Overcoming Addiction: A Journey to Sobriety and Leadership with Chrystal Cueller | #151

Ever wondered how faith can transform lives, especially when battling addiction? Join us on the Milk and Honey podcast as we sit down with Chrystal, a passionate sober coach devoted to helping Christian women embrace sobriety and discover their true purpose. Chrystal shares her powerful journey from weekend binge drinking and toxic relationships to finding solace and strength in her faith. Through her candid story, we uncover the pivotal moments that led her to abandon harmful habits and devote herself to a sober life, emphasizing the crucial role of community and a relationship with Jesus in overcoming addiction.

We also tackle the societal pressures that often compel us to numb our emotions rather than confront them, hindering our spiritual growth and emotional health. For women in leadership roles, the struggle with pride and shame can be particularly challenging. Through relatable anecdotes and profound insights, we highlight the importance of transitioning from relentless striving to abiding in the Lord. Chrystal and I discuss practical advice for maintaining emotional well-being while fulfilling one's divine purpose, offering listeners valuable takeaways to apply in their own lives.

Lastly, we emphasize the transformative power of seeking help within a loving, non-judgmental church community. Inspired by Jesus’ model of love and understanding, we explore how such support can make a significant difference for those struggling with addiction. Tune in to learn about valuable resources like the Kingdom Alliance Community on Facebook and the Clean Method Mentorship, designed to offer guidance and support. Whether you're on your own journey to sobriety or supporting someone who is, this episode offers a wealth of inspiration and encouragement to share with others. Join us next Monday as we continue to uncover the depths of leadership and our heavenly calling.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:05

Hey friend, welcome to Milk and Honey with Lemon. The Bible says in Numbers 14 8, and if the Lord is pleased with us, he will bring us safely into that land and give it to us. It is a rich land flowing with milk and honey. On this podcast, we talk about stepping into that overflow that God has for us by becoming those ultimate Proverbs 31 women. Hey, I'm Lemon. I am just like you, sister friend. I knew God had something more in store for me, but I couldn't see a way out of the laundry piles. And frankly, I resented that Proverbs 31 woman. How am I gonna live up to the hype? That is until I found out how to really step into becoming this Proverbs 31 woman through leadership development. In this podcast, you're gonna find financial freedom, leadership growth, and motivation, so you'll be able to do all the things God has called you to do with ease and really step into that land of milk and honey. Welcome back to the Milk and Honey Podcast. I'm your host, Lemon Price, and today I have my friend Crystal, and I'm really excited actually. I found Crystal on TikTok like a year ago, maybe, and I was so I was just obsessed with her and what she was doing. And so she talks about she's sober living and she's a sober coach and she works with Christian women to embrace this sobriety and unlock their true purpose. And so she has had her own battles with binge drinking, and that is really what brought her here is God bringing her through this. And so she approaches everything through a biblical and practical lens so women can break free for good.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

So thank you, my friend, for being here. Thank you for having me. I'm super excited to be here.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

I'm super excited. I really was like obsessed with your story and just hearing you kind of talk about the things you've been through. So for everybody who doesn't know, can you tell everybody a little bit about your history and how you kind of arrived here?

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Yeah, definitely. I'll share it in a nutshell. So I I was never physically addicted to alcohol, but I got real close.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

So I was my friend, I have been obsessed with you and your story for literally probably a year now. For those who don't know your history and your background, would you share a little bit of your story with us?

