SPEAKER_02 0:24

Welcome to the Real Strength Podcast. I'm so glad you're listening in. This podcast is strengthen you in spirit, soul, and body. And we have, of course, always our residential genius for the podcast, Pastor Jeff Klingeberg. And my dear friends joining us today, Toby Teekle.

SPEAKER_05 0:40

Hi everyone. EFTA.

SPEAKER_02 0:42

A part of our podcast. Well, I've I'm running out of adjectives to capture the brilliance of how much you know and off-the-cuff conversation. What people probably don't realize about this podcast is most of the research and planning is done here, and then most of the content comes from here and here where the guests are. Um because y'all are just bringing all this wisdom that's just baked into who you are. My job is just to bring it out. Really.

SPEAKER_04 1:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:10

So genius felt felt appropriate. I've used theologian, I've used pastor, I've used it.

SPEAKER_05 1:15

Have you mentioned handsome yet?

SPEAKER_02 1:19

You can definitely use that. Well, okay, so today's conversation, the reason we have Toby Teekel with us, um, probably most of our viewers know you actually, because you're one of the most well-known people, probably in our church community. We've been friends for over 10 years.

SPEAKER_05 1:37

Over 13, probably.

SPEAKER_02 1:38

I mean, I'm 32 and I was 18.

SPEAKER_01 1:40

So how many? 14. It's 14. See? He's y'all are the brains.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

I'm the you know, show host. Um anyway, yeah. So 14 years that I've known you and and just watching you like do your thing. You know, people, you're a great friend, you know Fort Worth, you know, and Fort Worth knows you love the city, hopefully for all the best reasons.

SPEAKER_05 2:05

So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:06

Yeah, you're one of the most, I don't know, like friendly people who's really made an impact in my life about how relationships can look, um, how long relationships can last, how healthy different types of relationships can be. So when we were talking about this podcast and setting up this conversation, we want to add strength to people in their soul. We're in the soul realm of strength, and that's in your relationships. It's your your mind, will, and emotions, the peace of you, the innermost part of you that comes alive when you're around people that you are comfortable with and connect well in with, and that coupled with our yearly theme being one another, and that that powerful combo of people reaching across maybe divisions they wouldn't normally breach to build relationships. We're like, who could we have in this conversation that has done that well? And I was like, I don't know many better than Toby Tickle.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Yeah, the answer was easy.

SPEAKER_02 2:59

Well, thank you.

SPEAKER_05 3:00

That's an honor. I appreciate it.

SPEAKER_02 3:01

Yeah, that was like 100%. Let's get Toby on the podcast.

SPEAKER_01 3:04

Who is too who's two people away? So you then two people away, all the way around concentrically, your life in Fort Worth, everybody knows.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 3:14

I mean, you know somebody and they know somebody, and and then every that gets everybody.

SPEAKER_02 3:18

What's that degree of separation? It's like you're one Toby Tikle away from the entire city. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 3:24

Well, you know, frankly, I feel like half of that might be a cop out on my part. I I love connecting people because if somebody needs something, I'm gonna find somebody that's an expert in that field or that's gonna fit that need. Or what's the beauty about having such a great church and a fruitful church is there's a lot that I don't have to do. I just get to point them to somebody that goes to our church or somebody in our church that's gonna steer them in the right direction. So as as much as it's about really wanting to help that person, it's also a little bit about, oh, I don't have to do this if I connect them to somebody, so selfishly, but that's genius. Yeah, but it's always about getting the right person in front of somebody that that's gonna connect with them. We can't all you know be best friends with everyone. That's something I I feel like I learned the hard way, but um, but there's always someone out there for somebody, whether it's companionship, friendship, or or community in church. So you know, love to be a part of it.

SPEAKER_01 4:18

Yeah, the relational aspect of the soul is a challenge. Yeah, so the mind, will, and emotions. You got stuff that that you can tell people think about you that's not accurate, feel about you that's not accurate, and are making decisions about you aren't accurate. I just want mine, emotions and will, but anyway, and you know it's not accurate, but nevertheless, you're gonna love them anyway, which you're so good at that. I don't know if you get criticism or not, but you uh you choose to love them anyway and help connect them anyway, and that that shows a strength in your soul.

SPEAKER_04 4:47

Thank you.

SPEAKER_02 4:48

Well, I appreciate that. It does actually, that's a cool insight. Yeah, so a little bit about you, Toby. So our listeners who maybe shockingly may not know you. Tell us a little bit about your life now, your job, family, the whole thing. Yeah, give us a little picture of Toby Tickle.

SPEAKER_05 5:03

Yeah, so uh gosh, do we start with age and everything? 35, married for seven years, just celebrated our seventh year anniversary a few weeks ago. Thank you. Two beautiful little girls. Yeah. Uh, in unbiased opinion, they're the cutest girls in the entire world. That's what somebody told me. So um but Palmer is uh gonna be four in July, and Lucy is gonna be two in November, and and we still want to grow the family. So kind of uh, I guess what's the term around here? Have a Klingabird family, just you know how many how many can you have? Uh no, we we definitely want three, four, who who knows? So um, but yeah, I've been coming to higher since I actually was looking at my old journals the other day, uh, which is convenient for the podcast. 2014. So fall of 2014 was when I was consistently started coming. Yeah. Was invited in 2012 or 13.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

By me?

SPEAKER_05 5:51

Uh no, it was through, you know, there's a uh I had some friends that were that found 27 when I was in college. Okay. And so they had been going a little bit. 27 was the the young adults for the viewers. It was the old young adults program.

