Gentry's Journey
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Gentry's Journey
Surviving What Tried To Kill Me
A quiet voice can carry a lifetime. Shanita Dawson joins us to trace a path from a toddler’s first memory of violence to an adult survivor who turned near-death into purpose, authorship, and advocacy. What begins with hard truths—molestation, decades of domestic abuse, and being shot multiple times—opens into a masterclass on recognizing control, trusting discernment, and building an exit before danger escalates.
We talk about the invisible forms of abuse that rarely get named: financial traps, spiritual manipulation, isolation disguised as care, and the seduction of the familiar. Shanita lays out the forces that keep people stuck—father wounds, shame, myths about “providing,” and family silence—and how writing her chapter in Our Journey From Girls To Women became a release valve and a roadmap. She shares how faith reframed her identity, how she parented with radical honesty, and how her son’s choices show what it looks like to break generational cycles with intention.
You’ll leave with practical tools: early warning signs that matter, what to document, why community must intervene, and how to prepare a safety plan that includes finances, documents, and a network that actually picks up the phone. We also dig into teen dating violence, school outreach, and the stark truth that shelters are often full—making hotlines and local networks critical lifelines. If you or someone you love is asking “Is this abuse?” this conversation offers language, steps, and hope you can act on today.
Listen, share with a friend who needs courage, and help us amplify survivor voices. If this moved you, subscribe, leave a review, and tell us: which insight will you carry forward?
Hello everyone. Thank you for joining Gentry's Journey. Our guest today is Shanita. Being Shanita. Being Shanita Dawson. Okay. So she's going to introduce herself to us, but she's going to talk about her being an author and a domestic abuse survivor. So Shanita, the floor is yours.
SPEAKER_02:Hello, everyone. My name is Shanita Dawson of Gore K. I'm a two-time award-winning author. I am a um pay-pro-V winner of a story I um contributed to Trauma Tried to Kill Me. And I'm a wife, a mother, and a grandmother of kids and kids, kids. And it's nice to be here today. I just want to give God the glory and the honor for allowing me to see this day to tell my story.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you so much, Janita, for uh sharing your story for being here. We are just really honored to have you, honestly. Now, let's talk about your two-time number one best-selling books first, and then we'll get into the other part of your story.
SPEAKER_02:Well, the first one is uh um my story, Trauma Tried to Kill Me was a contribution to uh journey from girls to women anthology. The second one was um the devotional for women in the waiting room.
SPEAKER_01:Okay.
SPEAKER_02:Um, I talked about being weak in faith. So yeah, that's what we the two books that I'm in so far.
SPEAKER_00:That's good. Now, how was your writing experience?
SPEAKER_02:Woo, um, the trauma tried to kill me. It took a lot out of me. It took me back down memory lane. Um, like I had the story there, I had been working on it for a while, but it's just putting it all together to put it on paper for everyone else to see. It was it was some triggering moments for me. Yes, it was. But in the end, when I was finished, complete, turned over all the paperwork, I felt like it was a blessing because it was relief off my shoulder that I didn't have to live in shame and guilt anymore about my situation.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. Um I can see that. Uh, sometimes when we talk about things, we get a release. Sometimes when we write about things, we get a release. So we need that release because we really don't. I just say as a whole, sometimes we don't realize what's bundled up inside of us. Uh, because we go on about life um as best we can. But once you put pen to paper, you know, that's a whole new ball game, you know, which is um, I'm glad you were able to do that to get that release so that you could go on, and then you know, sharing your story helps other people as well, yes, because we're all in this world together, but we never know what another individual is going through, okay, okay. So um tell us let's jump on in the trauma tried to kill me. No, you know what I'm gonna ask you first. Yes, the cousin podcast.
SPEAKER_02:Oh, I did forget to mention the cousin podcast. That's the best thing that has happened to me. Um, um, also I'm a part of the um what happens outside of love or cousins podcast production. So we talk about all things, Jesus Christ our Lord and Savior, um, about how we live outside of love because we're not, I'm gonna say in my words, we don't understand the true love of God, so we take the things outside because it's more comfortable, it's more you you can relate, it's relatable. So we talk about all things on there, what happens outside of love, which is Jesus' love first, and that's great.
SPEAKER_00:I have watched a few episodes, I think the other night, you guys come on a Tuesday, right?
SPEAKER_02:Yeah, we come on Tuesday, 6 p.m. Central Standard Time, which is 7 p.m. Eastern Standard Time.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, I uh Tuesday was the longest one that I was able to sit in. Usually I come in kind of late, so I do be like apologizing and saying I have my timer set and I still miss it, but I have been able to listen to I know at least three episodes, if not four. So I am really, really inspired by your you guys' podcast and the um you guys' versions of outside of love, what happens outside of love? Um, really interesting, really thought-provoking. So, you know, kudos to you all. You know, I congratulate you all on that, okay.
SPEAKER_02:Thank you, thank you.
SPEAKER_00:Thank you. You're more than welcome. Now, let's get into trauma tried to kill me.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, yes. So, if you haven't got the book, I suggest you go ahead and get the book. And you know it'll reach me if you need to buy the book. Um, I talk about my trauma early on in life as a toddler. And I talked about my first my first sign of abuse, uh my first time, my first sign of domestic violence was me as a toddler um witnessing some things that happened between my mom and her boyfriend at the time, which also affected me because he gave me a pet and he threw it down and squashed that little pet, you know. So that was my first experience of trauma. Then I go on to talk about being, you know, molested um as an adolescent, and then I go on to talk about in my adulthood um being abused by my ex-husband. So to sum it up, he I was shot multiple times. But before that incident happened, I endured a lot of abuse mentally, verbally, physically, financially, and emotionally. So I endured almost 25 years of on and off abuse from my ex-husband before the trauma tried to kill me happened when he shot me multiple times.
SPEAKER_00:Okay. Um, yes, and that is in was that a part of an anthology?
SPEAKER_02:Yes, it was. Um I I spoke a little on it from um our journey from girls to women, the anthology. And in that book, it it says trauma tried to kill me. That was the title of my story that I spoke on. Trauma tried to kill me.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, I do have that book, and but as you can see, I haven't got a stack of them, and I'm trying to get to them all. Uh because the stories are so moving, um, you know, just so inspirational. So it does take you a while. I don't like to run through them, I want to really read and absorb what I'm reading. Okay, yes.