SPEAKER_01 2:14

Yeah, absolutely. I, when it comes to drinking, I was more so a binge drinker. So I was never physically addicted to alcohol, but I did get really close to that. And so I was the kind of girl that Monday through Friday, I would work out, I would go to work, I would do what I had to do. But once the weekend came along, I was out at the bars. And I was never the person that just wanted to have one drink. I remember even thinking, people that just had one drink, I was like, why would you just have one drink? There's no fun in that. And so I would always end up tipsy or most of the time drunk, making decisions that I wouldn't make when I was sober. And I kind of played that game for gosh, probably over 10 years. And during that time, I of course started to question my relationship with alcohol when I started to just have consequences for my drinking my first DWI. I started to just recognize that things were happening that I wouldn't remember. So having just constant blackouts, relationships just kind of getting hindered from my alcohol consumption and things like that. And always believed in God, but never really had a relationship with Jesus. And so kind of just fast-forwarding when my drinking just kind of escalated. I was in a toxic relationship for about 10 years. And I didn't know at that time, but he struggled with addiction. But as we kind of went through our relationship, his addiction really escalated. And then I realized that I was using alcohol to just really cope. And I didn't know how to navigate that relationship. I was very new to what addiction even looked like, even though I knew I was a bench drinker. I never really saw that as an addiction, even though that is obviously that's really close to addiction. You can have that emotional addiction and things like that. And so I just found myself really using alcohol to cope just with his addiction, really, and just also with the, you know, toxicity with the trauma that went along with that. And in the midst of that's really when I found Jesus. And like I said, I was already a believer, but I remember there was this time where I was just searching for something. I didn't know it was Jesus at that time, uh, but I was searching for something. And as I look back, I really just feel like this was a Holy Spirit just leading. I had this idea. I was like, you know what? Maybe I should join a Bible study, which was never even a thought at that time. So I know that was a Holy Spirit for sure. And so I had come across an acquaintance from high school, actually. And her and her husband were doing what I thought was a Bible study, but they were actually running church from home. And so it was a small church. And so they invited me over. I went over there. And from that point on, I always said God wrecked my life in the best way possible because they really showed me the unconditional love of Christ. I started reading the Bible. I started to build my relationship with Christ. And this is really when I started to get that conviction to let go of that relationship, which I already knew. Once I started reading the word of God and building that relationship with Christ, I knew that I wasn't in alignment at all. And so it probably took me about two years into really building that relationship with Christ to finally make that move. And so I ended up leaving the relationship about, gosh, yeah, about after 10 years. Um, and then I was like, okay, it's gonna be so much easier to stop drinking now, right? Because he's the problem, right? I wasn't fully taking accountability because I was like, oh yeah, like he's the problem. That's why I'm drinking, and it's gonna be fine. And so I ended the relationship, and that's actually when I started drinking even more. And that was the first time when I remember I went out drinking and I woke up, of course, having a hangover, feeling the anxiety, all the feelings. And I just remember having this feeling too, which I would have this over and over again, where I was just like, Crystal, like you are not living up to your potential. This is not what God has for you. And for the first time in my life, I felt like I was losing control. And I had this thought where it was like, and again, I feel like this was the Holy Spirit too, where it was just like, well, you can continue to drink like this, but you're not gonna fulfill the purpose that God has for you. And so that was probably one of the scariest moments because I had never felt that way before. I never felt like I was losing control. And I also knew that if I had kept drinking like that, I would become physically addicted to alcohol because the days where I was sober, they were less and less at that point. It wasn't just the weekends. It was like Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, maybe take a day off and then, you know, keep going. So whenever those feelings, whenever that hangover would wear off and those feelings would come up, that's when I would want to go drink again. I didn't know how to navigate my emotions, triggers, nothing like that. And so at that point is really when I reached out to my church because they knew what was going on with my relationship and with alcohol and just kind of the journey I was on. And so they helped me stay accountable, praise God, thank God for them. And then I also hired a sober coach like myself. I know at that time I was looking for a faith-based coach, but couldn't really find one. But this coach really helped me just kind of through the beginning stages of that accountability as well. And I also hired a Christian therapist and I just covered all my basis because I was like, whatever you're doing, Crystal, it is not working. So we need accountability, we need support. And so from that point on, it kind of just led me to to where I'm at today. And obviously, just coaching women, Christian women, and just helping them break that Ben's drinking cycle. And even some women that come to me, they're just like, they maybe they drink once, once a month, and they're just like, man, like I have this conviction that the Lord is putting on my heart, and I just can't seem to give it up. And so that's what we focus on and really just focus on also just having a sober mind because it's about so much more than just letting go of alcohol, but really developing that mind of Christ. So that's it in a nutshell. I always try to condense it where there's so many moving pieces there.