SPEAKER_01 6:04

Tuesday night at 7 o'clock.

SPEAKER_05 6:05

Tuesday night at 7 o'clock. Is it?

SPEAKER_02 6:07

It's a really difficult name. No, it's young adults.

SPEAKER_05 6:09

Okay. Well, is it still Tuesday night at 7 o'clock? Yeah, it is. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 6:11

Well, I mean, it could be 2-7. Yeah. That didn't, it wasn't a huge stretch. And like, name the ministry. He's like 2-7.

SPEAKER_05 6:16

2-7. Love it. So, yeah, just young adults. And so they they were going, met some good friends, you know, talk about community. They they used to hang out. I got invited to a hangout one time and met some friends. And um, at the time, I was going to a small church by TCU called Crossroads Church. Uh, Pastor Sean and Lynette Reed, uh, I don't know if you know them, they're involved with like exo conference and marriage stuff. Used to have a not not just roommates uh ministry and uh I love them, love their church. I I credit Pastor Sean for really establishing the foundation of my faith. Um strong Bible teacher, worship and that was incredible. So it really uh showed me not I I I feel like I don't have the gift of worship, but I have the heart of it. So I'm not the you know, I'm not blessed with the voice, but I've got the heart of it. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know, I uh uh you don't want to put me on the platform, let's just say that.

SPEAKER_02 7:08

But maybe not with the loud mic, but yes.

SPEAKER_05 7:10

Or yeah, just don't hook it up at all. Um but uh anyways, I I was involved with a a a strong church around TCU, but uh it was smaller, and most of the the members there in the in the community they were they were older with families. And I was in college, about to graduate college, or I just graduated at the time, and uh, you know, on the subjective community, I just felt like hey, uh there's there's not much outside of Sunday that I'm being able to connect with like-minded people. I always found myself going to other ministries or or other churches, young adult programs to to find that community of of like-minded people. And so when I once I met some friends from from higher edge, uh at the time it was like Cody and Jake and those folks. Oh boy. Yeah, yeah. And and uh, you know, I was like, okay, you know what? Maybe there is something cool about about you know this church. And at the time I was a rugby player, uh played in college, and then after college.

SPEAKER_01 8:03

Oh yeah, I remember that.

SPEAKER_05 8:04

Yeah, Tuesdays and Thursdays were all about rugby practice, and all the weekends were rugby tournaments and games, and Sunday I'm waking up, you know, bruised and beaten and crawling to church. And so literally, yeah, yeah. After I broke my leg, I was in a scooter, and that ended that. That was a blessing in disguise, actually. Um, we can get to that story later.

SPEAKER_01 8:23

You broke your leg or tore your Achilles?

SPEAKER_05 8:24

Uh I broke my fib and then dislocated my ankle. So that the Dak Prescott injury where my toes were facing behind me. Yeah. Yeah, I had that one. So um you know, don't you know not to not to get off a tangent, but I I had prayed. Uh it was keeping rugby was keeping me away from really what I felt called to do in ministry and be involved. And I remember praying to God uh two nights before I broke my foot or my ankle. I said, you know, God break me, do something. Because I I can't I said those words. Wow and I don't think God broke my ankle, but he permitted it, and here we are. But um, you know, it rugby was keeping me away from being involved on Tuesdays, being around community, which is where where I really wanted to be. And so uh the night before I broke it, I was at a Hillsong concert with all of our friends from High Ridge in Dallas.

SPEAKER_04 9:15

I remember that.

SPEAKER_05 9:16

And then I went to Shreveport, broke my leg, and uh that was the end of rugby, and I jumped right into to serving, you know, on a scooter. And so um, yeah, it you know, long story short, I I was still kind of halfway into high ridge, you know, around rugby and your 21st birthday.

SPEAKER_02 9:33

Yep.

SPEAKER_05 9:34

20, yeah, 21st birthday.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

Yeah, I think there's I think it was 21st or 20th birthday.

SPEAKER_05 9:39

20th, yeah, 24, whatever that, or 14, 2014, whenever that was.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

Well, both of them you would have still been at AL.

SPEAKER_05 9:46

2014, I was 20. Okay, maybe it was 20, yeah, maybe it was the 20th. I was gonna say, because um we were at the movie theater, driving the movie theaters in Kincaid's burgers. Yeah, and your brother just sah was there. A lot of people were there, but just Saya, uh, I remember meeting him and just loved him. He was such a cool guy, and uh really we got to we all got to hang out at your birthday party, and I was like, you know what, this is a special group of people. I want to be involved, and that's what started my journey into joining higher edge. And so here we are. I knew I was in there somewhere. Yeah, 12 years later, yeah. You were a big part of it, and um and you know, since since I'm just rambling, Chelsea Readland, I don't know if I've ever told her this, but she was a huge part of uh really my faith being where it is today and just uh utilizing the gifts that God's given me uh because she had asked me out of young adults, like my second young adults ever, if I wanted to serve. And I said, uh I I'm like, I you know, I just got here, you know, we we just met. Uh don't I have to like fill something out? Is there like a security thing? Because all the other young adult ministries I've been to in Fort Worth, I wanted to get involved, and some of them made you do like a year-long, you know, process of getting involved with the church, and I can see the beauty behind that, I guess, from um understanding the ministry, and if you're putting a face on a ministry, you you want to make sure that you're like-minded and following their what they believe. But um, yeah, she had asked me that, and I said, Okay, where do you need me? She said, kids and children's. And I said, I love kids and children, sure, why not? And that's so I I started uh serving in kids ministry and teaching in kids ministry, and uh I really feel like that grow that grew the gifts that I I know the Lord has given me from a you know a teacher or just a connector and just just loving on people, and so uh you two and and of course all my friends I've met here, just a big part of me coming and staying. So yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:39

Well, I did not realize that happened in that order with you and kids ministry with Chelsea Reeland, which is so cool to think about. It feels like another lifetime ago. Yeah, yeah, that all these yeah, it feels like longer in some ways, but yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:52

Well, they now have have moved to an extra local ministry that's based out of high ridge called Hope Local, right? Yeah, so they are a dynamic combo on getting kids into Christian uh homes for foster care, getting kids into Christian homes for adoption. Yeah. They're man, they are making a huge difference. So shout out to Hope Local.

