EP 88: The Promise to Live: Hope, Suicide Prevention, and Finding Connection When Life Hurts with Brandy Vega

I talk with Brandy Vega, founder of Promise2Live, about turning a family suicide crisis into a practical, global approach to hope and connection. We share specific ways to interrupt suicidal thoughts, find help fast, and build a safety net that holds even when life still feels hard. 

• Brandy’s story of her daughter’s suicide attempts and the shame that kept the first one hidden 
• Why people often want pain to end, not life to end 
• Making the Promise to Live as a commitment to pause and reach out 
• Taking suicide off the table as a mindset shift and a safety step 
• Simple check-ins that work, including “How are you really doing?” 
• The ASK framework: acknowledge, support, keep in touch 
• Pocket Hugs as a tangible reminder of worth and resources 
• Building community connection so support is not a one-time moment 
• Finding trusted crisis resources in one place, including 988 and online tools 
• What recovery can look like afterward, including white-knuckling, DBT skills, and daily practices 

We invite you to make the promise to live. 

Links

Website: Promise2Live.org

Instagram: @Promise2LiveOfficial

YouTube: @Promise2Live

Bio

Today's guest is Brandy Vega, founder of Promise2Live, a global movement dedicated to suicide prevention, mental health awareness, and meaningful human connection. After nearly losing her own daughter to suicide, Brandy turned her pain into purpose and has since helped reach millions worldwide with a simple but powerful message: Make the Promise to Live.

Brandy is an Army veteran, former television journalist, entrepreneur, humanitarian, and a mother and wife. Through Promise2Live, she has helped distribute tens of thousands of Pocket Hugs, launched community mental health initiatives, hosted global livestreams, and inspired people in more than 100 countries to choose hope, connection, and purpose.

Her mission is simple: to help people know they are not alone and to deliver hope, help, healing, and resources to those who need it most.

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Transcript

A Second Chance And A Vow

SPEAKER_01 0:00

As I was praying for a miracle, I heard this voice say, Brandy, I will give you a second chance. There will not be a third. What will you do? And that kind of stopped me in my tracks. I was like, because we already had her first suicide attempt and she got through it. And this is her second. I'll give you a second chance. There will not be a third. And I just said, I'll do anything. And I heard the voice say anything. And I said, anything. Just save my child. And literally within one hour, she woke up and was fully functional.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Welcome to the Upside of Bipolar, where we uncover the true sources of bipolar symptoms and share proven tools for recovery. I'm your host, Michelle Reitinger, number one international best-selling author of the Upside of Bipolar Seven Steps to Heal Your Disorder. In this podcast, I bring you solo insights from my journey and guest interviews with leading researchers and experts. Join us to transform chaos into hope and reclaim your life. Let's heal together.

Meet Brandy Vega And Promise

SPEAKER_00 1:11

Welcome to the Upside of Bipolar. I am your host, Michelle Reitinger, and I have a phenomenal guest today. I am so excited to welcome Brandi Vega, who is the founder of Promise to Live, a global movement dedicated to suicide prevention, mental health awareness, and meaningful human connection. After nearly losing her own daughter to suicide, Brandy turned her pain into purpose and has since helped reach millions worldwide with a simple, powerful message: make the Promise to Live. Brandi is an Army veteran, former television journalist, entrepreneur, humanitarian, and a mother and wife. Through Promise to Live, she has helped distribute tens of thousands of pocket hugs, launched community mental health initiatives, hosted global live streams, and inspired people in more than 100 countries to choose hope, connection, and purpose. Her mission is simple: to help people know they are not alone and to deliver hope, help, healing, and resources to those that need it most. Brandy, I am so excited to have you on the program today. Thank you so much for joining me. I'm excited to be on yours.

SPEAKER_01 2:16

I love what you're doing and the work with bipolar so important. My oldest daughter is diagnosed with bipolar as well.

Early Life And A Turning Point

SPEAKER_00 2:23

Well, let's start with your story.

SPEAKER_01 2:25

Okay, that's uh it's like, where do you even begin? I mean, if you dive back into the depths of Brandyland, uh, there's a lot going on. I was born initially in Arizona. My parents were very young and teen parents. My mom raised us kind of on our own. And so I learned the value of hard work and knowing what it's like not to have much. Um, I ended up going through some of my own struggles. And actually, I had a suicide attempt at 12. And I remember feeling so just dark and heavy. And halfway through my attempt, I heard a voice say, Your mom can't handle this. My mom always worked so hard for us and loved us. And that was kind of the thing that stopped me. So I was always very passionate about mental health and suicide prevention. In in my career, when I was 10 years old, I knew I wanted to be a broadcast journalist in public affairs. That was my dream. I was looking at the news and I thought, I want to do that job. I want to be on TV. And so that was kind of my path. Started in junior high high school doing broadcast, graduated early from high school to join the army as a broadcast journalist and public affairs specialist. And I had a great career in the military. Got to travel all over, interviewed the president of the United States. I worked at the War College, I got to work with Condi Rice, Don Rumsfeld, General Shinseki, and a lot of people deployed over to Kosovo, Serbia, Macedonia, Croatia, did a lot of time over there, covered the world military games, which is like the Olympics for the military. Did that, even had an opportunity to start reporting for Fox News at just 20 years old. I was the youngest reporter they had ever had, and it was just great. So my career was kind of in media and marketing. I got out of the military, I had my daughter, and then I had another daughter down the road. Found myself as a single mom, always passionate about suicide prevention and mental health because of my own personal experience. In fact, I taught with the attorney general and I would go to schools and talk about suicide prevention and mental health. I did videos on it. And then it happened to me.