SPEAKER_00 7:32

And no, I love that story because I feel like I can relate to parts of your story so much. Maybe that's why we bonded, is because I'm like, oh yeah, I could see myself in that part. I could see how this part is close to my life. Yeah. And yeah, getting to a place now where it's okay. I mean, now I'm like, I'll have I think my husband bought me a bottle of wine like three months ago. And I had one glass from it, and now I just use it to cook all the time. Cause I'm like, I can't, I just can't unless I'm around one friend. And then then she's we're gonna put she's we're gonna, but now she's a mom, so maybe not. But in our early 20s, we did the same thing though. It was the same thing. Like we were normal, sober people, like Monday to Thursday, we would go out to Wessies, which is terrible. It's like working in the school system and things like that. And yeah, you it was never one, and so then it led to bad decisions. I like met my first husband while I was at a bar, like in Atlantic City, and I knew that I had a vision from God. Like, I was gonna meet my husband in church and all these things. And instead, I married this man who in a bar from Atlantic City, and he had an opioid addiction, and that's the first time I'd ever really experienced addiction and like what that looks like. Which, yeah, I mean, there was times like it made my drinking worse. Yeah, it made my addiction, I feel like a little bit worse and things like that. And then when I split, then I was just by myself. I moved to Georgia by myself for six months and just lived alone for six months. God was like, let me just pluck you and move you. And so then I feel like I didn't, I had no friends, so it was easy for me to not binge drink anymore or any of those things. I did the same thing for like a solid almost 10 years. That behavior existed. And then when I found you, I was like, oh my gosh, this is so similar. And I love that you brought up to you. It's not necessarily that you're like going out and drinking a ton too, and that's why people come to you. They're coming to you because of other issues, right? Or they want to give it up. Or what are what would you say to like those kind of women who are like, I only have one glass of wine a month, but like God's calling me to give it up? Or like, where do you feel like the hang up is for people and even giving up like that one glass of wine a month?

SPEAKER_01 9:39

Yeah, I mean, I feel like when it comes to that, it can vary. So some people, someone that comes to me, they maybe have previously had a binge drinking issue, but they've they've gotten to a point where they can quote unquote moderate it, but the Lord is still pressing on their heart where it's he's no, like I didn't say to moderate, I said totally remove it, even if it's just for a season or if it's just an idol, really is what it comes down to. Because it could be alcohol, it can be exercise, it can be anything that can be an idol, right? But I feel like for those women that do come to me when it's maybe just those couple glasses of wine, it's because the Lord has already been working with them on binge drinking before, but they're still trying to hold on to that alcohol, right? To that idol. And what I've seen to be true too, which was obviously true for me as well, is just that's that's a hindrance, right? And a lot of women that come to me, they are leaders, they're entrepreneurs, they have this big calling on their life. And this too, it's the Lord is gonna mold us, the Lord is going to take us through the pressing and the crushing. And it requires us to not live like the world, and that requires letting go of those idols, like alcohol for some of us. Obviously, that's not everybody's conviction, but you know, the women that do come to me, that's where they're at, where they're just like, man, but I'm not even getting drunk anymore. Why, why do I have to give this up? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm not God, but clearly, like, there's there's something that is keeping you attached to this. This is a hindrance, this is a strong cold. And so that's kind of what I see in those women.

SPEAKER_00 11:00

I love that you brought up that it can become an idol. I would love to know, do you primarily work with people in the United States?

SPEAKER_01 11:08

Primarily, but I've worked with a couple women from Canada, things like that. It really just depends. Yeah, all over.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Yeah, because I feel like other cultures necessarily, I feel like alcohol is a little bit less, I don't know, taboo, maybe.