SPEAKER_02:So um I may add that everyone, not just my story, everybody's story in that anthology can reach millions and millions of people where they can relate and see, hey, is this me? Once they recognize this me, what can I do? Who can I reach out to? It's like an encouragement, you know. It's not that we're writing stories to shame people who have done us wrong in a sort of sense. It's it's about telling stories to bring knowledge to people who are unaware who may be in situations so that they can find ways to relate and get themselves out of those types of situations. So I recommend 100% to get the book. Oh, definitely. I recommend it, and you can find it on Amazon. If you don't want to come through me, you can go on Amazon and pick that book up.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, and you can give us um how can they reach you to get the book since we're at that point right now?
SPEAKER_02:You can reach me on my um Facebook is B and Shanita B-E-N. I mean B-E-I-N-G S-H-A-N-I-T-A. I'm on Instagram, which is ash 13 tur7, which is A S-H-13 T-E-R-7. You can also reach me at Shanita Dawson at Yahoo, which is S-H-A-N-I-T-A, D-A-W-S-O-N at Yahoo.com. You can also reach out to Pay Pro V publishing as well, because that that is the publisher who produces all the books. So there's some ways that they can reach out to us, and they can also connect with you. If they didn't understand anything, they could connect with you and you can lead them on over to us to buy the book.
SPEAKER_00:And I will definitely be happy to do that. I do that. I have done that quite a bit because people catch certain things and be like, Hey, can you give me? I said, Absolutely, I can. Not a problem. Yes, yes, yes. But like you say, when you when you're a part of an anthology, everyone's story is different but gripping at the same time, totally different, totally gripping, and it is not to mock anyone, it is not to um uh vilify anyone. It is my story, it is my truth, and we want people to learn from our truths, from our experiences. Um, it did happen, and uh we're speaking on it, and it really is to release us and also to help someone else. So we're not coming for anyone, but as you say, the stories are all good because they're personal stories.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, yes.
SPEAKER_00:It's just that I have several books that I have stacked up, and uh, I just need to, and I'm still ordering books, so it's just uh you know, it just takes time to get to them, you know. It just takes time, it really does.
SPEAKER_02:It it I'm I'm telling you, it really does because I have heard just about every story in the book. I haven't read all the stories in the book per se, but it takes time, it you know, it can be trigger warnings, let's be clear. But the trigger warnings is also a way to set you free from the situation you may find yourself in at the current moment when you're reading the story. So people need to know it may be trigger warning, and if it is, you know, start, you know, asking God, like, hey, lead me, guide me. What can I do? Because honestly, if I would have had something similar to this book, not saying that everybody's situation in the book was my story, I think I would have had more of an eye-opener than what I had, because with my trauma tried to kill me story, like I said, it was on and off, and of course, it's October's domestic violence month. So um, I was a part of my friend have an organization down in Clain County, Georgia, that she works with domestic violence, and I was a part of that. And I was the one that went back. Well, you know, you don't see what he do to me. So in my mind, I knew it was domestic violence, but I didn't accept that it was domestic violence because a lot of times that you see in domestic violence, you see on the outside what happens. Nobody really displays from the inside what happens on the outside. So I didn't take my situation as serious as seriously as it was, you know, because like I said, I endured it for a long, long, long time, you know. And I stayed in the situations because I felt like I wanted something, even though I knew it wasn't gonna happen, I stayed because I wanted something and I thought I could make it happen, which it never did happen. It almost cost me my life. And when I got out, I went right back to it, you know, because like I say, what I saw and what I thought I knew is not what I seen within myself, you know. So do you think it took a minute, it took a minute.
SPEAKER_00:Do you think and I'm I'm really sorry for interrupting you. No, no, but a lot of times people go back because it's familiar territory.
SPEAKER_02:It is, that is 100% correct. It is, it is, and if that's all they know, you know, it's hard. It's it's it's hard. Like, yeah, I seen my mom as a toddler experience domestic violence, and I think the next time when I did see it, I maybe was around 10, 11, and it was only one accident. Like I didn't physically see it with my eyes, but I verbally heard it with my ears, and it was just that one time. But when you look in, I want to say, how do I put this in words? So I was the only child, so I'm I can tell you, and I prayed on it and I believe God has showed it to me. I think my issues with domestic violence was because I was longing for that fatherly attention that I did not get that would have corrected my behavior not to find myself in that situation. But I wouldn't have knew that if I wouldn't have got shot multiple times, you know. So it took it took for me to get shot 10 times to understand, oh, this is why you was what you was, you know. And my mom was a single mom. You know, she wasn't married to my father, my sibling's father. She wasn't married to him. And she may not have never said, Hey, I'm lonely. She tried hard, she tried hard, but you know how you can tell when somebody's missing something? It was like because my mom, she was a daddy's girl until her daddy passed. Like she was grown in her 30s when he passed. So I could see the difference. Now that I'm looking at it now, reflecting back, I could see that it was a lot of things that my mom missed out on. And being not having a father in the house made a lot of things happen for me. Because for one, I ended up having a baby as a teenager. I was a 14-year-old mom, you know. So I know why I got that baby. Some people say they don't know how they got pregnant at 14, but I'm here to say me and my daughter's father, we decided he was 15. No, at the time he was 14, I was 13. We decided one day when we got back together, hey, we're gonna go have a baby. We want to have something that we haven't experienced in life. Now, what 13, 14-year-old child at the