Stop Leading in Silos: The Hidden Cost of Fragmenting Yourself

Organizations fail when everyone operates in their own lane. But here's what I realized at the Community Development Society conference: we're doing this in our own lives, and we're calling it normal.

When you fragment yourself across different rooms — professional Lemon, civic Lemon, friend Lemon — you miss board seats, unlock opportunities stay invisible, and slowly lose yourself. In this episode, I'm breaking down what silos actually cost you, what whole-human leadership looks like, and three practical steps to integrate your life so you can stop being different versions of yourself everywhere you go.

If you're tired of compartmentalizing, this one's for you. Share it with a woman who's operating as five different people, and tag me on LinkedIn, I want to know who's ready to lead whole.

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Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Hi, friends. Welcome back to the Well Of Society. I'm your host, Lemon Price, and today I'm really excited because I want to talk about operating in silos and what I took from the community development society conference I was just at. And literally every single solitary talk that I went to was about silos. Maybe it's about nonprofits operating in silos from the government. Government agencies are siloed from, you know, what's going on with nonprofits and with other agencies in the community a lot of times. Boards don't often talk to the communities they serve. And so here's the thing they all want the same outcome. They want their city to thrive, they want the programs to scale, they want their impact to matter. But because everyone's locked into their own lane, nothing is compounding. And so I'm really excited to just talk about what that means for us. So if you're new to the show, I'm a lemon. Like I said, I really believe in women not operating in a silo. I kind of run like a leadership lab for women who want to be whole. So you don't want to be, you know, you want to be the same woman, whether you're at home at a dinner party, you know, on a tennis court or at a county commission meeting. And that's really my goal is to help you have meaningful impact and create systems to do that. And so, you know, like when I talk about showing up in silos, this is what I mean. You know, maybe I am super, maybe you're like super professional at work. And that's honestly like mentally exhausting. Like it's almost like you suppress yourself, which if you haven't listened before, I did a whole episode on code switching with Maya Rupert. Really good just talking about showing up in these different spaces and how we can suppress ourselves. You might be different when you show up as the civic engaged version of yourself, or you are different at your book club or Thursday morning Pilates. They're all different versions. And then if you have kids, like you're different there. If you volunteer, then you're different there. We've been told like it's fine, right? As women, we've been told like compartmentalize our work voice, right? We've heard of like our customer service voice. You have your voice at home, you have a community voice. Be professional here, be relaxed there, be helpful over there. But I think that silos don't just fail organizations, they fail us. When we operate in silos, we can't compound our impact, right? It's hard to make real connection. And here's the thing: I think that you can't be the woman that you want to be in different rooms if those different rooms get a different version of you every single time. And so I want to talk about what silos actually can impact in real terms. So, first, like we have wasted resources and slow decisions. So I think in organizations, this is really obvious, right? It's three departments solving the same problem three different ways. Wasteful, not helpful, nobody's communicating, like this isn't getting the job done. But in your life, this could look like your work relationships don't know your community commitments. So when an opportunity shows up that needs both, right, you don't have the connective tissue to make it happen. You don't have the relationships to make it happen. Right. Maybe there is something the community needs that work you needs, or there's people at work who could help you with this thing, but because you keep them so separate, nobody knows what's going on, nobody can help, nobody can get involved. Or maybe you miss a board seat because the people who know your professional skills don't overlap with the people who know what you're passionate about civically. Maybe they have no idea. So, like a prime example for this would be this past week when I was at the Community Development Society. I was helping to like run the event. And so I was running all the students that were working. It's a long story. If you want to hear it, I don't know, message me. I'll give you the details. But I was encouraged to also go to some sessions when I could. And so I did go to sessions and I got to talk to a lot of members and board members. You know, they asked me a ton of questions because these are all practitioners in community development and these are all faculty at universities across the country. Some of them really like across the world. Big people fly in from South Africa and Japan for this conference. So they asked me so many questions about my research interest and what I care about. For me, like community outcomes is my thing. I'm deeply passionate about constraints that policies have on, especially like rural governments that don't have necessarily the infrastructure, the resources to implement policies. So policies exist on the books, but then they're not being implemented. And then your community is liable for not implementing whose responsibility is that. All those things. That's what I'm interested in. Deeply interested. Policies might look good on paper, but like what does it actually look like in real time? And so I was talking about that with