SPEAKER_01 11:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:22

Where like you're having a glass of wine at lunch and stuff, like in Spain, right? People are like, oh, and they're having a glass of wine at lunch and it's like normal. So I'm like, I wonder if the binge drinking rate is the same in other places as it is like here in the state.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

And like if the state is from Yeah, I feel like it's definitely worse here. That's just kind of my take on it. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 11:42

It is super interesting how like a cultural attitude towards drinking and everything too can impact like the strongholds and things that we have.

SPEAKER_01 11:50

Yeah. And I think too, we've just been molded to numb and not really go through the human experience. So these different feelings and emotions that we get as a human. And I know we like to sometimes label, okay, this is a bad emotion, but the truth is that God made us the way He made us, right? To express these emotions, to feel these emotions and just like triggers, right? Like sometimes those are red flags that we need to look at something, or it's a red flag that we need to, not even a red flag, but maybe more so that it highlights something that the Lord is trying to heal us. And so if we're constantly numbing, how are we gonna be sensitive to the Holy Spirit? How are we actually gonna heal, go to the next level with the Lord and healing it and fulfill the purpose that God has for us? And it's I think that's a big part of it is that it's like if we have anxiety or we have, why don't we feel some sort of way? It's okay, go take a pill, go drink this drink, and it's hold on for a second. What is the root of this? Why am I feeling this way? Did I even go to God? There's steps before that that I feel like we can go to opposed to all these numbing. And I feel like society has just kind of conditioned us to think that way.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

Okay, yes. And even thinking about the type of people that you primarily work with, it's entrepreneurs, it's leaders.

SPEAKER_01 12:57

Yeah, right there.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

I think there's an expectation to one, be super social, right? When you're so drinking becomes a social thing, but then also you have to be high productive all the time, too. And so we almost don't create space to have this human experience.

SPEAKER_01 13:16

Yeah, which I think is interesting too, because I do work with a lot of coaches and it's like we can preach all day to people. We're just like, oh yeah, we know what to tell others, but then we don't actually take that advice and apply it to our lives sometimes. Yeah, I totally agree with that. It's it can be, it can be challenging to make that time when we are so productive. And like you said, when we put this pressure on ourselves, which again, like when we put that pressure on ourselves, that means we are not really allowing ourselves to get our strength in the Lord. We're probably out of alignment, right? You're probably just more striving opposed to abiding in the Lord. And so that's something to look at too. I feel like I can go off on so many different tangents, but yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

I love that. Striving instead of abiding. That means you need to put it on like a t-shirt or something.

SPEAKER_01 13:59

Yeah, it reminds me from a song. I forget which one it is, but it it literally sings that it's instead of striving, really abiding in the Lord. And I it's stuck in my head.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

I love that. Yes, definitely put that on a t-shirt or something for your client.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

I should. I'm gonna take note of that.

SPEAKER_00 14:13

Yeah, we're gonna see her in six months coming out with a whole clothing line, striving instead of abiding. No, but I do think I think there's pressure for sure on, especially it's women too, right? Because chances are like they're also taking care of their home and their family and all this. So it's like, where's the downtime for you to process and experience life as a whole? Do you feel like, because have you seen this primarily with women who come to you who are in like leadership roles and there's like a certain expectation of them, is it like a harder for them to come, right? Because is there like a pride issue? Is it like shame? I would love to hear a little bit about some of the emotions these women are work like working through.

SPEAKER_01 14:57

Yeah, definitely. I feel like the biggest one that I've seen, and it's probably because this was me, is pride for sure. And I'll go back to my story. I know for myself, I feel like pride and shame for sure. I know for myself, though, just being a leader and being just a very independent person in general. I always thought I was just like, I should be able to figure this out on my own. I should be able to stop drinking on my own. Like I'm not living under a bridge, like I'm not physically addicted, or I'm not like as bad as other people are. So I should be able to figure this out. And so that's what I do see in a lot of the women that do come to me, the leaders, they're just like dumbfounded as they're just like, why can I not figure this out? Like I'm a strong, independent woman. And then they have that, and they start to get in like this guilt and shame cycle. Then they kind of hide. But I do feel like the pride and the shame is definitely a big thing that we have to break through. By the time they get to me, they still have that pride a little bit, but they're just like, okay, Crystal, I don't want to go to my church. I feel judged. They have these different feelings, but I've been watching you and you have a similar story. So can you help me out with this? So they're just finally get to that point. But yeah, pride and shame is so huge, and that was really big for me too.