moment is thinking about going to produce a family. So we know we wanted a family, but our brains didn't tell us, well, you're gonna have to have a job and a house to provide. Okay. So I know because I missed a lot in that male figure, and I'm not blaming my dad because I if I was old enough to say, hey, let's go get a baby. My my mind should have told me it's other things besides you just go get a baby and create this whole family fantasy that you felt like you didn't have. So I'm not throwing any blame on my father. I'm just saying, like, I know I didn't deserve domestic violence, but I know it was a lot of things that reflected that led me out there to domestic violence. Because here I am now, had a baby at 14. I turned 15 two months later. The child father was not doing anything for her, and even if he could, he didn't, because he was in a whole different situation for another day, we'll discuss at another time. Okay, so here I am having a baby, my mom is frustrated with me. Things happen. I end up meeting my ex-husband, the one who shot me 10 times, you know, because I was out there looking for somebody to take care of me. So when my mind caught up with saying, Hey, you gotta take care of this child, I went looking in places that I had no business then, honestly. You know, and so I had issues at home, I had daddy issues because I was a daddy's girl. So then I went to a man because he looked like what I thought I needed at the time. Because I didn't know any. I knew better, but I didn't know any better. Because of the love that should have been given to me, I did not get in a sort of sense. You know, sure. So, like I take blame, I take blame because I'm not mentally retarded. I take blame on some of the mistakes I made, but I also know if we was working inside of love as God's plan for us, a lot of things that I went through wouldn't have happened outside of love. You know what I mean?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, I do. I think a lot of people well, you know, when you meet friends throughout life, you know, when you're through playing on the sliding boards and you know, the monkey bars and all that, you you know, you're starting to grow up and you meet friends, and they come to you with stories you have never heard before. You I didn't know how to process that information, I will be honest, okay. Uh, you know how they said stay in a child's place. Well, I I was in that child's place. You know, you you talking way over my head about some of these things, and um and some one young lady, um I think I was a young adult. And my dad and I were were close. We always talk, you know, he always had my back, you know. Um, I mean he he he meant he took care of the family, you know. He was um mom didn't work, and you know, she thought she was a stay-at-home mom. And um she told me, you know, I just wish I had my I wish I knew my dad. And I was like, you know, it kind of shocked me. And I was like, okay, yeah. So, you know, I I I've never met him, and I was like, wow, and so here I go. I'm praying, oh Lord, do it for because you know I have such a good relationship with my dad, and da-da-da-da-da-da. And um, and so I mean, just really feeling really bad for her, you know, some emptiness or whatever, and then later on she knew him, but they just never had a relationship when she met and they they didn't have a relationship before. I think he may have known where she was, I think she knew where he was, they just never had a relationship, and you can't turn something into nothing, okay? It takes two, especially when people uh are are adults, okay if it's a young adult or not, you can you have to have a way that you guys are communicating with one another, yes, where you can sit up and just basically talk about anything in any one, and um my dad would always give me tips. Um, you know, don't take anything from um from a guy, you know. Um, you know, they buy you a bag of potato chips, they think you own their own. And I was like, potato chips. Right, right. You don't give me a break, you know, and so you know, but young and having fun and laughing, but I always kept his words in the back of my head, okay. Me and my friends would go to the club, I would be looking around. Listen, what you looking around? I said, My dad's always look for the back door because we might have to run out of it. It's like that, you know. So, but my my best friend told me, Oh, your dad is so spot on, you know. And her and her father were um, they had distance between them, they knew each other and they could communicate, but they had distance. And she said, Your dad always gave you the best advice because I would always tell them what my dad said, so it does help. I'm not gonna say it's 100%, but it definitely does help to have somebody who supports you, even in your foolishness. I'm not gonna say your foolishness, you know, and uh because something happened and I was just so upset about something. And he said, You don't owe anybody anything but me and your mother, okay? Exactly, you know, and I was like, and that just gave me such a you know, made my back stand up straighter. You you got what I'm saying, and you just made me feel like I was somebody, you know. So I I I really knew I could go to him for any and everything. So when it comes to um uh uh a guy being aggressive with me, that didn't fly. That just did not fly.
SPEAKER_02:Because you because he set that foundation, you know.
SPEAKER_00:It just didn't set that foundation, it didn't fly, wasn't gonna fly, will not fly. It just is not going to happen, and you know, and I'm not saying that you won't get the best of me, but you won't do it a second time.
SPEAKER_02:That's yeah, that's all I'm one time you out, not three strikes, you out one time, you know.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, if even if you just talk too loud to me, you know, it didn't have to be no pushing and shoving, you know. Uh, if you just talk too, I'm like, oh, can't you check that tone? And like, what you mean? Check my tone. I'm in my own house as you sure can. You most certainly can, but that's one house I never visited again. You got what I'm saying? Because I didn't have to, you know, it's you it's but when you're in situations and you don't know how to get out of you. This is sometimes the things that lead to this, and I understand people looking for love in all the wrong places. I've heard women say, Oh, I I'm on a I'm on a roughneck, and I'm like, Who wants one of them? You know, but that's what you think until you get it. Yeah, you know, and I'm like, who wants one of them? Yeah, you know, but see, Malvin, you got that roofneck, you don't want them no more.
