Wellness In Every Season

Family Drama Relationship

• Autumn Carter • Season 1 • Episode 168

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The holidays have a way of pulling us back into old roles—sometimes before we even realize we’ve put the mask on.


In this solo episode of Wellness in Every Season, Autumn Carter explores what happens when personal growth meets family dynamics—especially during the high-stress holiday season. Inspired by a powerful coaching session, this conversation weaves together relationships, perfectionism, energy management, and authenticity, offering a grounded and compassionate look at why being around family can feel so emotionally exhausting.


Autumn talks honestly about how we often revert to outdated versions of ourselves to keep the peace, how judgment (ours or theirs) quietly drains our energy, and why trying to appear “perfect” in relationships usually backfires. She invites listeners to consider a different approach—one rooted in curiosity over judgment, intention over reactivity, and love without self-abandonment.


You’ll hear practical strategies for protecting and replenishing your emotional energy before and after family gatherings, reframing triggering interactions, and choosing connection without forcing alignment. Autumn also introduces a powerful mindset shift: a mistake does not mean you are the mistake—and neither are the people around you frozen in who they used to be.


This episode is especially for anyone navigating complicated family relationships, grieving during the holidays, or feeling stretched thin by expectations. It’s a reminder that doing less, being more intentional, and leading with compassion—especially toward yourself—can change everything.


Follow Autumn on Instagram and Facebook @wellnessineveryseason, and explore more resources at wellnessineveryseason.com.


For more wellness tips and exclusive content, join my newsletter! Sign up now at https://wellness-in-every-season.kit.com/5-days-to-mastering-mornings-and-evenings receive a free 5-day guide called "Awaken and Unwind: 5 Days to Mastering Life's Mornings and Evenings."

This is episode 168. I'm so glad you guys are here. Christmas is around the corner. We're spending a lot of family time, a lot's coming up. During this time. I've been coaching people about this and one call that I had in particular, we had a coaching session all about this.

He was talking about how he has changed and evolved and so has his significant other, but family members aren't seeing that. Maybe it's also that he has not seen how these family members have changed and evolved. That's an interesting thought. We tend to wear masks when we go back to visit our family to fit back in the role.

They end up putting on their masks and it becomes this whole thing.

Welcome to Wellness. In every season, we talk all things wellness, to help you align yourself, align with your goals, find balance in your life, and just recalibrate yourself if you are listening for the first time. Welcome, welcome. I'm so glad you're here, and let's get started in the rest of the podcast.

So along with that, I'm gonna put in two other topics. I'm gonna make them into this nice little package for you. So we're talking about relationships, we're talking about perfectionism. Showing that we're perfect in this relationships or wearing masks, and let's talk about how exhausting that is.

So welcome. I'm glad you're here. I am so glad that you're taking the time to listen, especially during this busy holiday season of high stress, of relationship drama, of overspending, of not enough daylight there's a lot going on, so let's take a minute and let's just hand over your heart. Do you feel it? You're still alive. Still beating, still breathing. You still have the opportunity to make your life better.

Remember that there are those that truly see you, truly love you, and that the saying that blood is thicker than water isn't always true. Relationships are hard, and it seems like the hardest ones are the ones that are related to you by blood. You didn't quite choose them or not at all chose them, but they're in your family tree.

You feel obligated to spend time with them. How do you make it as easy as possible? How do you give yourself a sense of safety to the point where you aren't looking for validation anymore? You're willing to show your true self, even if it causes those in your life, to reevaluate their idea of you, their judgments of the world, their.

Political beliefs and maybe because the age I am, maybe it's always been this way, but I feel like anything political is so polarized nowadays. Things that don't need to be are, and there are so many topics that are. Ticking time bombs, minesweeper style, right? You don't know where you're gonna step, and all of a sudden there's something there.

So how do we show up as our authentic selves? What would that look like for you? What would that feel like? How do you get to the point of. Open curiosity without judgment.

How do you get to the point of not forcing them to feel the same way? That's the kicker, isn't it? Let me give you some ideas that you can try on and take it or leave it. What if, well, you're actually. Feeling is your own judgment of them, because oftentimes we aren't taking the time to really feel and understand their intention, not your intention, their intention.

