Healing from Trauma and Grief

What if grief and trauma are not the end of your story, but the place where healing begins?

In this episode of Wellness in Every Season, Autumn Carter speaks with Marcia Earhart, founder of The Sterling Rose Sanctuary, trained educator, certified life, grief, trauma, brain, and mental health first responder coach, mediator, HeartSync minister, author, and speaker.

Marcia shares her deeply personal journey after the loss of her oldest son in 2014 and the murder of her second oldest son in 2019. Through these unimaginable losses, she found a calling to help others move through grief and trauma with hope, faith, and intentional healing.

Together, Autumn and Marcia explore the difference between grief and trauma, how the body carries pain, why perspective shapes the healing journey, and how people can begin to release what has kept them stuck. This conversation gently reminds listeners that healing does not mean forgetting. It means learning how to live, breathe, connect, and experience joy again.

Listeners can connect with Marcia at www.thesterlingrosesanctuary.us, on Instagram @thesterlingrosesanctuary, Facebook, LinkedIn, and YouTube. Her book, Gripping Grace in the Garden of Grief, is also available for those seeking a companion through grief and trauma.

For more wellness tips and exclusive content, join my newsletter! Sign up now at https://wellness-in-every-season.kit.com/5-days-to-mastering-mornings-and-evenings receive a free 5-day guide called "Awaken and Unwind: 5 Days to Mastering Life's Mornings and Evenings." 

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:02

This is episode 217. We are talking about healing from grief and trauma. Welcome to Wellness in Every Season. We talk all things wellness to help you align yourself, align with your goals, find balance in your life, and just recalibrate yourself. If you are listening for the first time, welcome, welcome. I'm so glad you're here. And let's get started in the rest of the podcast. Today I have with me Marsha Earhart, and I'm excited for this one. I know I say that every episode. I nerd out on this time with. But this is something that I have personal experience, and I know so many people who have experienced it, and I get stuck. And it can go on for decades. So this is always timely to talk about and always needed. So let me back up and introduce Marsha a little bit more. She is a Greek trauma and mental health coach. And she has gone through this journey herself after the loss of her oldest son in 2014. And she said she wanted to be a part of the solution to bring hope and healing to those suffering from grief and trauma when something like that happened. For you, yours did in so many ways. So, first of all, thank you for being here. I know that this will bring up things for you as well as healing to discuss this. And I want to start by saying how much I appreciate you being here and how much I appreciate finding purpose through your grief and your trauma and bringing healing to others, your own healing. That is amazing, and it is a very sacred responsibility that you've been given. And I hope through doing that you can feel the spirit of your son.

SPEAKER_02 2:09

Where do you want to start with this? Because I know this is such a sensitive and spiritually enlightening topic.

SPEAKER_00 2:21

And in 2019, our second oldest was murdered with his girlfriend from an estranged boyfriend of hers.

SPEAKER_01 2:32

That's right. I remember this in my email. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:36

So we have dealt with grief on multiple levels and layers because each loss has different aspects of those layers. And so I think it is fair to say that our rel the way we grieve is based on, I believe, the relationship, if it's a person that we had with the person, how close we were, how intimate we were with them, or how distant we were. Someone's missing. And for me, that's okay. That part's gone, but the memories that are holding into that place last with me forever. So there's a comfort, and I really do believe there is an exchange in grief that we come in to release so we can receive. Now, whether we're willing to receive the grace from God, that's a whole nother subject. And for our family, we have a very intimate relationship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. So our journey really was about pressing in and asking, would you show me the beauty in the midst of this being broken open and this pouring out of pain that is so palpable? And in those moments when you're breathless and you just don't know how you can keep going, we saw him show up. We saw beautiful things. I feel the veil was pulled back for us to be able to enter beauty in the midst of being broken open.

SPEAKER_01 6:17

What does this look like for people you have coached that maybe they've been struggling with this for decades?