SPEAKER_02:You don't want them no more, and you don't know what to do with them, and you you gotta be careful. The tongue is a powerful thing, isn't that powerful? You gotta be careful, yeah, because they if you see, because in my mind, and I wish I still had pictures from back in the day, but he was like a little nerd because I was smart, I was a straight A B, you know, A B student, and then I dropped out and got my G D at 16 because of course you know I had a baby at 14. It was things I had to go, I had to grow up very fast, like overnight. Yeah, and I was like, okay, he seemed like a good person, you know, he was very quiet, very conservative. I used to call him a little nerd with muscles. Yeah, I had no idea. I was like, oh, that's the right one. You know, he was so charming. He, you know, he didn't ask for sex, you know. And I'm like, oh, okay, he got to be pretty, pretty good. He answered for no sex. Oh, I done, I thought I hit the jackpot. See, I was looking at the outside, should have been having a checklist and start doing some research on the inside. I thought I hit the lottery, I was fooled, and a lot of times men, and I hate to say this, men's men are not born as nurturers. If they're a nurturer, they are forced because of something traumatic happened to them, right? Research proven. So, but if if they're they're they're nurturers when they're trying to manipulate situations, but men are not nurturers, they're not. Oh no, and this man came to me, it's like, oh, because he didn't know at the time when we met, and I talked about it in the story. He didn't know I was a minor, he just thought I probably was a young person his age because he's older than me, he was older than me. So you see a woman with a baby, and she looked like she got a little business by herself, but you knew, hey, she got a little bitty baby there, she ain't got no man. Let me let me go ahead and play on her. And people tend to feed off of you, and like you, like I said, your dad and your mom set the foundation. I never had a foundation set for me. My mama said what you should and shouldn't do. I never really had that conversation. Uh, ain't no never really had. I'm just knowing when I'm looking back, I've never had a conversation with my dad on how a man should treat me. The only time something was said to me about a male was my late grandfather, and he would say, Hey, whatever he does to get you, that's what he got to do to keep you. But he never went into detail like your father did. So this man showed me some things, and he was doing some things just to keep me long enough because he knew, well, she don't want to go back home. Obviously, the the child's father is not in the life because she's out here with this little baby. You get what I'm saying? So he fed off of that situation, and now and I'm not throwing shade because I pray for him every day. I'm not throwing shade, but he fed off of my situation. But had I would have had that little guidance of even if you cracking jokes, because I remember my mom used to say, if you feel like you're getting hot down there, you better get in a cold shower. So and even not even that, even though my mom and dad I encourage marriage, and I know it's gonna sound crazy, but I'm gonna say this, but even if you're not married and you have children out there, co-parenting is a good thing if you're doing it in the right way, because you don't have to be in the house to be a good father, you don't have to be in the house to be a good mother, because if y'all two together don't get along, co-parent in a positive way and tell your kids not just girls, because let's be clear, it's more men being domestic the um domestically abused than women, they just don't talk about it. But if we have somebody who is setting the foundation for us, we don't like I get people say it all the time. My kids are 32, 27, 17, and 15. And I uh I they know my business. Nobody can't come up and say, Well, your mama was this, your mama was that. My kids, I tell them everything, and even with my son, I look at my son and I thank God every day because they knew their daddy was abusing me, but they probably couldn't say, Hey, 100% he's abusing us, but we know that ain't how my mama acts on these days. You understand? Yeah, but when I look at my son, I would never have imagined what I had been through to see that my son to be the man he is today, you know, because he when his daddy came and shot me, him and his daddy was living together, he came, he came and shot me, right? My son had to double what he was doing singly because what had happened to me. But the man that I told him to be, the man that I put him in church to become, and the man that I kept around him outside of our household was able to produce him to be the man he is today. Because I had those conversations and I used to say his daddy, I said, Do you realize what you're doing? This is gonna be a reflection. What happened if our son do what you're doing to me? What happens if a man do this to our daughter? What you're doing to me? But he never tried to correct the behavior, but I did make sure I told my son and I kept him in places because if I would have not, and remind you, my son is 27 married with two kids. I wish I could have had a husband like that at that age. But I kept him, I kept him around, positive people, and I kept him in the church, and I constantly told him. Matter of fact, when he got his first job, he was working part-time one time at 16. It was around Christmas season. And I I told him, he he wouldn't say, Mom, here, you can have my paycheck. I said, No, son, that's your paycheck. He said, Well, no, mom, what can I do with it? I'm just 16. I say, son, you can save it. And then I started telling him, keep doing what you do, don't be no man like your daddy, and don't marry no woman like your mama, because I had flaws. Because even though things was getting done wrong to me, I still seemed that I was not the perfect person. So I would point out things. Hey, if she's doing this, don't do that. You see what he's doing, don't do that. And when he got married, no, he had gone here. They felt that they was expecting my son, was so scared to come tell me he thought he was gonna be a disappointment to me when he had a baby. And I set him down there. I said, Son, you may have the same name as your father, but you are not your father. I said, a man that you have been doing, you're gonna be a great father, you're gonna be a great husband. And I said, and if you feel like some trigger is or if you get upset and you feel like you want to raise that voice or raise your hand, you know, you start praying and you call me or you walk out the house. I said, because we as people, a lot of times when we go through domestic violence, because people said all the time, oh, he's gonna be like his daddy, you know, and I hate when people do that, you know, and you know, because him and his daddy, they was working at the same job, both of them were supervisors. So when that happened with me and his daddy went to jail, he was walking around in shame. And like I said, he found out shortly after he had a baby on the way. And I said, Son, that's not who you are, you haven't been that person. So I'm pretty sure at that point in your life you're not gonna become that person. But if you do feel like you're put in situations that bring that anger that may, you know, prosper to be that kind of behavior, you know, just move yourself. So I think a lot of times, like I said, it's setting that foundation, setting that foundation. We can't say 100% something's not gonna happen because let's be clear, nothing is perfect. Because a husband shouldn't raise his voice to his wife, and a wife shouldn't deny her husband, right? But we have those moments, you know. But make sure that we're aware of those moments so it won't repeat, you know, and I think that's where we all fall short, and we end up like in situations that we shouldn't be situation in.
SPEAKER_00:So you know that's I agree, I agree. Um a lot of times people mimic what they see, yes, and because that's all they know, yes, but then as they grow older, one lady stopped me. I was getting some gas, and she was telling me um how nice I look because I was on my way to work, and she said, Why do we beat on each other? And I was like, Excuse me? Oh, I wasn't expecting that, you know, because I'm not really a morning person, so I'm doing my best to just be able to get through it. By 10 o'clock, I wake up and I said, Yes, my man just beat me. He just beat me a few minutes ago, and I'm like, This is here I go, this is too early in the morning for this kind of foolishness, is what I'm saying. And I said, all I can say is we should pray for a better situation. Um, and if there's a situation you don't like, we you may have to find your way out of it. You know, but that's as much information as I could give her at that time of morning. A wasn't expecting it. Two, you know, I'm shocked out of my gore. Who tells somebody that, you know, uh in the morning about 6:30 in the morning, you know, so um it's a lot to process because to me, and I'm I'm no expert, but there's no one shoe that fits all. Yes, because men can be abused as well and are being. Um, and a lot of women, as long as he's taking care of the house, I'm fine. He can do whatever he wants. Oh, you know, and and they honestly believe that. Uh, he gives me good money, he makes sure everything is done, he takes care of all the bills, but you're not happy. Nope. You're not happy, not at all. You know, so I've been there, yeah. You know, so we need to open up about what truly is involved when it comes to uh domestic abuse, it's not just you know, it's emotional, it's financial, it's physical, it's it's manipulative. And and nobody wants to say, Oh, I'm I'm not being abused. Uh I think you are, you know, but if you don't think you are, that's fine. But when you come to the realization, you'll know, and they want to convince you who have nothing to do with this situation that it's not happening, right?