them and just again, how like I have always been community involved. Like it's just, it's a part of who I am. It's the way I was raised. You get involved with your community. I literally, I've told this story, I think, a hundred times, but my very first like city council or county commission meeting, I was 10 and it was about zoning, and it was about the fact that I had a horse. And it was like my horse. Like my mom and grandparents like made me go and talk about my horse. And of course, it was fine. I kept my horse, you know, whatever. There was, but there was a petition, people want to change zoning regulations, and I was like, that's crazy. Anyway, so I got to talk about this, right? Like this has always been a part of me. And so, because of that, which is gonna bring me to the next thing here, because of that, I was nominated to be on their board as a student representative because I took the opportunity to like, I was professional, I showed up really well, but I also got to talk about the things that matter to me civically, and so they were like, Oh, this would be a perfect fit for you. So that vote comes in August. So I'll keep you guys in the loop as to what's going on, but it's because I am not in a silo because I don't exist as two separate people. I'm a whole person. And then the other thing that happens, right, is missed opportunities. And the best thing I will say, like the best things that have happened in my life, outside of like being married and everything, the board seats, speaking invites, visibility in my community happened because somebody saw me whole. So, like, this is exactly what I'm talking about that happened with the community development society, right? It's like, oh, this would be fantastic. This has happened to me for junior league. Like, oh, this would be great at the state level to do this kind of work. People have seen me speak and been like, oh, you should be on this board, right? The connections happened because I was not in a silo. And then this is the one I feel most strongly about, like when it comes to the cost here, is that you lose yourself, right? So when you fragment your identity across different rooms, you start to believe that you're supposed to be different. You believe you're supposed to shrink in some spaces and take up space in others, right? So you believe your opinions about data centers only belong in certain rooms, and your opinions about hosting a beautiful dinner only belongs in other rooms. And slowly you stop trusting that same woman who can lead a meeting is the same woman who can curate a whole life. I really believe in whole life curation. I think when I look at this, like to me, honestly, it's like somebody said it to me once, like, they're like, it feels like you're talking about like violence against ourselves. And I know that sounds so aggressive, but it's like when you're operating in silos, it is a self-betrayal, right? It's not just organizational inefficiency, but it is you betraying who you are at the core. And to me, I think that is a shame, not only to yourself and the people you care about, but also the impact you're supposed to have. When you are fragmenting who you are, you cannot be a whole person. You cannot have the impact that you want to have. You can't. You will burn out and lose yourself. I just worked at the Community Development Society conference after it added up on my hours. It was close to 70 in a couple of days, less than a week's time. We did about 70 hours. Was I tired? Absolutely. But it was also so satisfying. Like I had no problem with the hours that I slept. There were some days I slept like four, but that's okay. Because you know what? It filled my cup and I didn't feel burnout at all. I was engaged and excited because I have created systems that allow me to do that. I knew I didn't have to worry about my household, right? My husband had it, he's good, he's great, didn't have to worry about that. But I also knew like, I know how to take care of my body. I know what my body needs, I know what it needs to thrive to be optimal. I know what I need. I also showed up authentically as myself in every single space. Sure, they some of the students maybe got us, you know, they got different parts of me a little bit. They got HR headspace, like I was managing everything. But then the attendees got my full focus and attention. But even the people, even the students who were there, they also got my full focus and attention. Anything they needed, I was available to them. Anything they needed, I was available. And so because I didn't betray myself, like I felt invigorated. I was still doing, I was still excited to show up and to serve. And so when we're not betraying ourselves, right? I'm talking about like whole human leadership. Like, what does that look like? I'm talking about, you know, being the woman who walks into a board meeting, a parent-teacher conference, a town hall, a dinner party as the exact same person, right? You're not performing, you're not code switching, you're just yourself, right? So here's what I mean by that. Like you might have opinions on zoning laws, which I think you should because it's a really hot topic. But you also have opinions about whether butter or cream makes the best sauce, right? You can talk about nonprofit governance and you can talk about why you take Friday mornings to deep clean your deep clean your house, which I do, by the way. I got the Martha Stewart, by the way, like housekeeping book. I'll link it in the show notes for you. Changed my life. Changed my life, to be honest, and the way I clean. Okay, so I'm just throwing that. That's why I do my Friday morning deep clean of my house, and I literally follow her checklist, and it's a wonderful, it's wonderful. You know, it's the same woman who like she doesn't apologize for her like vast interests, right? Like she's not saying, oh, this is just my personal life. That's just my hobby. Like, she's the woman who understands it's all leadership, it's all leadership, right? I