A Daughter’s Attempts And The Stigma

SPEAKER_01 4:38

You know, I didn't see it coming. My my middle child, all of a sudden, you know, it's it's going into junior high. It's a hard time, struggling with just all the different things, you know, junior high, puberty, uh, whatever. And I knew all the signs and things to look for, but I didn't see it coming. And uh, she tried to take her life at just 12 years old. And the first time, I think because of the shock and the shame and the stigma, Michelle, we just buried it like a deep, dirty, dark secret. You know, I didn't want anyone to know because I thought people are gonna think I'm such a terrible person. I'm working too much. I built my studio, I built my nonprofit, I do a lot of work in the community. I was volunteering at the hospital doing nobody dies and grief support and spiritual care and things. I also had adopted my son through foster care as a single mom. I got my foster care license. I adopted a baby who was born addicted to a lot of things. And then I was a surrogate for a family who could not have kids at, you know, 40, and that little girl's turning eight here this summer. So I had done all these things, and then my own daughter tried to take her life. And and the shame that came with that and the stigma, I just thought my kid must hate me in her life so much, she'd rather be dead. It's my fault. And I was too afraid to let anybody know. And I didn't talk about it, so we did. We buried it. And, you know, we had a conversation. She didn't really want too much help, but we tried. We tried some medication and counseling. Didn't seem to go anywhere. She didn't want to do it. So we had the talk, and I thought we were doing okay. Two years later, I woke up with police banging on my door in the middle of the night saying, Is this your kid? And I thought, oh no, what'd she do? Did she sneak out and go get in trouble? But thankfully her friend had had the courage to call 911. And police came and woke us up in the middle of the night and said, Go check on your daughter. And we found her before it was too late. And we we were able to get to primary children's. But when we got there, they had so many kids attempt suicide. They didn't even have a bed. And I remember just breaking down and and crying, and I was in the room. I was like, How did this happen? And I was with some doctors and nurses. They're like, we've never seen anything like this. We've had more suicide attempts than we have ever seen from kids eight to 18. And just that day, they had had over, I think, a dozen. And we're in there just going, My goodness, what is going on? Next day, same thing. I came in there, like we had another like round, and this is during pandemic, and they had another round of suicide attempts. And I went into my car because we didn't know for two days what her prognosis would be. Would she live? Would she be functional? Would she have issues? Like, we just didn't know. And I was praying and begging God for a miracle, and I went out to my car and I did the most vulnerable video of my life. I'm used to being on video. I was a news reporter. I did TV, like I did all this stuff. But when you share these things that are so personal and painful and vulnerable, it's scary. And I was sitting in my car at the hospital and I was searching at the hospital, trying to find resources. I couldn't find them. They were so scattered, and I was trying to reach out, and it was just a nightmare. So I got on my Facebook page, my personal, and I just said, I'm at the hospital. My kid attempted suicide. I'm normally here as a volunteer doing spiritual care. Nobody dies alone. Tonight I'm here as a mother. I need help. Where do I go? What do I do? And I knew some of my friends had been through it, but when you're in crisis, you can't remember who. And so I did that video, and on my personal page, it went viral overnight. Over 12,000 views just on my personal Facebook page. And I woke up in the morning to hundreds of messages from people, some I knew, um, and then I was like, yes, I do remember you went through that. Some I had never met, people had shared it. And I was blown away that I've been through this, I've lost someone, I'm struggling. And and I got this feedback in these messages. Well, that day I go back to the hospital and I'm still begging God, like, please just save my baby. Help me know what to do, help me help her. And I got a call from my friends at NBC. And they said, Brandy, will you please share your story on the news? I was like, are you kidding me right now? I was disgusted. I'm in the darkest, scariest place of my life. And you want me to go on TV and be like, yeah, my kid tried to kill herself. I don't know if she's gonna live. You know, I I was really upset by it, but I remembered that world because that was my world. And if it bleeds, it leads. That's kind of how media is. And I said, No way, I'm not talking about this. I was terrified. I didn't want to be the face or the voice. No, no, thank you. And that's what I told him. But I went back in the hospital and I'm I'm praying and I heard a voice. I don't know what people believe, but my belief, I believe in God, a higher power. And as I was praying for a miracle, I heard this voice say, Brandy, I will give you a second chance. There will not be a third. What will you do? And that kind of stopped me in my tracks. I was like, because we already had her first suicide attempt and she got through it. And this is her second. I'll give you a second chance. There will not be a third. And I just said, I'll do anything. And I heard the voice say anything, and I said, anything, just save my child. And literally within one hour, she woke up and was fully functional. And I knew that that I knew that was an answer to my prayer. I knew it was a miracle, and I knew that God had granted me that that. And that's kind of what's kept me going through the last five years, because there were days and times I wanted to give up. And so when she finally woke up, I said to her, um, well, the first thing I said is, Are you glad you're alive? Or do you really wish you would have died this time? And she said, Mom, I didn't really want to die, but it was too late. And this is what we know, Michelle, people don't want to die. They just want to kill the pain. And they don't know how to do it without taking their life.

The Promise To Reach Out

SPEAKER_01 10:56

And so, you know, long story short, after that, I said, Well, will you make me a promise that if you ever find yourself in that dark place, you'll reach out to me, a friend, a family member, uh, you know, like your teacher, safe you tea. And she said, Yeah. I said, I know you don't want to live. I know. I know you're struggling. But will you do it for me? And she said, Yes. And it was the power of a promise that I since learned that people who make a promise ahead of time are up to 60% more likely to keep it when it counts. And this has been our mission with Promise to Live. We get everyone everywhere, whether or not you struggle, to make a promise this very moment. And I would invite all of your listeners and viewers to pause and make us a promise right now that if you ever find yourself in a really dark or hard place without hope, that you promise you will reach out. It can be to a friend, a family member, a trusted resource, or 988. Can you make that promise? Just by simply making that promise. When we don't love ourselves enough, which is often the case, we love the person we made it for. Or we want to honor our integrity, our word. It's all we have. And so that's step number one. Step two is we connect people to trusted tools and resources in one place. I couldn't find them. I was looking everywhere. I didn't know where to go. And I was like, what is going on? So I've spent the last time building these resources. We waited three months for her appointment to see a psychologist, and she tried to end her life five days before it. People can't wait when they're in crisis. So we bridged the gap with AI mental health, self-guided tools and resources in one place so people can find them at promis to live.org. And then we build our community of connection. And there was a lot that went into it. You know, we did our first global broadcast on World Suicide Prevention Day, September 10th. And we reached my very first year 160,000 with hope and tools. The next year, 400,000. The next year we moved it to Hollywood, 3 million. Last year we reached 7 million. And this year on September 10th, we're going to be there. And our goal is 10 million. And our big campaign right now is 1 million hugs for hope. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 12:59

And I so just so everybody knows, I somebody connected me with Brandy, I think it's been about almost two months now ago. And when I heard about her mission, I it resonated so deeply with me. Because as my listeners know, I went through my first time that I contemplated suicide was when I was 12 years old. And I had a miraculous experience that helped me have a desire to live. And nothing was working. I just kept ending up in the hospital. Well, and I, and I'm watching my little children, my entire life I had wanted to be a mother. My whole life I'd wanted to be a mom. I'd looked forward to it, and I was ruining their life. Like that's what I was, I was certain of it in my mind and in my heart. I was watching my children suffer because of my struggles. And I became my unwell mind was trying to find a way to fix the problem. And the only solution it was presenting me at that point was ending things. And I became convinced that that was what was best for my children. And it was the day after my third hospitalization that I was watching my children play and had this really clear thought come into my mind that if I ever successfully ended ended my life, I would ruin my daughter's life. She was four years old at the time and it would ruin her life. And in that moment, I knew that it was true. And I remember being shocked by it.