SPEAKER_00 6:26

So when you started, you were talking about there are people that may hold on to this for years. I have some of those people that have been here. And when they start expressing that grief, you may have thought it just happened and it could have been 15-20 years. But sadly, when there's the kind of emotion attached and the sorrow after 15-20 years, that person really has been robbed of living life in the fullness, of being able to return to a place of joy because of the negative emotions that they have allowed to consume their lives. So when I'm working with a client, we're unpacking the thorns so they can appreciate each petal in the rose. Because you cannot have the rose without the thorn. And for people who are coming in with brush grief, quite often they're coming because they don't want to encounter a spirit of grief versus those who already may already have a spirit of grief. They really want to live in experiencing the grief with hope. And we can experience grief with hope. And that place may look very different for each person based on the emotions they're feeling, whether they're in fight, flight, freeze, fawn, whether they're angry, there's lack of forgiveness, there's so many things. But we we put it all in this and we we look at it. What is your goal? Because they're coming for healing. So we set into the place where only they can be healed by the one who heals, and we start that process, and we embrace the tools, the strategies, the how-to's in this place, even the why-tos, because there are a lot of questions that people come in when they're grieving, and they can ask the father every single one of those questions, he can handle, and he'll give an answer if he deems that one needs an answer, or he will give them peace or rest, but he will give them he is the healer. So my clients that come, the ones I have, are coming because they really want to live in their creative design again, they want to breathe again, to move again, and live again. And that is so exciting. Because what they're saying is, I don't want to live in the tree of death or be consumed, but I want to live from the tree of life and not just somehow, but victoriously. That's what we do. We get them in the place where they can live in the tree of life sustainably.

SPEAKER_01 10:43

Kind of goes with my very first episode that I ever did, which is still my most listening to For you, what would the difference between working with you versus a therapist be? And when, when we are stuck in the cement tree, when do we choose? That question didn't come out quite right, but I know what you're asking. Which we should take. That's a better question.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

This is what I'm going to say. If you want to go and just talk about your story, go to a therapist. If you want to talk about and have healing in your story, then you come to me. Because your talking is going to be to the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. And they're going to be, there's going to be aspects of healing that happen within the story because you're telling the story. It's important that we talk our story and tell our story because it takes it from the brain to hear. It's necessary. However, they're not coming to tell me the story. I take them in the presence of the Father, and they can tell the story of their pain, the story of their lack of forgiveness, of their anger, of their shame, their guilt, whatever it is that's in this story. And I am present, I am holding space for them. And I am cradling the space for them. And I'm walking with them. But the Lord's doing all the work in and through the process through what we do in the sanctuary. For a therapist, the therapist, and I know that side very well, you're going to go and talk and tell your story. The therapist is going to ask you some key questions. You're going to answer those questions. And then she'll say, or he will say, okay, your 50 minutes are up. That's not what you're doing here. When we go in and we take the anxiety that's come from a tragic loss, we're going in and we're, this is what's happening. I'm feeling anxious. And you're telling the Lord, I'm feeling anxious. I'm not able to sleep. And I say, well, could you just ask the Lord, what would life look like if you weren't anxious anymore over this? And they asked, and the Lord would say, Rest. You would have rest. Could you ask the Lord, what can I do with this anxiety? And Jesus says, Give it to me, because I was meant to carry it.

SPEAKER_02 13:46

You are never meant to carry it. It's mine.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

And then there's the exchange, and I say, Anxiety, do you want to release yourself to Jesus?

SPEAKER_02 14:03

Yes. Lots of tears.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Because anxiety's been overwhelming. It's been impacting my soul, my body, my physical body is feeling the anxiousness.

SPEAKER_02 14:22

So I say, Well, can I just pray for you to release that?

SPEAKER_00 14:28

Yeah. So we go to a releasing it that's very cathartic for an individual. And Jesus is saying, Give it to me. And they will say, I can see myself, or Jesus took it, or it just, and sometimes they describe what it looks like leaving, which is it was this bunched-up little black blob, or it was this frayed-looking little child that went, or I mean, it's just amazing because everybody has different things in the way that they process it. And we sever from any generational component, and we sever from any vow that has been spoken or spoken over. We have to understand in grief, you people have a propensity to speak vows. I will never get over. I'm always, yes, I'm always gonna feel let them alone. And I'm like, okay, do you do realize when you're saying that you're speaking a vow over yourself? I am, yeah. And your body's gonna line up with that because you've just told your body you're never, and you're always now. If I'm gonna say always, I'm always gonna be able to return to joy. I love that because my body now hears we're always gonna be able to return to joy, and we're gonna do it healthily. Because yeah, because the mind and the body, the soul and the spirit, they all come together. But if they're fractured and they're fighting, we have this war going against one another, then that's when the maladies of sickness and we have mental health problems because we are starting, the body keeps the score, it takes it on. We all know the the adage, the body keeps it does. And so quite often we'll see people with many illnesses, they can't move, they can't walk, they can't run, they're struggling with their health because of the grief. So my job is to take someone into the presence of a healer. If they are not a believer, I still can take them in to be healed because they're using my capacity to be healed. I have as many non-Christians as I do Christians, because the reality is Jesus came to heal all people. All he didn't say only people that profess my name. He said all. So he's healing all people. That's the most incredible aspect of his character, because he does not want any to be walking without the hope that he has for them. And see, depending on someone's spiritual stand, I do believe that the enemy Satan is here to kill, steal, and destroy us. And he's gonna try and do everything he can to keep us at the tree of death. He's gonna want to pull us into that pit and make us think we can never, we will always. Because he's a liar. And when do you choose? You ask the question, when do you choose? I think from the very beginning, when the grief starts, you choose. You choose from that moment, okay. How am I gonna walk this out? Am I gonna be intentional? Because time's not gonna heal me, but intentionality will heal me. You have a question.

