying to be close, but your brain's still running through tomorrow's to-do list. Your husband touches you, but instead of relaxing, you flinch because you don't feel supported in the other areas of your life. You want to want him, but your body is still buzzing with cortisol. It doesn't mean you don't love him. It doesn't mean you're broken. It literally just means your nervous system is trying to protect you. And this is why so many women come to me and they say, I feel like roommates. I'm exhausted. I want intimacy, but I just can't get there. It is not about a lack of desire. It is about a lack of safety. And this is why polarity matters. When men are in healthy masculine, steady, leading, trustworthy, consistent, women's bodies physically relax. Cortisol drops, the oxytocin rises, and connection becomes easy. But when men are in unhealthy masculine, they're passive, avoidant, and inconsistent, women's bodies stay on high alert. Cortisol stays up, oxytocin stays down, and connection feels impossible no matter how much you want it. So the question isn't like, why can't I just flip the switch? The question is what needs to shift in our dynamic so my body feels safe enough to soften. And that to me is just the science. I know it's a lot, but once you understand this tug-of-war situation, so many of your own experiences start to make sense. I want to take a pause here and talk about something that happened on a call with one of my members last week because I think it's going to resonate with you. So she told me we just got through the first batch of training. And she told me she finally sat down and started to write out her mental load. Not just the chores, not just the visible task, like the visible tasks like laundry or dishes. She went deeper, which is what we train in the supportive wife society. She went into the remembering, the planning, the worrying, the way she keeps everyone's lives from falling apart behind the scenes. And as she started to list it all out, she noticed something in her body. Her chest got tight, her breath felt shallow, she was overwhelmed. That is her nervous system saying, look at what I've been holding, look at what you've been carrying all alone. And so here's what I told her and what I want to tell you. If you feel a physical reaction when you finally look at your mental load, that doesn't mean you're weak. It does not mean that you're failing. It means your body is wise. It's finally exhaling enough to let you notice the weight you've been under. I want you to think about this. If you've ever clenched your jaw all night where you were sleeping, you didn't notice the tension until you stopped. And then suddenly the ache hits you. Awareness often feels heavier at first because you're finally tuning into what was already there. And here's the most beautiful thing. She told me this was the start I needed. That moment of overwhelm wasn't the end, it was the beginning. Because once you name it, once you bring it out of the shadows, you can finally lay it down. And so if you're listening to me right now and you're thinking, Lemon, if I actually listed it all out, I would probably have a breakdown. I want you to hear me on this. Breaking down is not failure, it is a doorway to relief. And so now that we understand the science a little bit, cortisol, oxytocin, why your body literally won't let you connect when you don't feel safe, the next question is, what do I do about it? That is where my favorite framework comes in. If we teach this inside of the Supportive Wife Society, it's my magnetic marriage method. And so I want to just talk you through what it looks like to be supported again, because each one of these is a piece that you need. So first and foremost, you have to see and name the mental load. You cannot release what you don't realize you're caring. Again, if you like, even listen to me for a minute. While I talk about this like first step, here's what I want you to do. I want you to take this time and I want you to squeeze your fist the entire time that I talk about this mental load for the next minute or two. And then you're gonna release them and we're gonna see how you feel. So this is the very first step to name the mental load is more than chores. It's the remembering, the anticipating, the worrying. It's the invisible work of checking homework, buying birthday gifts, knowing which kid hates blue jeans and what time soccer practice starts. And like I shared earlier with one of my members, sometimes when you sit down to actually list it out, you'll feel a physical reaction, tightness in the chest, overwhelm, maybe even tears. This is literally just your nervous system saying, Finally, someone's been paying attention to me. It is step one because awareness is the foundation. You cannot hand over what you haven't even seen. Okay, I want you to release your hands. Do they feel different? Do you feel the tension releasing? That's what you're doing when you're holding onto the mental load. My pastor said this weekend closed hands cannot give, closed hands cannot receive. So if you're holding tight and you're saying this is mine, you are not open to receiving at all. So we have to open our hands, friends. Okay, so step two, we have to learn to let go without chaos. And so I know you're probably thinking, okay, Lemon, like if I just stop carrying everything, it's all gonna fall apart. That's why step two is so important because letting go doesn't mean dropping the ball. It means creating intentional space for your husband to step in. And we do that in a way that does not cause chaos. Maybe you start small, you let him play in dinner one night a week, or he's the one who gets the kids ready for church. It's about releasing control in little increments. So your nervous system learns the world won't fall apart if I'm not in charge of everything. And here's what's so cool. When you let go without