SPEAKER_01 14:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:30

Because I was so sure that I was going to make everybody's lives better by leaving. But in that moment, I knew that was true. She she was a, you know, a little mother hen, and she wanted to help everybody be happy. And I knew that if I ended my life, she would think she'd done something wrong and it would ruin her life because she would believe it was her fault. So I became like determined to survive for her. I didn't think I had hope for any, you know, any better life for myself, but I knew that her life had value, even though I didn't think mine did. And I was willing to survive for her. And I will forever be grateful for that experience. And I think that that's one of the things that the the thing that resonated the most with me with your organization is the promise to live. We need something to tether us to life. There needs to be a reason to keep living because when people get to that point, and there's a lot of different, I've talked to a lot of different people. So there are a lot of different reasons why our minds convince us that this is what needs to happen. You know, sometimes it's despair and you just want the pain to end. Sometimes, you know, for me as a mom, my brain was like, you're ruining everybody's life and they're going to be better off if you're not here. You know, there are, there are people who are, you know, convinced that they are, they've done things in their lives that they will never recover from, nobody will ever love them, and that they don't, their life doesn't have value. I mean, there's a lot of different reasons why our brains convince us that this is the only option left. But we need to find a way to help people recognize it's not true. Your mind is lying to you. Well, and there is a reason to live.

SPEAKER_01 16:04

I try to tell people, and I I know this is a little controversial. I did a podcast and it has like 120,000 views already on it with mixed, mixed comments because I said this and I'll say it again. I take suicide off the table. Remove it from your mind as an option. We put it in there, a lot of people do, because we see it, we hear it, and we think that, well, that is an option. It is, it's the most horrible, painful, terrible option on the planet. In my in my mind, it's like, okay, well, you know, if you lose your job, you don't think, well, if I can't get a new job, maybe I'll just go rob a bank. Because you know the consequences are you could go to prison for life. You think about things, and it's like if somebody makes you really upset and you're very mad and you want revenge, you don't murder. Is it an option? Yes, it is, but it's a terrible option. Robbing a bank is a terrible option. Ending your life is a terrible option. It's it's horrible because of the pain and suffering it causes. And I know like people go, well, you shouldn't guilt me. You shouldn't tell me what I should and shouldn't do. But I'm here to tell you like the aftermath is so painful. And I know people don't want to do that. They think it'd be better. Nobody cares. That's the lie. That's a lie you tell yourself. That's a lie that the adversary tells you. Those are lies. So many people for every one death, there's 135 people who are impacted deeply. And so you think it doesn't matter. It does matter. Like if you can just convince yourself that no matter how bad it gets, I'll never do that. I'll never do that. We make promises, we make commitments when we get married. I'll never cheat, right? I'll be faithful. Whatever it is that we're doing, we have to convince ourselves that it's not an option. Because if we play with it and we put it in our mind as an option, our brain wants to keep going there thinking that you can. And so, you know, my advice is find whatever you can to remove that out of your brain as even an option. It can't be an option. When you get there, you know, pause. And I know some people won't make the promise to live, and I respect that because they just feel like they can't. But I say the promise is really a promise that you're gonna pause and you're gonna reach out. Just take a minute, breathe through it, reach out. I was at a funeral last week for a little 16-year-old girl who had a fight with her family and went and found a firearm. Her life was beautiful. I spoke at her funeral. There were hundreds of kids. We gave out 750 of our promise to live pocket hugs and had 750 people make the promise to live. It was a reaction. So remove the barriers that allow for quick reactions and long-term solutions to short-term issues and problems. Make sure you've got things locked up, put away. Talk to your kids about it. Talk to a therapist, take it off the table. Do everything you can to take it off. But also ask the people around you, look them in the eyes and say, make me a promise that if you struggle, you'll reach out. Because when we start talking about it, it stops the stigma. And when you actually ask, I have so many parents and and not just parents, because like the highest rate right now of suicides and attempted suicides are like 65 plus. You know, there's a lot of elderly people. But when you look them in the eye and you say, make me that promise, that means something to them. That might stop them from an impulsive decision. And the other good thing that people can do is say, you know, hey, Michelle, on a scale of one to 10, how are you feeling today? One being the worst and 10 being the best. How are you? And the other thing that we tell people is really add the word really. So if I say, hey, how are you? Everybody's gonna answer the same thing. Oh, I'm fine, I'm good. Live, laugh, love. But if I say, Michelle, how are you really doing? Yeah, that gives you permission. It lets you know I care. So if you want to know how people are, start asking, how are you really doing? But ask the people that you love to make you the promise. It's so key. And people can get pocket hugs online at our website. But even if you don't have a pocket hug, just having that conversation is key.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

Well, and and I think that opening up the conversation is so crucial because I my suicidal ideation didn't start the day that I made the attempt. It was going on for like a year and a half, you know, it and it started. I think that that's one of the challenges is, and I I do know that there are people who it didn't occur to them till they tried. So I'm not saying that everybody's like this, but I know a lot of people that think about it, it keeps coming into their mind and starts like it's this whisper in the back of your head, you know. And for me, it started out as nightmares. I had terrible nightmares about dying, and I would wake up feeling awful inside, you know, and then it started, you know, turned into daydreams where my mind would like present scenarios to me and I didn't want to tell anybody. I was really embarrassed and like ashamed that I was having those kinds of thoughts. And I'm like, I'm not telling anybody, they're gonna put me in the hospital. And so, but I one of the things that I always tell people is that allowing those thoughts to stay unchallenged is like having an intruder in your home that wants to kill you. And if you allow that intruder to stay, at some point they're going to make an attempt and they might be successful. And so it's so critical to have these conversations, to bring it out into the open because this is the kind of thing that thrives in darkness. It thrives in secrecy. It needs to be brought into the light.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