SPEAKER_02:And you telling them, hey, it it really, I remember I think uh we got married when I was 18. I was staying in Atlanta, excuse me. Um, I remember one of my people that I met when I was doing the mall's class at 14 when I was pregnant with my daughter. I remember she said, Girl, you look like you living your best life. Oh, I want to be like you. And I said, Girl, if you only knew what I went through, and believe it or not, people was like, She just talking. I'm like, because I didn't have the courage, I don't even think I knew what domestic violence was until I got older. But I was like, if y'all know this man in here choking me out, putting pillows over my head, up here trying to break my legs in front of my five-year-old daughter, telling people that he don't know who I am. Like, girl, I you know what I'm saying in my head, like I wish I could have voiced that out, but I didn't know how to voice it out. But I was like, y'all don't even know. And I all I remember I would tell people, girl, if you only knew what I went through, I was like, Hey, some people can't sleep at night, and nobody never understood what I was talking about to 20 something years later. Sure, sure. Because, you know, like I said, he gave what I was lacking and what I thought I needed, you know, and a lot of people, and I tell people, be careful, and I ain't saying if somebody says you could be a stay-at-home mom or you could be a stay-at-home dad, you need to be asking a little information and know you're really mentally prepared for that. Because a lot of times that is a setup, that is a setup, and I tell people, and it's something I try to tell people, especially, you know, I only ran into like two men who I knew was being domestically abused since since my trauma, but I tell them the same thing I told women like always find you something extra because you never know. And when that's time comes when you're ready to walk, you need to have something to be able to pull yourself together and go. And it may not be financially, you know, you may go pick up a trade where you know, hey, I may can stand on this and talk and really figure out where I'm going, you know, because a lot of times once we get trapped, like I always knew I was like I said, I was straight A B student, so I knew I was smart. I just my issue was I didn't have enough faith to walk away, and I was fame because when I first took my ex-husband to meet my grandmother, she said that man is the devil. And I was like, Oh, they don't like me anyway. You know, that's what I'm saying in my head. They just don't want to see me happy, but they support everybody else's foolishness because I had so much going on inside and outside, and plus I was the baby, you know what I'm saying? I was the baby girl, so I had a lot going on. Uh and my sister had issues going on, my brother had issues going on, so I didn't really have issues going on besides daddy issues. I missed my daddy and I wanted my daddy, right? So I was seeking things, like I said, me and my daughter father, we decided to have a baby. And if if only, if only, you you know what I'm saying? And a lot of times, too, we look at what people have and don't even have a clue what they're going through, just because we say we want it, and a lot like me, I I lived in the fantasy world for a long, long, long time. You know, like I had a fantasy world. Like, now that I look back on it, I laugh because I was like, girl, you wanted a white picket fence. Did you realize that kitchen wasn't real that you was looking at every time you got up on a Saturday to play? That wasn't real, that was just some hard cardboard put together to make you believe. And I got so caught up in fantasy world because, like I said, nobody really sat down and said, Hey, Shanita, you're a girl, when you finish school, you should get your go to school, you should get your husband, y'all raise your family, right? Do XYZ one two three. Nobody never sat down and told me that I've never in my 47 years of my life, nobody never sat down and told me, and it took trauma, almost losing my life, to realize, hey, you know, and right before the the trauma happened to me, I ended up was dating a guy at the time. I knew it was a difference, I just couldn't put it into words. But he would say things like, because he knew I was trying to get divorced before we was fooling around or whatever. He would start telling me things that should have been taught to me as a child. You know, that you're a good person, you need to go home, you need to try this, you need to talk to your husband because the guy was dating at the time, he had told me, he said, you know, I was I was a hot mess. You know, this guy was way older than me. He was like, he was a hot mess. And he said, it didn't, he didn't wake up until when his last children's mother had said, Hey, I don't want to have nothing to do with you, I'm gonna wait on God to send me a man. And he said, when she closed that door, she never opened that door back up. So he started telling me things, and I kept saying, Yeah, I know I ain't crazy, I'm good enough. I know I'm good enough, you know. But why did it take me to get in my 40s to realize I was good enough? Like I knew I was good enough, but I didn't have the confidence of being good enough because it was like you the last of the bunch, whatever left over, that's what you get. You don't get first divs. And that's how I look at it. I never got first divs at the good, and when I did, you know, like my mom, and let's be clear, I'm not saying my mom was a bad person because she was not, she just was given what was given to her. She did, I knew she loved me by how she took care of us without even telling us verbally, but there was no foundation to say, hey, hey girls. So my daughter, my sister was a teen parent, right? So when she got a baby, it should have been not, oh, if you feel like you're getting hot, take a cold shower. Hey, don't you go out there letting them boys touch you, don't get no sex, because this is what can happen to you if not. And when my daddy came, so my daddy, like I said, I was the daddy's girl, the only child. My daddy went to jail for a couple of years and he came back out. When he came back out, he never came back and picked me up. Meaning, hey, I'm gonna give my little girl the love and the time that I used to give her. He never came back. And by the time he got back out of jail, he was, I think I was like close to 12. I want to say I was around 11 or 12 when he came back. When he got of jail, I may have saw him and then didn't hear nothing else about him. You know, like I knew of him, like whatever. But that relationship that we had, we didn't have. We didn't have that relationship when he got back out of prison or jail or wherever he was, you know what I mean? So that was times when I when I found out my daddy was out, I was so happy. I was like, oh, we're gonna get those times that we used to have before he went away. I didn't get those times back for whatever reason, you know, at this point in life, it don't even make sense to ask because my brain wasn't at that level to ask back then, so it created doors, doors, you know, that was open that shouldn't have never been open at all for me.
SPEAKER_00:So Shanita, do you think there was a degree of embarrassment, um, a degree of where have all where has all the time gone and how do I start back with her?