micromanaging, you're giving him the opportunity to build confidence in leading. Leadership grows with opportunity, not instruction. Then we're actually going to create more space for him to lead. And this one is so uncomfortable for a lot of us because we're used to being, you know, we're quick with what the kids need for school. We are, you know, we're just more prepared. But here's the truth: if you always answer first, if you make the plan first, if you swoop in with the solution first, he actually never has the chance to lead in the first place. So part of this step is learning the pause to give him a moment to speak before you feel the silence. Let him figure out the plan without rushing to fix it. It is not about shrinking yourself, it is about creating a gap for him to step into. And yes, at first it might feel awkward, but that is where leadership has room to grow. And this one I think is always so challenging for women because we want it done our way, we want it done quick, we want it done when we want it done, because we've probably thought of 17 other things beforehand. And so to us, this is just a logical time to do it or the way it should be done. And it does not create space for him. And so then this goes all the way back to the science. We've rushed in to solve the problem. And so, therefore, we've told ourselves a story that my husband is inconsistent, he's passive, he's lazy, whatever you've told yourself. And so your cortisol spikes, your oxytocin lowers, but it's literally because you haven't given him the space to do it and you've stepped in to do everything yourself. So, step four, we're gonna build some new habits together. Polarity isn't built on one-off grand gestures, it is built in daily rhythm. So that's where you and your husband start building habits that reinforce partnership instead of management. So maybe it's a weekly family dinner you plan together. Maybe it's a Sunday night calendar check-in where you divide responsibilities for the week. Maybe it's a nightly walk around the block where you reconnect before bed. The point is actually not the exact habit, it's that you're creating shared rhythms because shared rhythms anchor your nervous system. They create predictability, which your body reads as safety. And remember, when safety rises, oxytocin rises. And so I always tell my members like stop aiming for big, dramatic change and start looking for consistent, simple habits that reset your marriage dynamic little by little. And then we get to reignite respect and attraction. So here's what I always say is like the spicy part, right? Respect is foreplay, trust is foreplay, initiative is foreplay. When you stop managing him and he starts showing up in healthy masculine ways, respect comes back online. And when respect is restored, attraction follows. Because here's the truth. And I said this last week you cannot mother a man and desire him at the same time. If you have to remind him like a child, manage him like an employee, or correct him like a student, your body is going to shut down. Period. But when you see him lead, when you feel him steady, when you watch him follow through, the respect flips the switch. Your nervous system says, we're safe now, you can soften, and desire grows in that soil. This is not about manipulation. It is literally about allowing polarity to do what it was designed to do. Magnetize you back to each other. And then we're gonna keep it this balance over time. So this is where a lot of these women that I work with get tripped up. They do the work, they see the shift, they feel supported again, and then slowly, almost without noticing, they slide back into old patterns. And that's why step six is all about maintenance. You need check-in, you need accountability, you need a way to notice when you've slipped back into management mode. Inside the membership, it looks like journaling prompts, monthly resets, community support. But in your marriage, it might look like a quarterly state of the union check-in. Maybe it's having a trusted friend who gently reminds you when you're overfunctioning. The goal is not perfection, the goal is awareness and course correction. Because polarity is not a one-and-done situation. It's a rhythm that you keep choosing every single day. And then I want to take a minute to talk about the faith side of this because if you know me, like I don't believe marriage is just psychology and hormones. I think marriage is spiritual. And so when we look at scripture, we can see that the way God designed marriage lines up perfectly with what science is telling us about safety, respect, and polarity. So in this concept of respect is foreplay, right? Ephesians tells us that husbands are to love their wives as Christ loves the church, sacrificially, fully, with a steady and trustworthy love. And wives are called to respect their husband. Now here's the thing: when I say like respect is foreplay, this is not supposed to be some catchy one-liner that I see on Instagram later. I mean that respect and love are cyclical. When he loves you well, you respect. When you respect him, he loves you more. And that cycle feeds intimacy. And your nervous system knows it. When you feel cherished and cared for and led, your body responds with oxytocin, the bonding hormone. Respect and safety literally rewire the desire that you have for your husband. And then, okay, this is my favorite. I always say soft is strong, right? Culture has told women that strength looks like carrying everything. But scripture shows us that strength often looks like surrender. Our, you know, Jesus' power is made perfect in our weakness. And Proverbs 31 does not describe a frantic, hustling woman. It describes a woman clothed in strength and dignity who laughs without fear of the future. That is a hustle energy. That is some soft power. That's a woman whose safety is rooted in God and whose