Yep. And simply having these conversations, you know, when I started to share our journey and our experience on social media, all of a sudden people started reaching out because I became a safe place. It's like, oh, brandy's. Really willing to talk about this. Maybe I can share. And she won't think I'm crazy or she won't judge me, or I've been through it. I was blown away because as we got out with Promise to Live and we started talking at schools and businesses and hosting our monthly mental health town halls with Silicon Slopes. We would talk to people, like the CEO of a company, and we'd sit down and he'd be like, Yeah, I lost my brother to suicide six months ago. And his whole team sitting there going, What, Bob? Like, you you did? I'm so sorry. You never said anything. And it's just like, it is. It's it's the shame and the stigma and this fear that if somebody you love dies, then you know, maybe you're responsible or maybe something's wrong. I got a gal on my team. My stepsister lost both of her sons to suicide. One of the ladies on our team lost all three of her sons to suicide. One of my volunteers at the hospital lost an entire generation in less than a year. The grandfather took his life, the grandson found him, the grandson took his life, and then the father took him. It's like a plague. It's contagious. And studies show that when one person dies by suicide, the odds of somebody else within the home or within the close social circle go up 60 to 80 percent. So as I'm speaking at this funeral last week of the 16-year-old, she lost both of her uncles. And here's her dad, and he's just struggling, and he's like, I don't know what I can do. So checking on those people is just key and critical. And I know I, you know, it's like when I share, because it is scary. I'm a successful business owner, I'm an entrepreneur, multi-million dollar company. People look at you and go, oh yeah, you're successful, you're great, you don't have any problems. And then it's like, well, I had a suicide attempt at 12. I almost lost my mom because she's got debilitating disease and pain, chronic pain, psoriatic arthritis, degenerative bone, all these things. She's had 20 plus surgeries. You know, there's days people like that don't want to live. And a few years ago, my mom was one of them. And then I have, you know, a sister who hit perimenopause and all of a sudden, like, didn't understand what was going on, but had the these feelings. And you start to talk about it, and then you're like, are people gonna think that we're all really messed up because we've had these? Then you start to talk, and it's like, no, I felt the same way. We went through the same thing. It's amazing how many people are directly impacted or indirectly. I mean, it's basically everyone. This is the biggest problem of our time because for every one suicide we have, and then the numbers are 730. That's reported from a couple of years ago. Most people average it's almost a million people a year that die by suicide. For every one death, Michelle, and I'm not here to be doom and gloom. I'm just trying to show the magnitude of the problem and why it's urgent that we act now because it could be you or somebody you love. For every one death, there's 32 attempts, 32 other people that attempt. That's 32 million a year. For every one death, 135 people are directly impact impacted. That's 135 million people that are directly impacted by this every year. And it's not just suicide. I I mean you you look at suicide, but like what we focus on is addiction, trauma, abuse, mental health, all these things because it's this vicious circle. So when we talk about suicide deaths, oh, somebody overdosed. Oh, was that a drug overdose or was that an intentional overdose? We don't know. You know, you just look at this and you go, okay, we have to do something now. And Da Vinci said it best. He said, I've been impressed with the urgency of doing. Knowing is not enough. We must be be willing. Being willing is not enough. We must do. So right now I challenge everyone to start doing something for yourself, for others. Like we have to act. And if you think it's not going to impact you, I hate to tell you you're wrong. It will. It's not if, it's when.

SPEAKER_00 26:06

Yeah.

Pocket Hugs And Being Seen

SPEAKER_00 26:07

So let's talk about. I I want to talk about you have some really great resources. You've mentioned the pocket hug. So can you tell people what a pocket hug is?

SPEAKER_01 26:15

I know. I was wishing I had one on me. I'm looking here because I have one right here. Oh, here we go. I have one in my desk okay. I was gonna say it's in there. So here's what happened with the pocket hug. And a lot of people don't know the backstory. You know, it's what happened is I started talking about this. I started doing Promise to Live. We had our social media campaigns, and one of my husband's childhood friends, I met her one time at his dad's funeral, and she followed me on social. And out of the blue, I guess she had gotten my address. She found it online, she sent it to my business. And it was this card, and it was just a handwritten card to say, Hey, Brandy, I just want you to know I admire the work you're doing, and I think it's amazing. I've been following you, but she but the card, the handwritten letter said, But how are you really doing? Does anybody ever check on you? And I'm like, wow, no, people don't generally check on me. And it meant a lot. And she sent me this little generic pocket hug. And I'd never seen one, but it was like the little disc and it had a heart on it. And then on the back it had the little poem that said, This is a pocket hug for me to you. When when times are tough, it's it's a hug, you know. And I was like, wow, this is really cool. So I took the coin, I put it in my pocket, and every time I touched it, I was like, huh, huh. You know, it just made me feel warm, it made me feel loved, it made me feel valued. And I had it in there for four or five weeks. And then my friend called me and said, My son just died. Will you speak at his funeral? And I met her because when I volunteered at the hospital, she also lost a daughter. And her daughter was about 35. She was a police dispatcher, and she died. They ruled it a suicide. But I was with her for four or five weeks on life support, and I got to know the family well. And so I spoke at her daughter's funeral. And then when her son died, she asked me to speak at her son's funeral, and she was inconsolable. And I was, I, you know, I was freaking out too. And I'm reaching in my pocket and I'm clasping this pocket hug that somebody sent me. And I was like, dang. And so I felt inspired to give it to her. And I reached out and I said, Kathy, somebody gave me this coin like four or five weeks ago. They sent it to me and it's brought me a lot of comfort. I want you to have it. And so I gave it to her right before the funeral. A week later, she messages me and she said, Brandy, I just want you to know what that coin did for me. She goes, That pocket hug got me through the hardest week of my entire life when I didn't want to get out of bed, when I thought I couldn't. It gave me comfort, it gave me courage, it gave me strength. And thank you so much. I felt like you were with me. And I felt like it just buoyed me up. I said, Wow, kind of did that for me too. What if I could create these and we could give them out? So I went back to my office and we created the Promise to Live pocket hug. So you can kind of see there, it says pocket hug, promise to live, and it has our website on the bottom. And the website has all of our tools and resources. On the back, it says, when times are tough and you don't know what to do, here's a hug from me to you. Call or text 988 if you're struggling. And so this went out, and so far we've given out about 120,000 of these in the last couple of years. And our mission this year is to give out 100,000 because when we give these out and we ask you to make the promise to live, which is the promise to reach out for help, you get one to keep and you get one to give. And that helps us create our community of connection.