SPEAKER_05 12:12

Yeah, love them. I mean, uh I'm adopted as well from birth, and so I feel a deep connection to to what they do, and it's just it's so special. Uh I love them so much. So yeah, yeah, shout out to them.

SPEAKER_02 12:23

Yeah, and then fast forward, you know, over the last 12 years, there you went from bro rugby and then you got into career field. And while all that's happening, you also like somehow I think you've served in almost all the ministries at High Ridge.

SPEAKER_05 12:38

Uh believe so, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Well, you did uh didn't you do one of the women's ministry events and the men came and served the women? Weren't you there for one of those?

SPEAKER_05 12:46

I ran the camera. Yeah. Uh I people ask at me. People laugh at me because the camera did this at one point, and I realized I was dozing off a little bit. You know, I won't say who is speaking for the map. Yeah, I won't blame the speaker. It was me. I'd probably got a bad night's sleep the night before.

unknown 13:04

No, no.

SPEAKER_04 13:04

That would be hilarious.

SPEAKER_05 13:06

No, but um yeah, I think I've served in in just about every every ministry.

SPEAKER_02 13:10

I know you've done ministry, uh sorry, missions, kids, youth, young adults. You do that one thing for women, so you've done men's. Is there one you haven't done?

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Worship. Creative, creative worship.

SPEAKER_05 13:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:21

Well, tech arts just counts as creative.

SPEAKER_05 13:24

Sure, yeah. Worship, singing on the platform.

SPEAKER_02 13:27

That's the only one you haven't done.

SPEAKER_05 13:28

And I'll keep it off. That's fine. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

I feel like we should just go ahead and check out the state.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Yeah, might as well check. Yeah, get him on so it can be every place of service.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

We have the senior pastor's approval.

SPEAKER_05 13:37

Yeah, sign off for it, please. We'll make it happen.

SPEAKER_02 13:40

That would put you ahead of me. I've never served in men's ministry ever. I don't think I've done any event ever.

SPEAKER_01 13:45

Why not?

SPEAKER_02 13:47

You know, just feels like they have all that they need.

SPEAKER_01 13:50

Yeah. Well, you need to also check every box.

SPEAKER_02 13:54

That's true. Maybe. If you do worship all the men's deal.

SPEAKER_05 13:59

Well, that was a little easier for you than me, but yeah, we'll do it. We'll make it happen.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

No, that was tricky. Y'all that are watching saw the handshake, but those that aren't watching, she just baited him by making him shake hands on this deal. So he's stuck now.

SPEAKER_02 14:14

I'll say that I'm an opportunist.

SPEAKER_05 14:16

Yeah. Well, Sam's great at editing, so we can just edit that part.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

Yeah, but he also loves capturing the full authentic experience.

SPEAKER_05 14:22

That's right.

SPEAKER_02 14:23

Okay, so anyway, so career-wise, you moved. Did you go into um medical field right away?

SPEAKER_05 14:30

No, so so right out of college, I worked for a wealth management firm. Uh, I was a marketing associate for them. Uh lasted nine months there. Uh, I was a I won't say the company, but I was a marketing associate for a wealth management firm that specialized in retirement planning, referral-only, part of my job that had me cold calling. So I just found that extremely difficult to cold call, but also rely on people that were already you know members to refer folks. So at one point I looked out my office window and it was snowing, and I said I'd rather be scraping the ice off the sidewalk than doing this job still. And that's when I knew I had to leave. And so at the time I didn't know what I wanted to do. Uh I my friend was in medical sales, and I thought that would be great, but I took a job doing air balancing. So I worked with HVAC and you know, engineers that designed, you know, the the balance of airflow in rooms to to go test adjust and balance that. Actually, the father of a member of a church owned the company I worked for, so um did that for a year to the day, and then I got into medical sales, so I've been doing that for for 12 years now. So yeah, and love it.

SPEAKER_02 15:43

And you're in that in that space, you are networking, talking to people, selling product, but it's very relational, very extremely relational.

SPEAKER_05 15:51

Yeah, it's it's interesting, just you know, I feel like I came in, they used to call it kind of the wild west of selling, where you could just walk into a hospital with your product and say, Hey Doc, I'm so and so, nice to meet you. This is what my product does. Let's try it today. Uh, I caught a little bit about of that early on in my career, and now it is very, very much so contract-driven, but it's still still all about relationships. I mean, you you have to go and introduce yourself, uh, convince somebody who you are, why you should be there, you know, have a presence in the room that what you have to represent is legitimate, and then uh definitely don't make them feel uneasy and uh you know establish a uh a long-term relationship with them because not everybody's gonna give you a a shot on the first time. And that goes for you know, really any aspect of life.

SPEAKER_01 16:39

So Christianity as well. Amen to that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_05 16:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:43

So you've had to hone in this skill of relationship and connecting with people and building bridges. So I'd love to kind of start diving into that. Sure, yeah. If you're ready. Um, when did you first realize you had a gift of connection with people?