We're too busy talking, maybe not just with our mouth, with our body language, and we're not doing enough time listening. And listening with our heart instead of our brain. So with our heart is where we're understanding the intention. We're understanding how they grew up, the experiences that they've had that have led them to have this bias.

Let's be honest, we all have biases. We all have judgments. It's so frustrating. I would love to get rid of so many of mine. I'm working actively to get rid of mine. And others are as well. Maybe they aren't working actively, but life is working on them to change it, and that's more painful sometimes. So how do we get rid of our own judgment to the point where we don't care how the others in our family think and feel about us in the judgment way.

We don't care about their judgments of us. But we care about them and we can still show them love the people that I am most attracted to, and I mean attracted to like a magnet, not attracted to like, I want to date you 'cause I already got my guy. But the people I'm most attracted to are those that make me feel seen and heard and loved.

Even if, and maybe especially if. They don't align with me on my beliefs, my morals, my values, my political whatever. They're not my echo chamber. Those are the people I'm drawn to because those are the ones that make me question myself with love that open up my curiosity we need more people like that in the world?

And whenever we say that and we feel that way, we're thinking other people need to be that way instead of us being that way ourselves. And honestly, it can be so hard and so emotionally exhausting. This is something that came up in the call being around people who are energy vampires. We all have people in our family like this.

We all have people at work like this that we have to spend time with or we feel like we have to, right? We can switch jobs. We can choose not to go to that family dinner. We can choose these things, but we're gonna be around people like that in the grocery store line at the gas station, whatever.

What can we do after we've spent time with people like this? To rebuild our energy is that idea. If we go back to block scheduling, it's taking the things that require similar areas of your brain and putting them in the schedule together. So maybe scheduling all of your meetings to happen in one day.

So you get all of that over with, and all the blah is outta the way, or maybe you're energized by meetings and it's fine. Depends on the type of meetings for me. Or you're gonna have one day of super deep, intense research, so your next day is gonna be a lighter day to make up for that. So it's scheduling your days like that.

That's the very bird's eye view of it. So you can think of it in that same way with your energy. This thing is going to deplete a lot of my energy, my emotional energy. So afterwards, I am going to watch one of my favorite Hallmark movie. So you're giving yourself.

A reward, something that will refill you, or I am going to go out for, after Christmas hike. My aunts used to do that, when I was growing up, it was a lot of fun. Sometimes I join her. I think that's the only time we got along together, to be honest. She was a hard one to get along with. So what can you do to reward yourself?

Go take a bath. Get that extra magnesium or you're just gonna go to bed early or have a glass of wine and go to bed early. I know some people who do that. Showing up as my true self is an option. Taking stock of my energy, what it will be, and making sure that I am depositing back into my energy bank.

What about prevention on the front side? What about learning more about them and maybe doing a little bit of research into topics that they're interested in, that you're curious about? Topics that feel safe. So you already are coming into it with things to discuss with them. You're already saying, okay, this is the lane that we're gonna be in, and I'm gonna ask these questions about them, and I'm gonna get to know them in a deeper way.

I'm gonna get to know what their hidden, talented. Maybe it could also be, I know this is going to deplete me, so I'm going to put deposits into my energy bank ahead of time. What could those things look like? What do you need to do? It's that idea of if you're taking care of yourself before and after this, that you're not gonna binge out on something that you need self-care wise.

Think of it like food eating, where you, wanted a little bit of ice cream, but then you overeat on the ice cream or TV binging. You only wanted to watch one episode, but you ended up watching the whole thing. That's why I like shorter episodes. 'cause I have to say, if I started, I have to finish it.

So what can you do to take care of yourself on a deep level? Maybe sharing some of those things with others who also struggle with that like, Hey, I'm interested in doing these things, or do you know anything about it? You can start these conversations, but sometimes we are so invested in looking at this thing that we don't want to discuss that we end up discussing it with them.