SPEAKER_00 29:47

The first time I came to, so you you one of the resources that you have is you do these weekly forms or monthly forums, sorry, monthly forums, where you have different topics that will, you know, people will talk about last time. I think it was grief. That was so incredible. And the first time I came was the first time I got a pocket hug. And I remember as I was holding it thinking about it, I thought about what a powerful thing it is to have a physical reminder that somebody wants you here, right? That that your life matters because it's so easy for us to get so caught up in this all the turmoil in our minds, in our hearts, that we start to, you know, we're our we go outside of ourselves and we we don't be, you know, we feel um disconnected. Right. Right and and having a physical reminder that no, your life matters. We want you here. I want you here.

unknown 30:39

Right.

SPEAKER_00 30:40

That helps it helps us to have a physical thing to tether us back to to our reality, to life.

SPEAKER_01 30:46

It's tangible. You can feel it, you can hold it, you can every time you touch it, you remember, you remember the promise you made. You remember that you're amazing and you're awesome. I mean, I give these out all the time. I'll go to Maverick and grab a drink, or I'll go through the drive-thru or something. And before I leave, I'm like, hey, I hand it over and I said, I just want to give you a hug today. And they pick it up and they turn it over and they read it and they're like, How did you know I needed that? I said, Because all of us need to know that. And they'll get emotional and say, I've been struggling. It gives them the permission. And then I'll say, How many people are working with you? Go give them a hug for me. Sometimes all it takes is one person being seen, being noticed. I mean, I'm friends with Kevin Hines, if you know his story. He's one of the only ever survivors to jump off the Golden Gate Bridge. And he he was just 19 and he cried the whole way for miles, riding the bus and walking. And he said, If one person stops me, if one person noticed me, if somebody says something to me, I won't jump. And the whole time nobody did. And then he gets to the bridge, and one lady taps him on the shoulder and says, Excuse me. And he thinks, wow, I'm seeing. And he turns around and she says, Will you take our picture? He's crying and he takes their picture and then he went and jumped. And he said, The moment he jumped, he knew he didn't want to die and he made the biggest mistake of his life. Then all he wanted to do was survive. And it was wild because uh a sea lion buoyed him up until rescue could get there. But you know, he said it was just one sign. And we had an experience with a member on my team, most random experience. She calls a fast food place. She's looking for pickles of all things, and she calls and she says, I need pickles. And the lady was kind of sad and she noticed, she goes, Hey, how are you doing? She's like, I'm okay. She goes, No, no, no. How are you really doing? This is a phone call between one of my volunteers and a manager at a fast food restaurant. And she says, Actually, I'm not good. I was diagnosed with cancer today. I'm not good. And my friend goes in there and she gives her a big hug. And she didn't have any pocket hugs, but she does a 911 to our group and says, Is it anybody in the area with a pocket hug? And our Barb, who's our event manager, she shows up uh the next day, finds this manager, gives her the pocket hug, has her make the promise to live, gives her a big hug, and the lady says, You know what? I was gonna end my life. I was gonna end my life. I didn't think this was worth fighting for. And the good news is she's still here. She's still here because two promise to live volunteers cared enough to get her to make the promise to live, and she made that promise, and it got her through that dark moment of her life. You know, nobody knows what the next six months or six years are going to bring. And so it's critical that we make that promise and that we have a community and that we check on one another. And that's kind of what this does is when you're keeping it in there, it's just this reminder that somebody cared and here's where the resources are. You can go on here and find resources 24-7, free of charge in one place under Get

One Place To Find Help

SPEAKER_01 33:36

Help.

SPEAKER_00 33:36

Yeah, let's talk about what the resources are on there because I think one of the challenges is when you get to that level of hopelessness that you're really ready to do something drastic. Yeah, it feels like there's nothing left. You know, we we feel like there's, you know, this is, I just need the pain to end, I just need the suffering to end, I don't want to hurt people anymore. Whatever the rationale is that your unwell mind has come up with that has convinced you that this is the only option left. I think that we don't feel like there's any, you know, there's we really do believe that there's no other option. This is the only way to go. So, what kinds of resources do you have on your website that that you present to people that help them?

