Hello everyone and welcome back to another episode of Your Birth Bestie podcast! Thank you so much for being here today. And if I had to guess, you’re probably currently pregnant, preparing for your upcoming hospital birth, and maybe overwhelmed with the fact that you can’t control your own birth. Nobody knows exactly when they’ll go into labor, what their birth story will be like, and how everything will unfold. And that can be both exciting but maybe terrifying for some people, and a lot of people. But I don’t want you to think that just because you can’t predict your birth, you can still be in control of it, and that’s what we’ll be talking about today.

I was one of those people at the end of pregnancy just so anxious, but excited, and full of questions. But I didn’t know that I could have answers and have prepared for certain things, so I think personally that’s where a lot of my fear of uncertainty came from initially. So first of all, I want to let you know you are not at all alone in feeling this way, and also reassure you, that you don’t have to continue feeling out of control or anxiously anticipating fears of childbirth, if that is what’s happening. 

Of course my view on birth is that it is a beautiful, transformative experience, but of course we have no idea how it is going to play out, so I want to give you insight on three specific things regarding navigating the journey of preparing for a hospital birth with confidence, despite the uncertainties. And to outline these, we’ll be talking about embracing the unknown, making informed-decisions, and building resilience. 

So if this sounds good to you, please keep on listening, and if it is helpful for you, send this episode to a friend! I love finding new podcasts my friends recommend, so hopefully you will do the same and spread this information to other pregnant mamas out there who would be interested too!

So let’s first talk about embracing the unknown. When I was preparing for the birth of my first baby, let’s just say I was over confident and less than prepared. I was in nursing school at the time and felt like having taken a hospital birth class and being in a maternity class actually at the same time I was pregnant gave me a good idea of what to expect. So I didn’t feel like there was uncertainty… but then I had an awful experience and felt completely jipped of my dream birth experience. There was a lot of guilt that came later and a lot of sadness and grief around the birth I wish I would have had.

Then I was pregnant with my second baby 2 years later, was a labor and delivery nurse and enrolled in midwifery school at the time, and my eyes had been opened up to both the possibility of hospital birth, that it could be incredible, but also I knew the ins and outs of the hospital system, different interventions, hospital policy, and all the things I had no idea I should have even considered to look into when I was pregnant with my first baby. 

But because I was a part of so many mamas birth stories, I knew the good, the bad, and the ugly. And I knew that you could make the best birth plan in the world and prepare and hope everything turns out exactly the way you hoped, but there was a much more likely chance that something would come up, big or small, and you’d have to be flexible and pivot. So knowing this and having experience as a birthworker, the unpredictability of labor and delivery was one of the most challenging aspects to prepare for. But here are three tangible things you need to keep in mind.

You must trust your body, first and foremost, and remember that your body has been preparing for this moment for many months. Your body naturally knows what to do, even if your mind is unsure. So I really encourage you to trust the process and your instincts. 

But, I want to throw out a big disclaimer here… sometimes things happen during pregnancy that we could have never foreseen, and we can’t just trust things to be okay and that birth is natural and it’ll all figure itself out. We sometimes have to take action. But knowing when to sit back and when to intervene medically has a lot more to do with individual choice than policy or anything like that. And this week I have been talking with a pregnant mama and our conversation inspired me to talk more about this. 

Because as a birthworker, I often collaborate with many people online or during in-person events, and a lot of time the narrative is that all medical treatment is bad and there is always an agenda being pushed by the provider. Someone may support a mom with a high-risk pregnancy or potential concern with a response like “have you looked into this or that in trying to avoid xyz, or are interventions truly necessary?” or even anecdotal things like “I know many women who had a home birth and a healthy baby who was x pounds, when they were born and that’s just the way your body made them, so just trust.” This to me is so scary because just like providers maybe put all women in a box with a certain BMI or certain criteria regarding blood sugar levels or blood pressure readings… they’re doing the same by saying EVERYONE can have an untouched birth with no intervention. And that’s simply not true. And that is perfectly okay and that’s why I love talking to moms like her, so she has the support to pivot to scenarios she maybe hadn’t thought for herself like induction or cesarean. We try to avoid these things, but can’t always, so let’s make them the best experience possible, right?

And that is a great segue to remind you that flexibility during your birth is key. Birth plans are great, but definitely be prepared to adapt to your plan. This is why I like to refer to birth plans as birth preferences, because I want to know what you want as a supporter in your pregnancy and birth, and know how to adapt with you to make the experience as positive as possible. Unexpected circumstances can come up, so it’s really important to be open to different birthing options and interventions if necessary, and know that you have choices.

I also want you to lean on your support team! Surround yourself with a support network that understands your wishes and can advocate for you when you might not be able to. Their encouragement and presence can make all the difference, as you are navigating labor and delivery in the moment. 