SPEAKER_02:I think if I answer truthfully, and I'm gonna say this because it's not in my feelings, I think it was more of doing what God told you to do. So the reason why I don't hate my father is because I know what God's foundation is. So a lot of people don't agree with me when I say this, and I was like, I can never be mad at him, but I did distant myself because I said God said him first, the husband, then the wife. And if God says him first, the husband and the wife, the husband has to be obedient to the wife. And it was some things that transpired, the reason why the wife had to put her foot down. You understand? Yeah, and I respect her because at the age of 19, she had a conversation with me. Actually, she had got me a teaching job, and and she had a conversation with me one day on lunch break, and she explained a lot of things to me. And I said, Oh, okay, that makes sense. But I'm not gonna go into detail what she said, but it made sense to me because I thought my daddy worked a lot. Like I said, I lived in the fantasy world. I don't know what rock God had me up under, but I'm thankful that he did. Because sometimes I looked at me like, Lord, what I was really a child. I always thought my dad and my mother was married. I never knew they wasn't. I just thought he worked a lot, and then when we would go away, I thought it was a trip that we were going to see. My aunties. I wouldn't have never imagined in a million years that my daddy's wife was his wife because I never seen kissing, hugging, none of that took place. And when I did see affection, I seen it between him and my mom. So I was really confused, honestly. I was really confused as a child. And a lot of people may, I mean, I just say, you know, what you missed out on, don't go back and blame your mother and your father. What can you do to correct it? So when I start seeing that things were not going to be right with me and my ex-husband, I never badmouth him to the kids. Still don't to today. If they say anything, it's related to him shooting me. They can't never go back and say anything other than my daddy shot my mama. They may heard some voices being raised, but the youngest three cannot say, hey, this what happened, that's what happened. Now my oldest, she can always say, Yeah, he hit my mama, he did this, that happened. But my youngest three couldn't. So I tried to make sure that even if something was wrong, I talked to them and made sure that they mind was calm, not to focus too much on the negative of what was going on in the house. And I always tell them, hey, this is how things should be. If it if it don't seem that way, come talk to me. You you know what I mean? Because nobody never talked to me as a child. So I shouldn't have found out at the age of 11, 12 when my daddy got back out of jail that that was his wife. That I'm thinking this was a great aunt to somebody, you know, because he never showed affection to her. So I was brought up in confusion. So I think when he, it wasn't that he was ashamed, it was he had he had to do the do his position. He was a husband and he had to become a husband. And the wife put her foot down to make it mandated that hey, we're gonna be together or we're not gonna be together because I'm gonna do, and and I respect my I call her my second mom, I don't say stepmom. I respect her faithfully because even though I did not know she was a wife at the time, she always been the person what she says, what she does. If she's never been out of pocket, what you saw is what you got, and it was very respectful each time. So when she had that conversation with me at 1920, I I I was so glad because I was walking around being mad at her and didn't even know she wasn't even the problem.
SPEAKER_00:You you you know what I mean? Hey, you just selected somebody, I bet it's her.
SPEAKER_02:She the one did all right, because that's what I thought when I thought that that was the wife, yeah. Yeah, yeah, and just imagine all those years that I was mad at this woman, and she had nothing to do with the foolishness of her dad, my dad, and my mom.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, sometimes we just want someone to blame, and nine times out of ten, it is not the person who the person who deserves it, you know. We just want to blame someone, so um, and and that's a that's a part of it as well. But when people don't talk to you, you rationalize in your head certain things because you wanted to you you want to make it um meaningful, right? But why is this happening? Why okay? It's gotta be her, it's gotta be her because he he he wouldn't have done me like that, but indeed he did, and even if it was her, he still should have tried responsibility. Absolutely, 100%.
SPEAKER_02:I'll never say anything different because one thing I can say, I wish there's something I would have had asked my mom before she left this earth, because she never spoke bad about my daddy, even in the foolishness. My mom always made it seem like my daddy was a good man. She I've never heard her speak any ill will on none of her kids' fathers, you know what I'm saying?
SPEAKER_01:Sure.
SPEAKER_02:So that's why I was confused, you know. You know, and and I remember me and my brother one day, we got into an argument one day, because you know, he had got married a couple years ago, and I was like, you know, y'all need to speak truth to these kids because you look at me, look at me, look at me right now, and you tell me that ain't normal. It's okay if daddy went on and mama went on and married and was in a relationship with somebody else. I'm up here looking, thinking that this woman was a great auntie of somebody, not knowing that he was in a whole marriage. My matter of fact, I was born in March and my daddy got married in April the same year I was born. Wow, you understand? Yeah, so that that was a lot, you know. But and I thank God every day, and it said that the trauma happened to me, but I thank God for the trauma happening to me because I had to deal with a whole lot that I had to unpack that I even didn't even know it was more to what I thought it was. I thought, okay, I had daddy issues, I went and got a baby. Okay, my mama dealing with my brother and my sister. So, hey, mama can't give baby girl what she wanted, she's a good little girl because she occupied with these other two over here. So if if only somebody would have said, hey, you know, take the time. No, nobody, and that's why I encourage people like we at this day and time we cannot live in secrets. You need to have conversations with your kids, you need to have conversations with your families. Don't worry about judgment because if your truth is your truth, and they say the truth hurts. If you if the truth hurt, if you're telling the truth, it's gonna hurt when it's reflected back on you because it's the truth, it's not a lie in the truth. You understand? Sure, and we have to be open with our kids because I I and I stay on it all the time, like my 17-year-old, she's not dating or anything. So, my biggest issue is she reminds me a lot of myself, you know. Try to be the good person, try to do everything right. You know, she had her moments, don't get me wrong, but I stay on her because I am so afraid that she may slip up and be in my situation. You you you you understand? So I definitely have to tell her, hey, hey, don't don't look over that way. Look, don't look right, look, left.
SPEAKER_00:Once a parent, you know, errors, I think it needs to, you need to let your kids know, hey, you know, I made a mistake. Uh you know, I I don't I don't I'm not gonna always get it right. Parents aren't perfect, we're people too, you know. We just do the best that we can, but this is what I don't want you to fall into. Yes, yes, you have to be responsible. You can't blame anyone else if you are a part of the situation. You have to take your you have to take your share.