SPEAKER_01 34:16

So we partnered with Eliza Chat and new NUE. They offer mental health AI. So it's it's not therapy, but it is help, right? But it's an AI assistance that has it's by doctors and clinicians and psychologists, and it's contained. So anybody can go in there and chat and share what they're feeling, and they're gonna get good advice and good feedback. So that's available. And what we've what we found and what they've said is that eight out of 10 people would prefer to do something that way than have a conversation. We partnered with Blumquist Hell. They provide, you know, mental health solutions for about 500,000 people across our state. And they've been gracious enough to say, here you go. And so we're we're in the process right now. You know, everything takes money and time. So we've been putting the money and time in to get the API solutions in there where people can have access to hundreds of videos by doctors and clinicians and counselors and that will address things like burnout, PTSD, postpartum. I I mean, name it, like they've got expert advice, that's self-guided therapy. We have all of the AFSP, NAMI, Jed, Trevor, Safe UT, live on. We put all these in one place, the VA resources. We're working with a 24-7 telehealth company to get those resources on there so that when people say I'm struggling, they're not waiting, you know, six weeks to 18 months. They can go there and at least bridge the gap. We're not saying this is the solution for everyone. But one of the other things I've been trying to find, I've been on a mission the last five years because I realize not it's not one size fits all. Right. You know, for some people, talk therapy is great. For some people, medication is great, for some people, hypnotherapy, hydrotherapy, ketamine, microdosing. There's a ton of different modalities, I think, that are out there, but often people don't know about them. You know, I've got a really good friend whose son had a migraine for four years, couldn't fix it, and ended up at 22, taking his life. But but now there's medications and there's treatments and there's things. So we try to find hope and resources that maybe people haven't heard of, and even simple things. Like I was talking to a doctor who runs a postpartum clinic in the Midwest, and he was telling me something that you don't even think about. And I'm like, why aren't we collaborating on this? Why doesn't the world know? Because there's things that are happening, like he said he had a hundred women who came in that were either suicidal, postpartum, or homicidal, really struggling. They ran blood tests and they found that every single one of these women had copper toxicity. They had toxic levels of copper in their blood. He said, I treated that and they all felt better and went home. So, you know, I'm going, well, what is that? What is, you know, where's the research on that? So part of my mission has been to dig in and see we have all these silos everywhere in mental health and suicide and depression and bipolar, like everybody's working in their silo. And I think that we just have to knock down the walls because the rising tide lifts us all. But we we can't do better if we don't know better. And so if people are working on their things here and either they're not getting the message out or they're not sharing it, or people just aren't finding it or hearing about it, then what? And this is what I'm finding is all over, there's great resources, there's great programs and research. But if people don't know where it is or where to find it, then what good is it actually doing? And that's been part of Promise to Live's mission is we want to capture everybody and we want to shift from awareness. We're all aware there's a problem. Yeah, we know about it. What are we doing? What is an action and accountability step? Make the promise to live. Takes 30 seconds to 60 seconds to get somebody to make a promise. Go on our website, make the promise. That accountability, huge. You know, if up to 60% of people are uh keep a promise they make, that's huge. Connecting them to the trusted tools and resources. Again, if they can't find them, so we've been trying to gather. So if people have those trusted tools and resources, and it's a work in progress. It takes time, effort, and money to get all these things on a website. And we try to go through it and make sure that what we're putting on there is good. We've been working with developers, so this is currently in process, but we want to put all of these resources in there and these articles for people in our newsletter that we're sending out to say, hey, have you thought about, you know, this treatment? Have you heard about that? Have you heard of? I mean, even simple things like what you're working on. Fragrances, there's so many different things. So we want to make sure that when you go to Promise to Live, I mean, essentially our goal, my goal, is that Promise to Live is like the Red Cross, but for mental health. You know, when crisis strikes anywhere around the world, people think of Red Cross and they show up and they help, but they deliver their hope and help after crisis. Promise to live is a pre-crisis. We want everyone to come to us everywhere, make the promise, be proactive, find the tools and resources and the community that you need for connection and hope before you get to that point. So we're always looking for partners, we're always looking for affiliates, we're looking at our sustainability model right now, which is like if there's a company that does fundraising, if they do roundups, if they do roll-up campaigns, if they do matching campaigns, you know, if if you want to donate a dollar per tire or $200 per mortgage or loan or household, there's just all kinds of things that we can do where it not only helps us be sustainable, but it helps them, you know, if you're coming to a tire shop and they say, hey, we care about you, not just your car and your tires. We care about your mental health. We invite you, we've partnered with Promise to Live to make a promise while you're sitting in the lobby. All the dental clinics, make a promise. Like we care about people, and it's all of our jobs, and we can all do something. And it can be as easy as having, you know, a vinyl or a banner or something in your office, giving people a coin with um a cone or you know what I mean, whatever it is, looking for partners to to really get involved and show that that as a community, we care and we're here and there are resources and you can talk about it. That is gonna help us save lives on a mass scale.

What Healing Looks Like After

SPEAKER_00 40:42

Yeah. And I want to talk a little bit about what it looks like when you make the promise to live. If you are right at the edge, if you are right there and you make the decision like I did, like I'm going to, I'm committing to survive for my daughter. The first year after that was white knuckling it, just hanging on for dear life. And so it doesn't, it's not like somehow magically everything goes away and everything gets better.

unknown 41:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 41:07

Yeah. But it's but it is the way that you think about things changes. It's a slight, it's a slight shift that just aims you in a different direction. And one of the things that I I will tell you for myself, and I have also heard from other people, and I'm not going to ask for specifics because I I honor the privacy of your daughter, but but she, I I would guess, based on I I did have the honor of meeting her, that she would be grateful that she didn't succeed. Oh, is that right? Yeah. Yeah. She has an incredible life now. Like she's and she's an incredible person. That's the thing that I I want, I would hope that there's a way to help people understand how much value their life, specifically, their life has, how much more they add to the world by just being here, and that they have more to offer. I really truly believe that. And my life, I like I wasn't capable of, I was barely surviving my life when I when I was at this point in my life. My kids were barely surviving. They were surviving on chicken nuggets most of the time because I didn't even have the energy to make food for them. You know, so it was chicken nuggets and, you know, grilled cheese sandwiches. But over time, as I, as my mind shifted in a different direction, and I thought at first it was just surviving. I was just going to survive for her. And then I had an experience where I thought, okay, nobody's coming to save you. You have got to find a way to save yourself. And the shift in that started me towards, okay, what do I need to do? How do I, how do I save myself? Like I feel like I've been doing everything the doctors told me to do and nothing's getting better. It's just getting worse. But because I changed the way that I looked at things and I reached out for help when I needed it, gradually I was able to find the tools and resources that help me to heal. And now I get to do that same thing for other people. And every single day of my life, I'm grateful to be here. I joke all the time. I'm like, I'm only in my second half. I'm living to be at least a hundred years old. So like I've got too much to do. So that is like a dramatic shift from not wanting to be here anymore to wanting to live as long as I possibly can so that I can help as many people as I possibly can. And so I think that that's one of the things I'd love to talk a little bit about is what it looks like afterwards. Because, like I said, it's not like all of a sudden things are better when you make that promise, but it does shift the way that you're looking at your life.