SPEAKER_00 16:05

Oh, I actually really love it. You said this too, because I think it would be hard to go to your church, right? For especially if they have a leadership role at their church or anything like that, too.

SPEAKER_01 16:17

Which is the case sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 16:18

Yeah, which I feel could totally be the case. There's definitely been times where I've been in conversations with somebody that's oh, so-and-so step back from leadership because they're struggling with this addiction or this addiction. And I'm like, man, that kind of feels terrible. You know what I mean? To rip something away from them that gives them a little bit of purpose. Yeah. So I could see not going to your church too, and that and then feel like you have no out, right? Because you can't talk to people at church. Like you can't do all those things. Like, I know I grew up or I like attended like a very high control religious organization. And like you were actively encouraged actually to monitor each other's behavior, right? I know people in that church who like, if they did have a bottle of wine, like they would hide it under their kitchen sink before people came over because they didn't want a member to see it in passing. And they would actively, it was very interesting. They'd be like, Okay, we think Crystal would be really good working with the children. Does anybody not agree? And you would raise your hand as a congregation and be like, I don't agree. And then they would go meet with you after and be like, I saw her like have a glass of wine, and so therefore she can't be working with children. So so I definitely think there's like a lack of community kind of in that way, too. So it can feel really isolating and alone because who are you supposed to talk to when you create this beautiful safe space for women to come and work through these issues where they probably couldn't otherwise.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Yeah, definitely. And I think it goes back to like we were talking about that pressure too, like as Christians sometimes, you know? And yeah, I definitely I see that a lot. And I think it's, I don't know, it's it's such an honor too that the Lord has put me in this position too, just to help other leaders and help other Christian women in this. Cause I didn't even realize when I first started coaching on this that this was even a thing where women were scared to go to their church. Cause I was blessed with a church that was just so understanding and showed the love of God and all that. But it is, it's a really big thing. I mean, I even talk to women that are not necessarily in the Christian space, but I remember I was working with the coach at one time and she wasn't a Christian. And she was like, Yeah, she was like, I don't know if women are really gonna need you in the Christian space because I don't only think Christians drink. And I was like, I'm a Christian and I was struggling with binge drinking. So it's just again, I can go off on so many different tangents there, but I think it's I agree with you. I think it's such a need within the church too, where people need community and people need um somewhere to go to because they can feel that judgment or they can feel um that shame and guilt. And even if it is a welcoming church, like it's just like that internal battle that can happen sometimes.

SPEAKER_00 18:51

Okay, I love this. So on this thread then, because there's pressure and everything, do you think that the church and like a Christian community as a whole could be like doing better? What are some things you think that they could do? Sorry, this is asking her like a big C question. What do you think the whole church could do to make this like a safer place? You know what I mean? Or is it something that you think has to exist outside of the church, like for those reasons we talked about?

SPEAKER_01 19:17

Gosh, I think we definitely need to have both. And I I don't know, what's coming to mind really is just showing that unconditional love. I mean, I feel like it really comes down to love. I mean, I feel like when, and it makes me think back to the church that I was at that time, they weren't sitting there saying, oh, Crystal, you shouldn't be drinking. Oh, Crystal, oh my gosh, that's how you drink, that's how you're acting. You're a Christian, right? So there was literally no judgment. They loved me through it all. Yes, they shared truth with me, but it was in a loving way. And so I think really go back to the Bible and go back to how Jesus responded, how Jesus teaches us how to be. Like one of the main things he tells us is to love each other, right? And so I think if the church just focused on that opposed to being so focused on sin, not that we shouldn't talk about it, but I think truly, if we can go back to that would make a world of a difference. And even if we just look at the world right now, there's so much confusion, there's so much of an identity crisis, there's so much going on. And it's I truly believe it's because of that lack of love that people are not really receiving. So that's what I would say with the church for sure.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

Okay, I love that advice so much. So if somebody is listening right now and they're like, okay, Crystal, I'm struggling with my one glass of wine, or I'm secretly binge drinking, or maybe I'm a full-blown addict right now, what advice would you have for them?

