Midlife Surprises: The Unexpected Joys, Struggles, & Lessons

In this conversation, Terri Kellums and Jennifer Grossi explore the positive aspects of midlife, discussing themes such as gratitude, the wisdom gained from life experiences, the evolution of marriage, the importance of physical fitness, and the joy of pursuing hobbies. They emphasize the significance of self-care, the appreciation of silence, and the potential for personal reinvention during this stage of life. The discussion highlights how midlife can be a time of growth, deeper connections, and newfound passions.

*Links for Sleep Products Terri Mentioned

1. Apigenin  https://a.co/d/0s7ujAx
2. L Theanine 200  https://a.co/d/9um9AeA
3. Magnesium Glycinate - https://a.co/d/7QVr71s
4. Progesterone - by RX only

*Link for Jennifer's BB cream - https://shop.pomifera.com/#/shop/detail/BBCREAM-P/from/915139

TAKEAWAYS

• There are many positives in midlife despite challenges.
• Gratitude can lead to greater contentment in life.
• Marriage can deepen and improve in midlife.
• Life experiences provide wisdom and empathy for others.
• Physical fitness becomes more important for self-care.
• Pursuing hobbies can bring joy and fulfillment.
• Silence is a valuable gift in a noisy world.
• Midlife is an opportunity for personal reinvention.
• You can try new things and see what fits.
• It's important to focus on what truly matters in life.00:00

Chapters:

Embracing Positivity in Midlife
02:50
The Wisdom of Life Experiences
05:54
The Power of Gratitude
08:47
Marriage in Midlife: A Deeper Connection
11:56
A Stronger Sense of Identity
14:43
Transforming Health and Fitness in Midlife
22:58
The Importance of Health in Recovery
25:32
Rediscovering Hobbies in Midlife
27:16
Finding Joy in Simple Pleasures
32:41
Spiritual Growth and Midlife Reflections
35:33
Embracing Midlife Reinvention
39:52
The Gift of Silence and Personal Recharge

Transcript

Terri Kellums:
Hello — glad to be back with you all. I'm… I feel like I'm still recovering from the weekend, Jennifer. It just takes so much longer these days to recover.

Jennifer Grossi:
Honestly, I think so too.

Terri:
It was so crazy because, you know, we — like, seriously, have a very dull life — but this weekend I felt like a whole different woman. We went out to dinner with the neighbors on Friday night, which was a last-minute thing, and then our other friends hosted a margarita party. So everyone brings their own margarita, and you have to bring enough for everybody to have a tasting.

Jennifer:
How many tastings were there?

Terri:
There were seven — seven different margaritas because I believe there were seven couples. If you're at a Mexican restaurant, it sounds kinda good, but typically that's not something I would drink very often. One of them was an Italian margarita recipe and it had amaretto and orange juice, which just takes it off the table for me because I don't like sweet drinks like that.

We've talked about this before — you and I did the whole cocktail thing. I supplied you with a recipe that was out of your wheelhouse; it had cucumber and lime in it, some ginger beer — herbal, earthy. So I decided, “What the hell? I'm just gonna participate in this tasting.” There were a couple jalapeño ones I didn't try because I think that's disgusting. Who drinks a jalapeño? I can't.

Bryan did end up showing up. By the time he was there, I was buzzed. Seven margaritas with tequila — that's what I'm imagining. In my particular taste, I didn't even make one for myself; I voted for someone else. I don't even remember much of it. It was so much tequila, nobody remembered. I did stop pretty early because Bryan and his son ended up coming — his son was our DD, but he turned 21 last year and was enjoying the ability to drink in front of his friends. It was fun to watch him loosen up; he's so quiet and shy.

Jennifer:
That sounds like a fun party. I love the idea — Stephen and I are big on cocktails. We wait all week to have a drink on Friday and get excited over what that drink will be. We like restaurants with a serious drink menu — someone who knows what they're doing behind the bar. If you're going to buy a drink, it should be good.

Last summer I was heavy-duty carnivore and trying not to drink wine because of the sugar. I discovered I do like tequila, but I don't like it when it's too sweet. So I did tequila with sparkling waters — some have real fruit juice. One I tried was grapefruit, lime, and a little simple syrup. Very refreshing.

Terri:
That sounds good. If I came over while Bryan was working, I'd sit there with my Mason jar full of — no, babe!

Did you do anything exciting this weekend? I know you had a lot on your plate.

Jennifer:
It was full. Our son is in his senior year and getting ready to graduate, so everything is gearing up. Something special this weekend: our son was baptized. It was such a neat experience — a very cheerful day, a blessing. Lots of his friends were there to cheer him on. We went to this pizza place afterward — their pizzas are gigantic; a pizza the size of a big round kitchen table. The boys can really eat. I don't have that luxury — I'm a little bird eater.

Terri:
I have four daughters, and then I met Bryan who has three boys — I cannot believe how much they can put away. Since becoming a mom, I've never cooked so much. Bryan doesn't have as big of an appetite as his boys; he sometimes forgets to eat when he's busy.

Jennifer:
Did you get a chance to watch the video?