have met people going to Hotworks who have influence in the community. I've met people at my needlepoint club. Sure, it's a hobby, but it's all leadership, right? It's all in the way we show up, right? We dress intentionally because our presence matters. And I'm not saying you need to be like dressed to the nines every single day. Guess what? When I'm going to hot Pilates, I look like a gremlin, and that's okay. But like I also my bag is well organized, and I do have like my leggings don't have the holes in them and stuff. Like it's just about the intentionality, right? I keep my home as nice as possible because I think stewardship matters. You maybe you have a serious hobby like tennis, Pilates, golf, and like literally that's those are my hobbies. And not because they're cute, but it's like I get to network, I get to refuel, I get to stay sharp and focused, right? I host dinners and I take them seriously as a leadership tool. It's not something I separate from real work. Like I've had really amazing people at my home for dinners, and it's it brings me so much joy. And so here's the thing when you stop compartmentalizing yourself, two things are gonna happen. One is you're gonna compress time, right? So you're not context switching, you know, between personas, right? You're not building your burning energy, kind of deciding which version of yourself to be. You're just you, and that's where the efficiency actually lives. It's not in productivity hacks, but in integration. But then two, you unlock opportunities that don't have job hostings. So someone sees you leading at the farmer's market and thinks you should be on the hospital board. Someone sees you host a dinner and thinks you'd be perfect for a nonprofit advisory role. Right? The best opportunities in my life have come from see like somebody seeing the whole me and not just a slice. Right? They're seeing me exist in other areas. So, like me showing up the way I did academically. Prime example. The way I showed up academically is what led to one of my professors telling me to do leadership bullock, which starts for me in three weeks. So I'm doing leadership bullock because of the way I showed up academically. I will now have access to different people. I'll just have access to different people. Because of the way I showed up in one space, I had access to another space. No one else in my program was told to do that. Nobody else. Nobody else in my program ran this conference the way I did. And then they didn't, they weren't asked to do it. And because I did, because they did, I was asked to be on the board, and other things came out of it that I'm not ready to talk about yet. But like opportunities came up that again were not available anywhere, not posted anywhere. It's because of the way I showed up in one space, I was given opportunities in another. And because I am authentically myself everywhere I go, it's easy for me to say yes to. It's easy for me to say yes to, and it's easy for people to say yes to me because they are getting the same version of me in every space. And so, like, how do you do this? I don't want you to like come up with some theories, like, I want some real practicality here. So, first I want you to create one decision filter across your roles. For me, it's does this build the legacy I want to leave? So that question works at my dinner table, right? And how are we talking to the kids? What conversations am I like are Glenn and I having with the kids? So that that question works there. It works in a board meeting when I'm deciding what to wear. When someone asks me to take on a volunteer role, it is one filter, right? This is my one North Star. So your filter does could be like, does this make me a better leader in every room I walk into? Or am I building the life I actually want or the life I think I'm supposed to want? I want you to write it down. I want you to use it everywhere because that's how you're gonna stop feeling fragmented. Because you're not making a thousand decisions based on different criteria. You're making one decision based on one clear criteria. And then I want you to do a whole life check-in instead of separate to-do list. So I think most women have like a work to do list, a home to-do list, and that again will create silos. Instead, spend 15 minutes looking at your whole week. What do you want to accomplish professionally? What do you want to accomplish at home? What do you want to accomplish civically? What do you want to accomplish for yourself? So your body, your hobbies, your growth. And then ask, how do they all feed each other? Where can you compress? Where can you create some connective tissue? And I know it sounds really small, but it's the difference between running three separate races and running one race that has multiple legs. So, like for me on my whiteboard, I have literally everything going on. So, like, I don't know, on Monday, like I have like pick up dog food, I have to pick up a picture. I bought off a Facebook marketplace, but like I also have a local leader lab meeting tonight. That's that's all like on there. And so I really want you to look at your whole life and look at the through line of it, look at where there is connection here. I think that matters. Okay. And then third thing I want you to do is speak up once this month in a space where you would normally stay quiet. So school is starting. I don't, so I don't care if it's a PTA, a town council meeting, a board meeting, a conversation with your partner's family, right? The only way cellular is break down is if you show up as a whole person in every space. And honestly, I would encourage you to like look at your city council agenda and look at your county commissioner agenda. Look at your school board agenda. So I know here close by in Southeast Georgia, we have a lot going on. There's a lot going on. So like my county put a basically like a ban on data centers in county land. Now the city can do what it wants, but the county land cannot. Meanwhile, the county right next to