SPEAKER_01 43:23

It took years, you know, years of my daughter finally decided to get some medication. She decided to go to counseling. We worked through things, we talked openly, she adopted some of the training, like radical acceptance and some of the DBT training and stuff. And, you know, it was a few years later. We we had a very hard conversation about politics and taxes and all the things that adults hate to deal with, but she was moving out to adult. She graduated a year early on the honor roll. She moved out two weeks after she turned 18. She owns her own company right now. She builds professional mascots. She's an incredible artist at 19. And she looked at me after this conversation. I thought she was going to say, Mom, you're ridiculous. I don't want to talk about this stuff. And she just stared at me for a while and she goes, I can't wait to get old like you. And I cried because it was the first time in five years she said she saw a future. I mean, and I was old. I know that. So it kind of hurt. But I was like genuinely happy because it was literally the first time she had said she saw a future in her life and that she wanted to get old. And that meant so much to me. And she's at a point now, you know, it's a struggle running a company. She called me last week and she said, Mom, I can't do this. I'm not going to hurt myself. I want you to know I'm in a safe place. Like I'm I'm past that, but I'm struggling and I need help with my business. And so there's been good conversations like that. My friend Joe Tuyana with I Love You Bro, you know, he talked the guy off the bridge three, four years ago. The guy was gonna jump, he stopped, and he just loved him off the bridge. They maintained their friendship, and this past year he got married. Another friend of mine, his daughter was on suicide watch for 15 years. She just struggled all throughout her youth and teens and even into adulthood and just constant work and love and supervision. And she she got married and she just had her first baby. And I saw her at my gala the other day, and she was happy. You know, there's hope. Uh, one of my other friends, LGBTQ, struggled and was going to end his life. And now he's running a company and happy and successful. I think sometimes people think that it's not gonna get better. And I would just say the best is yet to come. And there's little things that you can do, there's little hacks that I've learned. I mean, I'm always studying and learning and growing and trying to say, okay, what can I do? Just because I'm doing this and I understand everything doesn't mean it's always roses. So, you know, in the morning, as soon as I wake up, I spend the first five minutes not looking on my phone. I just lay there and I meditate or I pray and I express gratitude. I'm thankful I woke up. I'm thankful my body works. I'm thankful I can walk. I'm thankful for air. I'm thankful for my home, that I have food, that I have a loving husband next to me, that I have kids, whatever it is, find things to be thankful for. And then and then shift the way you think about it. Instead of I was thinking, oh my gosh, I have to do this today. I've got this, I have that, oh, I have all these things to do. I have to. I shifted the way I thought about it that I get to. I'm lucky today. I get to be on your podcast, I get to go to a lunch with friends, I get to speak at a conference, I get to, I get to, I get to. It's a blessing that a lot of us don't have. And I actually just read a thing last night that I'm gonna start trying, and it's from a psychologist. And he said, before you go to bed at night, you can manifest and get your brain to work for you. Heal your brain while you sleep. By before you go to bed, you sit down and you write like three things. Things you're thankful for, what you want to accomplish, but in the present tense, I'm grateful that I have abundance. I'm grateful that I got the promotion at work. I'm grateful that my kids want to see me. You know, whatever it is. You sit there and you write these things, you write them down, and then you spend, you know, again, five minutes or whatever before you go to bed meditating or praying and thinking of these things. You read them, you say them, you feel them, you think them, and then you go to sleep. And if that's the last thing you think about, instead of, oh my gosh, I've got this, my taxes, my 1099s, what all do I have to do? You think about these things, then as you sleep, that's the channel your brain's on. So there's all these little things. I mean, getting out in nature, earthing, putting your feet in the sand, putting touching the grass, going for a walk up when when you talk about mental health and suicide prevention, at least for my daughter and and all the stuff, they said make a safety plan. Yeah. And I encourage people to do this. What's your safety plan? And I know mine, I this still is hard. There's some days that really stink. And I'm like, why am I doing this? It's a lot of work, it's it's hard, it's draining, all the things. And then I'm like, if I'm feeling it, I need ice cream. I want an Oreo blizzard. I'm gonna roll down the windows and I'm gonna turn up my music and I'm gonna drive fast. You know, like what are the things that do it for me? Am I gonna go hiking? Am I gonna listen to music? Am I gonna take a hot bath or shower? Am I gonna listen to good music? And I find that if you if you sit down and you write down all the things that actually bring you joy, bring you happiness, make you feel good, painting a picture, art, playing soccer, what is it that kind of gets you in that mode that you feel good? Write down those things and when you feel it start to creep in, kick it out and replace it with something better. And you know, I was going through some hard things this week, dealing with stuff, and and it's like you have these negative thoughts in your head, and they come in my head, but I'm like, I'm the boss of my body, I'm the boss of my mind. My hands don't move unless I tell them to move. I can sit here all day, and if they want to move, it's not happening unless I say move. Yeah, that's how it works. So, you know, I was getting these negative thoughts in my head, like, oh my gosh, I don't even want to say what it is, but it's like, screw that, screw me, you know, oh whatever. And I'm just replacing it. I'm thinking, okay, replace it. Bless me. Thank you. Bless him. I'm blessed. I'm trying to replace those. And I think it's our job, it's exercise, it takes work, you know. And one of the quotes that I repeat often, and a story I'll share with you before we go, is choose kindness, give grace, lead with love. I was working on a production, it was high stress, lots of people. I was one of the ones with seniority. We have a guy who's new, shows up late, has a bad attitude. You know, he walks in 15, 20 minutes late, terrible attitude. He's being rude and a jerk to everybody. And I'm noticing it and I'm getting very angry and worked up. And I was getting ready to go tell him off. Like, what is your problem? Why are you acting like this? Not welcome. You need to change it. And just as I'm walking over, you know, with a stride with that, I'm gonna let him have it. I went to talk to him and I got there, and it was like this download that said, Don't do that. Give him grace. And so instead of saying, What's your problem? I said, Mike, are you okay? And just that pause, he he stopped for a minute and he looked at me and he goes, No, actually, today's the anniversary of my wife's death, and my kids were really struggling this morning, and I just had a hard time. And he got tears in his eyes, and I got tears in my eyes, and I said, I'm so sorry, I didn't know. And I just stood there and I gave him a big hug, and we just stood in the middle of the production and just cried. And I often thought about how different that would have been if I walked up and said, What's your problem? You know, he he was in not a good, safe place. He was going through grief and loss and pain and struggle. And the way people treat you has nothing to do with you. It's a reflection of what they they're going through. That's what I always try to tell people. The way people treat you isn't about you, it's a reflection of what they're going through. And so he was treating people poorly and he was angry and mean because he was so sad. And and so that stuck out to me. And I just told myself, from here on out, I'm gonna choose kindness, I'm gonna give grace, I'm gonna lead with love because none of us knows what anyone else is going through. And you're never going to regret that. When I was racing, you know, 50 miles to get to the hospital, I was driving like an idiot. I know I was on the freeway. I was going 90, 100 miles an hour because I wanted to see my daughter before she passed because I thought she might not make it. So you see the car that's tailgating you, weaving in and out of traffic. It was me racing to see my daughter, not knowing if I'd ever get to see her again. And I think about that when somebody's tailgating me. Where are you going? What's going on in your life? Are you going through a divorce? Did you get a diagnosis? Is your life rough? Did your kids abandon you? You know, what what is it that's going on? And if people can just pause and say, you know what, life's hard. I get it. I'm just gonna give you grace when my food's late, when it's cold, when the people are driving, ridiculous, whatever it is they're going through, the clerk, the doctor, give them grace. Choose kindness, lead with love, because that's what you want. And so just pause, pause and choose that. It would be, I think, the best advice I could give anyone.