SPEAKER_02:Because a lot of times we blame everybody everyone but ourselves. We we we should not because when before right before my ex-husband shot me, we had gone to New York. I don't know. We went to New York for something because that's where he's from, and it we had been together close to 24 years off and on, right? Yes, and the sister started talking because I knew I knew back in 97, I think it was like 96 or 97, I found I said, Dang, what you what your mama meant? Your daddy got 20-some kids and count. What what? Because I was like, what the world? How he got this? Oh, no wonder he ain't got time to be your father, right? But fast forward, I found out that the daddy, his dad had that many kids back in the 96-97. So, right around 2017, we went, I think it was 2017 because he shot me in 2018. We went to New York and the sister was talking and something transpired. And the sister said, Yeah, you know, his mama moved from New York because the daddy tried to kill her. I was gonna say, What now? She moved from New York down to Georgia because the daddy tried to kill her back in the day, you know, and at that time it had been about 40 some years, um, that the mom had left New York because you know, the daddy over 50. And I was like, see, see, see, that's the kind of stuff. And then wonder why this man walking around here whooping on my butt, nothing up every time you turn around, because you ain't talked to your son to tell him, hey, you know, because I'm pretty sure if the sister knew, and she was younger than him, he knew uh he heard us some conversations, but nobody set him down. And the sad part about it, and call me crazy if if we shall, when I reflect back, he had no guidance, he had no foundation set for him. That's and the little foundation that he had was in New York. And the auntie, she was like, She know you don't want to hear this because the auntie called me when I was able to start talking and stuff. She said, I know you don't want to hear this, I know he shot you, and I'm sorry what my nephew did to you. She said, But his mom wasn't there, he he had nobody for him. She said, That don't excuse for what he did be he had nobody. And I said, I said, Well, you know, I'm gonna keep praying for him because I knew just by little things that transpire, I kept saying, Wow, wow. And believe it or not, I had called his mom maybe a week or two before he came and shot me. I said, Hey, you may need to talk to your son because he's tripping and I think he's gonna kill me. I said, but guess what? He's gonna go to jail. I said, and then them kids are gonna be in defense because I had no idea I was gonna be alive, right? His mama said, Well, that's gonna be on him. Oh, that's what his mama said. She said, That's gonna be on him. And you know, when he shot me, I almost died. I couldn't walk. I had a lot of things that I had to go through several surgeries. Like I was, I felt like my life wasn't worth living at the time. Not because I was suicidal, because I was just embarrassed of I'm always happy, upbeat, outgoing, and I couldn't do that because I I required help, you know, all the time. Sure. Mom came to the hospital and she looked at me and she said, This don't make no sense. I didn't see that lady no more until we went to trial. And after after they found him guilty, she walked out the courtroom. She didn't come back for sentences, and I haven't seen her yet. And that's been 1921 to 2 to 3 to the 4 to the six years now. She has not called to check on her grandkids, nothing. And I said, wonder what in this situation. Because even though it happened, so you just let your grandkids fall off. Now I see what your sister was talking about, the reason why the daddy did what he did, you know. Like, like I say, repeat history, the environment, learn bad learned behaviors, bad learned behavior.
SPEAKER_00:That's what I was getting ready to say. It appears to be learned behavior. You do what you see, you repeat that cycle of what has happened to you, what you have seen in the family, the hushes, don't talk about this, don't talk about that. And I get some things is too much for a child's mind. Do not get me wrong, but when they see something and they just a child, they ain't gonna remember it, they remember it, they might not understand, but they don't forget it, and that's when you need to have a conversation with them to let them know what's right and what's wrong.
SPEAKER_02:They and they need to know, they they they really need to know, and in prime example, not to you know be out there, but like even with my grandbaby, like he was born with heart problems, he had to undergo several heart surgeries. And when they just completed him up a few months ago, I think me and you talked about it, and he the doctor said, Okay, well, these kids, they're known to be prone to very bad behaviors. Now, this coming from the physician, the MD himself, not a nurse practitioner. The MD himself, he says, Hey, you know, it's gonna be, and I was like, No, we we're not gonna speak that because it's it's courses around that. Because yes, they they may have behaviors because every child has behavior issues, whether they likely or hotly, they have them, but what are we gonna do in the mix of it? And that's the thing. We have issues, like you said, people don't want to talk about, people don't want to do about, you know, we we can't take titles because the titles are there. What are we gonna do in the mix to fix the titles? Because I and I tell this and I laugh about it, but it's the truth. I tell this all the time. I said, you know, my grandbaby was like a crack baby, his mama went on drugs. He would, I say crack baby, because he's been on drugs since he came in the world. You understand? So as soon as they put him in that incubator, he started getting on drugs when he got to the church's hospital. So we know he's gonna have behaviors, but what are we gonna do to justify to make the behaviors least likely to happen? What are we gonna do? So when people are faced with things, stop thinking, oh, that's the end, there's no results, there's nothing that can be done. That's that's not the issue, and that's why I tell my story all the time because yes, he shot me, yes, I was wheelchair bound, yes, I could not do for my kids. I was so embarrassed I wasn't even going in the grocery store that I blew through my whole savings in less than a year. Then I got so broken, so bad because I wasn't really getting the help in the beginning that I should have been getting when reality hit like lady, you can't walk. You know, you you're not gonna be walking. Even when the doctor said it's gonna be a year before you can walk. You know, I blew through all my money because nobody sat down and said, Hey, let me come over for an hour a day and help you. Let me come prep your kids. Yeah, because I was so embarrassed I wouldn't go to the store. I was so embarrassed that I remember when I did get in physical therapy, I would break down because I had to learn how to walk all over again. But nobody sat and tried to say, Hey, family, even you know, I'm not gonna say friends because family should always be first before your friends come in and help. Nobody came in to bridge the gap. Okay, you're going through this, but you know God is good, you're gonna be okay, He kept you alive. Let's let's do this, and then when you feel like you need a break, let us come and relieve you. There was nobody in the middle, you know, and a lot of times in situations with domestic violence, we'll know our friends getting their butt beat on, but we won't call the cops because we're scared to lose that friendship. Now, what sense does that make? I'd rather lose my friendship than lose my friendship because her life is taken or his life is taken. Where do we meet in the middle? If you see something, say something, even if it ain't your business. Because if it was you on the opposite side of the table, you really want that, but you so scared that you won't do it for yourself, you know. And I think that's if domestic if people who are aware of people who are battling domestic violence would just step out on faith.