SPEAKER_05 16:57

Hmm.

SPEAKER_02 16:59

Like, have you always been like even growing up, were you just like the kid with all the friends?

SPEAKER_05 17:03

Uh uh Yeah, I I do feel that way. Yeah, I I I was always I would like to say likable, um but I also feel like I I you know selfishly again, I feel like it probably started of me just wanting to be liked. And so I feel oftentimes I became kind of a chameleon to whoever I was talking with. Um not so much changing my morality or ethics, uh, but I really didn't care what you did um or stood for. I just wanted to befriend you. I wanted you to like me. And so that way I didn't have, I guess, any enemies if in in general. So um yeah, early on, I just I feel like I was always the one running around, like kind of life of the party, wanting to make friends, uh be funny, make people laugh, make people happy. Uh all the way up to yeah, I guess now. It's a little different with two kids, but yeah.

SPEAKER_02 17:57

Yeah, and if you're two, Palmer's that way, right? She is for sure.

SPEAKER_05 18:00

Lucy's a little not she's not quite there yet, but she does follow Palmer like you're naturally wired, um, like the Apostle Paul.

SPEAKER_01 18:10

So, excuse me. He said, I'm all things to all people that I might win some. So you just described, I try to you uh you didn't say this, but I'll paraphrase making uh connection with people, finding some conversation or some point of common interest so that they so that they'll connect with you. That's a great that's a great technique for advancing the kingdom of God.

SPEAKER_02 18:33

Absolutely. Yeah, and one and one that I feel like people who are not naturally gifted in really benefit to learn from those who have the gifting and also kind of honed in on how to leverage that gifting, especially in a modern context, like you have. Um by our observation, you have friends that are you know in every generation, yeah. Older, same age, younger, like you've you've figured out how to connect across a lot of barriers. You can connect across work barriers, family barrier barriers, um, social economic barriers, age barriers. How have you figured out how to navigate? What is one thing you do when you're approaching someone and building a bridge that helps you build towards someone that's maybe a further reach from you?

SPEAKER_05 19:17

Yeah, uh you know, ultimately I just feel like everybody wants to be loved, everybody wants to be liked, and uh everybody and whether they meant it or not, they want or need community. And so uh, you know, you're talking about the Apostle Paul. Uh, you know, I feel like that's I don't want to call it a technique, but kind of a technique that I use when I talk to people, it doesn't matter who they are, where they're from, what they're doing. Uh oftentimes I'll find it helpful in Ubers, like with an Uber driver. We'll just start talking and I'll always try to dig out a connection that allows me to bring up church, faith, or the gospel or or anything along those lines, just to just to start that conversation. And so oftentimes it's oh, where are you from? And you know, every now and then you'll get an Uber driver from Africa. It's like, oh, I've been to Africa before. It's like, oh, what part? I went to Rwanda with my church, and then all of a sudden you're talking about church. Uh same with people in Fort Worth. It's like, oh, where do you live in Fort Worth? Oh, what part of the city do you live in? It's like over here, it's like, oh, that's by Christ Chapel, right? I was like, Yeah, I tried that in college. I go to higher age now, it's out you know in Parker County. And so I feel like most conversations that I have, yeah. I've you know, I've talked to a thousand people who are gonna listen to this and be like, we've never talked about church before, but but just you know, moments like that, I always feel like I try to bring something into that conversation because I feel like that's kind of what I'm comfortable talking about. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:37

But what's interesting is like hold you though. People will talk about where they live and why they live there and what their hobbies are and why their hobbies are that, and uh the schools that their kids are in and why they're there, and not think it's it's just as natural to connect with people and let them know. You know, you found he's an African driving Uber car here. Yeah, you reference Rwanda, and then it's so easy to make connections like that if we just won't be afraid of it, which you're not, it's natural for you. That's what you can help the audience understand. Yeah, is just let it be natural, have a conversation, and then let that conversation connect to something that could be eternal. Yeah, we can we can do that with church life too. Yeah, yeah. Like uh, you know, what what occupies most of your time? Well, I work as such, such then then what do you what's next? Oh, you know, just family. Yeah, and if they return the question, which you can say, you know, well, I I work da-da-da-da, and then you know, my second my second love in life is my church. I love my church, yeah. And then that's good that hopefully that won't close the door, it will cause them to want to probe and find out why, especially when you're so good at conversation, probing and finding out why their second thing that they mention that's that's significant in their life, you find out why it is, and it just is a natural conversational connection that allows sometimes for the kingdom to go forth.

SPEAKER_02 21:53

Yeah, what I was gonna ask is do you, when you meet someone new, go into that with the intention of seeking them out. out. So you're like, is it a curiosity that feels that or do you plan ahead of time? Or you just kind of on this like journey of connection as many times as you can connect, that's what you're going for.

SPEAKER_05 22:10

Yeah, i I would say situational. Um but you know we're if you're if I'm anywhere around you know Alito or our church, I feel like it's a lot easier because I can buy into church at the end of the day. Um but and so and and just where we are as a community being in Texas, the odds of you bringing up Christianity and not being you know fought about it are somewhat on the easier side for me to be able to bring that conversation up. And if it goes the opposite way, I love that conversation. It's okay you know about Christianity. You're not you weren't raised in a different belief most likely around here. So why are you against it now? And those conversations are fun. But uh definitely at work I I I like to you know bond or relate with you know the end users what we call whether it's a nurse or or a surgeon uh like to bond with them and one thing I always want to bring up is is is faith. Um and they talk they say you can't talk about faith in the workplace but you can if it's organic. I mean you're you're not bringing anything up that's gonna if and if they're offended you frankly in in that role you just stop talking about it and if it presents itself another time then great.