SPEAKER_01 18:37

No, that's true.

SPEAKER_00 18:39

Okay, I saw you, I saw you looking.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 18:44

But you have to choose, I think, and that's what dictates the rest of their days, unless something comes in, or someone comes in and says, Hey, I just want to let you know I love you, and I feel like maybe you could benefit from some healing. Now, you may lose a friend because you spoke truth, or the friend may go, thank you, Autumn. You know, I think I might need to look at that and think what that looks like. Either way, you can lose a friend, and by that I mean they're already lost if they're dead in the tree of death, if they're not living life. So at this point, you have nothing to lose, but to love them well and say, Hey, in loving you, I want to be part of your healing. How can I support you?

SPEAKER_01 19:46

And sometimes you're on that journey just to tell them something's wrong.

SPEAKER_00 19:50

That's right. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 19:52

Human, we need to hear it several times. So it might be they blow you off, and then in their healing journey they come back.

SPEAKER_02 20:00

No. So what is the difference between trauma and grief?

SPEAKER_01 20:05

Because they very much hold hands. So talk about that. And do you work with people who just have trauma and not agree? And how do you both okay?

SPEAKER_00 20:14

Let me explain trauma. I think I'm gonna do this to the story if it's okay, not with with the definition. I work with a lot of individuals who have been sexually ritually abused as well as who have had sexual abuse, emotional abuse. Like me. Okay. So as a child, when you are molested, first of all, the mind cannot perceive, nor the body understand contextually what is going on because, and I'm talking about a young child, there's not a context for this, and so the trauma of that, there's a trauma, it's impacted them emotionally, physically, it can spiritually, and sexually. What happens in that instance is there are things when there is an act that is enforced upon you that comes in, and like you're not a child anymore. It has hijacked you from your childhood. So there are fears that come in, there's awareness, but not awareness like an adult would have, because you don't have the verbiage, you don't have the context to be able to process and understand this, or even talk about it. Quite often. So the part that is trauma is that I'm reliving. I grow up, and what is wrong starts defining me from my trauma that I must have done something. I I and so now I have a fear, I have a shame, I have a guilt because I don't know what I did, but I must have done something. And so you start living from that place. And there's grief because you lost something that was not supposed to be taken away from you, your childhood. So we've got grief, and we have the act of the trauma itself. And the two now are in the same body, and it's vying, both of them vying for space. How do I deal with the trauma? How do and you can't even again quite often I've got trauma and I've got grief. I actually helped child part from that time and those actions to bring to have healing from the act itself, the action, and to be able to grieve the loss of their childhood, and to bring them in the presence of the Lord to restore them to the way they were meant to be. So trauma is something that has happened that has impacted the mind, body, soul, and spirit to where it is reacting out of that, and it can be triggered. It could be by an individual who walks in a room, looks like smells, has a voice, any kind of motion that look, I mean, and we don't realize because it's coming from the amygdala, the stored trauma is. That's right.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

It was amazing to realize, oh, because there's so many times where in my own life, and yes, some people I've coached, but always go back to me because I'm the lived experience. I've lived this.

SPEAKER_02 25:19

Remember that I'm safe.