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Yeah, I would say that it's okay to ask for help. I would say I know there can be a lot of confusion too when we're going through this process of okay, should I drink, should I not drink, especially in that binge drinking cycle because it's that gray area. And I kind of just want to say, if you're having that confusion, it's really just go back to Jesus. Like, what has God already told you? Because we can, we can go and Google, we can go and ask somebody else, hey, is my drinking bad or this and that? But it really comes down to what God is really speaking to you about and just allowing yourself to go on that conviction, allowing yourself to just trust the Lord and really just taking that pressure off that you have to do it alone. That's probably the main advice that that I would give, especially to leaders and things like that. Like you don't have to do it alone. And at the end of the day, everybody has their own struggles. It's just some people, you can see others more, you can see some people's struggles more than others. But at the end of the day, we are Christian or not, we are all human beings and we all struggle. And the Lord called us to carry each other's burdens. He says to lay it at his feet. And I'll stop right there because if not, I'll probably keep rambling. But that's the one thing I will say is that you don't have to do it alone. You don't have to have that shame or guilt. And it's okay to ask for help. You're not signing your life away. It's just kind of taking that next step to freedom, which the Lord has probably already. Convicting you on it.

SPEAKER_00 22:01

Okay, I love this. Where can they go to find you so they don't have to do it alone?

SPEAKER_01 22:06

Yeah. So I have a free community. It's called the Kingdom Alliance community on Facebook. And then I also have a 12-week mentorship that's called the Clean Method Mentorship. And that's where I really take you through a 12-week curriculum and I just show you everything that the Lord has really taught me, what I've learned through my own experience in education of really letting go of alcohol. But like I said, really learning how to develop a sober mind because it goes beyond just the bottle. We do talk a lot about other things because I know for myself, when I stopped drinking alcohol, I started overdoing it with caffeine. And then I it was food, then I was overobsessing over my body. And so we really touched on all those different things and relationships and things like that. And so that's essentially what the 12-week clean method mentorship is. So I would say on Facebook is a great place to find me. I'm also on TikTok. And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:54

I love it. I will link to all of her stuff. That's where I found her with TikTok. That's where we connected many moons ago. Yeah. And so I am just so grateful that you're here. We probably could do like multiple episodes talking about what it actually means to be sober-minded. And poor Crystal was not prepared for me to ask her, like, hey, how should we fix the church? Let's think I gave her no prep for that, by the way. But I just love and appreciate you being here and just sharing this with us because yeah, so many of us have either been through it, we know somebody who's gone through it, and it's not the easiest thing to ask for help for. So I just appreciate you being so vocal and willing to share your story so that others can find freedom.

SPEAKER_01 23:32

Yeah, definitely. Thank you so much for having me. I appreciate you. Thank you, friend.

SPEAKER_00 23:37

Hey friend, what a joy it has been to share today's journey with you. If you found a spark of inspiration or a nugget of wisdom that resonated, would you bless someone else by sharing this episode with them? It could be the encouragement they need to step into their purpose and calling. Also, if you could spare a moment to leave a review, it would mean the world to me. I really appreciate your feedback and it really helps our community grow. Remember, the road to discovering God's call for you isn't one you have to walk alone. So join me again next Monday for another episode where we'll continue to explore the depths of leadership and the heights of our heavenly calling. Until then, keep seeking, keep growing, and keep trusting in his plan. God bless you, and I'll catch you on the flip side. Bye, friend.