SPEAKER_01 23:16

So yeah people people uh build up a mountain in their mind that it's not gonna be able to happen but it can just be naturally conversational and not be offensive.

SPEAKER_00 23:27

Right.

SPEAKER_01 23:28

It's just an interaction that you have with people and you're not trying to you know you're not getting your Bible out of your satchel and holding it up and shaking it while you're talking obviously that's not going to work with anybody. Right. And that's what we need to help people understand. It's a naturally healthy thing. Yeah for your soul to be healthy enough that you can just have a conversation and and you're you're so good at that have a conversation and not worry about it.

SPEAKER_05 23:50

And and you know you mentioned soul mind will and emotions I'd uh me you know mental health and anxiety and stuff are something I I deal with quite often and so uh lately I feel like my mind isn't always in the base best place and your your thoughts are so powerful. I mean you can look at science and understand that is true and you can look at the Bible and understand that it's true. And those aren't separate those are together. You know God made it all and so you know oftentimes you can think about how a conversation is going to go and almost you know not manifest that's I don't believe in that but you can almost will it into existence by thinking the negative side of how a conversation is going to go and almost forcing the conversation that way because you're you've already thought that way if that makes sense. So if you're expecting the worst out of a conversation it's probably going to go that way.

SPEAKER_02 24:39

Yeah and so um it's like the vision you set for it like you always talk about anti-vision is a vision is just setting you on course to achieve what you don't want yeah versus like having a vision a faith filled vision instead of setting a course for what you do want.

SPEAKER_01 24:52

Yeah a no vision a no vision or a not vision yeah or a never vision or an anti-vision is a terrible vision but it becomes a vision. Yeah I'm not gonna get hurt at church again. I'm I am just not going to be hurt at church again. Yeah well you just establish your vision yeah you're gonna be then you're gonna be anti-Christ or because Christ is the church and loves the church he's the he's the you know the connection of all of the the church and all the members of it. And so when you do that it just kills things.

SPEAKER_05 25:20

So how many times do you run into people in conversation that have church hurt you know church church hurt in general I feel like it's less than 10% of the time. That's good. Yeah anti-church would you know it's two percent I mean i I could think about like I said I can think about how a conversation's gonna go but really the odds of me encountering that in 35 years I've never been punched about it. I've never been hit or or spit on about talking about my faith and not saying that you know it's gonna happen but or it's not gonna happen. But um yeah it's i I feel like the the church hurt let me take that back. The church hurt is m very common nowadays I feel like but when it leads to a vulgar or negative conversation that's where I say about like 10% or less. Yeah. Yeah. But I feel like everybody's experienced it. And then how do you navigate the conversation? You you sympathize with them, you don't dismiss them but then you remind them that you know that's not God's nature and you explain to them God's nature and how much he cares for them and and uh you know honestly you can invite them to giving another shot whether it's at your church or another church or just meeting together for a little bit before they give church a try.

SPEAKER_02 26:40

Yeah and I love that you started this all off with you said that everybody wants to be loved and then you said you try to find connections and really try to find a way to get people to talk about their faith. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 26:50

Do you equate people feeling love and feeling seen with faith like is that was that an intentional connection you made yes I've so going back to the young adult ministry uh we started the connect coach was the role I had as a connect coach and I was really captain yeah we'll take I'll take captain over the whole squad lieutenant general whatever it was rear admiral yeah yeah I four star five star yeah yeah yeah I uh no I we we and the whole purpose of that role was to identify new folks that would come into young adults and then connect them with somebody that I thought would be a good fit for them. Because like I said I felt a burden to make sure everyone was included impossible to take on when you got 150 or so people we were having in young adults at the time and so um I was really good at being able to recognize you know who's new walking through the door walk up approach them talk to them a little bit um acknowledge if it's their first time or not who they know how they found out about us get their contact info down so either myself or somebody else on my team can reach out throughout the week just to to establish and and continue that connection um might be losing my train of thought here but it was very easy to realize who was there for community and who was there for companionship. And so two things that might seem similar but they're definitely not and so it's it's easy to identify that and you know as someone that considered a lot of the folks you included as a sister um I felt protection and so it was easy to identify those folks but then I I I can't remember exactly when but I was very convicted that these people need God too and what a better place for them to be even if that's something that they think that they're after is companionship. But they're in the best place to find something that's also ultimately going to sustain them. Yeah. And so I started you know less of wedging them out and trying to stop something that I felt like they were after and to inviting them into well hey let's you come sit by me and let's let's learn about what we're gonna learn today and then we'll establish that connection.

SPEAKER_02 29:06

So Toby the connector had to make a shift from Toby the protector so that you can still connect with people he wanted to protect us from yeah that's funny.

SPEAKER_05 29:13

Yeah or especially if someone was eyeballing Taylor who I liked at the time I'm gonna ask her how you stay back.

SPEAKER_01 29:20

So yeah that's not a good connection for you here I've got another connection it's on the other side of the room you start walking them the other side of the room pass them off to somebody then go back and start talking to whoever's next to Taylor.

SPEAKER_02 29:31

Yeah exactly pretty much exactly what Toby did which Taylor by the way for those who don't know is now his wife mother of his two girls yes amazing that's so interesting yeah one of my longtime best friends one of the many that has lived with us yes at one time or other yeah right before we were married yeah she moved out of her house lived with all for a couple months and then and then in with me once we got married. Yeah I remember what because we've been friends for so long I remember you were when you bought your first house it was before you and Taylor got together and we've been friends for a while and you call me and you're like hey Brie um I think I'm gonna buy this house and it's gonna sound like a weird question but I need a woman to come look at the house and say yes a woman would want to live here.