SPEAKER_01 25:21

Do the the safe safety tools that I've learned from the safe beefers. So here's my question that I know the answer to, that I know the listeners might not is do you have to relive these moments? Because sometimes in therapy, depending on what therapy you use, you have to relive it in a full. I've done that start a plateau. And then I took on a somatic coat. And what you're talking about is somatic. So answer that before I start something in an answer.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

To answer your question, absolutely no, you do not have to relive that. When we go in the presence of the Father, and I have so many individuals who have been sexually abused, what I will say to them, because they're like, I want to know. Sometimes they want to know certain things. And what I will say is, sweetie, could we ask the Lord if that's something that you need to know? Is that okay if we ask? And because he's a good father, this is what the father will do. If you need to know, he's gonna take your hand and he's gonna walk with you. And if it's something you don't need to know, guess what? He's gonna take your hand and he's gonna walk with you. And he's gonna take you in the healing either way. Some need to have that he needs sometimes for them to know, and here's why. I want to address the person, listen to this. Because the perception of what you're living out is not an accurate one, and he wants to reframe it from a truth perspective. So the person who's carried the shame and the guilt, and he takes them into that situation, and he shows them that the person who was doing what they were doing, they get to see that person, it had nothing to do with me at all. It was the person they were they came in angry, there was something already going on, and so he's allowing for this to be reframed now so that when I'm healed, I have the right brain.

SPEAKER_01 27:54

Where's the best place to find you?

SPEAKER_00 27:56

www.thlingrose sanctuary.us. And it's US because I believe it takes us as a community to restore and bring full healing to all people.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Any last thoughts if we close out?

SPEAKER_00 28:16

I have a book, Gripping Grace in the Garden of Grief, which really is a very helpful tool for people who've had trauma who are grieving. It's been called a companion to the grief and the trauma because it's gentle, but it's also realistic as to the pain one feels when they have grief. And anyone who's been traumed has grief.

SPEAKER_02 28:44

I've done that where I keep trying to go back. It's in the show story.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

And I know for myself that I've gone through workbooks to help me with it, and it makes a huge difference.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

And this doesn't even a workbook, it's really this is my own account, the very raw visceral account of my grieving. And so it's really for the person to know there's someone like me.

unknown 29:14

Not alone.

SPEAKER_00 29:15

Yeah, I'm not alone. I someone else feels this way. They've walked this journey and they are living life at Canaan. And I really talk about in the book, I just think it's so important when we go through these horrific times in our life, we get to walk out with treasures from the dark. It's the beauty that comes from those those dark moments. And those treasures actually some of those things are part of my weapon for the next trial.

SPEAKER_01 30:12

Or just to help somebody else. We're like a trial similar to something I've been through here.

SPEAKER_00 30:19

Yes. And just like I said, when I started, we lost a son. Well, guess what? We had been walking five years, we had some treasures already from the five years, we use those to walk right back into that second loss.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

So there's purpose that comes from the painful places that we go through.

SPEAKER_00 30:46

And again, we have to choose whether we want to receive the purpose out of it, or we want to declare that it's purposeless and ask why and all the questions and become the victim. We're not ever the victim. We may be victimized by somebody, but we're not the victim. And I know for people, I hey, I get it, but you don't understand this happened and that. Yes, I do understand, but I also know that you have victory and you stand for victory if you're choosing to remain a victim, then you have already said it's over, game over.

SPEAKER_01 31:39

And that sounds better than saying you're a survivor. Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:44

You want to do more than that. Yeah, I don't want to survive. You want to thrive. And that's all I don't I don't want to just survive. I want to thrive in this life. And when I go home, I want every aspect of every ounce of what I've had used up. I don't want to be sitting back somewhere because I didn't want to get out there again because I could lose, I could hurt. I deal with people that come in the sanctuary with all sorts of losses that they're grieving. It's finances, it's the reality that I'm, you know, estrangement right now is such a big deal that I'm not able to be with my children and my grandchildren because they've decided to cut me off. There's so many right now that are grieving these losses that are in their lives. Even the but the game is not over. So you gotta get in the game, stay in the game, and it's part of life. Like no one ever said life was gonna be easy. I don't ever, I've never read that ever.

SPEAKER_01 32:54

And easy is actually kind of boring. It's hard to remember that when you're going through the trial.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

Well, I mean, we don't want trials all the time, but I do have to say, what I think Autumn and I are talking about, we do want to live a life that is challenged in the sense that we're growing, that we're maturing, that we are knowing that there's that transformation that's ongoing, the renewal that's ongoing. We don't have to go and make some traumatic event, but the reality is she and I can tell you it's gonna keep happening. And we're all going to die.