SPEAKER_00 52:22

Yeah, and and let reach out for connection. Like we talked about earlier. This thrives in the darkness. These kinds of thoughts, these kinds of feelings thrive in the darkness, and we have to expose them to light so that so that they die. And and have it takes a lot of courage to reach out to somebody to just say, I need help. I'm struggling, but please, please, please let us do that for you. Because my son wasn't so lucky. We weren't lucky with him. He succeeded in ending his life. And the grief that comes with that, the overwhelming grief that comes with that, and and the self-reproach, like I the guilt, the shame, you know, I the it it was so overwhelming. And my mind was constantly looking at every mistake I ever made as a mom, everything I ever did wrong for months and months and months. And thankfully I had somebody that uh had gone through the same thing that came to me, and and she told me that she had started writing letters to her son. And I started doing that. And as I did that, I started to heal. But man, I would have I would have done anything for him. I would have done anything for him, and and I wish that I had had the opportunity to help him. There's so many times when our unwell minds convince us that we are a burden, that that people don't want to hear our problems, they don't want to know about the things that we're struggling with. That's not true. It's a lie. It's a lie. Please have the courage. Take that courageous step of just reaching out and say, I need help. I'm struggling. And let people help you because we want to help you.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

And one thing too, Michelle, is, you know, if we could, we always say, Oh my gosh, I just love you to death. If we could love people to life, no one would die. You know, our kids, we'd do anything for them. And sometimes no matter how much you love them and how much you do, they still get to choose. We don't get to save everybody, but we can do our best trying. And I think that the last acronym for people that I'd like to share is ASK ASK. We partnered with MTV. This is one of the things that they teach. It's acknowledge, support, keep in touch. And it looks like this: you acknowledge the elephant in the room. You acknowledge the problem. Hey, Michelle, I know you lost your son. How are you really doing? Hey, I know you're going through a divorce. I know you lost your job. I know you're struggling with your mental health. I know politics are stressing you out. You acknowledge if you know what the pain point is, and you ask them how they're doing. People are afraid to ask the questions because they think they have to solve the problem. You don't. You just have to care and ask. So you acknowledge, and then you have support. And support is simple, not I'm gonna fix you. It's like, that must be so hard. I'm really sorry you went through that. I can't imagine your pain. It's a supportive comment of I see you, I honor you. I'm sharing that that is painful and I am sorry. That's it. And then the K is keep in touch. Will you check in with me next week or tomorrow? Can we go to lunch? It's giving somebody connection. It's letting them know that you're gonna check on them, that they're not alone, they have something to look forward to. So whether you're struggling or someone you know is struggling, ask, acknowledge, support, keep in touch. You don't have to be a doctor or a clinician to do that. You just have to care. People just want to know you're there. I love the saying when I was a kid that if we were supposed to talk more than we hear, we'd have two mouths and one ear. People just want to be heard. So you just say, hey, I see that you're going through this. That must be really hard. Can you catch up with me tomorrow as well? Can you check in and let me know how you're doing? Can we go for a walk, a drink, lunch, whatever it is? So if you're struggling, ask. Make the promise to live, choose kindness, give grace, lead with love, find the hope, find the resources. You're not broken. The people you love aren't broken. We're all going through something. And I promise you that there's hope, there's help, there's healing. It's on the other side. It will come. The best days are yet to come. And you can get through it no matter what. If you have just the tiny, tiniest inkling, there's help and it can get better. It does, it will. And I've seen it, seen it firsthand multiple times.

SPEAKER_00 56:46

Absolutely. Oh, Brandy, you're amazing. I am so thankful for what you're doing. I'm so thankful that I found you and I really appreciate you coming on today. This has been such a fantastic

How To Connect And Closing

SPEAKER_00 56:56

conversation. Where can people connect with you? If they want to get involved, if they want to get a pocket hug, where can they connect with you?

SPEAKER_01 57:03

Absolutely. Please thank you for having me. Go to promise the number two live.org, promisetolive.org. You can find me on LinkedIn, you can find me on Facebook under Brandy Vega, B-R-A-N-D-Y, Vega. On our website as well, we have volunteers. Start a chapter. We're launching chapters all over the country where people can build this movement, get training and education and help people where they are. We have ambassadors, um, all kinds of support on there. So go to our website, get involved there, find us online, find us at events. If you're in Utah, we do our monthly town halls. Those, of course, are also live streamed. You can find them later, but we love you. If we can hate for any reason, we can love for any reason. And I just want you to know that I love you and that you can do hard things and the world is better with you in it. And that goes for you too, Michelle. Keep up the great work. You're such a light, a force of good. And the more we talk about this, the more good we do. So thank you for your part.

SPEAKER_00 57:59

Thank you so much, Brandy. I will make sure everything is linked in the show notes. So make sure you go into the show notes, get connected, get a pocket hug. And I love that I love that they come in sets of two so that you get one for yourself, you make the promise to live, and then you get to give it to somebody else and invite them to make the promise to live as well. And I I challenge every one of my listeners, please make that promise. Will you please, please make the promise to live? Your life matters. You add value to the world, and we need you. Thank you so much, Brandy. Thank you. And still next time, upsiders. Thanks for joining me on the Upside of Bipolar. Your journey to recovery matters, and I'm grateful you're here. For more resources, visit www.theupsideofbipolar.com. If you're ready to dive deeper, grab my book, The Upside of Bipolar, Seven Steps to Heal Your Disorder. If you're ready to heal your symptoms, join my monthly membership, The Upsiders Tribe, to transform chaos into hope. Until next time, Upsiders