SPEAKER_05 30:15

Yeah I was like I honestly sure I can come do that. I mean you could we could go back to college I wasn't when I was in college I wasn't even I mean I dated in college but I wasn't with anybody I was like I'm gonna marry this woman and um I thought oh it's just what you do I'm gonna be 23 24 find a wife and I'll be married by then and then you know 27 rolls around I'm buying my first house and I knew I was like you know what uh probably good to to find you know a house that somebody wouldn't want to move want to move into eventually and so you said yeah it's a it's not a junky house it'll be fine.

SPEAKER_02 30:49

Yeah I totally got the the request you're making because you're like I'm a man I think like a man and this is a good investment as a home. Yeah but I want a woman to want to live here and then y'all got together you and Taylor did and you when she went to the house like so if you don't love the house you really shouldn't blame Toby you should blame me.

SPEAKER_05 31:05

Yeah because that was the girl that said yeah a girl want to live here and honestly Taylor like she has such an eye for interior design she made that place it was a cool house but she made it like really beautiful yeah I mean to your point uh the wall stayed painter beige flat paint and the futon in the in the living room until we got married because I was like why would I go spend money if I'm gonna get married to someone and it's smart all men do that.

SPEAKER_02 31:31

Don't invest in furniture until you're married.

SPEAKER_05 31:33

Yeah we're gonna sell it it's gonna yeah it's gonna change anyways. Dad hates his advice he's like no buy the couch you want to well every man needs a he needs a man chair every man needs his chair interesting the thing is when you get married then they throw it out yeah well yeah I never had one but I'll let you talk to Taylor because I'd love a lazy boy or or an off-brand lazy boy I'll say that Dave Ramsey. So getting back to the topic yeah Dave Ramsey fiends getting back to the topic companionship uh somebody was looking for community and then how they uh found faith or if those are separate yeah I I mean I I feel like people often I mean people are lonely they want companionship they want friendship they want community um what a better place to get that than church as long as your church is healthy and doing it the right way which thankfully we have a a wonderful church that that helps people get plugged in invites them to groups we have groups that operate throughout the week outside of the weekends which is you know you can speak to that a big part of of what we do here at hire and building community um yeah uh so definitely directly related but uh sometimes you have to dig that or you have to guide someone that way because they might want friendship but ultimately there that's not going to satisfy them. We're gonna fail people are broken. We're gonna fail others and um but it's you know ultimately Jesus is the one that's gonna sustain them in in all areas and aspects of life.

SPEAKER_02 32:59

But yeah uh the community is what you know encourages one another and spurs each other on towards love and good deeds um which is the thing one another yeah one another pull it back in so I have a really um hot question that has really hit I say hot topic kind of question that has really hit this current cultural landscape about relationships. There's a lot of fear and a lot of misunderstanding for multi-generational conversations. I feel like between you two y'all probably the most fearless relational people I know when it comes to approaching and having conversation with someone older or much, much younger and there's kind of within each generation a little bit of a um language gap that kind of forms there's a um view of the world perspective that kind of shifts and there you you have to kind of be on your toes to kind of understand where they're coming from and be able to build a bridge to them. I would love for you both to speak to two things. One how do you overcome the fear of not knowing how you're gonna connect to someone who especially is further away from you generation generationally or divided in some other way and then two uh when speaking to someone who's not in your generation how do you overcome the language barrier that has formed I mean even for me talking to some of the youth on Wednesday night because my husband's a youth pastor I find myself asking them to repeat themselves like what exactly did you just say because I'm trying to piece together the whole phrase and figure out where what they mean. And that to me that still happens you know for people in generations much beyond mine as well. They'll phrase things and I find myself kind of studying what they say and I'm like what do they mean by that phrase? So do you have tips, do you have insights of how you overcome those barriers of fear and of language I see you already grinning over there.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

I'll let you go first because I'm I'm about to think about that well um generations do have their own language their own innuendo their own um um for example the way somebody looks and the way they're dressed how many times has that changed in my lifetime for you specifically yeah I mean probably every eight months twenty different things that's cool that's he loves to shop this guy no no no I mean what it's called so like oh like your style oh oh you mean like drip and fit yes oh uh oh yeah but it's no longer drip what is it now it's um is it vibe love your vibe sure you could yeah you could use that I can't remember or or fit no it's your fit instead of say outfit like your fit I like I think it's still fit anyway but vibe I definitely see where vibe comes from I can't keep up so I'll just go ahead and default on on keeping up with language changes and uh what would that be cultural um cultural lingo um it's kind of like insider trading you know if you don't have if you don't have the connection then like I I would be a terrible insider trader because I have no connections to anything in the financial market so instead of trying to find out how to do it I just try to get them talking. So for example so the the way you look or the way your clothes is we were we were in Rockland recently and um uh Pastor Levi Harvard Church Rockland California's oldest daughter um Julia Julia got Victoria that's the youngest daughter and Julia's the oldest daughter and so I show up for church and she looks at me whoa love your drip PJ I just smiled yeah then a second later I said hey to Levi I said hey what's drip and he said I think I'm getting it figured out and that's that's that's her dad. Yeah I think I'm getting found out I think I think she's trying to say she likes your your clothes that what you're wearing looks good. Okay great so then later on you know he helped me bridge the gap obviously between me and her is probably 50 years a long time yeah and um so then later on the way that I was able to connect in spite of my ignorance was say hey tell me about what what is popular drip these days and she just she just came alive wanting to tell me about you know uh the genes are changing no longer tight legs it's loose legs and and she just started telling me all this and I was like hey I made it I made it I made it past my ignorance just by asking them my tell me about question so that's that's the way I'd start yeah how do you overcome that fear though like if people are like totally afraid to be caught there and go oh I don't know what I would say you get people talking you don't need to be fearful yeah just have faith that you'll that you'll the Lord will give you a good question to ask them to get them talking because even introverts like and appreciate interest in their life they might not want to talk about themselves but they like and appreciate the fact that you're interested in what's beyond the facade.