SPEAKER_01 33:28

Yes. The definition of full life, I think, is what you just said.

unknown 33:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:34

So well, thank you. Just one person started opening up to me. I was like, I didn't even I asked how you were doing, and he could tell that I was really listening to him, and he just started unloading about grief that he had over family members who had died a long time ago. And this was recent, and I was just wow, I wasn't even in a coaching headspace. It was just somebody at church, and I really wanted to know how they were doing. Somebody that I want to get to know better, that I value, that my husband really liked. And all I did was ask how he's doing. And that's the thing is that when we really care about people, all we have to do is ask. And especially if somebody is hurting, they will end up kind of word-bombing on you, getting it out. And this is when you have the opportunity to share an episode like this. Like, here, I have a resource for you.

SPEAKER_00 34:32

Well, but I think the other part of that autumn is he saw that you were holding space for him to tell him. And I don't want to overlook that because I need the audience to understand it takes a special individual to hold space. Sadly, the world doesn't do that well. We should be trained to do it well. But what you did is you he knew he had a safe place and that you held space and you really were listening to his heart. Thank you for being that person that people can open their life to and know they can be heard, that their story is validated, and that there is hope. Because that's what you're staying when you're standing there, that's what you are doing.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

I'm here with you, I'm gonna be here, and there's hope in this.

SPEAKER_01 35:34

And he absolutely thanked me afterwards that we really needed that and everything else. And I told him that I would follow up with them, and I've given him a little bit of space, and he actually is on in my notebook, follow up. His name right there, and I will definitely, like I said, be sharing this episode. So don't let me be the only one sharing the episode. Looking at all of you that are watching and listening, because there are so many people who are struggling with this, and like I said, it could be fresh, it could be all yes, and sometimes we have, and like she said, that we will have something that will progress, and we realize oh, that's something that is not healed.

SPEAKER_00 36:15

And I want to tag onto something you said because I think it's important. When Autumn said that he's on her list to check up on, it's not because she needs to make a list, it's because she's very busy and she wants to make sure that she circles back. If anybody's ever entrusted something to any of you who are listening, please circle back. Please circle back and let them know you're still with them, that you are still interested and you're wanting, and if nothing else, to just be praying for them or let them know that, hey, I just want you to know, I've been thinking about you. We really, as a culture, have to get better about that. If people did that, I think it would really lessen the mental health crisis we're in today. And the reason I say that is because people who come to me feel they're alone, they don't have anyone to talk to. And this is our culture. This is not just Ethiopia, and that people are too distracted to be present. Now, that's something about us as a people. So we are here to have relationships one with one with another. So please start prioritizing, and if you want to be part of the solution, then do the little things like autumn, just just ask with intention, listen, and follow up.

SPEAKER_01 37:53

And if you're a religious soul, pray. Absolutely, or meditate, whatever.

SPEAKER_00 37:59

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Works for you in your spiritual wellness. But when means come to mind, write them down.

SPEAKER_00 38:06

Yes. Yes. And and again, I mean, even in praying, really let it just be a prayer about what they said. You know, it doesn't go. I mean, sometimes people want to spiritualize things. People don't need things spiritualized, they don't need five, you know, verses that are accompanying through the prayer. They really need to know that they're the one that's mattering, what they said. How are you? Yes, yes. So I just I really am praying, and my desire is that through the Sterling Rose Sanctuary, we have more people who become part of the solution and because they can heal. And what I'm gonna say, we all know that unhealed people find unhealed people, but I'd say healed people, and so I really want everyone to receive healing so they can go heal people because that's what I believe we should be living in a healed world.

SPEAKER_01 39:05

Love it, and that is a perfect way to end. Thank you so much for you listeners for being here and for Marcia being here. This has been amazing and so needed. And I hope all of you can feel a little more seen and a bigger oxhell from all the that that's softening within your body, within your mind, in your spirit. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 39:28

Thank you, Autumn. I appreciate it, honey.

SPEAKER_01 39:32

Thank you so much for listening to this episode. I hope that you found the answers that you needed and you had some amazing aha moments. Please share this episode with others because it helps us align ourselves and then better align the world so that we can seek the healing that we really are looking for. As part of the legal language, I am a certified life coach with a bachelor's and applied health. That is what I am leaning on for this. This is general advice to.