rhythms are supported at home. Soft to me does not mean passive. Soft means influential in a different way. It's the kind of strength that magnetizes instead of manages. And then I always tell my members like faith is not a constraint, it is a framework for freedom. When you trust God's design, you don't have to control everything. You can release some things, you can breathe, you can let your husband lead without fear that the whole house of cards is gonna fall down. Proverbs reminds us: trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. That includes your marriage. It means sometimes letting go of your own understandings of how things should be and trusting that there is a design for intimacy and partnership and legacy that is better than white knuckling it all yourself. And then, and then I love that our marriage, our home is supposed to be a sanctuary, right? So the Bible talks about your home being a safe space, it is a place of peace, of refuge, of safety. When your marriage reflects that design, your nervous system will align. Your body does not have to be on guard because your spirit feels covered. And when body and spirit agree on safety, guess what? Your intimacy thrives. And then I want to talk about the legacy of all of this. So faith also reminds us that this is not just about us, it's about what we're passing down. Your children are watching right now. They are learning what love looks like, what marriage feels like, what partnership can be. And when they see a home where mom doesn't have to carry it all, or dad shows up in steady legacy or love and respect cycle back and forth, they are receiving a legacy. What legacy are you leaving for your children? I know that the kids, um, they are constantly like you and dad are so in love with each other. It is so gross, but also we hope that our kids think we're gross one day. I hope we love each other the same way. I hope that, you know, anytime Glenn and I are like, hey, um, I'm thinking about doing this thing, we're both immediately like, yes, go do it. So supportive. And the kids will say that support in like, and it models even in their friendships. If they have friends who are not supportive or pointing them in the right direction, or any of those kinds of things, then it's not a relationship worth having. And so they got that from our marriage. And so I want you to ask yourself like, what sort of legacy are you leaving for your children, for your grandchildren? It's so much bigger than you. It is generational. And so, yes, my friend, science explains the chemistry, but scripture affirms the design. And when you bring them together, right? Your body, your brain, your spirit, they are all saying the same thing. Safety creates softness. Softness creates connection, and connection creates a legacy. And so I want to make this like very real and simple for you, my friend. We've talked about the science, the stories, the faith, all of the kind of fun things. And now I want to give you some practical tools. Things you can do this week, even today, to start shifting your nervous system and your marriage dynamic. So first thing I want you to do is journal. Grab a notebook and write down some of the things that you're carrying, right? Who needs a doctor's appointment? What kid just grew out of their shoes? Which bill is on auto pain and which one isn't? What you promised your mom you'd bring for Thanksgiving. I just want you to write that down. I don't want you to edit. I don't want you to judge. I just want you to list it. And if you feel that tightness in your chest or that wave of overwhelm, I want you to remember what I told one of my members. The reaction is proof that your body is wise, that your nervous system is telling you the truth. And then this week, I also want you to learn to pause. This one is simple, but it is powerful. Next time a decision comes up, what's for dinner? Who's taking the kids? Where you're going this weekend, I want you to pause. Do not fill the silence. Do not answer first. Give him space to lead. And it might feel awkward at first. But again, this is just a doorway to a new rhythm. I want you to say nothing. Or if he says, you know, what's for dinner? Respond. What do you want for dinner? Let him think about it. What are we doing this weekend? Let him answer. Let him figure it out. Okay. And then at the end of the day, I want you to ask yourself, like, where did I feel most supported today? And then where did I feel most alone? These simple check-ins start to reveal a pattern. Maybe you'll notice you always feel supported when he handles bedtime, but you feel alone in managing dinner. Maybe you realize you feel cared for when he checks in emotionally, but then unseen when it comes to household tasks. Again, awareness is the roadmap. And so actually I want to give you some scripts for like handing some things over. So the first one, like if you're ready, start letting go. Here's something very simple you can use. Hey, I'd love for you to handle this one. I trust your judgment. Notice what I did not say. I did not give 10 instructions. I didn't hover. I didn't micromanage. I simply released. Hey, I'd love for you to handle this one. I trust your judgment. Or you could express some respect. I really appreciated how you handled that. Made me feel so loved. Respect does not have to be grand or dramatic. It is just naming the moment. And these words of affirmation tell his nervous system I'm leading in a way that matters. Or when you start to notice it, I want you to speak about that too. I'm realizing how good it feels to not be in charge of everything. Thank you for stepping in. That is vulnerable, that is honest, and it reinforces the polarity that you're building. Okay. Now, this one, I have given you a lot of homework this week. Okay. I want you to touch this week. Remember that study we talked about? Affectionate touch raises