SPEAKER_05 37:53

Yeah okay cool that's good I I will ask just a follow-up question to that how do you incorporate that when you're on the platform preaching because oftentimes I'll uh you know ever I'm sure you're very familiar with your pastor Jeff isms where you'll say something whether it's something you frequently say or every now and then you'll say something the other day I think it was three weeks ago you said I love an example yes you said six seven and I don't know if that was intentional or not but you know you hear the kind of everyone in in uh you know in the church giggle or laugh or and in those moments like that I feel like that you know can get somebody from a different generation perked up and start paying attention a little bit more so do you feel like you you do some of those things intentionally or do you plan on kind of planting some you know language from different generations just to connect with everyone in in church on a Sunday?

SPEAKER_01 38:41

That wasn't intentional. Okay I know the six seven thing and I know that young people love it but I also know the origin of it much younger people much younger he's not talking about us yeah we're not young everyone anymore kids that if you all would have married when you were 20 would be would be uh teens in youth ministry now yeah are close and they're the ones you know six seven they're kind of juggling back and forth and so I knew about that and I had to figure out the origin which I wish I hadn't done because it's a terrible origin.

SPEAKER_05 39:10

Oh is it does it even mean anything?

SPEAKER_01 39:12

Yeah it's comes out of uh uh uh I want to say Santorini no yeah you I think you're right Santorini yeah six is the number of man okay seven's the number of God okay yeah and the guy that started it is he is he a rapper yeah I think so artist an artist uh wanted wanted to make it seem like either choice you make if you choose God or you choose humanism it's all okay no big deal they're equal they're equal on the playing field wow okay but it's like he's like known for like witchcraft and the whole he's into the whole numerology of it and all that so you were talking I mean that's where you're going and actually talking about in church so I didn't even know that was a so I was talking biblical what what message was that I mean it is nonsense but there is a meaning behind it. Is dreams you're talking about dreams and oh numbers understanding numbers and dreams so if you see three of something that's that's a biblical number Father, Son, Holy Spirit, the Trinity um if you see four no big deal. I just gave some biblical numbers I gave six the number of man and then I gave six six six the number of the devil and then seven's the number of God seven days of creation and so I said you know how it is sometimes six seven six seven and I thought since I'm doing numbers right here to to help people understand um understand their dreams if they see something six times probably possibly more of a a base thing and not a spiritual thing. And so I was just trying to do that and it just popped in my head there's a bunch of young people in this audience just go ahead and see how you do with it and see if it makes a connection and so I did. I said you know six seven six seven and boom immediately I don't know if you noticed everybody below age 20 in the room was laughing and slapping each other. Oh yeah so I thought I hate the origin of this I don't want to be known as one who embraces is it Santorini am I getting that right or on the computer with me this time whatever that kind of kind of voodoo ish type religion. And the guy comes out of Haiti right again I don't know since anyway I just did that it just was spontaneous wasn't planned yeah just wanting to make a connection with with younger people. Yeah yeah because I can't hide the fact my chin's pretty white so you know unless I go unless I go get it colored which I don't want to do that. Yeah I don't want to spend the time or the money.

SPEAKER_02 41:31

Yeah so it wouldn't suit you.

SPEAKER_05 41:34

Good recall Toby so do you plan language generationally I would say probably I'm trying to come up with an example but I feel like it's all about you know who you're talking to and the intent behind it. So if I'm you know uh uh Johnny Campbell uh if I'm meeting with him to just soak up all of his wisdom I'm gonna want to know the language that he's speaking to me and understand it without spending most of the time asking so yeah I feel like I would adapt and do my research uh same with if I'm talking to youth I would try to understand the tines which I'm sure y'all do all the time just trying to decipher it's all right what these kids are going through nowadays but also how they talk. And so I find myself probably doing it but yeah I would say you know put in the effort. I mean if you care about something you'll put in the effort and so just learn about it.

SPEAKER_01 42:24

Which is easy now and I don't want to be the one on our podcast to promote AI. However you can just go to Chat GPT and just say uh I'm meeting with a a 60 year old businessman who manages multi-million dollars worth of properties for a wealthy a billionaire family. So you could say something like that give me phrases and words that would be appropriate. Boom it'll just pop them out. Or I'm getting ready to go speak at a youth event the audience will be ages 12 to 18 give me a couple of phrases that are current phrases that would help connect me as a plus 60 year old guy with kids as young as my grandkids and boom it'll give you some and so then you might have to ask it to explain so that you're not just saying something you don't but it's not as hard now. It's much easier now in my opinion. Once again I'm not promoting AI I'm just saying you can you can just just a couple of minutes of research can give you some insights on how to connect with people which is why what which was the purpose of us having this podcast is yeah connecting people connecting to people and understanding where they're the condition of their soul in order to try to get them to move forward with the Lord. So I would just say that's something I would I would do in that setting.