My father-in-law has shared this story many times, and it's funny because it's so true. My husband's side of the family is into dirt biking and when my father-in-law was in college, he was on this trail and there was this boulder right off the side, he was so focused on not hitting the boulder he was so focused on it that he hit the boulder. We all do this in our lives, so maybe if we focus instead on the trail that we want to be on relationship wise with them, we can stay on it. So how does this tie in with the idea of perfection

sometimes we are so focused on showing this perfect view of ourselves that it feels so inauthentic. That mask feels so thick to others that they don't wanna give you any validation or credit or really want to talk to, and they're giving you snarky comments instead. And if they're anything like me, they don't have a poker face, so they might not be saying things that they feel, but it's totally showing up.

And the thing is, even if they have a good poker face, you can still feel the energy coming off of them. Love is a powerful emotion and that vibration can be felt loathing. Can be felt too. We can feel these things and this is an innate sense that was given to us back, like caveman time, right?

So when we are like first put on the earth, Adam and Eve, if you wanna go religious wise, we were given that ability because it gave us that ability to know, are we safe, are we not? The fight, flight, freeze V. So

when we are being our true selves and showing our flaws and allowing others the opportunity to say, oh, that sucks. I've experienced that. Okay, well how did you overcome it? You can have that conversation. How many times have you been around somebody who you thought you had them nailed down,

you made the whole story up and then you start to get to know them and you realize you were completely wrong. I've had people like that too. It can happen within your own family, especially because we aren't remembering that they have the chance to evolve and overcome and become better. And that goes with my next thought.

And my next thought is that making the mistake does not mean you are the mistake. Remember that going into all these family gatherings, especially if you've done something where you feel like the family's still talking behind your back or maybe to your face, not sure which one's worse, they both suck.

You feel like others are judging you, or maybe it's the other way around and you're judging them. Remember that the mistake, this is the mistake. You're not the same. Okay? And it goes back to we are allowed to evolve and become our true version of ourselves who we're meant to become. That is what this journey is about,

gabby's Dollhouse saying, I have young kids, sorry, not sorry there, but I really like how she adds yet to the end of her sentences. I don't know this yet. I can't do that yet. Maybe instead of can't just take that out and say, I'm learning how to do this. So remember that we have the chance. Beautiful. Awful.

It's a mix to make mistakes. We are learning so it's yet, and we need to allow others that space. And when we allow others that space, they naturally allow us that space as well. And it can be so hard when we're around people who are in our family and they're bigots and they just don't wanna see the other side.

But what I've noticed. Within those families that when you are willing to love them and try to understand them,

they wanna do the same for you. They wanna love you right back. And that circles back to what we're gonna be talking about in a couple weeks. Love is so powerful. And if we all felt loved. It would change this world in such a big, beautiful way. When we truly feel loved and seen, we allow that for others, and it just is this pay it forward thing that is just absolutely beautiful, creates a ripple effect.

So make sure you're spending time discovering yourself, being self intimate, really getting to know yourself, really loving yourself. Showing up that way in your life, sharing that with others, sharing love, trying to understand them, trying to understand their hidden talent, their hidden interests, what their fears are, seeing how you can help them with the things that they're willing to have help on.

Would you like help with that? Ask that question and remembering that relationships are hard, but they're worth it. And that it's okay to not want to spend as much time with somebody who depletes your energy and that it's even more okay to do things to offset that energy depletion. We need to do that because otherwise we burn ourselves out in this world

more people who are healthy and well off because it makes us want to help other people become healthy and well off and give that space to them. So if you are really struggling throughout this holiday season, you're not alone. I see you. I love you and I know it's difficult. I know that we miss people during this season that are no longer in our lives.

We try to shove too much into this holiday season. We try to get less sleep to make it all work out. We try to spend more to make it all work out, but there is so much power in doing less and focusing more on being more intentional, on being more loving, on being more kind, especially to ourselves.

And that we can practice more self-forgiveness and that it's all worth it, that we are learning so much on this journey and becoming so much better for it, that

we can bring light to the world in the darkest season, which is now anyway. I will see you guys in the next episode.

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope that you found the answers that you needed, and you had some amazing aha moments. Please share this episode with others because it helps us align ourselves and then better align the world so that we can seek the healing that we really are looking for as part of the legal language.

I am a certified life coach with a Bachelor's in Applied Health. That is what I am leaning on for this. This is general advice. Take it as such. See you in the next episode.