Terri:
I did. For our followers: pardon the language, it’s a little extra, but what she said felt so dead-on. No nudity, but some language — if kids are nearby, cover their ears. She was really funny.

Clip / Paraphrase from video:
“How does it feel to be in my 50s? I'm officially too old for bullshit, too tired for small talk, and way too hot to be sitting on leather furniture. My give-a-fuck meter is broken, my estrogen has taken early retirement, and my spine is shaped like a question mark.… It feels like freedom, but also like I need a nap, a fan, and a heating pad before I can enjoy that freedom. This is the most liberated I've ever felt, while also being at the point where I could throw a hip out just from coughing too hard. I'm no longer chasing youth. I just chase peace.”

Terri:
My husband listened to it and joked about being older than him. I said, “You're in midlife too, right?” Technically midlife starts at 40. When I turned 40, I remember something switched — periods, mood — and we thought maybe we were overreacting. But then you realize it’s real.

Today I thought it would be fun to talk about five things that surprised each of us about midlife. Before we start: is there any product or life hack you couldn't do midlife without?

Jennifer:
Yes — hormone replacement. I can't live without it. My husband can't either. I also look in the mirror every day (you know my world — makeup and skincare). My daily go-to is a BB cream with SPF 30; it's a five-in-one beauty balm that gives light coverage and SPF. With a brush and the cream, I can run out the door quickly.

Terri:
What's the difference between BB and CC cream?

Jennifer:
BB is beauty balm; CC is color correcting.

Terri:
My life hack ties into my first item: sleep. I was caught off guard by how much harder it is to get good sleep in midlife. I'll share my favorite supplements — I'll link them in the show notes. Magnesium glycinate is important — there are many types of magnesium. Magnesium glycinate eases anxiety, improves sleep quality, modulates cortisol (which is related to belly fat storage), and decreases blood sugar. Another is apigenin (apigenin calms neuronal activity in the forebrain to help the body enter a restful state) — take that at night. L-theanine improves mental focus and sleep quality. Progesterone — I could not live without it — reduces night sweats, hot flashes, anxiety, and insomnia. I take that with vitamin D3 + K2.

These are not medical recommendations — consult your doctor. When I was about 40, I moved to Arizona and blamed insomnia on life changes. I had severe insomnia for about 10 years — sleep studies, Ambien, off-label meds, even medical marijuana (didn't like it). Each thing had side effects. It can feel desperate in midlife when you're not getting sleep. If you're not sleeping, don't accept it as normal — do something about it.

Jennifer:
Yes. My number one is fitness. I'm a fitness girl now. It doesn't mean everything's in shape, but I work out all the time because it helps my brain, sleep, attitude, and overall health. Midlife can easily push you toward depression, but working out — even 20 minutes on a bike or treadmill — helps. Strength training especially has been influenced by other women; it helps with belly fat and many midlife struggles. When my routine gets disrupted, my mood slides. Being outside in nature walking or hiking is my number one go-to. When I can't do that, my mood drops.

Terri:
I agree. My number two: the best part of my life doesn't have to be over. The thing that surprised me was realizing midlife can be a time of great blessing. I've finished raising my kids; that job is behind me. I left a corporate career, became a life coach, started a podcast, met wonderful people, traveled with friends, and Bryan and I have traveled. The best part of my life is happening now, and we have goals for retirement. That brings peace.

Jennifer:
For me, the deeper level of self-confidence is surprising. Feeling comfortable in your own skin, accepting imperfections, and being okay with who you are. I ask clients to do the “mirror exercise” — say five things you like about yourself — and many struggle with that. I reach a point where I’d be friends with myself. That's not egotistical — it’s accepting and kind.

Terri:
That ties into my number three: acceptance of changes in my body — wrinkles, hair color, and the shift in body composition. I see women who never stop complaining about age; I choose to enjoy where I am. Gratitude helps reframe the mind. I don't constantly point out my flaws to my husband. When someone compliments you, accept it instead of deflecting.

Jennifer:
My number four: becoming less tolerant of drama. I'm done with drama — I don't want it in my life. Reality TV and dramatic behavior can feel like bad role models. I stopped watching some shows because I didn't want to emulate negative behavior. Our children watch us — they learn how relationships and adults behave from us.

Terri:
A funny little surprise: I love subtitles on TV now. Stephen and I watch British shows and need subtitles for the heavy accents. Subtitles also save me from repeating dialogue for Stephen. When subtitles aren't available, it throws me off.

Jennifer:
Finally, my number five: my sex life and closeness with my husband are better than in many prior years. I was under the misconception that intimacy dwindles, but with hormone optimization, sex can be fantastic in midlife. Many women report low libido, dryness, or feeling the spark has faded — but optimizing hormones can change that. We'll do a whole episode on it.

Terri:
We'd love to hear from the audience about unexpected things they've discovered in midlife. If you're on YouTube, put it in the comments. On Instagram, leave a comment there. We're building a community of women to share these conversations.

Thank you — this was a fun conversation. Time to say goodbye. We'll see you next week. We know you don't have to be here, and we really appreciate you. Help this community grow: like, comment, share this podcast with friends, and follow us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, or wherever you listen. Find links in the show notes — search “Kellums and Grossi.”