SPEAKER_00:I get what you're saying, and I have you know, it's a thing going on around Facebook, and you hear the voice of a woman saying, If you do that again, I'm gonna I'm gonna slap you. And the guy said, You better not hit me. And next thing you know, they got friends uh in the other room trying to avoid the situation. One guy even put uh a lampshade on his head and walked out of the apartment, so I'm it's funny, but it's not funny, but we've all been in that situation, and I tell people, you know, if if a couple argues in front of me, like I told you, it really is kind of like a little trigger with me. I said, Now y'all got company and y'all over here clowning like this. This don't even make no sense, but this is how we act, and I'm like, Yeah, you're right, you're right, you're right. And then I have even got the twin. Don't do that. We we ain't finna I don't want to witness no uh wrestling match, I don't want to be the referee. I really don't want to call the police. You ain't got to call the police. I said, Well, learn how to act. This is Not right. This is not normal behavior. And I don't think you're right. It's not normal.
SPEAKER_02:You're not going to be able to do that. And this is normal. We really need to do because we sit back and we laugh. And you know what? I was one of those, like I said earlier. Oh, that couldn't be me. Okay. Okay. I yeah, you better watch your words.
SPEAKER_00:Watch your words.
SPEAKER_02:Because that could be you.
SPEAKER_00:In an instant. So you know, don't think, you know, but like I told you a lot of time, if you if you get too loud with me, you know, I might not say this is the end of the relationship, but you're not gonna see me again.
SPEAKER_02:Right. But like let me step off. Let me just, you know, and I and I think that's what we we really need to do. Like, I really wish we I noticed in the last five years, I want to say, well, they have been going to schools, you know, because a lot of teenagers are getting killed by their boyfriends. Matter of fact, just yeah, just two weeks ago in Nashville, this 17-year-old girl found out she was pregnant, and this 21-year-old boyfriend, 20, 21-year-old boyfriend, not even three weeks ago, he just went up there and tried to kill the girl. Yeah, you understand? So, and then the people come, well, you know, now, okay, but y'all didn't go talk to nobody because you know she ain't going to talk to somebody, you know. So don't come back and say, Well, no, no, because we sometimes, and I hate when people say that that ain't my business. Okay, but when it's your channel, let's see how much you're gonna be talking about it. Ain't your business.
SPEAKER_00:I agree, I agree. You want to pay, they want to be in it on the sly, but they don't want to be in it. Yeah, you know how we do. We want to hide behind the door, we want to you want to do everything but help. That's not fair, you know. That's not fair, and it's a lot going on, it's a lot can be curtailed, you know, because your your family, your homeboys, your homegirl should be saying, Boo, you better than this, you know, whether it's the man or the woman, y'all better than this, you know.
SPEAKER_02:If y'all can't get along, y'all need to y'all need to disperse, not sit up there and carry on because a lot of times, especially I think it's more situations where kids are involved than kids not being involved. Yes, and all you're doing is implant that bad learned behavior in your child to grow up and do it, and a lot of times they don't even know why they did it, they don't know a clue.
SPEAKER_00:They can't process this information, right? They can't process it, so you know they can't tell you about it, they just reacting, and that's just no way to be, you know. But Shanita, um, we're we're coming to a close, and I have enjoyed your your testimony and your growth, okay? Because it is a lot of growth has come, a lot of wisdom is a part of your story. Now, when it comes to advice, and you have given advice throughout um the interview, anything, one particular piece of advice that you would like to leave the audience with.
SPEAKER_02:I would say if you find yourself in a relationship and it's making you uncomfortable, start asking yourself some questions to move to see if you need to move away, move out of that relationship. That's that's what I would give. You know, don't seek, don't go ask opinions, just if you're feeling uncomfortable and you don't even give it a second chance of the uncomfortable being uncomfortable. If you find yourself uncomfortable, start looking to see what you need to do to make your next move.
SPEAKER_00:And I agree with you, I agree with you because you know that spirit of discernment, you're gonna get an inch, you're gonna get you guess you're gonna get an itch, you're gonna get a thump, you're gonna get something to say, right? Or you know, let let me let me not do this today. Uh, let me rethink this situation. You need to listen to that still voice of the Lord, is really what you need. What I'm trying to say. Yes, uh, and a lot of people, my it's no big deal, okay. You know, but you you can't make people accept. I mean, you have been empowered, strengthened, encouraged, and now you're telling your story, so you're helping people through telling that story, and I truly appreciate it. Now, um, do you know of any resources people can reach out to when they're going through this process or feel as though they may be in this process and not even know it?
SPEAKER_02:Well, not right now anymore because I'm in a whole nother state. Yeah, but I would say as a backup, always have that 1-800 domestic violence number. Everybody, whether you're in that type of situation or not, should have that number on call because so many domestic violent places are overfilled that a lot of times they don't have the resources right on hand. So it's best to be able to at least call that number because somebody's gonna pick up, right? You know, right, most more faster than calling 911. I think if it you know, call 911 if if needed, you feel like it's that emergency. But if you're unsure, just keep that 1-800 domestic violence number on file, okay. You know, in your phone, memorize it in your head, you know, to that's gonna be your first contact.
SPEAKER_00:Okay, great. Well, Shanita, thank you so very much. And if you could give us um the ways that people can reach out to you because your testimony is so powerful, people are going to want to hear it again.
SPEAKER_02:Yes, you can reach me at shanitawson at yahoo.com, which is s-h a nit a d a w s o-n at yahoo.com. You can reach me via Instagram at ash137, which is as h one three t-e r seven. And I'm also on Facebook, which is being shanita b-e-in-g-s-h-a-n-i-t-a. You can also contact PayPro V publishing. Um, and they can reach out to you, Miss Carolyn. Absolutely.
SPEAKER_00:Uh-huh. You can reach out to me, Gentry's Journey, uh, Facebook. I am Carolyn Coleman. I will be happy to put you in touch with Shanita so that you guys can get the anthology and read not only her story, but the other powerful stories that are part of that paper v um published book, okay. Our journey from girls to women. Yes. All right, thank you so much, Janita. You have a wonderful day. Gentry's Journey has truly appreciated having you today, okay?
SPEAKER_02:And thank you for having me, and you be blessed as well. All right, we will be talking. That's for sure. Yes, we will. All right, thank you. Bye bye, bye bye.