oxytocin and lowers cortisol. So start a daily touch routine. Maybe it's holding hands on your evening walk. Maybe it's a hug before bed that lasts 20 seconds. Putting your hand on his arm when you pass by. These small touches literally retrain your nervous system to read. I am safe and I am connected. This is about building just rhythms that keep you guys connected. So I want you to start small. Pick one journal prompt, pick one pause, pick one script, pick one touch ritual. Don't overwhelm yourself and try to do it all right now. Because here's the thing: even one tiny shift starts lowering cortisol and raising oxytocin, and your body will thank you for it. Now I know you're probably like some of you are listening and you're like, okay, Lemon, this all sounds so cool, but what about my real life? And I want to go there with you because the what ifs are where most women get stuck. So I want to talk you through some of the big ones. First one I hear is, I would love to let go, but my husband won't take initiative. He just sits back and he waits for me to leave. Here's some tough love, my friend. Sometimes he's not stepping up because there's no room to. If you're always three steps ahead, always filling the silence, always correcting or always fixing, he never gets a chance to lead. Leadership grows with opportunity, not instruction. If you want him to lead, you have to create space for him to lead. And so that means pausing. It means resisting the urge to swoop in. It means letting him do it his way, even if it's not your way. Now that doesn't guarantee he's gonna transform undernight, overnight, but it gives him the opening too. And more often not than not, when a man senses the space and the respect, he will rise to it. Or I hear this one. Oh, if I let him handle dinner, we're gonna end up with frozen pizza three nights in a row. Here's the thing different does not mean wrong. Yes, maybe his way is not Pinterest worthy. Maybe he folds the towels wrong. God knows my husband does. Maybe his idea of dinner is hot dogs. But if you can release control of the outcome, you will find freedom. Because it's not about the towels. It's not about the fact that you're eating cereal for dinner, it's about the dynamic. It's about your body learning that you do not have to be in charge of every single detail. And honestly, sometimes lowering the standard of perfection is the very thing that lets desire come back. Or I hear this one all the time. But shouldn't he just know? I cannot tell you how many times I thought, if he really loved me, he'd just know what I need. Or can he see the dishes in the sink? Here's the thing: men are not mind readers. And expecting them to just know sets everybody up for failure. Healthy polarity doesn't mean never communicating. It means communicating clearly without micromanaging. It's saying, I'd love for you to handle this. I trust your judgment. That is different than nagging. It is an invitation, not a demand. Okay. Every one of these objections comes back to the same root. It is fear. Fear of things falling apart, fear of being disappointed, fear of not feeling safe. But here's the truth: courage is not the absence of fear. Courage is choosing to act differently, even while the feel fear is still there. And while every step you take, every pause, every release, every script tells your body, like we're building a new way. And so I want to leave you with this. If you've been listening today or nodding along, maybe you're like, okay, I think I need some help here. I want you to know you're not cold, you're not unloving. If you felt frustrated because you want him, but you can't just turn that switch back on, it's not a failure. Your body is doing exactly what it was designed to do. Protect you until it feels safe. And the good news is safety can be rebuilt. Desire can be reignited. We literally just need a new method. I want you to like imagine this with me for a second. Imagine walking into your home and actually feeling your shoulders drop because you're not carrying it all anymore. Imagine your husband taking initiative, following through, showing up steady, and you actually noticing your body relax in response. Imagine that connection feeling easy, probably like when you were dating. It wasn't forced, it wasn't managed, it was natural. That's what happens when cortisol lowers and when oxytocin rises and polarity is restored. That's what happens when safety comes back online. And so if you're ready to go deeper into this work, it's exactly what we do inside of the supportive wife society. It's not about teaching you how to hustle harder or manage more efficiently or pretend you don't care. It is about resetting your marriage dynamic step by step. And so inside you'll find trainings that walk you through that exact framework and we deep dive into all of them. Conversation scripts you can actually use with your husband, journaling prompts that help you release the mental load, and a community of women who get it. Women who are also tired of being the manager and ready to be the magnet again. And so if this spoke to you, I want to personally invite you to join this because you do not have to carry it all anymore. I promise you, like you really don't. So I want to remind you that respect is foreplay and that you are not alone. Your body is wise, your marriage can reset, and your legacy is waiting. And so if you know that you're like, I need some help, there is a link in the show notes, or just had to go connect with me on Instagram or Facebook and let's have a conversation about the fact that this is literally a hormonal problem that is preventing you from connecting with your husband. And so until next time, friends, remember you do not have to do all of it by yourself in order to be deeply loved. Tootaloo. Friends, remember you do not have to do all of it by yourself in order to be deeply loved. Tootaloo.