me just blindsided their people with a data center. They gave one day notice that they were going to do this. And so, and they had the school board back it and announce it. And so, what I want to say is like look at the agenda, see what's coming up, see, see what you can get involved in. It's, I think it's so important. And here's the thing, you don't have to have the perfect thing to say, but you do have to say something, right? Let people know that you have opinions, that you're thinking, that you belong in the conversation. And I say all this to say, like, this is why the well of society exists, because I keep watching women compartmentalize themselves into smaller and smaller pieces. And I thought, like, what if there was a space you didn't have to do that? What if there's a space where we treated your home and your civic life and your professional life and your style as one integrated system? Right. I don't want to teach you to be a better employee. I want to teach you how to be a whole high impact woman in every single room that you walk into. And so I'm just gonna like tell you about this really quick. There are two monthly QA labs, right? So this is time where you can ask questions about any part of your life. And again, we treat all of it as leadership. So, like I just had a call the other day. We just did one last week, and we spent like 45 minutes dissecting her LinkedIn and how she wants to show. That's it. We were like, how do you want to show up? And we really broke down like what she thinks of herself and how how she wants other people to think of her. I just dropped some training in there on your building your personal brand and how you want to show up and what are people asking of you and how are people talking about you in the room that you're not in yet? Right. Then we have a monthly book club, which we are gonna start, I think in September. I was waiting to find out like what my school schedule would be. It's weird. My university started classes on a Wednesday this year, and my program only goes to class every other week. So we're like, if we go to class that first week, then we're missing two days, and then we won't have class for like for that class for three weeks. So anyway, I'm trying to figure that all out. Like we literally haven't made a decision yet. And so once I know what the schedule looks like, which I should know in the next like week or so, then we're gonna have monthly book clubs where we're reading things that feed your mind across all of the roles you hold, but also we're reading fiction. We're reading fiction because I think that it's important. And so, and then we have this curriculum itself, right? So built so everything kind of connects. So, like your leadership identity statement that you're gonna do in the first like set of trainings shows up in every single lesson that follows, which there's like 40 currently, that will walk you through literally like who you are today to who you want to be. And we are literally building out who you want to be over the span of a couple of months together, which I'm excited. And so we're we're not building separate skills, we're building one integrated woman. And so, if that hits for you, like because you're tired of being fragmented and you know you're capable more by not splitting yourself into pieces, like that is what the well of society is for. It's where we turn that tension into a system. And so I want to just put that out here because on is it Saturday? Saturday is the first, August 1st is the end. Like, that is the my founding price goes away. So here's what I want to say on August 1st, this moves to a membership model. As of right now, as to between when you listen to this and what is it, Friday the 31st, you can join for one, like a one-time payment. One time payment, it's $3.97. One time, you never get charged again. After that, it is moving to a monthly membership. So literally, like that link will be dead on probably by like, let's just be honest, I'll probably cut it off by like 8 a.m. on Saturday, August 1st. So if you want in, the link is in the show notes. You can join before Saturday, August 1st for one time and not pay a membership fee. If you want to join after, which is fine, it'll be $97 a month because you are literally getting three live calls every single month. And then there, we are literally building a legacy for you. So I don't want you to operate in silos. I don't want you to exist in this weird space where you have to fragment yourself. That is so unhealthy, and I don't want you to do that. So if you know the well of society is for you, either click the link in the show notes to join or send me a message and we can talk about if it's the right fit for you. But I'm telling you, some of the women that are in this community are doing really cool things already. Like they are one woman is we're talking about like creating a health fest, like the first ever health festival for her community. Doesn't exist, and she's like, I want to do this. And so it's really cool to see what people are doing in this space and the visions they have, and then the way they're caring for themselves and the way they're showing up differently and speaking out and really getting involved in their space. So I'm very, very excited about it. I want you to be excited too. So if you know this is for you, come join us before the first to pay. Again, it's one time, one time, $3.97, and then it moves to a membership model on August 1st. They literally will not be able to get in at the founding price again. So I want to just share that with you if it's for you. And hopefully, I'll see you inside the well of society. Please leave a review of the show. It's very helpful. Share it with your friends who are fragmented and operating as 17 different versions of herself. And I will see you next time. I'm really excited for next week's interview. It's with Dr. Faye. She's amazing. So you're, I promise you're going to really enjoy next week's episode. And I will see you then. Too delayed.