SPEAKER_05 43:39

And I and I would say you know just hearing hearing you doing your research and getting familiar with someone or or you know whether it be their their race income bracket uh age whatever it may be getting yourself familiar with where they are in life and who they stand for their culture their identity whatever it is some people might hear that and think You know, oh, so he's kind of a chameleon. He's coming off of this way. When I say uh earlier on in the podcast, I said I was a chameleon. No, I just I want to relate to people and ultimately get back to the fact that what's important to us is is Jesus. Uh I will always say, you know, do your research. You're you it's you're you're not faking anything or or coming you're get my thoughts together.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

That's exactly the question I had. It's like where's the line of dishonesty?

SPEAKER_05 44:25

There's I don't believe there is one because if you've if you care about someone that much or care about something that much, do whatever it takes to to win them over. I mean, obviously, not whatever, ethical, moral, whatever, but uh I I achen it to this. I know that reading my Bible every day is important. I 35, I have a daily reminder on my phone at 8 a.m. to read my Bible. And some people might see that and be like, oh, you're not a real Christian because you have to be reminded. It's like, no, it's that important to me that I'm putting it into my phone. Same with my wife. Hey, go get flowers for my wife. Oh, I'm not automatically thinking about doing that on Valentine's Day. No, I I think life is busy, it's important to me, so I'm gonna remind myself. It's the same with people. Do do if if someone you love if someone you love or you care about enough to to preach the gospel to, do your research, do whatever it takes to be able to converse with them and win them over.

SPEAKER_01 45:19

So let's say we we have people in our audience watching or listening now, and they can't connect to what we're talking about. They're older than I am. So what I would throw out to them, I would say everybody likes to talk about themselves. Yeah. So here's a good way you make a connection, then you say, tell me about quilting. Tell me, tell me everything you know about quilting if you know that that's an interest they have. Or tell me about tell me about your first pickup truck if you're talking to an older guy. And was it was it three on the tree? Was it four on the floor?

SPEAKER_03 45:54

You also have to be older, I think.

SPEAKER_01 45:57

Well, see, but older, but make a connection because everybody my age or older, or maybe even younger may are gonna remember, you know, but three three on the tree? You don't know what that means?

SPEAKER_02 46:06

No.

SPEAKER_01 46:07

Okay, so you drive an automatic vehicle.

SPEAKER_02 46:10

I'm guessing it's the gears. It is. Because you did that, but I don't know that phrase. I wouldn't but keep going. You have you're making a good point. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to cut you off.

SPEAKER_01 46:18

No, you're laughing.

SPEAKER_02 46:19

Three on the tree, what was the other one?

SPEAKER_01 46:20

Well, let me can I explain three on the tree?

SPEAKER_02 46:23

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 46:23

Okay, so the stick shift is up here right by the s the the column and right by the steering wheel. It's just right there. And and so down at the bottom is first gear, straight up is reverse, but you won't be able to go in reverse if you're going forward. So at the bottom is first, then you go up, neutrals in the middle, and then up forward is second gear, and then straight down is third gear. So you just shift, you got three pedals gas, brake, clutch, and you give gas, then you let up, push in the clutch and shift, then back clutch off, gas down, shift.

SPEAKER_02 46:57

And then stall and roll down the hill.

SPEAKER_01 47:00

You did you do that? One of you or one of the simple your kids did that.

SPEAKER_02 47:03

Uh probably me.

SPEAKER_01 47:04

Anyway, I'm trying to what I'm trying to say is is everybody likes to talk about something they know something about. Yeah. And if you can just kind of guess your way into that or faith your way into that, being fearful is gonna kill it. Yeah. Making connections to people and being fearful as you're going into it's gonna kill it.

SPEAKER_04 47:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:21

And like I try to make connections. My fishing hole is the gym. I still enjoy working out, I still like sweating, I still I'll probably be that way. I'm guessing through the end of my life. I'll still want to be active doing something. And so people in a gym usually are there with purpose. They're wanting to lose weight, or they're wanting to gain muscle, or they're wanting to, you know, get cut some something.

SPEAKER_02 47:44

Stay alive.

SPEAKER_01 47:45

Yeah. Bouncing back from health. Like there's a guy at the gym now that just started going, had a stroke. He's 22 years old, morbidly obese, had a terrible stroke, and so he's wanting to try to reverse the first 22 years of his life so he can have. And so what I try to do in those situations is just get them talking. And like like guys that are that are successful, you can just walk them and say, you know, you got to pull your earbud out so they'll know you're willing to that you're wanting to talk. Because everybody's listening to their own music. So when you just kind of get close and pull your earbud out, if they don't pull theirs out, then forget it, put it back in and go back because they're not wanting to talk. But if you pull their earbud out, they pull their earbud out, and you say, Bro, whatever you're doing is working. Just give me one pointer. I want to I want to look like you when I grow up. I'm probably 20 years old or 30 years older than them. Yeah. But still, just hearing that, bro, whatever you're doing is working, give me a give me one pointer. Yeah. Boom, they're ready to talk.

SPEAKER_05 48:40

Yep.

SPEAKER_02 48:41

That's a good insight. It's good. Encouraging, go to that bridge. Hey everyone, thank you so much for listening to this podcast. We were having a great conversation with Toby, really diving into the depth of community. We just didn't want to cut it off. We wanted to give ourselves plenty of space to just continue to talk and discover what all we can learn together. So we broke this episode up into two parts. You just listen to part one, and part two will be coming out so soon. Tune in, you won't want to miss it. Thank you so much for listening.