The next thing to navigate the journey of preparing for a hospital birth with confidence, despite the uncertainties that I want to talk about, is informed-decision making. And making choices can be intimidating, but here are a few tips to make it hopefully much easier. 

And the first thing seems obvious, but I’ve found many pregnant moms don’t think they need to take a childbirth class. I’m not one to call anyone outt, but if you want to have the best experience for you, you really have to find a class that hits all your key wants in your ideal birth. For me, my framework is autonomy, birth mindset, releasing fears, and knowing your options to make informed decisions. 

Yes, in my online birth course I talk about the usual stages of labor, pushing techniques, pain coping strategies, creating a birth plan, etc. but if you’re looking for more information on advocating for your birth rights and feeling confident in the choices that you make, that you wouldn’t get in a hospital course, there are other options out there too.

Also, when you are taking a birth course or during prenatal appointments, please please don’t hesitate to ask your healthcare provider questions. Whether it’s about pain management options, procedures, or potential complications, having a clear understanding will help you make choices that fit best with your preferences.

Some of my favorite to remember to ask are: How do you support a natural, physiologic birth? What medical treatments or monitoring do you routinely use for all women? How do you handle long labor? Can I refuse cervical checks? Do you think the kind of birth I’m hoping for is possible?

These questions alone will give you a really good idea of what your provider values and if your informed consent is a priority. We want to be sure you are empowered to make informed decisions, so asking questions is great! I have a longer document with questions to consider asking your provider as well as guidance on who to facilitate conversations with your provider to make sure you’re wishes are listened to and understood. The link to find that download is bethconnors.com/questions.

And then the last thing to be sure you’re actually learning about your options and making informed decisions, is to plan ahead and create a birth plan. Before I mentioned that being flexible is great, having a birth plan can help you communicate your wishes to anyone caring for you, so I recommend both! Be sure to talk with your provider about your choices ahead of time and make sure they understand your priorities. If anything comes up they don’t think they will be able to accommodate, this gives you a chance to figure it out and have time to think, that you wouldn’t of had if you had to make that split-second decision in the moment. 

And the last piece of navigating the journey of preparing for a hospital birth with confidence, despite uncertainty, is building resilience. Pregnancy and birth can be a physically and emotionally taxing experience, and resilience is essential. But here’s how to cultivate it.

The first way to do this is through mental preparedness. Consider mindfulness practice, meditation, or birthing affirmations to kep a positive mindset during labor. Even visualizing your birth experience going smoothly can help you reduce anxiety as you’re envisioning it all play out. It takes away that element of uncertainty if you can play through certain scenarios too and builds confidence. One phone app I recommend to all my clients is Insight Timer, which is a meditation app with free guided meditations which I love. So that’s an option to help with your mindfulness preparation for sure.

I also want to bring your attention to postpartum support. Making sure you have postpartum plans made is just as important as the support you had during pregnancy and during birth, but it is so often forgotten about. I know with my first baby, I had zero thoughts about postpartum. I just thought I’d have a baby like everyone does and that was the end of my journey. I would be a mom and my energy would be refocused to the baby. And sure that is true, but just as your baby needs love and care, so do mothers! Don’t be afraid to lean on friends, families, and connect with professionals to help you process your birth experience and adapt to motherhood. It’s not easy and you don’t have to do it alone! 

This brings me to the last point about building resilience and that is self-compassion. I want you to understand that no matter how your birth unfolds, you are a warrior and you are going to be an incredible mother. Be kind to yourself and remember that every birth story is unique and your feelings about whatever happened are valid.

Even if you didn’t have a “traumatic birth”, you may have had an amazing birth, but one small thing to someone else didn’t happen for you and it is upsetting. For me, that was not seeing my baby and holding her skin-to-skin for the first hour of her life. I didn’t know I should have advocated to have her right away and they waited until I was stitched up to give her to me, but there were complications so I didn’t even get to see her. That to me is probably the thing that makes me the most upset about my entirely awful first birth. I just felt silly for not having asked to see her, knowing what I do now. Or if you really didn’t want an epidural but you choose that for yourself during birth, that is perfectly okay! It’s okay to feel frustrated, but it’s also perfectly okay that your birth plan had to pivot and know in the moment that was what was best for you, and the fact you advocated for what you needed is great! I’m not saying you can’t feel guilty or sad, because that is valid, but I want you to give yourself grace and remember you are incredible and you should be proud of your experience birthing your baby!

Thank you so much for joining me today on Your Birth Bestie podcast. If you enjoyed this episode, you’ll, want to head over to bethconnors.com/choices and download my number one free resource, ‘15 Hidden Hospital Birth Choices Every Pregnant Mom Should Know From Your First Appointment To Your Last’. With this information you will be able to eliminate any surprises and take charge of your hospital birth. Please remember you're not alone in this journey. Embrace the unknown, make informed decisions, and build resilience. Your birth experience is a chapter in the incredible story of motherhood, and I am here to support you every step of the way!